Comments on: Pregnancy week 19 brings many happenings from listing our house due to no maternity insurance to the mysterious gallbladder. http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder Pregnancy and baby blog, a couple shares their true story into parenthood. Sat, 11 Sep 2010 00:00:11 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: Tarzan http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2078 Tarzan Thu, 05 Mar 2009 15:32:28 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2078 Laura, Jane and I read your post. Thanks. We see that there are some VERY, VERY big cultural differences between us. We're happy to have you as a reader and we wish you the best with your pregnancy. Laura, Jane and I read your post. Thanks. We see that there are some VERY, VERY big cultural differences between us. We’re happy to have you as a reader and we wish you the best with your pregnancy.

]]> By: Laura http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2065 Laura Thu, 05 Mar 2009 09:54:30 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2065 Wow! I realize how easy it would have been to simply delete my comment, and I truly appreciate the honesty and dignity in your answer, and the way you dealt with my criticism, including the provocative parts :). (I'm sorry by the way for all the mistakes I'm making, language- or grammarwise, english not being my first, or even second language, I know some of the words I use may sound clumsy.) So where should I start.. This is going to be a long post I'm afraid, mainly because I want to pay you back the compliment and really get into the things you shared with your readers. The word redneck was inapprobriate, I know, and I should have left that part out. I apologize. I do know what it means, and didn't use it by accident or anything, I really got the impression by partly (over)reading some of your writing, but I also know, that over here many people count half of all americans to fit into that description, which is rude and ignorant, and I should know better myself :). There is a cultural difference I guess, that explains a lot of the stuff that seems hard for me to understand, and doesn't prove that you are uneducated or ignorant, I'll talk about that in a minute. (For the record, you could have called me the liberal-leftist-academic-snob-who-would-NEVER-have-the-guts-to-start-any-kind-of-business-of-her-own-because-she-doesn't-deal-too-well-with-stress-and-would-make-her-own-intestines-explode-by-worrying-about-the-responsibility and be totally right, but you chose not to, and thereas made your point the best way possible. I have read your posts, all of them, and mostly laughed and anticipated the next one. There is clearly very much love and warmth between the two of you, and judging some of the comments other people have left here (hey, at least you got proof of very many sympathetic readers who were ready to defend you in a heartbeat, maybe some of them without even reading my post very carefully in the first place) I guess MY comment seemed to imply that there wasn't..? That was never my intention, I did critizise the patronizing (better than dominant, huh?) tone that could be heard (or that I seemed to hear :D) in some of your writings, that seemed to imply, that you are the one making decisions (please bear with me, I'll explain what I mean in a second). Of course, when writing something down in a blog, it's useful to joke and even exxaggerate a little to get your point accross, and it's the talent of writing in a juicy way that makes people want to come back and read some more (at least that sounds logical to me, I've never had a blog of my own, so I haven't got first hand experience, only the experience of a reader). There is a fine line though between 1. being ironic and making it still clear to the reader that you are aware of the other side of the story, and 2.making stereotypical jokes and leaving out the important part, namely laughing at yourself at the same time. First type is common in good writing on the internet, but then again, I guess Dooce had to have quite some practice as well before reaching the point where she is now :). I know I'm being a pain in the ass here, and most of the other readers will roll their eyes and just think that I'm being petty, but still, it was my genuine reaction to, and feeling about, what you had written, and stereotypes about how "boys will be boys" always make my blood boil.. Still doesn't justify the redneck-stereotype, I know. But it is your blog, you can write any way you want, thanks for letting me critizise it, and I'm relieved to know that you are aware of the influence parents and their way of treating boys/girls have on children's behaviour. (Although I'm tempted because of my background and studying, I won't bore you with all the studies about how parents react differently to boys crying/girls crying, or how adults interpret differently a small child's needs, when in different experiments they are told that the child they see (for example on video) is a boy/a girl, because I guess you know about that stuff yourself. And yes, I do know, that there are different opinions about genetic/cultural influence in behaviour, even among experts and psychologists.) This is simply an iteresting topic for me personally, but it's getting too far away from this comments purpose. I never thought that you literally meant "investing" when talking about the shoes, what caught my ear was the "I took my wife shopping"-attitude. And here we get to the possible cultural differences. I would squirm, and so would most of my friends, if I heard my husband talking about taking me shopping, although techically, he is making most of our money, and will be for quite some time to come, me working only part-time, studying at two universities, and being a mom, soon a mom of two. The only person I know, who talks that way, is my husbands mother, who is 58 years old, and tells everybody how her husband took her out to buy her a new bag. It simply sounds patronizing, as does the part about Tarzan providing for the family, rather than thinking in terms of providing together, and if I overreacted to it, and misinterpreted you, I apologize. Another probably cultural difference: If here a guy under 40 would talk about working 17-18 hours to make things work out fot the family, he would maybe be seen as eager and hardworking, but more than that, if he had a family, people would wonder about how he can allow himself not to spend time with his child or children, and they would pity his wife, and more often than not see him as someone who runs away from his responsibilites as a father. For tha past 15 years or so, men are being more and more appreciated for changing diapers, than for bringing in a lot of money. Which in some cases is a problem, since the women still stay at home more often than men, and many prefer it that way, and men are then expected to be full-time-dads as well as working full time. Although in Finland most people, men and women, go back to work quite soon after they have children, and most children have to start going to kindergarden too early (in my opinion), at the age of 2-3 or even as one-year-olds. Jane, I loved the part where you wrote about how Tarzan does listen to you, and respects you. I had noticed, that he was the one who talked about the money, or what choices you are making financially, and it does explain a lot, when you say, that it was a concious decision on your part not to, rather than a matter of not being involved. And by the way, I do have a loving husband who actually is the softer one of us two and has sheer endless empathy for my often crazy hormonal fears and moods (contrary to what one of the readers suggested :D), and when I wrote that "Tarzan seems to have some empathy for Jane", I was referring to the way you talk about Jane, with love, but still with a slightly patronizing tag on the words (again, that's at least how I interpreted it), I should have written "SOME empathy for Jane" to make myself more clear. There being many forms of empathy, from giving the other what you think she/he needs, to giving them what they themselves want. But I guess it maybe didn't come accross that way to you guys anyway. Thank you for sharing the part about your father, Tarzan, I hope he is doing fine, and will be for many years to come, and I understand now, that you wouldn't want him to worry about you. It was a simple phrase in your blogpost, that caused me to think, that you were the one making the decision about who not to tell and what, the sentence "I’m not going to want any of Pregnant Jane’s family or any of our friends over. It’ll be just too damn embarrassing for me. " I read the "I" and the "Me", and nothing about how Jane feels about it, and even if you didn't mean it quite that literally, like you later wrote, it sounded scary, it sounded like someone who is so concerned about how things appear on the outside, that he is willing to make his wife's life harder. I'm glad that was corrected. One more thing: Be it cultural, or what, for me it is very difficult to understand, that it hurts your pride that much to be in an economically difficult situation. I take your word for it, but still can't really relate. Being just plain normal middle-class myself, having middle-class parents, I've never experienced such brain-wrecking-wealth :). So I'm probably not qualified to judge how people should/could feel when they have that, and lose it (just temporarily in your case, I'm sure). And maybe I'm being too hasty to jump to conclusions (blame all the psychologystuff for that), but could it just be, that building everything up yourself (which is very admirable, I have no doubt that you can do smart business moves and handle pressure very well), and building up your personality at the same time, since you have had to be very young when you first started your businesses, if you are still in your twenties, you identify very much with the wealth you built up, and that you feel more mortified than you had, if you had just earned the money from your family. I'm not going to contrast wealth-education, but there are some things you can lose, and others that you can't, maybe it wouldn't have been such a blow for you, if you had taken the regular route, and at the end lost money that you had been making as the harvard-bred-lawyer-for-some-bigass-company or something? And I'm not saying, that that would have been better, I'm just explaining, why it was so difficult for me to understand you without knowing anything about the background (it still is, even with knowing it, but I guess it can't be helped, that is something coming from my own upbringing, in my family money never was a big issue or something anybody would be very proud of, high education on the other hand was, and is, and coming from somewhere like that, I have my own ties, which probably keep me from being very objective. I'm really glad, that you two have a loving relationship, and build up each others self-esteem. I'm sure that you are going to get through the hard times. Something that struck me was the fact that you don't watch the news or read newspapers? Do you mean just for now, when the economical situation is what it is? Or are you talking about your life in general. We don't have a television ourselves, because I don't approve of 80 percent of childrens shows that they are showing, and believe that my daughter can live without the rest, even if it wouldn't be harmful, so it seems a waste of time, and me and my husband also have better things to do than watch tv-shows, when we have spare time (we do own dvds and a computer though :)). But I can honestly admit to being addicted to newspapers, good literature (I feel that it is also important to read as much to and with my child as I can, just to give them a broader perspective of life), and overall KNOWLEDGE. I'll read almost anything, fact or fiction, as long as it's good, and would be only half of the person I am now, had I never got to know Steinbeck or Tolstoi. I am reading Narnia to my daughter at the moment, and we both love being thrown into different worlds, worlds you can reach with WORDS, literary worlds. What I referred to my asking if you were "normal, well-educated people", was not whether you were "as most people, or acting like most people", I meant "sane, well-educated people", I wanted to know, if you were what for me refers to as "sophisticated people". It may well be a flawed prespective, but it is mine, and reading about the two of you and your lives, I feel like I'm inspecting some kind of a completely new and rare race (my major at the moment is social antrhropology), it's fascinating. I love discussing things, even provoking, and am only glad, when I get the chance to do it with a complete stranger. I love different opinions, even angry ones, when they are explained and made logical. I don't know if all this has helped you understand my point of you in the least, but I have enjoyed this very much, and do feel, that reading your answers, I know a lot more about your motives, than when I wrote my first comment. Then again, there is a slight possibility that you belong to some sort of a religious group, that simply considers tv and worldly news to be evil ;)? I'll try to send this out now, I have been writing this instead of studying for a sociology class (and have enjoyed it much more). I'll continue to read your blog, and look at how Janes tummy will continue to grow, and know that I'm coming right behind you all the time. I also have an anterior placenta, so I guess it will be a few more weeks until I feel the baby move. It could be any day now for you!! And regarding your other post Jane, I agree with the reader who wrote about the not very accurate way of measuring the size of the baby when you do it from the outside, you can't even tell how much amniotic fluid there is when you just look at a belly, so the baby could be several weeks smaller (and at least here in Finland even the ultrasoundmeasurements aren't always that precise.) Oh yeah, about writing from "Finland, Europe".. Maybe it's just a legend, but here we read that only half of Americans can locate the different continents when they are shown a globe, so I assumed that most of you wouldn't know where to put Finland, it is a small northern-Europe country after all. Sorry for thinking you were more ignorant than you were.. Wow! I realize how easy it would have been to simply delete my comment, and I truly appreciate the honesty and dignity in your answer, and the way you dealt with my criticism, including the provocative parts :) . (I’m sorry by the way for all the mistakes I’m making, language- or grammarwise, english not being my first, or even second language, I know some of the words I use may sound clumsy.)
So where should I start.. This is going to be a long post I’m afraid, mainly because I want to pay you back the compliment and really get into the things you shared with your readers.
The word redneck was inapprobriate, I know, and I should have left that part out. I apologize. I do know what it means, and didn’t use it by accident or anything, I really got the impression by partly (over)reading some of your writing, but I also know, that over here many people count half of all americans to fit into that description, which is rude and ignorant, and I should know better myself :) . There is a cultural difference I guess, that explains a lot of the stuff that seems hard for me to understand, and doesn’t prove that you are uneducated or ignorant, I’ll talk about that in a minute. (For the record, you could have called me the liberal-leftist-academic-snob-who-would-NEVER-have-the-guts-to-start-any-kind-of-business-of-her-own-because-she-doesn’t-deal-too-well-with-stress-and-would-make-her-own-intestines-explode-by-worrying-about-the-responsibility and be totally right, but you chose not to, and thereas made your point the best way possible.
I have read your posts, all of them, and mostly laughed and anticipated the next one. There is clearly very much love and warmth between the two of you, and judging some of the comments other people have left here (hey, at least you got proof of very many sympathetic readers who were ready to defend you in a heartbeat, maybe some of them without even reading my post very carefully in the first place) I guess MY comment seemed to imply that there wasn’t..? That was never my intention, I did critizise the patronizing (better than dominant, huh?) tone that could be heard (or that I seemed to hear :D ) in some of your writings, that seemed to imply, that you are the one making decisions (please bear with me, I’ll explain what I mean in a second).
Of course, when writing something down in a blog, it’s useful to joke and even exxaggerate a little to get your point accross, and it’s the talent of writing in a juicy way that makes people want to come back and read some more (at least that sounds logical to me, I’ve never had a blog of my own, so I haven’t got first hand experience, only the experience of a reader). There is a fine line though between 1. being ironic and making it still clear to the reader that you are aware of the other side of the story, and 2.making stereotypical jokes and leaving out the important part, namely laughing at yourself at the same time. First type is common in good writing on the internet, but then again, I guess Dooce had to have quite some practice as well before reaching the point where she is now :) . I know I’m being a pain in the ass here, and most of the other readers will roll their eyes and just think that I’m being petty, but still, it was my genuine reaction to, and feeling about, what you had written, and stereotypes about how “boys will be boys” always make my blood boil.. Still doesn’t justify the redneck-stereotype, I know. But it is your blog, you can write any way you want, thanks for letting me critizise it, and I’m relieved to know that you are aware of the influence parents and their way of treating boys/girls have on children’s behaviour. (Although I’m tempted because of my background and studying, I won’t bore you with all the studies about how parents react differently to boys crying/girls crying, or how adults interpret differently a small child’s needs, when in different experiments they are told that the child they see (for example on video) is a boy/a girl, because I guess you know about that stuff yourself. And yes, I do know, that there are different opinions about genetic/cultural influence in behaviour, even among experts and psychologists.)
This is simply an iteresting topic for me personally, but it’s getting too far away from this comments purpose.
I never thought that you literally meant “investing” when talking about the shoes, what caught my ear was the “I took my wife shopping”-attitude. And here we get to the possible cultural differences. I would squirm, and so would most of my friends, if I heard my husband talking about taking me shopping, although techically, he is making most of our money, and will be for quite some time to come, me working only part-time, studying at two universities, and being a mom, soon a mom of two. The only person I know, who talks that way, is my husbands mother, who is 58 years old, and tells everybody how her husband took her out to buy her a new bag. It simply sounds patronizing, as does the part about Tarzan providing for the family, rather than thinking in terms of providing together, and if I overreacted to it, and misinterpreted you, I apologize. Another probably cultural difference: If here a guy under 40 would talk about working 17-18 hours to make things work out fot the family, he would maybe be seen as eager and hardworking, but more than that, if he had a family, people would wonder about how he can allow himself not to spend time with his child or children, and they would pity his wife, and more often than not see him as someone who runs away from his responsibilites as a father. For tha past 15 years or so, men are being more and more appreciated for changing diapers, than for bringing in a lot of money. Which in some cases is a problem, since the women still stay at home more often than men, and many prefer it that way, and men are then expected to be full-time-dads as well as working full time. Although in Finland most people, men and women, go back to work quite soon after they have children, and most children have to start going to kindergarden too early (in my opinion), at the age of 2-3 or even as one-year-olds.
Jane, I loved the part where you wrote about how Tarzan does listen to you, and respects you. I had noticed, that he was the one who talked about the money, or what choices you are making financially, and it does explain a lot, when you say, that it was a concious decision on your part not to, rather than a matter of not being involved. And by the way, I do have a loving husband who actually is the softer one of us two and has sheer endless empathy for my often crazy hormonal fears and moods (contrary to what one of the readers suggested :D ), and when I wrote that “Tarzan seems to have some empathy for Jane”, I was referring to the way you talk about Jane, with love, but still with a slightly patronizing tag on the words (again, that’s at least how I interpreted it), I should have written “SOME empathy for Jane” to make myself more clear. There being many forms of empathy, from giving the other what you think she/he needs, to giving them what they themselves want. But I guess it maybe didn’t come accross that way to you guys anyway.
Thank you for sharing the part about your father, Tarzan, I hope he is doing fine, and will be for many years to come, and I understand now, that you wouldn’t want him to worry about you. It was a simple phrase in your blogpost, that caused me to think, that you were the one making the decision about who not to tell and what, the sentence “I’m not going to want any of Pregnant Jane’s family or any of our friends over. It’ll be just too damn embarrassing for me. ” I read the “I” and the “Me”, and nothing about how Jane feels about it, and even if you didn’t mean it quite that literally, like you later wrote, it sounded scary, it sounded like someone who is so concerned about how things appear on the outside, that he is willing to make his wife’s life harder. I’m glad that was corrected.
One more thing: Be it cultural, or what, for me it is very difficult to understand, that it hurts your pride that much to be in an economically difficult situation. I take your word for it, but still can’t really relate. Being just plain normal middle-class myself, having middle-class parents, I’ve never experienced such brain-wrecking-wealth :) . So I’m probably not qualified to judge how people should/could feel when they have that, and lose it (just temporarily in your case, I’m sure). And maybe I’m being too hasty to jump to conclusions (blame all the psychologystuff for that), but could it just be, that building everything up yourself (which is very admirable, I have no doubt that you can do smart business moves and handle pressure very well), and building up your personality at the same time, since you have had to be very young when you first started your businesses, if you are still in your twenties, you identify very much with the wealth you built up, and that you feel more mortified than you had, if you had just earned the money from your family. I’m not going to contrast wealth-education, but there are some things you can lose, and others that you can’t, maybe it wouldn’t have been such a blow for you, if you had taken the regular route, and at the end lost money that you had been making as the harvard-bred-lawyer-for-some-bigass-company or something? And I’m not saying, that that would have been better, I’m just explaining, why it was so difficult for me to understand you without knowing anything about the background (it still is, even with knowing it, but I guess it can’t be helped, that is something coming from my own upbringing, in my family money never was a big issue or something anybody would be very proud of, high education on the other hand was, and is, and coming from somewhere like that, I have my own ties, which probably keep me from being very objective.
I’m really glad, that you two have a loving relationship, and build up each others self-esteem. I’m sure that you are going to get through the hard times.
Something that struck me was the fact that you don’t watch the news or read newspapers? Do you mean just for now, when the economical situation is what it is? Or are you talking about your life in general. We don’t have a television ourselves, because I don’t approve of 80 percent of childrens shows that they are showing, and believe that my daughter can live without the rest, even if it wouldn’t be harmful, so it seems a waste of time, and me and my husband also have better things to do than watch tv-shows, when we have spare time (we do own dvds and a computer though :) ). But I can honestly admit to being addicted to newspapers, good literature (I feel that it is also important to read as much to and with my child as I can, just to give them a broader perspective of life), and overall KNOWLEDGE. I’ll read almost anything, fact or fiction, as long as it’s good, and would be only half of the person I am now, had I never got to know Steinbeck or Tolstoi. I am reading Narnia to my daughter at the moment, and we both love being thrown into different worlds, worlds you can reach with WORDS, literary worlds.
What I referred to my asking if you were “normal, well-educated people”, was not whether you were “as most people, or acting like most people”, I meant “sane, well-educated people”, I wanted to know, if you were what for me refers to as “sophisticated people”. It may well be a flawed prespective, but it is mine, and reading about the two of you and your lives, I feel like I’m inspecting some kind of a completely new and rare race (my major at the moment is social antrhropology), it’s fascinating. I love discussing things, even provoking, and am only glad, when I get the chance to do it with a complete stranger. I love different opinions, even angry ones, when they are explained and made logical. I don’t know if all this has helped you understand my point of you in the least, but I have enjoyed this very much, and do feel, that reading your answers, I know a lot more about your motives, than when I wrote my first comment. Then again, there is a slight possibility that you belong to some sort of a religious group, that simply considers tv and worldly news to be evil ;) ?
I’ll try to send this out now, I have been writing this instead of studying for a sociology class (and have enjoyed it much more). I’ll continue to read your blog, and look at how Janes tummy will continue to grow, and know that I’m coming right behind you all the time. I also have an anterior placenta, so I guess it will be a few more weeks until I feel the baby move. It could be any day now for you!! And regarding your other post Jane, I agree with the reader who wrote about the not very accurate way of measuring the size of the baby when you do it from the outside, you can’t even tell how much amniotic fluid there is when you just look at a belly, so the baby could be several weeks smaller (and at least here in Finland even the ultrasoundmeasurements aren’t always that precise.) Oh yeah, about writing from “Finland, Europe”.. Maybe it’s just a legend, but here we read that only half of Americans can locate the different continents when they are shown a globe, so I assumed that most of you wouldn’t know where to put Finland, it is a small northern-Europe country after all. Sorry for thinking you were more ignorant than you were..

]]> By: Tarzan http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2060 Tarzan Thu, 05 Mar 2009 06:34:07 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2060 NeedsAStickyBaby... Thank you. Jane and I hope everything is going well for you guys. Come back often because we worry if we don't see a comment from you. I appreciate the feedback and keep your head up kiddo. ;) We'll do our best to provide some good old fashioned kicks in the butt and laughs when you guys/gals need it. All we ask is the same when you think we need it. And hey, we all need some of those from time to time... sometimes a LOT of the time as we all know! :) NeedsAStickyBaby… Thank you. Jane and I hope everything is going well for you guys. Come back often because we worry if we don’t see a comment from you. I appreciate the feedback and keep your head up kiddo. ;) We’ll do our best to provide some good old fashioned kicks in the butt and laughs when you guys/gals need it. All we ask is the same when you think we need it. And hey, we all need some of those from time to time… sometimes a LOT of the time as we all know! :)

]]> By: NeedsAStickyBaby http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2058 NeedsAStickyBaby Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:23:44 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2058 I really hate judgemental people. This blog has helped me keep my head up durring some very hard times. I see myself and my husband so much in the two of you. Both individually and as a couple and found Laura's comment in total distaste, as well as untrue. You are doing everything you can for your wife and child, I don't see how anyone can find fault with that. I find it very hard to share my finaitial trouble with family. I hate to look a failure so I totally understand. All I have to say is some people suck and arn't worth the time of day.. Laura is one of them as far as I am concerned. I really hate judgemental people. This blog has helped me keep my head up durring some very hard times. I see myself and my husband so much in the two of you. Both individually and as a couple and found Laura’s comment in total distaste, as well as untrue. You are doing everything you can for your wife and child, I don’t see how anyone can find fault with that.

I find it very hard to share my finaitial trouble with family. I hate to look a failure so I totally understand. All I have to say is some people suck and arn’t worth the time of day.. Laura is one of them as far as I am concerned.

]]> By: Tarzan http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2048 Tarzan Thu, 05 Mar 2009 01:31:15 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2048 @Tracey... It's great to meet someone who has been through a VERY similar situation. However, you guys deserve a lot of credit for moving into a place with roaches. Eeks! Those things are so hard to get rid of. I had a rental property where the people moved out and left me with THOUSANDS of roaches. Took 3 trips by the exterminator to rid them. They had never seen anything like it. The culprit? They used boxes from a grocery store to move. Roaches lay eggs in boxes. Makes you think twice about grocery shopping sometimes, let me tell you! However, they ran out on me, owed 3 months of rent, and they brought all of the boxes with them into their new place. That was justice served enough for me. :) But again, it's good to hear from someone who can relate to what we're going through. I agree with you - going through things like this as a couple makes you so much stronger together and creates one heck of a bond. It's like Gorilla Glue for a relationship! Congrats on expecting baby # 2 and it's so good to hear that your husband loves his job and that things are so much better than the 1st time. Jane and I do want to have another one after baby Tarzan at some point. We're going to try for a mini Jane this time. :) And I can assure you, Jane, and everyone else, we won't be going through anything like this before - that's for darn sure. :) Also, that is interesting advise about setting up the place like we're going to be there for a long time. I was thinking it would be much harder that way, but can see how it would make things a little more comfortable and easier, given how difficult the situation is. Thanks again for sharing! @Tracey… It’s great to meet someone who has been through a VERY similar situation. However, you guys deserve a lot of credit for moving into a place with roaches. Eeks! Those things are so hard to get rid of. I had a rental property where the people moved out and left me with THOUSANDS of roaches. Took 3 trips by the exterminator to rid them. They had never seen anything like it. The culprit? They used boxes from a grocery store to move. Roaches lay eggs in boxes. Makes you think twice about grocery shopping sometimes, let me tell you! However, they ran out on me, owed 3 months of rent, and they brought all of the boxes with them into their new place. That was justice served enough for me. :)

But again, it’s good to hear from someone who can relate to what we’re going through. I agree with you – going through things like this as a couple makes you so much stronger together and creates one heck of a bond. It’s like Gorilla Glue for a relationship!

Congrats on expecting baby # 2 and it’s so good to hear that your husband loves his job and that things are so much better than the 1st time. Jane and I do want to have another one after baby Tarzan at some point. We’re going to try for a mini Jane this time. :) And I can assure you, Jane, and everyone else, we won’t be going through anything like this before – that’s for darn sure. :)

Also, that is interesting advise about setting up the place like we’re going to be there for a long time. I was thinking it would be much harder that way, but can see how it would make things a little more comfortable and easier, given how difficult the situation is. Thanks again for sharing!

]]> By: Tracey http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2034 Tracey Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:39:51 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2034 I know this is a really hard time for you both. When I was pregnant with my first we had to sell our house and move REALLY FAR so my husband could do more schooling to get a job he loved and I became the family breadwinner. Going from our beautiful new place with a comfortable income to a disgusting apartment (complete with roaches - shudder) and living on my salary was super stressful. We had to give up some things too, like the nursery and so many of the baby things I would have loved to have. But it was a good decision. Because of what we did, my husband has a job he loves, and we know that we are strong enough to pull through anything. Making sacrifices together bonds you like you wouldn't believe. And I totally understand about feeling embarrassed about the new place and not wanting to make it home, but your family can be a great source of support. Though you may not want to fill your families in on the details (I certainly didn't) I'm sure they know things are a little tough for you and will be happy to help make your new place a happy one. You may also consider trying to set up the place as if you will be there for a long time, I have tried both ways and I felt happier when I had my stuff around me and organized. Now for us, expecting baby #2, things are so much better than the first time. You guys are smart, hardworking, and realistic, you will get through this and come out better at the end. I know this is a really hard time for you both. When I was pregnant with my first we had to sell our house and move REALLY FAR so my husband could do more schooling to get a job he loved and I became the family breadwinner. Going from our beautiful new place with a comfortable income to a disgusting apartment (complete with roaches – shudder) and living on my salary was super stressful. We had to give up some things too, like the nursery and so many of the baby things I would have loved to have. But it was a good decision. Because of what we did, my husband has a job he loves, and we know that we are strong enough to pull through anything. Making sacrifices together bonds you like you wouldn’t believe.

And I totally understand about feeling embarrassed about the new place and not wanting to make it home, but your family can be a great source of support. Though you may not want to fill your families in on the details (I certainly didn’t) I’m sure they know things are a little tough for you and will be happy to help make your new place a happy one. You may also consider trying to set up the place as if you will be there for a long time, I have tried both ways and I felt happier when I had my stuff around me and organized.

Now for us, expecting baby #2, things are so much better than the first time. You guys are smart, hardworking, and realistic, you will get through this and come out better at the end.

]]> By: Jane http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2028 Jane Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:28:03 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2028 First of all, thanks to all the great comments above. I love that we have such a great following of people who believe in us and who are rooting for us. Lanea, I especially loved what you had to say! Didn't you know that it's so lame for a husband to care about his wife? It's not cool anymore. You should get with the program. ;) Ha, ha. Now, Laura... Where do I even start? I guess I'll first say thanks for the advice about the weight gain. It's hard to swallow when you see the scale moving up, but I know it's part of the whole pregnancy thing. I'll get through it and be back in my sexy stuff soon enough! Thanks again and congrats on your pregnancy. Now, onto the rest of your comment... First of all, Tarzan does not make the decisions. It's funny that he comes across as the dominant one, but I assure you that I am anything but submissive. We talk about every detail and handle it accordingly. I have never and will never just take a backseat to my life, so please don't worry about that. He decides to blog about our financial worries and I choose not to. I choose to just figure it out and try to stay positive and it helps him to get it out in the open. We are different in that respect and that's why we are so good together. Next, telling our families. We are both adults and do not feel like our families need to know ALL of what's going on in our lives. My parents have money and they would offer it to us in a heartbeat if they knew that we needed it. If you've read previous posts, you know that Tarzan and I would never accept any money, therefore, why tell them? Tarzan explained about his dad, so I won't say the same thing. As far as our friends are concerned, Tarzan prob. exaggerated just a little. I'm sure we will have them come over when we have the baby, but it will be slightly embarrassing. Tarzan briefly went into detail about the way our life used to be and how it has changed now. Yes, we both have pride too and we'll both be the first to admit that. We are both strong people and want the best of it all and refuse to settle for anything less. Yes, this is a slight setback, but it won't stop us from being the people we truly desire to be. We will only grow from this and it will continue to make us stronger. Imagine going from owning over a 3500 square foot house to renting a 1000 square foot house. It's quite different and it will be slightly embarrassing to have friends over. Superficial comment there? Maybe, but it's just how we are. No one ever wants to fall down, but we will pick ourselves back up and be even bigger and better. I do appreciate you being concerned for me and for Tarzan "depriving me" of certain people and things, but really?! Do you honestly think that my husband would "deprive" me of such things? Do you really think that I would marry someone like that? REALLY? Here in Houston, TX, United States of America, we might do things just a little different than you. Healthcare for one is a big pain in the ass, you should be lucky that you have it so easy. It's hard when you have to worry about spending so much money on a big surprise. It starts to take a toll on you and I feel lucky that Tarzan and myself have made the decision to do what is best for our family. We made this decision so that we do not live beyond our means. We choose to get our feet back on the ground and taking a step back. There are so many variables in our situation... It's not our fault that the economy is sucking right now, but we will do what we need to do better ourselves in this crummy situation. Definition of a redneck according to dictionary.com: 1. uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South (Pot, meet kettle. Sterotype, what?) I assure you that we are not rednecks. We might live in Texas, but surprise, surprise, we do not all ride horses, wear cowboy boots, or belt buckles. We do not all listen to country music and talk in a funny accent. We are both educated (Tarzan with the business smarts and street sense and me with college) and we are far from being a redneck. I have the greatest husband in the world. Not to get all mushy on all of you readers, but really, I couldn't have picked a better husband for myself. We completely compliment each other in every way and he is my best friend. I have so much admiration and love for him that it is crazy. Reading your comment about dominance, empathy, and whatever else was said made me laugh, but it pissed me off more. If you had read any of our previous blogs, you know that Tarzan and I both have a mutual love for each other and we do things with the other in mind. Really, we have a great marriage and shame on you for making it sound otherwise. Oh, and one last thing - We are far from normal. Why strive to be mediocre when we can be so much beyond that? I take pride in being far from normal and there is nothing more that would suck than having the same mindset and thinking just like everyone else. BORING. Hope you have a great pregnancy! Hope you come back real soon, y'hear? First of all, thanks to all the great comments above. I love that we have such a great following of people who believe in us and who are rooting for us. Lanea, I especially loved what you had to say! Didn’t you know that it’s so lame for a husband to care about his wife? It’s not cool anymore. You should get with the program. ;) Ha, ha.

Now, Laura…

Where do I even start? I guess I’ll first say thanks for the advice about the weight gain. It’s hard to swallow when you see the scale moving up, but I know it’s part of the whole pregnancy thing. I’ll get through it and be back in my sexy stuff soon enough! Thanks again and congrats on your pregnancy.

Now, onto the rest of your comment…

First of all, Tarzan does not make the decisions. It’s funny that he comes across as the dominant one, but I assure you that I am anything but submissive. We talk about every detail and handle it accordingly. I have never and will never just take a backseat to my life, so please don’t worry about that. He decides to blog about our financial worries and I choose not to. I choose to just figure it out and try to stay positive and it helps him to get it out in the open. We are different in that respect and that’s why we are so good together.

Next, telling our families. We are both adults and do not feel like our families need to know ALL of what’s going on in our lives. My parents have money and they would offer it to us in a heartbeat if they knew that we needed it. If you’ve read previous posts, you know that Tarzan and I would never accept any money, therefore, why tell them? Tarzan explained about his dad, so I won’t say the same thing.

As far as our friends are concerned, Tarzan prob. exaggerated just a little. I’m sure we will have them come over when we have the baby, but it will be slightly embarrassing. Tarzan briefly went into detail about the way our life used to be and how it has changed now. Yes, we both have pride too and we’ll both be the first to admit that. We are both strong people and want the best of it all and refuse to settle for anything less. Yes, this is a slight setback, but it won’t stop us from being the people we truly desire to be. We will only grow from this and it will continue to make us stronger.

Imagine going from owning over a 3500 square foot house to renting a 1000 square foot house. It’s quite different and it will be slightly embarrassing to have friends over. Superficial comment there? Maybe, but it’s just how we are. No one ever wants to fall down, but we will pick ourselves back up and be even bigger and better.

I do appreciate you being concerned for me and for Tarzan “depriving me” of certain people and things, but really?! Do you honestly think that my husband would “deprive” me of such things? Do you really think that I would marry someone like that? REALLY?

Here in Houston, TX, United States of America, we might do things just a little different than you. Healthcare for one is a big pain in the ass, you should be lucky that you have it so easy. It’s hard when you have to worry about spending so much money on a big surprise. It starts to take a toll on you and I feel lucky that Tarzan and myself have made the decision to do what is best for our family.

We made this decision so that we do not live beyond our means. We choose to get our feet back on the ground and taking a step back. There are so many variables in our situation… It’s not our fault that the economy is sucking right now, but we will do what we need to do better ourselves in this crummy situation.

Definition of a redneck according to dictionary.com:
1. uneducated white farm laborer, esp. from the South (Pot, meet kettle. Sterotype, what?)

I assure you that we are not rednecks. We might live in Texas, but surprise, surprise, we do not all ride horses, wear cowboy boots, or belt buckles. We do not all listen to country music and talk in a funny accent. We are both educated (Tarzan with the business smarts and street sense and me with college) and we are far from being a redneck.

I have the greatest husband in the world. Not to get all mushy on all of you readers, but really, I couldn’t have picked a better husband for myself. We completely compliment each other in every way and he is my best friend. I have so much admiration and love for him that it is crazy.

Reading your comment about dominance, empathy, and whatever else was said made me laugh, but it pissed me off more. If you had read any of our previous blogs, you know that Tarzan and I both have a mutual love for each other and we do things with the other in mind. Really, we have a great marriage and shame on you for making it sound otherwise.

Oh, and one last thing – We are far from normal. Why strive to be mediocre when we can be so much beyond that? I take pride in being far from normal and there is nothing more that would suck than having the same mindset and thinking just like everyone else. BORING.

Hope you have a great pregnancy! Hope you come back real soon, y’hear?

]]> By: Julie http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2027 Julie Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:27:33 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2027 I just wanted to say that while you're feeling stressed and saddened by this decision, I am impressed by your intelligence with the decision. It's not easy to admit that you just can't afford to continue to live the way you've gotten accustomed to. It's not easy to suck it up, and move somewhere less expensive & less satisfying to yourself. It's not easy to feel all of those things, but there is some pride in making the best decision for your family. A real man knows when to make the right decision, and it's clear that you are doing just that. I just wanted to say that while you’re feeling stressed and saddened by this decision, I am impressed by your intelligence with the decision. It’s not easy to admit that you just can’t afford to continue to live the way you’ve gotten accustomed to. It’s not easy to suck it up, and move somewhere less expensive & less satisfying to yourself. It’s not easy to feel all of those things, but there is some pride in making the best decision for your family. A real man knows when to make the right decision, and it’s clear that you are doing just that.

]]> By: Lanea http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2025 Lanea Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:41:43 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2025 To Laura: I believe you have misread this blog. It is sometimes really had to get your point across with words, and maybe the humor didn't transfer across cultures considering you live in Finland, Europe (by the way I think everybody knows that Findland is in Europe but I guess Jane & Tarzan are just un-normal, un-educated, Redneck people (just kidding)). Personally I have just read the immense love and respect that they have for each other that is the undertone for almost every blog post, and that the "slight tone of dominance" you read must have been the humor in the post that you misread. Another thing is I really don't think you truly undersand how expensive the health care system in America if you don't have insurance, and really what it means considering that you have subsidized healthcare in Finland. Adding up "the true cost of a baby" (not including the surprize blood test bill) and dividing it by 19 equals $142.58. That is $142.58 per week. Can you afford a surpize bill of $142.58 per week suddenly. This doesn't inlcude the cost of delivery or any of the other costs of having a baby. I know that alone would cause a huge amount of stress for me. Then on top of that the majority of your income is now gone becuase of the economy, something you had no cotroll of no matter how hard you work. So now you add the stress of surpise bills, a tremendous loss of income, and just to top that off we are going to add a wonderful but huge life change to that! If that happended to me I would become "quite the little tyrant" for sure, but I have NEVER read that impression from Tarzan. But, I guess the thing that made me the most upset about your post was because of the this..." you seem to have some sort of empathy for her in most of your blogs." Some sort of empathy, really, I mean REALLY, you make it sound like a husband caring for his wife is not normal, and it makes you sound like your husband doesn't care about your feelings at all. Alas, I could have just misread your post like you have Tarzan's. Best of luck! To Laura:

I believe you have misread this blog. It is sometimes really had to get your point across with words, and maybe the humor didn’t transfer across cultures considering you live in Finland, Europe (by the way I think everybody knows that Findland is in Europe but I guess Jane & Tarzan are just un-normal, un-educated, Redneck people (just kidding)). Personally I have just read the immense love and respect that they have for each other that is the undertone for almost every blog post, and that the “slight tone of dominance” you read must have been the humor in the post that you misread. Another thing is I really don’t think you truly undersand how expensive the health care system in America if you don’t have insurance, and really what it means considering that you have subsidized healthcare in Finland. Adding up “the true cost of a baby” (not including the surprize blood test bill) and dividing it by 19 equals $142.58. That is $142.58 per week. Can you afford a surpize bill of $142.58 per week suddenly. This doesn’t inlcude the cost of delivery or any of the other costs of having a baby. I know that alone would cause a huge amount of stress for me. Then on top of that the majority of your income is now gone becuase of the economy, something you had no cotroll of no matter how hard you work. So now you add the stress of surpise bills, a tremendous loss of income, and just to top that off we are going to add a wonderful but huge life change to that! If that happended to me I would become “quite the little tyrant” for sure, but I have NEVER read that impression from Tarzan. But, I guess the thing that made me the most upset about your post was because of the this…” you seem to have some sort of empathy for her in most of your blogs.” Some sort of empathy, really, I mean REALLY, you make it sound like a husband caring for his wife is not normal, and it makes you sound like your husband doesn’t care about your feelings at all. Alas, I could have just misread your post like you have Tarzan’s. Best of luck!

]]> By: momof3girls http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/1547/pregnancy-week-19-brings-many-happenings-from-listing-our-house-due-to-no-maternity-insurance-to-the-mysterious-gallbladder/comment-page-1#comment-2023 momof3girls Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:09:11 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=1547#comment-2023 I guess it takes all kinds, huh Tarzan. "hang" in there! We are in the same boat. I only wish we were as close as you and Jane seem to be. I've had enough happen in my life to know that that old saying about the closing of a door always opens a window is true. but sometimes its hard to remember and stay positive when the door slams on your finger. :) Your writing style and this blog are a great joy in my busy life. I can't tell you how much I enjoyed what you wrote above. Here's to more weirdos like you! ;) I guess it takes all kinds, huh Tarzan. “hang” in there! We are in the same boat. I only wish we were as close as you and Jane seem to be. I’ve had enough happen in my life to know that that old saying about the closing of a door always opens a window is true. but sometimes its hard to remember and stay positive when the door slams on your finger. :)
Your writing style and this blog are a great joy in my busy life. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed what you wrote above. Here’s to more weirdos like you! ;)

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