Breastfeeding Issues: Is it just me, or do other Moms feel this way, but just don’t tell anyone?

Jennifer, I am surprised you feel this way. We are all sharing experiences and thoughts here not the laid down law or medical quotes - and we are all free to share our stories. I researched a lot about breast feeding I came up with a whole lot saying that breastfeeding aided intelligence; mind you not only breastfeeding. Also for you information I love my daughter as dearly as I love her brother; size for me is not an issue at all we all come in different shapes and sizes. Also I never meant that she was not intelligent I just said she started talking later than he did. Developing speech early does not connote superior intelligence - the say because they sucked for long the mouth is kind of ready to make sound or words earlier. I mentioned above in my previous comment that they are both brainy so I wonder what you read. My kids are my loves through and through.

Consolata-
I take great offense to your comments about breastfed babies being more intelligent. I wasn't able to breastfeed due to the fact that I have to take anti-seizure medications which are passed into breastmilk therefore making my milk toxic. My first born son is 3 years old but most people think he is 5 years because of his size and speach . My daughter is 19 months old and is stringing together 3 and 4 word sentences, she is also tall for her age. This dispells your idea that breastfed babies are bigger or speak earlier than their formula fed counterparts. The reason my children are so verbal is I read to them and with them. I talk to them and teach them. I am also concerned about the comments you made about your daughter, you imply that she is inferrior to her brother in both intelligence and size because she breastfed for 5 months less than him. Every child is different and develops at different rates.

I breastfed my two babies. I did not enjoy the act in itself but I enjoyed the fact that it allowed me to enrich my babies nutritionally, emotionally and most especially physically and mentally. I did not go the the doctor in the first 12 months for ear infections, colds or any of those childhood infections child get all the time and this was due to breastfeeding my tow babies. My tow kids are very brainy and sharp - studies have shown that breastfeeding improves intelligence/ brain function in children. My son breastfed till 15 months [He was very big baby because of this]- I tried to stop at 12 months and he went on a one week hunger strike I had to resume breastfeeding immediately based on my doctors advice and went on till he was 15 months. He was a hungry baby he could breast feed for two hours at a stretch. I devised various methods of breastfeeding at night [you don't want to know them] so I could get some beauty sleep. My daughter [second born]was different kettle of fish entirely, she used to suck in very short bursts of 10, 20 0r 30 minutes at most - she was a light eater. I battled to keep her on the breast till she was about 10 months, She was quite indifferent to the whole breastfeeding thing and all baby cereals or formula for that matter... how ironic considering what her senior brother had out me through.
But from their sizes now you would definitely know who loved the breast; he is 4 and wears size 7 clothes [ His is not fat just tall, thick and strong] while his sister is 2 and wears her age appropriate clothes. My son started talking before his first birthday and my daughter at about 18 months - babies who are breastfed for longer periods have been proven to develop speech earlier. All in all the major benefits are good health, emotional stability and mental alertness.

It is hard and sometimes it just plain sucks but it's the best thing for your baby. Perhaps, moms who have breastfed are sanctimonious about it but it does come from a "this is the best choice for your baby" place. There were many times that I wanted to quit. I had cracked and bleeding nipples and every other breast ailment in the book but, like you, I was determined to stick it out because it was the healthiest choice for my daughter. I feel bad for the woman with the c-section because I understand it inhibits the hormones that assist with milk production. I hope she's able to produce. I think with patience, it will happen. I had a friend who never carried a child in her womb but adopted 2 children and nursed them. Now, THAT's determination.

Your post reminded me of a recent article, "The Case Against Breast Feeding" that appeared in The Atlantic Monthly (it's by Caitlin Flanagan). It's controversial yes, and definitely worth reading, given the way you've been feeling. You aren't alone!

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against...

@Kaja sounds like Raynaud's or vasospasm http://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/mom/nipple-bla...

Well.. I am a bit late on writing this,.. But here it goes.. yeah it's hard at first.. my mother said that when I was a baby.. I would nurse for an hour... every 2 hours... for the first .. oh .. 3 months..
But my experiance was a bit different. I didn't have any trouble with too little milk.. maybe too much at first anyways. But SORE!! yeah I was sooo soo sore. I thought I must be doing something wrong.. but apparently .. at my appt.. they said all was good.. And to try to use some lanolin.

But I did have some problems. I had horrible pain when I would go outside into the cold. I mean crippeling pain in my breasts. Later I think maybe I had had mastitis or something.. But get it checked out if you are having problems! Better safe than sorry.. and well despite those issues in the start.
I went on to nurse my son 2.5 years. And well there was no way I thought that would ever happen. But I have the most healthy boy ever.. and am pleased with that.

Now I am awaiting number 2.. due today.. and probably won't nurse as long this time, But we'll see! At least the first year is my goal!

You've probably already made your decision, but I just wanted to let you know I've so been there. I hated breastfeeding, but knew it was best for my kids. I was so glad when my milk dried up with my first son at 3 months. I don't care how rare it is, I wasn't producing enough. I only stuck it out that long because we really couldn't afford formula, but I hated every minute of it after the first couple weeks.

With my second, it took much less time for me to not like breastfeeding. He couldn't latch on properly, we had many feeding issues, and then once we got those straightened out, he wanted to nurse EVERY.FREAKIN.HOUR. And he'd spend about 20 minutes on each boob. I had about 20 minutes out of every hour to myself 24/7. So the bottle it was.

(((HUGS))) from someone who's been there. It's ok, and you can bond with your child. My boys both still prefer Mama when it comes down to it.

I felt pretty much the same way in the beginning, but I had so much support from family and friends who kept telling me how much easier it got. I know that you had to stop because of your medicine, but since you wanted to know how others felt, I figured I'd tell you. I was not feeling the bonding and it was a struggle for me at first, too, but it really did get so much easier after a few months! I LOVE breastfeeding now and am so glad I stuck with it. It actually makes things easier for me because I hate when I don't get enough sleep and I never have to make bottles in the middle of the night!

My baby boy is 13 years old not but I could have written this. In fact I could have written your preg and labor sign beginnings too--it is so similar. And the loss of placenta/hormone induced tears and despair.....!!!! Anyway about the bfeeding--I too had a barracuda baby boy. Perpetually attached to me. And I didn't get much out of pumping. A barracuda baby means sore nipples very quickly. In fact I had scabs. So I'd put a hot washcloth over each breast before I got started. To this DAY my husband tells the story (and we laugh and laugh) about how at 10 days or so he went to the pharmacy at midnight to get some lansinoh ointment for me. There was a line. A lady was arguing about a bill with the pharmacist. There were about 8 people in front of my hubs. Finally my hubs shouted, "Lady, you won't get this resolved. In the meantime my wife is at home with a new baby and cracked nipples and I need help!!" He got ushered up to the front real quick by everyone.
Anyway, after 2 weeks or so it got better. A lot better. The nipples healed up. Let them air dry with breastmilk on them. I then introduced him to a bottle of my milk (by bottle I mean a few ounces) at about 5 weeks. This was because at 6 weeks I would have some outpatient sugery and needed to pump/dump for 24 hours, plus at 12 weeks I was going back to work. It worked best to have the hubs give him the bottle, not me. I would eventually add a little bit of formula to the bottle to give him a little more. We eventually got a routine when I went back to work of breastfeeding at dinner time and bedtime and middle of nighttime. My son was same weight as yours and my 3 sons have always needed to double their birthweight before they slept much at night. So now I am getting into the sleeping topic. He barely slept for the first 3 months. He would sleep if I drove the car but I was really a daytime and nighttime zombie. And then it got better and better.
Second son 20 months later--nursed like a champ for 10 minutes at a time and went back to sleep. No nipple soreness. I was so thrilled he was quiet I did not care that he woke me up to eat every 3 hours. And I know it is not comprehended--having a son 13 years old seems a lifetime away, but even when he was little we looked back and said it was so, so, so hard for those first three months with the bfeeding and the non-sleeping but it was such a small length of time now that we think about it. I am sure that you already know this and you have been given some great advice to help out you and others but always have water bottles for you around the house and finger food munchies like carrots, those sandwich tortilla roll up things, etc. Watch your favorite shows, read magazines, chat with all your girlfriends. I would eat my dinner with baby attached and who cares of lettuce falls on his head. We women are fabulous and soon you can go tinkle with baby attached, make food and do stuff. Find someone to do sling wearing demonstrations for you. Feed baby in car and then walk around and shop with baby Monkey in sling. It will soon be really, really fun in the fall!! OK, enough for now.

Don't feel bad, I had the same issue...I tried to breastfeed and found it frustrating. My daughter was constantly hungry and I couldn't get more milk, she was always crying because she was hungry!! the doctor kept on saying that you have to keep on trying and trying, that the more breastfeeding the more milk will come out...which I did for about two months, on the third month I decided to change to bottle. I just couldn't put up with it anymore because I knew that my baby was starving, the doctor told me it wasn't a good idea but I wasn't going to keep on trying at my baby's hunger. After I change to the bottle, it was wonderful! my baby stop crying so much, she was sleeping better, she was happier (obviously because she wasn't hungry anymore) and she was able to eat all that she wanted. So I agree with the fact that breastfeeding is not everybody, listen to your mother's intuition and if you feel that it's not working out for your baby, then change to the bottle. Don't feel bad, is better to have a happy and healthy bottled baby than a cranky and starving breastfeeded baby.

Kira - You had ME in tears reading your post. I'm so glad that you were able to figure out what works best for you and your baby because that's all that matters... and I'm realizing that more and more.

I do agree with you (& this isn't meant to offend anyone on my blog at all) about some breastfeeders seeming so superior over others. It really irks me and makes me feel like a bad mom, especially because I haven't given up yet and I'm still trying. Thankfully I've gotten really good feedback from everyone on my blog & on twitter & I'm so grateful that there have been more supportive comments than the alternative.

I don't care what anyone says... BFing is difficult in the beginning. I can't tell you how often I just want to throw in the towel, but something inside me makes me stick it out. Now I'm not sure how long this will last, but I'm doing my best & my baby is getting fed & that's what matters in the whole scheme of it all.

I commend you on doing what you needed to do to keep your sanity and have a happy baby. I've been there crying when he was crying bc it just wasn't working out. It's an awful situation, but one that I hope keeps getting better.

Anyways, thanks so much for putting your story out here & thanks for being on my side :) I really appreciate it!

Wow, 93 comments before mine...that's a lot of feedback!

Breast-feeding just isn't for everyone. And you are right, there are die-hard breast feeders out there who make bottle feeding mothers feel terrible about it...been there. My first baby, I didn't breastfeed at all - there was a medical reason for this, but it is private, and I'd prefer not to share why. Other mothers would be talking to me and just assume that I was breastfeeding...when I said that I wasn't, they kinda glared at me and waited for an explanation as to why I wasn't. I guess I just feel that it was none of their business, but unfortunately, many times I spilled my guts because for some reason I felt obligated to. I wanted to breast feed him, but I couldn't. So, when my daughter was born about four months ago, I was eager to try breast feeding. This time, I was able to. The first few days, I did really like it. I did feel that we were bonding in a different way than I had been able to with my son. Now, I don't know if the novelty wore off or what, but I ended up not liking it much at all after those first few days. My daughter was a lazy nurser who nursed for long periods of time, she was jaundice and had to be on a bili blanket and I was nursing her non stop to try to get rid of that, then I got a yeast infection on one of my nipples that burned like crazy when I nursed (and I had to get a prescription for both of us to fight it), I have big breasts, so it was hard to get comfortable when feeding her, she was colicky, so I was told to give up milk completely - and I love milk products. Now, had she been my first baby, maybe I could've overcome these obstacles. But, all this on top of no sleep and trying to entertain a 3 year old was taking its toll on me. One night, I went in her room to feed her. She wouldn't latch on properly, her hands were in the way, she was screaming, I was getting milk all over her and me...I got so frustrated that I had to put her down in her crib and walk out of the room and just scream and cry. It was at that point that I decided I couldn't do it anymore - I made it 3 weeks and 2 days. The next day, I called the pediatrician's office to ask where to start to switch to formula, and the nurse made me feel horrible about my decision - and believe me, I was already feeling like a failure for quitting BEFORE I called them...now I was sobbing because I felt even worse. (Man, I'm starting to cry now just remembering how I felt that day...think maybe I'm still a little post-partum?!? lol) Luckily, there was a lactation consultant at the hospital who I called next, and she was so understanding and made me feel so much better - she told me that it's just not for everyone, and that it doesn't make me a bad mom. She was so soothing as I sobbed to her over the phone. So, now, when I feed her with a bottle, I try to look in her eyes and talk to her and bond with her that way. I feel it is a much more enjoyable experience for both of us. I, like you, do not want to be judged. I AM trying to do what's best for my baby...so, she could have breast milk and a mommy who is about ready to fall apart, or she can have formula and have a well balanced and well rested mommy.

Now, Jane, I don't tell you this because I think you should give up. If breastfeeding works for you - YAY!!! But, if it doesn't, it's okay. And, to answer your question, you are definitely not the only one who feels the way you do. Take comfort in knowing that many of us moms have been there, and we are on your side, no matter what your decision is in the end. Best wishes!

I also could have written this post. I stuck with it through sleepless nights on the couch with my baby sleeping on our My Brest Friend. I suffered through using a nipple shield and then weaning him from it. I went through not wanting to leave the house for fear of nursing in public. Now, I thank goodness I stuck it out. I also considered pumping and bottle feeding. It gets better and faster and easier and wonderful. I hated bfing at first and resented my son for the lack of sleep and pain. I resented my hubby for getting sleep since we rarely pumped milk for him.

at 8.5 months my son nurses 5-6 times a day, once in the middle of the night. He only nurses for 5 minutes and only on one boob. It is amazing that 8 months ago it took over an hour to feed him and he nursed a billion times a day.

If you stick it out you will be so proud of yourself. And nursing in public is no big thang once you figure it out. I have a post about the right nursing attire if you need some help trying to be discreet.

Stacey *hugs* about the c-section. If you haven't already, check out http://ican-online.org or http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BirthAfterCesarean/ Having had a cesarean is probably contributing to your supply issues, it 5 days after mine until I got any milk. Have you tried domperidone? You'd have to get it shipped from Canada, but it works wonders for many women.

Jane, the women you're finding who exclusively pump use double, hospital grade pumps & they pump every 2 hours, day & night until they have a very good supply established. I won't say it's impossibly, but it's very, very unlikely to develop and maintain enough of a supply to exclusively pump, or even just part-time pump, with a typical single breast store pump.

There is a post I've been wanting to write for over a week that would be the perfect reply to your thoughts.

You are not alone. I have to fight the feeling to stop breastfeeding almost every single day. I did it for 6 months with my first child and I'm currently 3.5 weeks into it with my son.
Cluster feeding is my nightmare! We've tried combating it with pumping and feeding him a bottle to help fill him up but it seems it just shifts his schedule and we end up cluster feeding at another time. Or he just continues to cry, wanting to suck and cuddle. It's the worst when it happens in the evening. I spend the entire time my daughter is home from daycare nursing my son.

The good news. I talked to a lactation consultant yesterday about the volume thing. She told me to ignore the volume I get when pumping for 2 reasons: 1) you most likely produce more for your baby than you will for the pump and 2) your body sometimes compensates for volume by increasing the amount of fat in the milk.
Another suggestion to help let down when pumping was to either eat some strawberries or suck on a small piece of chocolate. I'm going to try the strawberries later this week and I'd love to know if you try it.

Stacey -- It is told in a lot of breastfeeding classes and through LLLI that if you've had any procedures done, especially a reduction, that it can and will affect your production. So i would perhaps say that the ones who say low production isn't possible just dont have ALL of the facts. Remember that every woman is different..period. You're doing the best you can so keep it up!! And good luck!!

Stacey - Congrats on your baby!! I'm sorry to hear how emotional the c-section and breastfeeding has been for you. It's sounds like you are doing the very best that you can and that's all that matters. Keep your head up and I do hope that your supply increases. Good luck to you!

Just wanted to say it is possible to have issues with production. Our son was born Friday and we have been struggling since then to breastfeed. I had a reduction surgery about 3.5 years ago and it has made things very difficult. I'm determined to keep trying. I've had enough people grabbing and kneading my breasts and nipples in the days since he was born to last for a lifetime. Because of the surgery, getting him to latch is incredibly difficult and I'm producing a whole 1/4 of an ounce (if I get REALLY lucky) after a 30 minute pumping session with a medical grade pump. This is with medication to help with milk supply.

I just wanted to post so others would know this is a possibility and its NOT an excuse to not breastfeed. I would be thrilled if I could do it and have poured tears for the past few days trying. Bawling your eyes out with a c-section is not a fun experience! After reading through some of the comments on here last night, I bawled some more thinking not only am I having a hard time, now all of these people are saying low production isn't possible....which not only makes it my fault but makes me feel that much guiltier every time he cries and I can't provide what he needs.

Jane, if you're worried about your supply: only pump to store in the freezer, not to supplement Monkey with bottles. Also don't supplement with formula. If you continue to do what you're doing right now your milk will be gone before you know it. Pumping does *not* equal nursing.

And I really don't understand why you two/three get up every time in the middle of the night. Just take Monkey in bed with you, so you only sit up whilst nursing him (both dozing), or, if you feel uncomfortable doing that, get a pack-and-play, place it on your side of the bed, sit up, pick him up and put him back straight afterward. There's no need to change him, unless he pooped. Diapers these days will perfectly hold until the morning. We did that after the first night - she never ever cried, because I picked her up before any of us were really awake.

Some other life savers: give Monkey to Tarzan when he is in the shower. You'll have your hands free to do something else and it's great for father-son bonding. Also: no need to run him his own bath.

And, for nursing getting easier: my little girl is 10 mo old and still nurses up to 8 times a day. She's finished in a couple of minutes though, so much easier and cheaper than formula. I would never have believed it would be so great now, looking back on those first weeks, when she wouldn't even let me go pee :)

I really wish you well, but I fear for your breastfeeding. I understand what you're going through, but you're not on the right track. Please try exclusive 'live' feeding for the first six weeks and only then reconsider.

Do what feels best for YOU and your baby. Don't let other influence your decision. A mum knows best and if its too much for you, bottle is fine too. There are plenty babies that grew up just fine on bottle. You've given Monkey the best of your breast and he's received all the colostrum to build his wee immune system. You will know what you want to do....listen to your inner voice.

So I'm new here- just found this blog and have been reading all the back stuff- its addictive!

Anyway, just wanted to share. Only 2% of women cannot produce enough breastmilk, a lot of them have hormone issues or something hindering milk production. For me, I have extremely low progesterone (not sure if you have that issue Jane or not, I saw the thyroid stuff) and after a bit my milk just stops. For my 1st baby we BF for 2 months, 2nd we got 4 months, my 3rd- only 4 weeks- each time I use lactation consultants etc- and all the tips/tricks to boost milk production, the plain and simple fact is a lot of women with my condition aren't even lucky enough to make milk at all, and I should just be thankful for what I can produce. But in all honesty- I truly think part of the reason I only lasted a month with my 3rd was the overwhelming guilt I felt, I was trying to get as much as I could out, missing sleep and not taking proper care of myself because I became obsessed with trying to make it to at least 4 months. I think my obsession over it worked against me, I got so stressed out, each day I made less and less until I had none. So for this baby (I'm 30 weeks along) my goal is to go as long as I can, whether it be a week a month or a year- and be thankful that I did whatever I could for my baby. My goal isn't so much a time, but not to get so stressed about it, it overwhelms me and the joy I want to have with my child. That is my only advice, stick it out as long as you can, but don't let it control your life/emotions. If you have to supplement with formula - let Tarzan do it and take a rest, relax, sleep, etc, but don't beat yourself up.

And as far as it being enjoyable, maybe its because of my condition, but I've never reached the point where I've really enjoyed it. It gets easier yes, after the first month or so, but I've never looked down and been "this is the most marvelous thing ever!".

Thanks, devaskyla -This website definitely has some good links!

@Amy V I haven't had to work personally, but I know a lot of women who have. Most of them built up a large stash of frozen milk before returning to work & introduced a bottle around 4-6 weeks, just an occasional one with a size 0 nipple.Most pumped several times a day at work & nursed when at home, but some women do go to exclusive pumping, even though it's a lot more work. Kellymom has a lot of good info, I grabbed this link for you http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/bf-links-pumpin...

@Sarah Mastitis? I had that with my first. I got rid of it by getting a bowl of hot water, dipping a cloth in it & using it to massage the lump towards my nipple Cleared up in a couple days.

Jane, I'm sorry you're feeling so conflicted. I was in agony every time I nursed my oldest, from my cesarean scar &where they did the spinal on my back. I think I cried/whimpered everytime I nursed him for several months. Two things kept me going: the health benefits for my baby & the fact that we simply couldn't afford formula. I knew I had to make it work. I've never managed to love nursing, but I love watching my babies gain weight & knowing I'm responsible. I love little milky grins & watching my baby drift off to sleep while nursing. I love the convenience.

Sarah - Sorry to hear about your breast infection. Does it hurt? I do agree with you about formula - I, too, was formula fed 100% and turned out just fine too! :)

The part I struggle with is that I know that breastmilk is better for him, so naturally I want to do the best thing I can for him. That being said, I do not want to jeopardize myself if I'm truly miserable. Here's to hoping that it gets a lot better in the next 3.5 weeks so that I don't have to make a decision that I could regret. I want to love it so much, so I'm hoping that will come in time!

I had a bit of difficulty getting started and I honestly felt alot like you do now. My baby is 3 weeks old now and things have only been smooth sailing for about the last week - but now I've got a breast infection. Great.

Personally, I'm a big fan of the theory that if breastfeeding works for you, that's awesome, but it doesn't work for everyone. If you don't want to continue, don't. Formula is a fine substitute. At least, I was formula fed and I seem to have turned out alright.

Wow, thanks for all the great advice everyone! I am going to re-evaluate at 6 weeks. I would really hate to give up now and then regret it like so many of you said. It is nice to know that this is a "trying" time for everyone when it comes to breastfeeding.

I'm so conflicted with breastfeeding. There's one part of me that just wants to throw in the towel, but deep down, I know that I won't. The benefits are too great for little Monkey and I would kick myself in the as$ with regret if something ever happened to him later down the road.

I know all of the pro-breastfeeders might not like this, but I'm not opposed to supplementing with formula if needed either. I feel okay with this as long as Monkey is getting the majority of breastmilk. I will just continue on doing what I'm doing and trying to be better at it & then re-evaluate in 3.5 weeks.

Again, thanks for all of the opinions, advice, and real life experiences that you all shared. It is so nice to be able to post a concern on our blog and have people try to help us figure it out. You all are awesome!!

Jane, I'm glad you posted you real honest thoughts! I am expecting, due end of December, and am planning on breastfeeding. Some of the realitites of it scare me. I had a friend that just had her baby girl and her daughter would not take the breast but was hungry so she had to feed her formula. Scary! Anyway, despite my fears I'm definitely going to try it.

I do have a question for those of you breastfeeding currently or who did so in the past. I have to of course, go back to work. I will be home with baby about 8 to 10 weeks. But before I take the baby to daycare I'll need to get him/her started on a bottle. I plan on pumping the milk while at work. If everything I read says not to give them the bottle to soon so as to avoid nipple confusion, seems it'll be tough to do in just 8 weeks....but I wonder, did anyone still try to breastfeed if they had problems but by exclusively pumping then giving the bottle to the baby w/ the breastmilk?? I know, I know, the pump isn't as efficient as the baby is, but still, wouldn't that be better for the baby than just going to formula? Did anyone have to do this to get the baby used to a bottle if they were bringing them to daycare?

You have to do what is best for your baby AND you! If you are both frustrated then it's not best but I also feel like you should stick it out a little bit longer so you don't look back and wish that you tried a little longer. You're still in the difficult phase. Definitely don't feel badly about your feelings because I'm sure every single breastfeeding mom feels that way at least once.

Jane, Tarzan, I apologize for using your blog to do this. I was going to leave it alone, but I have had enough.

To the poster above me, the constant comparison of breastfeeding supporters to Nazi's is vile in the extreme. Until women (& men) who believe in breastfeeding start maiming, torturing & murdering thousands (or even any) people, every time that word is used you are diminishing the horror & pain of millions of people. Yes it's short & catchy, but some words refer to events so heinous that they should not be used lightly. So stop.

As for your ob he/she either isn't reading the research or is an idiot. Either way, I sure wouldn't trust them for medical care.

You are not alone in this feeling. I felt like breastfeeding was a complete chore and when I was teaching, I would have to spend every free moment in my office pumping. I would always tell my colleagues that I couldn't come to the faculty lounge until I was done being a cow. You completely feel like a cow. And you know what, it shouldn't feel like a chore- I felt like the happier I was as a Mommy, the better Mommy I could be. I felt really pressured by other people who were hardcore pro-breastfeeders like "this is what's best for her, so you better do it." That's not fair at all to put that pressure on someone, when will we start respecting people's wishes to do what's best for them? I had breast infections, had to get an ultrasound on my boobs, had a total fire/burning feeling for months, I mean it was ridiculous. Baby girl is 7 months and I stopped at the end of her 4th month and you know what? Life has continued and she's still alive and healthy. Shocker- huh?

Jane, I definitely feel you! I started hating breastfeeding around 1 month and my daughter is 4 months old and it's probably most accurate to call her a formula fed baby. Yeah, I felt selfish for wanting to stop, but the time, the constraints on your body and being the only one who could feed her took their toll on me. Who cares if you're selfish?!?! A happy mother = appy baby. If you're dreading it and starting to look at your baby with disdain every time they're hungry because you know you have to whip your boob out, give him some formula. It's not as bad as these breastfeeding "nazis" say it is...in fact, my ob/gyn (of 34 years might I add) is not sold on the benefits of breastmilk over formula...in his opinion, the data is inconclusive. We have enough stress as mothers...do what you gotta do! Good luck!

Hey Jane & Tarzan (and Monkey!). It's definitely normal to feel this way. But let me just chime in that pumping is no indication of supply! At all. Some women can pump millions of ounces and some women cannot pump at all. For me, personally, I never let down well for the pump-- it's never as efficient as your baby's latch.
It will and does get easier. Your baby will get more efficient and faster as he learns to latch and nurse better.
Good luck!

Okay, so there are like a million posts here, so I'm not sure my experience will help you at all, but I just wanted to let you know:

1. I successfully BF my #1 for a year. It was PAINFUL at first (cracked and bleeding nipples for 8 weeks- I would literally CRY every time he latched on) but once we got the hang of it it was great; very convenient and we did enjoy the bonding. He also took formula bottles once in a while when I left him with a babysitter etc...

2. #2 started out perfect; no sore nipples, tons of milk and I enjoyed the time. Then, from 7-10 months even though she was nursing A LOT, she was very fussy AND stopped gaining weight. I tried to supplement with a bottle but she wouldn't take it. At 11 months, I had to quit cold turkey because she was not getting enough nutrition. I actually had plenty of milk, but it was obviously not nutritious enough for her needs at that point. Needless to say we both cried a lot those first couple of days when we switched to the bottle (me-from the pain of the engorgement and baby-from not getting what she wanted). Also, as a side note, I did not lose ONE ounce of pregnancy weight with her until AFTER I stopped nursing; then it all just slid off...

3. So it is possible to have a good supply and then lose it or probably vice versa. It is also possible to have a very different experience with each child so even if you do decide to BF a baby, you may end up switching to bottles or doing something totally different the next time around. My sister nursed #1 and #3 but switched to bottle-feeding #2 after 6 weeks. 6 weeks is a fair amount of trying and also the benefits of BF are there and do make a difference even in that short amount of time.

I am pregnant with # 3 now after a BIG gap (my "baby" is 9!) and I am planning on BF and co-sleeping with a 3 sided basinet attached to my bed. But I know enough now to be flexible in my expectations and be willing to adjust my plans as we go along. I have been through A LOT of difficult experiences in my life and I can easily say that one of the single most difficult adjustments I EVER experienced was going from being me to being mommy. Once you get over this transition into parenthood, you will see that everything becomes MUCH more manageable and even very enjoyable!

Most importantly I strongly believe that being a happy and calm mother is the MOST valuable gift you can give your child. If you give BF a fair shot and are not okay with it, you will be doing Monkey a favor by giving to him in a way that does not leave you feeling depleted and resentful; but rather calm and relaxed. Good luck with everything! I'm sure you'll figure it out!

Being a food source is hard!!!

Oh Jane, please got to my blog and do a search for breastfeeding. I had such a hard time in the beginning mostly because baby wasn't latching (he was born prematurely.) Then once he DID latch it was cluster feedings which wore me out. It does take time to adjust, but it is really, really hard. And I recently weaned my boy only 3 months after he was born. I have been having PPD issues and I was soooo exhausted from going back to work full time and trying to keep my milk supply up (I'd pump 3x a day only to get enough milk for 1.25 feedings.) Everything got really overwhelming...

It came down to this: Yes, breastmilk is best. But what good is it if mom is too exhausted and unhappy to give baby her all? For me, I figured a happy, rested mom was a better gift to him. I am a lot happier not breastfeeding, but I do miss it sometimes.

You have to do what is right for you and your family. And I applaud you for sharing your feelings on your blog when people are so passionate about their feelings regarding BFing.

Hey there. Like one of the other commenters, I just kind of decided I would breastfeed my son for the nutritional aspect of it "as long as I felt like doing it" but wasn't really locked in mentally. It was pretty rough for the first few weeks, but once we kind of figured it out, I realized I really loved it.

Still, as much as I (eventually) loved breastfeeding him (which I did until he self-weaned at 9 months), there were ALWAYS times, even when he was bigger and I was totally into it, when I wished I could just hand him over to SOMEONE ELSE. I had some problems with pumping and so I was the EXCLUSIVE baby feeder. Please don't think you're the only one with that frustration of being locked in!

I am pregnant again and have been dreading that amazingly time consuming section of life, the first few weeks, where like you said sometimes it took over an hour for a feeding. And my lactation consultant had recommended we feed every two hours during the day.... (she forgot to add just "until your milk come in")... oh, I just wanted those three weeks of my life to do over.

Having said that, it really is true what they're telling you. I came to really love breastfeeding once we really got our schedule figured out (and I was getting more sleep)! In the middle of the night feeding (once we were down to only one), we would snuggle and I'd doze off on the couch afterwards, holding him. It wasn't really until about 3 months or so that I really got that feeling of intimacy you mention.

As an added bonus... the FREENESS ($$) of it. When he finally weaned himself, we were horrified at the cost of formula becase we'd saved SO MUCH over the time we WERE breastfeeding. Which, I'm sure you know that.

Obviously, if it is causing panic attack levels of anxiety or exacerbating any PPD for you, then it's going to be worse for you than it is good for him. Still, as long as you can hang in there, I encourage you to go for it.

I encourage you to stick in there at least to the end of his first month or so. As his sleep schedule changes, so will the burden. Presumably that will help with your level of frustration and "trapped" feeling, and allow any enjoyment for you to surface. It did for me at that point.

Hoping that this is the worst dilemma you'll face, so you can enjoy every day with your new lovie.

I just want to quickly respond by saying it is totally NORMAL to feel like this right now! Breastfeeding is NOT fun or easy in the first weeks. It's a difficult process for both you and Monkey-- but please give it some time to become easier and more comfortable. I PROMISE you, it does get better. I know that not every mom wants to BF and that's ok, but I think lots of moms quit too soon and miss out on the great parts. Those fast, efficient feedings will be happening before you know it. Right now Monkey's stomach is only about the size of his fist, so feedings are more frequent. Using a bottle is more like just pouring the milk down his throat. Breastfeeding is more natural, as the baby's belly gets a chance to register that it's full before he overeats (and then spits up- ugh)
Also, don't worry so much about not being able to pump very much milk. Your breasts are producing the right amounts for Monkey at his current size/ability to nurse. This will change quickly! Also, remember that a baby is MUCH more efficient at emptying the breast than a pump is. It's normal to only get a small amount at pumping, but that doesn't mean your baby isn't getting MORE than that when he nurses- does that make sense?
Breastfeeding is so different from what most people expect. People see pictures of mom's nursing contently and totally relaxed, chatting with friends or gazing into their baby's eyes--- this is not realistic in the early weeks, but it will come.
You are doing a GREAT thing for your baby Jane. I think once he's 6-8 weeks old, you'll see it was all worth it when you can pick up and go at a moment's notice and not have to worry about things like making bottles, cleaning them, storing milk and heating it.
This is the hardest part, hang in there:-)

If you really want to have a chance to keep breastfeeding, you have to stop supplementing. It's ok to pump & store it to try to increase your supply (just don't judge how much he's getting based on how much you can pump & remember at 2 weeks, even formula babies are only having 1-2 oz every 2-4 hours) either on one breast while Monkey nurses on the other or while he's sleeping, but every time you supplement, it's that much more milk your body doesn't think it has to make. Breastfeeding is entirely supply & demand. If he's not demanding because he's being supplemented, your supply will tank. I highly doubt he's starving with the kind of weight gain he had, it sounds very much like he's going through a growth spurt. During those, for a few days, the baby will want to eat nearly constantly & it will seem like he must not be getting enough. If you nurse whenever he wants, your supply will increase to match. If you supplement, you will eventually have to keep supplementing because your supply won't have increased to match what he needs.

I really hope this doesn't come across as unsupportive. It sounds like you're very conflicted right now about continuing to breastfeed, but if you quit, it should be because you decided to, not because you inadvertently sabotaged yourself.

I didn't love it until my baby was about 8 weeks old. Until then I breastfed him because I knew it was best for him and knew (because everyone kept telling me) that it would get easier. It's OK not to love it. It's OK not to even like it. Knowing that kept me going too. One day I realised that I LOVED breastfeeding my baby and it was the biggest most bonding thing I had ever done. It will take time (might be 6 weeks, might be more) but eventually it will get easier and more enjoyable. Until then, take each day at a time and reward yourself with a pat on the back after every day/week. I'll let you into a secret - I didn't like changing nappies... not even after 8 weeks or 8 months! Somethings just have to be done ;-)

Ditto TeacherMommy. I set small goals. 2 weeks. Evaluate. 6 weeks Re-evaluate. Ditto most posters about the first six weeks are tough. You are not abnormal with your thoughts. Not.At.All. You do doubt yourself unless you're one of those mommies that squirts like a faucet 24x7. That, uh, was so not me. I wasn't even a leaky faucet.

Your picture? I pumped very similar amounts at two weeks. I lived in "why bother" mode for a couple of weeks. But I kept feeding (cluster and all) and pumping every couple of hours. Breastfeeding is a committment and a heck, a job! Which reminds me, are you massaging under your armpit when pumping? If not, try it.

Shortly after the six week mark? I'd go into pump and all of a sudden, it was 2oz. Then 3oz. Man I felt I was Mary Milkmaid dancing the Carlton.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrObV84tD8g

Seriously! I thought I was the shiz! I think I even cabbage patched in my living room. Haha! However, I was still worried about my left boob. Left boob was my "snack" boob and the right side was my "dinner" boob. Turns out it's just normal.

It's like I told ya via Twitter, it's a personal choice. Truly. However, giving it a go for six weeks is a good goal. You two will find your rhythm. Heck you're still getting to know each other! It's nice to be able to just roll over, whip a boob out at 2am and doze while the baby feeds. Jis sayin'. :D

I think your feelings are pretty natural. Being home for two weeks, spending a million hours nursing and then pumping can take it's toll on the novelty of the situation. As I mentioned before I pumped ~3 months for my first son before he would latch. I used an Avent hand held pump because it worked best for me. When I would stress about the amount of milk coming out, it would always be less than if I simply parked myself in front of the television and pumped. Sometimes there will be little clogs in your ducts that will cause "time outs" in milk coming out. Then a lot of times you can get a second whoosh of milk. Just ask TechyDad, I used to sit on the couch or our bed and "Moo" while I was pumping.

Jane, you need to decide what works best for you. If you are not happy and things are stressing you out with nursing after a little more time, that is your decision. Remember, millions of kids are formula fed and thriving. Breast milk is wonderful but nursing is not always for everyone. . . this coming from a mom still nursing her just 2 year old son. Good luck working things out and "Moo!"

Give it time. He's only 2 weeks! I nursed my 1st so
for 6months and the first month was the hardest but I promise it gets easier! It's not realistic to exclusively pump right now. Of course you aren't making enough milk to do that. Your baby gets way more milk out by breastfeeding then you do pumping. If you want to increase milk supply pump a little after he feeds and start saving that milk. I always felt it was a chore but it was the first of many sacrifices I had to make. Give yourself some more time.They tell you to wait awhile before pumping for a reason. You can't realistically pump 8 oz. Right now espec. In the first 2 weeks! Your breast make what monkey needs right now which is about 2 - 4 oz. When I first started pumping at 3 months I only pumped about 4 oz. Both boobs.. But after few weeks started pumping 6-8, so give it time and make sure you are drinking lots of water! Give it some time! On a side note: formula is expensive!! Breastmilk free!

Oh P.S. Going through some of the posts, especially from Tarzan..I just went to a breastfeeding class two weeks ago. If Monkey is still hungry, they told us that you can add formula to your breastmilk (or supplement with a bottle) b/c perhaps right now he just isn't getting enough calories. A friend of mine had to do this the first week her little guy was home b/c of the same reason. Just food for thought..pun intended ;o)

Well I can't give any advice being I am almost 34 weeks pregnant but I am very passionate about wanting to breastfeed. On that note I also feel very passionate about you must do what YOU feel is best for YOU and your baby! It is no one's business how you decide to feed and nourish your child, and if breastfeeding simply isn't for you (especially after you've given it a fair shot), then good for you for trying, and you need to do what you need to do. Don't worry about people judging you. It's ultimately about your sanity and waht is going to work best for you and your little one. Hang in there!!

Been there. Done that. I was ready to pack it in by week 2. I felt guilty of even thinking of giving up. I called my mom in tears, fearing that I would be judged.

In the end... I was really stubborn and kept at it. By week 5, we had (sorta) figured it out and everything was much better.

I cried at 6 months when Ben started solid food... by 14 months, he was completely weaned (enjoying his sippy cup of whole milk much better than me!).

Give yourself a little while longer before you pack it in for good. It's hard...very hard. I felt like moms didn't talk about the challenges of breastfeeding either. Good luck + Hugs!

I'm in 3 weeks and 3 days. It still hurts. I want to quit but I know I won't. I feel like my Leilah deserves it. I wish I could pour up and warm some formula and I wish my husband could help more too. You are not alone. Good Luck.

I've breastfed & bottlefed ... you do what you have to do to survive. I couldn't handle going through all the breastfeeding stuff with my first child ~ it was just too overwhelming. I tried for about a month & it just wasn't working for us. I was trying to learn how to be someone's mom & what in the world this small person wanted from me - adding in being her sole source of nutrition?! It was more than I could handle. She acted like she needed more than I had to give & I needed to see ounces of liquid being eaten, I needed to know that the food was "there" and not "Please-Lord-don't-let-this-stupid-pump-die"!

With my second baby I had the chance to step back & make the decision that I wanted to breastfeed & could handle everything that goes with it. Now that I'm not stressing about getting her to develop at the right speed (sitting up, laughing, crawling, etc) I have more energy to focus on what I need to do for both of us to make the breastfeeding work. NOW I do love it (8 months in!) but the first month was fairly, ugh .... I felt like a human pacifier. I spent less time with my boobs exposed during Mardi Gras in college. I was soggy. I thought my nipples were never going to be normal again. She would make this face that I swear, she looked like a horny teenager about to get his first chance at a naked boob, it was almost scary. 3 weeks in I was exhausted and tired of being a human buffet table. By 6 weeks I felt better. By 3 months I was in love ... but not with pumping. I still HATE pumping. The day I can throw these Medela & Lansinoh pumps into a bonfire I will HAPPILY do so. (I have one of each - keep one at my office & one at home, I got tired of toting the Medela back & forth.)

The best thing I can tell you is to make a goal & then reevaluate your progress. If you aren't 100% sure you want to stop - aim for 6 weeks & see how you feel then. Then aim for 12 weeks ~ setting "One Year" is overwhelming ;) And if you decide to chuck it & go for formula, you can always try again with #2.

& Things I've Learned from Kellymom.com (great breastfeeding info site):
1.Your pumping output will never be as much as the baby can nurse - don't use that as a guide for how much you're making.
2.Easy way to build your supply & your freezer stock is to pump for 15 min after nursing 2 or 3 times a day. (You won't see much at first, but after a week or two it really starts to pay off. It helped me have an oversupply so that when I went back to work I could pump more than she needed the next day & I was able to stick an extra 5 ounces in the freezer every day, now when I have "off" days I have extra stored up. Whew!)
3.One boob will always produce less = my left consistently makes about 1/2 what the right does. Dunno, apparently it happens to everyone to some degree!

All I'm going to say is give it time. I felt JUST like you did. I absolutely HATED nursing to begin with. I promise it will get easier, it will get better, and more natural and little Monkey WILL get faster.

My son was a major cluster feeder too. I swear I spent ALL day with a boob in the kid's mouth until he was about 2 months old. But you have to remember they're in a CONSTANT growth spurt right now. 4 months later I can't see myself feeding him any other way (not yet anyways). I love nursing, it's the sweetest thing to get those beaming eyes fixed on you like you're the center of his whole world. And when he smiles(real ones) up at you with a mouth full of milk it's so funny.

As for production, that is a GOOD amount for only 2 weeks out. I only way able to pump about an ounce at two weeks. Stetson is 4 months now and I pump 5-6 ounces.

Just give it some time. How you're feeling is normal.

Hey all, it's Tarzan. :) I just want to chime in here and say thanks for all your replies to Jane. I've read all of the comments and laughed out loud a few times - almost waking Monkey while Jane gets some sleep.

I fully support her in whatever she does. For awhile I thought things were getting better/easier with breastfeeding since the other breastfeeding post we had written a week or so back. However, as you can see, things are still tough.

And Jane feels really bad/guilty many times throughout the day. We both know it's not her fault, she's not doing anything wrong, but both she and Monkey get noticeably frustrated - and for GOOD reason...

... Today Jane breast fed Monkey for a good 40 + minutes on each breast. After Jane was finished, we could tell Monkey was still really hungry and wanted more. I warmed up one ounce of breast milk and fed him. He guzzled it down. I was pretty sure he wanted more, but sat him in his swing to see if he would give any hungry signs.

All was clear for enough time for Jane and I to quickly eat dinner and baby Monkey was starving. I made warmed up another ounce and 1/2 and he drank it all.

Jane pumped before going to bed and she barely got 1/4 of an ounce total tonight.

It's been impossible to build up a supply of milk. I'm going to use up the rest either in the feeding I'm about to do - or the one after. (Then around 4 AM I'll go wake up Jane and she'll take over - which has been the crazy schedule we've been on... another blog topic for another day.)

The above situation - Jane breastfeeding baby Monkey for 20 to 80 minutes... only to have him starving after and me needing to warm up an ounce or two to give him after has happened many times.

But the milk supply in the fridge is about to run dry tonight. Jane will pump right when she gets up - hoping she gets more milk that we can store away.

So yeah, this is tough on the husband too. :( I feel bad for Jane because she's trying so, so hard. I hate to see her frustrated. She's doing such a great job. It's just her boobs that are being a little lazy I think.

I'm sure Jane will be on here later reading all of your comments since her comment and posting replies/questions/etc.

-- Tarzan

P.S... Jane and I were wondering earlier today... where's Peta!? Did you have your baby? You were due yesterday or the day before and your reply is missing on here! LOL I bet a big congrats are in order! Be sure to tell us the whole story!

Just wanted to add that I totally agree with Elizabeth. Monkey has made an awesome weight gain, so it seems unlikely you have low supply, more likely you're just someone who doesn't let down for the pump very well.