As a father of 4 kids, I consider myself to be a fantastic father. Soup to nuts, that's me. No problem with any of it at all. I work full time, have a wonderful career in Real Estate. I love the blog however, my comment is a question: Why is it that I am reading so much, encountering at BBQ's, social gatherings and etc, about women who are just done being full time care taker for their children? Always needing help if they have to take out the trash, brush their teeth or wiping their ass! Example would be, "would you please watch him/her why I check my facebook account?". Always looking for help. Always needing a break. I met one women who spent a week on vacation and needed another vacation when she returned because, she said, " The kids were just too much". I see it over and over again. Ironically, these are the same women that couldn't wait to be pregnant. It was all about them, all about having the baby. Picking out colors, beds and etc. When the baby came, all hell broke loose because it wasn't about them. It's about the baby. Do they lose their identity? What are they afraid of all the time? I just don't understand it. I have always embraced my children. No matter what, checking my facebook account, brushing my teeth or wiping my ass! Kids aren't a lot of work or the problem. It's the self-centered, narcissitic and needy mothers/parents that make it unbearable for themselves. They are the one's that have another agenda when the their own kids need them most. It's ridiculous to watch, hear and see the way these types of women act. Granted, not all mother's act like that and those women should be celebrated. They should get a free pass and unconditional support from their partners and family. The world needs women who want to be mothers. Nuturing their families, making a house, a home and providing guidance through the chaos of raising children.

@Leah ... Uh oh. Sounds like you may have a lazy one. That "I work all day and I'm tired" can only go so far. When you're working 10 times harder all day taking care of a new baby, you're going to need his help and support. If all else fails, sit him down, have him read this post, and if that doesn't work, let me know and I'll write another post to snap him into fatherhood and be a real (and helpful) man!

Man I have to tell you that I am terrified that my husband is going to be a bump on a log when our baby arrives (which should be in about 4 weeks). His current argument for not even taking his dishes to the sink is "I work all day and I'm tired." Soooo how's it going to be when we have a child?! Anybody have any surprising success stories about their husbands magically manning up?

This post is great! Your wife and son are very lucky to have you. My husband and I were very young when we had our first, and he has been a great father to him the past two years of his life. He would stay up at night and allow me to rest as much as much possible the two weeks after my c-section. And kept helping whenever he was home after that. The first thing he did after work was take the baby and give me some free time. He is amazing, we are expecting our second in two weeks. I know he will be great, and I have no worries cause he doesn't mind diaper changes.

Well, I guess it is telling that most of the responses are from moms, not dads. (Any?). I had a great example of a father who was very involved and I'm doing my best to follow. We've got a 2 week old beautiful boy. We're both exercising our Family Leave rights and taking 8+ weeks off. Frankly, I can't imagine wanting to do otherwise. Of course, it helps to have a wife whom I have a real partnership with. Who wouldn't want to spend time with their newborn? Both of us are serious professionals but will hate going back to work! As for changing diapers, the minute it takes pales next to the time my Jane puts in breastfeeding! I actually enjoy it, b/c it's such a tangible thing I can do for the piker. I hear my wife's horror-husband tales from her coworkers with newborns and toddlers and I find them as baffling as Tarzan did!

BTW, this blog has been great for us, giving us a 2 week preview of what's to come!

I know a couple people with husbands like that. Not mine! I'd say he does MORE than I do in terms of baby care and house upkeep. I can't remember the last time I went grocery shopping.

One thing that really irks me is when a man says he's 'babysitting' his child. AAARRGGH!

Good for you! Keep it up. ;)

This is a great post. My boyfriend if one of those "I work, I don't need to take the baby too." That ended really quick. It was an on and off battle to change diapers, to hold Stetson while I shower, ect. When I would run errands I would get texts "It's meltdown city here, please hurry. "

Well, one night I was having a really hard time getting Stetson to bed. He wouldn't get down and I was getting frustrated and tired. Of course, I was getting no help. Instead he'd tell me to "relax". And get mad at me for getting frustrated...So that night with Stetson laying in bed, crying, I told him to deal with him and went for a walk. I came back an hour later, Stetson was in bed asleep. And I got an apology and I haven't had to fight with him to take Stetson since.

YES! I have some girlfriends who have recently had babies and I am FLOORED when they say that they do all the work. And while my gut reaction is to say, "Make your husbands help!", it shouldn't be the wife's job to do that either.

I am so thankful that my husband will be right there with me 100% when the time comes to MAN UP. And we hope that time comes soon!

My philosophy is that my husband's job is to take care of me so I can take care of the baby. He does a pretty good job. He's cooked supper 90% of the time since my oldest was born. He pretty much waited on me for the first few weeks of our oldest's life since I had a cesarean & it took ages to recover. He does the dishes about 25% of the time (maybe more), does most of the vacuuming, takes out the garbage, did 85% or more of the packing for our recent move, takes the older kids out most of the time when he goes anywhere, lets me sleep in with the baby if I need to, holds the baby while I have a shower (sometimes, our oldest usually does that for this baby). He will change diapers if I'm not around, but he's on disability for his back issues & diapers are hard on his back (so's holding the baby for any length of time, but he still does sometimes & ends up in agony for days).

He's never given the kids a bottle, but I've exclusively nursed all of them. He gets me multiple bottle of water a day, though. :) He's never gotten up in the night with them but then...I almost never have either, maybe 7-12 days for each child, mostly around the 6 week mark (the joys of co-sleeping). I don't go anywhere without my baby, not because he couldn't handle it but because my baby couldn't. Especially the current one, who sobs hysterically the minute I leave his sight unless he's in a *really* good mood & has done since he was born. The older two turned into complete daddy's boys around about 2 years old, though, so I'm pretty sure hanging out with me until they chose not to hasn't harmed their relationship with daddy at all. :)

On the other hand, there was a woman in my ddc whose husband needed a good punch to the head. She had 3 year old twins, a newborn & was recovering from a cesarean & he expected the house to be clean & supper on the table every night starting pretty much the day she got out of the hospital. He did absolutely nothing around the house or to help out with the baby or the older kids.

Exactly!! Reading about absentee "fathers" who don't even deserve to have the title of "father" makes my blood boil!

Since the father is 50% responsible for creating this baby, they are 50% responsible to care and raise the child. And the mother enduring all the physical pains of pregnancy and childbirth needs to count for some % of her responsibility, so really the father should be doing over 50% of the work because he's physically unencumbered (his vagina didn't tear, he doesn't have postpartum pains from birthing a bowling ball).

good post! I have an in-between husband. he's great when motivated to do so, or forced to do so like right now when I'm at work (and should not be checking blogs....), but he often needs a push from me to help out. honey can you change Ellis' diaper, honey can you feed her a snack, etc, and don't ask "right now?" when I ask you to do something relating to your daughter.

I never doubted he'd be a good father, and he is a good father, but like I said, he often needs to be "encouraged" to help out. I hate that he misses out so much of her life because he sleeps in on the weekends & I'm up at 7am with her. I think to myself, doesn't he realize how cool & funny his daughter is?

in defense of my husband, he is NOT one of those horrible men who refers to taking care of their children as "babysitting". also in defense of my husband, and certainly not an excuse, but he has found himself in the depths of alcoholism (he just confessed to me Thursday exactly how bad it has gotten), which has stripped him of all the wonderful qualities he used to have. along with his confession, he has said he needs to make a change because he knows he's on the verge of losing his family, his job, his house, everything. I hope he can bring himself back & be the husband & father I know he can be.

I think that once I return to work after maternity leave, my DH and I will share baby duties.. But for the first 6 weeks, while he is working 10 or 11 hour days, and I stay home, I must say - I think its right that its ME doing the nightly things - waking up with the baby at night, changing her in middle of night, etc.. There would be no way for my hubby to help out with the all night duties and then get up at 5 AM to go to work till 4, when I am staying home all day and can (and I do) sleep when she does.

But we do both have the mutual understanding - once I am back to working my own 9 hour days, its time so split up those duties :) And I do hope he will continue to NOT be a lazy father! Amen !

Heck, my husband showed me how to diaper and burrito-roll a baby. He did sleep at night though but would get up with me to see what was going on. One difference is that most dads have to report to an employer at a certain time in the morning so I did want him to get some sleep, plus I breastfed on demand at night and maybe finished up with the pump. Once I went back to work we were on equal footing as far as having to be at a job and function.
Other subject: does your dog like dog walks? Our dogs loved associating the new baby and the stroller with good walk times because we increased the time out doing doggy walks. Something to look forward to when it gets cooler out...

Okay, time to brag. My guy is just like Tarzan! He helps out with everything & I rarely even have to ask. The only thing he hasn't done in the 8 weeks we have been parents is bathe the baby. He's always there helping me do it - squeezing baby bath onto the rag, getting the tub ready, etc - but I do the actual bathing, which is no big deal.

He even watches the baby once every 3 weeks so I can go out to eat Mexican & have a margarita with my girl friend. And on his first day back to class - he's getting his DOCTORATE, which means the classes are very tough - that night, he is going to watch the baby while a girl friend of mine and I go to a rock concert (Nickelback, Hinder, Saving Abel, and Papa Roach) for a few hours.

Yes, I know I am blessed, and so are you Jane.

Great post. I will say that sometimes it is exhausting to be doing all the childcare and housework myself. Especially now that I am almost 19 weeks pregnant and we have a 1 year old..

You are definitely 'not' the norm when it comes to husbands/fathers and kudos to doing such an amazing job. You (and some of the commenters) have pretty much said it all and I couldn't agree more with you guys. There are some great fathers/partners out there, but there also seem to be a lot of lazy fathers who think that because they work, they shouldn't have to help out with the new kid.

The only slightly negative/positive thing I can really add is about the woman whose husband called half hour after she left because he didn't know what to do. I'm not saying it's the case there, but I've known a few new mothers over the years that have been obsessed with making sure everything is 'perfect' with the baby. Everything has to be sanitized, done just so, the baby has to be held just perfect, changed just right, etc. They don't want to let others touch or hold the new baby, etc, and unfortunately, that's actually included somewhat pushing the daddy out. They were so "in control" of it all that the new daddy wasn't really included in much and then he really *didn't* know what to do and it wasn't necessarily because he was being lazy, but just because he wasn't taught anything along the way. That's more the fault of 'both' of them (her for being so controlling and "perfect"/clingy about everything, and his for not pushing to be more included and learn more), than it is just him being lazy. That's a minority of cases, though.

Yeah I know a bunch of fathers like what you decribed and their wives are either oblivious or they are desparately unhappy and physically and mentally exhausted. Growing up my dad wasn't very hands on at all. He didn't change nappies or babysit, I dont even remember him playing with us or cuddling us when we were little. That saddend me and I knew that I'd one day marry someone who'd be a very hands-on dad. Someone who'd stand up and take responsibility for being 50% of the Parenting in our household. and I did just that. My hubby loves his girls, loves playing with them, being silly with them, cuddling and snuggling with his girls. They are the apple of his eye and the girls think he's a Super Hero. Why would any man want to miss out on this kind of love? Why would any man not want to be worshipped by two beautiful redheads? Make that three redheads :-)

I loved this post so much I just HAD to Tweet it.

I'm sitting in my hospital bed, laughing at this post, although admittedly, I almost feel bad for doing so (you just write it so well!)

I'm really not worried about The Husband being the "lazy dad". He's been so helpful so far, staying with me, driving 40 minutes to let our dog out and then driving back so I'm not alone, helping me out of bed because I'm whiny about getting up and sitting down, asking me every 5 minutes if I need anything or if he can help - all the while he's suffering from some severe back pain (probably a slipped disc, which is not being helped by sleeping on the pull out chair in my hospital room).

I wonder how some men can take the lazy route - don't they want to be an active part of their children's lives? Don't they want to help nuture and cultivate the type of person they'll become??

Very well put. I know very few fathers who are like this but the few I do know should definitely read this. I don't know how single moms (and dads) do it. It's amazing that they are able to do it on their own. My husband helps very much. We have a two year old and he mainly helps with her. I'm not saying he doesn't help by any means. I don't know how far I would get without him changing her diapers, helping me cook, clean and just help me keep my brains (seriously something happened to it the moment I had my daughter and hasn't gotten any better with my 2nd), emotions and sanity. I wish every man were like this. If he doesn't change my sons diaper it's not because he is afraid, it's because he's most likely changing my daughters diaper. I definitely have to applaud this post. It's great to know Jane has a loving father and husband to support her. I wish all moms could have their spouse/significant other to back them. It makes parenthood much easier when you have your loved one back you up. I'm definitely not saying parenthood is easy. But, I will say it would be much more difficult if you have your child and a Man who is a child child at heart who not only acts like a child but who acts like an adult when needed (like being a father) and a Man is a child not only at heart but when it comes to his children and responsibilities. I would never change my husbands child like qualities (I think it's what makes kids love him so much), but I don't know what I would do if he was a child in every way. It makes me sad to think (of course, being 2 weeks post partum may also be part of it too) that any person could put themselves before their children. So bravo to you for speaking out on this.

GREAT post Tarzan! This should be required reading for all new fathers!

Thanks for all the great comments everyone! It's GREAT to hear about so many of your husbands manning up!

@ashley... I've talked about single mom's a lot on previous posts and comments in the past. Single moms are the strongest people in the world! My hat goes off to you BIG TIME for keeping your head and not settling for someone who isn't going to man up. :)

I think this is a great post too - my sister was just telling me about a friend going through this. They both decided they wanted to have kids, and now have two (he also pushed her to have them closer together), and he doesn't want to bother with them! My sister was saying how lucky she felt because her hubby is always so helpful with the baby - he even changed more diapers in the hospital than my sister did! And as a result, you can see the bond that my niece has with both my sister AND her husband. I think you're both doing an awesome job, and I'm so glad you are pointing out that parenthood is definitely a two-person job!

Thank you thank you thank you for this post. Your wife and son are so lucky to have a man like you in their lives. I wish all men thought this way....but then again, I wish all men actually started acting like men and not immature, selfish boys. (me, bitter? noooo.) haha :) I'm a single soon-to-be mommy already dealing with someone that should 'man up' as you would say. It's hard, but you know what, I'm a strong woman and don't need someone not willing to try anyway. All women deserve someone that thinks like you in their lives. Good for you!

O.Em.Gee. Tarzan this post made me laugh and almost jump off the couch and high five the air (i'm almost 9 months pregnant, hence the *almost* lol).

My husband is a wonderful guy like yourself! He was with a girl years ago who came up to him after they broke up saying she was pregnant. He did what any good guy would do and took care of her. After she had two beautiful twin girls, anda month passed, she left him to care for the children by himself, b/c she didn't want to be a "mommy". How terrible!!! He did in fact MAN UP and took care of those angels. And then found out a year later they weren't biologically his! *Gasps*!!

We've been together for 6 years now, married for over one, and are expecting our first son due at the end of September (though there are signs he could be here any day now). He is SO excited, and is already MANNING UP! (love it!!) So i feel very fortunate to have him, as he's a wonderful husband and I know will be a wonderful father! I have some friends whose husbands/boyfriends/baby daddy's don't, and i feel so terrible for them. To me i think it's just pure laziness and a superior attitude.

But guys like YOU will break this cycle!! Keep it coming!!! *cheers and claps*

One of my best friends has a husband like this. Through 3 kids he still only helps when its time to play. After her last one she had frequent horrible headaches where she could barely move and he would just sit on the couch and ignore her AND the baby AND their 2 others. He will only ever take their son out with him and thats because he's potty trained.
He's a jerk and I want to smack him so hard sometimes. I have noticed that a large number of fathers are like that or if they do help they don't seem to do much. I feel so lucky to have my husband. I actually see a lot of parallels between us and you two, our relationships seem to be very similar. My husband is aware that he may very well be a Mr. Mom and he's totally ok with that, in fact he's excited about it. He always talks about all the things he wants to do with our kids and I am still kind of shocked when I see what other women have to put up with.

I wish more men were like Tarzan! Jane you should feel very proud and lucky. My husband was a lazy father, he used to say that he was afraid to drop her, that he didn't know how to change a diaper, and you don't have an idea what it took to get him to help me with the baby, and I know a lot of men are just like my husband so we have to encourage men like T. and give them the praise that they deserve. T. you are an amazing father and husband, and remember to teach your son to be just like you.

Great post, Tarzan! This is very true. I am very blessed to have a husband who believes in coparenting. He does work during the day while I take care of our son, but he shares the responsibility when he gets home (and on weekends!). I'm very thankful for him.

I know many friends who are in the same position as those ladies who were so shocked. So many of their husbands either refuse or are just plain clueless. I know one woman who disciplines, does overnight feedings, EVERYTHING, for two children under two. Her husband just sleeps and goes to work. It makes me mad just to think about it!

So kudos to you for posting this.

WAY TO GO! I am pregnant with my first baby and I know my Fiance will be everything I expect him to be. He is incredible. HOWEVER, I know many women in this situation. It needed to be said by a husband and a father.....thank you Tarzan. Advice for others, I would say sell the video game systems while he is sleeping on the couch. Sell the couch while he is in the restroom, if that is what it takes. Don't stand for it. Make him realize all of the moments he is missing, good and bad!

I know the shock she is talking about. Whenever I talk about how my husband takes care of our son women are shocked. I have postpartum depression so my husband took a huge load, let me sleep through the night, gets up early even when he's not off work until 3am! He's been amazing. Also I'm a stay at home mom, so whenever I need a break it's not an issue that he takes the baby, he loves it. Sometimes I think he just kicks me out so he can have some father son time! I have a friend who had a baby a few weeks after I did, and when her husband watches there kids they refer to it as him babysitting, and it's not a joke!!! My husband gets so heated about it, and I just laugh because I know how lucky I am!

Good for you T!

Good for you, Tarzan! I just wrote a blog entry about how I believe my husband is going to be a great dad because of how amazing he was with my nephews when we took them to the zoo on Monday, so I don't have fears about him being like this, but I know DH would feel the same way you do. We're a little scared of what the future holds (I'm 34 weeks along w/ our first), but I'm certain that he will be a man, no matter how difficult it is. (And we know it's going to be WAY difficult!)

Oh, man, you just described my ex-husband to a T!! He refused to do anything with the kids (we have 2 together) until they were walking and talking. And I am NOT exaggerating here. My current husband is very similar to you Tarzan. Granted, we do not have a baby YET, but he helps out with the kids and the house to help me out!

Kudos to you Tarzan for posting this and for Man-ing UP!!!

My husband is awesome with our babies - he has always changed diapers, get them out of bed in the morning, change diapers, get them dressed, in the tub, anything! He encourages me to go out and he'll watch the kids, he really, truly is super dad - there is NOTHING that he won't do when it comes to his kiddos. I have also heard the horror stories of lazy turd dads and I don't understand how they can not want to take care of their sweet little babies. Anyhoo - my hubby is a rockstar when it comes to the kiddos but he sure can't keep the house clean AND take care of the babies like I can! When I come home the kids are taken care of and in bed but the house looks like it threw up. lol. I supposed I'll take what I can get! :)

Great post! My husband and I are expecting our first in Feb. 2010 and he has been nothing but helpful since the day we found out we were expecting! He refuses to miss an OB appointment which I am thankful for because I'm always so nervous. He's told me that when the baby comes he wants to do as much as I do (I plan on breastfeeding, he obviously can't do that) but with changing diapers and getting up in the middle of the night he's totally there. He makes sure I sit down in the evenings with my feet up and holds my hair back when the dreaded nausea hits. He is beyond excited for this baby and wants to be a huge part of its' life and I literally thank God everyday for him!

I totally hear you Tarzan!! I am expecting my first in Oct/November and my husband is the one who is staying home after I go back to work. He's scared to death, but you know, we both know that everything will be fine. It's a learning experience.

I'm lucky to have a super involved dad (well, Mom was lucky! She never had to change a really gross diaper, he did it) and I imagine that whom ever I marry and/or have children with will do the same...

While I understand that more likely than not it's the guy who's being lazy - and I freely admit that it's more often than not the case, I'd like to caution against being harsh and judgmental because I have seen several of my friends and family not ALLOW for their partners to help. If you don't offer the chance, how are they supposed to learn.

I actually had the following g-chat conversation with a friend (who I know is the type to do it herself so it's done "right")
Friend: He doesn't do anything. He's no help. This baby was his idea!
Me: Are you letting him? Or even asking him TO help?
Friend: Well, no. He should know I can't do it on my own.
Me: Oh, he's a mind reader now?
Friend: Well, no.
Me: Then how is he supposed to know that you need or want help. I've seen you with the baby, the second he cries you jump up and don't let anyone help. Hell, I've offered...and got turned down. Let him try.
Friend: What if he does it wrong?

Is there a wrong way?

I have to say that I am SO glad my hubby (TechyDad) is nothing like this. He has been amazing. He always puts the boys and I first. When I had the little ones he took care of me, stayed up with the kids, fed them pumped bottles, diapered, burped, cleaned up diaper explosion clothing and let me cry on his shoulder. It shocks me that not everyone is this lucky. I guess I just knew he was special. The best part, my brother is the same way with his wife and daughter. They are having #2 in February and I can not wait to watch him juggle two ;)

Tarzan - I dunno, I'd just tell him to man up lol. I think at least the husband could change diapers, it's gross but it's something that anybody can do and let's face it, it takes like 5 minutes TOPS.

Amen!!!!! Very well said and straight to the point....I love it :o) Most men have ALL of those excuses and what they fail to realize is that it only puts more burden on their wife and makes her more exhausted and overwhelmed!!! First time Moms are learning the same way Dad's learn and don't they think that mothers have some of the same fears. But they have NO choice but to dig their heels in and go for it and learn first handed. It sure is nice to know that you have a supportive husband who wants to help out with the upbringing and caring of their children....not only the pleasure of making them. You are a good man, Tarzan and Jane is VERY lucky and keep up the good work. Babies need to bond with their daddy's too :o) Very well put and hope that other fathers who are "lazy" MAN UP after reading this post. You guys seem to be doing a great job from what I have been reading. Love your blog :o)

Thanks guys! Now I hope not, but there may be some readers out there who have husbands that fit into this category. I have a feeling they may not comment here, but will be reading all of the comments by everyone. Maybe help them out?

Do you know anything someone could do to help turn a lazy father/husband into someone who is more supportive and active with taking care of his baby?

Do you know anyone who had a lazy husband and did *something* to snap him out of it? If so, what did she do?

Together we can rid the world of lazy husbands and get all of them to... MAN UP! :)

L - Exactly, a marriage is a partnership with shared duties!! We split up the chores in a way that works for us, and it works GREAT! We are both not stressed out at all with our duties and are carrying along happily like nothing has changed (relationship wise).

I agree. I was blessed with a husband who never backed away from baby/child care or helping around the house. I had a csection (with all 3) and he took care of the babies from the second they were born, I have never even changed a meconium diaper, he did them all while I was recovering. He has never once called me for help or not responded to a baby's crying. He is still a wonderful dad now that we have growing boys.

This post made me thankful! What type of husband would sit around letting his wife do everything? My husband has done 99% of the cooking since I had our daughter 6 months ago. We have a combined 5 children by the way! He treats me as a partner, not as a slave! Kudos to all the husbands out there who share the workload!

Excellent post. :-) I'm a Mom of 2 boys with another baby on the way. I know I could use help here and there. It's exhausting.

Oh Man - you hit the nail Exactly on the head! I went through this with each of my children right from the time of birth (following a c-section with all of them) to now... I cooked, cleaned, worked, took care of the kids, and he sat there - only difference is I never got an excuse as to why. There are too many men in this world that still seem to think its acceptable for a woman to be a 'super hero' who's all too totally capable of doing this all on her own. I'm now happily divorced, raising my 3 children on my own - which is no different that when I was married, really.
I seriously have to commend you on a job well done for being the man you know you need to be. Jane is super lucky to have found someone like you and I wish you both the best of luck! I know though, just from reading your posts, that everything will be just fine and your little monkey has the best possible parents any kid could ever hope for!!!

Love this!!! Way to speak out for all the good fathers/husbands in the world! I know my husband will definitely MAN UP! (even though I am sure he will be nervous) and if he doesn't he will get an earful!! hehe Our little girl should be arriving tomorrow, we are scheduled for an induction!

Lori - I said the same thing the other day to T. I told him that he was a better parent than I was bc he's seemed to master burping Monkey & it's not so easy for me. He told me, "Don't ever say that, it's not true at all. I just have more experience with the bottle so far."

It sounds like you have an awesome husband too! We are both so lucky and hopefully our little boys will grow up to be wonderful just like their daddies!!

Rebecca - I hope your husband does read this & starts to put down the video games. It sounds like you have your hands full. Hope you get some rest soon!

WORD! My husband is a helpful husband like you, so I KNOW it can be done by at least more than one new father! My husband changes diapers, feeds Noah, watches him when I go out and cleans the house AND HE TAKES THE NIGHT DUTY. He also watches Noah while I make dinner. My jobs are to make dinner, pay the bills etc. and watch Noah in the evening so Matt can clean, surf the internet, play video games or whatever he wants to do with his evening. It's a bit easier for him to take on these duties because we formula feed, but there are still a ton of things the husband/boyfriend/whatever can do even if the mom is breastfeeding!

OMG -- Tarzan, let me be the first to thank you for this post. My husband thinks that because he works he shouldn't have to help out around the house or with my 2 step-sons (HIS boys) or the toddler. I'm on bedrest with pregnancy complications and he took a week off to "help out". Seriously? He's slept, played video games and is now out running errands that could have waited, leaving me alone with the toddler.

As soon as he gets home I'm going to force him to read this post!

Hell yeah--what a great post! Jane and Monkey are very lucky to have you!

People were so shocked that my husband took care of our son for 6 weeks while I went back to work (he is faculty at a university and he has summers off so it just made sense.) I feel very lucky that I have a husband who is so involved (he never missed an OB appointment, changes diapers, gives baths and bottles, has even done the dreaded rectal temp!) Half the time, I feel like he is better at being a parent than I am!