20 weeks pregnant: Starting to freak out over baby shower, baby furniture, and other overwhelming baby-related things.

About registering... I think a lot of places let you know as people buy things off the registry, so you can plan a little bit.
I know how you feel, we are stressing out about most of the same stuff, except we are in a one bedroom apt, so also how to fit all the baby stuff in our bedroom
Good luck!

One other thing - I used a co-sleeper instead of a bassinette - fabulous - especially if you're going to breastfeed!!!! I highly recommend the co-sleeper. :)

Oh, don't even worry, honey. Everything will fall into the right place itself. I was agonizing over the nursery before the baby comes too, and the result....... the baby is 8 months old and still sleeps with us in the basinet in our bedroom. For me it's more camforting that I can check on him any time I wake up during the night. And if he wants his paci I just stretch my arm and stick it in his mouth vs. dragging my feet across the whole house to the nursery in the middle of the night. Not to mention that I was sooooo paranoid about SIDS that I was waking up every 15 min in the beggining just to make sure he is breathing. And probably I am still paranoid since he is still sleeping in our room LOL.

As I've never been pregnant, I can't say how appropriate this sounds but... perhaps you could plan a baby shower for yourself? If you're worried about how it's going to be, or who is going to throw it, or is it going to be on time... well, I'd think the easiest thing to do would be to take the bull by the horns and figure it all out for yourself.

Again, lol, I don't know the etiquette on such things, but I do know about worrying and stress and how bad that can be (for everyone). If you can't do it yourself, I definitely agree with the mom idea. Plan it with her! Who can fault you for letting your mom throw you a party?

Good luck, whatever you decide!

Mrs. Bagley - Good idea on the shower thing, thanks! It's nice to hear your story and to know that you had the same feelings/thoughts as me. Thanks for your advice!

Francine - I will def. check out your nursery pictures on your blog! That's awesome about your MIL offering to pay for stuff. I think my parents will do something like that too, we just need to find something that we love. Of course I'm not expecting them to do that, I just think they will offer bc that's how they are. And how exciting that you are getting a shower! Hope you have fun!

Shannon - I know that Tarzan's already been looking at Craigslist and he says that there are some amazing things on there. I'm excited to look at all the great finds! I've heard that the baby doesn't even sleep in the crib for a while, but I still can't help but want one since it's my first baby, etc. I will definitely try not to panic about things though!

Gail - I love your idea about the shower. Good call on that, thanks! I also love your idea about the gifts wrapped in cellophane. That certainly takes the pressure off of opening a lot of gifts from people. Thanks so much for your sweet comment!

Tori - Wow, sounds like you got great things on Craigslist! Impressive for sure! I do hope your dad comes through with his word.

MVP - Great news about your shower! As far as registering, while I'm not expecting any of the bigger items, I just know how my family is and how every other baby shower has been. They always go over and beyond, so I'm just being realistic. With the 13-week waiting period, one of the commenters above had to wait that long for a $300 crib, so I don't count that as very high-end. And even though we aren't completely sure with what we are going to do (home-wise), I still need to think about having furniture for my baby regardless of living here or somewhere else. Personally, I'd freak out if I didn't think about it and have a plan.

Jenny - Hi there! I'm not sure if it is a cultural thing or not (probably is), but my family is just that way. My mom has already asked if I've registered for anything, including big items. I have a huge family and I know that some will really be proud to purchase a bigger item. I just feel lucky and honored with that. No worries about being rude. :)

Hi Nikki - I hope you hear something about having a shower. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! I think you're right about the bassinet so I know that a crib isn't necessary. It's such a strange position because I've heard over and over about how some things just aren't necessary in the beginning. While I have no experience with this baby stuff yet, I still want a crib and some other things that might not be 100% needed at the exact time of the baby being born. I just can't help it. Congrats on you pregnancy and thanks for your comment!

Hi Jane!
I am three weeks behind you and I'm worrying about the same things. Although, no one has offered to throw me a shower yet, so I'm also worrying that I won't even have a shower! As far as worrying about having a crib in time, I'm pretty sure the baby sleeps in a bassinet for the first couple of months (I am a first-time-mom, so I could be wrong, but that's what we're planning on doing). I agree with Mrs. Bagley about telling your friends that your mom offered to throw you a shower. Maybe that will light a spark under them! Good luck!

Wow! you get big things like crib/changetable etc at your baby shower?? I guess that's a cultural thing. Here in NZ the baby shower is more of a chance to get together with your friends before baby is born, and they all bring gifts but just little things like bibs, small toys etc. Sometimes a few friends will pool their money and get something a bit bigger like a play mat or nappy bag, but never any of the big stuff!
I would feel so bad expecting other people to pay for those things.
I am currently 29 weeks and we have got most of the big essentials 2nd hand ourselves, and have all the basic newborn clothes (also 2nd hand), so there's no pressure on the baby shower. Anything I get at the baby shower I will view as a 'bonus'.
Just re-read my post...it might come across as a bit rude, sorry! didn't mean to, just marveling at how differently we do things in 2 different countries!

I was wondering about a shower myself until a couple days ago my mom, who lives across the country, said she wanted to come and throw one with MIL. I ran dates by my best friend, who thus far hadn't said anything about a shower, and now she wants in too. So, I guess all three are going to coordinate on it.

I plan to just register for the normal, smaller stuff, but get the bigger stuff we really want ourselves. I wouldn't expect any shower guests to buy us a crib, dresser or glider, for example. So, we bought a beautiful crib on craigslist and no longer have to worry about that. Mom's buying the glider, so when she comes to visit, we'll go shopping for that. We're still looking for a used dresser on craigslist and garage sales.

I gotta say, with your home sort of in flux right now, I'd be worried about buying a lot of big stuff that you'll have to figure out where to store it or you'll have to move it. As for buying stuff that takes 13 weeks to deliver, are you guys really in a financial position to be buying high-end stuff like that? There are so many ways to save money on baby stuff, I just can't see, when you're struggling, going for top of the line. You can go into any Target, Ikea or even JCPenney, and you'd likely find something safe and nice looking for a good price and they wouldn't have to order it. Sorry if I'm out of line saying that, I just thought it might help.

Personally, I'd let Mom throw take care of the shower. It'll take some burden off your friends, and if they're interested in helping out, they can get together with your mom on it. That way, you can start setting dates and registering.

I feel you girl, because I'm only a few weeks ahead of you in this whole journey! We bought the "big stuff" on our own. By that I mean crib (which we found on craigslist the very one we'd wanted and it included the mattress for less than we would have paid for just the crib retail! Seriously! Check out craigslist!), changing table (another craigslist find), dresser, bedding and decor (got at Walmart.com which has free site-to-store shipping on just about everything and it's super fast), stuff like that. I do worry about a car seat. We registered for one on both our registries, but if that doesn't get purchased we are going to have to immediately go out and get one, since they kind of don't let you take the baby home without it. My dad hinted that he wanted to get our travel system (car seat + stroller thing) for us as our "big gift", but he's not super reliable so it makes me wonder. I'm hoping at least that we get a bunch of gift cards from the shower so that we can go out that following week and buy the big things we didn't get. Other than that, I think the key is just to watch the sales like a hawk and if you see something in the style/color/etc. that you guys like, get it. Tough with this economy the way it is, but it's the saving grace to the pregnancy insanity in my opinion :)

Hey Sweetheart! Take a deep breath and know that your tension and stress isn't good for the baby (OK, easier said than done). I would suggest having your mom or other family member contact the friend who wanted to do the shower for you. Maybe she can just say, "I was talking to Jane about hosting her shower and she had mentioned you may be interested in doing one. I don't want to step on your toes, so if you are still planning on it, just let me know. If not, I will be more than willing to do so."

I hosted a shower for my sister about 6 months ago and she did not want to have everyone sit and watch her open gifts. I had a display shower that was also cocktail style. We had many drinks to choose from and appetizers with a salad and dessert. Very easy to set up and it allowed everyone to have a good time with no interruptions. I had a table set up with all the gifts that were wrapped in celophane...you could see into everything, so everyone could see. For the people who brought the large gifts, like a stroller and car seat, they were so thankful they didn't have to wrap it!

If you need any other suggestions, please let me know!

PS My sister called crying about the same time as you, and subsequently after as she was worried about what was still left on the registry. You are nesting and need a lot of time to get things set up before you are too busy with feedings and diaper changes! Take your time and you will be fine!

Hi Jane,
Don't stress! I know way easier said than done! Our crib took 13 weeks to arrive, cost over $300, and our DD still hasn't slept in it (she's 22 months old now). I've converted it to a daybed now and she'll nap there. So, really, as far as the crib goes - don't panic. :) You also might consider checking out your local craigslist and Freecycle - ours had fabulous baby stuff in mint to near mint condition for a fraction of the price - I just didn't know about them when we were pregnant.

Hey, don't worry, everything will be fine. You have enough time to get it together, trust me. I am now at 35&1/2 weeks and we just now have about everything we need. We didn't start until I was about 29 or 30 weeks along, and we did everything on weekends because my husband has no time during the week. We just went ahead and got all the basics/necessities. My mil offered to pay for the nurery furniture and we accepted. We did Ikea, no fancy stuff for us, or having to order and wait :) I've only been living in France for 5 years so don't have many friends and didn't expect to have a shower. Plus I am too much of a control freak to wait to see what I would get, I wanted us to be prepared. lol My sister, a friend and my Mum sent me some of the stuff I wanted from the US, and it turns out I will be having a shower after all in a couple weeks. What we did was to register for stuff that we would like to have, but are not really necessities for that. Some of it is toys etc that the baby won't use for a couple years but that we really liked.

In order to decide what to get I asked my friends who are Moms what they considered must haves and then weighed that against what we thought was necessary/could afford. If you'd like, you can visit my blog, I have a few posts up about the nursery.

Just take a few deep breaths, it will be okay! :)

Oh honey. You remind me so much of myself while pregnant.

I can't help much with the shower dilemma, but you could play devil's advocate and tell your girlfriends that your mom's friends are going to give you a shower if they're not. That should spur them into action....or not. Either way, you'd know!

Now, about the nursery. I was NEUROTIC about wanting a finished room for the baby BEFORE he was born just for my own sanity. By my 34th week or so I let that idea go with the reality that it wasn't required immediately. Then around week 36, my husband took me to BRU and we bought a crib and dresser. His idea! The baby still hasn't slept n the crib, but having the dresser has been a lifesaver. The nursery still isn't finished, but it's enough to keep me from going nuts!

About registering, you are so lucky to have
Tarzan, who actually cares about what you pick. My husband told me "Whatever you want is fine". There are helpful starter lists on the registry sites that give you a direction. I went to the stores to see big stuff but a lot of stuff I just did online.

Good luck!!