Yesterday Tarzan and I spent four hours in a classroom to learn about “life after baby”.
Let me first just say that it is completely ridiculous that they didn’t have more comfortable chairs. I was uncomfortable from the beginning, as was Tarzan and he isn’t even 34 weeks pregnant.
I feel like I’ve graduated from knowing nothing about baby to having a pretty good understanding of what my life will be like with baby. Well, as much as I can. I fully believe that all of the advice in the world isn’t going to totally prepare me for my own baby. He will be his own personality and what works for you might not work for us.
I fully plan on taking it as it comes and learning what best suits us then. Seems like the most logical thing to do, at least to me it does.
Tarzan has never changed a diaper in his life and he felt like we needed some kind of class, so I agreed. We picked the “Life after baby” class and I honestly thought it would be really informative. I mean, the class was 4 hours long, so I had high hopes that it wouldn’t be boring.
Oh but I was wrong.
Now don’t think that I have a big head and think I know everything about having a baby because that’s the furthest from the truth. However, I feel like I’m extremely real about how life will be like with baby.
And thanks to this pregnancy blog and to twitter, y’all have given me the best advice ever. Seriously I kept on telling Tarzan yesterday that our online friends are amazing because I knew just about everything that was taught at the class yesterday.
So thanks!
No offense to the people who ask a lot of questions, after all, that’s what taking the classes are all about. I get that. But I don’t get the people who are 34+ weeks pregnant and are completely oblivious to all things baby.
I mean, really?
There was this one couple and I wanted to throat punch the husband. As did Tarzan. He was about as annoying and immature as they come. I just kept on thinking, “He’s going to be a dad?”
He constantly made noises and grunted when the baby in the video cried. And when the instructor talked about breast feeding. And when he realized that babies go through tons of diapers in one day.
How in the world do you get that far in a pregnancy and you don’t know that babies cry, that they will get their nutrients from the breast (when breast feeding), and that you have to change their (sometimes poopy and quite disgusting) diapers?
His wife was equally irritating to me too. Who knows, maybe it’s my pregnancy hormones, but being with them for the first 30 minutes was torture, not to mention the whole 4 hours.
When we were talking about the different newborn appearances, she was shocked. The instructor even asked her, “Did you think that babies come out looking all cute like the Gerber baby?“
She did, my friends. She did.
I didn’t know all the technical terms for newborn appearances, but I knew that they come out looking a little scary sometimes. I knew that they could have white bumps on their nose (milia), have the extra hair still on them (lanugo), red marks on their forehead (stork bites), and that they could be puffy.
I feel like that’s just common knowledge. (Well not the technical names, I did learn that at the class.)
If you think about squeezing a baby out of your vagina, you just have to know that the chances of them coming out looking beautiful are going to be slim to none. Have you seen a baby’s head compared to the birth canal? It’s something very big going out of something very little.
You figure it out… and here’s a tip to help… sometimes baby’s heads come out looking like a cone head.
Shocking, I know.
Another guy asked how he should deliver the baby in the car, if he couldn’t get to the hospital on time since his wife is due during hurricane season.
He was dead serious too, like ready to take some notes on the proper procedure.
He asked where to cut and tie the umbilical cord and the instructor looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights.
I knew that she wanted to be like “seriously?”, but she just told him that in a case of an emergency he should call 911. Does your brain really go out the window or what? He did know that our instructor wasn’t a doctor, didn’t he?
Oh, the best part was that the instructor asked him if he lived far away. 6 miles away, he said.
He’s worried about 6 freakin’ miles?!
The instructor told him that he could always peddle his bike with his pregnant wife on it to get to the hospital.
I looked at Tarzan and we shared a secret laugh. 6 miles. Give me a break. I should have told him that the hospital was a good 35-40 miles from our house and I wasn’t worried.
So for $50 and four hours of my time, did I think that it was worth it? Maybe, but I’ll have to let you know that answer after the baby is here because I feel like we could have learned everything at the hospital. We shall see.
Even Tarzan, who didn’t know how to change a diaper, is unsure of how worth it the class was.
Of course we did learn a few things, but again, I feel like even if we didn’t learn these things at the hospital we would have learned them by searching online. Or blogging about it. Or using Twitter.
What did we learn?
- How to clean the umbilical cord
- How to clean the circumcised penis
- Clothing for baby, especially in this hot, humid Houston weather
- That SIDS prevention recommends 68-72 degrees in a house (do they want to pay our electricity bill??)
- When breast feeding, it’s most important that the baby eats at least 10 minutes on the first boob so that he gets all of the different layers of breast milk.
- How to swaddle
- The 5 S’s by Dr. Harvey Karp
Most importantly, I learned that I am calm and not delusional about having a baby. I know that there will be rough times, especially in the beginning, but I feel as prepared as I can be. I know that I’m a pretty mellow person and I know that I will continue to be laid-back when baby T arrives.
Naturally being a mom and being responsible for our little baby will be a task in and of itself, but deep down I know that Tarzan and I will be awesome parents. And it helps that my parents are here to help and that we will have the support that we need, if we choose to.
We will learn as we go and figure it out. No doubt in my mind at all.
After all, we already know how to love and that’s the main thing that little ones need. Well love and food and diapers, but you get the picture.
You might also want to read:
- 20 weeks pregnant: Starting to freak out over baby shower, baby furniture, and other overwhelming baby-related things.
- 35 weeks pregnant: My checklist of things to do before baby arrives
- 34 weeks pregnant: Pregnancy questions, why not?
- 26 weeks pregnant: A meltdown about pregnancy, anxiety, and the unknown
- 26 weeks pregnant: Ready or not only 98 days left until we meet our baby boy
= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
My husband and I just about died laughing at the bike story. Too funny. Thanks
.
My husband and I took a babycare class and a labor class and it was a total of 17 hours! I blogged about our experience it was very tough to sit through all of that. I agree with what you say, I had a hard time figuring out if it was worth the time/money because I had already read all of this stuff. But it was a bonding experience for my husband and I and I got a good laugh when he put on the pregnancy empathy suit, definatly the highlight!
Melissa, I’ve never heard of the pregnancy empathy suit until now and I want one. I wonder if my hospital has a class where this suit is offered for the husbands… If so, I’m definitely signing us up for it. I wish it wasn’t so expensive bc I would totally order it for my husband. What did yours think about it? Did he have a little more feeling towards you and being pregnant?
I’ll be the first to admit that newborns aren’t the cutest things in the world. I remember seeing Adia for the first time and thinking, oh god, that’s mine? She was so squished and funny looking with a crazy cone head. She was anything but cute, but it wasn’t long before the squished look went away.
We’re about 10-15 minutes from the hospital and I worry that once I get sent home, we might not make it back in time. And I CANNOT deliver in a car. If both babies were head down, that would be one thing, but baby B is breech so delivering on my own isn’t an option.
I just have to say that the 5 Ss were a life-saver with our babies. They really do work even if they seem odd. His book, Happiest Baby on the Block, is great. It explains the 5 Ss in better detail and the reasoning behind them.
(Btw, we walked out during the break of our newborn care class because it was a joke.)
I was blessed to have two very beautiful girls who did look almost like gerber babies after birth. Totally unexpected, but really cool.
I think your mindset is great, though. I know so many people who think babies are all easy as pie until the baby actually gets there.
The best thing you can do is what you are doing. You know that there will be difficult parts, but that you cannot know exactly what ahead of time, so you don’t worry about it until it gets here. Or at least your post reads very mellow.
Raising kids has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the absolutely most rewarding part of my life.
Sara – I’m glad that you mentioned the book bc many ppl in the class said that it wasn’t as good as the video we saw. I have to admit that I think the swaddling looked way too tight and the shushing seemed silly… That being said, I know that when I’m trying to calm my baby I will try anything and if it works, then I will be a believer. It’s good to hear that the 5 S’s did work for you, thanks so much!
TJ – I am very mellow, so you read my post accurately. Why get my panties in a wad right now thinking of all the ‘what ifs’, you know? I’ll figure it out when the time comes
Totally jealous of your Gerber babies. Who knows, maybe mine will be like that too!
As a tip…that I didn’t learn in parenting classes….
1. Baking Soda in bath water does wonders for my son’s diaper rash, but not for my cousin’s baby who is the same age.
2. Colic…the class can not prepare you for the headache/heartache that is colic. If you have to deal with it (and I don’t wish it on anyone), swaddle and rock and take him outside. My son would be quiet if I took him outside during the worst moments of colic.
3. Some babies like the bottle warm other don’t. And don’t expect breast feeding to go great in the first couple of weeks…it is new to you and new to him.
4. The classes can’t teach you about routine. Routine was key for us. I am very spontaneous and had to learn to plan more and get into a routine groove.
The bike story is funny. We also were about 40 minutes from the hospital but it was not much of a concern in the end. You are getting so close…and I am excited for you…babies are great. And you really seem to know how to handle most situtations that will come up and the others…just fake your way through…your son will never remember that the first ten diapers were put on backward!!
Thanks for the description of class! Hubby and I will probably plunk down $100 for a class that covers labor, delivery, and breastfeeding basics (and hopefully all the useful things you mentioned).
I agree that the newborn = Gerber baby myth should be dispelled! If they don’t already know it, 1st-time parents need to be warned! On a sidenote: babies born by c-section tend to have less of that birth-induced distortion since they don’t have to pass through the birth canal. It’s not a reason to recommend c-section, but if you end up having to have the surgery, at least your baby has a good chance of being cute right away!
We’re about 40-60 minutes (traffic dependent) away from the hospital, and I’m not concerned either. I just sort of figured, you know, if there were an emergency then we’d pull onto the shoulder and wait for an ambulance. HOW WEIRD that he’s panicked about that.
Although, I don’t live where there are hurricanes, so I probably shouldn’t say anything.
Susan – Thanks for all the tips! I totally don’t expect breast feeding to go smoothly in the beginning. It would be nice and awesome if it did, but I know that’s pretty unrealistic. One can still hope, right?
The routine thing will be really difficult for us, but I know that it will be needed. I’m hoping that the baby will sort of adapt to our schedule, but we’ll need to modify it some for naps, feedings, etc. Kind of like our dog. We will see though. Thanks for all the kind words!!
HDL – That class sounds great. I think that a class with breast feeding is really good and that was recommended to us too. Let me know how it goes after you take it and take pics if your husband has to wear a pregnancy empathy suit. I will be jealous!
I’ve actually heard that c-section babies are cuter, so I guess that will be my plus if I have to have one. Still hoping that I don’t, of course.
Sarah – I’m thinking just like you. If we need assistance, I’m sure we’ll find it out there in the streets of H-town. No worries from me. Plus, what in the world would worrying do anyways? I can’t change the situation.
Even though I live in a city where there are hurricanes, I still think his question was dumb. Especially when he is 6 miles from the hospital. Give me a break. I get that he is a first time dad, but really?? 6 miles? People that anal irk me a lot! Just go with the flow man.
I just mapquested to see how far my hospital is from me, its 5.64 miles. I am/was not worried anyways! I live in South Florida, MAJOR hurricane threat and I am due in September
Right smack dab in the middle of hurricane season. Lucky me. Hopefully I will not have to worry about hurricanes when my little one is ready to arrive.
Are you so far from the hospital because you choose a specific one you preferred or just because you live in a more rural area?