Warning: This is a completely upfront, blunt, and some may even say controversial blog post. I’ve been breastfeeding now for a little over two weeks. Little Monkey did not have a problem latching on and I feel grateful for that. I hear him swallowing and it’s the sweetest sound. But I’m just wondering if my thoughts on breastfeeding are normal and don’t flame me for just sharing my thoughts please.
For example, I know it is best for him and that is why I am doing it and will continue to do it… but I don’t enjoy it. At all. I don’t feel like we are bonding anymore than if I had a bottle in my hand to be quite honest. It seems like more of a chore and the times that he is particularly feisty frustrate both me and him.
I will admit that I feel selfish admitting that I don’t like to breastfeed. I feel like I should love it because of how good it is for my little boy and because of the special bonding between the two of us, but I don’t. So do all of you breastfeeders out there truly enjoy this time or are you like me?
I will also admit that making a bottle and feeding him in 10 minutes (or however long it takes) seems so much easier. As all of you moms know, time is precious and sitting on the couch with him on one boob for 40 minutes and then repeating the amount of time on the next boob, if he doesn’t fall asleep, is exhausting.
I know that he’s just a little baby and that we are both learning about breastfeeding right now and I try to keep that in mind, but I wish that my boobs produced milk that just poured out of them and flowed easily into his mouth so that we could get onto different things.
And don’t even get me started on cluster feedings. Oh. My. Gosh. I feel like I don’t even have time to go to the bathroom at times. Well, I’m exaggerating, but those feedings are pretty tiring for sure. I know that babies aren’t so black and white and that it’s not realistic for me to have these crazy expectations, but it sure would be nice.
Today I read in my Breastfeeding for Dummies
Surely I can’t be the only one that feels like this, right?
I have thought about exclusively pumping instead, but the more I pump, the more cow-like I feel. I’m beginning to realize that I don’t love pumping too much either. Yes, it’s a lot quicker, but if I ever hope to be one of those people who has 200+ ounces of breast milk saved up… well, let’s just say that I don’t see that happening.
For some reason my left boob doesn’t seem to pump out as much as the right boob. I also notice that Monkey feeds better on the right boob too. I read in the book earlier that babies and mommies have breasts that they prefer, so I’m guessing that this isn’t too out of the ordinary, right?
The picture above is of the amount of breast milk that I pumped earlier. Tarzan fed him a bottle of breast milk and I pumped. Man, it’s so disappointing to see not even an ounce come out of the left boob. Oy.
I did briefly talk to Monkey’s pediatrician about this… I prefaced it with “You’re probably not the right person to talk to this about, but…” She said that while breast milk is so perfect for little Monkey, I should be happy doing it and not look at it as a chore or something I dread. Am I a bad mom because of this? Does it mean that I’m lazy or selfish? I sure hope not and deep down I don’t think that I am.
After all, the reason I continue to breastfeed him is because of how much I love him. I would do anything for him, but I have to wonder at what cost?
I’ve heard so many people tell me that they stopped breastfeeding because they weren’t making enough milk. Just yesterday a few of my neighbors said that and I’ve read that online. How much truth is there to that? Every book I’ve read said that it’s extremely rare that a mom doesn’t make enough milk for her baby. Every person I’ve talked to on twitter says the same thing. Every site I’ve found online says the same thing. Even the pediatrician said the same thing – It’s rare.
I do wonder if people say that because they just hated breastfeeding and quit, but don’t want to be judged. Shoot, I’d probably do the same thing because you never know the kind of person you are talking to… there are a lot of happy formula feeders out there, but also a lot of die-hard breastfeeders that might judge out there as well.
I know it’s each person’s own & very private decision, but I am just curious as to how you view breastfeeding. Are you like me and do it because of the benefits for your little one, all while not enjoying a minute of it or do you absolutely love the time spent breastfeeding with your baby?
Again, please don’t judge me, but we’ve always been 100% real on this blog and it doesn’t get anymore real than this. I just don’t see other woman sharing anything like this out there. I can’t be the only one, right?
You might also want to read:
- Our Baby Feeding Schedule: A day in the life of Tarzan, Jane, and Monkey. Welcome to no sleepville.
- Breastfeeding: Let’s talk painful nipples, shall we?
- Postpartum blues, help with breastfeeding, and ramblings from an overtired Daddy.
- When Boobs Collide: The Breastfeeding and Post Pregnancy War. It’s crazy out here.
- Past memory of postpartum depression, breastfeeding Monkey, & my dog
= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 106 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow. I feel like I wrote this post. So, no, you’re not the only one. We’re on week 4 now…I don’t want to scare you but we’re still sort of feeling the same way as you. I’m going through the same thing as you right now…SAME. Here’s my most recent post about it.
http://www.myladybugpicnic.com/2009/08/wbw-making-it-through-another-day/
It’s World Breastfeeding Week this week and now I kind of feel guilty for the feelings I have been having.
Give yourself time. He’s only two weeks! I hated nursing my older son at first, but then grew to love those precious moments so much that we nursed past a year. Now with a three week old, I’m enjoying it much more early on. It’s much easier and less stressful.
As for bottles being quicker, believe it or not, studies have been done on how BFing moms actually get more sleep.
Just relax and remember that these clusterfeeding infant days may seem long, but they will be gone before you know it.
My son will be six weeks on Tuesday, and I’m just starting to not feel sore *all the time* (I still feel sore sometimes) and the feedings are just starting to not take forever. I nursed my first son until he was two and a half so I thought this second baby would be easy-peasy, but it hasn’t been. I think if you can get through the tough first weeks (or perhaps even two months), then it definitely gets better. So true.
As for the milk, I can only reiterate what I’ve read and heard over the years, and that is your milk comes in based on supply and demand. If you nurse a lot, you should have no problem with supply. If you don’t nurse your baby frequently, then it’s possible not to make enough milk. I know because I had to supplement with formula with my first son for the first couple of months due to medical reasons. It was hard work getting my supply back up — but it did come back, thankfully. I’ve also heard/read that pumps don’t get out as much milk as a baby does because babies are more efficient at getting the milk. So you can’t go by how much milk you pump as a gauge for how much your baby is really getting.
However, all that said, don’t be guilted into it by anybody. You have to decide what’s right for you.
Well, for me, I breastfed because I wanted to be like millions of other moms who bonded with their babies and enjoyed the experience, but truth was, it was miserable and I hated it. Sure, I bonded with my babies, but it was hard not to since they were attached to me 24/7. Then there was the pain. The mastitis. The fact that the husband can’t get up with the baby at 2 a.m. because they were hungry and he didn’t have the right parts. It’s HARD. It’s not for everyone, and people have no right to judge others who don’t do it – unless you are doing for purely selfish reasons. Oh, and just for the record – #1 BF not at all (he wouldn’t latch on), #2 – BF 3 months (pure misery), and #3 BF six weeks. I cried every time when I gave up, because I felt like such a failure, but my kids are now happy and healthy and well adjusted children despite my shortcomings as a breastfeeding mother!
Also with regard to pumping, remember his tummy is Tony, so while the pump output may seem small, it’s good sized for him. Also how long do you pump and what kind do you use?
Oh for crying out loud…(not you, Jane!)
“She said that while breast milk is so perfect for little Monkey, I should be happy doing it and not look at it as a chore or something I dread.” ENOUGH WITH THE “SHOULDS”, PEOPLE! (again, not you, Jane!) “Shoulds”, when it comes to mothering, are some of the absolute worst things in existence, PARTICULARLY when it comes to how you “should” feel about anything. No frickin’ wonder so many women (including me) are/were so afraid to speak up about their concerns and feelings and darknesses!
Jane, you are not weird. You’re you. Monkey is Monkey. It’s true that the first few weeks are the hardest, and perhaps you will start enjoying it more once you don’t feel quite so much like a 24-hour all-you-can-eat buffet. Hey, I “mooo-ed” more than once in my time! And maybe you won’t. That’s not something anyone else can dictate.
That glorious trick of mothering memory that wipes away most of the bad has made it difficult to remember whether I didn’t enjoy it at first. I remember the relief of not having swollen breasts. I know I did enjoy the closeness and intimacy after a while–it was one of the few times I felt like I could actually do something RIGHT. But that was my own issue.
I would suggest you stick it out a little longer–you know, to make sure? But if you finally feel that he really isn’t getting enough from you (and while that may be rare, it’s not unheard-of) and you both seem to prefer the bottle…well then, do what seems right. It is NOT abuse or irresponsibility, regardless of what the fanatics will tell you. (Note: I support and promote breastfeeding, but I do not think it’s right for everyone. Nor the magic elixir that cures and prevents all ills that some seem to think.)
Ultimately? You’re the mother. You’re the one with the boobs. And you call the shots.
I sent you a few tweets but feel like I could share so much more on this. Yes, so many other moms have felt this. It’s normal.
Re: making enough milk. Remember that Monkey’s stomach is very, very small right now. He doesn’t have a lot of room in there. But as he grows, he will be able to take in more and your body will respond by making more. Unless you have health issues or take medication that interfere with this natural process, your body WILL make enough milk. But we can’t measure the amount of breastmilk Monkey is taking in while nursing so when we see a small amount in the bottle, it’s discouraging.
As I said in my tweets, make a goal to get to 6 weeks of breastfeeding, then reassess. If it’s not going well, then you can feel that you gave it a good go. Most issues, including bonding, will resolve themselves by that point.
Whatever you decide, it’s YOUR decision. Do not feel pressured to make a decision because of anything someone else might say. You are the expert on your son and your family. Trust your gut.
Of course you’re not the only one! And bravo to you for being honest with yourself. I think one of the most important parts of parenting a newborn is ALLOWING yourself to not like every aspect all of the time. It’s not easy, at all!
Here are my thoughts on breastfeeding. I have been nursing my daughter for 16.5 months, and I truly love it. I have loved it for a long time, but I didn’t love it much in the beginning. Those first 6 weeks were really tough. I had soreness, I got mastitis, and I felt like ALL I DID was nurse. My girl would nurse for 45 min, stop for 15 min, repeat. All day, every day. I never got out of bed, it seemed.
But I look back and realize what a brief period of time that was. Quickly enough, my child learned how to nurse efficiently, and she spaced out her feedings MUCH further. And nursing became something I enjoyed, as a peaceful way to settle down for a few minutes and reconnect with my baby, who would stare up and smile at me. I am so glad I toughed out those early weeks, because now I’ve had over a year of easy, pleasant nursing.
And please don’t worry about the lopsided supply or the poor pumping output. Pumps are just NOT as efficient as baby, so you’ll never get as much milk as Monkey gets out on his own. And it really is normal to have one breast that produces more and that baby prefers. My left side is about a full cup size bigger than my right while nursing, and I get twice as much out of it for pumping, easily.
Hang in there, Jane! Try not to make any decisions about quitting until you get to 6 or 7 weeks. I can almost guarantee that it will be SO MUCH better then.
I’m not sure if I’m making enough milk but I do have a hard time getting it out. I have 9 day old twins and Hunter feeds great… he doesn’t need much help. He is losing a little weight so I have to supplement a bit. Sarah however does not want to suck so I have to pump and feed it to her. It is hard to pump enough milk to feed them both the extra they need.
I also have trouble getting a let down without Hunter on one of my boobs. I need to work on that.
On enjoyment, I like feeding Hunter but that is because he is easy. Sarah is difficult and can be very frustrating. I hope both of us don’t end up hating it.
Now I have to decide if I give up on Sarah, do I also give up on Hunter?
I’m not sure…
You’re normal. Don’t worry. I looooooove breastfeeding, but in those early days? Not so much. It’s a lot more magical when you’ve got an older baby who doesn’t want to cuddle all the time because she (in your case, HE) will actually snuggle up and cuddle peacefully for a feed instead of trying to wiggle, crawl, or roll away. Plus the first 3-6 weeks there so much going on hormonally that it’s just overwhelming sometimes.
Give yourself time.
It is quite demanding early on. My first daughter took a LONG time to nurse at first. But with all 3 of my children, a few months down the road, they became very efficient and nurse in less than 20 minutes! Your body definately has to “learn” pumping and baby is always more efficient than the pump. Do you swaddle Monkey at all? Some of his cluster feeds may be more because he’s tired and wants the comfort. Swaddling works wonders for helping a baby to sleep! Breastfeeding is both sacrificial and rewarding.
PS: I feel like there is more bonding when I bottle feed her and I’m worried that I’m not pumping enough either.
Congrats on your new baby! No, you aren’t the only one that has felt this way. The book is right though, it does get easier. Keep in mind as hard as it is right now (time consuming) this is the way nature intended it to be. Let me try to explain… You just spent 9 months growing another person. You just spent however many hours in labor bringing that new person into the world. Now your body is trying to make all this milk to help this new little person grow.
Take care, snuggle that baby because it goes soooo incredibly fast!
You are supposed to be taking it easy- letting your body heal and regain some energy for when that little person starts moving around and you are chasing him all over creation. It takes a lot of energy just to make all that milk that is needed for that little guy to grow into that boy that can run around. If you were up and running around, cleaning and running errands and going to the mall, ect you would be using up a lot of that energy that you body needs to make the milk right now. When you have run yourself ragged doing all those things your body will say whoa woman by possibly giving you some plugged milk ducts. Your body is going to slow you down one way or another so that it can do what it needs to do. So just take it easy – you’ll be able to do what you want to do in due time.
I promise you this isn’t going to last forever. If you’re anything like me before you know it you’re going to blink and he’s going to be up and running around, barely stopping to breastfeed for 5 minutes before he wants to run around some more. Then you are going to be longing for the days where he would just lay peacefully in your arms and nurse for hours so you could sit and have a rest.
I just found your blog today..
My baby is 5 months old now and I breastfeed her. The first month was horrible, the letdown hurt SO bad and she seemed to take a while and I felt like I was feeding all the time. I do think there was a little bit of bonding going on despite the pain. She got to be real efficient and the letdown pain eventually died down.
Babies are much better at sucking the boob than a machine is. I don’t pump as much as she eats. My midwife also told me to pump before the baby eats – the baby can always get more and will and when you’re ‘full’ it’s the best time to pump. I’m back to work in the office 3/days a week. I’m only able to produce enough milk by pumping every single day, morning (I pump one side while she eats on the other) and night (she started sleeping through the night 7:45pm-7:45am) so I pump at 11pm each night… and then I of course have 2-3 pump breaks while at work. It’s a total pain, but I really do want my baby to have the nutrients from my breast milk for all the good it will bring her. Breastfed babies are smarter they say…
I’ve found breastfeeding to be convenient too. I can just whip the boob out and get my baby to be quiet and happy. Sometimes it’s a pain because I’m not wearing an easy outfit to just whip it out… but I make it work.
I also have been told that your body will produce enough to feed the baby, yet have heard people say they aren’t producing enough. I don’t really get it. I figure they must be doing something wrong if that’s the case, or using it as an excuse. That’s fine I guess, to each their own!
OMG thank you so much for writing this post. I hated breastfeeding at first. Actually, I didn’t want to breastfeed. You are not alone. But I wonder how much of it our feelings have to do with our culture? I think there are a lot of things we view as a chore until suddenly we have a shift in perspective, and then maybe we end up loving them. I used to hate gardening, now I love it . . . don’t know what happened. With breastfeeding, I did it because I didn’t like the smell of formula which I had fully planned on using until I cracked open a ready-to-feed can. A few things changed it for me: 1) the day my mom pointed out how my son would quiver with joy when I started to unbutton my shirt, and I honestly thought it was adorable to watch him nod off drunk with my milk; 2) the convenience of nursing during takeoff and landing on plane trips and not having a screaming baby. I think it’s all relative, how we feel. I did it in part because I didn’t want to feel guilty if I didn’t, and say my son got sick with Leukemia or something and then I would have wondered for the rest of my life if I could have prevented it by breastfeeding. For your other questions, I would check kellymom.com or see and IBCLC or check bfar.org which handles low-milk supply issues. BTW, I started an org to appeal to moms like you, and would love for you to check it out and tell me what you think, especially our new ad campaign.
Jane, don’t feel bad. I can’t say I honestly enjoy breastfeeding. But I do enjoy that it’s ALOT easier to feed my daughter that way. Mind you, I have one that eats in like 10 minutes flat, so I could see how 40 minutes or 40 minutes per side would be killer. I wonder though, about it being rare not to have enough milk. My daughter has fed at least every 2 hours since the day she was born, sometimes more often than that. As soon as she made an unhappy noise, I fed her (she stopped using cues because I responded so quickly when she was hungry). And for a 6 week period, she gained 1 pound. I went to my breastfeeding clinic, concerned about her weight gain. They put me on domperidone (which you can’t get prescribed for low milk supply in the US but I’m in Canada) and within 3 weeks she had gained 2 pounds! So, I wonder about that…
Anyway, I didn’t expect to be so pro-breastfeeding before she was born. But I won’t go so far as to call myself a lactivist, and I’m not going to judge. I really hope it gets better for you, and is more comfortable. I think it will probably be more likable as Monkey gets a little bit older, if still not your favorite thing to do. Good luck, and I don’t think I have to tell you to ask for help when you need (because you obviously do)!
I think Heather’s suggestion (set small goals, see where you are in a few weeks) is a good one – it WILL get easier, and eventually you may find you really love the bond as you both get better at it. I was set on breastfeeding for the first year, whether that was through pumping and/or breastfeeding. We did have latch issues that lasted 6 weeks (my daughter’s mouth was too small at first to latch correctly) and needed a breast shield for that time in order for her to feed – talk about frustrating for a first time sleep deprived mom who felt like she should be able to do this better somehow! I wish I’d given myself a bit more grace and just relaxed, definitely go easy on yourself and don’t stress yourself out about it!
If you’re feeding Monkey exclusively breastmilk then everything you pump is “extra” hopefully that makes you feel better about not getting too much? As time goes on you will let down better and your supply will increase with Monkey’s appetite. If you really want to try and increase the amount you pump, you can pump one side while he nurses on the other – it’s tricky to balance but effective.
Have you talked to a lactation consultant? Often the hospital you where you delivered will have some on staff that you can consult after you go home for free – definitely worth asking! Also, keep trying different ones until you find one that is a good fit if necessary. My hospital also had a breastfeeding support group that met once a month – “breastfeeding support” was kind of a misnomer, because the group was great for all things new mommy related, it was great!
Best of luck, feel free to DM or email me if you want to talk! (I’m @psmom)
Don’t worry so much about being judged! You know what’s right for your family. I felt the same way at first. My lil guy never latched on correctly unless it was night time so I spent countless hours with my friendly boob plunger. I am kinda surprised that that’s all the milk you were able to get. You may play with the settings a little bit and make sure you have the air valves covered correctly. Of course, you’ve only been at it for a lil bit and Monkey might just be getting all you have right now especially if he’s cluster feeding.
What you are feeling is completely normal – at least it’s the same as I felt. I exclusively bf for the first 6 months and then supplemented w/formula for another 3. We had to quit because my lil one was about to bite my nipples off and I thought my second child might like to have them one day. Anyway, like I said I didn’t understand how bf could be a bonding experience anymore than holding him with a bottle. As he grows though and you don’t feel as overwelmed you’ll marvel at how quickly nursing will calm him. When he is around 6 months and won’t stop moving around you’ll love that it gives you extra snuggle time. Wait til the day you realize he takes up your entire chest instead of the little scrunched up ball of cuteness he is now!
You’re doing great. It is tough – EXTREMELY tough. But one day you will look back and be glad you took the time and daily struggles to bf (no matter how long you keep at it) and realize it was a bonding experience.
Love the blog and look forward to following the three of you on the rest of your journey!
Hi, it’s me again. Man, these comments are GREAT to read. I’m learning a lot hanging around here. I need a glimpse of hope, too.
The first couple weeks were HARD but then it slowly just got easier, or more comfortable.
I’m not here to judge whether you continue to breastfeed or not, but I do encourage you to stick it out for a bit longer…just to see how it goes! You can always decide to stop later but once you stop, it’s much harder to start up again since your body won’t make milk anymore since it’s not being used (so I’ve read).
And just because you were only able to pump a little bit, doesn’t mean Monkey isn’t getting any milk! Monkey is way more efficient at getting milk out than the pump! I was only able to pump a few drops out at first but like my doula told me, “pumping takes practice”. Before you know it, 4 ounces will pour out in no time!
One last thought….in my opinion, breastfeeding is WAY easier than preparing formula!
I’ve nursed two babies for a total of 30 months and I have to say that once your baby is a couple months old and latches on by himself nursing is super easy. It’s a drain at the beginning but it will get better and you won’t have a baby attached to you nonstop forever. I went through times where I didn’t enjoy nursing and I think it’s normal. Take the constant feeding as your cue to take it easy and relax with your baby because before you know it you will have to chase him down to feed him! And definitely don’t feel guilty for not enjoying it right now. There’s no law that says you have to like breastfeeding every moment that you do it.
Also…the pumping..it’s still in the early days. Pumping is a LOT different than the baby nursing. The baby is much more efficient at getting the milk than a pump will ever be. Don’t try to judge if the baby is getting enough based on what you pump. If you are worried that the baby isn’t getting enough keep track of his wet/poppy diapers over 24 hours. (5-6 wet diaper & 3-4 poopy per 24 hours) That is a much better indication of how much the baby is getting than what you are pumping.
Don’t ever apologize for being honest! Sometimes I feel bad about what I write in my blog and fear being judged, too, but that’s what a blog is for…you should be able to say what you feel. I hope I love breastfeeding, but I don’t know if I’m going to! Especially when people converge on our home after our baby is born (in early October). I don’t think I’m going to be a fan of feeding in front of an audience…
You are not the only one. With my first baby I HATED breastfeeding. I made it to six weeks and then started on formula because I could not do it any more. Not everyone enjoys it. Just like not everyone likes, say, broccoli. KWIM? With my second child I breastfed him for over a year. With him it was better and I actually enjoyed doing it. So, it can even change for you for your next child. No one should make you feel bad because that is how you feel. Whether to breastfeed or not is a completely personal choice and should be viewed that way. Good luck with whatever you end up doing!
Keep on it, Mamma. It is tough work, sometimes it blows, but in a bit it will get so much easier, promise. It’s so worth it. I hated the first 8 weeks. I cried all the time, but once it started to make sense to both of us it was the best thing in the whole world. So much easier than bottle feeding. But also, don’t feel defeated if you don’t want to do it. It’s a choice only between you and your little monkey.
Jane, kudos to you for being so honest! I breastfed by little guy exclusively for his first 2 months, but I wish I had introduced a formula supplement earlier. You wrote some things that made me nod along in complete agreement and understanding. I loved breastfeeding, but I was so upset that I couldn’t pump successfully while other moms made it seem like a breeze. I just imagine how things might have been if I gave him a formula bottle once or twice a day to just get some time to build my supply back up!
No one is in any position to judge you because your experience is unique to you and Monkey. Whatever you decide is part of *your* fantastic baby experience–for no one else to change. You and Tarzan are educated, enlightened, loving parents. You will make the right decision for your baby whether it’s mother’s milk or formula or both.
I truly had a friend that didn’t produce enough milk to breastfeed. She tried having a lactation specialist over to the house even to help out… it takes a lot of extra calories in your diet to produce that milk so I don’t know if she just wasn’t eating enough or if it was because she’s quite small chested? Either way… it really, honestly didn’t work. I’m surprised you couldn’t find any sites at all that mentioned that!
Love your post. I plan on breastfeeding (baby due in Dec) but I have NO idea what it will be like or how I’ll like it. I appreciate your honesty!
Thanks so much for all of y’alls comments. Before I respond back, I wanted to write that I had a hypo thyroid while pregnant and was on medicine. I haven’t researched thyroid & breastfeeding, but I think I remember hearing something about thyroid messing up milk production. Does anyone know about that?
My OB instructed me to keep taking my thyroid medicine until my 6 week checkup and that it is okay for breastfeeding. She said that she will recheck my blood at my next appointment to see if I still need to take my med. or not. Just wonder if that could factor into everything…
Think of it like sex, was your first time amazing? Second? I doubt it! But you got the hang of it! Don’t give up… It’ll get better. You’ll be so glad you did.
I’m a breast feeding mom, well I should say extended breast feeding mom, but I totally understand where your coming from…but in a different way.
My baby was preemie, and for the first couple of weeks she couldn’t breast feed because they fed her though a tube. She still had breast milk that I pumped…pumping sucks, literally, but not as well as a baby can suck! When you see only a few drops, maybe an ounce, you think OMG is that all my baby gets when I feed him/her? Indeed it is not! Babies are much more efficient at sucking than a machine…even hospital grade machines! Seriously, give yourself time. Time to learn how to enjoy nursing, and how to enjoy the relaxing and happiness endorphins it releases in you. Don’t be in such a hurry, babies only last a very short time, as you will soon realize, and then you will wish you had that time back when you sat on the couch for 40 mins quietly feeding him
Be it on the breast that best or bottle, enjoy him!
Oh yes, I can totally agree! I told my mom the other day that if breastfeeding was as easy at first as it is now, I think more women would do it! The first month SUCKED. Literally. I felt like a giant boob. All Darling Girl wanted to do was nurse. I cried a lot and wondered if it would ever get any better. Where was this bonding and closeness I was supposed to feel? Mostly I felt sore, tired, and like a big boob. Then somewhere around 4-6 weeks, it got better. Darling Girl didn’t need to nurse as often, when she did nurse it was for A LOT less time, and suddenly it was pretty much ok. A Lactation Consultant told me that there was a major growth spurt around 7-10 days old, at 3 weeks old, and at 6 weeks old. When I made it through that 6 week growth spurt, things settled down some.
I won’t say that breastfeeding is all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes I still feel like a boob. Sometimes I hate getting up at 2 am to feed a cranky, teething 11 month old. But I also love it. I love the time I have with this baby that is mine and mine alone. It’s something I can’t explain or describe to anyone.
As for production, babies are MUCH more efficient at getting milk out than pumps. You will also always get more from one side than the other. And remember like others have said, babies have tiny, tiny bellies. That’s why they eat so often! I think I read somewhere that newborns have bellies less than the size of your thumb! To get prodcution up, eat oatmeal, drink lots of water, and eat and sleep whenever you can! Small snacks you can munch while nursing are awesome!
Something that also helped me in the early times was that I had no problem with the occasional formula supplement. We bought these things of formula that were premeasured packets to make 4 oz of formula. So when I needed to eat without a baby attached to my boob or rest or take a shower, we got out the formula packet, made some up and I got to be alone for 5 minutes! It was worth it! And I don’t regret it for one second.
The best thing someone told me was “I don’t care how you feed your baby as long as you feed your baby.” Too true. My OB told me too that it’s important that Mommy be healthy mentally and physically so that she can take care of Baby.
I’ll stop writing my book now! I just have a lot to say!
)
Jane
Wow! I’m not going to judge you, just try to encourage you. I’m trying really hard to think back to about 8 months ago my son was in the nicu, I couldn’t feed him until 2 days after he was born & then it was a struggle to nurse him, I had to pump so they could measure how much milk he was getting and let him come home to us… I remember hating that. And 3-4 years ago, when I had my second, I do remember thinking that a)nursing would be easy this time and b) wondering wth was wrong when it hurt (lactation consultant said she “had a suck like a hoover vaccuum”
Then there was 6.5 years ago when my first born was also in the nicu and I could not feed her for 3 days. Nothing. At all. So I had 3 rough starts & can’t say I enjoyed that.
But my first nursed for 25 months until she self-weaned. My second nursed for 33 months until she self weaned (both girls weaned after I was pregnant again) and those months were precious!
It seems to me they start growing really too fast once they lose the babyness of nursing. So this time around, I hope to nurse even longer.
Hang in there. Nurse this week. Then try to keep going next… and hopefully it will get easier for you (or you will want to do best for your baby and keep at it even if it isn’t easy for a while)
Good luck!
And, I think the meds might have something to do with breastmilk & may be making it harder… but if it’s safe, try to hang in there : )
And enjoy the time you get to sit down & nurse. Trust me: all too soon monkey will be crawling away, or swinging through trees or whatever, and you will have to run after him and not get to sit & rest. THIS is when you are happy to sit & nurse!
I applaud you for being so honest. Honesty is a good thing & (in instances like this) serves a greater good by bringing people together & making them feel not alone in their struggles.
My daughter is 15 months old so I’m in the weening stage & there’s a whole other mess of feelings involved with that. But, I will say that I love BF’ing her. I also love the time that was freed up as I weened her from certain feedings. As in, I can come home from work & NOT whip up my shirt the moment I walk in the door? What a concept!
The first 6 weeks while I was on maternity leave, I felt like I had a baby permanently affixed to my breasts. She was eating (at a MINIMUM) every hour & a half, sometimes more frequently. It was exhausting to be tied to her in that way & frustrating that I couldn’t go more than an hour being away from her.
I felt guilty for watching TV or reading a magazine or going on-line while she was nursing instead of staring into her beautiful little face because what kind of mother would be distracted by TV while doing something so vitally important as nursing their baby? (Guilt runs rampant with me, by the way). On the flip side, it was also a very powerful thing for me to be able to provide nourishment to my child and I think that over-rode any of my other feelings of feeling tied down, or bored, or IS SHE DONE YET?
Her feedings gradually spread out, and I also started pumping in preparation to go back to work. I didn’t produce enough to feed her & pump, so we had to introduce formula my first week back at work. I was devastated at first, partly because she took to it SO well. and partly because I felt like I was letting her down by not producing enough. But the relief of knowing my baby would never starve so long as there was formula around outweighed anything else. I still pumped, but I didn’t have to worry about whether it was enough.
I think as time goes on, you’re feelings will change & you may come to enjoy it more. Yes, it’s a huge time-suck, but this stage is so, so short & it will seriously be over before you know it.
I only nurse before bedtime & again around 5am when she wakes up (I bring her into bed with us so I can sleep for another hour or so) and I look forward to being able to nurse her now. She’s getting so big, and gets more independent every day, so nursing is one of the few opportunities I have left to snuggle her & hold her close as long as I want without her squirming away. And believe you me, I do snuggle her close these days. I love to bring my knees up & tuck her into the crook between my belly & my legs & just hold her tight & kiss her little blond head.
Everyone is different, though, and only you can decide what’s right for your family. My cousin-in-law solely pumps & bottle feeds her baby so she knows exactly how much she’s getting, and I worry that she’ll miss the bonding of the actual breastfeeding. But, it’s her decision, I respect it, & I’d never tell her that I think she’s missing out. I guess all I can say is, give it time. The first few weeks of parenthood are a total blur of emotions & you may feel completely different next week. If you still feel like it’s more burdensome than pleasurable, maybe a bottle is the route to go rather than risk having any resentment towards the Monkey.
You’ll figure this all out
I feel exactly the same as you. i nursed my daughter for 6 months and i’m currently going on 7 months w/ my son. i don’t enjoy breastfeeding. i do it for the nutrition and it’s FREE!! i’ve never had that emotional bonding experience like other moms have. so you’re not alone. and i think it’s ok that we feel this way.
i pumped after his feedings for the first few weeks to help build a supply. they aren’t eating much so i pumped what i could. i HATE pumping. but i learned my lesson from my daughter. when he started sleeping thru the night at 3 months, i got up and pumped at 3am to keep my supply up. did i mention i HATE pumping? then when we dropped his late night 10pm feeding, i pumped then too, to build up more frozen supply. nd i HATE pumping. but i knew in the end it would be worth it.
feedings do get shorter and easier and as their feedings get more spaced out, you won’t feel lik you havea baby attached to you ALL THE TIME!! it gets better. i swear.
and i have over 700 ounces frozen… thats OVER 5 gallons. and i’m so glad i do!
I’m one of those who tried breastfeeding & gave up due to supply problems. I tried & tried, with pumping & feeding all the time, etc, and wasn’t seeing progress building my supply. I was having to supplement with formula more and more, and I wasn’t getting any sleep, and I started resenting being woken by a hungry baby – that is when I decided to stop. I think I probably would have eventually made enough milk, but I just couldn’t take the utter exhaustion, and I couldn’t handle feeling resentful towards my baby.
Whatever decisions you make as a parent have the possibility of being questioned by others and even by yourself at times. We just have to do the best we can with what we have, and try to make the best decisions for our families.
I went through the exact same thing, and I can honestly say I grew to really enjoy it. (Though I never would have believed it at 2 weeks!) I think there was a big turning point around 6 weeks.
Also, I have hypothyroidism too. I don’t think it factored into my production, I was able to nurse with enough milk til 8 months. It just took lots and lots of feedings those first few weeks to build the supply up- and when he was a little older, the herb fenugreek helped, too. (highly recommended by midwives)
There was just a reader post on my mommy-confession blog about this same thing.
You’re not alone.
I so agree with many of these moms. I HATED it for about a month. I thought i was doing it wrong because people said it shouldn’t hurt–but it did. I was convinced I had a yeast infection, though now I’m not so sure. It was horrible. But, then it got better and I will never said I loved it, it was pretty convenient and free and good for him, so I’m glad I did it until he weaned himself at a year. Hang in there….
You are so not alone. I breastfed all three of my children, the longest being with my youngest for 15 months. I can’t say that I loved breastfeeding. When you start it is not easy or comfortable and you are doing it all the time. It does get better. I never could pump, I never seemed to get very much out. Finally with my last child I was able to get a few ounces out at a time but I think that was probably because I had been nursing for so long at that point (2 boys 15 months apart, never got to stop nursing in between), I pretty sure that was the only reason why I could. I remember with one of my sons being in the cluster-feeding stage and my husband begging me to give the baby a bottle just to give me a break. I miss nursing now, probably because I know that I will never do it again, but I don’t miss only being able to be gone for 2 hours and having to worry about leaking through my shirt in the early months. You need to make whatever decision you are the most comfortable with. Don’t listen to anybody else.
Ok chicken – now honestly you are gettin yourself all worked up over a big nothin. Yes, breastmilk is better than forumla (sorry but doctors say this)….even if you just do it for the first few months – which is what I did. Also don’t forget that pumping only works if you pump all the time – you have to pump about every 4 hours at the least. I was a pumping machine – and it took a good 6 weeks for my milk to really kick in too – it is not immediate for everyone. However, the one really good plus to pumping is that you can actually gauge how much your little one is getting. Just keep going at it and do not get discouraged. Honestly you will be FINE. Trust me!! This will pass and all will be OK. And I stopped at 6 months with the AOK from my doc and gradually weaned him onto formula and all is AOK. Breastfeeding is hard for alot of women. It KILLED me. But I did want him to get the breast milk. So pumping ended up being a great solution. And for my next one, I will do the same thing….Oh yeah, and one of my boobs was a milk producing machine and the other was just ho hum…..:)
Cheers.
I was somewhere in between the two extremes
The first 4-6 wks of BFing are just downright exhausting, and sometimes you just feel like a total feeding machine. BTW I did hate pumping! I wound up BFing all 3 of mine for a year each, but I didnt always love it and was not someone who felt some innate closeness to the baby while feeding. There were times were it was sweet to hold him and cuddle and watch him become so content, but mostly I just felt like I was doing the best I could do for them, and just kept setting small goals (ie I am going to BF for 6 weeks…then I am going to BF for 3 mos..4 mos…etc. ) around 6 mos I found it got kinda “old” for me, but luckily thats about the time they start eating less, and it was much less time consuming to go the next 6 mos or so.
So tired of dr’s, family and friend judging new mothers. Each mother and child are different. I wanted the best for all of my children. I tried breastfeeding with all of my children. I hated it. Every moment. I felt so much guilt in not continuing. I gave formula to all three. My oldest is 8 now and is perfectly fine. We have a wonderful relationship without the bonding of BF. Research has shown that babies do perfectly fine with which ever way you choose to feed your baby. I in no way judge breastfeeding mothers. I think it is wonderful if it works for them. I also think it is wonderful if you bottle feed. It is up to each mother to decide what is best for both their health and their mental stability. In no way should you ever feel guilty about your decisions for both yourself and your child. You do what feels right and in the end that is the best you can do for your family. Go Jane! Do what is best for you and don’t let the dr’s, family or friends decide for you.
The first 6-7 weeks are the worst.
I had a horrendous 6 weeks with my first, it’s a long story, but I got bad medical advice and lost my supply, had to use an SNS and pump to get it back until finally we were nursing exclusively. IT. WAS. AWFUL.
And then something magic happened around 6 weeks or so, we got it. The two of us figured it out and it was smooooooooth sailing.
I’m so glad I stuck with it, and I had to be damned stubborn about it as I had some people whispering to quit and my husband wondering why his wife had been replaced by a sobbing mess and shouldn’t I just pump.
No.
I did it come hell or high water. I refused to give up. And it worked. The best advice I ever got wasn’t from a Dr., nurse, or lactation consultant, it was from my mom:
“Just sit down and nurse the baby. Don’t do anything else. You’ll figure it out.”
She was right.
It gets better. It gets WAY better and you’ll be thrilled you stuck with it. You can do it.
We can do hard things. You can do this. Go team!
I took the breast-feeding classes, went to lactation consultants, pumped, took medicine to increase production, followed all the rules and even hired a french lactation expert to come to my house and help me. Still, I sucked at breastfeeding. I struggled for 40 minutes to get an ounce or two and was constantly pumping and trying all the hints. After about 6 weeks my doctor told me that some women just don’t produce milk. Some produce too much. (My sister can squirt milk across a room. It’s disturbingly awesome.) But my doctor reminded me that all the time I was spending hovered over my breast pumper (hours and hours a day) was time I could be bonding with Hailey and he assured me that the 4 ounces of breastmilk I was giving her a day was not worth the exhaustion and emotional turmoil I was putting on myself for not being able to enjoy or even correctly perform what I assumed would be so natural and rewarding. When I stopped trying to breastfeed I had more energy, more time with my baby and less anguish. It was the right decision for me. Whatever you decide will be the right decision for you.
Also? My mom breast-fed me and I have so many diseases and syndroms it’s embarrassing. She didn’t breastfeed my sister and my sister is healthy as a horse. Go figure.
Our baby girl is just two months now, and while I didn’t feel all lovingly bonded over breastfeeding at the beginning, I kinda enjoy it, or at least don’t hate it, now. It’s effective at calming her down (yay) and is faster and easier than a bottle because it’s always ready. It only took one night of me being too drunk to breastfeed to realize thar waking up and waiting to get a bottle ready really sucks. That said, my goal is to make it six months. As for advice, I think the best info about breastfeeding is at http://www.kellymom.com – no judgments, just facts. And please, check my blog for my own lopsided milk production issues (boob wars, ongoing). You are not alone.
People who judge who don’t breastfeed, or who don’t love to breastfeed, or moms who only breastfed for a certain amount of time are just totally in the wrong. You do what you feel best doing, that’s it. It does not make you a bad mom if you hate it, can’t do it, don’t want to do it. Period. I breastfed my boys for 6 months each, and although it came easy to me and although I did enjoy it, pumping was not easy. I couldn’t get more than 4 ounce a day. My mom never breasfed me and we are more then best friends. There is no lack of bond, no lack of love. Breastfeeding is great, but so is formula feeding.
You are not alone at all. I couldn’t breastfeed Adia at all. I never made more than 1/4 of an ounce and Adia couldn’t latch. After 2 weeks of trying to pump, I gave up. This time, I thought I was determined to breastfeed the twins. Once again, hardly any milk and 2 babies that couldn’t even suck. Now, a month later, I can pump maybe an ounce at a time, if even that and Leia can latch. However, I don’t really enjoy it either. I thought I would and I hear from all sorts of my friends about how they loved it. I don’t like fighting with Leia to get her latched on. I don’t like how long it takes and I certainly hate pumping. Where’s the time for that when you have twins and a toddler. I can’t sit down for 15 minutes straight. It just doesn’t happen.
I will say I don’t like paying over $150 a month for formula either though and I know the cost will only go up from here.
Reading your post I felt the all too familiar feeling of my heart sinking about breastfeeding. We’ve been having trouble too. … AND I’m not a bad mom either. With our first, I breastfed for 22 months. It was really difficult most of the first year and then got easier as she didn’t need as much. Now with our second little sweetie I’m really struggling so much with breastfeeding and she’s only 6 months. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster over it. It seems like it should be the easiest most natural thing in the world to do. Do ANIMALS have this issue?? It’s really upseting, I know.
(my post) http://www.bellazizasfavorites.com/2009/08/04/doing-my-best-an-ode-to-mommyhood/
In the end, I know that my choice was and is what is best for Camilla… and for me. I think I’m going through some sort of weird self-acceptance / forgiveness thing for feeling like I failed her. It’s so hard and just do your absolute best and know that that is enough for Monkey:).
Congrats on the new baby! How awesome! I followed the delivery on Twitter.
I had a whole breastfeeding/bottlefeeding story for you and I deleted it. I applaud you for your honesty and for being open about your struggle. But the truth is – you already know what to do. You have the answer.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. What they believe. How they felt or raised their kids. The only thing that matters is what works for the 3 of you. Everyone else is irrelevant. If it feels wrong, don’t do it. If it feels good, do it. Trust your instincts. And don’t beat yourself up for what he isn’t getting. He will have a lot. I can tell. And whatever you decide, don’t look back. This is the first of so many things to decide on.
I have two kids – one who was on the bottle, one who was on the breast. They dictated the choice and we followed along. Both are happy and healthy. It’s all good.
Enjoy this. This is the good stuff!
Kim
<>You are not a bad mom and this IS completely normal. The first few weeks are the hardest – if you can make it through – everything will get so much easier. I PROMISE! Not every mom loves breastfeeding – but during the first few weeks is not the time to determine if you will or won’t. Hang in there. You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and your baby. And remember, the pump is NOT AN INDICATOR of how much milk your baby is getting when he nurses – he is MUCH more efficient at getting the milk out than your pump. Hang in there. It will get easier – and more enjoyable. Remember your body is raging full of post-partum hormones right now too. I had a horribly difficult time in the beginning with my son. I felt like he always needed to nurse – I couldn’t sleep or eat or pee without him needing me. We had latch issues and dehydration issues. But by 4-6 weeks, we were GOLDEN. It was easy and so much more enjoyable. I went on to nurse him for nearly 4 years (he weaned last month). More <> coming your way!
I agree with you. Our situation has been difficult with what all we’ve been through, but I’m mostly pumping now. I enjoyed your blog. Thanks!
There’s no judgement and you’re not alone in this. I feel so much frustration though. I will feed my son for hours at a time and pump. I only manage to pump half an ounce out of both. I love the time but because I had to supplement because my son had jaundice he had decided he liked the bottle better. I had a breast reduction and thought maybe since it was my second child I could try to breast feed only. While I do love the breastfeeding, I hate the pumping. I tried breastfeeding only and fed literally all night. The next day he had a doctors appointment and lost over 2 ounces. It’s hard to feel like a failure. I was hoping maybe it’s the formula. I only breast fed when the colostrum was in the first two days. Then jaundice came and I had to supplement so I just took it as my supply hasn’t come in. I haven’t given up breastfeeding, but I know that just breastfeeding him because I want to breast feed is not right either. I know it’s best for him, but then if I neglect the fact that he is losing weight, I’m only doing what is expected and not what is best for my son. I love the feeling of breastfeeding personally. I hate the feeling of inadequacy because I can’t breast feed. I’ll feed him about 20 minutes on each breast only to realize he is still starving. So then I have to breast feed, formula feed, pump and it goes on and on. I don’t even get an ounce out of each put together. I was even thinking of getting a thing to avoid confusion from switching to bottle to breast, but I’m not even sure how that will work. As for hypothyroid messing up your breast milk. I couldn’t say it has played a big factor in my milk production. I think mine has more to do with the reduction. My doctor said it can take at least 3 weeks or so to establish a good milk production and may take longer or never for me because of the reduction. Don’t feel bad for not liking breastfeeding. Each mother has their feelings about breastfeeding. It’s sometimes so glamourized that we expect it to be great. So when you don’t feel so great we feel frustrated. For me it’s the same with having to formula feed and not be able to just breast feed. But, I realize that what’s most important is my son. You are doing great sticking with it. Don’t think you are alone in your feelings. The thing I realize though is you will bond with your baby whether bottle or breast. Nothing can change the bond you have with your children. Breast milk is best when it comes to immunity but it’s not going to hurt your child when you do use formula. With my daughter I breast fed for 3 months before she just didn’t want anymore. I produced less than an ounce with her too even after 3 months. It’s amazing how emotional you get when it comes to breastfeeding (or not breastfeedomg) your child. No one tells you the emotional roller coaster of breastfeeding. Most of the time it’s just stick with it, it will get better. Sometimes it does, and other times it doesn’t. If it’s one thing I know, it’s that you will love your child and do what’s best, but sometimes you can (Like a birth plan) be too rigid. If you can stick with it (which I’m sure you can) then you are doing wonderfully, if not, it’s not because you’re a failure.
I could have written this post too! I HATED it and felt so guilty. But I knew my baby needed it. So i kept going. I made the decision to EP (exclusive pump) at about 5 weeks. It just made sense for us. My husband was better with the baby (still is!) so I pumped and he fed him.
Now he is 7 months old. I actually breast feed him about 4 times a week. Maybe a little more. Just for comfort really. But at 7 months old he STILL bf’s for 45 mins to an hour!!! It’s frsutrating.. thats why I dont do it all the time.
But I know in my heart I want him to ALWAYS have breastmilk as long as I am able to make it. So I stick to it. He means that much to me…
Make sure you are pumping effeciently.. always both breasts at the same time. And massage the milk out with your hands while you pump. You need to pump a few minutes past when you squish the last drop out!!
By the way.. EVERYONE has one lazy boob. Mine is my left.. I hate it. But I have tried and tried and tried to make it catch up. It just wont!!
Keep going.. do this for your monkey!
Ok, I would’ve loved to breastfeed my little Baby Cute…but…while this statement: ” Every book I’ve read said that it’s extremely rare that a mom doesn’t make enough milk for her baby. ” Is I guess true–My mother had 8 kids, and didn’t produce enough milk for most of them. My older Sister had her first last yr. and couldn’t produce enough milk. And, while I’m not sure it’s hereditary or anything–I didn’t produce enough either! I even had a $600 heavy duty pump on loan from WIC! So it does happen…
And as for the ‘feeling like a cow’ thing–heh, I felt that way too.
Hope it all works out. do yourself a favor. DON’T STRESS ABOUT IT. Some Mom’s do it for the earlier part of the baby’s life, when it’s most important, then switch…whatever makes you comfortable.
Oh My Gosh, you don’t even want to get my started with my year of craziness in the world of breastfeeding. Latching problems, excrutiating pain for 5 weeks, only to be followed by the worst text book case of mastitis possible. After 2 weeks in Dr.s visits I remained lopsided for the rest of my breastfeeding months. I almost weaned her so many times between biting and bleeding and through it all I kept telling myself I wanted to do what was best for my daughter no matter what. I am not agains formula by any means, but wanted to provide at least some of my daughter’s nutrition via breastfeeding.
I (and I’m pretty sure the other readers too) appreciate your frankness and honesty. You areost certainly not alone! Of course everyone is different but for me it wasn’t until about 4-6 weeks that I could actually enjoy breastfeeding. I remember thinking several times how I van understand why some people stop in the first month. It can be a chore! In the second and third month I was able to actually enjoy it and then I realized how it was forming a bond between us. When you are nursing but wishing you were doing something else, stop wishing and be thankful for some time to relax and hold your baby. For me, forcing myself to change my outlook helped me get through some of those cluster feedings and hour long feedings.
Also, yes, breast is best. But if it comes to where you are resenting Monkey in anyway- then it’s time to stop! My doctor says “as long as momma and baby are happy.”
one other thing- because Monkey has gained back his birth weight plus some more then you have no need to worry! I never pumped so I can’t talk about ounces and all that. But since he is gaining at a healthy rate then he is getting what he needs!
You’ve gotten a lot of wonderful replies. I’m nursing baby #3 & I have to say, I still don’t like nursing. It does improve a lot around 6 weeks & then again around 3 months, though. There are occasional moments where I look at him nursing & feel very loving/close but most of the time, it’s just another chore that being a mom requires. Despite that, I nursed my oldest to 36 months & my middle to 42 months. I had supply issues with my oldest due to using a nipple shield ( for the entire time, talk about a pain). I dealt with it by taking blessed thistle & doing compressions. I used a shield with my second for 5 months due to tongue tie & with my third for 4 months due to his very tiny mouth.
I continue for several reasons. Cost. Formula is horrendously expensive. Why give my babies something that costs a fortune & isn’t as good for them as what I can make for free? Laziness. Yep, breastfeeding is the lazy way, imo. I don’t have to wash & sterilize bottles, I don’t have to mix up formula or try to make my baby drink it all so that bottle isn’t a waste of money. I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to warm a bottle while my baby screams, I just lift up my shirt when he starts stirring & soon we’re both fast asleep again. I don’t have to worry about taking enough when I go out or travel, no schlepping around a huge diaper bag of formula. Health. Theirs & mine. Especially since my birth mother had breast cancer 18months ago & her father had diabetes & every year you nurse reduces your risk of both.
As for not getting anything done, as a new mom you’re supposed to not be getting anything done. Nursing is Nature’s way of making new moms get the rest they need to recover. I know you probably feel great, but your body has done an amazing thing & it needs time to recover. Our culture is deeply lacking in support for new moms. It should be expected that you’ll just lay/sit around for a few weeks while you recover & learn about your new baby. There are still cultures (far too few, imo) where new moms stay in bed with their babies for the first few weeks while their community cares for them.
Genuine low supply is rare. Lots of women think/are told they have low supply because of frequent nursing or inability to pump lots. Neither of those is a good indicator. Some women inadvertently create a low supply by supplementing or by scheduling feedings. Even though some women have such an amazing supply they can give bottles or only feed every 3-4 hours & not affect supply, many women find their supply dropping if they give one bottle or put off feedings.
Just wanted to add that I totally agree with Elizabeth. Monkey has made an awesome weight gain, so it seems unlikely you have low supply, more likely you’re just someone who doesn’t let down for the pump very well.
Hey all, it’s Tarzan.
I just want to chime in here and say thanks for all your replies to Jane. I’ve read all of the comments and laughed out loud a few times – almost waking Monkey while Jane gets some sleep.
I fully support her in whatever she does. For awhile I thought things were getting better/easier with breastfeeding since the other breastfeeding post we had written a week or so back. However, as you can see, things are still tough.
And Jane feels really bad/guilty many times throughout the day. We both know it’s not her fault, she’s not doing anything wrong, but both she and Monkey get noticeably frustrated – and for GOOD reason…
… Today Jane breast fed Monkey for a good 40 + minutes on each breast. After Jane was finished, we could tell Monkey was still really hungry and wanted more. I warmed up one ounce of breast milk and fed him. He guzzled it down. I was pretty sure he wanted more, but sat him in his swing to see if he would give any hungry signs.
All was clear for enough time for Jane and I to quickly eat dinner and baby Monkey was starving. I made warmed up another ounce and 1/2 and he drank it all.
Jane pumped before going to bed and she barely got 1/4 of an ounce total tonight.
It’s been impossible to build up a supply of milk. I’m going to use up the rest either in the feeding I’m about to do – or the one after. (Then around 4 AM I’ll go wake up Jane and she’ll take over – which has been the crazy schedule we’ve been on… another blog topic for another day.)
The above situation – Jane breastfeeding baby Monkey for 20 to 80 minutes… only to have him starving after and me needing to warm up an ounce or two to give him after has happened many times.
But the milk supply in the fridge is about to run dry tonight. Jane will pump right when she gets up – hoping she gets more milk that we can store away.
So yeah, this is tough on the husband too.
I feel bad for Jane because she’s trying so, so hard. I hate to see her frustrated. She’s doing such a great job. It’s just her boobs that are being a little lazy I think.
I’m sure Jane will be on here later reading all of your comments since her comment and posting replies/questions/etc.
– Tarzan
P.S… Jane and I were wondering earlier today… where’s Peta!? Did you have your baby? You were due yesterday or the day before and your reply is missing on here! LOL I bet a big congrats are in order! Be sure to tell us the whole story!
All I’m going to say is give it time. I felt JUST like you did. I absolutely HATED nursing to begin with. I promise it will get easier, it will get better, and more natural and little Monkey WILL get faster.
My son was a major cluster feeder too. I swear I spent ALL day with a boob in the kid’s mouth until he was about 2 months old. But you have to remember they’re in a CONSTANT growth spurt right now. 4 months later I can’t see myself feeding him any other way (not yet anyways). I love nursing, it’s the sweetest thing to get those beaming eyes fixed on you like you’re the center of his whole world. And when he smiles(real ones) up at you with a mouth full of milk it’s so funny.
As for production, that is a GOOD amount for only 2 weeks out. I only way able to pump about an ounce at two weeks. Stetson is 4 months now and I pump 5-6 ounces.
Just give it some time. How you’re feeling is normal.
I’ve breastfed & bottlefed … you do what you have to do to survive. I couldn’t handle going through all the breastfeeding stuff with my first child ~ it was just too overwhelming. I tried for about a month & it just wasn’t working for us. I was trying to learn how to be someone’s mom & what in the world this small person wanted from me – adding in being her sole source of nutrition?! It was more than I could handle. She acted like she needed more than I had to give & I needed to see ounces of liquid being eaten, I needed to know that the food was “there” and not “Please-Lord-don’t-let-this-stupid-pump-die”!
With my second baby I had the chance to step back & make the decision that I wanted to breastfeed & could handle everything that goes with it. Now that I’m not stressing about getting her to develop at the right speed (sitting up, laughing, crawling, etc) I have more energy to focus on what I need to do for both of us to make the breastfeeding work. NOW I do love it (8 months in!) but the first month was fairly, ugh …. I felt like a human pacifier. I spent less time with my boobs exposed during Mardi Gras in college. I was soggy. I thought my nipples were never going to be normal again. She would make this face that I swear, she looked like a horny teenager about to get his first chance at a naked boob, it was almost scary. 3 weeks in I was exhausted and tired of being a human buffet table. By 6 weeks I felt better. By 3 months I was in love … but not with pumping. I still HATE pumping. The day I can throw these Medela & Lansinoh pumps into a bonfire I will HAPPILY do so. (I have one of each – keep one at my office & one at home, I got tired of toting the Medela back & forth.)
The best thing I can tell you is to make a goal & then reevaluate your progress. If you aren’t 100% sure you want to stop – aim for 6 weeks & see how you feel then. Then aim for 12 weeks ~ setting “One Year” is overwhelming
And if you decide to chuck it & go for formula, you can always try again with #2.
& Things I’ve Learned from Kellymom.com (great breastfeeding info site):
1.Your pumping output will never be as much as the baby can nurse – don’t use that as a guide for how much you’re making.
2.Easy way to build your supply & your freezer stock is to pump for 15 min after nursing 2 or 3 times a day. (You won’t see much at first, but after a week or two it really starts to pay off. It helped me have an oversupply so that when I went back to work I could pump more than she needed the next day & I was able to stick an extra 5 ounces in the freezer every day, now when I have “off” days I have extra stored up. Whew!)
3.One boob will always produce less = my left consistently makes about 1/2 what the right does. Dunno, apparently it happens to everyone to some degree!
I’m in 3 weeks and 3 days. It still hurts. I want to quit but I know I won’t. I feel like my Leilah deserves it. I wish I could pour up and warm some formula and I wish my husband could help more too. You are not alone. Good Luck.
Been there. Done that. I was ready to pack it in by week 2. I felt guilty of even thinking of giving up. I called my mom in tears, fearing that I would be judged.
In the end… I was really stubborn and kept at it. By week 5, we had (sorta) figured it out and everything was much better.
I cried at 6 months when Ben started solid food… by 14 months, he was completely weaned (enjoying his sippy cup of whole milk much better than me!).
Give yourself a little while longer before you pack it in for good. It’s hard…very hard. I felt like moms didn’t talk about the challenges of breastfeeding either. Good luck + Hugs!
Well I can’t give any advice being I am almost 34 weeks pregnant but I am very passionate about wanting to breastfeed. On that note I also feel very passionate about you must do what YOU feel is best for YOU and your baby! It is no one’s business how you decide to feed and nourish your child, and if breastfeeding simply isn’t for you (especially after you’ve given it a fair shot), then good for you for trying, and you need to do what you need to do. Don’t worry about people judging you. It’s ultimately about your sanity and waht is going to work best for you and your little one. Hang in there!!
Oh P.S. Going through some of the posts, especially from Tarzan..I just went to a breastfeeding class two weeks ago. If Monkey is still hungry, they told us that you can add formula to your breastmilk (or supplement with a bottle) b/c perhaps right now he just isn’t getting enough calories. A friend of mine had to do this the first week her little guy was home b/c of the same reason. Just food for thought..pun intended ;o)
Give it time. He’s only 2 weeks! I nursed my 1st so
for 6months and the first month was the hardest but I promise it gets easier! It’s not realistic to exclusively pump right now. Of course you aren’t making enough milk to do that. Your baby gets way more milk out by breastfeeding then you do pumping. If you want to increase milk supply pump a little after he feeds and start saving that milk. I always felt it was a chore but it was the first of many sacrifices I had to make. Give yourself some more time.They tell you to wait awhile before pumping for a reason. You can’t realistically pump 8 oz. Right now espec. In the first 2 weeks! Your breast make what monkey needs right now which is about 2 – 4 oz. When I first started pumping at 3 months I only pumped about 4 oz. Both boobs.. But after few weeks started pumping 6-8, so give it time and make sure you are drinking lots of water! Give it some time! On a side note: formula is expensive!! Breastmilk free!
I think your feelings are pretty natural. Being home for two weeks, spending a million hours nursing and then pumping can take it’s toll on the novelty of the situation. As I mentioned before I pumped ~3 months for my first son before he would latch. I used an Avent hand held pump because it worked best for me. When I would stress about the amount of milk coming out, it would always be less than if I simply parked myself in front of the television and pumped. Sometimes there will be little clogs in your ducts that will cause “time outs” in milk coming out. Then a lot of times you can get a second whoosh of milk. Just ask TechyDad, I used to sit on the couch or our bed and “Moo” while I was pumping.
Jane, you need to decide what works best for you. If you are not happy and things are stressing you out with nursing after a little more time, that is your decision. Remember, millions of kids are formula fed and thriving. Breast milk is wonderful but nursing is not always for everyone. . . this coming from a mom still nursing her just 2 year old son. Good luck working things out and “Moo!”
Ditto TeacherMommy. I set small goals. 2 weeks. Evaluate. 6 weeks Re-evaluate. Ditto most posters about the first six weeks are tough. You are not abnormal with your thoughts. Not.At.All. You do doubt yourself unless you’re one of those mommies that squirts like a faucet 24×7. That, uh, was so not me. I wasn’t even a leaky faucet.
Your picture? I pumped very similar amounts at two weeks. I lived in “why bother” mode for a couple of weeks. But I kept feeding (cluster and all) and pumping every couple of hours. Breastfeeding is a committment and a heck, a job! Which reminds me, are you massaging under your armpit when pumping? If not, try it.
Shortly after the six week mark? I’d go into pump and all of a sudden, it was 2oz. Then 3oz. Man I felt I was Mary Milkmaid dancing the Carlton.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrObV84tD8g
Seriously! I thought I was the shiz! I think I even cabbage patched in my living room. Haha! However, I was still worried about my left boob. Left boob was my “snack” boob and the right side was my “dinner” boob. Turns out it’s just normal.
It’s like I told ya via Twitter, it’s a personal choice. Truly. However, giving it a go for six weeks is a good goal. You two will find your rhythm. Heck you’re still getting to know each other! It’s nice to be able to just roll over, whip a boob out at 2am and doze while the baby feeds. Jis sayin’.
I didn’t love it until my baby was about 8 weeks old. Until then I breastfed him because I knew it was best for him and knew (because everyone kept telling me) that it would get easier. It’s OK not to love it. It’s OK not to even like it. Knowing that kept me going too. One day I realised that I LOVED breastfeeding my baby and it was the biggest most bonding thing I had ever done. It will take time (might be 6 weeks, might be more) but eventually it will get easier and more enjoyable. Until then, take each day at a time and reward yourself with a pat on the back after every day/week. I’ll let you into a secret – I didn’t like changing nappies… not even after 8 weeks or 8 months! Somethings just have to be done
If you really want to have a chance to keep breastfeeding, you have to stop supplementing. It’s ok to pump & store it to try to increase your supply (just don’t judge how much he’s getting based on how much you can pump & remember at 2 weeks, even formula babies are only having 1-2 oz every 2-4 hours) either on one breast while Monkey nurses on the other or while he’s sleeping, but every time you supplement, it’s that much more milk your body doesn’t think it has to make. Breastfeeding is entirely supply & demand. If he’s not demanding because he’s being supplemented, your supply will tank. I highly doubt he’s starving with the kind of weight gain he had, it sounds very much like he’s going through a growth spurt. During those, for a few days, the baby will want to eat nearly constantly & it will seem like he must not be getting enough. If you nurse whenever he wants, your supply will increase to match. If you supplement, you will eventually have to keep supplementing because your supply won’t have increased to match what he needs.
I really hope this doesn’t come across as unsupportive. It sounds like you’re very conflicted right now about continuing to breastfeed, but if you quit, it should be because you decided to, not because you inadvertently sabotaged yourself.
I just want to quickly respond by saying it is totally NORMAL to feel like this right now! Breastfeeding is NOT fun or easy in the first weeks. It’s a difficult process for both you and Monkey– but please give it some time to become easier and more comfortable. I PROMISE you, it does get better. I know that not every mom wants to BF and that’s ok, but I think lots of moms quit too soon and miss out on the great parts. Those fast, efficient feedings will be happening before you know it. Right now Monkey’s stomach is only about the size of his fist, so feedings are more frequent. Using a bottle is more like just pouring the milk down his throat. Breastfeeding is more natural, as the baby’s belly gets a chance to register that it’s full before he overeats (and then spits up- ugh)
Also, don’t worry so much about not being able to pump very much milk. Your breasts are producing the right amounts for Monkey at his current size/ability to nurse. This will change quickly! Also, remember that a baby is MUCH more efficient at emptying the breast than a pump is. It’s normal to only get a small amount at pumping, but that doesn’t mean your baby isn’t getting MORE than that when he nurses- does that make sense?
Breastfeeding is so different from what most people expect. People see pictures of mom’s nursing contently and totally relaxed, chatting with friends or gazing into their baby’s eyes— this is not realistic in the early weeks, but it will come.
You are doing a GREAT thing for your baby Jane. I think once he’s 6-8 weeks old, you’ll see it was all worth it when you can pick up and go at a moment’s notice and not have to worry about things like making bottles, cleaning them, storing milk and heating it.
This is the hardest part, hang in there:-)
Hey there. Like one of the other commenters, I just kind of decided I would breastfeed my son for the nutritional aspect of it “as long as I felt like doing it” but wasn’t really locked in mentally. It was pretty rough for the first few weeks, but once we kind of figured it out, I realized I really loved it.
Still, as much as I (eventually) loved breastfeeding him (which I did until he self-weaned at 9 months), there were ALWAYS times, even when he was bigger and I was totally into it, when I wished I could just hand him over to SOMEONE ELSE. I had some problems with pumping and so I was the EXCLUSIVE baby feeder. Please don’t think you’re the only one with that frustration of being locked in!
I am pregnant again and have been dreading that amazingly time consuming section of life, the first few weeks, where like you said sometimes it took over an hour for a feeding. And my lactation consultant had recommended we feed every two hours during the day…. (she forgot to add just “until your milk come in”)… oh, I just wanted those three weeks of my life to do over.
Having said that, it really is true what they’re telling you. I came to really love breastfeeding once we really got our schedule figured out (and I was getting more sleep)! In the middle of the night feeding (once we were down to only one), we would snuggle and I’d doze off on the couch afterwards, holding him. It wasn’t really until about 3 months or so that I really got that feeling of intimacy you mention.
As an added bonus… the FREENESS ($$) of it. When he finally weaned himself, we were horrified at the cost of formula becase we’d saved SO MUCH over the time we WERE breastfeeding. Which, I’m sure you know that.
Obviously, if it is causing panic attack levels of anxiety or exacerbating any PPD for you, then it’s going to be worse for you than it is good for him. Still, as long as you can hang in there, I encourage you to go for it.
I encourage you to stick in there at least to the end of his first month or so. As his sleep schedule changes, so will the burden. Presumably that will help with your level of frustration and “trapped” feeling, and allow any enjoyment for you to surface. It did for me at that point.
Hoping that this is the worst dilemma you’ll face, so you can enjoy every day with your new lovie.
Being a food source is hard!!!
Oh Jane, please got to my blog and do a search for breastfeeding. I had such a hard time in the beginning mostly because baby wasn’t latching (he was born prematurely.) Then once he DID latch it was cluster feedings which wore me out. It does take time to adjust, but it is really, really hard. And I recently weaned my boy only 3 months after he was born. I have been having PPD issues and I was soooo exhausted from going back to work full time and trying to keep my milk supply up (I’d pump 3x a day only to get enough milk for 1.25 feedings.) Everything got really overwhelming…
It came down to this: Yes, breastmilk is best. But what good is it if mom is too exhausted and unhappy to give baby her all? For me, I figured a happy, rested mom was a better gift to him. I am a lot happier not breastfeeding, but I do miss it sometimes.
You have to do what is right for you and your family. And I applaud you for sharing your feelings on your blog when people are so passionate about their feelings regarding BFing.
Okay, so there are like a million posts here, so I’m not sure my experience will help you at all, but I just wanted to let you know:
1. I successfully BF my #1 for a year. It was PAINFUL at first (cracked and bleeding nipples for 8 weeks- I would literally CRY every time he latched on) but once we got the hang of it it was great; very convenient and we did enjoy the bonding. He also took formula bottles once in a while when I left him with a babysitter etc…
2. #2 started out perfect; no sore nipples, tons of milk and I enjoyed the time. Then, from 7-10 months even though she was nursing A LOT, she was very fussy AND stopped gaining weight. I tried to supplement with a bottle but she wouldn’t take it. At 11 months, I had to quit cold turkey because she was not getting enough nutrition. I actually had plenty of milk, but it was obviously not nutritious enough for her needs at that point. Needless to say we both cried a lot those first couple of days when we switched to the bottle (me-from the pain of the engorgement and baby-from not getting what she wanted). Also, as a side note, I did not lose ONE ounce of pregnancy weight with her until AFTER I stopped nursing; then it all just slid off…
3. So it is possible to have a good supply and then lose it or probably vice versa. It is also possible to have a very different experience with each child so even if you do decide to BF a baby, you may end up switching to bottles or doing something totally different the next time around. My sister nursed #1 and #3 but switched to bottle-feeding #2 after 6 weeks. 6 weeks is a fair amount of trying and also the benefits of BF are there and do make a difference even in that short amount of time.
I am pregnant with # 3 now after a BIG gap (my “baby” is 9!) and I am planning on BF and co-sleeping with a 3 sided basinet attached to my bed. But I know enough now to be flexible in my expectations and be willing to adjust my plans as we go along. I have been through A LOT of difficult experiences in my life and I can easily say that one of the single most difficult adjustments I EVER experienced was going from being me to being mommy. Once you get over this transition into parenthood, you will see that everything becomes MUCH more manageable and even very enjoyable!
Most importantly I strongly believe that being a happy and calm mother is the MOST valuable gift you can give your child. If you give BF a fair shot and are not okay with it, you will be doing Monkey a favor by giving to him in a way that does not leave you feeling depleted and resentful; but rather calm and relaxed. Good luck with everything! I’m sure you’ll figure it out!
Hey Jane & Tarzan (and Monkey!). It’s definitely normal to feel this way. But let me just chime in that pumping is no indication of supply! At all. Some women can pump millions of ounces and some women cannot pump at all. For me, personally, I never let down well for the pump– it’s never as efficient as your baby’s latch.
It will and does get easier. Your baby will get more efficient and faster as he learns to latch and nurse better.
Good luck!
Jane, I definitely feel you! I started hating breastfeeding around 1 month and my daughter is 4 months old and it’s probably most accurate to call her a formula fed baby. Yeah, I felt selfish for wanting to stop, but the time, the constraints on your body and being the only one who could feed her took their toll on me. Who cares if you’re selfish?!?! A happy mother = appy baby. If you’re dreading it and starting to look at your baby with disdain every time they’re hungry because you know you have to whip your boob out, give him some formula. It’s not as bad as these breastfeeding “nazis” say it is…in fact, my ob/gyn (of 34 years might I add) is not sold on the benefits of breastmilk over formula…in his opinion, the data is inconclusive. We have enough stress as mothers…do what you gotta do! Good luck!
You are not alone in this feeling. I felt like breastfeeding was a complete chore and when I was teaching, I would have to spend every free moment in my office pumping. I would always tell my colleagues that I couldn’t come to the faculty lounge until I was done being a cow. You completely feel like a cow. And you know what, it shouldn’t feel like a chore- I felt like the happier I was as a Mommy, the better Mommy I could be. I felt really pressured by other people who were hardcore pro-breastfeeders like “this is what’s best for her, so you better do it.” That’s not fair at all to put that pressure on someone, when will we start respecting people’s wishes to do what’s best for them? I had breast infections, had to get an ultrasound on my boobs, had a total fire/burning feeling for months, I mean it was ridiculous. Baby girl is 7 months and I stopped at the end of her 4th month and you know what? Life has continued and she’s still alive and healthy. Shocker- huh?
Jane, Tarzan, I apologize for using your blog to do this. I was going to leave it alone, but I have had enough.
To the poster above me, the constant comparison of breastfeeding supporters to Nazi’s is vile in the extreme. Until women (& men) who believe in breastfeeding start maiming, torturing & murdering thousands (or even any) people, every time that word is used you are diminishing the horror & pain of millions of people. Yes it’s short & catchy, but some words refer to events so heinous that they should not be used lightly. So stop.
As for your ob he/she either isn’t reading the research or is an idiot. Either way, I sure wouldn’t trust them for medical care.
You have to do what is best for your baby AND you! If you are both frustrated then it’s not best but I also feel like you should stick it out a little bit longer so you don’t look back and wish that you tried a little longer. You’re still in the difficult phase. Definitely don’t feel badly about your feelings because I’m sure every single breastfeeding mom feels that way at least once.
Jane, I’m glad you posted you real honest thoughts! I am expecting, due end of December, and am planning on breastfeeding. Some of the realitites of it scare me. I had a friend that just had her baby girl and her daughter would not take the breast but was hungry so she had to feed her formula. Scary! Anyway, despite my fears I’m definitely going to try it.
I do have a question for those of you breastfeeding currently or who did so in the past. I have to of course, go back to work. I will be home with baby about 8 to 10 weeks. But before I take the baby to daycare I’ll need to get him/her started on a bottle. I plan on pumping the milk while at work. If everything I read says not to give them the bottle to soon so as to avoid nipple confusion, seems it’ll be tough to do in just 8 weeks….but I wonder, did anyone still try to breastfeed if they had problems but by exclusively pumping then giving the bottle to the baby w/ the breastmilk?? I know, I know, the pump isn’t as efficient as the baby is, but still, wouldn’t that be better for the baby than just going to formula? Did anyone have to do this to get the baby used to a bottle if they were bringing them to daycare?
Wow, thanks for all the great advice everyone! I am going to re-evaluate at 6 weeks. I would really hate to give up now and then regret it like so many of you said. It is nice to know that this is a “trying” time for everyone when it comes to breastfeeding.
I’m so conflicted with breastfeeding. There’s one part of me that just wants to throw in the towel, but deep down, I know that I won’t. The benefits are too great for little Monkey and I would kick myself in the as$ with regret if something ever happened to him later down the road.
I know all of the pro-breastfeeders might not like this, but I’m not opposed to supplementing with formula if needed either. I feel okay with this as long as Monkey is getting the majority of breastmilk. I will just continue on doing what I’m doing and trying to be better at it & then re-evaluate in 3.5 weeks.
Again, thanks for all of the opinions, advice, and real life experiences that you all shared. It is so nice to be able to post a concern on our blog and have people try to help us figure it out. You all are awesome!!
I had a bit of difficulty getting started and I honestly felt alot like you do now. My baby is 3 weeks old now and things have only been smooth sailing for about the last week – but now I’ve got a breast infection. Great.
Personally, I’m a big fan of the theory that if breastfeeding works for you, that’s awesome, but it doesn’t work for everyone. If you don’t want to continue, don’t. Formula is a fine substitute. At least, I was formula fed and I seem to have turned out alright.
Sarah – Sorry to hear about your breast infection. Does it hurt? I do agree with you about formula – I, too, was formula fed 100% and turned out just fine too!
The part I struggle with is that I know that breastmilk is better for him, so naturally I want to do the best thing I can for him. That being said, I do not want to jeopardize myself if I’m truly miserable. Here’s to hoping that it gets a lot better in the next 3.5 weeks so that I don’t have to make a decision that I could regret. I want to love it so much, so I’m hoping that will come in time!
@Amy V I haven’t had to work personally, but I know a lot of women who have. Most of them built up a large stash of frozen milk before returning to work & introduced a bottle around 4-6 weeks, just an occasional one with a size 0 nipple.Most pumped several times a day at work & nursed when at home, but some women do go to exclusive pumping, even though it’s a lot more work. Kellymom has a lot of good info, I grabbed this link for you http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bf-links-pumping.html
@Sarah Mastitis? I had that with my first. I got rid of it by getting a bowl of hot water, dipping a cloth in it & using it to massage the lump towards my nipple Cleared up in a couple days.
Jane, I’m sorry you’re feeling so conflicted. I was in agony every time I nursed my oldest, from my cesarean scar &where they did the spinal on my back. I think I cried/whimpered everytime I nursed him for several months. Two things kept me going: the health benefits for my baby & the fact that we simply couldn’t afford formula. I knew I had to make it work. I’ve never managed to love nursing, but I love watching my babies gain weight & knowing I’m responsible. I love little milky grins & watching my baby drift off to sleep while nursing. I love the convenience.
Thanks, devaskyla -This website definitely has some good links!
So I’m new here- just found this blog and have been reading all the back stuff- its addictive!
Anyway, just wanted to share. Only 2% of women cannot produce enough breastmilk, a lot of them have hormone issues or something hindering milk production. For me, I have extremely low progesterone (not sure if you have that issue Jane or not, I saw the thyroid stuff) and after a bit my milk just stops. For my 1st baby we BF for 2 months, 2nd we got 4 months, my 3rd- only 4 weeks- each time I use lactation consultants etc- and all the tips/tricks to boost milk production, the plain and simple fact is a lot of women with my condition aren’t even lucky enough to make milk at all, and I should just be thankful for what I can produce. But in all honesty- I truly think part of the reason I only lasted a month with my 3rd was the overwhelming guilt I felt, I was trying to get as much as I could out, missing sleep and not taking proper care of myself because I became obsessed with trying to make it to at least 4 months. I think my obsession over it worked against me, I got so stressed out, each day I made less and less until I had none. So for this baby (I’m 30 weeks along) my goal is to go as long as I can, whether it be a week a month or a year- and be thankful that I did whatever I could for my baby. My goal isn’t so much a time, but not to get so stressed about it, it overwhelms me and the joy I want to have with my child. That is my only advice, stick it out as long as you can, but don’t let it control your life/emotions. If you have to supplement with formula – let Tarzan do it and take a rest, relax, sleep, etc, but don’t beat yourself up.
And as far as it being enjoyable, maybe its because of my condition, but I’ve never reached the point where I’ve really enjoyed it. It gets easier yes, after the first month or so, but I’ve never looked down and been “this is the most marvelous thing ever!”.
Do what feels best for YOU and your baby. Don’t let other influence your decision. A mum knows best and if its too much for you, bottle is fine too. There are plenty babies that grew up just fine on bottle. You’ve given Monkey the best of your breast and he’s received all the colostrum to build his wee immune system. You will know what you want to do….listen to your inner voice.
Jane, if you’re worried about your supply: only pump to store in the freezer, not to supplement Monkey with bottles. Also don’t supplement with formula. If you continue to do what you’re doing right now your milk will be gone before you know it. Pumping does *not* equal nursing.
And I really don’t understand why you two/three get up every time in the middle of the night. Just take Monkey in bed with you, so you only sit up whilst nursing him (both dozing), or, if you feel uncomfortable doing that, get a pack-and-play, place it on your side of the bed, sit up, pick him up and put him back straight afterward. There’s no need to change him, unless he pooped. Diapers these days will perfectly hold until the morning. We did that after the first night – she never ever cried, because I picked her up before any of us were really awake.
Some other life savers: give Monkey to Tarzan when he is in the shower. You’ll have your hands free to do something else and it’s great for father-son bonding. Also: no need to run him his own bath.
And, for nursing getting easier: my little girl is 10 mo old and still nurses up to 8 times a day. She’s finished in a couple of minutes though, so much easier and cheaper than formula. I would never have believed it would be so great now, looking back on those first weeks, when she wouldn’t even let me go pee
I really wish you well, but I fear for your breastfeeding. I understand what you’re going through, but you’re not on the right track. Please try exclusive ‘live’ feeding for the first six weeks and only then reconsider.
Just wanted to say it is possible to have issues with production. Our son was born Friday and we have been struggling since then to breastfeed. I had a reduction surgery about 3.5 years ago and it has made things very difficult. I’m determined to keep trying. I’ve had enough people grabbing and kneading my breasts and nipples in the days since he was born to last for a lifetime. Because of the surgery, getting him to latch is incredibly difficult and I’m producing a whole 1/4 of an ounce (if I get REALLY lucky) after a 30 minute pumping session with a medical grade pump. This is with medication to help with milk supply.
I just wanted to post so others would know this is a possibility and its NOT an excuse to not breastfeed. I would be thrilled if I could do it and have poured tears for the past few days trying. Bawling your eyes out with a c-section is not a fun experience! After reading through some of the comments on here last night, I bawled some more thinking not only am I having a hard time, now all of these people are saying low production isn’t possible….which not only makes it my fault but makes me feel that much guiltier every time he cries and I can’t provide what he needs.
Stacey – Congrats on your baby!! I’m sorry to hear how emotional the c-section and breastfeeding has been for you. It’s sounds like you are doing the very best that you can and that’s all that matters. Keep your head up and I do hope that your supply increases. Good luck to you!
Stacey — It is told in a lot of breastfeeding classes and through LLLI that if you’ve had any procedures done, especially a reduction, that it can and will affect your production. So i would perhaps say that the ones who say low production isn’t possible just dont have ALL of the facts. Remember that every woman is different..period. You’re doing the best you can so keep it up!! And good luck!!
There is a post I’ve been wanting to write for over a week that would be the perfect reply to your thoughts.
You are not alone. I have to fight the feeling to stop breastfeeding almost every single day. I did it for 6 months with my first child and I’m currently 3.5 weeks into it with my son.
Cluster feeding is my nightmare! We’ve tried combating it with pumping and feeding him a bottle to help fill him up but it seems it just shifts his schedule and we end up cluster feeding at another time. Or he just continues to cry, wanting to suck and cuddle. It’s the worst when it happens in the evening. I spend the entire time my daughter is home from daycare nursing my son.
The good news. I talked to a lactation consultant yesterday about the volume thing. She told me to ignore the volume I get when pumping for 2 reasons: 1) you most likely produce more for your baby than you will for the pump and 2) your body sometimes compensates for volume by increasing the amount of fat in the milk.
Another suggestion to help let down when pumping was to either eat some strawberries or suck on a small piece of chocolate. I’m going to try the strawberries later this week and I’d love to know if you try it.
Stacey *hugs* about the c-section. If you haven’t already, check out http://ican-online.org or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthAfterCesarean/ Having had a cesarean is probably contributing to your supply issues, it 5 days after mine until I got any milk. Have you tried domperidone? You’d have to get it shipped from Canada, but it works wonders for many women.
Jane, the women you’re finding who exclusively pump use double, hospital grade pumps & they pump every 2 hours, day & night until they have a very good supply established. I won’t say it’s impossibly, but it’s very, very unlikely to develop and maintain enough of a supply to exclusively pump, or even just part-time pump, with a typical single breast store pump.
I also could have written this post. I stuck with it through sleepless nights on the couch with my baby sleeping on our My Brest Friend. I suffered through using a nipple shield and then weaning him from it. I went through not wanting to leave the house for fear of nursing in public. Now, I thank goodness I stuck it out. I also considered pumping and bottle feeding. It gets better and faster and easier and wonderful. I hated bfing at first and resented my son for the lack of sleep and pain. I resented my hubby for getting sleep since we rarely pumped milk for him.
at 8.5 months my son nurses 5-6 times a day, once in the middle of the night. He only nurses for 5 minutes and only on one boob. It is amazing that 8 months ago it took over an hour to feed him and he nursed a billion times a day.
If you stick it out you will be so proud of yourself. And nursing in public is no big thang once you figure it out. I have a post about the right nursing attire if you need some help trying to be discreet.
Wow, 93 comments before mine…that’s a lot of feedback!
Breast-feeding just isn’t for everyone. And you are right, there are die-hard breast feeders out there who make bottle feeding mothers feel terrible about it…been there. My first baby, I didn’t breastfeed at all – there was a medical reason for this, but it is private, and I’d prefer not to share why. Other mothers would be talking to me and just assume that I was breastfeeding…when I said that I wasn’t, they kinda glared at me and waited for an explanation as to why I wasn’t. I guess I just feel that it was none of their business, but unfortunately, many times I spilled my guts because for some reason I felt obligated to. I wanted to breast feed him, but I couldn’t. So, when my daughter was born about four months ago, I was eager to try breast feeding. This time, I was able to. The first few days, I did really like it. I did feel that we were bonding in a different way than I had been able to with my son. Now, I don’t know if the novelty wore off or what, but I ended up not liking it much at all after those first few days. My daughter was a lazy nurser who nursed for long periods of time, she was jaundice and had to be on a bili blanket and I was nursing her non stop to try to get rid of that, then I got a yeast infection on one of my nipples that burned like crazy when I nursed (and I had to get a prescription for both of us to fight it), I have big breasts, so it was hard to get comfortable when feeding her, she was colicky, so I was told to give up milk completely – and I love milk products. Now, had she been my first baby, maybe I could’ve overcome these obstacles. But, all this on top of no sleep and trying to entertain a 3 year old was taking its toll on me. One night, I went in her room to feed her. She wouldn’t latch on properly, her hands were in the way, she was screaming, I was getting milk all over her and me…I got so frustrated that I had to put her down in her crib and walk out of the room and just scream and cry. It was at that point that I decided I couldn’t do it anymore – I made it 3 weeks and 2 days. The next day, I called the pediatrician’s office to ask where to start to switch to formula, and the nurse made me feel horrible about my decision – and believe me, I was already feeling like a failure for quitting BEFORE I called them…now I was sobbing because I felt even worse. (Man, I’m starting to cry now just remembering how I felt that day…think maybe I’m still a little post-partum?!? lol) Luckily, there was a lactation consultant at the hospital who I called next, and she was so understanding and made me feel so much better – she told me that it’s just not for everyone, and that it doesn’t make me a bad mom. She was so soothing as I sobbed to her over the phone. So, now, when I feed her with a bottle, I try to look in her eyes and talk to her and bond with her that way. I feel it is a much more enjoyable experience for both of us. I, like you, do not want to be judged. I AM trying to do what’s best for my baby…so, she could have breast milk and a mommy who is about ready to fall apart, or she can have formula and have a well balanced and well rested mommy.
Now, Jane, I don’t tell you this because I think you should give up. If breastfeeding works for you – YAY!!! But, if it doesn’t, it’s okay. And, to answer your question, you are definitely not the only one who feels the way you do. Take comfort in knowing that many of us moms have been there, and we are on your side, no matter what your decision is in the end. Best wishes!
Kira – You had ME in tears reading your post. I’m so glad that you were able to figure out what works best for you and your baby because that’s all that matters… and I’m realizing that more and more.
I do agree with you (& this isn’t meant to offend anyone on my blog at all) about some breastfeeders seeming so superior over others. It really irks me and makes me feel like a bad mom, especially because I haven’t given up yet and I’m still trying. Thankfully I’ve gotten really good feedback from everyone on my blog & on twitter & I’m so grateful that there have been more supportive comments than the alternative.
I don’t care what anyone says… BFing is difficult in the beginning. I can’t tell you how often I just want to throw in the towel, but something inside me makes me stick it out. Now I’m not sure how long this will last, but I’m doing my best & my baby is getting fed & that’s what matters in the whole scheme of it all.
I commend you on doing what you needed to do to keep your sanity and have a happy baby. I’ve been there crying when he was crying bc it just wasn’t working out. It’s an awful situation, but one that I hope keeps getting better.
Anyways, thanks so much for putting your story out here & thanks for being on my side
I really appreciate it!
Don’t feel bad, I had the same issue…I tried to breastfeed and found it frustrating. My daughter was constantly hungry and I couldn’t get more milk, she was always crying because she was hungry!! the doctor kept on saying that you have to keep on trying and trying, that the more breastfeeding the more milk will come out…which I did for about two months, on the third month I decided to change to bottle. I just couldn’t put up with it anymore because I knew that my baby was starving, the doctor told me it wasn’t a good idea but I wasn’t going to keep on trying at my baby’s hunger. After I change to the bottle, it was wonderful! my baby stop crying so much, she was sleeping better, she was happier (obviously because she wasn’t hungry anymore) and she was able to eat all that she wanted. So I agree with the fact that breastfeeding is not everybody, listen to your mother’s intuition and if you feel that it’s not working out for your baby, then change to the bottle. Don’t feel bad, is better to have a happy and healthy bottled baby than a cranky and starving breastfeeded baby.
My baby boy is 13 years old not but I could have written this. In fact I could have written your preg and labor sign beginnings too–it is so similar. And the loss of placenta/hormone induced tears and despair…..!!!! Anyway about the bfeeding–I too had a barracuda baby boy. Perpetually attached to me. And I didn’t get much out of pumping. A barracuda baby means sore nipples very quickly. In fact I had scabs. So I’d put a hot washcloth over each breast before I got started. To this DAY my husband tells the story (and we laugh and laugh) about how at 10 days or so he went to the pharmacy at midnight to get some lansinoh ointment for me. There was a line. A lady was arguing about a bill with the pharmacist. There were about 8 people in front of my hubs. Finally my hubs shouted, “Lady, you won’t get this resolved. In the meantime my wife is at home with a new baby and cracked nipples and I need help!!” He got ushered up to the front real quick by everyone.
Anyway, after 2 weeks or so it got better. A lot better. The nipples healed up. Let them air dry with breastmilk on them. I then introduced him to a bottle of my milk (by bottle I mean a few ounces) at about 5 weeks. This was because at 6 weeks I would have some outpatient sugery and needed to pump/dump for 24 hours, plus at 12 weeks I was going back to work. It worked best to have the hubs give him the bottle, not me. I would eventually add a little bit of formula to the bottle to give him a little more. We eventually got a routine when I went back to work of breastfeeding at dinner time and bedtime and middle of nighttime. My son was same weight as yours and my 3 sons have always needed to double their birthweight before they slept much at night. So now I am getting into the sleeping topic. He barely slept for the first 3 months. He would sleep if I drove the car but I was really a daytime and nighttime zombie. And then it got better and better.
Second son 20 months later–nursed like a champ for 10 minutes at a time and went back to sleep. No nipple soreness. I was so thrilled he was quiet I did not care that he woke me up to eat every 3 hours. And I know it is not comprehended–having a son 13 years old seems a lifetime away, but even when he was little we looked back and said it was so, so, so hard for those first three months with the bfeeding and the non-sleeping but it was such a small length of time now that we think about it. I am sure that you already know this and you have been given some great advice to help out you and others but always have water bottles for you around the house and finger food munchies like carrots, those sandwich tortilla roll up things, etc. Watch your favorite shows, read magazines, chat with all your girlfriends. I would eat my dinner with baby attached and who cares of lettuce falls on his head. We women are fabulous and soon you can go tinkle with baby attached, make food and do stuff. Find someone to do sling wearing demonstrations for you. Feed baby in car and then walk around and shop with baby Monkey in sling. It will soon be really, really fun in the fall!! OK, enough for now.
I felt pretty much the same way in the beginning, but I had so much support from family and friends who kept telling me how much easier it got. I know that you had to stop because of your medicine, but since you wanted to know how others felt, I figured I’d tell you. I was not feeling the bonding and it was a struggle for me at first, too, but it really did get so much easier after a few months! I LOVE breastfeeding now and am so glad I stuck with it. It actually makes things easier for me because I hate when I don’t get enough sleep and I never have to make bottles in the middle of the night!
You’ve probably already made your decision, but I just wanted to let you know I’ve so been there. I hated breastfeeding, but knew it was best for my kids. I was so glad when my milk dried up with my first son at 3 months. I don’t care how rare it is, I wasn’t producing enough. I only stuck it out that long because we really couldn’t afford formula, but I hated every minute of it after the first couple weeks.
With my second, it took much less time for me to not like breastfeeding. He couldn’t latch on properly, we had many feeding issues, and then once we got those straightened out, he wanted to nurse EVERY.FREAKIN.HOUR. And he’d spend about 20 minutes on each boob. I had about 20 minutes out of every hour to myself 24/7. So the bottle it was.
(((HUGS))) from someone who’s been there. It’s ok, and you can bond with your child. My boys both still prefer Mama when it comes down to it.
Well.. I am a bit late on writing this,.. But here it goes.. yeah it’s hard at first.. my mother said that when I was a baby.. I would nurse for an hour… every 2 hours… for the first .. oh .. 3 months..
But my experiance was a bit different. I didn’t have any trouble with too little milk.. maybe too much at first anyways. But SORE!! yeah I was sooo soo sore. I thought I must be doing something wrong.. but apparently .. at my appt.. they said all was good.. And to try to use some lanolin.
But I did have some problems. I had horrible pain when I would go outside into the cold. I mean crippeling pain in my breasts. Later I think maybe I had had mastitis or something.. But get it checked out if you are having problems! Better safe than sorry.. and well despite those issues in the start.
I went on to nurse my son 2.5 years. And well there was no way I thought that would ever happen. But I have the most healthy boy ever.. and am pleased with that.
Now I am awaiting number 2.. due today.. and probably won’t nurse as long this time, But we’ll see! At least the first year is my goal!
@Kaja sounds like Raynaud’s or vasospasm http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/nipple-blanching.html
Your post reminded me of a recent article, “The Case Against Breast Feeding” that appeared in The Atlantic Monthly (it’s by Caitlin Flanagan). It’s controversial yes, and definitely worth reading, given the way you’ve been feeling. You aren’t alone!
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding
It is hard and sometimes it just plain sucks but it’s the best thing for your baby. Perhaps, moms who have breastfed are sanctimonious about it but it does come from a “this is the best choice for your baby” place. There were many times that I wanted to quit. I had cracked and bleeding nipples and every other breast ailment in the book but, like you, I was determined to stick it out because it was the healthiest choice for my daughter. I feel bad for the woman with the c-section because I understand it inhibits the hormones that assist with milk production. I hope she’s able to produce. I think with patience, it will happen. I had a friend who never carried a child in her womb but adopted 2 children and nursed them. Now, THAT’s determination.
I breastfed my two babies. I did not enjoy the act in itself but I enjoyed the fact that it allowed me to enrich my babies nutritionally, emotionally and most especially physically and mentally. I did not go the the doctor in the first 12 months for ear infections, colds or any of those childhood infections child get all the time and this was due to breastfeeding my tow babies. My tow kids are very brainy and sharp – studies have shown that breastfeeding improves intelligence/ brain function in children. My son breastfed till 15 months [He was very big baby because of this]- I tried to stop at 12 months and he went on a one week hunger strike I had to resume breastfeeding immediately based on my doctors advice and went on till he was 15 months. He was a hungry baby he could breast feed for two hours at a stretch. I devised various methods of breastfeeding at night [you don't want to know them] so I could get some beauty sleep. My daughter [second born]was different kettle of fish entirely, she used to suck in very short bursts of 10, 20 0r 30 minutes at most – she was a light eater. I battled to keep her on the breast till she was about 10 months, She was quite indifferent to the whole breastfeeding thing and all baby cereals or formula for that matter… how ironic considering what her senior brother had out me through.
But from their sizes now you would definitely know who loved the breast; he is 4 and wears size 7 clothes [ His is not fat just tall, thick and strong] while his sister is 2 and wears her age appropriate clothes. My son started talking before his first birthday and my daughter at about 18 months – babies who are breastfed for longer periods have been proven to develop speech earlier. All in all the major benefits are good health, emotional stability and mental alertness.
Consolata-
I take great offense to your comments about breastfed babies being more intelligent. I wasn’t able to breastfeed due to the fact that I have to take anti-seizure medications which are passed into breastmilk therefore making my milk toxic. My first born son is 3 years old but most people think he is 5 years because of his size and speach . My daughter is 19 months old and is stringing together 3 and 4 word sentences, she is also tall for her age. This dispells your idea that breastfed babies are bigger or speak earlier than their formula fed counterparts. The reason my children are so verbal is I read to them and with them. I talk to them and teach them. I am also concerned about the comments you made about your daughter, you imply that she is inferrior to her brother in both intelligence and size because she breastfed for 5 months less than him. Every child is different and develops at different rates.
Jennifer, I am surprised you feel this way. We are all sharing experiences and thoughts here not the laid down law or medical quotes – and we are all free to share our stories. I researched a lot about breast feeding I came up with a whole lot saying that breastfeeding aided intelligence; mind you not only breastfeeding. Also for you information I love my daughter as dearly as I love her brother; size for me is not an issue at all we all come in different shapes and sizes. Also I never meant that she was not intelligent I just said she started talking later than he did. Developing speech early does not connote superior intelligence – the say because they sucked for long the mouth is kind of ready to make sound or words earlier. I mentioned above in my previous comment that they are both brainy so I wonder what you read. My kids are my loves through and through.