Comments on: Does my mom just like to complain or am I doing this first-time mom thing wrong? http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong Pregnancy and baby blog, a couple shares their true story into parenthood. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:19:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Conor Climo http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-70626 Conor Climo Sun, 05 Sep 2010 07:12:16 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-70626 Listen and reply to this, my mother and my sister are going all out on each other, and, since the day my father got mad at my mother, my mother began telling me all about how she was doing financially, and then stumbled on a topic that pissed me off, my mother said that if she had recieved a e-mail from my father from my sister, then she will punish my father in her way, for my sister, try to guess what happens, it has to do with my sister being released from my family. If you had figured it out, then it would be that my mother would emancipate my sister from my family, and I am stuck in the middle of all this B.S. and I find out that my sister would not have a future because my mother, on the concept of my sister mailing something from my father, had done a Bull crap excuse for a move. Listen and reply to this, my mother and my sister are going all out on each other, and, since the day my father got mad at my mother, my mother began telling me all about how she was doing financially, and then stumbled on a topic that pissed me off, my mother said that if she had recieved a e-mail from my father from my sister, then she will punish my father in her way, for my sister, try to guess what happens, it has to do with my sister being released from my family. If you had figured it out, then it would be that my mother would emancipate my sister from my family, and I am stuck in the middle of all this B.S. and I find out that my sister would not have a future because my mother, on the concept of my sister mailing something from my father, had done a Bull crap excuse for a move.

]]> By: Ace Boogie http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-69690 Ace Boogie Fri, 27 Aug 2010 18:02:55 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-69690 In all honesty I have to give u props for dealing with her as well as you have. From your post I feel you have tried your hardest and can not stand it anymore. I completely understand what you are going through. I too am an adult with an extremely overbearing mother. I will tell you this I quickly found out that she is NOT going to change no matter what I try. She tells out right lies about my siblings and myself to other siblings/family members. Always shelling out unwanted advice which seems more like her opinion rather than sound advice, and most of the time she has no clue what shes talking about and talks down to people also without knowing. When she is notified that the "way" she says things is a little inappropriate she flips out and all hell breaks loose. She has made tons mistakes in life and never apologized for it (was slapped at age 11 for a curse word my sister said, she split my lip open). Idk why but my sister actually owned up this time and told my mom that it was her not I. My sister got 2 slaps one for cursing and the other "for making me slap your brother" I got no apology, was sent to my room til i stop bleeding, wtf? Idk if your mom is anything similar but as an adult I know I had a terrible childhood, sounds like you had a rough one due to your parents inability to be "adults" and watch their behavior around their children. You and I were both robbed of our childhood. Please dont let her ruin your adult life. Make a stand, and stand your ground. Let her know the way she acts and the things she says when she is present is completely unacceptable and change needs to happen, if not then she is risking her relationship with you/grandbaby. If you present this to her in the most respectable way possible and she still refuses/doesn't comply. Then in a sense she chose being bitchy over having a healthy meaningful relationship with her daughter and grandchild. In all honesty I have to give u props for dealing with her as well as you have. From your post I feel you have tried your hardest and can not stand it anymore. I completely understand what you are going through. I too am an adult with an extremely overbearing mother. I will tell you this I quickly found out that she is NOT going to change no matter what I try. She tells out right lies about my siblings and myself to other siblings/family members. Always shelling out unwanted advice which seems more like her opinion rather than sound advice, and most of the time she has no clue what shes talking about and talks down to people also without knowing. When she is notified that the “way” she says things is a little inappropriate she flips out and all hell breaks loose. She has made tons mistakes in life and never apologized for it (was slapped at age 11 for a curse word my sister said, she split my lip open). Idk why but my sister actually owned up this time and told my mom that it was her not I. My sister got 2 slaps one for cursing and the other “for making me slap your brother” I got no apology, was sent to my room til i stop bleeding, wtf?
Idk if your mom is anything similar but as an adult I know I had a terrible childhood, sounds like you had a rough one due to your parents inability to be “adults” and watch their behavior around their children. You and I were both robbed of our childhood. Please dont let her ruin your adult life. Make a stand, and stand your ground. Let her know the way she acts and the things she says when she is present is completely unacceptable and change needs to happen, if not then she is risking her relationship with you/grandbaby. If you present this to her in the most respectable way possible and she still refuses/doesn’t comply. Then in a sense she chose being bitchy over having a healthy meaningful relationship with her daughter and grandchild.

]]> By: M http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-34995 M Wed, 24 Mar 2010 12:41:34 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-34995 To Daccota: I've got to be frank with you here - it sounds like your mom is trying to share her experiences of being pregnant and having kids with you - not trying to criticize you. Your entire post sounds like a spoiled brat taking slapping away her mother's outstretched hands. I'd kill for a mom who wanted to share her experiences with me in a non-judgmental way the way your mother is doing here. In your allergy example, your mom isn't comparing you to herself, she's trying to share her experience with you so you can discuss your pregnancies together. Grow up and get over yourself. You'll have to if you want to be a good mother to your own child. To Daccota: I’ve got to be frank with you here – it sounds like your mom is trying to share her experiences of being pregnant and having kids with you – not trying to criticize you. Your entire post sounds like a spoiled brat taking slapping away her mother’s outstretched hands. I’d kill for a mom who wanted to share her experiences with me in a non-judgmental way the way your mother is doing here. In your allergy example, your mom isn’t comparing you to herself, she’s trying to share her experience with you so you can discuss your pregnancies together. Grow up and get over yourself. You’ll have to if you want to be a good mother to your own child.

]]> By: Daccota http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-34944 Daccota Wed, 24 Mar 2010 01:09:43 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-34944 I am so glad I'm not the only one with these concerns. I'm 34 weeks pregnant right now, but since finding out I was pregnant I've been going nuts knowing my mom is going to constantly be judging me, my child, and my parenting skills to that of her or my brother and his wife and kids. And so far I haven't been wrong. Just prior to getting pregnant I was visiting (I live across the country) and had my dog with me. Now that dog could eat 50 lbs of food in one sitting if given half a chance, so I strictly measured the food. My mom would whine about how hungry the dog looked and pretty much made it seem like I was neglecting my dog to not allow it to eat every bite of food it would eat. And being stupid enough to not want to fight or be in trouble with my dad for arguing, fed the dog more than three times what she needed. Two weeks later I had a dead dog from intestinal failure. After that incident and seeing that my mom obviously thinks that at 27 I can't handle taking care of a dog (never mind that none of my other dogs who've never been near her have ever had any health problems), I've been convinced she won't think I can handle my own child. My daughter isn't even born yet and my mom is already giving me her "expert opinion" and comparing me to others. I'm one of the ones who's allergies have gotten much worse during pregnancy. I've been mentioning this on the phone and in e-mails since I was 10 weeks along. Yet even still my mom will sound shocked that my nose is stuffy when I'm on the phone. When I remind her it's only allergies that've gotten worse she respons "Oh, mine got better when I was pregnant" as if I must be doing something wrong in life to make mine worse. And last week when I had vacation and was mentioning that I had more work to do around the house than I did at work, she commented how I need to be sure to get everything ready before my daughter is born....DUH! As if I don't already know that I'm going to want things set up, baby clothes cleaned and ready, plenty of my own clean clothes, etc rather than messing with those chores after the baby is born. What takes the cake is when I would comment how my daughter likes to start her kicking when I lay down for the night, my mom told me how she would constantly poek and jostle my siblings and I while we were in utero,during the day to keep us awake, and how we all slept through the night by the time we were a week old. Sorry Charlie, I don't buy it and haven't won't try it. I've wondered what the chances are that she'll back off once my little one is born. However, I think I've always been aware that she's never going to back off, and reading all your comments here have just confirmed that she's going to be nosy and try to run my life. The only thing I can say is thankfully for the time being I'm across the country (won't be subjected to it regularly), and even when I move (a planned move for over a year now), I'll be 13 hrs away (well, 13 hrs without a baby to tend to, probably two days with a baby). And I when I do make the drive to visit for holidays, I've already decided I'm getting a motel for the duration of my stays. There's no way I can handle 24 / 7 nitpicking about how I'm raising my own child if I were to stay at my parents house. That and they don't have room for me and a baby and all our stuff. My sister and her four kids have been living there "temporarily" for over two years, and while my folks keep saying they are moving out, I think my nieces and nephews (all under 10 now) will graduate highschool in that house! When it was only me, I usually ended up on a make-shift bed on the floor in my dad's office, which was fine for just me, but won't be fine for me and a baby. @Mindy ~ I can relate. My birth mother (I'm adopted) and I are trying to build a relationship, but she is a keptomanic (steals stuff....any stuff....with no reasoning or remorse), so it's rocky. But she'll visit now and then and complain about her allergies to my dogs the entire time she's here (anywhere from during one day to a week). I've bought her allergy meds, which she admits does help, she just doesn't want to take them. She'll wait until she's already feeling ill from her allergies before she takes one, then complain about how long it's taking to kick in. I am so glad I’m not the only one with these concerns.

I’m 34 weeks pregnant right now, but since finding out I was pregnant I’ve been going nuts knowing my mom is going to constantly be judging me, my child, and my parenting skills to that of her or my brother and his wife and kids. And so far I haven’t been wrong.

Just prior to getting pregnant I was visiting (I live across the country) and had my dog with me. Now that dog could eat 50 lbs of food in one sitting if given half a chance, so I strictly measured the food. My mom would whine about how hungry the dog looked and pretty much made it seem like I was neglecting my dog to not allow it to eat every bite of food it would eat. And being stupid enough to not want to fight or be in trouble with my dad for arguing, fed the dog more than three times what she needed. Two weeks later I had a dead dog from intestinal failure.

After that incident and seeing that my mom obviously thinks that at 27 I can’t handle taking care of a dog (never mind that none of my other dogs who’ve never been near her have ever had any health problems), I’ve been convinced she won’t think I can handle my own child.

My daughter isn’t even born yet and my mom is already giving me her “expert opinion” and comparing me to others. I’m one of the ones who’s allergies have gotten much worse during pregnancy. I’ve been mentioning this on the phone and in e-mails since I was 10 weeks along. Yet even still my mom will sound shocked that my nose is stuffy when I’m on the phone. When I remind her it’s only allergies that’ve gotten worse she respons “Oh, mine got better when I was pregnant” as if I must be doing something wrong in life to make mine worse.

And last week when I had vacation and was mentioning that I had more work to do around the house than I did at work, she commented how I need to be sure to get everything ready before my daughter is born….DUH! As if I don’t already know that I’m going to want things set up, baby clothes cleaned and ready, plenty of my own clean clothes, etc rather than messing with those chores after the baby is born.

What takes the cake is when I would comment how my daughter likes to start her kicking when I lay down for the night, my mom told me how she would constantly poek and jostle my siblings and I while we were in utero,during the day to keep us awake, and how we all slept through the night by the time we were a week old. Sorry Charlie, I don’t buy it and haven’t won’t try it.

I’ve wondered what the chances are that she’ll back off once my little one is born. However, I think I’ve always been aware that she’s never going to back off, and reading all your comments here have just confirmed that she’s going to be nosy and try to run my life. The only thing I can say is thankfully for the time being I’m across the country (won’t be subjected to it regularly), and even when I move (a planned move for over a year now), I’ll be 13 hrs away (well, 13 hrs without a baby to tend to, probably two days with a baby). And I when I do make the drive to visit for holidays, I’ve already decided I’m getting a motel for the duration of my stays. There’s no way I can handle 24 / 7 nitpicking about how I’m raising my own child if I were to stay at my parents house. That and they don’t have room for me and a baby and all our stuff. My sister and her four kids have been living there “temporarily” for over two years, and while my folks keep saying they are moving out, I think my nieces and nephews (all under 10 now) will graduate highschool in that house! When it was only me, I usually ended up on a make-shift bed on the floor in my dad’s office, which was fine for just me, but won’t be fine for me and a baby.

@Mindy ~ I can relate. My birth mother (I’m adopted) and I are trying to build a relationship, but she is a keptomanic (steals stuff….any stuff….with no reasoning or remorse), so it’s rocky. But she’ll visit now and then and complain about her allergies to my dogs the entire time she’s here (anywhere from during one day to a week). I’ve bought her allergy meds, which she admits does help, she just doesn’t want to take them. She’ll wait until she’s already feeling ill from her allergies before she takes one, then complain about how long it’s taking to kick in.

]]> By: MindyKoob http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-26046 MindyKoob Tue, 12 Jan 2010 11:43:28 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-26046 LOL @ MMC!! Rockin'! Your mom is one in two, with my mom being number 2. She makes me NUTS! Not to mention my MIL does the whole "we never get to see him" thing when she LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN!! I've told her she can stop by ANYTIME, but because we have cats, and she "claims" she's allergic, she won't. She told us to get rid of our cats. I say take a claritin lol You're not alone, love. All I know is that my mom is here to keep tylenol in business, and I PRAY my son NEVER feels that way about me! LOL @ MMC!! Rockin’!

Your mom is one in two, with my mom being number 2. She makes me NUTS! Not to mention my MIL does the whole “we never get to see him” thing when she LIVES IN THE SAME TOWN!! I’ve told her she can stop by ANYTIME, but because we have cats, and she “claims” she’s allergic, she won’t. She told us to get rid of our cats. I say take a claritin lol

You’re not alone, love. All I know is that my mom is here to keep tylenol in business, and I PRAY my son NEVER feels that way about me!

]]> By: Diana http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-25458 Diana Fri, 08 Jan 2010 01:13:15 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-25458 I ran across this blog when I was searching for others who have the same problem. Reading your blog was like reading my own. I finally wrote a letter to my mom, explaining how I felt about her always being so negative to me about every little thing and getting in my business (literally, my husband and I have a coffee shop), telling me what I should and shouldn't do, telling me how my house needs improvements, etc. She wrote me a letter back (we live a half hour away) that was on the defense of everything I had said. It's like she didn't have a clue, she missed the point entirely. Now I don't know what to do. I've kept my mouth shut about everything she's been over-opinionated about and my husband, sister and brother-in-law, and cousins feel the same way. My aunts and uncles are the same as my mom. If it's not what they would do, it's bad. And now that my grandpa died, they are taking over my grandma's finances and everything. They threw away many things of my grandma's because they were "helping her clean out her cluttery house." Those were HER things--they had no right to touch them. You're not being childish about being annoyed at your mother. And I don't think that you dislike your mom and it's causing a problem--what your mom is doing is making you dislike her. All we want is to be accepted the way we are and when the people who we love the most are always saying negative things and pointing out every little thing that we are doing "wrong" in their opinion, it makes us feel unaccepted and rejected. I ran across this blog when I was searching for others who have the same problem. Reading your blog was like reading my own. I finally wrote a letter to my mom, explaining how I felt about her always being so negative to me about every little thing and getting in my business (literally, my husband and I have a coffee shop), telling me what I should and shouldn’t do, telling me how my house needs improvements, etc. She wrote me a letter back (we live a half hour away) that was on the defense of everything I had said. It’s like she didn’t have a clue, she missed the point entirely. Now I don’t know what to do. I’ve kept my mouth shut about everything she’s been over-opinionated about and my husband, sister and brother-in-law, and cousins feel the same way. My aunts and uncles are the same as my mom. If it’s not what they would do, it’s bad. And now that my grandpa died, they are taking over my grandma’s finances and everything. They threw away many things of my grandma’s because they were “helping her clean out her cluttery house.” Those were HER things–they had no right to touch them.
You’re not being childish about being annoyed at your mother. And I don’t think that you dislike your mom and it’s causing a problem–what your mom is doing is making you dislike her.

All we want is to be accepted the way we are and when the people who we love the most are always saying negative things and pointing out every little thing that we are doing “wrong” in their opinion, it makes us feel unaccepted and rejected.

]]> By: Sadie http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-24559 Sadie Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:22:29 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-24559 Wow, These sound like a lot of harsh comments about mothers on a website that's dedicated to motherhood and parenthood. No, I don't have a perfect relationship with my mother, but I try to be patient with her and my MIL, because I know that they bore us and raised us in hardship and difficulty (physical, emotional, financial), and now as I am bearing my own child, I have a new level of respect for them. We just have to be patient, because remember, no matter how great a mom we think we are, one day Monkey will be grown up and something about you will get on his last nerve too. Wow,
These sound like a lot of harsh comments about mothers on a website that’s dedicated to motherhood and parenthood. No, I don’t have a perfect relationship with my mother, but I try to be patient with her and my MIL, because I know that they bore us and raised us in hardship and difficulty (physical, emotional, financial), and now as I am bearing my own child, I have a new level of respect for them. We just have to be patient, because remember, no matter how great a mom we think we are, one day Monkey will be grown up and something about you will get on his last nerve too.

]]> By: Cindi http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-23844 Cindi Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:16:09 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-23844 Sounds like my mother in law. Her comments bring my blood to a boil. Although, over the years, I have toned her out. The only ones who can change is us. No way they will ever take responsibility for their hurtful comments. Sounds like my mother in law. Her comments bring my blood to a boil. Although, over the years, I have toned her out. The only ones who can change is us. No way they will ever take responsibility for their hurtful comments.

]]> By: Tracey http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-2#comment-23724 Tracey Mon, 21 Dec 2009 20:29:40 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-23724 Ha ha! This happens to almost all of us to some degree. My mom is usually pretty good about letting me do my own thing with my kids but she always says things like "I wish I could give you chocolate but I don't think your mom would approve" starting when my daughter was about 9 months. In fact, the other grandmother thinks our commitment to healthy eating is tantamount to child abuse! My favorite is without fail, every time I put my son into my beco butterfly, Mom says "he doesn't look comfortable in there". Please, my son is not the stoic type, if he wasn't happy he wouldn't hesitate to let us know. Or perhaps I'm wrong to take the cooing and smiling to mean he's happy. Laugh it off Jane, and vent to the masses! Ha ha! This happens to almost all of us to some degree. My mom is usually pretty good about letting me do my own thing with my kids but she always says things like “I wish I could give you chocolate but I don’t think your mom would approve” starting when my daughter was about 9 months. In fact, the other grandmother thinks our commitment to healthy eating is tantamount to child abuse!

My favorite is without fail, every time I put my son into my beco butterfly, Mom says “he doesn’t look comfortable in there”. Please, my son is not the stoic type, if he wasn’t happy he wouldn’t hesitate to let us know. Or perhaps I’m wrong to take the cooing and smiling to mean he’s happy.

Laugh it off Jane, and vent to the masses!

]]> By: Minnie42 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3322/does-my-mom-just-like-to-complain-or-am-i-doing-this-first-time-mom-thing-wrong/comment-page-1#comment-23598 Minnie42 Sun, 20 Dec 2009 06:39:02 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3322#comment-23598 Well, I agree with you. I have always believed in moving away (at least a few hours away) from your parents and in laws. To me it's just a part of growing up and forming your own family. My mom understands this because my dad's job always kept us living apart from there parents, but my MIL definately doesn't understand. Except my husband, all her kids and grandchildren live minutes from her house. It's killing her not to be here all the time. I sympathize, but I know for my sanity and my hubby's we could not live so close to either of our mothers(and 1 hour is nothing). My mom drives me nuts sometimes too. My parents stayed in town for a month after the baby was born. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful having the help when I needed it most. My dad cooked for us and they watched the baby everyday so I could take a shower. I was very lucky for the help. That being said, at times I wanted to scream at my mom. For example, 5 days after I gave birth my mom told me to stop wearing maternity clothes and dress in something nice. Are you kidding? I couldn't fit into anything in my closet. Like I didn't feel bad enough at that point. Of course all of our complaints are completely legit, but I bet in 20 or 30 years my little one will have some pretty strong complaints about me too. Oh well, that's life. PS What is dangerous about changing the baby in the car? It was parked right. Well, I agree with you. I have always believed in moving away (at least a few hours away) from your parents and in laws. To me it’s just a part of growing up and forming your own family. My mom understands this because my dad’s job always kept us living apart from there parents, but my MIL definately doesn’t understand. Except my husband, all her kids and grandchildren live minutes from her house. It’s killing her not to be here all the time. I sympathize, but I know for my sanity and my hubby’s we could not live so close to either of our mothers(and 1 hour is nothing).
My mom drives me nuts sometimes too. My parents stayed in town for a month after the baby was born. Don’t get me wrong, it was wonderful having the help when I needed it most. My dad cooked for us and they watched the baby everyday so I could take a shower. I was very lucky for the help. That being said, at times I wanted to scream at my mom. For example, 5 days after I gave birth my mom told me to stop wearing maternity clothes and dress in something nice. Are you kidding? I couldn’t fit into anything in my closet. Like I didn’t feel bad enough at that point.
Of course all of our complaints are completely legit, but I bet in 20 or 30 years my little one will have some pretty strong complaints about me too. Oh well, that’s life.
PS What is dangerous about changing the baby in the car? It was parked right.

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