Comments on: Missing out on a bachelorette party because of my baby? Me? Really?!

By: Emily

Emily — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:42:16 +0000

Wow! I am a mother of one, a ten month old little boy. One of my friends from college is having her bachelorette party, and I wrote the day down wrong. No one can watch my son, and I got this nasty phone call from the bride about how “she’s going to be selfish about this and not feel bad.” Whatever! I am not comfortable leaving my son for the night either, and then to get a nasty call from the bride just solidifies my feelings that my presence won’t be missed anyway.

By: Desiree

Desiree — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:45:11 +0000

I really love your blog! I have a 4.5 month old son and I am in the same situation. I just told my dear friend that I would not be able to attend her destination wedding. While I was pregnant I told her I would be there, and I could not imagine missing the event. I know that she must be really hurt, but I can not leave my baby and be a 4 hour plane ride away from him. What if something happened? We could never get there fast enough, he is just too little. We even thought of bringing him, but can you imagine traveling that distance with a small baby? Anyway, I think you made the right choice! It was really hard for my husband and I to come to this decision because we love our friend so much, but once you have a baby he comes first. Good for you!

By: Jessica

Jessica — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:59:28 +0000

I think you made the right decision, because it is clearly what makes you most comfortable at this moment in time. I have a 5 month old son as well, so I can totally relate! I said the same things. That I would never become “that parent”. However motherhood is SO much different than what I expected it to be. The truth is, it changes you, your life, and your priorities. There have been many events that I skipped recently including my 10 year reunion, an annual Halloween party hosted by friends that I have always attended, friends’ birthday parties, etc. I know certain people don’t understand, or think that I am turning into “one of them”, but I don’t care. I don’t regret skipping these events one bit. I am doing what I know is best for me and my son. Its such a personal decision, and it just depends on your comfort level. Don’t do something you are not comfortable with out of guilt or pressure. The time will come when you will feel like a night out more often…until then, enjoy your precious little monkey! It will go by so fast.

By: Siera

Siera — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 05:52:22 +0000

I gave up a trip to vegas as I wasn’t ready to leave my nearly one year old son at the time. Kid’s change you. A few months later I was ready to leave him when I knew he could be comforted ny someone else than me. Your feelings are normal.

By: Peta

Peta — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 11:52:42 +0000

Jane,
do what ever suits you there is no right or wrong thing to do here, I have not left my little one over night yet either and I do now feel ready to take that step. My sister on the other hand would jump at the chance but we are all different. I had to leave my little one for a day for go to a funeral that was 4 hours from our house when she was 3 months old and that was bad enough (I could of taken her but the funeral was for my younger Sister’s little boy she lost the baby at 24 weeks pregnant ). I did go out one night to my works christmas party but it was only for a few hours and I was so ready to come back home to my baby after 2 hours of being away from her.

By: Laura

Laura — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 17:36:18 +0000

Hello lovely Jane!

Remember me, the pain in the ass girlfrom Finland, who was very annoyed with Tarzan while you were still pregnant..? Well, he still sounds annoying and patronizing (and what was that, when you were diagnosed with PPD you had to actually worry about whether HE would be okay waking up with the baby? no, really?). But the “nine months of pregnancy” was hilarious, so great job on that Tarzan! (And Jane, if he never spends a lot of time alone with Monkey because he has to work all the time, although he was working all the time when you were pregnant, because he wanted to “spend time with you and the baby after he would be born”, well, it’s his loss most of all, he’ll miss out on some of the magic of having a baby LONGING to be near you , and knowing every little dimple on his little body..).
Anyway, I’m so happy for you, you sound happy and seem to be an extremely good mom, and isn’t it unbelievable to be bursting to bits with love for your child, especially after having experienced a rough start and having had to fear that that overwhelming love wouldn’t start showing up!! I was so relieved myself, that this time a did get to experience that rush, after having had something similar to your start the first time around.
Please don’t let the people who try to make you feel quilty about not wanting to leave Monkey overnight persuade you to go!! It sounds like you are just in ‘that place’ where every mom wants to be, trusting your instincts, being there for Monkey, and taking your time, slowly letting him experience small amounts of time away from his dear mommy, and there is so nothing wrong with that!! Some other mum would maybe go, and good for them, if they feel up to it, but it sounds like the few people who claim that you aren’t being true to the ‘real Jane’ by not going, just feel quilty for having been away from the baby themselves, and feel the need to pressure others to do the same because of that.
My advice: If you start to feel like going, go and have fun!! But make sure it’s for the right reasons, not because someone on the internet told you to (we could easily tell you to do anything, because it’s easy to advice other whilst staying anonymous, right ).

By: Mom of a 6 Month Old

Mom of a 6 Month Old — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:52:59 +0000

I have to disagree with the arguement “do what feels best.” Or “mommy knows best.” Most of us are new to this game and we will make parenting mistakes. I believe that sacrificing who you are for your child is just plain wrong and is harmful to your child. You need to learn to let go and be YOU. Be the Jane you’ve always been. Would the old Jane back out on her promises to a friend? Would the old Jane not share in the special days with a dear friend who’s about experience one of the best times in her life? I wouldn’t think so. I don’t want to be the middle of the road person. Maybe I just don’t understand the hardship of being away from my little one, I never experienced it to the degree that I went back on a promise. We’ve been to two weddings, one bachelorette party, and a slew of happy hours. Did I miss little one, yep. Did I think about her often, of course. Did I call the babysitter or my hubby a few times to check it, absolutely. But I’ve gone on with my life. Too many people wrap their lives around their children and don’t focus on themselves, their marriage, or other relationships and it’s just terrible. i won’t apologize for my comments or how passionate I am about this. Don’t lose yourself in Monkey.

By: L

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 15:40:15 +0000

You should do what feels best. I think the most important thing is that when you do go somewhere you have someone you trust to leave the little one with. Of course, you will constantly think of him, but at least you will feel a bit more secure knowing he is in good hands.
I have a 4-month old little boy, the love of my life, and had to go to Vegas for 2 nights for an annual meeting for work. Luckily, I work from home and only have to go out of town once a year, but it was in Dec. when he just turned 3 months! And I exclusively breast feed, so the first months of his life I was paranoid I was not going to pump enough, which added to the stress of being a new mom. (Which when I got home he had 5 ounces left!!)

I knew about this trip while I was pregnant so I thought I would miss him, but I thought I would be ready – and my husband was going to go w/ me, so we already made his arrangements before the baby came.

Well, around month 2, I started getting REALLY anxious. It was all I could think about. My mom and sister were going to watch him, and they were going to come stay at our house so he was in a familiar environment. Then the big day came, and we left. Looked at the pics of him on my phone like 100 times! But, in talking to my mom and sister several times a day, he did great. Actually slept better for them than he did for me! And my sister tells me again and again how happy she is that she was able to spend that time with him and that it was a great bonding experience. And that makes me happy, that my family had a chance to care for the little guy and develop those same deep bonds that I experience with him.
So, that’s a thought as well. We haven’t left him again, but do have a b-day party we are attending at the end of the month. Will just be for a couple of hours, but I’m looking forward to it….and already know I will be looking forward to coming home just as much!

By: Leigh from 123 blog

Leigh from 123 blog — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 14:52:19 +0000

I have 6-month old TWINS and I’d totally go.

I really think you should take the time for yourself and go. If you don’t want to leave him with parents, leave him with your hubby. It’ll be good for you AND for the baby.

The first time I left mine was a bit scary but OH THE FREEDOM of knowing they’re OK and will be FINE!

By: Happy Mama

Happy Mama — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 19:42:25 +0000

I totally think your decision is A-OK. You have to do what is best for you. My little munchkin recently turned a year old, and I still haven’t been gone from him for more than a few hours at a time. We’re still nursing, so that kind of limits how long I can be gone (and no, I’m not going to pump just so I can get away.) Do I enjoy my time away from him? Sure. Would I rather be home with him? Absolutely.

Your friend who is getting married probably won’t understand what the big deal is about leaving Monkey. But one day, when she has her own little one, she’ll understand. You know, though, your other option is to take the whole family to the town of the bachelorette party, spend the night in a hotel, and then you go out with your girl friends. It’s more expensive than just driving there, but then you wouldn’t be away from Monkey and Tarzan for so long.