Father-to-be ramblings about Dadalings and soon to be happenings

My mind is buzzing with so many thoughts.  So much going on.  I just put Jane to bed and I sat on the couch for a moment and let all my thoughts come crashing down on me.  

I guess this post will be one of my ‘brain dump’ posts I’ve found myself doing from time to time.

Update: Within this post I share a BIG secret I’ve never talked about before.  You’ll see in a moment.  But first…

The Big Is It A Boy Or Girl Ultrasound Day!

Tomorrow is the BIG day that our baby officially becomes a he or she.  Well, I guess she or he has already been a she or he for awhile now, but we’ll finally be able to know if he is a he or she is a she for sure.  Try saying that sentence 10 times fast.  Whew!

A lot of emotions have been running though me today.  Many of them have been running in my subconscious while I was hard at work for most of the day.  But about all else of of course is about Jane’s ultrasound tomorrow.  I don’t want to bore folks with more ramblings about my father-to-be realizations, as I talked a lot about everything yesterday.

As many of you read on Jane’s recent blog post, she had a tough time today after telling her mom ‘no’ about her coming with us.  We talked about it quite a bit.  My initial reaction when she told me that her mom asked if she could come with us was a little freaked out.  Not so much in a bad way, but I’ve had the vision of just Pregnant Jane and I in the room and having the day to ourselves.

I understand that it is just as exciting for a grandparent to find out if they’ll soon have a granddaughter or a grandson, but in my opinion, some things should be left to the couples.  We need to have our own special memories together.  That’s what further builds the foundation of a relationship.  After all, no one was around when we made our little Tarzan or Jane Junior!  Well, actually, it was after too many jello shots on Halloween… Hmmm… At least I think we were alone anyway!

I’ll admit, if Jane didn’t have a problem with her mom being there, I would have.  I want to share that special lifetime memory with my pregnant wife, Jane.  You don’t get too many moments in life like that, and I want it to be just me and her.  Damn.  The doctor is going to be there too.  Oh well, maybe I’ll kick her out and I’ll do the ultrasound myself and figure out if we’re having a baby boy or girl.  ha!

So yeah, I’m excited about tomorrow on many, many levels.  Now for my next rambling…

Tarzan’s Big Secret

I’m actually the pregnant girl and Jane is my husband!  I didn’t want to tell anyone until I had our baby, but I thought it would be a good idea to let everyone know that.  So yeah, that’s the big secret.  Crazy, huh?  This whole time you thought that Tarzan was the father and Jane was the mother.  Whew!  Crazy, huh?

OK, I am TOTALLY joking about the above!  I am Tarzan and I have a penis.  I’m the dad.  My boys can swim and I knocked Jane up.  So no worries.  I just wanted to pull a fast one on you and see your reaction.  Wow, I wish you could have seen your face!  For that matter, I wish I could have to!  OK, so now for the real-deal secret…

A recent comment on one of our blog posts (I wish I could remember which one it was, sorry!) made me realize something.  In a round-about way, what I’m doing on this blog is exactly what my father did for me after I was born.  Up until today, I never put two-and-two together.

You see, my father wrote in his journal several times a week when I was growing up – from shortly after I was born all the way to when I finished high school.

The day I graduated, he gave me something that not many people in the world have.  What he did for me (which took him MONTHS to do), was he went through all of his journals (TONS of them) and found something (or a few things) special we did, or something big that happened in my life, and wrote out some blurbs about them on a huge 12 months calendar which I of course still have.

Any day of the year I can look at that calendar and see what happened that day years and years ago.  Sometimes it’s just that my dad and I went on a little trip somewhere, sometimes it’s something like him catching me kissing my first girlfriend, the first night I snuck out of the house (and got caught!) my first fist fight, my first car, my first broken arm… just about anything you can think of – along with tons of great memories of us together.

Now you all know where I get this from.   And the funniest thing is that I didn’t even think about this until today.  We Tarzan’s must have journaling, blogging, writing, etc. in our blood!

So son/daughter when you graduate high school, your dad will do something cool for you like what my dad did for me.  And with technology now-a-days, you’ll have pictures, videos, text, and who knows what else, maybe even holograms by that time of your whole life up until then.

So that’s my little secret for what it’s worth.  I just thought that was really cool – and it made me appreciate what my dad did for me even more.  And when I call him tomorrow to let him know if he’s going to have a grandson or granddaughter, I’m also going to thank him for documenting everything and the great calendar he gave me… and that I’ll be doing the same thing.

However, we of course will not mention this blog – heck no!  Some things are best to keep secret.  Like the time when I was a mere tiny freshman in high school and I thought my father was working that day and I brought a senior girl home.  When he came back from the store and opened the door, I… oops.  Sorry Jane.  I best tell you that story before I post that one here! 

Anyway, next up on my ramble here…

The Pregnant House

I think our house is pregnant.  It’s expecting.  It’s expecting us to either stay here, or it’s expecting us to sell.

There is a small chance we can create our own little bail-out here and save ourselves the embarrassment, hassle, work, trouble, frustration, stress, etc. of having to sell and move from our house that we bought a year ago into a tiny house we’d have to rent.

I’ve been working really hard lately.  I’ve been exercising quite a bit which has helped bring my stress levels down.  After two trips to the doctors and some really scary nights, I knew that my stress was getting the best of me. I’ve also been reading some great old books on improving my mindset and trying hard to get it back to where it was before everything began to crash down on me.

Jane has noticed a big chance in me over the last week or so.  I feel about 300 pounds lighter.  I feel a lot better.  In between all the walking and reading, I’ve been working hard to try and make some deals happen for my business.  If I can make two big things happen within the next week to week and 1/2, then we will be able to stay in this house and be able to pay for the doctor bills without freaking out.  (As far as the hospital bills when our baby is born, that’s a different story!)

And if those two big things happen, I’ll finally have the funds I need to start a new business that I’ve been wanting to start for a very long time.  A business that I feel 100% confident in that can support our growing family.  It’s very frustrating to be in this situation at times.

Sometimes I feel we’re so close; yet other times I feel we’re so far.

There have been a few times over the last month and 1/2 that I couldn’t even pay the bills sitting on our kitchen table.  Not because we didn’t have the money in our account to pay them, but because of how much they were stressing me out.  I’ve never ever been that way – even at times in my life where I had zero money to pay bills in my young and dumb years.

Just goes to show the extreme level of stress I was having with everything going on.  Yes, I finally paid them, thankfully none of them were late as I work hard to keep my credit A+… especially now-a-days… especially with being self-employed.

So yes.  We have a tiny chance that we can save our house.  Two completely unrelated nearly miracle deals need to happen… but as I’ve said somewhere before, it’s at times like these when miracles happen the most.

Funny thing is, it’s no so much selling the house… it’s not so much really anything else besides me wanting to keep our house so that Jane and I can paint and decorate a nursery together for our son or daughter.  If we had to sell and move to some rental house, we obviously wouldn’t go all out on a nursery there.

I just have this image in my mind of Jane and I wearing old cloths, painting the nursery, listening to music, laughing, having fun, me recording a lot of it on video, and so on.  I know when Jane reads this, she is going to cry.  I’m sorry beautiful… If I can’t make magic happen in the next week and 1/2, I promise you that I will make magic happen this year and we’ll decorate an even better room and nursery than the room we’d use here.

And the funny thing is, in my little vision of us paining the room, we’re always painting it in GIRL colors!  I’ve gone back and fourth on that many times, but I think I keep settling on boy.  But my little visions of us painting and decorating the nursery are for a girl.  Which one is right?  We’ll see tomorrow!

Anyway, I’m working hard to make that vision a reality for my beautiful 17 week pregnant Jane.  Not just “work work”, but a lot of work upstairs.  Without getting all weird on you, I believe that the more you work on yourself, the more you can improve the things happening in your life.

For MONTHS all I’ve been focusing on is lack.  Lack of money.  Lack of business.  Lack of clients.  Lack of happiness.  Lack of everything.  And as the saying goes, ‘what you focus on expands and becomes your reality’, over the last several months I’ve created my reality though my focus.

I fell into the BIG TRAP that I successfully avoided for years while life and business was flourishing.  During this downward spiral I noticed that I paid attention to the news, the economy, felt like everything was getting worse out there, that I was going to lose most if not all of my clients, and so on.  And what happened?  All of it.

Over the last week I’ve been working hard to change my thinking.  And because of that, I’ve been able to reduce my stress levels 100 fold.  I’ve attracted some great people into my life.  I sold one of my dead businesses a week ago that has given us a couple of months of breathing room for the doctor bills and the mortgage.  Jane and I aren’t at each others throats like we were about a week ago when my bad attitude clashed with her pregnancy hormones – LOOK OUT!

So the last week has been a sort of a re-awakening for me.  It’s amazing how quickly and easily you can get off track.  And it’s even more amazing how hard it is and how long it takes to get back on the track.

Ahhh… so many great life lessons to share with my little Tarzan or Jane as he or she grows up.  And speaking of which, we need to get up and leave VERY early in the AM to head to the doctors for the ultrasound.  I better end my ramblings now so I can get some sleep!

We’ll post the results of the ultrasound as soon as we get back home!  (I was going to take my laptop with me so I can post “It’s a Boy!  or It’s a Girl!” here… who knows, I still might.)  :)

Here we go!!!!!!!

P.S… We now have 30 prizes worth over $1,200 for our big contest!  We will be launching the contest THIS Saturday!  It’s 100% free to enter.  Nothing to buy.  Several ways to enter – so much to win.  And yes, I am thinking about doing a LIVE video broadcast on the day that we pick the winners, so you can watch the drawing on your computer and see if you won a prize!  Jane and I just need to figure out how we can hide ourselves!  lol

You might also want to read:

1. Another father-to-be realization: Learning the sex of our baby makes things REAL.
2. Father-to-be woken up at 5 AM with severe chest pain… Pregnancy stress?
3. Pregnancy week 19 brings many happenings from listing our house due to no maternity insurance to the mysterious gallbladder.
4. Pregnant Thoughts From A Soon-To-Be Father
5. 15 weeks pregnant and the floodgates have opened: Crying during pregnancy and beyond?

Tagged as: baby, Husband, Mother, pregnant, Ultrasound, week 17