I haven’t met most of the members of my dad’s side…. but my mom’s side is pretty much like “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” lol

Also, do you want to invite this on your son? If your dad pulls this business on everyone else in the family (you, your mom, your brother), he’ll pull it with your son at some point. What if he promises to be there for Grandparents Day at school, then ditches your little guy because he’s holding a petty grudge against YOU for some reason? That sort of thing, I could never stand for.

Its hard but eventually you learn to live with it.

I agree with the majority in that this is your dad’s way of reaching out, though it does suck. I do think you should perhaps ask him if he received your other email, and if so maybe ask him if he has any thoughts on it. But i wouldn’t expect any miracles or anything drastic. Play it by ear. Remember that you’ve done ALL you can do to try to mend this. You’ve given this a tremendous effort. The ball is in his court as you said. I don’t really foresee him apologizing or anything like that, with how you described him and his actions in the past, but if this is his way of reaching out, then you take what you can get. Perhaps the relationship will never be what it was, but at least it will be existent.

My mom has changed for the better since my son was born. I didn’t expect it out of her, but he did change something. Granted we’ll never be what we once were, but it’s nice to know she loves my son so much, and is anxious to be a part of his life. I do wish this for you. Is your mom proactive at all??

Much love to you and T and baby monkey. Hang in there. If anything you’ve begun to break this cycle with your son

I decided when i made the initial contact to tell him i was pregnant that the past was the past and i refused to go down that road again and drag up all our issues weather or not this is a good thing i don’t know it’s really too early to tell but i have been amazed at his effort to call and come and visit me.

I can only say that men have trouble expressing there emotions and this leaves us daughters out in the cold at times not knowing where to turn.. Maybe you need to forgive him for his misgivings and try and move forward, as I can speak from experience that bringing the past up in the form of an email will not get the results you want I bet he is shocked and even embarassed that he has left his daughter feeling that she can not speak about this in person. and even more shocked and ashamed that your message was received via email I bet he has not even told your mum about the email.

From the sounds of it there were good times as well and it is important to realise that although he struggles to show his emotions and has totally disregarded your email that he does love you and monkey..

I hope you can work it out with him and that he starts to share in Monkey’s life as it has made me very happy seeing my father with his first grandchild

It’s funny I read this post minutes before my dad arrived for a visit I am just replying now after he has left.

I am not sure where I heard this (my husband says he said it to my daughter but I don’t remember that! LOL), but I think it applies here:

You can’t control other people’s actions… all you can control is how YOU react to them.

From the sounds of it, your father is the man he was when you were born. He hasn’t changed over the years. There is nothing you are going to be able to do to make him into the dad you want him to be.

You will have to make a choice. Either to accept him the way he is or not have him in your life.

It stinks. It isn’t fun. Or nice. You will never have your ‘dream’ father. But you will still have a father- and monkey will still have a grandfather. Even if it is only in small doses that you can tolerate.

And remember, sometimes the best lessens we learn in life the ones we learn by the mistakes others make. Like Tarzan said- you are not like your dad. You learned what kind of parent NOT to be by his example.

Go on Sunday and attempt to have a conversation with your father. Show off Monkey and tell him about how Monkey is growing and what he’s doing. This is one of those times that you have to take the high road and do what’s hardest and that’s be nice to your dad, but if you work at it, there may be a time that you can talk about your feelings with him. Good luck, Jane! You’ve worked through other difficult things before; I know you can work through this one, too! )

One question…. you mentioned a few weeks ago that you guys are moving. Is it so that you can move closer to these people?