Saturday, August 2, 2014

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19 weeks pregnant: Pregnant girl at a bachelorette party… Oh how I can’t wait.

by Jane · 11 comments

Not excited about going to a bachelorette party pregnant.Yes, it’s true.  I have a bachelorette party coming up soon for one of my friends and I am not the least bit excited.  At all.  A 19 week pregnant girl in a bar with a bump.  Oh, I can hardly contain myself from how fun it sounds.  

Before I was pregnant, I was really fun and always up for going out and having a really good time.  OK, not to say that I’m not fun now, but I am different.  Obviously I can’t just go out and have drinks with my friends anymore.  

That’s a part of me that won’t resurface until sometime after July and it still won’t be like it was before.  I’ll have responsibilities then.  So much will be different and I won’t be able to just go out like I used to anymore.  But I’m completely okay with this new part of my life.  I believe it’s called growing up.

Right now my “fun” in the second trimester consists of food, sleep, being in comfy clothes, and thinking of boy names.  It’s not the same fun as getting drunk with my girlfriends on a special occasion.

And because this is one of my really good friends, I realize what a special occasion it is.  I realize that she does not understand in the slightest what it is like to be pregnant.  Before I became pregnant, she would always tell me, “Please don’t get pregnant until after I get married.  It won’t be as much fun.”  (She meant it in the nicest way.)

Her and I are a lot alike.  

For my wedding, I was the kind of girl that made my wedding planner (or even my mom at times) call back the guests that had RSVPed for them, plus their kids, when the invite specifically did not say the kids name.  No way was I having kids at my wedding.  I didn’t want them to cry when I was walking down the aisle or when Tarzan and I were saying our vows.  I guess I wanted to be the focus of the day and back then it seemed very important to me.  

Ducks kissing at a wedding.Well, fast forward a year and I realize that having kids at my wedding wouldn’t have been that bad.  Heck, dare I admit that kids being there would have still been fun.  Kids would have added a completely different element and it wouldn’t have been so awful.  See, I can realize that now.  Back a year ago, not so much.

And that’s where my friend is.  

Just like me, she is adamant on having no kids at the wedding, reception, or even the rehearsal.  And even though she won’t admit to me that she is a little saddened by my being pregnant, I know it to be true.  If one of my friends would have announced that she was pregnant during my wedding, I would have been a little sad (only for myself and selfish reasons, I will admit) too.  I think it’s natural, so I don’t take offense to some things she says/does.

But going to a bachelorette party when I’m not in all my glory doesn’t sound like too much fun.

There’s a lingerie shower first, then we are going out to dinner, then out to bars.  It will be a long night and I don’t see how I will last too long.  Shoot, I’ve been in bed at 930 pm on average, so making it until 2 am or later just isn’t realistic at all.  And this she doesn’t understand.

I hinted around to her that maybe I would go to the lingerie shower and dinner, but skip on going out.  She didn’t like this.  She asked me, “Why?”  

My reasons:  Bars might be smoky and I don’t want to be around that.  I will get tired early.  I will not have fun to be around a bunch of drunk people, pregnant.  

Her response was, “Jane, you will still be fun without drinking.”  Oh, good try my friend, but so not true.  I will be texting Tarzan all night complaining about how much it sucks.  I know myself and I’ve never been to a bar in my entire life without having at least one drink.  If you go to a bar, you have a drink (well, at least that’s how I do it).  

Totally not trying to be a Debbie-Downer here, but I just know that it won’t be that much fun.  I don’t want to have to put on an act that it’s the greatest time of my life, when it isn’t.  But, I feel like I do owe it to her by attending some of it.  I’m not sure how long I will last.  I feel like I’m going to want to leave after dinner because I’ll be getting tired.

The fact that she doesn’t understand it makes it tough.  I try to be sympathetic because I was that same girl a year ago.  I didn’t understand either.  Now I’m in a different place and I just hope that she gets it.  

She just sent me an i.m. on Yahoo that said, “Are you ready for tonight?

Jane: “Sure!” (Really, how ready can I be?  I just have to throw on clothes and attend.  Dumb question, if you ask me.)

Friend:  ”Well, don’t sound too enthusiastic…

Jane to myself: “Seriously, you just typed that?  Ugh.

It’s a no win situation.  I go for her sake and suck it up.  I know that when I leave early, she will be pissed.  I just know it.  I know that she won’t appreciate me going to the lingerie shower, dinner, and a bar or two.  

Friendships can sometimes be hard when pregnant.And that sucks because I have been trying to hard to make it special for her.  Of course I don’t ever say anything otherwise to her because that wouldn’t make me a good friend.  I love her to death, but I just wish that she could grow up just a little to realize that I am pregnant and I might be tired.  

Or my feet might hurt.  Or I might have to pee constantly.  Or that drinking water and being around a bunch of drunks just doesn’t sound appealing.  Or that I might sneeze and pee and be uncomfortable.  Or that I’m going to feel so awkward being pregnant in a bar.  

And again, that just sucks.  :(

You might also want to read:

  1. 21 weeks pregnant: Bachelorette party recap, maternity clothes shopping, my baby shower, loving my husband, and so much more
  2. Missing out on a bachelorette party because of my baby? Me? Really?!
  3. 5 weeks pregnant: To tell or wait
  4. Forget Victoria’s Secret, this 19 week pregnant girl is all about comfort now!
  5. 20 weeks pregnant: Starting to freak out over baby shower, baby furniture, and other overwhelming baby-related things.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lauren

Totally get where you are coming from. You miss those days going out, seeing friends, having drinks. It’s hard being pregnant while every one is drinking, I’ve never not drank at a party. But one day when your friend is pregnant, she will understand.

What I don’t get is why she would be mad that you didn’t go to a bar with her. I mean, lingerie shower and dinner is really nice, and I would appreciate my pregnant friends at least being there for one of those things, but I would never expect them to hang out at a smoky bar with drunks. I actually would hope that they wouldn’t. When I had my bachelorette party, I had some friends who had small children/babies, and couldn’t stay out long. That’s life, and maybe she just needs to grow up a bit. I’ve been there too.
Have fun at the shower and stay away from those dang smoky bars. If I even think about a drink or a cigarette it makes me nauseous. I am excited to hit the 2nd trimester this week and have those nauseous feelings pass!! :-)

2 Lesley

I have a similar situation!!!! My future sister-in-law is getting married on my due date….or I should say I’m having a baby on her wedding day. It’s a little bit of a sore subject since we were in the wedding in Jamaica and turned up preggers. We were not trying and they have been planning this for a year – so technically we messed up their day.

So, anyways I’m trying my best to help with plans for things here. I’m helping with the shower and the bachelorette party keeps coming up over and over and over again. I will go to dinner but not to bars with a pregnant belly. Most of my drinking friends are also preggers or just had babies so this hasn’t been an issue yet. I haven’t been to a bar since October when we found out and I want to keep it that way. You are totally right here!!!! I hope your friend realizes this when she’s preggers.

3 Crysi

My friend is having her 40th bday party tonight at a casino. Drinks, dancing, gambling and lots of smoke. She called me a couple days ago and let me know it was happening, but said she didn’t want the babies or me in that situation. I agreed. I’m just too tired and while the gambling would be fun, there’s not much else for me to do.

If you’re driving yourself, I’d just go to the party and dinner and then leave. She can bitch and whine about it, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, don’t push a pregnant body too hard. You can always hope that when she’s tired and pregnant, she’ll apologize to you, but some people never do grow up.

4 NeedsAStickyBaby

I feel your pain. This is one reason I adore my best friend, she got married in August and becuase a few of the guests were pregnant and the rest of us broke, she came up with the best bachelorette party ever. We sat around her living room and hung out. It was a total girls night, she had homemade facials for everyone, salt foot baths and nail painting. We played with each others hair and almost no one drank. I didn’t realize one of the girls was pregnant and was talking about how my Sister in Law had misscarried earlier that day (her baby had one of the same problems I’m having with mine right now…eep) and I felt so terrible freaking her out!

5 Tracey

Chin up Jane. I was absolutely the same when I got married, I waited 7 years before getting pregnant and I’m still not that fond of kids (except my own). Go and enjoy what you can of your friend’s party and go home when you need to, she will eventually understand. When you have time to throw a little post-married (and maybe even post-baby for you) party for the girls and remember what it feels like to be footlose for a few hours.

6 beagle

Blame it on the DR, just tell her “DR says I should avoid bars”….. Could you make it up to her by giving her a disposable camera and saying “Here take this to the bar I want to see the shenanigans y’all get into! Sorry I won’t make it but I don’t want to ruin your fun by throwing up on the bar when the cig smell makes me nauseous. ” You could plan a girls lunch for later on and laugh at all the photos together.

7 Talina

You are doing the best you can and that is all you can do. Don’t worry about her being pissed, that is her deal. You are making an effort despite the obvious awkwardness of the situation and you are being a good friend to her. Go you!

You know, you could try to see all this differently. You could have tons of fun documenting the absurdity of the night (for your blog) or for her. It could entertain you for a while until you get tired.

Just try your best to have fun and don’t be so hard on yourself. You are pregnant and now have different priorities.

8 Carolyn

I had to go to a bachelorette party when I was about 22 weeks pregnant. Luckily it was at a lake house, so I didn’t have to go to the bars. BUT the girls were smoking in the house, drinking all day and I was clearly not into any of that. I also ended up staying up until midnight to try to hang…but it was completely painful. And the next day, I honestly felt hungover from lack of sleep – and took a 3 hour nap when I got home. Not worth it. You want to try to still be normal, fun and like the other girls or like you used to be. But the reality is, you’re not. And if these girls haven’t been pregnant before, they totally won’t get it. Your little story sounds exactly like me to a T! Down to the NO KIDS at my wedding! However, now it wouldn’t be so bad. But 3 years ago, absolutely not. I think I have been to a bar once pregnant and it was totally painful. Not worth it. I feel like I hurt my little child just by being around all that smoke. Honestly – if you’re ready to go home, just go home. By that point, your friends will be drunk and it won’t bother her that much. But you will be soooo tired the next day if you try to stay up too late. Promise! Not getting enough sleep when preg is equal to being hungover – the worst.

9 Whitney

Don’t stress too much about it. Bars aren’t friendly places for pregnant women – there’s a reason you’re wanting to avoid it. Your friend might be upset for you not doing the whole event, but seriously, there are more important things in life, like taking care of your baby. Your friend obviously needs to grow up some. Married life will take care of that fast. Take care of yourself!

10 Jessi

You do what you have to do to be comfortable. Your friend will eventually, someday realize that “hey, there was a reason behind that”. I miss the old me, a lot, especially lately. I miss being able to go out with friends and being a total basketcase and never think twice. I’m a lot calmer now, because I’m practically being forced to remain chill. I hate it, in fact more then anything else that I’ve experienced during this pregnancy, is my total 180 in attitude. I miss my friends, we used to spend a lot of time together, and I think I’ve seen my best friend like 5 times since I’ve been pregnant. And one of those times, I was invited to tag along to the bars. I wasn’t showing a whole lot, so I threw on a shirt that hid my bump and went out. I pretended to have fun, but secretly I was miserable. Every smell in the bar made me nauseous, and watching people drink in front of me just made me mad because I wanted one, dang it! And the smoke, my boyfriend smokes, and he practically has to quarantine himself until he washes because even the faintest odor, I can smell, especially cigarettes. Not to mention, I turned 21 while 4 1/2 months pregnant! I’ve never been to a bar and been able to drink! How lame is that? I guess there will be plenty of time after the baby, but like you already mentioned, it won’t be the same, there will be a little bundle of responsibility….I can’t say this gets better, but I sure how I get back to “normal” after the baby.

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