Right after Monkey was born I wished, more than anything, that I had a job to return to after maternity leave. Obviously there were a lot of issues (postpartum depression, anyone?) going on within me to make me dread hanging out with my son & wishing for a job that I didn’t have.
So now, being 17 weeks into being a stay at home mom, are my feelings still the same? Not at all.
But, are there days or moments in the day when I wish I could escape? Absolutely. Especially this afternoon.
Before I get into the story, I just want to say that my husband and I are in agreement with one another. We have a unique situation in that neither of us work from 8am-5pm. We both stay at home & we are both extremely busy. Right after Monkey was born, Tarzan started a new company & he’s been really busy.
I’m telling you this so that you don’t rag on my husband. He works a lot. & I mean a lot. Like from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. We don’t really go on dates lately & I take care of Monkey pretty much all of the time. Obviously, this is not what we both want, but it is what is needed so that he can get his business going… You know, like putting in time now to reap the rewards in the future.
Point is that we are 100% on the same page about everything. We know that it won’t always be like this & that it just continues to get better.
But, I’m not going to lie, it’s hard at times… Like this afternoon.
It was 4pm & I hadn’t eaten lunch yet. I was starving. Monkey & I had been running errands all day so he was hungry & a bit cranky from missing out on a good, solid nap in the afternoon. Our dog was crying because he was hungry too. I was sitting on the floor in the living room, trying to eat my Weight Watchers frozen meal & was about to lose my mind.
Monkey was in his jumperoo because I was hoping that would keep him entertained for the five minutes it took to scarf my food down. My dog kept rubbing his nose on my leg because he wanted food. And Tarzan was just laying on the couch with his laptop completely oblivious to what was going on. I was pissed.
I got up, took my food into our bedroom, & shut the door. I was only in there for maybe three minutes but it was nice to sit there in the quietness & just take it all in. I came back out, fed our dog, made a bottle, & fed my son. My husband was still on his laptop.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I get that he has to work. But I told him prior to going into our bedroom to eat, “Go upstairs & work in your office.” It’s too hard for me to have him in the living room or at the kitchen table during the day. He’s there, so I expect him to help. It’s that simple. If he was upstairs, he would be out of my sight & I feel like I would have a better grip on everything.
I think times like these are normal though & I try my very best to not let it bother me. I know that I’m so happy that I get to stay at home with my son & I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s just a bit overwhelming when things are going crazy from all ends & I’m just one person. I can only do so much & take care of so many people/dogs. You know?
Right when my little alarm clock (Monkey) wakes me up, my day starts. I change his diaper, change his clothes, make his bottle. While his bottle is warming, I unload the dishwasher and then reload it if necessary. I don’t have time to really wake up and take my time. It starts right away.
After I feed Monkey I put him in the bumbo & get my breakfast ready. I get out two bowls for cereal/oatmeal, three spoons (cereal & coffee), two coffee mugs, two pods for the Keurig, and the agave nectar that we use. I put everything on the island in our kitchen & go fill up the coffee for the Keurig.
Once my cereal is made & my coffee is ready, I put Monkey in his crib & turn on his mobile. It plays for exactly 20 minutes, so that’s how long I have to eat my breakfast & drink my coffee. When the mobile turns off, I get him from his crib & change his diaper. Then he plays in the jumperoo for 10-20 minutes. Then we play on the floor with his toys, do neck exercises, & tummy time.
And then it’s time for his next bottle and his first nap of the day. By this time, two hours has already passed.
During his nap, I do laundry & clean up around the house. I pick up things from the night before. Take the dog outside. Take a shower. Check my blog, Facebook, Twitter, & People.com.
I’ll spare you the rest of the play-by-play of my day, but basically I am there for my son when he’s awake. I’m always taking care of him, my husband, or the dog. Tarzan works all of the time, so Monkey is my job, if you will. From the time he wakes up until the time he goes to bed, all seven days of the week. It’s the most exhausting job I’ve ever had & the worst paying one too, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.
I will say that I cannot wait until my husband has a little more free time though. I know that it’s hard for him to not be spending so much time with Monkey & that makes me sad. When I told him to go upstairs in his office today, he told me that he likes being downstairs with us so that he can be around still.
I know that he’s working so hard now for our family & that’s why I’m okay with it. I don’t know too many people who would be okay without ever really having a break, but it seems to be working… Until I have little breakdowns & need to eat lunch in my bedroom for some peace & quiet. And then blog about it all to get it off of my chest. 
You might also want to read:
- First date night post baby, makeup, and what do stay at home moms do?
- Thoughts from a hurt daughter: What does it take to win a dad’s love?
- 40 things about what to expect after labor and delivery, childbirth, and coming home that no one told me
- Do you stick to a strict schedule when feeding solids to your baby?
- Late period & reflections of being pregnant the first time around
= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s funny… I was just talking to my brother yesterday about him working at home- with his wife and kid. It takes a ton of determination from the both of you- for him to stay focused and motivated, and for you to not want to jump down his throat! lol
All I can say is good for you guys! I know I would have a hard time with the whole situation, but I am very glad it is working out for you guys.
Aww, Jane, I’m sorry. I read a lot of “Mommy blogs” and from what I’ve read these days seem to happen to most moms. It sounds like you are doing an awesome job being the best mom you can be for Monkey. I guess the only thing you can do during these tough moments is keep reminding yourself things will get better. I’m not a mom, but I do babysit quite a bit and a lot of the time I am more than glad to hand the babies, toddlers, etc. back to the parents after a few hours. I can definitely understand how it can get really stressful having another person totally dependent on you 24/7. I don’t know if you go to a gym at all, but I know moms that go to their gym that has a nursery and for an hour or so they get a little break and have “me” time while they work out and their children are looked after. But don’t be too hard on yourself or Tarzan, it sounds like yall are giving Monkey everything he needs and that’s what matters. Best wishes!
Let me tell you what happened today… but a little back story first. Our baby was a surprise for us, my husband is a food server while he is in college and I worked full time 9-5. And we decided that I would leave my job and stay at home to raise my son. “Gulp”. After several weeks of difficulty in the beginning with breastfeeding, we have finally gotten it “down” and now my baby refuses the bottle. I still pump and store in the freezer for future use. Like if we ever want to go out on a date or have a sitter. Now I usually will take my son with me, but today I pumped a bottle and left it with my husband while I went out to run some errands. I figured that if he was hungry enough he would remember how to suck from the bottle and would do so if I wasn’t there. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m walking out of the grocery store and I get a frantic call from my husband with our baby screaming through the phone. “Are you almost home??? He won’t take the bottle, and all he wants is you.” The funny part is, we had just had the conversation a few nights ago while on a walk that I needed to leave him with my husband once in a while so he isn’t so dependent on me. I have had the fear that no one will take care of him like I will and he will starve or something. Which I know isn’t true, my husband is great with him. But because I am with him 24/7 no one else can comfort him the same. So consequently it seems like I can’t ever go anywhere for very long. I love being home with him, but it is definitely hard work. Especially since he isn’t sleeping through the night yet. I definitely can relate to you on several levels. Its nice to vent a little and let it out sometime. Thx.
Jane I hear you,
but i am on the other end of the stick
my partner works 2 hours from home monday to friday and is so exhausted of a night I dont get much help at all I am not complaining because he is bringing in the money but since little one has arrived nearly 4 months ago he has changed 3 nappies. Not once has gotten up to her cries in the night and refuses to get up early on the weekend with me to tend to the baby.. he has never given her a bath and I am still breast feeding so he has never had to feed I have only left him alone with her for like 15 mins at the most to have a shower and just about everytime when i get out of the shower he is standing at the door holding her saying shestarted crying as soon as I left the room. Sometimes I feel a single mum. but i know he is trying to get better. Well he has to I am going to my works Christmas party next week and leaving him to look after her for atleast 4 hours so .. Its a challenge but i love every moment of being a mum I just hate that he misses out on so many things she does
I recently (2 weeks ago) returned to work….prior to that, I had moments where the staying at home part was killer…I felt like I never had a break, and worried I’d lose my sanity. Now I’m gone 12 hours a day for 3 days a week and it’s hard – super hard – to be away from my baby. The only upside being that when I’m home with him for the rest of the week, I enjoy every moment. Even if he’s having the worst day ever, I’m just thrilled to be there with him.
Point being – sometimes you just need a break. No matter how much you love being a SAHM, there’s going to be moments where you need to get away for a little bit for your own sanity, whether it’s 5 minutes in the shower or a couple hours at the gym or whatever. As hard as it is to leave them, it’s the best feeling ever coming back home!
Also – a lot of the marital strain we’re going through stemmed from me needing so much from my husband when he was home. He didn’t have an opportunity to do anything for himself either, because the minute he was home, I was needing that break from him so badly that he’d have to put everything on hold until I got my break. We’re in the middle of home renovations (that we are stupidly doing ourselves) and he hasn’t been able to work on them at all since the baby came. Now that I don’t need quite so much ‘relieving’, he’s able to get more done around the house. It’s been a win-win situation. Regardless of all these positives, I still have my days where I wish I could quit and stay at home. Espeically since he doesn’t hardly eat while I’m away. But that’s a whole other story..
i read this snarky tip list on staying at home w/ your kids and the one that stuck with me was:
“Don’t do chores when your baby naps….it’s soul crushing.” SO true. I think of that on stressful days and then tell my husband ‘I’ll clean tomorrow’.
Hi,
Here’s my situation. I’m a full time elementary school teacher off for a year on maternity leave. I thought being at home with the baby would be easy and I was really looking forward to being off work for a year with my baby. Boy, was I wrong! My day is very much like Jane’s. From the moment Natty wakes up to until she falls asleep, I’m constantly on the go. If you’re not looking after the baby, you’re looking after the house or doing chores. Somewhere in there, you try to fit in a little “me” time.
My husband works shift work and his schedule is such that he works two, 12 hour day shifts and then two, 12 hour night shifts. Then, he’s off for four days straight. During the day shifts, he leaves when Natty is sleeping and he gets home when she’s sleeping. Night shifts are better (at least he sees her) , but he’s so tired in the morning that he’s in no condition to look after her. I feel like I’m a single mom all the time. I just had a huge fight with him about this the other day and it was hard for me to ask him for more help, but I did because I felt like I was drowning. I also understand that we are living off one income and he’s working hard to bring home the bacon so we can live a comfortable life…It’s just hard to understand this when you’ve had a long day with baby crying non-stop. Don’t get me wrong, I do realize and appreciate the help he gives me when he can. But, I also learned that it’s okay to ask for more. I already see him helping out a little more. Now that I’ve stopped breastfeeding, it’s easier for him to help with the feedings as well.
I think SAHM’s have the HARDEST and most important job in the world. My mom was a SAHM and now that I have a baby of my own I truly appreciate and respect her decision to stay at home to raise all three of us. If I didn’t have to, I would be a SAHM too, but I must go back to work. However, I’m really lucky that I enjoy what I do and I have my position waiting for me next year.
Girl I’m with ya. My husband works oh so hard for us, and has a very stressful job that keeps him from home. But when he is home, he is a huge help. Sometimes though he’s so tired from work that he doesn’t have the energy to help me out and I do admit, I get frustrated. The past week has been bad with my insane hormones. Tonight I was rocking our baby but was also trying to cook dinner. I had J take him, and then baby started crying. J said,”I don’t have boobies, so he doesn’t like me”. I was like “ok then get your a** in here and cook then”. He was picking on me but i was only halfway picking on him. This escalated into a minor argument as we both misunderstood each other. Exhaustion makes for a grumpy couple lol
Regardless it’s great you guys are on the same page and it’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. i think if we didn’t get frustrated, no matter how great we love being stay at home moms, there would be something wrong with us.
I avoid doing chores while he’s sleeping as much as possible. That’s my “me” time. I get on the internet (he’s napping right now, lol!), read, watch a snippet of a Netflix movie, take a shower or work on a personal project. That way, I get a pretty good amount of time thru the day to do what I want. Also, I relax after he goes to bed. Otherwise, it’s too much to just be slaving away the entire day without so much as a break.
While he’s up, I do the chores and play with him. He watches me like he’d watch TV, lol! He “helps” me do the laundry, cook dinner, wash dishes. Hell, he even watches me on the treadmill! I have chairs for him in every room of the house and I just pull it up near whatever I’m doing and we sing and talk while I’m doing it. I explain what I’m doing too. So basically, when he’s up, I’m “working”, well sort of. He watches me eat breakfast too.
Try to wear monkey in a sling or a wrap. That way you can be close to him and still get stuff done. It works wonders for me and my 15 week old
I think being a SAHM is the best thing for your child…I hope that one day when I have kids I am lucky enough to do it. My mom stayed at home, and my dad worked from home and at 29 I still feel blessed to have had them around. My mom was able to chaperone field trips and my dad was around when I came home form school…I think your monkey will also be blessed.