Is the “six weeks of no sex rule” after having a baby merely folk wisdom dating back hundreds of years?

Hi checkout the Monkey Spanker toy, it might help release the pressure until your back in action again. ;-)

Why is it that mostly women are commenting here? Where are the baby daddys?

Answer to the question: My understanding is the 6 week rule is to give Mommy a chance to heal physically AND emotionally. For some women getting back in the sack is more of a mental challenge then a physical one. If you think of it from a guys perspective, she just pushed a bowling ball out her hoochie, and her breasts have taken on a life all their own lately, it can be really difficult for a mom to view herself has sexual again, let alone pretty. For other women, we can't wait to get back at it. Personally, i find it very helpful in fighting the post partum depression. Regardless whether the new mommy chooses to listen to the 6 week warning, it is important to make sure the bleeding has stopped or mostly stopped before messing around too much. Especially if the L&D was particularly traumatic. If you jump the gun, you could end up not having sex for longer then the 6 week period. Best of luck!

I waited 7 days :)

My oldest son is 2yrs 7months and we jus had our 2nd son...I think I waited the 6wk period with jashawn but not with javion...after everything was said and done I'm nervously waiting to see if I could have gotten pregnant again...I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that I'm not.
This was a repeat c section for me and I don't think I'm ready to have another c section after having my son so soon

BTW...do not breast feed and use birth control pills...I did and it caused my son to have rickets, vitamin d deficiency and a calcium deficiency...if I'm not pregnant I'm getting that mirena put in ASAP

I just delivered my baby 16 days ago and hubby and I are already having sex.
I had stitches, and I believe their dissolved already...
(this is my first baby)
I wasn't in pain at all, just be sure your really "into it"
;)
&& of course use condoms

It's awesome to see Jane ready to go. Nursing has totally killed my drive. However, we waited about 4 weeks before trying. I waited until all my stitches were gone before we did anything. Once they were gone we tried and OUCH, it's literally like you're learning all over again. After that we waited a couple weeks until after my 6 week appointment. It slowly starts to get better, but it hurt for a little while. The doctor will probably explain that to you. It could take months for things to feel normal again.

4 months later, I feel great and everything feels better then it did before! lol

Oh, and just as a warning: breastfeeding dries up your natural vaginal lubrication, so lube is your friend!

Think about your wife's point of view: your wife's vagina has literally torn apart from stretching a human head around it and pushing a human body through it and you want to have vaginal sex? Birthing a baby is as physically demanding as running a marathon or getting hit by a truck (the aches and pains! ), so that's amazing that Jane is ready to go!

There's SOOoo many other types of sex than vaginal sex; you could have a rocking great time without penetrative vaginal sex- think creatively, I'm sure you'll come up with a few ideas!

I don't think we waited for the 6 week rule with any of my 3. The lochia only lasted about 3 weeks or so and I never had any tears or stitches. Plus there's other stuff to do as others have said. With 3rd baby we waited just 3 weeks. Not like we went all night or got crazy.
I may have missed something but I am not understanding all the shifts. I found out how noisy babies are so I ended up sleeping in another room since my baby liked to nurse all night long. I remember nursing on left then right then left. But mine cried all the time and it kept him quiet. I could sleep too on my side at same time. I recall the pump was way more vicious on my nipples. At around 4 weeks I would nurse on one and pump on other at same time, or pump after he was done. The rich milk is at the end of pumping session. I kept my little bags of pumped milk in freezer and husband used them for when I wasn't around after about 5 weeks. Shopping for 30 mins in grocery store was fantastic.

My fiance and I held out for 4 weeks when we had our son... we barely it to that point!

With Braeden, my firstborn, I vaginally delivered and waited for the 6 weeks...but around 2 weeks, I had a postpartum infection so that influenced why I waited so long. With Ashlyn, my most recent delivery, I waited a whooping 10 days! But I had a c-section and healed very quickly!

With both of my first postpartum sexual experiences, it was slightly uncomfortable....but by taking it slow and using lots of KY, it can be enjoyable. Girl on top is a good option at first so that Jane can be in control of the situation.

I also must agree with a previous poster that the BC pills aren't necessarily the best option for breastfeeding moms. I have heard many women say that even the mini pill gave them a decrease in their milk supply....and they aren't as effective and need to be taken religiously at the same time every day. After getting pregnant with Ashlyn when Braeden was only 5 months old, I did lots of research on effective birth control while breastfeeding. I ended up deciding to get an IUD (Mirena), which is well over 99% effective and lasts for up to 5 years. I was a little freaked out with getting an IUD at first, but I am so glad I decided to get it. It has had no influence on my milk supply, and the only side effect was a week of spotting after insertion.

I have 3 kids. With the first, we waited a little longer than 6 weeks. With the second (who is 1 year younger) we waited like 5 days... i was ready- i hadn't really had sex since my second trimester. of course that was a bad idea because what happened at my six week appt? I AM PREGNANT! oh crap! well it all turned out for the best because now little Liam is a part of our family.. but i would highly suggest waiting till you feel ready and even then use precautions!

Well with our first it was about not quite six weeks. We had our 6 week appointment scheduled about 5 weeks. As soon as we were given the okay we were ready to go. Unforutunately this time I think it may be longer than six weeks. I'm a little over two weeks and not healing very well. They say six weeks but I think it's a matter of how your body is healing. Ha ha also the "waiting it out more" has a lot to do with it. 2 is plenty. I told my hubby I would get mt tubes tied and he said he would. He said I'd been through enough. So I'm going to see if there is something other than bc pills that are more effective (my son was a bc pill baby). If another form doesn't work, I don't care I'm going to tie them. Wonder how an IUD effects milk supply. Anyway, we are so ready for the 6 weeks to be over.

You may want to reconsider the birth control pills if you are breastfeeding. You really can't use the "normal" BCPs while nursing otherwise they could cause your milk supply to go down. Some people take the mini-BCP but they are far less effective (so what's the point?) and you have to take them at the *exact* same time every day. There is no flexibility at all with them, which is really hard to do with a newborn. So I'd have a backup birth control plan! Here's a link with more information:
http://kellymom.com/health/meds/birthcontrol.html

@Jessica - there are two different Annes on here ! I am the first one, my kids are 13 months apart, my post natal appt was 6 weeks out, I got pregnant again when my baby was 12 weeks...so not the first appointment, but sooner than expected ! (and I don't recommend it unless you have lots of help)

@Anne: lol does that mean after your first you went to you appointment and found out you were pregnant again? Or I read that wrong...

I couldn't wait the full six weeks. I gave in at week 2 with megan (I have three stitches that dissolved within a few days) and 10 days after Kaylin was born (no stitches). But I insisted on a raincoat. Just take things very slow.

After my 1st was born (over 10 years ago) I waited 5 weeks. A year later when I had the 2nd one, I waited 4 weeks. Then, last year when my youngest was born the hubby and I waited 3 weeks and 6 days. For me, I just felt ready!

@everyone - thanks for the comments and info!

@Jane - make out, huh? Hmmmm.... Too bad you just went to bed. :(

@Tatiana - Yeah, it's GREAT to see Jane's sex drive coming back, that is a good sign of good things to come. ;) I agree about the trying, but Jane is all about waiting until after the appointment. Grrrrr... That's OK. I made it through the first few months of pregnancy, I'll get through the next couple of week.... I hope. LOL

I think that if Jane feels ready, you should try. It's not like she can't say "You know what, this isn't comfortable for me, I'm not ready yet." I know several women who have had sex before that 6 week appointment -- whatever works :)

Although I must admit to some jealousy that she has some sex drive back already! I still can't find my groove, but I'm getting there. Slowly :P

Ella Jane - Thanks for asking how I'm feeling about this whole thing... Surprisingly I'm ready to go! ;) I will not be partaking in the, uh, penetration part of things until I get the clearance from my OB. My appointment is on the 28th, which will actually be 5 weeks and 1 day from the day I delivered.

I like the thought of just doing it when my body is ready and I do feel ready, even as tired as I am. The only things that are stopping me:
1. I was told not to & I'm guessing she speaks from experience or something...
2. I have a couple of stitches and want to make sure those are gone and healed...
3. I want to make sure that the area as a whole has healed from the "trauma" of my son. LOL
4. I'm scared to death to get pregnant, so I want to wait it out a bit more

And I've told Tarzan that after I get back on BC pills, I can assure him that I will never again forget a pill! And he's been told that he will wear a condom until the pills have been taken for a few days. There's no chancing it!

I could not imagine getting the news that I was pregnant at that appointment. I would probably have a heart attack. On. The. Spot.

Anyways, if it weren't for those few things, I would jump on my husband instead of answering you back. But until I get "clearance", I'm all for asking like high schoolers and making out!

Most midwives say whenever the woman feels up to it. I know one woman who felt up to it before she even left the hospital. There are some risks, but mostly it's a whether the woman will find it painful or not. I hate the six week rule because some women are ready earlier, but many aren't ready until later. Much later. I know some, including me after a horrific cesarean experience with my first, who aren't ready until 6 *months* or more. I think the "whenever you feel up to it" idea is far more useful, whether that's 6 hours or 6 months.

Everyone's body is different but if you two were awake enough to be into it then I hope you did something. Really don't miss that chance again! I am not a crazy sex hungry person but I believe in the power of an intimate relationship in helping you stay close and bonded, especially with the lack of sleep and stress you're under. Like some of the other people said above mess around and take it slow. I waited 7 days with the first one (I was 18) and 11 days with the second one (I was 21) and 2 months with the third one (I wasn't that into him anymore).
Good luck.....no go fool around before Monkey wakes up.

We waited 4 weeks the first time and it wasn't pleasant for me, after 8 weeks was much better. Then we got pregnant again, our 1st and 2nd children are 13 months apart... After the second child I don't really remember as I was a stay at home mom with a newborn and a 13 month old and no help...and no sleep ! This time around I think we will wait 8 weeks for the while shebang...

I dont know what my doc says yet (Due 9/18) but even now he only gets it once or twice a month lol. My friends kid just turned one year old and her and the DH havent had sex since BEFORE he was born!

My doctors said it was between four and six weeks to wait. My appointment was 4.5 weeks after birth at which point I had an IUD inserted and my doctor gave me the okay for sex!

Just wondering... how does Jane feel about all of this?

It's mostly how mom feels. Stitches make it a bit harder and I have to admit I'm not sure what the rules are there. In a no-stich circumstance it's no so much the healing the doc worries about but that fact that right after you have a baby, mom is very fertile and thats why a lot of women turn up pregnant at their 6 week pp. You will normally be given your options for birth control at the pp visit. At my office we recommend 6 weeks but it's not normally a rule. We tell mom that when she feels ready and to be aware that the first time will possibly be painful or uncomfortable and sex certainly wont be the same as it was before the baby.
I can't say for sure about the stitches, but I would guess it would depend ton where they are. 6 weeks is nothing though. When I had my cryosurgery and LEEP procedure I wasn't allowed to have sex until I stopped shedding tissue (gross I know) and then 3 weeks after that. So for the cryo that was 8 weeks and the LEEP 12 weeks. After the LEEP I was not interested in sex for a very long time, I hurt for quite a while. I think I ended up waiting almost 7 months,.

I say trust your own body. If you heal quickly as I did then it's between you and you. I 'm for the 6 weeks since I'm usually so tired and not especially horny when I have another human sucking on me all day long but if you feel like it then by all means do it. People who find that they're pregnant at 6 weeks postpartum must have known and subconsciously made a choice. I think in America there's no excuse for not knowing what may result from unprotected sex. I've seen doctors smoking before. I wonder if they all follow their own advice to the letter. Probably not.

With my first son, we waited the full six weeks. This time around, we waited about three weeks.

We waited until after my 6 weeks appointment to go all the way. With that said, there's nothing saying that you can not do ahem . . . other things to pleasure each other. Personally I hurt bad from the episiotomy and stitches healing. Things were not happy after for many months to come . Nursing can make a woman very dry - so that along with scars did not mix well. It took quite a while for me to feel 100%. Thank goodness that was not the case after my second birth. I healed a lot quicker and things were not really painful. Still having a newborn and being so tired did not help my sex drive.

I know several people that conceived another child well before the 6 weeks. Heck one is only 10 months and 2 weeks younger than the older sibling. YIKES!

Just remember that it may take a while for things to get back to normal. We waited more than 6 weeks with both kids, and with both kids, it was awful awful awful for me for several months.

On the other hand, if it doesn't get better after a few times, Jane, go see your doctor. I had delivery-related problems that led to painful sex after both pregnancies, but thought that it was just how it was supposed to feel. When it hadn't gotten any better after half a dozen tries, I saw my midwife. She got me fixed up quick! I only wish I hadn't waited so long for it to get better!

My youngest is 5, but we waited. DH is (was) really fertile before his vasectomy. But his cousin didn't wait & when she went for her 6 week check up she found out she was pregnant again. Twins this time.

I had a c-section, so... my risk of infection was mostly a bit higher, and the bleeding (lochia) was enough to put me off from actual sex. However... I'm going to second Shari and say that we went through with the "everything but penetration" part for the majority of that six weeks. I think the first time was about a week in? It was like being a teenager again! HA.

Also, my husband got a lot of... um, this is a family blog, so I'll just say *personal attention* from me during this time. I totally agree with the book "Babyproofing Your Marriage" on the point that bj's are completely underestimated by women. They call them the "Five Minute Fix" and I absolutely agree. I still use this a lot to this day. When daddy's happy, so am I. :)

http://www.babyproofingyourmarriage.com/blog/?p=5

It's been 18 weeks since I gave birth and I still have no interest---soooo from being back to work full-time and taking care of our little guy. My husband and I are still very close and he is really understanding about the whole thing. I think we last had sex before I hit my third trimester!!!

I admit the first two we waited the 6 weeks. This 3rd child we played and had fun without the entire intercourse with penetration part. Still had fun, and relieved some stress. When I saw the doctor at 6 weeks he asked me if we had had sex and I said no and he laughed. I asked why and he said most don't wait like he asks and thought it was unusual I did. Not going into details, but you still can have everything but the penetration part if you can't wait.

We didn't wait for six weeks after each pg. We waited until I was feeling up to it.

Oh wow, you did a whole lot more research than we did! I always thought, they SAY 6 weeks, we'll do what we feel like. But my midwife was so serious about the 6 week thing and shuddered when she mentioned others who had gone earlier. Since Iknew that she knew what had gone on down there a whole lot better than even I had, we trusted her and waited until exactly 6 weeks! We saw her a few days later. She asked how it had gone, and I admitted that it was a lot more sore and uncomfortable than I had expected

, and she said that probably the second or third time would feel a lot better and improve from there (as long as we gave it a few days break in between). They have. While we waited for six weeks, we did some of the things from your link #2 (after all our baby was born a week before Valentine's day). I had almost forgot about that, so there was some repreive for DH and helped us regain some of the coupleness.

Ahem. I am totally writing under an alias today! As for the pregnancy thing. I've had a few scares, especially with being irregular due to breastfeeding, but no pregnancy, thankfully. I miss the free and easy days of pregnancy, but we are hoping for at least a two year separation between kids and feel that it would be hard on everyone to not be careful until a better time.