Comments on: Update to in-laws being in town for 2 weeks after baby Tarzan is born

By: MVP

MVP — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 04:03:42 +0000

I just can’t relate to wanting everyone there, Mom included, during and right after the birth. I’m already getting anxious because my sister in law and brother in law and their three kids all happen to be coming to town for a few weeks over my due date. I feel totally pressured by mother in law to spend time with them, but I just don’t want to commit, not knowing how I’ll be feeling. At least my husband’s behind me on this. My mom’s coming a month or two after, which is perfect. His parents, however, live in town, and we’re going to have to set some serious boundaries because they can be really pushy and entitled. But if y’all are close, I guess that’s good. Glad you all found a solution and hope Tarzan will be okay with it when the time comes.

By: Helen

Helen — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:49:04 +0000

Such a tough situation! I’m glad that it seems like the best situation has been decided on. I don’t think I could have managed hosting anyone in my home immediately after having either of my children. It’s just a really personal time. You’re dealing with issues with your body, breastfeeding, emotions…not to mention a new little PERSON!
I lived far from my parents when my children were born. With the first, my mom came to visit about 5 weeks after the delivery. It was perfect. She stayed with my aunt (her sister) who lived nearby. We saw each other everyday for a couple of weeks, but I didn’t have to cook or clean up after her.
Then, when my son was born- I was basically alone (my husband left during my pregnancy) so my parents came a few days before my due date. Lucky for us all, my son was born the morning after the due date! They stayed nearby in a motorhome park for 2 weeks and were a great help me to me in those early days. They even kept my daughter with them while I was in the hospital.

By: Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:17:49 +0000

There’s nothing I can say that will make the situation any easier. In-laws and births and money are just such touchy subjects…but I understand completely how you feel as something eerily similar went down at our place. In the end, we decided on an arrangement that is, again, eerily similar to what you did. I hope yours works out as well as you’d like =)

By: Michelle

Michelle — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 14:15:33 +0000

My dad and stepmom planned to come for 10 days covering just a bit before my due date and after for my last birth. I love them dearly but they aren’t the type to pitch in and help out with meals etc so I was really upset, so much so that I broke down in Walmart LOL! I also knew they expected to be in the delivery room and I just couldn’t handle that either so I finally had to put on my big girl panties (heehee) and ask them to cut their stay a bit shorter and tell them I only wanted DH in the room with me. They were a bit upset but they understood.

So they came for my due date, it was nice to see them but I still ended up doing all the cooking etc and baby didn’t make her arrival on time! She is now almost 1 year and they still haven’t seen her because money is tight and they live too far away.

We are expecting again and since it’s twins we have had the foresight to say that whenever they come they will most likely have NICU time so they would probably rather come later so they can actually spend time with them. I know it’s hard telling people want you want for your birth but it needs to be done. It is YOUR birth (and Tarzan’s of course) so don’t let others’ wishes make you feel pressured into something you can’t handle and won’t be happy about. (Sorry so long this was just so much like my issue last time.) Good luck!

By: Susan

Susan — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:49:13 +0000

My in-laws came to stay with us for 2 weeks a week after our son was born. It didn’t go well and we all agree that next time, they will wait about 2 months before coming out. It is the best option. By then you will know your little guy’s cries and feeding habits. You’ll be a pro at diaper changing. And settling into your ‘new normal’ lifestyle. You should look at it as “at least they are coming”….they could refuse you come see baby T!…like anyone would really do that…

By: Peta

Peta — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:38:48 +0000

Jane it sounds like a good Idea,
I am having the same issue with my mum, she lives interstate and wants to be here for the birth but as I am planning a natural birth not a planned C – Section I do not know where are baby girl is going to make her arrival,

this is a recent conversation i had with my mum

Peta says:
hey I have a suggestion for you and please don’t take it the wrong way but how would you feel coming up a few days after bub is born – my reason for it is that Dave wont have much time off and for me it would be better to have you here when he goes back to work so that i have at least a week or two without being on my own I totally understand that you want to be there for the birth but it was just
a thought i had

Peta says:
its not that i don’t want you there or anything just trying to work things so i have as much support around me in the first week or two

Indy says:
up to u your baby

Peta says:
unless you want to come down for 2 weeks

Indy says:
will work it out when the time comes
at the moment we have no money bills around my neck

what the heck does this mean does it mean she not coming at all , that she will let me know what she is doing when i go in to labor? I don’t need to be stressing about what my mother is doing Arghhh

This was a few weeks ago I am now 32 weeks and still not plans have been made, I am trying not to think about it as i dont need the added stress

Glad to here you and tarzan and his family have come to agreement

By: Niki

Niki — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:03:30 +0000

At times like these, I’m glad none of our relatives live very far away and we have a very small house so no one can stay with us unless they wanted to camp on the couch. However, I’m not looking forward to the pop-in visits. The more people I’ve spoken to, the more who say it’s a good idea to say no visitors for a few days after you get home to try and establish some sort of routine or just try to get used to things. I’m sure everyone will freak out if I try to say no visitors for 3 days or something. I’m really nervous and just don’t know what to expect in terms of how I will feel and do not want to have to feel like entertaining. BTW I’m 35 weeks pregnant with our first.

By: Kelly

Kelly — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 22:23:05 +0000

While I’m sure my in-laws (who live about 6 hours away) would love to be present for our home birth, I think everyone involved (husband, in-laws, my own parents, etc…) know me well enough to know that there’s NO WAY that’s going to happen. (I’m a fairly private person, and my parents are a little more respectful of that.) My in-laws are already planning their vacation for a short time after our baby is born, and I’m dreading it a little bit. They’re super great people and I love them very much, but they’re a little too involved, and my MIL “knows everything” about babies, breastfeeding, etc… And given my private nature, I’m not going to be happy about breastfeeding in front of anyone other than my husband, at least for the first little while.

Bottom line is that I’m doing this (having a baby) for two people: 1) me, and 2) my husband. Yes, my parents and my in-laws will be very excited, but it’s not their baby and it’s not their call. (I know this probably makes me sound like a horrible person, but I’ve let other people have their way too many times in my life, and this is probably the one time I’m really going to put my foot down. This is a private matter for me and I’d like to keep it that way.) Please don’t judge me!

By: Tracylynne

Tracylynne — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:23:38 +0000

As much as I want my mom here, she says she won’t be coming till a few weeks after the baby is born. The in-laws live 4 miles away, they will be able to see the baby often and I guess I can’t take that away from them since this is their third grandchild and they have never been present that soon after a baby was born-usually a couple wks. I am hoping people don’t just drop by unexpected after the baby comes. Even right now we are getting tired of people just showing up when we have so much to do and they want to just sit and visit. At 35 weeks I don’t have the energy nor the will to entertain. I feel pretty good though, I wish I didn’t have to keep working, I’d love to have some time off before the baby comes to just chill…..

By: Monica

Monica — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:01:05 +0000

It’s the opposite for me. I’ve told my mother (and everyone else) that NO ONE is coming to the hospital. This is a normal restriction for mothers of multiples (I’m having 2) since hospital time can be very busy and stressful.
The only exception is for my husband’s mother who we have asked to come for day 1. In fact, I asked her to come. That’s because she is a breastfeeding coach and I’ll need some help. It’s either get her to come or hire a stranger.
I think you made the right decision. You need to be calm for the birth and you might not be if you’re worried about it happening on time and arranging stuff for your in-laws.