Wow! I’m so unbelievably touched by how caring and just plain nice all of you have been to me (and Tarzan, too).
I told T. that I didn’t want to get on Twitter or blog about anything because I just feel let down. Obviously I’m new to all of this and I hate that it isn’t black and white. That would be so much easier! I’m really surprised at how excited I got last night. I definitely got my hopes up that “this is it” and I can’t even begin to describe how let down I felt earlier. I am feeling much better, thanks to all of the many comments on the previous blog post.
The strangest & most touching part about this whole thing is how many “strangers” are out there rooting for us. It’s amazing, to say the very least. I feel so lucky to be sharing this experience with all of you because it’s so helpful for us both. It’s nice to hear that what we are going through it normal. That what the baby is doing inside is normal. That even those of you with 3+ kids have experienced what I did last night. It’s just so therapeutic for us both.
It seems like the majority of the time I go out to run errands, I come home complaining to Tarzan about how people just aren’t nice anymore. People don’t smile. They cut you off when driving. They let a door slam in your face without even thinking twice. They just keep on walking after you’ve held the door open for them. And on and on and on.
It infuriates me. Not that I’m this “I want world peace” all of the time kind of girl, but I’m nice. I take other’s feelings into consideration. I try to smile at people, especially when they look like they need it the most. I truly care about brightening up someone’s day if I can do it. I’m just nice.
I feel like so much of the niceness of the world has vanished & I think that’s why I’m so touched by the outpour of love from you guys. Y’all don’t even know us in real life. Shoot, you *think* my husband’s name is Tarzan, for pete’s sake. But yet, you visit our blog and talk to us on Twitter daily. You have been apart of our pregnancy journey for 9 months now and most of you are hoping and asking if we’ll be blogging when the baby is here. (Yes, we will.)
I’ve had a very good and easy pregnancy. Besides feeling so down & emotional earlier, there has only been one scare that comes to my mind in the past 9 months and that was when I was feeling a lot of pelvic pressure when I was about 28 weeks pregnant. I put the call into my nurse and blogged about what was going on while waiting for her phone call. Instead of driving myself crazy & looking up all that could be wrong, I listened to your advice and I felt calm. Seriously.
You all helped me there & when the nurse called back, we figured out that it was just normal pressure and definitely not something to worry about. But most of you had already told me that you thought the same thing. Or been through the same thing before.
It’s just so comforting.
As T. mentioned in a comment previously, I prefer not to know the worst case scenario in anything, especially during pregnancy. I have no idea why, but I am extremely sensitive to that kind of stuff. T. is right, I will constantly ask him the same questions (sometimes with variations) over and over and over until I truly feel like that worst case scenario will not happen to me.
I lack a serious thinking pattern when it comes to mind over matter. Sometimes I just fall victim to thinking the worst and let it drive me crazy. I hate it, but that’s just how I am at times.
Obviously last night I was not scared about anything. In fact, I felt great. I was excited and thinking “this isn’t so bad”. LOL. I had a mixture of so many good feelings going on inside, so I guess that’s the reason why I felt so let down today. I’m an emotional mess today, but when I think of why I am, it just doesn’t make sense. Nothing bad happened. In fact, even though I’m not holding my baby right now, my body was working towards that… and that’s a really good thing.
Why should I feel let down? I guess I shouldn’t. And I’m not going to dwell on that anymore.
Here’s some things I’ve learned so far:
1. Our baby will come out when he is ready and we will be patiently (or trying to, at least) waiting for his arrival. It’s on his terms, not ours.
2. Even though nothing physical came out of yesterday’s contractions, something was happening in my body to get ready for labor.
3. The bloody show can happen more than once and it’s perfectly normal, especially after having your membranes stripped.
4. Many people go through what we went through last night. Many get their hopes up too. It’s just part of the excitement and I shouldn’t feel sad or upset by it. It’s normal.
5. I (we) have a ton of supporters out there who are rooting for us.
6. The end of my pregnancy is the hardest part. As you know, I haven’t really worried too much during my whole pregnancy. I’ve been really calm and have gone on with my daily life as best as possible. I didn’t worry about getting listeria because I ate lunch meat, or cooking the baby too much because I took a bath. I just went along with it and did what felt best to me (of course asking my OB if I had questions). But now that I’m at the end of my pregnancy, I find myself worrying about everything.
So many of you have told me to enjoy him being inside of my belly because the worries are nonstop when he is out. While I don’t doubt that you know what you are talking about, I admit I find that hard to believe. I think that having a window into my stomach so that I could see him would be so much easier than just wondering what’s going on in there. Naturally I think that once he is here, the worrying will stop because I can see him. I know that that is probably very naive of me to say, but I don’t know any better just yet.
7. I have an amazing husband. Seriously. I am so lucky to have found my best friend and married him. I feel so lucky to be his wife. Just yesterday when we were walking around the neighborhood I told him how much he meant to me. I told him thank you for answering my worst case scenario type of questions over and over without getting annoyed with me. Most importantly I told him that he can reassure me and calm me down like no other. Then I added that it was good that I trusted him. LOL. It’s true though. He’s my rock.
If I’m scared, I go to him to make me feel safe. If I’m excited, he’s the first one that I can’t wait to share the excited news with. If I’m sad, he’s the one that can put the smile right back on my face. In one word, he is amazing. I know that word is overused, but it’s the only thing that comes close to what an awesome husband and life partner he is to me. I only hope that I’m as good to him as he is to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone so wonderful, but boy am I glad that he’s mine.
And thinking about him being a dad to our son… wow. I can’t even go there right now because tears are streaming down my face (told you I’m emotional today). I just know that he’ll be even more amazing & I will continue to fall deeper in love with him than I can even imagine.
Many of you have said that you’ve learned a lot from us over the past blog posts and I’m glad. It’s nice that I’m learning from the experienced ones out there and the beginners are learning too. The road to parenthood is a crazy one, but one that I’m excited to be on. And I love that I’ll get to share it with you all.
So even though T. told y’all how much we appreciate everything, I just wanted it to come from my heart too. You’ve made my first pregnancy journey a really great one & I’m so glad that you all find us interesting enough to keep coming back. It means the world to us & I can’t wait to continue on with all of the happenings with our baby boy… whenever he decides to make his debut!
Thanks again!
Love,
Jane
You might also want to read:
- Three weeks postpartum: 14 things I’ve learned about being a mom, having a baby, & not going crazy
- What I learned on my 1st Mother’s Day
- 26 weeks pregnant: A meltdown about pregnancy, anxiety, and the unknown
- A note to Baby Tarzan regarding your movement in my belly
- Leaving the hospital: The days after and experiencing postpartum baby blues
I'm reading these posts backwards (thanks to my google reader) so I don't know all the details about your false labor, and I am following your REAL labor on twitter right now, but I wanted to say that I know how hard that let down is. I did it for almost two months of my pregnancy. The waiting, the wondering, the contracting with nothing else happening, I know it's so disappointing! You gear yourself up and then, nothing.
I also wanted to say, as someone who is 6.5 weeks ahead of you in the parent journey that my worries are definitely *less* than they were during preg. I think it has something to do with how awful my pregnancy was, but now that my little dude is here outside of me, I feel exactly the way you described... I can see him, hear him, touch him and know that he is okay. It makes all the difference in the world!
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