In January I posted about my in-laws wanting to be in town for 2 weeks after the baby was born. As you know I was not looking forward to this. At all.
Nothing against my in-laws at all, but I had a feeling that it wasn’t a good idea and then many of you confirmed that same thing with your comments.
As much as I thought it wouldn’t be the best experience for any of us, I did decide not to say anything to Tarzan about it. After all we are talking about his parents here and I would never want to be ”that wife” that makes up funny and slightly ridiculous rules about when they can come into town.
He knew how I felt about it and I knew that it was a very awkward position for him to be in. He could see both sides to it: Wanting his parents to be present for it, but also knowing that it could be a pain to figure out the logistics of it all.
For the longest time it was decided that they were going to come one week before my due date and stay until one week after my due date. Totally risky if you ask me. Plus, I know that money is tight for him so that in the chance that the baby isn’t here yet, who knows when they would see him for the first time.
It didn’t seem like a good idea, but again, I didn’t say too much about it. The topic came up in January and I felt like there was still a lot of time left. Now that we are almost in the middle of June… we are running out of time.
We brought up this whole thing to my parents a few weeks ago and I suggested that Tarzan’s parents come in town sometime in August so that they would have guaranteed time with their new grandson. Plus, I’m guessing that while things will still be very new and crazy, they will have settled down a bit. (Tell me that’s true!)
Coming later would mean that they would not need to rent a car while here. They would not need to figure out where to stay and how to get there (remember the hospital is a good hour away from us). It would not have to be awkward for me to be home with my baby trying to breast feed while having my in-laws in the house.
Since my mom is coming to stay with us for a few weeks to help out after, it would mean that she wouldn’t have to make them meals too. Or clean up after them. I felt like that situation could get really weird considering I don’t see my in-laws cleaning up and cooking at all.
So I brought up that idea thinking that it was the best damn thing I’d heard in a while, but Tarzan and my dad (surprisingly) didn’t like it. My dad said that while it was a risk for the baby to come within that 2-week time slot, it would be so worth it. Tarzan, naturally, said that he wanted his parents there for the birth. The end.
Just when it looked like I was “losing” the battle, Tarzan’s dad called to talk to him about the dates. His dad said that he had been thinking about the whole situation and thought it might be better to be here after the birth, even though it would be sad to not be present for the birth. He told Tarzan to talk it over with me and then get back to him in a few days.
I have to admit that while this sounded like the best plan to me, it also made me really sad. Like crying sad. Stupid pregnancy hormones.
If it was the other way around and my parents didn’t live in the same city, I know that they would be present. Of course they are in a completely different financial situation than Tarzan’s parents, but I guess my point is that I can’t imagine them not being there to see their grandson shortly after he makes his appearance.
When Tarzan hung up the phone he asked me what I thought. I told him my honest feelings: It’s extremely admirable and selfless of his dad to offer that. It sounds like the best plan so that we don’t have to worry about them, their luggage, getting them a rental car, finding them a hotel, and then there’s the slight pressure of making sure that baby T is actually here while they are here.
Just too much.
But then I felt bad for my husband. Even though it’s the start of our new family, I know that it would be hard for his parents not to be there. (This is the part when my crying started, just in case you are curious.)
I asked T what he thought and he agreed with everything I said. He told his dad the news and I think that his parents are going to be coming around the end of August/beginning of September now.
While deep down, we all know it’s best, I just hope that Tarzan isn’t too sad about it when the day actually comes. I feel like there will be so many new emotions running through us both that while he’ll miss them, it won’t consume his thoughts. We’ll have our little baby to think about and love.
And change his diapers, tend to his crying, and feed him. It seems like we’ll be busy enough in the beginning, that’s for sure!
You might also want to read:
- What would you do? In-laws plan on being in town for 2 weeks after birth of baby.
- A note to Baby Tarzan regarding your movement in my belly
- CONTEST! Guess when Baby Tarzan will be born correctly and win a Babies R Us Gift Card!
- 37 weeks pregnant: Finally saw “The Business of Being Born”
- Three weeks postpartum: 14 things I’ve learned about being a mom, having a baby, & not going crazy
I just can't relate to wanting everyone there, Mom included, during and right after the birth. I'm already getting anxious because my sister in law and brother in law and their three kids all happen to be coming to town for a few weeks over my due date. I feel totally pressured by mother in law to spend time with them, but I just don't want to commit, not knowing how I'll be feeling. At least my husband's behind me on this. My mom's coming a month or two after, which is perfect. His parents, however, live in town, and we're going to have to set some serious boundaries because they can be really pushy and entitled. But if y'all are close, I guess that's good. Glad you all found a solution and hope Tarzan will be okay with it when the time comes.
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