Sometimes I wish I could just run away from everyone & everything & start over. Well, with the exception of my husband & son, that is. Not that anything is terribly wrong right now, but life just gets more difficult as we get older & sometimes I wish I could run away from it all.
I’ve never been one to be afraid of getting older. In fact, I always look forward to my birthdays with such joy. Now I know that I’m only in my twenties, but I don’t see myself ever getting crazed over a number. I’ll be turning 30 years old this year & I am excited about it. It doesn’t make me feel old at all.
But as I get older, my loved ones around me get older as well. And when they get older, they seem to get sick & that is a lot for me to handle. My grandmother is losing her mind (literally), my uncle is really sick, & I’ve already lost family members. It makes me so sad to see my grandmother ask me the same question five times in a matter of five minutes. & it’s not because I lose my patience (which I don’t), but it’s because I hate seeing the strong woman that I’ve known my whole life disappear.
On a totally separate note, there is my husband, who works his ass off. Literally. I don’t know anyone else who works as hard & as much as him. & he does it so that we can have a good life. ”They” always say that you work a million times harder when you have your own business & boy, is that true.
But I can’t help but to be envious of the husbands who have regular 9-5 jobs. When those husbands come home, they are home with their family. Spending quality family time together. They have the weekends off to do family things. It seems so nice & makes me a bit jealous.
I know it’s a trade-off though. Working at home for your own business provides a lot that working for someone else doesn’t. There are pro’s & con’s of each, but I just miss my husband, which is incredibly silly sounding considering we are both home together during the day.
I miss when we were younger & didn’t have as many responsibilities. Looking back, I can’t believe how much money we spent on things that we wouldn’t buy/do now, but it was fun. He didn’t work as hard then, but again, not as many reasons to do so. Now it’s a whole different game.
We have a baby. We have mortgages. We have bills. We have to pay out the ass for health insurance. We have to save in case anything happens. We have to be more careful with things in general.
I know that growing up is part of life, but when I look back at how carefree we both were when we were younger, well, it makes me a little sad. Our lives have changed so much now (& in a good way with little Monkey), but just to forget about sickness, bills, & everything else that comes along with being an adult & to live carefree for even a day sounds like pure bliss.
To not have to worry about anyone getting sick, being in the hospital, dying.
To not have to worry about being the only one out of your friends that has kids while said friends just don’t quite get it.
To not have so many responsibilities.
To not have your husband work & work & work all.of.the.time.
Yes, I think it would be nice to just run away from everyone & everything for a day or two.
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Yah know, I came across your blog ages ago and haven't really kept up with it (sorry). Congrats on the new addition to your family! I have an 8 month old son (hence the reason for not keeping up with it) and am going through the same things you are! I have to say this post really resonated with me though... everyone in my family is getting older as I get older (26 currently, husband 30) and some are getting sick, dying etc. It really makes you think about life and how you want to live it. I totally understand about the husband working 'all the time'. My husband works swing shift - 7 days on one shift, 1 day off, 7 days on the next shift, 1 day off (you get the idea). Most weeks he works ALL 3 shifts in a period of 7 days with one day off because they are short-handed. Sometimes, it feels like being a single parent. I know he does what he has to do to provide for us, but it makes it hard to seemingly raise a baby 'on your own' sometimes. Just keep your chin up (as I know you will) and good luck! :)
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