This past weekend I was talking to one of my neighbors about kids. She told me that all moms lie about their children at some point. Obviously since I’m pretty new to this whole mom thing, I can’t say that I’ve noticed that yet. She said that she has no idea why, but all moms lie to make their kids sound better.
For example, even if the child isn’t sleeping through the night, the mom will lie & say that her child does sleep through the night. To me, this is ridiculous. If I was talking to someone about their child sleeping through the night & my child hadn’t been sleeping through the night, I would want to know what she was doing to get her child to sleep so well at night. When you are sleep deprived you will try anything to get your child to sleep through the night, so why would anyone lie about it?
Moms need to help out other moms, don’t you think?
This past weekend Tarzan & I were at a baptism for a 6.5 month old. The parents of said baptized child asked if Monkey was sleeping through the night. Both T & I got a huge smile on our face & boasted that yes, in fact, Monkey has been sleeping through the night for some time now.
We asked about their child & they said that she just started. She goes to sleep at 9:30pm and wakes up around 6am. Tarzan and I must have had a look of sympathy on our faces because the parents looked at us funny and said “What?” We said something like that’s not too much time for them alone without the baby, which prompted them to ask us about Monkey.
I told them that he goes to bed around 7:30pm & wakes up about 7am or a little later. Then they had a look on their face like “Yeah right your 3.5 month old sleeps for 12 hours”. So of course it looked like we were just trying to one-up them.
Even the neighbor that said that all moms lie told me that her 7.5 month old still gets up at least two times during the night. I kept my mouth shut about offering anything about Monkey’s good sleeping habits. I prayed that she wouldn’t ask how he was sleeping, but she did.
Damn.
I just muttered that he was a good sleeper, but she wanted more information.
Damn again.
I told her that he sleeps through the night & doesn’t wake up. She had me almost wanting to lie about what a good sleeper he is just because I didn’t want it to seem like I was trying to outdo her son. I don’t want to be that mom that seems to brag about how awesome her son is.
But then our conversation took a turn for the worst when she asked about napping. Damn. Damn. Damn.
Her son takes catnaps for up to one hour, but usually thirty minutes and has always taken naps like this. My son takes one nap during the day for at least 3-4 hours & he’s always done this. Her expression on her face told me that she was convinced that I was elaborating on how great Monkey sleeps.
Yes, my son sleeps for 12 hours at night & takes one massive nap during the day for 3-4 hours. Yes, I realize that I am lucky & I’m thankful everyday.
After that Monkey and I said goodbye and we went home. It got awkward for sure.
I’m not sure that I’m convinced that all moms lie about their children & various things that they do, but I do think that many people believe that parents of good sleepers, non-criers, & no spit-up babies are straying a bit from the truth to make it look like their child is better, more easier, etc.
Boy am I glad that I didn’t tell the neighbor that Monkey only fusses when he is hungry. Yes, I also have a non-crier.
You might also want to read:
- Oh yeah, it’s official: Monkey sleeps through the night!
- Monkey’s nighttime schedule: 3.5 months old
- Do 12 month olds ever slow down so moms can get anything done?! I don’t think so.
- Projectile Vomit, Ear Infection, Teething, & Not Sleeping – Longest Week of My Life
- Is there a 12 month old sleep regression? Is Monkey just teething? What the &*#* is going on?!
= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
“She goes to sleep at 9:30pm and wakes up around 6am. Tarzan and I must have had a look of sympathy on our faces because the parents looked at us funny and said “What?” We said something like that’s not too much time for them alone without the baby, which prompted them to ask us about Monkey.”
This probably made them feel defensive – to me, nearly nine hours sounds like a ton of fantastic quiet time for parents of a newborn! They get the whole evening to themselves every night? Dream!
I feel like people think I’m lying when I tell them about my son’s sleeping habits too.
He too, goes to bed around 7pm and doesn’t wake up until after 7am. He also still takes 3-4 naps a day (at 10 month) I hear people tell me their 10 month old only takes 1 nap a day, for an hour or so.
BUTTT.. I had a HORRIBLE baby. SOOOOO fussy, never ever ever slept until about 3 months. Then he never stopped sleeping. So I think I paid my dues.
One ammunition point you can always use is that typically FF babies sleep a little better because formula last longer in their tummies and also they get a full bottle, instead of just nursing to a certain point. Maybe that wont make you feel so bad about sharing your good news.
Now when my breast fed baby sleeps that much.. I still get dirty looks!
btw.. Yes.. I think a lot of parents do lie about their child.
I cant really remember an exact time that I did, but I bet I have/will. Usually I was a little too honest with the horror of it all.
In response to CC’s comment. I *thought* when Miles went to sleep at 9pm is was heavenly.
But truly, him going to bed at 7pm is sooo amazing. The time alone in the evening is priceless. We joke that sometimes we forget we have a baby during those hours, its just like the “olden days”
I could see how you would want to make that comment. I dont think many parents realize that keeping babies up later does not mean they will sleep in longer. Earlier bed times are better for everyone around.
CC – I see what you mean, but like Ryley said it’s amazing. I’ve been so tired at night & have been going to sleep between 9pm & 10pm. If my baby went to sleep at 9pm, I would feel like I had no time for myself or to hang out with my husband. Since Monkey goes to sleep earlier than that, it gives me a lot of my own time which is really nice.
I honestly didn’t even realize that I had a look on my face… I need to be more careful in the future!
My oldest slept thru the night before he was a month old, my youngest – not so much. My middle son (although not mine biologically but has been with me since he was 15 months old & he’s 7 now) is a VERY light sleeper. He wakes up at the slightest sound. No telling what his egg donor put him thru in those 15 months (her mother told us he was left alone for hours one night).
But I never felt the need to lie about my kids. What purpose would it serve?
Oh, # 1 & #2 weren’t fussers, but #3 was a fusser.
I don’t lie, but I am on the opposite side of the spectrum. My daughter was (and sometimes still is) a horrible sleeper, even at 2 years old. I don’t begrudge parents who have kids who sleep better than my daughter, but I think that some moms have this perception that if their child isn’t doing it, then they must be doing something wrong.
I go from the philosophy that all kids are different. And some sleep well, and some don’t. My husband was a HORRIBLE sleeper until his toddlerhood. I figure my DD is the same. I’ve coped with it, but was basically sleep deprived for about 2 years.. and since I’m pregnant and awkward now, it just continues. However, I do not lie about it, if I don’t want unsolicited advice, I just say she could be doing better, but we are working on it. …. I learned a long time ago, when your child doesn’t so what other parents think they should or what might be the “norm” then you get all kinds of advice that you just don’t want or care about.
So, I think that some moms do lie. Just not to have to hear it. I, on the other hand, just say something a little non commital, or just change the subject, or just go, ok.. that’s an interesting idea.. and move on.
so again, no, not all moms lie!
You know, I don’t think I lie, but I don’t think I share a lot either. I think one main reason for moms lying is that if they say their baby does not sleep through the night or has horrible sleep habits, another mom may attack and blame their routine or schedule or, you know, find fault with the parents when really, every child is different. My daughter never slept through the night as a baby or a toddler and really didn’t start sleeping well until she started school. She is now 11 and is a total night owl. Sometimes sleeping habits are just part of an individuals personalities – and babies are individuals, too. My 6 week old son sleeps from around 10pm to 3am – wakes to feed and sleeps until 6 or 6:30am. I know he will adjust as he grows and needs to not breastfeed as often. Though I co-sleep, because he will have NOTHING to do with a crib or basinett or bouncy seat…nothing will do but mommy or daddy snuggled with him. I need the sleep so we do what is comfortable for him – though the grief I get about it is unbelievable. Maybe that’s why they lie??
My boss has three kids and she tells me that all parents are nuts with their kids and are trying to outdo each other constantly. Good and bad. The worst are the drop-offs and pick-ups at her kids’ schools. Like when she says “my 2 year-old has a cold”, the child of the other mom is so sick it needs to go to the hospital. If you say my child starts to read, the other one is writing a novel. It sounds awful and I am not looking forward to this!
And by the way, my baby is 4 months old and sleeps from 9-5 am. IF I’m lucky. So I am jealous and want to know: How are you doing this???
I think that there is this unspoken competition between all (most) mothers with children, especially when two children are about the same age. Regardless of whether or not both parties feel like they’re competing…my SIL and I both have daughters that are a month apart. My daughter is a non-crier, good sleeper, and generally a good kid. My niece is not. She came into this world with a temper on fire and it hasn’t cooled in the 16 months since she was born. Though she’s very much lovable in her own way, she is proving to be a difficult toddler. I’ve WATCHED my SIL lie to people about how she sleeps, eats, talks, walks, etc…though I’ve never really asked her why. Like someone would judge her if they knew the truth. And I know there are people that do, but kids are just different. My next child might be a challenge, who knows? And I feel bad when I talk to her because naturally she asks about G, and I don’t know whether to tell her the truth about how she’s been doing (developmentally, emotionally, etc) or lie to make her feel better.
Jane, does Monkey need to be swaddled? I would love to stop swaddling my son (or find a good swaddle he doesn’t break out of) but I don’t think he’s ready for that yet. I’ve tried during daytime naps with no luck. Just curious what you guys do.
Amy – Oooh, I bet you do get so much grief about co-sleeping & I don’t get that. Like you said, all babies are different & what works for y’all is the best thing for y’all to do. No judgement from me!
Elisa – Those parents remind me of the Penelope skit from SNL – always trying to outdo the last thing said. Good luck dealing with that in the future!
As far as how I’m doing it – No idea really. Monkey is just easy & enjoys his sleep. I do keep a “routine” for him & maybe that’s what has helped him so much?? I’ll blog about what I do every night for him in a few hours – Hopefully that will help you.
Jill – So strange about your SIL. I don’t get it at all.
Mara – No, he has hated being swaddled since the day we got home from the hospital. He actually hates any kind of blanket over his feet & will wiggle out of it. He’s much happier being free. He isn’t into pacifiers either. Hopefully someone else can help you with swaddling because I have no idea how to break them out of the swaddle. Good luck to you though!
Apart from 3 or 4 nights, my baby girl has almost always slept through the night (she is nearly 1 now), but when you tell people this, they laugh at you and go ‘yeah right’, like they think you’re lying anyway! I think because most people go through the sleepless nights thing quite a bit, they assume that it happens to everyone… not so!
Yes! Please blog about how your routine works! My little man is 10 weeks and has stopped sleeping through the night since he got his 8 week shots. Not sure what thats about, but this mama is not a happy camper! Also, how much is Monkey drinking before bed? I have been breastfeeding, but am transitioning to formula. My guy is so fickle about how much he will take before going down.
I hate that “sleep through the night” question. So hard to answer because he does, but only because I nurse him before he can wake up.
Sorry, but no. Some of us are & always have been night owls. There’s no reason I should have to get up hours before I want to just because other people think babies should be in bed early. All my babies have gone to bed when I do & not woken up until a decent hour.
Hi Jane, I do agree with a previous comment that probably formula fed babies sleep longer because of their tummy feels more full than breastfed babies. I too agree with you that 7pm is a great time for baby to sleep. We get time for ourselves and can have that dinner in peace
Anyway, my baby who is going to be 13 weeks sleep around 7pm and will wake up to nurse between 12am to 2am and again at approx 6am which works out great for us. He’s fully breastfeeding though. Although I would love to get back my 8 hrs sleep, I quite love the night feedings because I work outside of home.
You have an awesome sleeper, awesome napper and a non crier. I’m so jealous! LOL!
Mara – We broke the swaddle habit by half-swaddling. During her daytime naps, we would drape a blanket over her and tuck her in on each side, but not actually swaddle her. Pretty soon, we were able to just put a blanket on her and she’d still sleep. At night, though, we had to slowly loosen the swaddle over time and then try the blanket trick. Someone else recommended that to us when we were having trouble breaking the night swaddle and it seems to have worked so far for us, so it might work for you?
I don’t really have the energy to lie about what my baby is and is not doing. She’s ahead of the curve in some areas – sleeping through the night, rolling over both directions, etc – and she’s behind the curve in other areas – her daytime naps are horrid, she can’t find her thumb to save her life, etc. I try to make sure that I’m always pretty honest about her development because I’ve found that other mothers sometimes have great advice or have been through what I’m going through, and if I’m able to help someone else figure something out or not feel as alone with a problem, then the honesty was worth it, even if it was a little ugly for me.
But that said, I can sort of see how you might sometimes lie. I was telling people that she was a great daytime sleeper for awhile before I realized that no, she HAD BEEN a great daytime sleeper, but now she sucked donkey balls at daytime sleeping. The regression made me feel like a failure and I don’t think I really wanted to face it. I never meant to lie, it just sort of happened. So maybe some parenting lies are like that, no bad intentions, no one-upping, just happy ignorance of the fact that something is much suckier than it once was or you would like it to be.
I think there are so many people passing judgement on moms that some mothers feel pressure to lie. My first child was great, fussed only when hungry, slept like a log, easily fell into her own routine. My second is proving to be a total opposite, colicky to the point where he never stopped crying for the first three months, light sleeper, half the time he won’t sleep unless he’s snuggled right up against me. That’s just how they are. I must confess though, I do feel an urge to lie when my mother (for the umpteenth time) asks about potty training, just so she’ll stop asking. Really, does anyone need to be that interested in someone else’s toilet habits?
Mara – same question as you. My little guy tests his swaddle to the limit every night when I put him down. If he can break out, he cries until I swaddle him again. All I’ve been doing is using a large, thin blanket, none of those swaddlers you can buy have ever worked.
Ok, I officially hate you…and trust me when I say that I mean that in the NICEST WAY possible! Sleeping through the night. The. Whole. Night????
My Peanut has only done “that” twice. And “that” means from 10pm until 6am. And “that” alone was heaven. If I actually got more sleep than that…I might start to feel human again! So overrated! Not!
In general my little Peanut sleeps for 3 to 5 hours stretches the first time around, after being put to bed between 9 and 10:30pm. After she gets up in the middle of the night after that first stretch of sleep…and having a bit of a bottle…and doing some vertical time for reflux…she then will sleep another 1 to 3 hours. That. Is. It.
Blaaahhhh! I would never lie about the sleep situation. Misery loves company, and I keep trying to find that miserable company! Can’t do that if I am lying.
But, outside of the sleep issues (which I hear will correct themselves sometime from here until adulthood), my little Peanut is a genius and an adorable little girl! Of course!
Kudos to you for having such an “easy baby”. Enjoy every minute of that!
Oooh, the competition is so infuriating! Why can’t it just be “Hey, my baby is a sleeper, hopefully it lasts” and leave it at that? Why can’t other parents just feel happy for your? I feel like your neighbor wants to believe all mom’s lie to make herself feel better.
It would be nice if moms could just support each other. I’d rather be honest and hear tips and say, “you bet I’m jealous you have a sleep through the nighter, what do you do?” but I don’t feel bad because I don’t yet…babies are like, well people:) they all have different temperments and habits and all we can do is try our best to make their transition to this world as easy as possible. You had a lot of early challenges so having an easy baby is a great blessing!
You shouldn’t feel bad about bragging, it’s all true! It seems like everyone with children should know that every child is different. And it’s not necessarily a result of what you are or are not doing.
I think it’s awesome that you have Monkey on such a fabulous scheduled. I wonder why people can’t just be happy for you?
And about all the lying — that is ridiculous! I don’t have a baby yet, but when I do, I plan to keep it honest.
I can definitely see where mommies would lie about their child. There is so much pressure to have the smartest, most advance, best at everything baby that when your child is just “normal,” you’re looked down upon. And what’s wrong with normal? Nothing!
I think, too, the mommies that go on and on about how their baby is just so great at everything are vicariously living through their baby. I have a great baby and feel incredibly blessed, but I don’t go on and on about it. If we were to have a second child, they could be the complete opposite of our little munchkin man.
Congrats!!!! My mother told me that my brother and I were both 12 hour babies since we were 6 weeks old. We also took a 3-4 hour nap, so I believe you!!!! I hope that my child is as good but I’m not holding my breath lol. I have officially hit 17 weeks and I feel very accomplished in the pregnancy, but I’m starting to feel like everything is wrong, or going wrong. I dont feel like I’m in the right place right now. My fiance can’t stand the crying anymore…. any advice?
I won’t lie – my son is a HORRIBLE sleeper. LOL. And like you said – I’m always looking for tips, but a pet peeve of mine is someone who forces their advice on me. It puts me on the defensive a bit…as a lot of times I’ve already tried what they’re suggestions and/or I feel like we’re actually making a little progress until they insinuate otherwise!! So I understand you n0t wanting to elaborate to your friend on Monkey’s sleeping habits. It’s a tough line to walk. I don’t know that everyone lies about their children, but it is natural to want to boast and have pride when they are doing well (and there’s nothing wrong with that!) I just wish it wasn’t so hard for me to hear at times
Eventually we’ll get there though. I hope!
my baby is 11 weeks and i normally have to get up once during the night this is working out fine for us but i would totally love for her to sleep from 7 till 7 but I am not complaining about the amount i do get as it is more then i expected to get
I think some mum might lie but hey as long as you know you are being honest that is all that matters
My little Samuel started sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old. He is 19weeks now. Until the last couple of weeks he was going from 7.30pm till 6am when my partner gets up for works and feeds him and then he’d sleep till 10am.
However he has had a bit of a chest infection and has had a growth spurt so has been waking up crying a 5.30am and not settling easily after a feed and waking by 8am! He has 3 daytime naps of about 45mins – hour.
I don’t think I have lied about him although I did withold the fact that I started weaning him onto baby rice etc at 16wks from the health visitor who were expecting me to wait till he was 6months!!!
I’d say make the most of Monkey sleeping like that whilst it continues, it might change. Also people tell me that easy babies make nightmare todlers! Im praying thats not true lol
I don’t lie about my guy not sleeping through the night. It is fairly obvious when I get to work whether I had a good nights sleep or not-I don’t complain about it to coworkers but they can judge my night by how much coffee it takes for me to wake up in the morning. We all go to bed alot earlier now than we ever have.He does wake up a couple times every night, I imagine he will outgrow this soon enough. He has his 4 month appointment next week-I am anxious to see what the dr has to say about his development. Like Lozzie, we have started feeding him cereal early and he seems to really like it-he had some sweet potatoes from the garden the other night and loved them. Yes I know your supposed to wait to feed solids until 6 months or a year some people say. We all know that every child is different especially babies so I hate to compare my little guy to someone else.
I wish people were more forthcoming with all experiences. Life i’ve said before, I had a very rough pregnancy, a traumatic labor, and his first two months have been challenging to say the least. NO ONE told me how HARD it could be!! And boy I wish they would have so I could have at least been a little bit prepared!
All of your wonderful mommies of sleepers, PLEASE tell me what you do/did to get your little one to sleep?! My almost 8 week old fights his sleep all day (while fussing. We’ve been dealing with colic too), has a really long nap around 6 or 7 p.m. (which i don’t try ot keep him awake considering he isn’t sleeping during the day) and then is up every 2 to 3 hours at night. *le sigh* Mommy is seriously sleep deprived lol
jane, keep telling your tales. People will realize that you aren’t trying to one them up. You are just truly blessed
)
P.S. Meghan R..I’m your misery
)
Sorry for the typos. Lack of sleep shows!
“She goes to sleep at 9:30pm and wakes up around 6am. Tarzan and I must have had a look of sympathy on our faces because the parents looked at us funny and said “What?” We said something like that’s not too much time for them alone without the baby, which prompted them to ask us about Monkey.”
This probably made them feel defensive – to me, nearly nine hours sounds like a ton of fantastic quiet time for parents of a newborn! They get the whole evening to themselves every night? Dream!”
Ditto. I would kill for that amount of sleep lol. 9:30 to 6 am sounds great!