Right after Monkey was born I wished, more than anything, that I had a job to return to after maternity leave. Obviously there were a lot of issues (postpartum depression, anyone?) going on within me to make me dread hanging out with my son & wishing for a job that I didn’t have.
So now, being 17 weeks into being a stay at home mom, are my feelings still the same? Not at all.
But, are there days or moments in the day when I wish I could escape? Absolutely. Especially this afternoon.
Before I get into the story, I just want to say that my husband and I are in agreement with one another. We have a unique situation in that neither of us work from 8am-5pm. We both stay at home & we are both extremely busy. Right after Monkey was born, Tarzan started a new company & he’s been really busy.
I’m telling you this so that you don’t rag on my husband. He works a lot. & I mean a lot. Like from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. We don’t really go on dates lately & I take care of Monkey pretty much all of the time. Obviously, this is not what we both want, but it is what is needed so that he can get his business going… You know, like putting in time now to reap the rewards in the future.
Point is that we are 100% on the same page about everything. We know that it won’t always be like this & that it just continues to get better.
But, I’m not going to lie, it’s hard at times… Like this afternoon.
It was 4pm & I hadn’t eaten lunch yet. I was starving. Monkey & I had been running errands all day so he was hungry & a bit cranky from missing out on a good, solid nap in the afternoon. Our dog was crying because he was hungry too. I was sitting on the floor in the living room, trying to eat my Weight Watchers frozen meal & was about to lose my mind.
Monkey was in his jumperoo because I was hoping that would keep him entertained for the five minutes it took to scarf my food down. My dog kept rubbing his nose on my leg because he wanted food. And Tarzan was just laying on the couch with his laptop completely oblivious to what was going on. I was pissed.
I got up, took my food into our bedroom, & shut the door. I was only in there for maybe three minutes but it was nice to sit there in the quietness & just take it all in. I came back out, fed our dog, made a bottle, & fed my son. My husband was still on his laptop.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I get that he has to work. But I told him prior to going into our bedroom to eat, “Go upstairs & work in your office.” It’s too hard for me to have him in the living room or at the kitchen table during the day. He’s there, so I expect him to help. It’s that simple. If he was upstairs, he would be out of my sight & I feel like I would have a better grip on everything.
I think times like these are normal though & I try my very best to not let it bother me. I know that I’m so happy that I get to stay at home with my son & I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s just a bit overwhelming when things are going crazy from all ends & I’m just one person. I can only do so much & take care of so many people/dogs. You know?
Right when my little alarm clock (Monkey) wakes me up, my day starts. I change his diaper, change his clothes, make his bottle. While his bottle is warming, I unload the dishwasher and then reload it if necessary. I don’t have time to really wake up and take my time. It starts right away.
After I feed Monkey I put him in the bumbo & get my breakfast ready. I get out two bowls for cereal/oatmeal, three spoons (cereal & coffee), two coffee mugs, two pods for the Keurig, and the agave nectar that we use. I put everything on the island in our kitchen & go fill up the coffee for the Keurig.
Once my cereal is made & my coffee is ready, I put Monkey in his crib & turn on his mobile. It plays for exactly 20 minutes, so that’s how long I have to eat my breakfast & drink my coffee. When the mobile turns off, I get him from his crib & change his diaper. Then he plays in the jumperoo for 10-20 minutes. Then we play on the floor with his toys, do neck exercises, & tummy time.
And then it’s time for his next bottle and his first nap of the day. By this time, two hours has already passed.
During his nap, I do laundry & clean up around the house. I pick up things from the night before. Take the dog outside. Take a shower. Check my blog, Facebook, Twitter, & People.com.
I’ll spare you the rest of the play-by-play of my day, but basically I am there for my son when he’s awake. I’m always taking care of him, my husband, or the dog. Tarzan works all of the time, so Monkey is my job, if you will. From the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed, all seven days of the week. It’s the most exhausting job I’ve ever had & the worst paying one too, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
I will say that I cannot wait until my husband has a little more free time though. I know that it’s hard for him to not be spending so much time with Monkey & that makes me sad. When I told him to go upstairs in his office today, he told me that he likes being downstairs with us so that he can be around still.
I know that he’s working so hard now for our family & that’s why I’m okay with it. I don’t know too many people who would be okay without ever really having a break, but it seems to be working… Until I have little breakdowns & need to eat lunch in my bedroom for some peace & quiet. And then blog about it all to get it off of my chest. 
You might also want to read:
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- Thoughts running through my mind about not being pregnant
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- 40 things about what to expect after labor and delivery, childbirth, and coming home that no one told me
I think being a SAHM is the best thing for your child...I hope that one day when I have kids I am lucky enough to do it. My mom stayed at home, and my dad worked from home and at 29 I still feel blessed to have had them around. My mom was able to chaperone field trips and my dad was around when I came home form school...I think your monkey will also be blessed.
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