Yesterday was the day I was dreading, but I was also hopeful at the same time. It was the meeting of a psychiatrist to help with my postpartum depression and I really had mixed emotions.
On one hand I knew that I had to get help so that I could be a better mom to little Monkey, a better wife to my husband, and be able to get through the day without beating myself up, which I’ve gotten pretty good at lately.
But on the other hand, a way more selfish hand, there’s something a little unnatural (at least for me) about talking to a complete stranger about your deepest, darkest moments. I don’t like how it makes me a certain amount of vulnerable either. But I focused on my son and the benefits and made my drive to the psychiatrist’s office.
And no joke, the second I walked in I wanted to turn back around and leave.
Let me paint the picture of the waiting room for you: Pale baby blue walls, 30-40 chairs thisclose to each other, and a very still quiet. The window to the receptionist was closed and there was a sign on it that said “Do not open”. On the wall in frames there were signs that said, “After signing in, take a number”. I thought this was weird and when I arrived I was the first person and no one told me to take a number. I couldn’t even see where the number was that I was supposed to take.
I arrived at noon and my appointment was at 12:30pm. I filled out tons of paperwork and wondered why they were asking such vague questions. There was nothing about pregnancy or postpartum depression and I began to wonder if this psychiatrist was the right one for me.
Next entered in a man who seemed a bit “off”. He started to talk to me, but I grabbed my phone and began twittering. The nurse called him in really quickly and I was left alone in this big, uncomfortably cold waiting room. I still wanted to leave. I just didn’t feel good about being there and there is something to be said about gut instinct. I should learn to definitely listen and follow it.
After waiting for 45 minutes the receptionist called me into room number 5. The room had a desk with no papers on it and two chairs. Definitely not what I would call inviting at all. The receptionist, and I repeat, receptionist, started asking me questions. Some personal about any sexual, emotional, or physical abuse (no) to what my husband’s name, age, how much caffeine he drank.
At this point I thought it was ridiculous that she would be asking such questions about my husband. He wasn’t there and honestly I can’t see why it would matter if he drinks coffee in the mornings. I mean, really.
So I asked with quite a big attitude, “I don’t understand the importance of the questions you are asking. Why does it matter how old my husband is, what his name is, what his age is, how much coffee he drinks, etc?” The receptionist just answered, “The Dr. likes to know.”
Um, okay.
Then she told me that on one of the papers I filled out, I didn’t circle the number, only wrote it in the column on the right. She asked if I would circle the numbers. I told her no because I wrote the numbers in the column and added up my score. She said, “Well, hopefully the Dr. will be okay with this. If not, you’ll have to circle them.”
I said, “Right.”
Next page of paper was all about sex. ”When was the last time you had sex?”, she asked. I told her that it was the day before I had my son – July 22nd. She made a face and was like “Wow, that’s been a while. Do you feel like your sex drive has diminished?”
I wanted to say, “No moron. Again I’m here for postpartum depression, which means that I just had a baby, which means that I couldn’t have sex until I was cleared by my OB, which again, was last Friday.” It was completely pointless and she kept on asking questions like this.
I kept on telling her the same damn thing, “I just had a baby so…”
About 30 minutes had gone by and it was now 1:15pm. The receptionist said that the Dr. should arrive around 2pm and that I was to meet with the male nurse next and then I was free to leave for lunch as long as I was back by 4:30pm.
Um, excuse me? I told her that my appointment was at 12:30pm and that the Dr. was already late since it was 1:15pm. She asked, “Didn’t anyone tell you that she arrives at 2pm?” No they didn’t tell me that because if they did I would certainly have shown up at 2pm instead of 12:30pm.
I waited for about 10 minutes and then the male nurse came to take me to his office for more questioning. I was totally annoyed and pissed off, thinking that I should just walk or run out of the door FAST. But now I was trapped in room number 3 talking to the male nurse.
He asked me to tell him my name, age, why I was there, and where we were. I immediately laughed and asked why he wanted to know this; after all, he was looking right at my file that had this information. I told him my name, age, why I was there (postpartum depression), and where we were (professional building). He told me to try again on that last question. OK, um, doctor’s office? BINGO.
So weird.
Then he asked me what year we were in. I felt like I was a patient that had just had a stroke or passed out. I was not seeing a psychiatrist for anything other than postpartum depression, so wouldn’t you have thought that they could have skipped over their “normal” protocol?
He told me, “I’m going to tell you three words that I want you to remember and I’ll ask you to repeat them to me later on. They are: flower, penny, tiger. Can you repeat them back to me?”
“Flower, penny, tiger” and I added a little eye roll too.
Next he asked who the President of the USA was and I told him “Obama”. Then he asked for the Vice President. Oh shit, I couldn’t remember and I figured this wasn’t going to look good for Mr. nurse. I started giggling because I find it SO funny that I couldn’t remember this. He told me, “take your time”. The only name that was popping into my head was Al Gore and I knew that wasn’t right.
Finally I said, “Joe Biden”. Ding, ding, ding. Correct answer.
Then he said, “Who is the mayor of Houston?” ”Bill White?”
“Who is the governor of Texas?” ”Rick Perry?” Then I said, “Are they still the mayor and governor? I’m not really into politics.”
He said, “Why are you second guessing yourself? Yes, they are.”
Then he asked me to interpret the glass house proverb. Right. I told him that I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about and then I asked if I should know this. He said that mainly older people knew this. Um, okay.
When this mess was over he told me that the Dr. should arrive around 2:30pm. I told him that I was told 2pm earlier and he said that she tends to run late. Oh, wonderful.
He told me that I could wait around in the waiting room or go to lunch and come back before 4:30pm. I told him that I didn’t understand; my appointment was for 12:30pm. He said that since I was a new patient I had to come at that time to meet with everyone and go over paperwork, but that the Dr. usually arrives at 2:30pm and sees patients in the timeframe of that and 4:30pm.
I told him that I would wait in the waiting room. I went into the waiting room and it was packed. I mean packed as in every seat was taken. I sat down in the only seat available and thought that I was in hell.
No joke, there was someone pacing in the room screaming, a guy who looked like he could be a serial killer listening to ghetto rap so loudly that we could all hear, a mom who was talking on her cell phone and paying no attention to her kids, and a couple of women that looked completely out of it.
I did not belong here at all. These people clearly had larger mental issues than postpartum depression.
I texted Tarzan and told him and he said, “Leave and come home. We’ll figure something else out.”
As much as I wanted to leave, I felt like I should stay for this trainwreck to see what would happen next. After all, it was now about 3pm and I figured that my name would be called at any moment.
Around 3:30pm the male nurse called my name and took me to room number 1. He told me to just relax and the Dr. would be in soon. This room was just as “cold” as room number 5. A built-in cabinet with nothing on the shelves was on the wall and there were two chairs: one for me and one for the Dr.
There was also a dead spider on the window sill which added a nice touch to the already dreary place.
The Dr. came in and looked like she belonged somewhere else, definitely not in charge of these patients. She spent five, maybe ten minutes with me and that was it. While flipping through the paperwork, she said, “You wanted to know why we asked questions about your husband? We just like to know.”
The damn receptionist had made a note in my file that I asked why she was asking me those questions!
She asked if I had a support system in place and I told her that I had my husband and that my mom stayed with us for a little while in the beginning. She asked if my mom could come back and I told her maybe.
Then she told me that she was going to increase the Lexapro to 20mg from 10mg and add Abilify to the mix at nighttime.
Now I’m not a Dr. and haven’t spent any time in medical school, but there was something about the way that she was so quick to up my medicine and even throw in a new one that didn’t seem right to me. My purpose in going to see a psychiatrist was not to be medicated; it’s to get help for postpartum depression.
She told me that she wanted to see me again in one week to see how I was doing. I asked her if I would have a set appointment or if I should expect 30 people in the waiting room. She told me that they don’t operate with a set time, but a timeframe between 2pm and 4:30pm.
Basically it’s first come, first serve. She said I sign in, take a number, and wait to be called. It took all I had not to laugh in her face.
I started to ask her a question and she walked out of the room, told me to relax (yeah, right), and that the receptionist would be back with information and samples. I waited for ten minutes and then someone came in with a ton of samples and some information about Abilify and when to take the meds.
I went to the counter and was told that the Dr. wanted to see me again in one week. I made the appointment, but knew damn well that I would not be going back.
I couldn’t get out of that office fast enough. I just about ran to my car and wanted to cry.
Why is it so hard to find good help for postpartum depression? Why did I just waste 4 hours of my time at that psychiatrist’s office and all she wanted to do was medicate me? She didn’t even ask me questions about how I was feeling. The day was such a let-down.
While I was there Tarzan was busy at home calling other psychiatrists to see if I could get in to see them. Everyone has a wait of two-three weeks. Then he saw a name of someone who specializes in postpartum depression, a psychotherapist, and he knew her because he had done some work with her husband. And she lives in the next neighborhood over. She actually trains psychiatrists and OB/GYNs on postpartum depression and has researched for many, many years.
He called her and she moved her schedule around to see us at 5pm. I got home at 4:55pm and we hopped in the car, leaving Monkey with the in-laws.
We went upstairs at the therapist’s house and started talking. It was wonderful, right from the very beginning of this meeting.
(I’ll post a different blog post on what happened because it’s long.)
You might also want to read:
- Six week postpartum appointment and going to a psychiatrist for postpartum depression
- Being real with therapy, postpartum depression, family, & friends
- Postpartum depression therapy appointment: Success!
- Therapist appointment, torticollis, and some postpartum depression talk too
- Past memory of postpartum depression, breastfeeding Monkey, & my dog
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Oh man… how awful!!!!! *hugs*
Thank goodness Tarzan knows someone who knows someone so that this story ended with some hope. Good grief, that experience would make a person crazy and no specific appt. times. For a new mom, meaning new baby at home? This is hindering, not helping. Looking forward to hear about the Dr. who helped.
Acutally, what you experienced is exactly what a psychiatrist does…they prescribe meds. psychologists or social workers are the ones that administer therapy. the questions they were asking you were not weird but actual cognitive assessments. by asking you to repeat three words, they was assessing your short term memory. I think your next step is more reasonable. Actually getting a ‘word of mouth’ referral. Finding a good therapist is not easy. Shop around. Good Luck!!
PS I’m so glad tarzan helped you find somebody else. What an amazing blessing to be able to leave that horrendous place feeling probably very hopeless and frustrated with the answers to a place where you found something that actually helped. What an amazing guy I hope I find one like that someday.
I’m glad you’re looking into seeing another doctor. It sounds like one major upset after another, and although I think the questions and time with the pyschiatrist sounds pretty normal from what i’ve experienced over the last 10 years dealing with bipolar disorder I think the office set up is totally f’d up. The receptionist might have additional training in order to do the initial intake but this lady sounds like she was just rude and condescending. The questions the male nurse asked you sound typical of a psychiatrists office, one of my major symptoms of depression is memory loss/difficulties, so asking you to remember the day, month, president, and even what was said earlier in the appointment might have been asked to gauge that, but he seems a little bit attitudey as well. The doctor well she sounds like she’s only a med shrink not a therapy one so it’s not surprising she’d just adjust your meds based off your symptoms and send you on your way.
Psychiatrists vary, some do medications only, some do therapy alongside medications, I think you’d benefit more from a psychiatrist that does both, or from seeing a psychiatrist AND a therapist. I myself find both therapy and medication helpful for managing my symptoms.
As for your medications it sounds like you were on the starting dose, if it wasn’t helpful i’m not surprised they upped it. If one medication is helping a little but not completely with the symptoms doctors will tend to add in another one to try to manage all of your symptoms completely. It could be the doctor could hear that you need relief and you need it fast and was hoping to speed up the process instead of just upping your dose and having you come back a week or two later to see if it helped before deciding to up it again or add in another medication. I myself take 3 different drugs because the combination of them lessen my symptoms and mood swings, one drug would make me feel slightly better in one area but i’d still be struggling in another, after time the doctors found a combination that works for me and helps me feel well. But you’ve got to be your own advocate, if the doctor isn’t good or isn’t listening find a new one, if the doctor doesn’t have a personality that works well with your own find a new one. Don’t settle or feel bad because you’re not satisfied, you deserve to be working with someone who you feel hears you, respects you, knows you and is doing what they believe is best for you by their education of your problem and medication and by their understanding of what you feel your biggest problems are and what you’re looking for.
Oh my. That is the most shocking psych experience that I have ever read or heard about. I am so so sorry that this was so awful for you. I’m so glad that the new therapist is much better. It is so important that you regularly talk about your feelings with someone who is trained to help you work through them. When I was suffering with depression, I found the therapy sessions more helpful than the meds (although the meds did help a lot). I hope you are able to continue seeing her regularly and that you start to feel better soon! Hang in there! I’m sending lots of hugs, prayers, and positive vibes your way!
OMG!!! I could not wait to get home and read your blog after getting your twitter message. After reading this I really couldn’t beleive this happened to you. That is something that you would watch in a movie or read in a book. How is a 15 minute meeting with a doctor going to help you? That is what is wrong with the medical field they are too busy to stop and listen to the problem they just want to put you on drugs. I went to my primary care doctor and was having a bad day the next thing I know I had a prescription for depression. I was sitting there trying to figure out when was I depressed. I am glad to hear that you are taking your illness into your own hands…as Dr. Oz would say you have to be your own medical advocate. Don’t give up until it feels right for you. You hit the nail on the head there is something about gut instincts…Listen to your gut it won’t steer you wrong (unless it’s toward desserts) Lol. Take care and keep up your brave journey.
wow! that seems like an awfully terrible experience, especially for someone who’s not exactly feeling at the top of their game. now i am no professional, but i did take a few counseling classes in college and i have experienced clinical depression. medicine DOES work, however, it usually works best in conjunction with effective therapy. the problem with the health care system is that it doesnt take into consideration that people, especially women need to feel comfortable with their therapy. what i have learned from my own experience is that it was a wonderful feeling to talk to someone who understands my point of view but was completely objective. she had NO opinion. she didnt shrink my brain or fill my head with wild ideas. she asked me what i felt and how i deal with things. then we TOGETHER decided on a treatment plan. which amazingly WORKED! so i hope that your new therapist will help you help yourself. it will not only make you feel better, but it will also make you feel more empowered to be the best Mommy and wife that you can be.
Jane,
I would be very cautious about taking the Abilify. I see that it has been approved for use as an adjunct med for depression. Its original FDA approval was for schizophrenia which is what I saw it used for back during my psyc rotation in nursing school. I would say use common sense and educate yourself about taking this med which certainly sounded to be hastily prescribed.
Excuse me while I pick my mouth up off my floor! (TechyDad just helped me with that) Holy cow Batman, that is the most ridiculous excuse for a medical professional I have ever heard of. This would make for an interesting television show – the antics of the office, not your experience. Oy! Of course, my reply to the male nurse about where you were would have been HELL. So sorry you had to experience that. I truly hope that you contact your OB’s office to let them know about this so no other mother has to go through this. Glad that Tarzan recalled his connection with the new person you are seeing and got you in quick. Therapists are often more helpful because you can really talk with them. Thank goodness you will not have to go back to the Drive-Thru mentality office again.
I was met with the exact same kind of enviroment when I first went to the dr for my PPD, I left that appointment feeling even worse then before.
I am glad you found another doctor right away. It is amazing how having the right doctor can make the world of difference.
I look forward to hearing about your new doctor
I disagree with Kay. That is not the standard psych interview. I have been seeing psychiatrists since 1989 to manage chronic depression and have never encountered such a fiasco as Jane describes. There may be a need to screen for abuse and psychosis, yes. But not by the receptionist! And I have never heard of the “take a number” approach! Docs are often late but never this “sometime between 2 and 4:30″ That is utter BS.
I am so sorry you went through this and got such a bad first experience with the psych industry . There are good doctors out there. Some just prescribe and some also do counseling. But even the ones who just prescribe will spend time with you personally before whipping out the prescription pads and adding on new drugs.
I’m glad you did find a counselor and hope it helps. But if you still need meds, and from your posts I think you do, please try another doctor. I sent you my doc’s name on twitter. Here it is again. I have no idea what his schedule is, but his office is much better than what you saw today,
Dr. Richard Pesikoff
(713) 795-5424
Thank goodness you found someone sane. I’ve been following you for a while and getting more angry at the lack of support for all mothers after giving birth, let alone those in real need. I was almost getting frightenened myself listening to your description of that psychiatrist and the office. Sounds like a recipe for depression all on it’s own. I really hope that you are doing a little better.
I agree with Kay, and I just wanted to add that postpartum depression can turn into postpartum psychosis in the space of hours if it is not being properly treated (which would be a concern in your situation as you were being referred to office because the initial medication wasn’t working for you). Postpartum psychosis is much more varied than most people think of (not everyone who has it harms their child or even WANTS to) but it does entail a break from reality, so the questions you found so silly were meant to ensure that you hadn’t slipped into a dangerous fantasy world since you developed postpartum depression.
The questions about your husband were probably a routine screen for abuse. The reaction and demeanor of the patient when they answer can provide great insight into their relationship with their partner and provide indications as to whether a more thorough screening is needed. Before you get offended on Tarzan’s behalf, remember that MANY abusive relationships do not become violent until pregnancy or the postpartum period, and that your answers obviously didn’t trigger the red flags for further screening. (People with mental health issues are also prime targets for domestic abuse, so are at a higher risk of being abused. You’d be amazed how many people believe that someone ‘deserves’ to be hit ‘because they are crazy’.)
I’m saddened that you were so judgmental of the other people waiting in the office. Their symptoms may be different than your own, but you know first hand the shame and sense of failure that a mental illness carries with it. They can’t help how their illness manifests any more than you can ‘snap out of it’ or ‘just cheer up’ and just by virtue of them being in the office, you know that they are attempting to overcome their illnesses as well. They deserve your sympathy and compassion, not further judgement and fear in a location that should be a source of hope for them.
I’m SO glad that you found a doctor that is a better fit for your needs, though. I hope you make a quick recovery and are soon able to enjoy your life with your little monkey and your husband.
I can’t believe what a waste of time that was for you. How can she call herself a psychiatrist asking dumb questions that have nothing to do with PPD and then “here take these meds, you’ll feel better”. So sorry you had to go through that hell.
I sure hope this new Dr. helps you and you got something out of your first meeting with her. good luck to you Jane.
Wow…what a day! I was uncomfortable just reading your story. In the past I have visited a couple of psychologists once or two times and have had mixed results. One woman I have seen twice is amazing. I walked out and felt 10 times better. She was a little pricey but it was cozy, inviting and she was so personable. The last time I went somewhere was for anxiety I have been having since I have been pregnant. It has been debilitating. I walked into a similar situation however did not get the “cold” treatment with so many random questions. They knew why I was there and asked appropriate questions. However, she jumped to the meds… ones that could effect my baby. I said no and left to make another appointment with the DR I had experience with.
I am glad you didn’t give up on it and hope this new DR will be the one for you. It has nothing to do with the so called “messed-up” healthcare system as someone stated. Obviously some of the the 30 other people in the room were where they wanted to be. It is just not right for you. =)
Whoa–I am so, so sorry that your appointment was such a let down. Does the hospital where you delivered Monkey have a postpartum support group? My doctor recommended I go to one of those in town.
That’s actually a pretty standard psychiatric appointment. Psychiatrists are medical doctors, specializing in psychology – they are brief, just like most regular doctors. They are not counselors – they do not try to counsel you – yet they have a wealth of knowledge in the area of psychology.
Also – try not to judge other people at psychiatry offices – it’s not really fair. You don’t know why they’re there, either, and mental health has a negative enough stigma, without anyone adding to it. I know it’s hard & sometimes scary to see people hurting, but most of the time, it’s not their fault they even have the problems they do.
Psychiatrists are well-trained and they can be cold & stand-offish. Try talking to a counselor if you’re looking for something else.
Also – all of those questions they asked you are standard. They were doing something called “reality testing” & a mental status exam. They ask everyone all the same questions to make sure there are no psychotic symptoms. It’s nothing personal & they see people with your problem (and hundreds of others) for 8 hours a day. It’s a medical procedure – the same way a general physician may ask you how often you exercise or if you have trouble sleeping at night.
There are nicer doctors out there, though, and places that won’t make you wait as long. Don’t feel embarrassed or weird about talking to these people – they’ve seriously heard it all – from hallucinations, to suicidal thoughts, to the person thinking they’re God – give them a little more credit, they might be able to help you!
For now, I’d probably search for a new doctor. Abilify is usually added when an anti-depressant isn’t working well, and Lexapro is pretty standard, but I think you may benefit more from a counselor – they’re more empathetic and follow the Wellness Model instead of the Medical Model.
Good luck!
OKAY…agreed waste of your time. It sounds like you were at a government funded psychiatrist office (although I am sure you were not, but sounds like that is what it was). So first I think it is important to let you know that a Psychiatrist is only meant to prescribe medication. However, everyone I have gone to for Depression and OCD spends at least 30 minutes with you to know what to prescribe you. A psychologist is someone you talk to about your problems. I think you should see both. I will email you the name of the group I used for many year and was very happy with. I hope you don’t have to use them becasue this other lady you saw yesterday was better. But just in case, you will have it. I am sorry you had to go through all of that and I really hope this other lady you spoke to is working better for you.
Best Wishes!
I suffered horribly from ppd. This kind of appt would have added to it for sure. I was able to get treatment thru my OB. I am so glad I did.
I have seen psychiatrist but none had such bizarre questionnaires and office hours as what you have described.
I am sorry you had to go through this!
hey! yes. that certainly sounds bad. It’s even worse that I had expected. I’ve had some similar experiences thus my warning before you headed in.
Here is another option.
http://postpartum.net/
not sure if you’ve tried it yet or not. I haven’t quite looked through but there should be links to local groups.
I participted in a local group in my area and it was far far far more effective than any psychiatrist.
You are right! This VERY VERY VERY COMMON issue is not addressed properly by any of our medical systems.
Good luck.
Hey Jane,
That sounds like it was a real clusterf**k! Dr Lucy Puryear is in your city, I think – if she’s not who you’re going to try next, you might want to try her.. I reviewed her book on my site:
http://breederbrain.blogspot.com/2009/05/book-review-understanding-your-moods.html
Good luck and take it easy on yourself!
CJ
Just wanted to add a huge congrats for all of your efforts to get help for PPD. Your courage is amazing- seriously.
hi! i just started reading your blog when you posted about postpartum depression. even though i haven’t experienced it, i can only imagine how difficult it must be, which is why i’m so happy (for you and your family) that you didn’t go along with this whole messed-up, drug-oriented system and looked elsewhere for help. you’re very lucky to have such support from your husband (and blog-readers)! and you have your little monkey! i hope things get better soon.
That office should be ashamed. You don’t need a psychiatrist but a good talk therapist. I’m rooting for you!
All I have to say is Oh My Lord! I thought stuff like this only happens in movies! I feel sorry for those other people who think they are going to be treated by this place. And why did your OB refer you to this lady? I can’t wait to hear about your positive experience.
I am so so sorry you had to go through that! I wish I could give you a hug, but obviously that won’t work. Your instincts were right and that doctor sucked. I’ve been to a therapist and a psychiatrist and I’ve never experienced anything like that. I’m so glad that you found someone else so soon. I know how hard it is to go a few days or even a few hours when you know you need help right now. I hope this new doc really works for you!
Oh my. That’s just about the most horrifying psych doctor experience I can imagine…(and I’ve been in some strange situations). I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But, at least, it sounds like you’re getting the help you need now! Here’s hoping things get better soon.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this appointment and that it was so crap. I hope though that the next meeting was better, it does seem as if it was. Hugs to you all.
Wow! that is total crap and why the medical system isn’t just broken, it’s friggin in nuclear meltdown. I am so sorry you had such a crappy experience with the first doctor who clearly has forgotten her hipocratic oath.
Can’t wait to read about the new doc.
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