My mom is coming over on Friday night so that Tarzan and I can have a date night. I’m excited about spending time with my husband because it seems like it’s been forever. Shoot, it’s been forever since we slept in the same bed!
While I’m looking forward to getting out for a few hours, I’m not sure what we will do. I think I’d rather go into my bedroom, shut the door, and get some good sleep for once, but then I think about how important having a date night is.
Before getting pregnant Tarzan and I would have our date night every Friday night. We would go to dinner, an Astros game, movie, bar, to see a band, etc. It was something that was a permanent standing and I looked forward to it. Not until I had a baby did I realize just how awesome getting out is though.
I’m not sure what we will do this Friday night. I’m thinking it would be nice to go out to dinner. I think it’ll be nice just to put on cute clothes & heels and feel like a part of the human race again. Sort of an exaggeration, but staying at home with a baby and having spit up on me makes me yearn for a bit of normalcy from my “old” life.
Speaking of cute clothes & heels, I read something online yesterday that talked about ways to deal with postpartum depression without medication. Obviously, I went the medication route, but figured that the tips could help me too. One of the things that stuck out to me was that getting dressed everyday, fixing your hair, putting on makeup, etc, could help with postpartum depression.
Hmm…
I’m not sure how I feel about that. I do shower daily and when I get out of the shower I usually put on lounge clothes. There are days when I put on jeans or capris, but overall I prefer lounge clothes. Besides being a bit more comfortable, I don’t see a point in getting my nicer clothes dirty with spit up. Or napping in them if I fall asleep, which really hasn’t happened yet.
And wearing makeup or fixing my hair? Not so much.
I’ve been letting my hair dry without using a blow dryer. It’s easier and really, who has time to blow dry her hair right now, especially when you aren’t going anywhere? Not me. And I don’t even have a desire to do that, but I do wonder if these things would help with postpartum depression. Makeup seems absolutely pointless when I’m not leaving the house. I always wore just a little before and that was when I was going out or running errands… Never for just staying around the house.
So this leaves me with a question for all of you that stay at home with your babies – Do you get dressed like you are going out somewhere daily? If you do, is it because it makes you feel better? Or do you prefer to stay in lounge clothes? Or PJs?
And what was your first date with your husband or wife like after having your first baby? What did you do?
You might also want to read:
= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
I got dressed because it made me feel AWAKE, which allowed me to be functional throughout the day.
I do not get dressed. I don’t have the motivation. Really. I’m lucky to have dreadlocks and so I’ve just taken a no-maintenance unless I have to approach to them. So that’s hair. If I get to shower it’s a miracle, and while I may not shower, I do try to get out of my pj’s b/c I sit on the floor often & there’s dog hair everywhere… (Don’t want to take dog hair to bed @ night). So I’m usually in what I call “house clothes” all day. I recently had to go to New York for my brother’s wedding and it was the first time I’d done my hair, got dressed up and looked like a human being in MONTHS!!! It took a lot of pulling together. The first time hubby & I went out post- baby, we went to this dive bar/restaurant where they throw peanuts on the floor and had like HUGE beers. I pumped before I left and just had at the bud light, it was great.
I always shower, get dressed, and sometimes i wear makeup. I’ve slowed on wearing makeup just so my daughters dont think they NEED makeup when they are older.
I have 3 kids and though I stay home with them, we aren’t always home. Has been that way from the time I had 1 and she was just a tiny little thing.
Try to get out of the house… with your baby. Go to a park, see friends, see a movie, get coffee, go to a bookstore…
staying in the house all the time and feeling like what’s the point of getting dressed- that is depressing to me.
Try to find a playgroup or something to get you & monkey out of the house.
And when my babies are little, sometimes I wear cute sweats because it’s just more comfy
I rarely wore lounge wear, except in those early days when jeans were not an option. Now I always toss on my jeans/shorts and a shirt. I live in my Teva’s since I can run after the boys and stay cool in the summer. Of course, there have been a day here or there that the boys and I stay in PJ’s all day (especially in the winter). I think doing whatever is comfortable for you is important. Jeans are my comfort zone.
Hmm…I think our first “date” out after our oldest was probably a less kid friendly restaurant where we could go and relax. Of course, we also toyed with just staying home and sleeping.
I’m the mother of four and I think makeup is a consumer conspiracy, so is most fashionable attire. I’ve had a remote office for almost a decade, it’s easier to juggle work and kids from a real “home” base. Business attire comes in handy when I need to impress someone, but comfortable clean clothes are a must. It’s a good thing to impress Tarzan on date night, go for it!
What helps me deal with all types of moods and postpartum depression (I had it with my firstborn 25 years ago and then they called it the babyblues) is activity and a regular schedule or routine that keeps me busy with productive outcomes. Whether that’s taking care of a new born baby or a comforting a corporate brat, I make sure I allow myself enough time and energy to do something with positive results. Never forget, motherhood is the most important job. Congrats on your new bundle of joy.
I don’t get out of my jammies on my days off if we are not going anywhere. I don’t bother putting makeup on either. And my son is 11 years old! HA HA HA I guess if that kind of stuff makes you feel better then go for it. But if it just feels like more of a burden then a boost then just let it slide. You have enough to worry about right now. Monkey is not going to care if you put mascara on today or not. What ever makes you happy!
I always got up, got dressed, did my hair, put makeup on – even if it was with baby in a sling/wrap or in his bouncy chair beside me. And he was colicky…majorly! I made it work to save my sanity. It worked some days LOL
Hi Jane,In the early days i did not get dressed up but i always put make up on.Now its different my babies are growing up fast my eldest is twelve next is nine and my baby is seven,so i now have school trips every day so dress alot more casual now.My first date out after having the baby we went to a lovely italian restaurant and it was lovely nothing to hectic as we were both exhausted.But i laugh at you and tarzans blogs about people telling you what do ,your Mom about putting a blanket over Monkey.We came home from our first date and my Mom had given the baby a comfort blanket which we could not take from him for 8years but it worked great for us it helped him to sleep.No matter were you go you will have a good time but be aware of the you talking about the baby the whole time my husband still says today what did we ever talk about before having kids.Both of you have a wonderful night where ever you go after allyou have earned it
Our first post-baby date, we went to Applebees and had a few margaritas and appetizers (I formula-fed only). Then we went and saw that new Terminator movie. Our son was a week old. I cried when I left him in my mom’s VERY capable hands.
As far as getting dressed, makeup, etc? I shower every other day, but I don’t dress up. I’m always on the floor with my son or rocking him or walking with him…there is no need to dress up for those things. But right before my husband comes home, I apply a little makeup and neaten myself up a bit.
While I don’ t have any experience with PPD, I do have experience with depression, and I agree – getting dressed up, even just a little, did help me a bit. This probably sounds dumb, but it made me feel like I was gaining control over some tiny part of my life – my appearance – and for some reason, that did make a difference. Would I do it every day? No, it was too hard – everything is such an effort when you have a big black cloud over your head. But on the days I did it, it was enough to lift my spirits a little, and every little bit helps.
When i’m staying in i just wear lounge clothes, leggings and a cami top they’re comfy and by the end of the day they’re either covered in baby sick etc. I feel more relaxed in comfy clothes and i can move around quicker (much needed when you have 4 under 5 like me lol!) I hope you enjoy your date night and get a well deserved break xxx
I’m not a stay at home mom, but while on maternity leave I usually wore a tank top and jeans. Something I’d feel comfortable with going out in public as I usually took the dog outside at least once a day (we live in an apartment complex so there are always people around). I don’t “fix my hair” to begin with. It’s curly and doesn’t look any different air or blow dried, though I always do put product into it. Personally, putting on a little bit of make-up does make me feel a little better about myself, so I do sometimes do that when I’m just sitting at home.
I think a more important tip for the sanity of SAHMs is to get out every once in a while, even if it’s just to put your baby in the car and go pick up a drink at a drive thru or something.
Have a GREAT date night!! I bet it’ll be nice to get out. I haven’t written on the other posts recently, but I’m shocked that you were getting attacked. I would like to give you support any way I can and in the end, this is YOUR life and experience and I don’t think that is fair for other people to tell you/judge you about what to do when everyone is so different. Advice is one thing – judging is another! Besides – I seriously have never heard anyone growing up and saying their life was destroyed because their mom/dad did/didn’t do XXX.
I always do feel better getting dressed, although I take longer when I have the day off and don’t have to leave home. But, I can see how it can help some people. Again, though I think it depends on what your ‘past life’ was when it came to that sort of thing!
Have a great date night!!!
I feel better after taking a bath and getting dressed. I don’t do my makeup, but for me just soaking in the tub and being able to relax even for a little can make me feel better some. Also, sometimes even though we don’t feel like it getting out can be a stress reliever. Of course, if you’re sleep deprived sleeping doesn’t hurt anything. But if you’re not over tired being able to get out is wonderful. For me though, the things I used to do (going to dance clubs) just weren’t as fun for me. So we started bowling and doing things that just involved us. It sounds weird, but me and my hubby went to the park and he pushed me on the swing (and vice versa), then went out to eat. Date night for just you and your hubby not only can relieve stress but keeps you guys strong in your relationship (not that having a child doesn’t of course) when things can get so hectic. It doesn’t even have to be often. Just that once a month time can really help you in your stress. I’m very glad you can have a date night. Honestly, when I am in my lounge clothes it makes me want to do that (sleep and sleep), when I take a bath and get dressed I feel more awake and less exhausted. It could help with PPD, but with me it took meds and a lot of patience and time. It’s kind of odd. I knew I had PPD but my hubby said I struggled a long time with it. It took about 6 months for me to be my old self. But, I do know that me and my hubby going out helped me get to my old self. Have fun with whatever you do. Take advantage of this time.
My kids are 4 and almost 2 and I’m still in my pj’s today. Mostly because I feel sick and need a down day. Usually I shower/dress but don’t do my hair or makeup. Course I didn’t do my hair or makeup before kids either! I feel better when we get out of the house. From the very beginning when my daughter was tiny I made it a point to leave the house at least once a day. Even if it was walking around the block, I felt so much better. I go stark raving crazy ( and so do my kids!) if we don’t escape the confines of our four walls. Of course getting out if the house requires us to be dressed (not necessarily showered) so that could be a part of it.
I know that leaving the house feels like a monumental task right now, but the more you do it the easier it becomes.
If getting dressed every day was part of your day before, it might help. I stay at home with my one year old and there are days I don’t get dressed. If we’re not going anywhere, I don’t see the point – but I wasn’t a very “dressed” person before I had kids either, so the thought of putting on makeup and doing my hair to go out is more irritating than refreshing. Our first night out was to a friend’s wedding, when G was about 4 weeks old. We ate and danced (no drinking for me) and I found that by 9 or 9:30 I just wanted to go home to my baby, it was hard. I think I called my mom about 5 or 6 times in just a few hours. Now she goes to Grandma’s for the night on a Friday or Saturday (sometimes I just stay home and CLEAN) and as much as Grandma enjoys having her over, I enjoy my break. Have fun, you two
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As a stay-at-home Mom and having my in-home daycare I know the importance for me for getting up, showering, getting dressed, doing something with my hair and putting on a little makeup. It gets me going for the day. I have my days where I throw on my baseball cap and no makeup and sweats and I never feel ready to go for the day. I’m sluggish on those days. So having a routine and the feeling of being “ready” helps me through the days.
Enjoy your date night. (I’m jealous.)
My first post baby date…..I think I am still waiting on it and my last baby is 4 YEARS old. We dont get out much without the kids. I dont get dressed everyday, unless I leave the house. Why make more laundry?
DH & I didn’t have many date nights at all until our oldest got old enough to stay home & keep his brothers for a few hours. We’re military & both our families are halfway across the country.
As far as makeup & hair & all that, I shower daily (depending on what we’ve done & how hot it is, sometimes 2 a day) but I rarely wear makeup & most days my hair is in a ponytail. And it’s just easier & more comfy to be in PJ pants all day.
Well I can’t really relate to post-baby since I don’t have a baby just yet. But I do know that used to (as in about a year ago) I didn’t really care about my appearance and decided to change it. I started dressing up a bit more, doing my hair more, and wearing a bit more make-up. I was shocked at how much better I felt and people noticed my new-found confidence! So I’m sure, for me at least, once I do have the baby I will make a serious effort to get dressed, do my hair and make-up, even if it’s just me and the munchkin because I know for a fact that it makes me feel better.
I hope you and Tarzan have a fab time! You both deserve it.
I’m only 2 wks in, but I do get a shower every day (and might I add, every day it feels AMAZING). I get dressed, but if I’m not going anywhere, I don’t do makeup and hair. I do blowdry, if baby’s not crying. I do try to get out of the house at least once a day though, even if it’s only for a short walk with our little guy. He likes the stroller and Mommy needs to lose some baby weight. It feels good to get out, mentally and physically.
I can’t even think about a date night at this point. It’s way to soon. I couldn’t consider leaving him with anyone. Plus, I’m exclusively breast feeding, so I can’t be away from him longer than an hour or so. Plus, I know I’d miss him way too much. I could pump, but we’re only doing that if it’s absolutely necessary.
But I did feel like we were having a date night the other night when we were able to get the baby in bed and we cuddled on the couch and watched a silly movie. It was heaven!
Like Kellie said, I didn’t do hair and makeup every day BEFORE having our son, so that’s not really something that is different for me! I usually wear athletic clothes in the morning because I do the Wii Fit workout while he’s napping, and then after I shower I usually go for capri jeans and a t-shirt, comfy but presentable enough if I have to run errands or something. But on Sundays I often take the time to wear makeup and put on a dressy outfit for church, because it just feels good to do every once in awhile!
We had our first date night at home actually, when our son was about 7 weeks old. Our neighbors ADORE Kevin, and so their teenage daughter (who is so good with him!) took him over there for about 4 hours, and we stayed in and I had made a 5-course meal (to some of you that might sound like the last thing you want to do, I looove cooking and it relaxes me!) to serve on our new china that we got for our anniversary. Followed by the “6th course” in the bedroom
and then we just lounged and watched a tv show with no interruptions.
I haven’t had my baby yet, so I can’t speak on PPD. However, I did have a minor bout with depression in college. I discovered I felt better about myself when I fixed myself up a little. The last thing I wanted to do was shower and roll my hair, but once I did with a little makeup I felt a little more like my old self. I firmly believe it helped with my recovery. I suggest you try it for a week. See if it helps.
Enjoy your date!
i only wear lounge wear now that i’m pregnant & i’m sure that won’t change once the baby is born
I wear lounge clothes unless we’re going somewhere. I like to be able to get on the floor and play with my 10 month old comfertably. I don’t wear makeup unless i go someplace anyways so that also seemed silly to me. I shower every other day, until recently when I’ve started uping my work out now I shower every day. I don’t want to stink lol. I think the shower is key, it’s alone time for one and for two it no one feels good dirty!
I think more so then getting dressed or makeup is trying to somehow bring in a little of your old routine. If you took a shower in the morning every day see if T can watch him while you shower or schedual your shower while Monkey is napping in the am. But make a point to do that. Schedual in something for you.
Getting dressed/makeup etc. ABSOLUTELY helps me keep it together. I notice such a difference in my attitude on days when I just slop around in my pjs. I feel like I look…like crap. I don’t go all out obviously, but jeans/shorts, shirt (instead of just nursing cami), brushing hair, and mild makeup help me feel more presentable and keep me from hiding when the doorbell rings, or putting off doing any chore that takes me outside of my “cave”.
I just want to say that you are being a loving mom by getting the help you need. Making that phone call was a very strong thing to do. God bless!
First date, post-baby: We went out to see the new Star Wars movie and then to a restaurant for appetizers and beer where our waitress dumped my beer on me. The End.
Have fun you guys and good luck trying not to talk about Monkey all night while you are out!
Whatever makes you happy! If doing your hair and makeup does it for you, go for it. If not, find something else that makes you feel like YOU. And Tarzan. Enjoying each others’ company. Fancy dinner? Taking a walk together? Going to a movie? Whatever you need right now.
Hope you enjoy yourself and can relax together!
I have a 5 month old. Ever since he was born, I have gotten dressed daily in non-lounge clotehs – makeup, hair most days. I did not experience any PPD. I think I did it not only to feel normal, but also because I want my husband to still think I am hot! lol I didn’t want to turn into a frumpy mom and have him be like, oh look what happened to her!
Sounds like fun!!! I hope the two of you have a great time!!!
I just realized that in my comment I wrote Star Wars. What I meant was Star TREK. It doesn’t really matter. I still got a beer spilled on me.
Lori
I get up and shower and put on something cute, never lounge clothes. I dont always do my hair and makeup because I just dont always feel like it or have the time, but when I do get a chance it makes my day a lot better! I prefer to have my hair done and makeup on so I dont feel frumpy. I can understand how that would help with PPD. My sister went back to work 8 weeks after her baby was born, shes a hairdresser and gets all dressed up in heels and looks amazing before going to work, she never had a bit of the baby blues like I did!
I relate completly to it, and I think is great that you are going out for a date and I’m sure that it is going to make you feel so much better…I was a stay-home-mom for almost two years and in the beginning I didn’t want to wear make up, I didn’t want to wear nice clothes, I even cut my hair short so I wouldn’t have to blow dry it or take care of it, all beause of PPD, after a while my husband decided to take me to the movies and he encouraged me to go and buy new clothes, get my hair done, and I have to say that I felt so much better after that. Somebody mentioned to try to go out to park with your baby and stuff like that, I agree 100%, go out for a little walk or to the park with your baby or to the library and try to dress nicely, also, you can try to look for mom’s group and to meeth with other moms to share experiences, all that was very helpful for me and suddenly I was feeling better than ever.
Shower, getting dress, and any primping you would have done before baby is very important for depression help. If you fail to take care of yourself, it will affect how you feel about yourself. Some of my hardest days were helped by starting over with a shower, clean and comfortable clothes (usually jeans & cotton top), and makeup. It might sound weird but plucking my eyebrows always made me feel better too. I have thick, dark brows that can get quite shaggy; making them look good, made me feel good.
For our first date without our baby, we were supposed to go out and all, but we actually just ran errands and then came home and took naps.
It’s just, you know, running errands and sleeping are rare commodities around here…=P
I don’t have PPD, but I’ve heard the same thing, that just taking a little time for yourself makes a world of difference. It makes sense to me. After the first week, I thought I’d go nuts if I didn’t get some time to shower every day. Now I make sure it’s the first thing I do. I wake up before the baby does, I shower, then I feed her and get dressed. While she naps, I have about an hour to do whatever I want. Just getting that routine wherein I shower on my terms made such a huge difference for me that I can understand how it would help with PPD to some extent.
That said, I do think that PPD is a serious thing to deal with. Medication and family support are probably more helpful overall, even if primping helps a little bit.
I get dressed nearly every day, but nothing special, I’m still wearing maternity pants and larger tops that I had no choice but to buy since some of my pregnancy weight refuses to budge and I’m a size bigger than pre pregnancy still. I don’t see the issue with wearing jammies or lounge clothes now and then… in fact once a week usually I love to have a shower and then put on a clean pair of jammies for the day. If I’m staying home, what’s the big deal?
As for a date, my husband and I went to the Harry Potter movie and I spent the first half of the movie really enjoying it, and the second half of the movie wishing we could just go home and be with our son… I missed him like crazy and just wanted to be home with him instead. It’s the catch 22, you are dying for alone time with your spouse, and when you get it you are thinking about how much you miss the baby.
Stay at home mom… My answer…
I don’t get dressed unless I am going somewhere. If I am going somewhere, I’ll get dressed that morning after Baby’s first feeding of the day. If I’m not planning on going anywhere, I stay in my PJs… either all day, or until Daddy gets home. Depending on my mood, which reflects how the baby has felt for the day. LoL
I always get dressed & do my hair, which means I take off my nightshirt throw on a pair of pants & a tshirt, run a brush through my hair & either put it in a ponytail or put on a headband.
Never went on dates before kids, never been on one since them, either. There’s no one I’d trust to take care of my kids anyway. And the baby would be hysterical if I tired.
As a somewhat new mom and having had PPD myself doing the hair and make-up =’s big boost for the self esteem. Trust me.