Tuesday, December 1, 2015

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For an instant hormone flare-up, just add a pinch of pregnancy and a dash of husband.

by Tarzan · 13 comments

mood-swings-and-pregnancyI didn’t dare blog about Jane’s pregnancy hormone flare-up yesterday.  But I feel safer today to share some details because Jane’s in a great mood (for now, and hopefully the rest of) this evening.

I first shared some thoughts about the pregnancy hormones creating instant mood swings over a month ago.  And to be honest, there have been several times since then where I wanted to share what was going on, but feared something I wrote here would cause Jane’s mood swing to knock me one right in the nose.

Yesterday was a rough day before Jane’s parents arrived.  I just couldn’t do anything right.  I put things away in the wrong place.  I forgot to put a new garbage bag in the bin when I took the trash out, and boy I heard about that one.

I know you guys know what I’m talking about here… I knew it was best to not be seen, to stay away, and become invisible as best I could.  Jane was a time bomb and at any moment I knew I was just an inch away from doing something wrong – and I’d really hear about it!

So what did I do?  I vacuumed the house.  I couldn’t hear a thing, say a thing, and figured that would be the safest thing to do.  At one point Jane walked by me and I took the hose and put it to her butt cheek.  She didn’t react one bit.

A few minutes later I had the vacuum off and Jane walks out of her office, looks at me and says, “You Suck”.

Before I knew it, I jokingly said the words, “You Suck” back.  I knew the moment my mouth made the “ck” sound, this wasn’t a time to be playing around or joking.  The smile I had on my face slowly turned into a face of fear.  Jane was serious.  And of course, her hormones were going wild and she took me saying “you suck” back to her VERY seriously – and got even more mad at me.  It was like I was the one who just walked into the room and “you suck” to her like she said to me!

What the!?  This stuff can really make you go crazy as a guy if you allow yourself to try and make sense of anything to do with your pregnant wife’s mood swings.

They   Make   No   Sense.

Soon after the “you suck” ordeal, which ended with a look from Jane that made me feel like I was about to be stabbed or my manhood chopped off, I made my way outside to escape any further craziness.  

While outside, I was messing around with the grill trying to look busy and the door opens.  Uh oh.  It was Jane… and she still had the look of a pregnant woman having a rush or hormones comparable to someone who is having a steroid rage I’d imagine.

Now I don’t remember what she asked me, but the next moment she said, “you didn’t even say anything about the dress I’m wearing!”  Before I could say a word, she closed the door and went back inside muttering something.

Oh boy.  Those pregnancy hormones were rocking and rolling her mood swings big time.

Once I thought it was safe to go back inside, I slowly walked back in the house.  I felt like I was walking on egg shells fearing to awake a huge fire breathing dragon and I was about to get toasted at any moment.

I took a deep breath and cheerfully asked if she was OK… and may have even asked what’s wrong… which I should have learned during these pregnancy mood swings that it’s best not to ask that question because usually there isn’t an answer!  They usually don’t know why they are so upset!  

Well, this time there was an answer…

Pregnant Jane said, “You didn’t even say anything about my dress.”  I asked her if that was the thing that has been bothering her, and she said, “Yes. Leave me alone.”  Uhhhh, OK.  Funny thing is that she had been like that for HOURS, she probably didn’t know why she was in such a bad mood because of her hormones going wild, but told me it was because of the dress.  OK.  I wasn’t going to argue.

Believe me, I knew not to say anything except apologize about not saying how beautiful she looked in her dress, and how it made her belly look so cute, etc.  And I also knew that I needed to escape FAST before I did something else wrong.

I went back outside, and within 5 minutes her parents arrived and instantly Jane was back to her normal self and she was cool with me for the rest of the night.

It was so weird.  For hours and hours throughout the day Jane wanted to kill me.  I knew it.  I could feel her hate building.  The back of my hair stood up on my neck if my back was towards her.  I knew I was in for a long day… and I was.

However, once Jane’s parents arrived Jane was instantly better.  So weird.  It was like the switch was turned off.

Here’s what I think happened…

Since I was outside, Jane must have called her mom and told her that her hormones were flaring.  Jane’s mom must have made a potion or something on the way here and gave it to Jane when she walked in the house.  Seriously, Jane went from a you know what to the wonderful, happy, cheerful Jane I’ve always known and loved.

Over the last several weeks I’ve seen sides of Jane that I never knew existed.  I now know for SURE that when I see she is having one of her pregnancy mood swings, I need to….  RUN!!!

P.S… OK, I’m now 120% convinced that the whole “second trimester brings a very, very hot and bothered wife” or whatever they say is an urban legend.  If that’s happening to other father-to-be’s out there, my hat is off to you bro.  Enjoy it.  Think of me.  Well, not literally, I mean, well, never mind.  Don’t think of me.  That would be weird.  None of that happening in this house – that’s for sure.  And we’re long out of ice cream…  Oh boy… this is going to be a long night…

P.P.S… I’m afraid to post this; I don’t want to open a can of worms!  Jane is crying her eyes out across from me watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition!  I’ll try to keep her off her computer tonight so she doesn’t see this post until the AM. :)

You might also want to read:

  1. Mood swings: The survival guide for the father-to-be.
  2. These stupid pregnancy hormones are making me crazy and mean
  3. Pregnancy emotions gone wild: Jane cried this morning and I just want her to know…
  4. Pregnancy Gas: Wife’s Early Pregnancy Gas Drives Husband Out Of House
  5. 16 weeks pregnant belly: The trash, the dragon, and the lack of steamy I Want To Attack You juices.

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jane

Oh no :( I’m so sorry that you were crying for that long. It happens though. Sounds like your bf is a great guy and gave you what you needed most – to be held. Hope you don’t burst into tears next time!

2 HolyCrapImPregnant

i had a hormonal moment last night. i didn’t think i was really having problems w/ my hormones at all but now i feel like they have hit me full force and are making up for lost time. me and my boyfriend were watching tv in bed last night and i could tell he was hoping to “do the deed” i just ignored it and we finally turned off the tv and went to bed. he started doing the stuff that gets me in the mood everytime and we start kissing and next thing you know i start ballin. he flies off me and asks me in a very tentative voice what was wrong, all i could do was get up and go to the bathroom. i sat in there w/ the door shut crying for 30 min. he finally got me to get back into bed and just held me til i fell asleep. i didn’t stop cryin until i was dead to the world. poor guy

3 Tarzan

AWESOME advice guys. Much, much appreciated!

Daddy files – You got 2 cartons of yogurt and the pointy end of the broom thrown at you!? Too funny! Although I bet at the time it wasn’t at all.

Lots of good advice here… will be taking everything you all said to heart and will follow it. Bessie, good idea. I have some ideas here… :)

Roxanne, good point. I’ve seen that the mood swings sway a LOT further when Jane hasn’t eaten in a few hours.

4 Roxanne Beckford Hoge

Ahh, yes, we are hard to live with. But this is why there are two of you on this adventure. One of you has to be there to take the lumps the other dishes out (one at a time, please!). And, as for the 4 kids — remember, children are like pancakes. The first one is the toughest. I can (and have) travelled alone with all four, while getting across town for my firstborn’s first Halloween was a MAJOR, and apparently insurmountable, Herculean task.
Best tip from a mom whose been there — keep us fed. This is especially true AFTER we give birth. Enjoy! :)

5 Daddy Files

Tarzan, I remember those days so well. And they are not good memories.

Just remember that no matter what you do right now, you will be wrong. I didn’t realize that pregnant women are frickin’ insane at the time. I still tried to deal with the situation logically. And one night, that ended with my very pregnant wife throwing two cartons of yogurt and the pointy end of a broom at me. You can walk away, you can try to talk to her, you can buy her jewelry…but you will be wrong. And by the way, don’t buy her jewelry or clothing unless you’re absolutely sure it’ll fit her. Because if she’s too big for it…well, God help you then.

Bessie is right, continually and consistently do nice and unexpected things for her. This accomplishes a couple of main goals: 1) It proves you’re thinking of her all the time and 2) It makes it harder to hate you when the hormones flare up.

But in the meantime, when she goes on the attack just curl up in the fetal position and protect your face and eyes. Just let it happen, it’s less painful that way.

Daddy Files’s last blog post..Introducing the CCDC

6 Jane

I like the way you think, Bessie. TARZAN – Pay attention, take notes, and follow through. You’ll have yourself a very happy and pregnant wife indeed!

7 bessie.viola

Preventative maintenance, Tarzan. It’s all about prevention. Be a “surprise guy” in whatever way you know she likes (my husband used to bring Frosties to my office on his way home from work when I was pregnant – melted me every time). This gives her something nice to say about you, and also will probably make her feel a little guilty when she’s in a bad mood, ‘cuz you’ve been so NICE.

It worked for my husband. :)

8 Tarzan

Hey Roxanne Beckford Hoge!

Four kids… and all sick!? I truly cannot imagine what that would be like. It amazes me how people can do it. It makes me feel a bit odd that we’re stressing so much over one where we’ve met a lot of people here that have 2, 3, 4, etc. children… but I guess everyone freaks out on the first, right?

And OK… You guys ROCK! You were on a reality TV show and you were brave enough to have the film crew there and follow you home after the birth of your twins! That is so cool! I watched your video on your “about us” page.

I wonder if Jane would be up for doing something crazy like that? The problem I see is that with us keeping our identities *secret* we’d have to either wear paper bags over our heads or wear some Halloween masks I have in my box-o-fun-stuff that I get to break out on Halloween. However, I don’t think the hospital would be cool with us wearing masks. Besides, the two small masks I have are of really old men and I think we’d cause an all-out fallout at the hospital with everyone thinking an old man is giving birth.

Besides that, we all know what happened the last time I pulled that box out last Halloween!

But seriously, my hat is off to you guys… and I know Jane will be taking a look around your store in the AM :)

9 Roxanne Beckford Hoge

You guys are great! My husband just sent me a text as I was putting our four kids to bed (boy 11, girl 8 and 3.5 yr old twin girls — a big surprise) to say, “on July 6, 1996 we never knew it would be this hard! But we’ll prevail.” You see, everyone’s sick, so it was a tough day. And we have been through it all, but the best part has been understanding each other — even after You Suck moments. You are in for a great adventure. Visit our about us page if you want to see the madness we live in — we wouldn’t trade it for the world!! Can’t wait to read more!

10 Tarzan

Jane… Jane… Jane… :) What’s so funny is that I’ve tried the ‘walk away’ thing in the past and within a few minutes you come find me and the craziness continues. No need to apologize. I understand. It’s just what I need to do or where I need to hide is what I don’t understand when you’re mood swing is kicking into high gear! But no worries, at least we can laugh about it after the fact. Love you too beautiful.

Surfer Jay… LOL you are totally right man. I remember a couple of weeks ago things got HOT in the kitchen (it had nothing to do with the stove and it wasn’t X-rated) so I shut my mouth and went into my office upstairs to let things cool down and hide in my bunker until the mood swing subsided.

5 minutes later, Jane was standing in the doorway to my office with “the look” and the battle continued on.

I guess the best option for me would be to go for a walk or run out to the store. But then Jane would call me, tell me to pick up 6 different things to satisfy a craving, I’d come home and learn I got a grape blow pop instead of a strawberry one, that would set her off, and the fun and games would begin again!

11 Surfer Jay

Dude, I have felt your pain. I feel for you. And I am ever so glad it is now but a memory for me. Good luck for tomorrows outbreak. My Lillys hormones caused us to move at six months pregnant. So I can relate somewhat to your current dilemna.

It’s a wondeful thing how our women can occasionally come back after the hormonal outbreak and acknowledge their absurd temperment, as you have done here Jane. But may I add, that although I think it’s awesome that here you have seemingly given Tarzan permission to “just walk away’ next time it happens, in reality, during the next moment of weakness, walking away could very well mean the death of our bud Tarzan. Just a thought. Sorry for my weak insight.

12 Jane

This is too funny and super true. The thing that you need to learn is to not “fight” back with me. Just let me be a b!tch and I’ll get over myself soon enough. Um, just a heads up, if I ever tell you that you suck again (which you clearly don’t), then just walk away. No need to say “you do too” bc, uh, yeah, that just pisses me off even more. But all in all, you were a good sport and again, I’m sorry for being a little hormonal. I love you.

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