Pregnant Jane has been asking me for the last few days to confess on our pregnancy blog about my “packing for the hospital” ordeal. Now before I dive into the whole “packing for the hospital” bit, Jane wanted me to share what I have prepared in our car for you.
The other day to get the ball rolling, I did something that has become a target for laughter for Pregnant Jane, and she seems to want to show and share with anyone who goes into our car!
Hidden behind the backseat is a shopping bag filled with three large towels and three large garbage bags. To me, this seems to make a lot of sense because of Jane’s water breaks in the car, or she is leaking all over the place on the way to the hospital, it only makes sense for me to use the towels and garbage bags on the seat and wrap Jane in them.
I mean imagine it… We’re driving down the road and all in a sudden, “WOOOOOOOSH!” and “SPLASH!” Jane’s water breaks and water is squirting out from her vagina going everywhere like a uncontrollable water hose squirting all over the place. The windows would be covered, I’d be covered, and the inside of our car would be a huge mess!
I could quickly pull over, grab the bag of towels and garbage bags and quickly cover the interior of our car and if needed, ourselves from the water squirting all over the place.
Or, if Jane’s water breaks at home, I could rush to the car and quickly make a little nest of garbage bags and towels on the passenger seat for Jane to sit on. To me, this makes total sense to do. It protects Jane, me, and our car from getting soaked by the explosion of water comparable to Old Fateful, I’d imagine.
Although Jane and her friends think it’s funny, I can sleep well at night knowing that when our bags are packed and we’re driving to the hospital while Jane is in labor, we’ll have a nice and dry drive. I’ll be the one with the last laugh and a very, very rare, “I told you so”, which I’ll wait to say when Jane’s hormones are back to normal. 
Now as far as what to pack for the hospital when your wife is pregnant – and when to pack for the hospital trip, Jane and I have been having a little issue here. Well, let me correct that…. Packing for the hospital has been a BIG issue, for me anyway!
I think it was about a week ago that I mentioned here that with Jane being around 9 months pregnant, that we really needed to get on the ball and start packing for the hospital. And how much do we have packed?
ZERO.
Zilch.
Nothing.
Each and every single day I feel the massive urge for both Pregnant Jane and I to pack our bags and have them ready by the door. With each “ouch” and “whoa” she says when Baby Tarzan moves I’m freaking out because our bags aren’t packed yet. My biggest fear is that Jane goes into labor, we have no time to pack, run to the hospital with Jane in her PJ’s and me in my boxers, and we’re stuck wearing that for a few days.
Or worse, I’m stuck wearing one of those hospital gowns with my ass hanging out the whole time we’re at the hospital because we didn’t pack our bags soon enough!
So day after day, I tell Jane, “We need to pack tonight! We have to!” Jane is all casual and calm about it. She’s more relaxed about it than anything I’ve ever seen her be relaxed about. WTH!?!? You’re 9 months pregnant! Your pregnant belly has reached maximum capacity! Baby Tarzan can come out at any minute. We’re in the green, meaning he can come any day, any minute, any second! AHHHHHH!
We need to pack now – we have to! We’ll have no clothes to wear. No deodorant. No toothpaste. No underwear. No camera. No video camera. No computers. No nothing! We’ll just show up to the hospital 1/2 naked (but dry thanks to the towels and garbage bags), nurses and doctors will be looking at us like we’re crazy, and my first photo of me holding Baby Tarzan will be of me in my boxers, 1/2 naked, dirty, smelly, and wishing we had packed the night before!
Pregnant Jane, we need to pack for the trip to the hospital! Right now!
You will be 38 weeks pregnant tomorrow! 38 weeks! That’s 38 out of 40. Meaning Baby Tarzan can arrive ANY day now. Meaning your husband is officially freaking out. I’m going to be a father any day now! WHOA! A dad? Me? Wait, we need to pack our bags! He’s coming! 38 weeks of pregnancy means he’s just about finished baking and will want to come out soon – maybe even tonight! Packing for the hospital is an absolute must!
And what has been Pregnant Jane’s response each and every single time I have asked her if we can pack our bags for the hospital stay? Here it is….
She says something like, “If we pack now, that’s when I’m going to go into labor.” My reaction is, “WHAT!?” She has gone on to say that she has a feeling that when we’re all packed and everything is ready that Baby Tarzan will decide it’s time to start making his move. She says it’s the final thing to do, and once that is done, the labor will begin.
WHAT!? How is that possible!? She has said this to me over and over again – and what’s crazy about it is that she is so calm and so sure about it. She is very believable about it. She almost calmed me down and got me to think that way a few times. But thankfully I snap out of the pregnancy spell and the urge to pack RIGHT NOW kicks back in.
I’ve warned Jane that if she doesn’t pack soon, then I will for her and I’ll look for the craziest outfit I can find for her to wear for the trip home from the hospital to pack! Now obviously I wouldn’t do that to my beautiful Jane, but I’m trying to get her motivated to pack now. The clock is ticking LOUDLY! I have a feeling that Baby Tarzan is looking at his watch right now and saying, “huh, I guess it’s about time I get out of here. I have things to do, places to go, and people to meet!”
The good news out of all of this is that Pregnant Jane told me that we will FOR SURE pack tomorrow. However, she has said this to me many times over the last couple of weeks. I don’t think I can wait much longer! But, come hell or high water, I’m going to pack tomorrow – even if it’s just me packing my own stuff. I need to pack. I have to pack. I just have to and need to – we must pack now! It’s almost time! We must hurry and pack our bags!
So, with all the above said, what does an expecting father pack? Here’s my list of what I’ll be brining along with Pregnant Jane, to the hospital with me when she goes into labor… (Remind me to bring Pregnant Jane with me when I rush out the door and jump in the car and drive to the hospital!)
What A Soon-To-Be Father Is Bringing To The Hospital
1. Two pairs of shorts
2. A pair of jeans
3. Three pairs of boxers
4. My toiletry bag with all the goodies like toothpaste, deodorant, a comb, floss, etc.
5. A pen and a notebook in case I want to write or draw a picture
6. Laptop
7. Video camera
8. Digital camera
9. The bag of baby stuff, like Baby Tarzan’s first outfit to come home in
10. A hat
11. Swimming trunks (so I can shower with Jane – and so a nurse doesn’t see my manhood item that got us into this situation)
12. Two or three books to read
13. Gum to chew on
14. My cell phone
15. My iPod
16. A roll of quarters and cash for the vending machine if I get hungry or thirsty
17. Oh, and I can’t forget the most important…. my pregnant wife in labor!
Number 11 also reminds me of something… I heard that you cannot have sex for six weeks after your wife has your baby. Six weeks. Six weeks? I know that we went for a few of those no sex for six weeks at the beginning of Jane’s pregnancy, but I don’t remember any of it. It must have affected me so much that I blocked it out of my mind.
No sex for six weeks. Oh no… Another subject for another day. Anyway…
So why all these extra items for the trip to the hospital? Well, a friend who recently went through this was happy he brought his laptop and iPod. He and his wife were in their room for a good 24 hours before she gave birth. They just hung out, watched TV, got on their computers, and played a game or two.
So I want to be prepared to make sure I’m not stuck watching the “how to breast feed your baby” show on the Mom-To-Be channel or whatever it’s called for hours on end.
Oh, and I’m also going to bring all of the receipts and statements I have for the $10,000 + that we have paid to the hospital and Jane’s doctor. (See the cost to have a baby without maternity insurance post.) I don’t want any costly surprises from anyone and want to prove that everything (I hope!) has been paid for!
Anything else a father-to-be should bring to the hospital?
Anything I’m forgetting?
OK… I need to go…. I seriously think I should start packing…. RIGHT NOW.
You might also want to read:
- 36 weeks pregnant: Checking things off of my “to get done before baby comes” list
- 38 weeks pregnant: We finally packed the hospital bag for labor and delivery
- Cost To Have A Baby: We Broke The $10,000.00 Mark. Plus, Is Pregnant Jane In Labor?
- And it’s time for a romantic getaway for just the two of us!
- It’s 4:46 AM. Jane’s water broke at 4 AM CST. Called Doctor. She said head to the hospital NOW!!!
I have had my bags packed for quite some time as I am expecting twins and have had several stays in the hospital this far. I am glad you have your bag packed but for people who don't there is nothing you really need for delivery that the hospital can't provide. If your labor lasts long it is true that you might want some reading material but most hospitals have tvs and gift shops with magazines. Some hospitals provide newspapers for their guests and all waiting rooms have reading material you can snag and then return at a later time. As for after delivery you will be messy and probably not want to ruin your own clothes so you may even opt to wear the hospital gown, pad, and underwear until your trip home. In this case a family member can even stop by your house to get an outfit to wear home or your spouse can go for something as well once everything is settled. Although I have been packed for weeks I have yet to pack a bag for the twins. I am concerned like Jane that once packed they will know we are ready for them. I am also concerned with what size clothes and diapers to bring. I know that hospitals provide you with some however the hospital that I have to deliver at if I go into labor soon is over an hour away. (This is because of the nicu facilities) I plan on packing within the next few days because I have already had preterm labor. I love all the suggestions and am happy for all of you!
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