Totally understand what you are going through …been there done that…
It might be a good idea to go to have a session with a lactation consultant…she will show u some breastfeeding positions and also ask u to breastfeed in front of her so that u know u have the technique correct. You will get to know how much milk is monkey getting in one session coz they will weigh him before and after a feeding …that will tell u if she is low on supply …normally they should be feeding every 2-3 hours or so but this just might be a growth spurt. I would also recommend fenugreek tablets for establishing milk flow …should be available at gnc. You could certainly be pumping now..
will add more comments later …i hope this helps.
rosh

Some people will tell you it doesn’t matter if you pump and use a bottle, but I’ve heard many woman say that there baby did, in fact, get “nipple confusion.” Soooo…just in case, if you’re going to pump I would recommend using a dropper or other feeding method (one that doesn’t have a fake nipple) or using an Aldri bottle.

I saw someone on twitter recommend Kellymom and I cannot agree more. That website is priceless!!!

It is fine to start pumping now. Some women just pump their breast milk and never actually use the breast, just the milk. It is going to be even rougher on her if she is the only one who can feed the never ending hungry baby. Also, maybe Jane could try drinking some supplement shakes to keep her calories up.

I’m finally posting here after lurking recently.

I’m glad you’re watching for PPD and aware. I went for three years (!!) undiagnosed with PPD because of, well, all sorts of things. You can read my story at my site if you feel like it or have time (right!) I would say you should talk to your doctor about what’s going on with Jane. Better sooner than later, I’d say.

But here are my answers, for what they’re worth:

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile?

Well, it could be that you have a high maintenance baby. And he’s very young. But it also sounds to me like he might not be eating enough in one sitting. He should be going a little longer between feedings, unless you’re just taking a very long time changing him and getting him to bed. Which I suppose is possible. Is she feeding him on both breasts? How long is he feeding?

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful?

For breastfeeding? Practice, practice, practice. Try different holds and positions. Does she have a boppy pillow? It’s a lifesaver. Is SHE comfortable? That makes a big difference too. Make the atmosphere as soothing as possible–music, maybe some light TV she enjoys, low lighting, lots of pillows and physical support, lots of time. If it feels panicky and rushed, it gets hard for both. Has she tried lying down on her side and letting him nurse that way so she can perhaps nap a bit if she’s exhausted?

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues?

Be on the lookout, be absolutely honest, and DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP. I was in denial, my husband was in denial, we went through hell. I was too good at pretending it wasn’t happening, and since he couldn’t “fix” it, and he never would have dreamed of asking for help from a therapist or using medication, he tried to pretend it wasn’t really happening. We’re now headed for divorce–not just because of that, but it led to some very bad stuff. It sounds like you both have the right attitude. At the same time, you, Tarzan, shouldn’t be so vigilant that she feels paranoid. It’s a tricky balance, I think.

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do?

WAIT. Especially if she’s having some trouble getting used to it. Pumping is NOT the same as nursing, and it could really mess up the system. Her body could actually start shutting down the process. In addition, you need to know when it’s “safe” to pump, and you do not have Baby Monkey’s rhythm figured out yet. You do NOT want to think she’s pumping “extra” milk and then discover he’s hungry and her breasts have not yet refilled. Be patient. If she continues having trouble, you may want to call your local La Leche League or public nursing system. They often have experts who can come observe and help you on a specific and individual basis. Every baby and mother is different.

Feel free to email me any time. Seriously.

1. YES. Right now you’re little guy is going through a huge growth spurt and he’s trying to increase Jane’s supply to where he needs it to be. Breast milk is digested extremely efficiently which is why he poops so quickly after eating… it’s digested much quicker than formula. It’s all COMPLETELY normal. Yes, it sucks for you both, but the more you fight it the worse it will be. Maybe Jane can try nursing in bed (laying down on her side) so she can doze while Monkey grazes. The best advice I never took was to sleep when the baby sleeps. During the day, at night, it doesn’t matter. T, you take the baby after she finishes with a feed and let her sleep until he needs to eat again. She will feel SO much better with even a little nap. The first two weeks are the hardest, y’all. It WILL get easier!

2. Again, don’t fight it, just roll with it. Sleep when you can. Remember to eat. Remember to get plenty of liquids. (all three are necessary to make milk!) It will get better. Enjoy your happy moments together.

3. Man, I cried more in the first month than I ever had in my life. It really helped when my husband would reassure me that I was doing great, even while I was wailing about being a failure. It was hard for me to be aware that it WAS just hormones making me feel irrational. The blues will fade, but if they’re really bad don’t hesitate to talk to her doctor. PPD is nothing to mess around with!

4. I think she can pump now if she wants to. I’ve never heard the 4-6 week thing and I only wish I would’ve been pumping a whole lot earlier. http://www.kellymom.com is an AWESOME breastfeeding resource. The ladies at naturalparents.com are very knowledgeable too.

Y’all are doing a GREAT job. It will get better, I promise. Growth spurts happen and then once they’re over you’re like, “Wow. We lived through that.”

It is very common for the feedings to go like this early on and then again later in stages. It’s called cluster feeding and it happens to help
bring in better milk supply. With my oldest there was literally 36 hours it felt like she never left the boob!! Make sure Jane is getting plenty of fluids as well as food.

Has Jane tried laying on her side and breast feeding that way? With my youngest it was the only way that really worked for us and it gave me better let down therefore giving more milk for the baby.

It is so important you both get sleep when you can. Maybe friends/family can do the errands for you so you two can concentrate on feeding/sleeping!

The next 6 weeks will be highly exhausting and trying, but don’t lose faith! It does eventually get better. Take it one minute at a time. And try to get any help you can from friends and family even if they are just running errands for you.

Oh and yes she can pump anytime now. May even help bring in more milk.

Praying for you both!!

Whew! Your post brings back some tough memories – I’ve been following you guys on and off on Twitter and heard you had the baby when I was on my way to Chicago.

I’m a mom of 3 (had them in 4.5 years) so let me offer you what I’ve learned as quickly as I can:

1. All 3 of mine did this cycle for the first 2-3 weeks (I b’fed all of them). It was hardest w/my first because I just had no idea what to expect. Best thing you can do as Dad is to be there and help her as much as you can.

2. I honestly know of no “shortcuts” but what helped me was using a lanolin ointment for cracking/blistering of the girls. B’fding can be very painful when this happens so using the lanolin after every feeding until I was “calloused” did help.

3. I wish I had an easy answer for you. Not only do you have the pain and stress of childbirth recovery, your sleep patterns are shot when you have a newborn which makes it difficult to do anything requiring brainpower. When I could, I’d stand in the shower for a few minutes to just relieve my stress. Don’t be afraid to cry, either.

4. I listened to the lactation consultant at hospital w/#1 and waited 4-6 wks to pump. I was in excruciating pain in the early days because my milk supply was high and it came in fast. With #2 & #3, I pumped right away (hospital, even) and was much more comfortable. Had enough to b’feed as well as some in fridge/freezer for hubs to help w/feeding. No issues w/feeding for #2 or #3, either b’feeding or bottled b-milk.

Hang in there and keep asking the Twitterverse for help!! People are listening and many of us remember exactly what you’re going through. And don’t hesitate to ask for professional help if things just seem more than “not right”.

Best to you!

Congrats again. It is definitely a trying time but oh so exciting! Every thing you described sounds “normal”. Of course every baby is different, and each set of parents will tell you what their “normal” was. But I wanted to just give you guys words of encouragement.
From the first born to the second, parents learn a great deal of things that would have helped the first time through. Believe me, you can read all the books on parenting and still not have the answers because your Little Monkey is a beautiful unique individual. Jane’s mom instinct has kicked in and no book can know your Monkey like you do. RELAX – that is the one thing I learned after my first son. I read all the books on breastfeeding and did EXACTLY what the books said to do and still had TROUBLE with the first and gave up after 6 weeks. But my second, I just let nature take over and relaxed. Threw out all the books and didn’t read any thing else on it. And it did wonders. I was able to breastfeed until he weened and used that time to enjoy him – not saying the middle of the night feedings were easy but in a few months you won’t hardly remember it. One of my friends (who didn’t have kids yet but was preparing for them) told me I wasn’t doing it like the books explained, but it didn’t matter, nature kicks in and mom and baby figure out what’s best for them. RELAX and enjoy this time because it does go by so quickly!! Jane – RELAX, RELAX and RELAX and cuddle and love on that little miracle as much as possible. And of course – get sleep when you can : ). I always loved when people told me that – I really wanted to tell them to shut it but really – rest rest rest!

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile?

Baby’s can have quite a crazy schedule for the few first weeks. Lots of eating and pooping! What really helps is to make sure that baby gets a FULL feeding each time. Nurse until they unlatch, then wake them back up if you have to by changing them or undressing them, etc. After they nurse some more, try and keep them awake for just a bit until they need to be changed. Change them, and then put them to bed when they fall asleep. Or put the baby in a wrap and wear him as he falls asleep. Most babies will sleep much longer when worn. What also works great is having baby sleep right next to mommy. They take on mommy’s temp and breathing pattern and fall into a deeper sleep. Seriously. I didn’t do this with my first babe but did w/ my new little one and it makes such a difference!

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful?

Keep them belly to belly. And if mama needs to relax a bit, have her sit down with a small glass of wine. She just needs to relax! We somehow try and make breastfeeding harder than it really is, and while it takes some getting used to don’t worry so much. Most babies root around a lot and don’t latch on right away and that’s ok. There is actually a reason for that as it stimulates hormones in mama and helps with milk letdown. So don’t fight baby to much and force him onto the breast. Just keep offering and every once in awhile pull his chin down, pinch the nipple so it’s flat and stick it in as far as you can!

And if there were drugs involved at all during birth, it can slow down the learning process for babies, so cut him a little slack if he’s slow to catch on. Babies born after epidurals just don’t get that “awake” moment after birth where they get to nursing right away.

Also, if babies are tongue tied (the little connecting piece under the tongue is attached to to much of the actual tongue) it can make it hard for baby to latch on and get a full feeding. My son was partly tongue tied and unfortunately we didn’t find out until we’d already struggled through nursing. We did it, but it was rough. If they didn’t check for it at the hospital, just have your ped take a quick look at the 2wk appt.

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues?

Every new mama should be on fish oil or cod liver oil!!! It helps both mentally and physically! I order my cod liver oil from http://www.greenpastures.com and it’s fabulous. And yes quality determines price. A B-complex vitamin is also super beneficial as the b vitamins directly effect hormones. Other than that, some decent sleep will help any new moms mood. Most of the time the ‘baby blues’ are brought on by exhaustion. And mama needs to remember she’s learning a whole new thing. It’s not easy being a new mom!

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do?

Personally I would wait until baby really gets the hang of breastfeeding. For my first we waited about 4 weeks, for my second little babe (with whom I had a natural birth) she caught on right away and was a nursing champ from the beginning so I was able to pump much earlier with her. And if she does pump, just make sure it you who feeds baby a bottle so that baby doesn’t get confused with her smell and the bottle. He’ll know w/ mama he uses the breast and w/ you he gets the bottle.

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile?

ANSWER: Very normal!!! For us, we tried to get our daugther on a schedule of doing all things at once. She did the same thing with waking up every 30 minutes. Then we tried to keep a pattern of things when she did wake up: I would first change her, then feed her, then cuddle and rock her, finally swaddle and she would go to sleep and I would lay her down. (This was not always a fast process. The cuddle and rock part sometimes would take awhile in our rocking chair, but I put a boppy under my arms so if I got a little too relaxed, I wasn’t going to drop her. I never did. )
But, that being said, the time between these sessions gradually increased so that it would be an hour or more between. Sleep, blissful sleep.

We also took time off, meaning we realized that if we both got up with the baby every time, then neither of us would get sleep, so after a few hours, hubby would take her so I could get some sleep in between feedings. When she woke up and was hungry, he would bring her to me to change, feed and put her back to sleep, then we would both try to sleep again. It gave us at least a couple hours of sleep each a night that was uninterrupted. IT was a God Send for us.

My husband also had what he called the Daddy Drop Zone. He would cradle our daughter’s body in one arm and her head and neck in the other (full body and head support), hold his arms out a bit from his body and do little up and down motions. This almost always worked. He built up some major biceps, but it worked most times!

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful?
ANSWER: I am guessing you are referring to breastfeeding. I think it is just a time thing, and a practice thing. I was never one of those moms who felt like she needed to put her newborn on a feeding schedule, so I fed on demand. My daughter, for the first several (maybe even more) would not drink off of more than one side at a time, and then she would finish a side in 5-10 minutes. I was made to feel that was odd, that she wouldn’t drink from both sides, but it worked for her, and she thrived, so I thought poo poo on everyone else. I did pump though. After I would feed her, I would burp her, then put her in her swing or carseat so she could see me if she was awake, and then I would pump everything that I could. I froze a lot of my milk because I was going back to work, but it also works to give this to the baby by hubby.

The lactation consultant at the hospital recommended we not start a bottle until Baby was 3 weeks old, and let Daddy give it to help avoid frustration with nipple confusion. That worked well for us. Talking to a La Leche representative helped me tremendously. I cried on the phone, and they just were nothing but supportive! We also used pacifiers (shhhh don’t tell them!!!) Sometimes babies just want to suck, even if they aren’t hungry.

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues?
ANSWER: I have to say that I cried a lot the first few weeks (or more) after having our baby. There are hormones, and love emotions and exhaustion all rolled into one time, and it’s difficult.

I would recommend getting out of the house! I am a very social person and hated being home-bound. I Loved the time with teh baby, but I had to get out of the house. So, on some of the evenings that our daughter would cry more than normal and little else would work, we would all load up into the car and drive around for 30 min or so. I would have hubby drive through the drive thru at starbucks, and get out. It helped me tremendously not to be home bound the whole time. It also meant that I would shower and get dressed, which always made me feel more “human.”

We also took stroller walks around. I know it’s super hot out, but maybe before it gets to crazy hot, take a nice walk t oget out of the house, or if there is a nice green park near by (I know that Spring and Northern Houston have gorgeous, forest like areas with parks) I would just keep the baby semi covered so that people who wanted to see or touch, couldn’t.

Again, I am a very social person, and it helped me by not feeling stir crazy at home.

I also tried to watch up beat movies that I enjoy that always make me laugh. I had a VERY supportive DH, who also made 100 trips to the store for me for the stuff we needed more of, etc… I smiled when I read that you did that. My DH was FANTASTIC for doing all of that, and then letting me tag along when I needed to, even if it were for a trip to the Starbucks Drive through.

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do?
ANSWER: are you talking sex here? My Dr said to wait 6 weeks. Then gave me the smiling thumbs up and said “and the good news is, now you can have sex again!” Perhaps that is where my mind is since I’m in the 2nd trimester swing

5. Did I forget to add some of the questions I asked above? I’m too tired to go through this post again. :/

I agree with the poster about food and water. Jane really has to eat a lot of balanced food, protiens, calcium, fruit, veggies, whole grains. I think I was almost as hungry when I started breastfeeding as when I was pregnant. And water is great too. My husband tells a funny story about how he would hand me a full glass of water, turn around to get himself a glass, and i would be handing him my glass to refill because I basically just inhaled it and barely took a breath. That’s important for milk production.

Sorry this is so long and again, seemingly bossy.. but in all the advice you get, including from me, you have to do what works for you, and never feel like you are failing because something one (or more) of us told you didn’t work.

The lactation consultant at the hospital told me.. “you have got to cut yourself some slack, this is new for both of you and sometimes it takes time.” If you or Jane are interested, I can share my whole breastfeeding struggle with you from hospital until home and later. You are not alone.

Sounds like your little Monkey might be high needs(http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050200.asp) or it could just be he’s having a rough transition to the world. Some things to remember; until a few days ago, he had a constant supply of food & was constantly in motion, close to Jane’s heart. He was literally a part of her & babies are evolved to expect to be on or near mom for months after birth, too. They have very, very tiny tummies (about the size of a nut) & breastmilk digests really quickly.

Some babies can handle sleeping separately, some can’t. And even the ones that can, sometimes have days where they can’t. It really sounds like, at least for now, your Monkey needs the comfort of his mommy’s arms to sleep for longer periods. If your worried about co-sleeping, Dr. Mckenna has a wonderful site at http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/faq.html

I find babies tend to stir around the half hour mark of sleeping. If you can nurse them again before they wake up all the way (when they’re still rooting and stirring), they will often resettle fairly quickly & sleep for a couple hours. If you really don’t want to co-sleep/need to put him down, it helps a lot to let them nurse to sleep & then wait until they are very deeply asleep (totally limp), put them down on something warm (a spot where you had a hot water bottle warming it works well) & very, very slowly move your arms away.

2. Pillows!!! Lots of lots and pillows to get her comfy, to raise Monkey to the right level. A foot stool if her feet aren’t able to be flat on the floor. She could try doing a different hold. There’s some great videos online by Dr. Newman, who’s basically Canada’s breastfeeding expert. Here http://www.drjacknewman.com/video-clips.asp & here http://www.breastfeedingonline.com/newman.shtml

3.Omega 3 fish oil as I said. Also a B vitamin complex. Sunshine. A great thing to help would be to nurse the monkey, tie him on in a baby carrier & go for a walk.

4. She can pump anytime, but bottles shouldn’t be introduced until 4-6 weeks due to nipple preference possibilities. You could cup or finger feed pumped milk, though. The thing is, right now is the most important determinate of how good her supply will be. Nursing as often as baby wants will ensure that she has a good supply. If she wants, she could also take some of the herbs that increase supply. Personally, I would skip the fenugreek. You have to take way too much to get it to work. I use Blessed Thistle. A couple capsules a day is all that’s needed.

Hopefully I haven’t given you too much info for you tired brain to take in. And I really hope you guys have a much better night tonight.

for breastfeeding, try straddling the baby on her leg while he latches on to Jane. It worked wonders for my sister in law. So it will look like he is kind of standing, but he is sitting on her leg.

Rosh above had a few good points. First and foremost.. it is so very normal to not know what the heck you are doing yet! Many parents go home and have a little reality shock…. That being said, before one can hand out a lot of management advice, it’s really important to know the bottom line of “normal”….. try NOT to have a lot of rules making you crazy!
Most newborns need to have a minimum of 8 effective feedings in 24 hours. That can work out to be about every 2 to 3 hrs and sometimes a longer sleep stretch somewhere in that 24 hr period. More commonly, babies feed 10 to 12 times in 24 hrs.
Here’s what I teach:

First- make sure the latch is correct, comfortable
Second- make sure the baby does the right job while at the breast
Third- the baby needs to feed , effectively, often enough (as above) in 24 hrs
Next– Look at the diapers… by the 4th or 5th day the baby should have at least 5- 6 good wet diapers (starting to feel heavier and getting clearer… about an ounce in the diaper.. make a sample with a half or an ounce of water if you aren’t sure)…. and a few stools (minimum) that are getting yellow.
The true bottom line is weight. Your baby should be back to birth weight by the 2 week marker or sooner. Then gain about 4-7 oz per week.

Step #1. Relax. Both of you. I know it’s crazy and confusing and constant and downright scary. The thing is Monkey is feeling that. Jane is feeling that from you and you are feeling it from her. Take a few days and let the three of you snuggle and talk and rest and doze and lounge. He’s new to the planet – get to know him. You’re new to parenting – enjoy it!

Step #2. Eat. Find all those comfort foods that just make you pig out until you can’t move and load up. It was mentioned but eating and getting the water in is critical – for both of you. You are eating aren’t you, Tarzan? Because in all that stuff you mentioned I didn’t see one time that you stopped. You are no help to your wife or your son if you are run ragged. Daddys get the blues too, you know.

Step #3. Trust your instincts. You CAN over educate yourself and ask for TOO MUCH advice. You did your homework before he got here and you have your support system of doctors and family. Sure ask for opinions now and then but don’t be afraid to go with your gut. You’re going to be fine but you have to be confident.

Just remember the Zookeeper’s Rules.
Laugh often. Love always. And never forget that children of all ages are mirrors – they reflect precisely what they see.

I just gave birth to my 4th (in 5 yrs) on the 1st, and I thought I would share some of my thoughts:
Pumping occasionally is all good- you just don’t want to pump so much that her body thinks it’s feeding a machine. The body regulates its milk supply based on how much you take out. The main idea is to let the body learn how much your baby needs.
The hormones are extra crazy because of the exhaustion. Let her get a couple of hours of sleep without interruption, as in she feeds then let her sleep in bed alone to rest.
The cycle of not sleeping for more than 30 min at a time is normal. We fought this battle with our first but learned after a month or so that cosleeping must be what God intended. I put the baby swaddled up by my head (which keeps me from rolling on her) and nurse every couple of hours thru the night. I don’t have to get up, I sleep much more and I don’t change any diapers unless they are leaking at night. I used to change diapers everytime they went but that just doesn’t work- they go every 20 min! So, at night, they get a clean diaper until morning or an accident.
Don’t worry what everyone else says, just do what works for you. Just 50 years ago the drs recommended feeding your baby carnation evaporated milk. They don’t know everything.
The baby blues will go away, it’s only temporary and it is lessened by getting some sleep. Good luck you guys. Email me if you want with specific questions, I’d be glad to email you back!

I’m so sorry this is rough on you all. It can be VERY difficult especially in the first few weeks.

I just want to say that it’s best NOT to pump at this point in time. I see varying responses here, but the standard professional recommendation is NOT to pump for at least the first 3 weeks. Pumping can wreak havoc with milk supply. In some cases, it can decrease supply (babies are far more affective than pumps). In other cases, it can create an oversupply which causes even MORE problems (baby can’t nurse because he gets squirted with so much milk, mom is engorged which hurts, etc). Introducing bottles as well can create problems. Babies suck at the breast very differently than at an artificial nipple. So then they try to suck on mom that way and it HURTS.

It sounds like she’s already going through so much right now. Pumping and introducing bottles could make that much worse.

You’re doing great right now. You’re helping her as much as you can. That’s fantastic. That’s exactly what she needs. Try keeping that up while she works on breastfeeding. Giving her and the baby as much time to practice at the breast as possible will make it easier.

I saw on twitter that many people recommended trying to nurse lying down. That’s a fantastic tip. From my personal experience, I breastfed premie twins who ate every hour and a half and I’m an insomniac (takes me an hour to fall asleep). The ONLY way I got any sleep was nursing in bed (one at a time, obviously). It can be tricky, but it’s easier than it seems.

I was just reminded of something. If Jane chooses not to pump, there’s a product out that catches the milk leaking on the other side (you could return all those pads! lol) I thought about buying it when my babe was a few weeks old, but decided not to because I’ve never leaked for more than 8 weeks with my oldest 2. Almost 5 months later…I’m *really* wishing I’d bought it. http://www.thingamababy.com/baby/2009/02/milksaver.html

I just had my first (a boy) 7 months ago. So I know EXACTLY how you feel! Granted my husband probably knows more of how Tarzan feels. He was a lot like you, SO worried about me. He took AMAZING care of us.. on to your questions

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile? OH MY GOSH! We thought we would surely DIE! And we had noooo help whatsoever! We finally were at his parents house 5 days after he was born we were eating dinner around the table and my husband and I just started sobbing in unison. It was horrible! (And christmas eve too!) Everyone said “Oh don’t worry by about 6-8 weeks this will all be a memory and things will get better.” I swore I would litterally kill the next person that said that to me. ARE YOU KIDDING. 6-8 WEEKS?!?!?!? There was no way we’d make it. We were miserable. All we slept was the 10-15 minutes you talked about. And honestly, those 10-15 we slept were actually when the baby was awake in a boucy chair or his swing. But you know what? That 6-8 weeks did go realllly fast and we survived. And looking back, it doesnt seem that bad. But at the time it was SOO hard. I dont know how cried more, us or the baby!
What I am trying to say, is it’s normal. And I’m sorry… Tell Jane to think of it as labor, it really sucks and its really hard now, but it wont suck forever! THere is a light at the end of your tunnel. It’s a hard adjustment for babies. Really hard. We use the static radio, water and the dryer to this day!!

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful? Thinking you mean breastfeeding. I dont know if your doctors ever taught you this. But have Jane put monkey skin to skin (him in a diaper) on her chest (facing up, so his head under her chin) Babies are just like little animals, he will start kind of bobbing his head around smelling for milk then he will totally just dive to her breast. It is HILLARIOUS! and so cool that they know. It’s just like how animals find thier mom’s milk when their eyes havent opened yet. My LC (lactation consulant) said this was the best way to start every session (when they are newborn) Also. The hold she taught me REALLY helped. Most people hold the babies head in the croock of their elbow. You have no control that way. You have to hold below their ears with your hand and craddle their butt in the crook of your elbow. Hope that makes sence. I honeslty would have given up if not for my pillow I got. (My Breast Friend) It is AMAZING! One more thing she taught me was after you are done feeding them. Still skin to skin pull them back up on your chest and wrap a thin recieving blanket around them pretty tight and tuck it under your are pits (so just thier head and shoulders are out.) Most babies will burp themselves that way! It’s awesome. We’d fall asleep like that a lot in those first couple weeks.

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues? I had them BAD! but I never did any medication. So I guess it wasnt too bad. I started to resent my baby because he was so needy of me. Buying a pump helped SOO much with that. It’s weird but looking at picture of him really helped too. Because he was quiet in the pictures and it reminded me how cute he was even if he was screaming right now. For some reason I just wanted to talk about my labor over and over and over again. It was really burdening me. So i’d write it down. I probably wrote it down 6 or 7 times!

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do? I bought my pump 3 days after my baby was born. I was sooo worn out. I think the wait rule is for nipple confusion. My baby never had any problem. My nurse suggested though that you use a small nipple (not the big bulb kind like the platex drop ins, we used dr. browns bottles) I think that helped him. He knew the difference between mom and bottle.
My suggestion with pumping though, You may be reallly tired and you may be making enough milk for him right now, but dont go too long between pumping sessions. Your body is trying to figure out how much milk it needs. If you go a long time it will think you dont need any for another 6 hours.. so dont make that a habit. DEFINTLY pump enough then go take a reallly long nap, 6-8 hours. But only do that once. You need to pump or feed at least every 2 hours right now. It is a million times better to have too much milk then not enough milk. We figure I can stop breastfeeding at 1 year and have enough stored breastmilk for another 6 months after that! Please get a pump and start. Save your sanity. It is amazing what that will do for you. I promise…
ALSO when you pump you need to squish and massage your breast to make sure you get them alll the way empty. If you dont your body wont think it needs to make more. My LC taught me some great breast massageing techniques that released all the hind milk so the baby stayed fuller longer.

Please call you peditriacian office AND your OB office and see if they have a lactation consultant in the office. Most do.. Go see BOTH! They will each have something different to offer. I went probably 8 times.. Dont be ashamed.. Go learn new tips and tricks.. there are a ton!

I’m sure I’ll come back to write more..

I don’t feel knowledgeable enough to answer some of your questions, but I wanted to share a couple of small things. First of all, you’re being an amazing husband! Kudos to you for stepping up as much as you have. If every husband paid that much attention to their new-mother wife I’m sure there’d be less divorce.

Second, you didn’t indicate whether Jane is using any sort of breastfeeding pillow or not. And I see alot of the comments here recommend to use it. I want to suggest the opposite, actually. If she IS already using it, try NOT using it. I had problems with positioning my baby until the day I stopped using the pillow. Also, don’t use the pillow to hold Monkey up, it should support Jane’s arms holding Monkey.

And third, please don’t blow off baby blues. I know its early, and I know this early it would still be called baby blues. But the defining point is when it becomes “overwhelming.” If Jane is overwhelmed, get help – whether its from family, friends or if its bad enough, a doctor.

I don’t want to say any of the cliche lines, but if you keep at it, it will get better. Chins up =)

Hang in there! Honestly, the first six weeks with a new baby are the roughest. Keep that in mind when things seem impossible. I find it helps to know that things will get better and life will not be so crazy difficult forever. As for breastfeeding, I recommend throwing out any notion that babies should only eat so often for so long. With my first baby I couldn’t figure out why she was hungry every 45 minutes and ate only 5 minutes a time when everything I read said she should be eating every 2 hours for 20 minutes. Turns out my baby hadn’t read the book and I have a fast letdown so she got enough minlk in 5 minutes and nothing I could do would change it. If you haven’t checked out http://www.kellymom.com definitely do so for tons of nirsing help. Babies go through a lot of mini growth spurts in the beginning and constant nursing at those times is pretty normal. See if there’s a breastfeeding support group nearby because that can be a huge help. The hospital I gave birth at had a breastfeeding clinic where they weighed the baby before and after nursing to make sure she got enough milk. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know that your baby is getting enough to eat! They also helped with latch issues etc. As for introducing a bottle I would hold off until the breastfeeding is well established to avoid nipple confusion. Bottles are easier for a baby to get milk from and some have a hard time transitioning between the two. Good luck and hang in there!

Sorry for the serial posts. The light doze thing is because sleep deprivation will make you sleep even deeper than usual & if you’re already a deep sleeper, you *might* not hear him/register you need to wake up. With my oldest, I once realized he was stirring & immediately fell asleep, thinking I was nursing him when I wasn’t. He was unimpressed & continued to try to get my attention until I realized & actualyy nursed him.

I went and got in bed and had to come back to say something else.

You are the parents. Ultimatly every decison is up to you guys.

Sure there are reccomendations for everything but you have to do what works best for you.

They always say a happy mom makes for a happy family. You guys need to do whats best for Jane.

If she is so exhausted that she cant fully enjoy her time with Monkey then maybe it would be worth pumping now. You will find a million thoughts and oppinions on the subjects.

Do what is best for the 3 of you. That is all that matters. Not what everyone else thinks you should do…

I got into a pattern with all three of my children when they were newborns. When they woke up, I’d immediately feed them on one side. At least 10 minutes or until they fell asleep. Then I’d change their diaper. After the diaper change, then I’d put them on the other side for the ame amount of time. Once they fell asleep, then back into the pack and play. (they all slept in a bassinet in the pack and play until they were three months old, in order to be right next to our bed). My babies immediate need seemed to be eating, rather than being changed, and waiting that extra 10 minutes allowed them to eat a lot more and Thusly sleep a lot more. Also, I highly recommend continuing to swaddle. My kids where all swaddled as long as possible, and they all slept through the night at 3 months.

Great Job Mr.Tarzan! I envy Jane so much for having such a caring and loving husband… you really showed your worries and effords over Jane and baby!

Quick Tips:
Q1 ,Q2, andQ4. Breastfed baby tends to get hungry easier and poop alot due to the easy digest and absorb breastmilk, which is the best food for all babies! Breastfed baby is more alert and best known for light sleeper, which help his brain links and develops better compared to others.

Most babies prefer mummy to place them near her heart when breastfeed! I prefer to breastfeed in side laying position (with a pillow under my baby) due to the soreness of my lower body after episiotomy, it takes me 2 wks to heal.

The precious “Colostrum” for the 1st 3 days after delivery, then the “Transition milk”(TM) kicked in on day4! Mummy can start expressing their milk 3-4 hrly during the TM, this is the best time to maintain mummy’s milk flows and standby for milk storage!
Tips: Keep the pump on the other breast during “let down” (Dribbling of milk of the other breast during breastfeeding baby), do not waste the milk!

Q3. I had quite severe PPD during my confinement (It took me around 1 month to settle). Jane needs to keep positive mind, gets enough rest! Keeps cheering her up with jokes, flowers or presents; greetings and concerns from close family are crucial! Try to play her some soft relaxing music, give her a lot of kisses!

All the best, God Bless!

Little Monkey is only a few days old and he’s still adjusting to being out of the womb – he’s still finding his own rhythm. Jane is still adjusting in every way (hormonally, physically, mentally, emotionally, etc). The first few weeks are the hardest. Like you said, it’s hard to see it or believe it when you’re in the thick of it, but as each minute, hour and day passes, you will see it all improve.

It’s wonderful that you have already got a little pattern of feeding then doing other things before you put him down to sleep. To be able to separate early in his mind the need to be sucking to fall asleep is priceless! With my first, she’d fall asleep on me and I’d put her straight to bed – she’d wake up a little while later and I thought she was hungry, so I’d feed her again, she’d fall asleep again.. it was a cycle. It got to the point where she would wake and the only way I could get her to sleep again is if I fed her. I worked it out with my second and third that if you have that time between feeding and sleeping, then it enabled me to put them down when they were awake, but drowsy, and they would go to sleep on their own. If they woke up in the middle of the night, they didn’t have to suck to get themselves back to sleep. Once I discovered that little trick, my stress levels about feeding diminished! So, keep up the good work on that!

Jane will benefit enormously from getting out in the sunshine. Vitamin D by way of the sun is a natural anti-depressant. I agree with the other posters about walks outside in a sling or stroller. My kids have always fallen asleep in the car too, so that can be a life saver. Just a change of scenery for Jane will help boost her spirits.

As for breastfeeding – I was determined to work it out and just stuck it out and after a while, it did all work out for us. I am so glad I persisted. Nursed all 3 until they were just over 1 year old. I don’t know that you will need 7 boxes of 100 breastpads though! You may, but I certainly didn’t My body worked itself out and the leaks do stop (for me it was within a matter of only a few weeks) and the pads were not needed any more. It got to the point where I would only use them really early on if I was going out somewhere and didn’t want to risk having a let down while in public.

Everyone says to sleep when the baby sleeps. For whatever reason, I was completely unable to do that during the day. Then I read somewhere and heard that even if your mind is still alert, that just laying still can still benefit the body. Once I let myself be okay with that instead of ‘trying’ to get to sleep, I realized that I did better that way. By going into a deep sleep, only to be woken up well before my sleep quota need was met really stuffed my body around and I always felt worse than if I didn’t sleep in the first place. If I just relaxed instead of disrupting my own sleep rhythm, I did so much better. The usual getting out for a walk, listening to soothing music, sitting in the sunshine, feeding the baby while laying down, warm showers all helped me to relax.

I promise you that Monkey and Jane’s bodies will find it’s new ‘normal’ and things that are issues now will not be issues a few weeks down the track.

Oh, and SLEEP!!!! He’ll wake you up when he needs you. And you and Jane will be thrilled that you BOTH got a little bit of sleep. Sleep deprived tag teaming is not fun. But sleeping babies are awfully adorable, no?

I was VERY sore after I had my son (third degree tear) and found that lying down was the only way I was really comfortable. Being uncomfortable won’t lead to happy feeding. You say that Monkey is stiring and you’ll have to wake Jane. Can you not try to prolong the not waking her for a bit? He is not necessarily hungry EVERY time he is crying, especially if he was only just fed. Try other stuff first before you wake her. He probably is hungry but it is worth a try.

First off, congratulations on the birth of your son. My baby (#4 yikes lol) was born just a month ago.

Jane can start pumping once her milk comes in. Atleast that is what i did with my other 3. Pumping will also help increase her supply so that Monkey is able to get more per feeding. Babies typically nurse anywhere from 30 minutes to one hour every 2 hours, so having a few bottles ready would definately help Jane out.

Babies make up their own schedule. Baby Noah has decided that being up at 3am is his thing for now. He is also up every 1-2 hours wanting to be fed, and changed, sometimes more. (He was a premie though so he is high needs). This cycle that Monkey is on will change…multiple times. Eventually, he will get on even keel. It just takes some time

I just found out I am going through Post Partum Depression, which is no surprise since I had it with my daughter. The BEST thing Jane can do for herself is to take time for her. I know it is hard with a new baby and with her breast feeding, but even if it is just 10 minutes in the tub (again once she starts pumping and you have bottles ready it will be that much easier). Also, what she is going through is normal. I know that I felt like I was a bad mom because of how I felt, but I know that I am not. Encourage her to talk to her OB about her blues also seek out a support group. That way she can get out of the house and be around other mothers who are going through the same thing.

Just like everything else, this too shall pass. Just make sure that Jane is taking care of her. It is so easy to get caught up in taking care of the baby and forget that she has needs too.

Noah has colic, and when we first came home the ONLY way he would sleep was if I was holding him. I went through 2 weeks of no sleep, mostly crying during that time. Something that has really helped me (and i used it on ALL my kids) is one of those baby seats…( I will try to explain it the best I can lol) The seats sit low to the floor and most of them vibrate and play music. Noah cannot sleep on his back for some reason, and because he is so tiny, I am not putting him on his stomach. So he sleeps in the chair, which keeps him in a reclined position, (a swing works too). The other night he slept for 4 hours straight! While it may not be the most ideal situation, it works for me.

Good luck and dont forget to take care of you daddy!! Also please let Jane know, that if you guys have any more questions, especially about PPD and babyblues, to please email me or contact me via twitter (www.twitter.com/crayoninmydryer)

Melissa

oh my Gosh! dude! sleep! sleep whenever you can!

i’ll tell you what. i’ll come help Jane & you can come here & teach my husbandandfatherofMANY some pregnantwife/newmommy/babydaddy manners mkay?

and seriously… go to SLEEP!!!

First of all, kudos to you, Tarzan, for being such a supportive, thoughtful, wonderful husband!

I think when Jane starts pumping that’ll help a LOT with her postpartum blues. (I never heard anything about have to wait 4-6 weeks, either.) I wasn’t able to breastfeed for very long, so my son was formula fed, and having the freedom to take a bath, a nap, or sit somewhere quiet and read while my husband watched our boy was really liberating. It’s nice to “get away” every once in a while. I would also suggest that you and Jane take Monkey on lots of walks — getting out of the house and into the fresh air does wonders! You could even set up a spa day for Jane, complete with a massage and pedicure/manicure once she starts pumping. That would definitely help her feel better.

Monkey could be going through a growth spurt and that’s why he wants to eat so much. Those are tough during the first six weeks or so! You guys are doing a great job!

Wow, ask a question and get a million answers . I was pumping in the hospital, my daughter DID get nipple confusion – and our response was to buy every bottle ever made until we found one that she seemed to be not-so-confused about (for us, it was the MAM anti-colic bottles @ BRU if that matters, for my SIL it was playtex drop-ins.) She also was (and still is) a pacifier baby – it helped her sleep, though that doesn’t help with the nipple confusion, if that’s a problem (which for some babies, it never is, so you never know.) Sometimes they just want something to suck on.

Yes, Jane needs to eat eat eat and DRINK. I have no suggestions as to what specifically to eat, but I do know that breast milk NEVER lacks in quality. If you don’t eat enough of the right things, you will simply produce less milk, not milk of a lower quality. A lactation consultant might really help, as they usually come out to your house and spend time with you, and it’s more comfortable being in your own home than in the hospital, which, sometimes makes it easier.

The Baby Blues are tough. I gave birth on a Saturday, and two Mondays after was the worst day of all. I cried for 3 hours straight, and didn’t know why. After that, every day got easier. If you are able to ask for help (friends, family, etc) – do it! I can’t stress that enough.

Good luck, guys.

Everyone says don’t use pacifiers but if this 30 minute cycle continues I would try a pacifier instead of feeding. It may be that your little one just wants to suck, and doesn’t even want to feed. On the other hand, if you already are using pacifiers too much or improperly, that could be your problem with the short cycles.

Lactation consultants work wonders and you guys should definitely think about meeting with one, especially if you didn’t take an intensive breastfeeding class. There’s so much to know! does she have a breast feeding pillow? The “my breast friend” pillow works wonders (way better then boppy i think). Also, undress the baby while he’s breastfeeding. not only is skin to skin contact VERY beneficial but it also sounds like he isn’t eating enough in one feeding. Is he falling asleep at the breast at all? The undressing helps so that he’s not all warm and cuddly so he’s focusing on feeding. He will probably eat more and quicker.

I would wait on the pumping for a few days because of nipple confusion. That could make her breastfeeding so much more difficult. It’s easier for the baby to take milk from the bottle then from the breast (even with the slowest nipple flow) so some babies get lazy and refuse to take from the breast after they’ve had a bottle – so be careful with that. If things don’t get easier soon though, there’s no problem with pumping – just absolutely make sure you get a newborn nipple. I like the avent bottles for that – and they also help with gas.

HOWEVER – The best advice I can give you besides this is it’s great to listen to other people for advice or ideas but at the end of the day you need to trust Jane’s mommy instinct. It seems to me like you guys are very dependant on the blog & twitter. I would take some time out to just block out everything. Just tell Jane to do what feels right for her. Every baby is different and only you guys can know what he needs and what feels right for you guys. Don’t underestimate the mommy instinct – even if she doesn’t feel like she has it – because trust me, she does.

The crazy night stuff is really hard, I know I have 3 kids. Usually babies have their days and nights mixed up and they grow out of it. Babies are used to moving around at night when mommy is laying still and sleeping during the day because mommies movements lull them to sleep. So hang in there. I think it is awesome how you are there for your wife and do so much for her.

I personally wouldn’t pump and give it to the baby all the time. My sister had a problem with the baby getting too used to the bottle and then refusing nursing and she couldn’t keep up with his milk needs.

Those are just my opinions, good luck and hang in there because it does get easier and someday you will get to sleep again.

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile?

This is a totally normal pattern for the first couple weeks. You two are in for some sleepless nights and a lot of diapers. When a baby is born they have to clear out their system and breastmilk is the best way for them to do that. Some babies don’t mind being poopy or wet, but other don’t like it at all. I know at first, Stetson would sleep right through dirtying himself and even though we checked often, he ended up with a nasty diaper rash. Just keep your chins up, it will pass. But it will seem like forever. And then on night he’ll sleep for 3 hours and you’ll think died and went to heaven. By 3-4 months they should be eating every 2.5-3 hours nursing or 3-4 hours formula feeding. It took Stetson about 3.5 months to get there. Every baby is different.

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful?
Honestly, there are no shortcuts, but always remembering “this too shall pass” always helps. It does take time, months of time. Baby Monkey will get the hang of things and so will Jane. 6 weeks is the magic week (for most), it’s when feeding become easier, they may start sleeping better, ect. If Jane is having problems with feeding, PLEASE get in contact with a lactation specialist! Breastfeeding may be natural, but it doesn’t come natural. It’s very much a learned process. And some babies like to nurse in ONE position. Stetson did best in the cradle position with his head in the crook of the elbow and laying tummy to tummy with mom. Its also nice ’cause Jane will have a free hand that way. As for getting comfortable, have to test out places. Try nursing on the couch, in a dining chair, on the floor, in the bed propped with pillows, eventually she’ll find a comfortable spot. Babies do not need a lot to eat at first, their tummies are the size of a marble to begin with and that digests FAST. That’s why they need to eat so often. I promise it gets easier and more natural if you stick with it. But always do what’s right for you and your baby, if that means formula feeding, by all means do what’s right.

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues?
I cried to my mom. Everything would upset me. It’s the worst for about 2 weeks, but it can last longer. Baby blues can also effect your appetite. But its very important to eat and drink LOTS of water. And Tarzan, I must say, Jane is a very lucky lady. You sound like you’re very helpful and believe or not that helps a lot. I was lucky if my boyfriend changed a diaper every now and then and that makes things even worse. Ask often if she needs anything or wants and help. If anyone offers to bring you things, accept it.

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do?
It isn’t recommended to give the bottle just yet, but you can but take caution that it can mess with Baby Monkey’s latch, and it can also make him not want to breastfeed because he has to work harder to nurse then to eat from a bottle. It lets him be lazy. I introduced a bottle right away because I could get Stetson to latch on when my milk came in. So I would let him suck on the bottle for a couple seconds and then quickly swap him to breast and he latched on right away, perfectly. It helped us. By 2 weeks we never needed the bottle again. Beware though as they get older, if you’re nursing and bottle feeding they may fight the bottle. Now, Stetson won’t touch a bottle unless he’s STARVING. Crazy babies.

5. Did I forget to add some of the questions I asked above? I’m too tired to go through this post again.
Just on a side note…When babies are born, they have their nights and days confused. If they know what it is at all. So start during the day keep the area bright and try not to quiet the house so much, nursing is good lighting and when he’s awake talk to him, play with him a little. And at night time, darken the room, nursing in the dark (or by dim light), and don’t play with him or talk to much to him. It can over stimulate him and make sleep harder for him. This usually helps when they’re a couple weeks old, but start it early so you get a routine of it down.

Some tips for you (and all dads) on the postpartum blues and postpartum depression:

1) The baby blues are not a mood disorder. They are a normal hormonal adjustment period the majority of mothers go through. They generally resolve on their own 3-5 weeks postpartum. They don’t require psychiatric treatment. A mom who has symptoms similar to the baby blues that are continuing or worsening after that 5-week period should call her doctor (crying, feeling of disconnection, irritability, feeling overwhelmed and perhaps like she should never have become a mother, major changes in eating or sleeping habits).
2) If she does get postpartum depression or a related illness she is lucky to have a husband like you who cares so much. Here are some tips from my husband on what it is like to have a wife with PPD: http://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/weblog/2008/03/husband-postpartum-depression-dads-fathers.html
3) There is a great book for dads whose wives are suffering from a perinatal mood disorder. It’s called “The Postpartum Husband” by Karen Kleiman (you could get it on Amazon I’m sure). She guides you through not only supporting your wife/partner )
4) There is a a site called The Postpartum Dads Project that shares insight from various dads who’ve been through PPD with their wives. I imagine it would be very helpful to men looking for answers. http://postpartumdadsproject.org/

Hope this helps. Katherine, Postpartum Progress

I haven’t read any of the above comments (there’s just so many!) but I can tell you that there is a really really good video you should get by Shari Crisco at The Baby Experts. I sell it on my site and it’s called Simply Breastfeeding. It covers all the things you guys are struggling with – okay, not everything, but a lot. Pumping, milk supply, etc.
One thing that is very important for you to know is that if Jane starts pumping now for the purpose of you feeding baby Monkey, you will create more problems with breastfeeding as far as supply issues go. Jane needs to breastfeed regularly so her breasts know how much milk to make. If she goes all night without breastfeeding then her breasts will start making less milk, assuming that she doesn’t need to feed the baby except once every 7 hours or so. Then baby monkey will not be able to get as much milk as he needs and this will more than likely further contribute to any ppd issues she is already having. This is what leads to formula feeding in many cases. Your support is going to pull her through this. All babies wake at night and need to feed. This is what ALL babies do. This is what they are supposed to do. Jane’s job is to feed him. Your job is to support her, sleep through most of it and let her sleep in the daytime between feeds. I know it’s not easy. I have been there twice and I am glad the early days are over, as precious as they also can be.

1. The crazy cycles tend to go on for a while. Its normally about 2-4 hr in between feedings, and when you add the actual breast feeding time in there, diaper change, falling back asleep, 30 mins, then its about time to wake back up again. Hopefully your lucky like I was and get some sleep in the next couple of weeks. Sounds like a long time, but as you say the time just blends in. Just remind mommy to nap when ever the little one is napping to help keep her strength up.

3. Post Partum: Although you think you aren’t doing enough, I say that you are doing a whole lot mroe than some husbands do. It makes it all the more important that you understand what she’s going through and just being for her is the most important thing you can do. As for her eating, that always changes when you are breast feeding, however you are right and she needs extra calories. Try having her drink Ensure or a drink like that if she’s not hungy or doesnt have energy to eat.
Having my husband be supportive, helpful, and understand would have made it 100x’s better. I think you are doing great! Just keep being there for her.

4.Breast Feeding/pumping : You can start pumping as soon as you would like. I fed my son and then pumped and froze what was left. That way when I was too tired (ie:falling asleep with baby at the boob) his dad could warm it up and put in bottle.

I have a six week old boy, a 3 week old niece, and a 8 week old niece – LoL No we didn’t plan it like that! – so let me see if I can answer these a little too. I know I’m a “newbie” too but sometimes having someone who was literally JUST there can help out a lot. I’m always asking my sister-in-law (with the 8 week old) questions.

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile?

Answer: These are normal, and for me they are already fewer & far between. He now sleeps around 4 hours each time he falls asleep. That’s not to say that sometimes he stays awake from one feeding all the way til the next, but it gets a lot better and you really get used to it quick. Once you are getting 3-4 hours of *mostly* uninterrupted sleep, you feel like it is a lot. For me, these cycles seemed to happen the most often from his “Week 1 Birthday” til his “Week 3 Birthday”, with week 3 being the worst. After that, it really started dropping off.

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful?

Answer Well, now. Call the hospital where you had Baby T & ask for the lactation department/consultant. See if their services are free of charge if you had your baby there. The hospital I had my son at had lactation consultants available 5 days a week, free of charge. I know you said you guys had one of the ladies come in while you were still in the hospital. If you see one of the ladies again, they may be able to show you some “new moves” to make it easier. For me, I just had to keep trying different holds & asking the lady if I was doing my favorite hold just right. His head was just a tad too far to my side, so she moved it & viola! It just clicked.

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues?

Answer I really didn’t have postpartum blues, but my SIL with the 3 week old did/does a little still and she said that she just has to tell herself that there is an end in sight! Baby T will be sleeping through the night, Jane will no longer be sore/stitched/engorged/etc very soon, much sooner than we realize! It won’t last forever, and looking back it won’t seem like it lasted a minute.

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do?

Answer Jane can start pumping now, but my personal experience is that if you pump now, freeze it til Baby T is 4-6 weeks old, the older the better. It’s not the pumping you’re supposed to wait on, it is the bottle. If you introduce the bottle too early, Baby T *might* get “nipple confusion” and not want to take the breast/bottle. To help her engorgement & to help stimulate more milk supply, pumping in between feedings is very helpful. If she’s not too tired. If she is, it won’t hurt not to pump. It’s just whatever makes her comfortable. Be sure when you do introduce a bottle to get a bottle type that is made more like the breast. I love Playtex Drop-Ins and the BreastFlow. They are a bit expensive, though.

I hope these have been helpful, my answers & everyone else’s. If you guys need anything else, just let us know – we are all here to help you. Good luck with everything.

The insane sleep cycles can only last a short period, or they can be your child’s temperament. Our first son slept wonderfully – at least at night. Our 2nd son slept much like yours. It was a VERY long first year with our 2nd. Swaddling seemed to help both our boys sleep better overall in those early months. A white noise machine or an alarm clock with a white noise function will help drown out some of the normal household noises while the baby sleeps. Again, not needed with our first, but needed with our 2nd.

I wish I had a magic cure for breastfeeding too. I had trouble with both of our sons, and my supply dried up early on with both. I spent many hours on the phone with a friend’s mom who is a nurse and has breastfed 3 of her own kids. The best thing I learned from it all is that the baby knows which nipple they want, as far as bottle, breast, or binky. Both my kids had a strong sucking reflex, and binkies were a must for us. I’ve never heard of waiting to pump. I was encouraged to pump in the early days with both since they were both frequent eaters so that I could get a break now and then. Even with introducing the binky and bottle to both boys early on, they both preferred the breast.

The best advice I was ever given was to sleep when the baby sleeps. Even if it’s only 20 minutes, it can help in the long run. (((HUGS))) it does get better eventually.

Congratulations on your new baby!!! Sounds like you are all doing well, the baby is pooping, which is good, and waking up to feed, that’s great too. He is probably going through a growth spurt, that’s why it’s every 30 ming. Another reason for waking up could be that he does not like sleeping in his pack and play…you could try buying a sleep positioner for him to make him more comfortable or you could try putting the baby to sleep with you for one night, if it’s a specially tough period when he is waking so much, this way he might sleep longer.
I was told the same thing, i.e. not to pump for 4 weeks. I would recommend to follow the hospital’s advice–do not pump! 1) pumping will increase your milk supply, so you might get more milk than you need, and it could cause you to get clogged…a friend of mine was pumping too early and she ended up with a clogged breast and an infection and they had to put her on antibiotics. 2) your baby should not get a bottle till at least 3-4 weeks, though giving an occasional formula on a tough night once is not a big deal. 3) pumping is exhausting and it’s not as pleasant as breastfeeding (well at least in my opinion) so why torture yourself before you need to. 4) the only thing that is good about having a pumped bottle, you could ask Tarzan to wake up and feed the baby for you at night, but again this is too early for the baby to get a bottle, he might not take the breast if you start giving him bottles so early on.

I agree with the previous postings, I also recommend the Brest friend pillow and a medella step stool as well, they will line up your body in the way that takes off pressure of your back while breastfeeding.
To increase your milk supply, I recommend eating freshly baked bread (because yeast increases the milk). Another thing is “mother’s milk” tea, sold at Whole foods, though i never used it but people say it’s great, it has fenigruk (not sure how to spell it seeds in it).
As far as baby blues, I would recommend that Tarzan spends more time playing or carrying the baby monkey around, and let Jane have some personal time to take a bath. Another thing is Jane should try to eat more fruits and drink some organge juice, that helps. I am not a big fan of taking newborn babies out to restaurants, stores or on the town…but maybe you could visit family or best friends. Also maybe getting a haircut or nails done could make Jane feel better. Also Tazrzan should make sure she always has food, and it would be great if she did not have to cook or do laundry, the only thing that she should be doing is breasfeeding, and singing/talking and cuddling with the baby…otherwise, just walking around the house in pajamas, eating, and doing sits-bath…lol. Goodluck to you guys, every step of the way some things get easier, but other things get harder…the main thing is I applaud you for being so caring about you baby, and always remember spending time with you baby and paying attention to him will pay off.

Oh I just saw your reply Tarzan and wanted to comment: PLEASE don’t stay up to watch baby T sleep! At night, you must both take advantage of the times he is asleep to sleep yourselves. The only time you may want to stay up is to watch over Jane if she is nursing lying down– just to make sure she doesn’t lean onto the baby if she doses off (it’s ok for her to dose off if you’re watching- get it?)
Otherwise— SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP when he does:-)

I just wanted to throw it out there that as a 25 unmarried female. You people are scarring me for life. I was all thinking I’d like to have kids in the next couple of years with my boyfriend/soon to be fiance before the age of 30. I think adoption is the way to go. Yay barren uterus!

Actually, now that we’ve moved on from my scarring. I think there’s something else I haven’t seen people say. When I was an infant and my mom was feeding me I would wake every 15-30 minutes. After the first couple of nights she realized my cries weren’t for hunger, attention, someone change me my arse is damp, but actually noticed I would pull my little legs closer to me. By week 2/3 she couldn’t figure it out until I refused to eat from her anymore and would turn my head. I was actually allergic to my mother’s own breast milk and it was confirmed from the doctor and my father (also a physician)!!! It was causing me terrible stomach aches and lactose intolerant type of symptoms. Have you noticed that with your little one? Maybe it’s waking because its in pain?

I could be wrong but I know sometimes people wouldn’t think of things like that because it is not always common.

The postpartem blues might be just a side effect of being tired right now. You might find it goes away when she’s more rested. If not, or if it gets too bad, get help right away. I had severe depression after my first two but not after the last one. I think I’ll be fine after this one.t

With nursing and not sleeping long enough, I recommend nursing on only one side per nursing. This will help the baby get more hindmilk which is richer in calories and will satisfy the baby for longer. Of course, if she is sure her breast is empty and the baby is fussy for more, switch sides. Also, consider…I mean really consider practicing and getting a hang of nursing while lying down. Baby and mom can lie stomach to stomach. If you can get this down, baby will fall asleep and stay asleep if you let me just sleep next to her. Not jostling the baby will help him stay asleep. Baby will be ok without burping after every nursing…he may spit up a bit more…but unless he has issues like reflux or spits up A LOT, he should be fine without burping every time. He’ll also sense her presence and stay asleep longer. Studies show that cosleeping also helps regulate baby’s temperature and respiration rate. Mom will get much more rest as well. Let moving the baby to a separate sleeper wait until mom is more rested. DON”T cosleep if you have a water bed, are very overweight, or on sedating drugs/alcohol. Don’t use heavy covers.

I know some are really afraid of cosleeping but it really is a life saver for new moms. I had my 4th baby on Friday (a couple days after you) and I’m already sleeping 2-3 hours at a time and 6-7 hours a night so I know it works.

Hello and congrats.

Everyone has covered the questions very well. I just wanted to take some time to add a few things about PPD and PP Anxiety and Panic Disorder.

After the birth of my first daughter I had PPD. I had all of the classic symptoms. I didn’t feel connected to the baby. I thought the baby hated me…etc, etc. Thankfully I’m not shy about going to the dr and I went after about 2 weeks and got on meds.

After the birth of my 2nd daughter, things were very bad. I had Post Partum Panic and Anxiety Disorder….this is completely different than PPD and not something you hear as much about. Infact, I had never heard of it. I speak from having both and you need to watch for this one. I wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping and EVERY night between 7-9 I would have a panic attack at the thought of being home with the baby at night. The dr said this is called “sunsetting”. My blood pressure would go through the roof and I would feel like I was having a heart attack. I had minor panic attacks during the day (while I was alone) but the night time were far worse and almost unmanageable. Thankfully again, I went to the dr and got put on meds.

Baby Blues are very common, but, please watch for anything that may go beyond the “blues”. Don’t think there is anything wrong with having this, it’s just hormones.

I wish you all of the best….New babies are stressful and exhausting…but, there is no greater gift…Once you hit 12 weeks, life will change.

I know I’m late posting but I can not agree MORE with the posters that said Jane must eat and always have water beside her while breastfeeding. Even if she doesn’t feel hungry, it’s because tired is outweighing hunger. I know the last thing I wanted to do was eat, but even if it’s just some soup in a coffee mug for her to sip on with some toast is better than not eating. If you have a crock pot, T, use it! Stews are easy. Throw it in a bunch of your faves with some chicken or beef broth and let it cook all day. Makes lots and it’s good.

I started pumping right off the bat. *For me*, I would pump right after a feed. Just ten minutes on each side. It helped with my supply. Again, that was my experience. Everyone is different. Jane may find that she has a “snack boob” and a “dinner boob”. One of mine produced way more than the other. Tell her that’s normal. She’ll come to learn her own output. Trust me, by this time next month? Jane is gonna feel like a Super Starbucks minus the espresso and it’s awesome.

Regarding PP blues: I had a really hard time after my 1st kiddo made her grand appearance. I didn’t really know it until she was 4 months old. I think right now you are doing the right thing by watching her. Unless she has any dangerous thoughts or reactions, give it a couple of weeks. If she still feels like she can barely keep her head above water, so to speak, then she needs to call the OB. With my 2nd baby, I ended up on a course of Zoloft (safe for breastfeeding). Talk about night and day. I actually started feeling like a human in no time.

I haven’t read the other comments, but the things that helped me so much were these. Take a shower every day. Put on fresh clothes (even if it’s just PJ’s). Throw on a little lipstick. Does wonders.

You guys are doing great. If you ever feel that you need to call the Ped or the OB, don’t you hesitate or feel like you are bothering them. That’s what they are there for!!!

Hi Jane & Tarzan,

Congrats on little monkey!

I answer some of these from experience and others from advice from professionals on my forum

1. Are the crazy cycles: eat, change, put down to bed, wake up 30 minutes later hungry, etc. normal? Do they happen often or is it happen just every once in awhile?

It may take 6 weeks for monkey to settle for longer. Evenings were always niggle time for me when my one was teeny. I resigned myself to sitting down and feeding her practically non-stop from 5.30 till 11 for the first few weeks (months even!). This may stop monkey from waking up all night, or monkey may just be getting milk supply up to his needs, in which case it’ll pass (and then come back on the next growth spurt possibly)

2. We do know it takes some time for her and Baby Monkey to get used to it and learn, but are there any shortcuts you’ve learned or anything Jane can do that you found useful?
I think the best advice anyone can give is to relax. It is natural. Give Jane lots of cups of chamomile tea to help her to chill out. Also, have you got one of those V-breastfeeding pillows? Those were a lifesaver for me at first. Also feeding lying on your side in bed is great. Give Jane’s shoulders a rub, breastfeeding can strain the back a bit.

3. Do you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions on anything that helped you with postpartum blues? I drank loads of chamomile tea & put lavender essential oil in my bath. Raw chocolate (pure cocoa) is meant to be really good for lifting the mood…not regualr chocolate as it has too much sugar and will pick Jane up and then throw her right down again.

4. Someone told us at the hospital that you need to wait 4-6 weeks and a friend told us that Jane could be doing that now. Which is correct and/or what did you do?

I pumped from day 3 with absolutely no problems. If monkey is hungry then pumping is not going to deplete milk but increase supply…so no problems there! I pumped one boob with a manual pump while feeding on the other….plenty of time for both to make more milk!

much love to you both and try to enjoy monkey without over analysing everything. Mothering/parenting is natural and instinctive…listen to what your heart and your little dude tells you! xxx

Just a quick note re waiting six weeks to pump. I stuck to this in new mother fear after the birth of my 1st; he subsequently refused a bottle for the next nine months = no relief for me! For my next two babies I breastfed but made the decision to introduce the bottle to them by the end of two weeks – not regularly – just to allow the possibility that bubs would accept it as an alternative if I needed a break or some kind soul offered to babysit for an hour or two!

Oh, and I highly, highly recommend a sling .. they’re gorgeously comfortable for both of you and great for bonding.

The rule of the thumb about daddy’s and mummy’s sleep is:

“Sleep whenever the baby sleeps.”

But of course sometimes you may have to sacrifice (all or part of) your sleeping session (when the baby is sleeping) to quickly do some important household chores. That’s unavoidable!

Jane,
I have followed your blog since about a week before I delivered my second child which arrived the same day as Monkey- another girl for us though. I was due the day before I found it b/c I had been googling labor symptoms and found “bloody show” in one post. Your hubby is hysterical and honestly, this site was about the only thing that i had laughed at all week long, i was that miserable, so thank him for me (side note Jeff Dunham was the only one who did that for me with baby number 1 so that is how funny he is and his humor was only in written form!). Well, I feel like I have so much where i can relate to you. I was in false labor the same night as you. Yet I also had false labor, get this, the entire month before we delivered, it was horrible!!! i started having real contractions finally the same time you did, well I am eastern time, but the same time comparably. Anyways, while I have been fortunate enough to escape PPD two times now, well, so far, I have had problems with depression and anxiety my whole adult life. It sucks, but lucky for me, it has been manageable with certain interventions. Btw I am so sorry aobut your horrible psych visit. I swear the mental health clinic in our town sounds just like the place you went to. And how unprofessional that doc was, to show up whenever they felt like! Whatever. Also I am a stay at home Mom now, but I used to be a pediatric physical therapist working in early intervention so I know about torticollis. Did they show you how you can stretch Monkey even while you feed him a bottle or just hold him in your arms- it’s all about how you position him during the feed? Stretches held for long times work very well. So I check the site here and there, you know, when i somehow have the chance b/t taking care of two kids! Ha! I hope you all are well. I do think of you guys across the country from us often