Monday, April 21, 2014

You are here: Home > Baby, Mother to be, Pregnancy Hormones, Pregnancy Info, Signs of Labor, Uncategorized > I can’t believe how emotional I am today! Here’s what’s going on and what I’ve learned so far.

Please like us on Facebook and share us with your friends!

I can’t believe how emotional I am today! Here’s what’s going on and what I’ve learned so far.

by Jane · 39 comments

pregnancy emotions 39 weeks pregnantWow!  I’m so unbelievably touched by how caring and just plain nice all of you have been to me (and Tarzan, too).

I told T. that I didn’t want to get on Twitter or blog about anything because I just feel let down.  Obviously I’m new to all of this and I hate that it isn’t black and white.  That would be so much easier!  I’m really surprised at how excited I got last night.  I definitely got my hopes up that “this is it” and I can’t even begin to describe how let down I felt earlier.  I am feeling much better, thanks to all of the many comments on the previous blog post.

The strangest & most touching part about this whole thing is how many “strangers” are out there rooting for us.  It’s amazing, to say the very least.  I feel so lucky to be sharing this experience with all of you because it’s so helpful for us both.  It’s nice to hear that what we are going through it normal.  That what the baby is doing inside is normal.  That even those of you with 3+ kids have experienced what I did last night.  It’s just so therapeutic for us both.

It seems like the majority of the time I go out to run errands, I come home complaining to Tarzan about how people just aren’t nice anymore.  People don’t smile.  They cut you off when driving.  They let a door slam in your face without even thinking twice.  They just keep on walking after you’ve held the door open for them.  And on and on and on.

It infuriates me.  Not that I’m this “I want world peace” all of the time kind of girl, but I’m nice.  I take other’s feelings into consideration.  I try to smile at people, especially when they look like they need it the most.  I truly care about brightening up someone’s day if I can do it.  I’m just nice.

I feel like so much of the niceness of the world has vanished & I think that’s why I’m so touched by the outpour of love from you guys.  Y’all don’t even know us in real life.  Shoot, you *think* my husband’s name is Tarzan, for pete’s sake.  But yet, you visit our blog and talk to us on Twitter daily.  You have been apart of our pregnancy journey for 9 months now and most of you are hoping and asking if we’ll be blogging when the baby is here.  (Yes, we will.)

I’ve had a very good and easy pregnancy.  Besides feeling so down & emotional earlier, there has only been one scare that comes to my mind in the past 9 months and that was when I was feeling a lot of pelvic pressure when I was about 28 weeks pregnant.  I put the call into my nurse and blogged about what was going on while waiting for her phone call.  Instead of driving myself crazy & looking up all that could be wrong, I listened to your advice and I felt calm.  Seriously.

You all helped me there & when the nurse called back, we figured out that it was just normal pressure and definitely not something to worry about.  But most of you had already told me that you thought the same thing.  Or been through the same thing before.

It’s just so comforting.

As T. mentioned in a comment previously, I prefer not to know the worst case scenario in anything, especially during pregnancy.  I have no idea why, but I am extremely sensitive to that kind of stuff.  T. is right, I will constantly ask him the same questions (sometimes with variations) over and over and over until I truly feel like that worst case scenario will not happen to me.

I lack a serious thinking pattern when it comes to mind over matter.  Sometimes I just fall victim to thinking the worst and let it drive me crazy.  I hate it, but that’s just how I am at times.

Obviously last night I was not scared about anything.  In fact, I felt great.  I was excited and thinking “this isn’t so bad”.  LOL.  I had a mixture of so many good feelings going on inside, so I guess that’s the reason why I felt so let down today.  I’m an emotional mess today, but when I think of why I am, it just doesn’t make sense.  Nothing bad happened.  In fact, even though I’m not holding my baby right now, my body was working towards that… and that’s a really good thing.

Why should I feel let down?  I guess I shouldn’t.  And I’m not going to dwell on that anymore.

Here’s some things I’ve learned so far:

1.  Our baby will come out when he is ready and we will be patiently (or trying to, at least) waiting for his arrival.  It’s on his terms, not ours.

2.  Even though nothing physical came out of yesterday’s contractions, something was happening in my body to get ready for labor.

3.  The bloody show can happen more than once and it’s perfectly normal, especially after having your membranes stripped.

4.  Many people go through what we went through last night.  Many get their hopes up too.  It’s just part of the excitement and I shouldn’t feel sad or upset by it.  It’s normal.

5.  I (we) have a ton of supporters out there who are rooting for us.

6.  The end of my pregnancy is the hardest part.  As you know, I haven’t really worried too much during my whole pregnancy.  I’ve been really calm and have gone on with my daily life as best as possible.  I didn’t worry about getting listeria because I ate lunch meat, or cooking the baby too much because I took a bath.  I just went along with it and did what felt best to me (of course asking my OB if I had questions).  But now that I’m at the end of my pregnancy, I find myself worrying about everything.

So many of you have told me to enjoy him being inside of my belly because the worries are nonstop when he is out.  While I don’t doubt that you know what you are talking about, I admit I find that hard to believe.  I think that having a window into my stomach so that I could see him would be so much easier than just wondering what’s going on in there.  Naturally I think that once he is here, the worrying will stop because I can see him.  I know that that is probably very naive of me to say, but I don’t know any better just yet.

7.  I have an amazing husband.  Seriously.  I am so lucky to have found my best friend and married him.  I feel so lucky to be his wife.  Just yesterday when we were walking around the neighborhood I told him how much he meant to me.  I told him thank you for answering my worst case scenario type of questions over and over without getting annoyed with me.  Most importantly I told him that he can reassure me and calm me down like no other.  Then I added that it was good that I trusted him.  LOL.  It’s true though.  He’s my rock.

If I’m scared, I go to him to make me feel safe.  If I’m excited, he’s the first one that I can’t wait to share the excited news with.  If I’m sad, he’s the one that can put the smile right back on my face.  In one word, he is amazing.  I know that word is overused, but it’s the only thing that comes close to what an awesome husband and life partner he is to me.  I only hope that I’m as good to him as he is to me.  I don’t know what I did to deserve someone so wonderful, but boy am I glad that he’s mine.

And thinking about him being a dad to our son… wow.  I can’t even go there right now because tears are streaming down my face (told you I’m emotional today).  I just know that he’ll be even more amazing & I will continue to fall deeper in love with him than I can even imagine.

Many of you have said that you’ve learned a lot from us over the past blog posts and I’m glad.  It’s nice that I’m learning from the experienced ones out there and the beginners are learning too.  The road to parenthood is a crazy one, but one that I’m excited to be on.  And I love that I’ll get to share it with you all.

So even though T. told y’all how much we appreciate everything, I just wanted it to come from my heart too.  You’ve made my first pregnancy journey a really great one & I’m so glad that you all find us interesting enough to keep coming back.  It means the world to us & I can’t wait to continue on with all of the happenings with our baby boy… whenever he decides to make his debut!

Thanks again!

Love,
Jane

You might also want to read:

  1. Three weeks postpartum: 14 things I’ve learned about being a mom, having a baby, & not going crazy
  2. What I learned on my 1st Mother’s Day
  3. 26 weeks pregnant: A meltdown about pregnancy, anxiety, and the unknown
  4. A note to Baby Tarzan regarding your movement in my belly
  5. Leaving the hospital: The days after and experiencing postpartum baby blues

Facebook comments:

{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }

1 PB

I love this blog. I’m 10 weeks prego and just found this about a month ago, I wish I’d found it sooner! I love your letters and sentiments to each other, I feel the same way about my husband and it has only increased 10 fold since being pregnant. I don’t have any words of wisdom at this time as everything is very new and surreal to me but I wish the three of you the best of luck on this awesome journey!

2 superkaty

great post! made me a little weepy, too. such tenderness!

i can’t wait to open up your blog and find a pic of that smiling little boy…he will be here so soon. so excited for you both!

3 Jamie

I know exactly how you feel! When I was pregnant with my 1st I started having contractions at 38 weeks. They were perfectly timed at 10 minutes, then 8, then 6, and so on until I called the Dr. & she told me to wait a little longer. My husband worked third shift and didn’t know any of this was going on. I didn’t want to make him come home unless it was the real thing! So my mom came and stayed with me timing my contractions. Eventually I went to the hospital at about 5am. The contrations were 1 min apart and coming HARD in the car. My stomach felt like I had just done a thousand sit-ups they were coming so fast. We were all packed and excited!

We got to the hospital and I was checked out and they said I was dialated 2cm. Then about an hour later another dr. came in and said I was only dialated 1. They had me hooked up to an IV and all the other contraptions. I was there for several hours with no progress and they determined I was just dehydrated and made me sit there with an IV for 12 hrs. and sent me home.

I cried the entire way home. I remember asking my husband, sobbing, “why doesn’t he want to come out and see me?” I know it sounds ridiculous but that’s how I felt at the time! I had gotten my hopes up and was so excited I couldn’t believe he wasn’t coming just yet.

A couple days later it started all over again so I decided to load up on water before I called the Dr. Again contractions were 1 min apart and I was in a lot of pain. I went into the office instead of the hospital this time. I still wasn’t making any progress and was in a lot of pain so my dr. prescribed me Vicodin (yes the painkiller. I didn’t know that was ok being pregnant but ok…) Then sent me home yet again. And again I cried.

My scheduled dr. appointment was the next day so I had to go back. They did and ultrasound and found out he was breech. We had to schedule a c-section for the following week. I was crushed. I had invisioned this perfect labor, of my water breaking and rushing to the hospital with my husband and my mom in tow. Of being able to experience the pushing and then holding my baby as soon as he was born. Of being able to videotape the whole thing… I could go on all day! So I cried again because I was dissapointed of not being able to go natural and of having to wait another week.

When the day finally came though I forgot all about the past two weeks and he came out perfect and we have great memories. I know it’s hard right now but when he finally gets here you’ll forget about the disappointment of last night. Good luck we’re all rooting for you!

4 MaranathaMom

Seriously, I’m not even preggers & I’m crying. Hah! We’re praying & cheering for you!

5 Jessica

lol @ Leanna I totally agree! Its so sappy and wonderful all at the same time. I swear I feel like Im also watching the Truman Show, obviously with the exception that Jane and Tarzan know we are all watching them. Its really great you two have each other. But seriously, stop making the rest of us preggos cry!

6 Nicole

Jane, your post made me cry… and just when I’d got all the tears wiped away, I came to Tarzan’s comment- and here I go again! You guys are so wonderful for each other, and when I get home this afternoon, I’m going to give my honey a big hug and tell him how much he means to me. I’m going to be a mom in around 12 weeks, and as scary as it is, it’s so exciting! I’m so glad I get to follow you guys on this journey- I truly feel like I “know” you after following all your blogs. I’m so excited for you guys to meet your baby boy! Hang in there, he’ll be here when he’s meant to be, and it will be perfect!

7 Julia Bastos

Oh, this post has brought tears to my eyes. Jane, I can tell you that even though my pregnancies were magical times in my life, I do not miss the belly or the constant changes in my body. I love having my boys here with me. You’re doing great, girl! Labor is definitely something “weird.” Don’t be embarrassed, ok? Keep up the great attitude and the time will come. Don’t feel pressured by what the doc says about getting to 40/41 weeks like the clock is ticking or something. Your baby will be here soon.

8 J.W.

Everyone has given you all such great encouragement! I am really enjoying catching up on your blog since I found it a few days ago. I just wanted to add that the night I went into labor with my second son, I was emotional and moody all day long! Not to say this is your case, but you will meet him very soon. Good luck, guys and many blessings upon your family.

9 Janeen

I remember having these feelings too, when I was pregnant. I had them every time with all four children. I’m sure you know that it’s all normal, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I wanted so badly to see inside my belly, to watch their chest move when they breathed or to hear their heartbeat all the time. We actually bought a monitor, a Bebe sounds monitor I think it’s called, so that we could listen to the heartbeat any time we wanted. It didn’t work worth a darn though, so I wouldn’t really recommend it.

The other commenters are absolutely right though, when that babe comes out, the worries really start. I hardly got any sleep the first three weeks, of each baby, just listening to their breathing all night and waking if the slightest sound or movement changed. lol it was a real roller coaster and I was a mess. We’re actually thinking of having a fifth…

I concur that your marriage sounds lovely. Very strong, and fully of hope and love and understanding. I am married to the best guy in the world (for me) and it sounds as though you are too. I’m so very thankful for that. I’m sure you are both going to be wonderful parents. It sounds like baby Tarzan made a wonderful choice when he picked you two to be his parents. Many blessings of love, joy, prosperity and health to all three of you and any others that “surprise” you down the road!

10 TheAngelForever

Jane and Tarzan, I think you both realize now that anything can happen in a pregnancy and it becomes your norm. Being scared is natural, being sad that it wasn’t the time . . . something many of us have experienced. The important thing is you have each other, wonderful doctors/nurses that will be there when the time comes and in the end you will have your precious son to hold and swoon over.

A new adventure in parenting is waiting for you, enjoy resting and just listen to your body. Often times we get worried and forget that. Hugs to you and good luck with the bowling ball between the legs feeling. No doubt that is the cause of a lot of the pressure and leaking. Ah, the memories of my Asst Principal (a nun) taking me to the doctor from school in an emergency because I thought my water broke. She followed me in my car and made the school nurse drive my car – just in case. Boy did I feel silly when I found out my little guy had just headbutted me in the bladder ;)

11 Emily aka milftobe

Your post made me cry, in a good way :) (I’m 19 weeks pregnant, haha). I love reading your stories and updates on Twitter… best of luck in everything!

12 Judy @ MommyNewsBlog

Your post is so beautiful! I was so touched reading it. I have really enjoyed being a part of your journey! Don’t worry – the time will come before you know it. The best advice that I can share for labor is to have a good plan, but expect the unexpected – things don’t always go as you’d expect or as you’d like, but if you are flexible and change your plan mid-steam, you will do great. Last night was your first “change of plans” and I’m sure there will be plenty more to come during the rest of your journey. Enjoy the last of your baby-free nights and get some sleep! You will have lots of excitement (and sleepless nights) once your little guy makes his appearance!! I am eager to hear the rest of your journey!

13 Morgan @ The818

40 weeks is a long time to wait – of course you’re going to start to get anxious at the end! I’ve held it together nowhere near as well as you have, so I tremble to think what my mind is going to do to me when the end is near…

14 Melessa

I am one of those with 3-plus kids who had the same thing happen. I woke up contracting one morning and for four hours was sure that this was “it.” Then, it all stopped. The good news was that little false alarm much have done something because that child’s birth was by far the easiest, most euphoric delivery I experienced of all my four children’s. I am hoping the same for you. And I know what you mean about feeling like the world is lacking in nice people, but as you can see, there are still a good number of them left.

15 Lori @ I Can Grow People

The hardest part about labor and delivery is that unless you are induced, the baby is the one calling the shots! I had NO IDEA that my son was going to arrive 5 weeks earlier, but that is when he decided he was ready to enter the world. Your baby is just having trouble packing up his things and moving out! You shouldn’t feel let down–you are doing it! You are on the verge of having this baby! Be patient. You all are doing so great!

16 MeMaRose

Hi Jane, Glad to hear that you are OK; with the exception of being a little emotional; but all is well and normal. It is winding down to the end now and it is perfectly normal to have all this emotion. Hormones play a big role in what your body is going through and all the excitement. It is good to hear that you have gotten some good advise from different people and just know that your doctor/nurse is only a phone call away. Thinking of you guys and hoping all the best for you :o ) Please keep us updated on your progress and try to stay calm, cool and collective!!!!! You and Tarzan are doing a GREAT job as a team and it will only get better from here :o )

17 MarcomMom

Oh, Jane, I get it. We all have pictures of how heroic our epic birth story will be, and sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. I was so upset after having to deliver via C-section a week late (after hours of bizarre labor and Pitocin) and thought, “I didn’t deliver my baby — Dr. Adame did!” I didn’t get to be the heroine I thought I was going to be — except I did. I carried my angel for nine months and ate right and fought my unhealthy urges and suffered through a long virus with a (literally) rib-cracking cough that took weeks to get rid of with no medicine to speak of… I think you’re a hero already and I think all moms and moms-to-be and trying-to-conceive moms are. Hang in there. Soon you’ll have that miraculous treasure in your arms.

And ALL emotions are acceptable at a time like this! :)

18 Leanna

You guys are better than watching The Notebook.

19 Karen

They say “enjoy him being inside of my belly because the worries are nonstop when he is out.”
I’m with you and think this is not necessarily true. If you’re relaxed in pregnancy, relaxed in parenting isn’t unheard of. And really, being a mom is a fun and wonderful time, especially when you can let go of worry and just enjoy. (I say this as mommy to 2 girls, planning #3.)
It doesn’t mean you won’t wonder what to do sometimes, but doesn’t that happen no matter where we are in life?
Enjoy every minute of not-labor. And then enjoy the rest.

20 Tarzan

Dear my sweet pregnant Jane,

Great, here I am trying to clean the house and paused so I can read your post and you got me all emotional now. :) Reading what you wrote about me made me get tears in my eyes; I have sympathy emotions!

Thank you for everything you said. You are my everything and it makes me so happy to know that you have so much trust in me. Sure, you asking me 100 times if such-and-such is normal, or if you need to be concerned about something can make me go a little crazy at times, but I always try my best to be your rock – always assuring you that everything is and will be OK.

We’ve been on quite a journey together. Pregnancy has done more for us than words will ever describe. We’ve always been close and the best of friends, but the past nine months has taken our relationship to a whole new level. I never thought I could fall more in love with you after we got married, but my love for you has done nothing but grow with each passing day.

To think we’ve created a child together still amazes me as much as the day you called me up crying letting me know that you were pregnant. We were both scared. We weren’t planning for it. It caught us totally off guard. But now when I think back, that was the best call I’ve ever received in my life.

Sure, there have been some really tough and stressful times over the last nine months. I’ve always done my best to shield you from the stress that was weighing on my, so you could focus on being pregnant and happy. Besides blogging about a few things and talking to you about a few of them, I’m happy that I was able to shield you from the massive stresses of so many things we had going on.

I worked my ass off, as you did to get us back on the right track. Although we have a ways to go still, we’re at a place where we can be happy together – and focus on what is already the most important thing to us in the world, Baby Tarzan. :)

There is no other person in the world who I would want as my son’s mother. You’re the most caring person I’ve ever known – and you’re the only person that reminds me of my mother (who recently passed). Your heart is as big and as caring as hers was – a quality that is so unique and rare that I had always thought I’d never find in someone. I know I’ve never told you that face-to-face… it’s just too hard for me to. You know I still hurt a lot because she isn’t here physically any longer – and it deeply saddens me that she’s not here to hold Baby Tarzan, but I know that once he’s born, she’ll look down on him and be so happy for us. :)

Jane, you are amazing and I can’t wait to begin this next chapter in our lives together. I can’t wait for us to become a mom and dad. I can’t wait for us to become a family. I love you beautiful. Now let’s get Baby Tarzan out! :)

21 Leanna

I hope my co-workers are used to prego me crying at my desk by now, because here I go again! Your words about Tarzan made me want to go give my own hubby a great big hug! Those men sure can be wonderful, can’t they?

I, too, am generally annoyed by the lack of niceness in the world. I just don’t get it when people find it too difficult to say “thank you” or practice patience…Sometimes people glare because I’m walking (or waddling) too slowly for them and they’re stuck walking behind me. It’s just dumb. Thankfully, the internet is BIG and you can find nice people! Yes, you can find terrible people, too, but I don’t think they hang around pregnancy blogs or forums too often.

22 Amanda

You really are doing great, just hang in there! I had the same contraction thing go on with my son but no bloody show or mucous plug and with my daughter had the bloody show and plug but once the contractions started that was it, so it’s always different and u never know. But do enjoy that time he is inside, once he is out oh man! They have a fever, are they ok? They get a cut, do they need stitches? They hit their head, should we go to the ER? I know you worry now but you will not know a more worryless time…..i think it’s safe to say….we’re all thinking of you and i want to thank you for sharing this experience with us, it’s truly awesome!

23 brandy

THis is my second baby and I feel like you do, better with baby OUTSIDE (obvioulsy on her terms and in good time) but at the end you can’tsee or pick up, or cuddle the baby, you can’t SEE that the baby really is okay (aside fromthe HB check at the doc). So I’ve had one and I still feel that way!@

24 Solange

So beautiful post! and also so emocional!
Everything will be OK, you´ll see. It´s normal that you feel worried and emocional, I felt like you in the end of my both pregnancy too, one feels so close to the end that sometimes it´s scaring!
Sorry for my english!

25 Helen

This is so lovely Jane *sniff*
What a wonderful relationship you guys have! The thing is– and I know you probably know this– but there will be lots of bumps in the road of your marriage and parenting. When you’re married to someone you can call your best friend, it means you have the tools to work through the tough stuff together. So many marriages just don’t have that so it’s great to see.
After my first marriage ended, I used to say to myself that the most important question I should ask myself about any future potential partner was this: “If I were injured or sick, would this person be there for me no matter what?” If you aren’t sure about the answer– he’s not the right one. I’m happy to say I DID finally find the right one. It’s wonderful to be loved so much that you feel completely safe and protected in the relationship.
You guys are going to be a fabulous team to raise little baby T.

26 mrspaj

Hi! I’ve been reading your blog since I found it when I was 9/10 weeks pregnant (I’m currently almost 17 weeks). I just wanted to thank you for that post you did about the concert and how you chewed on ice cubes. I went to a concert with DH last night and was soooo worried about having to pee every 30 minutes but instead of getting a bottle of water I asked for a huge cup of ice (and despite initial hesitation after seeing my pitifulness the guy behind the counter gave it to me). It was 3 and 1/2 hours and I only had to pee 4 times! lol thanks again and best of luck to you and tarzan!!

27 IrreverentMommy

You are doing so great. Everything you’re thinking & feeling is totally normal. Your life is going to change very soon. I found hubby painting my toes for me a good distraction. :)

Thinking of you guys.

28 Kristin (kekis)

I was following your tweets last night & hoping this was IT. Don’t worry, it will be “it” sooner than later!

29 Jenn

How do I know I’m pregnant? Your post just made me cry.

Thanks for sharing all of this with your blog/twitter world. We can’t wait to see the next chapter of this awesome story as it unfolds, even if there are a few false starts between now and then.

30 MoDLin

You two are so blessed to have each other. And it has been a real treat for me to follow your adventure together. Hang in there and, eventually, little T will appear and then you’ll find all sorts of new experiences to share. We’ll be here to listen and chime in from time to time. In the meantime, grab as much sleep as you can. Pretty soon, you won’t be getting much.

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: