I just thought of a memory that seemed to happen much longer than just 5 months ago. It was when I was suffering from postpartum depression & Monkey was about a month old.
I had a ton of questions about breastfeeding: if I was doing it right, if Monkey was getting enough milk, and all the other questions that new moms have when they are breastfeeding.
One of my “newer” friends volunteered to come over & try to help me out. When she came over, my dog was acting super needy & I seemed to be catering to his every need. She said, “Doesn’t your dog get on your nerves at times now that you have a baby?”
I thought about that question in the next few seconds & decided not to answer it because, no, he does not get on my nerves. My dog & his needy ways were what I was used to & I knew that I could provide comfort to him & give him what he wanted. It was comfortable for me & not nearly as annoying as trying to figure out a new baby & being a new mom.
Then my friend went on to say how her dog was her baby before the real baby came along & now she realizes that her dog is, well, a dog. Not a baby & not superiority to her son.
Obviously I was not in a place to agree with her. I would have taken caring for my dog any day over trying to take care of my new baby. I didn’t even know if I could do the whole mom thing, but I was confident that I was a good “mom” to my dog.
Strangely enough, this past memory popped into my head yesterday & I can’t stop thinking about her words. They resonate with me now & I understand what she was trying to say back then. & I do finally agree.
I love my dog & he was my baby before having Monkey. But, when it comes down to it, he is just a dog & not a real life baby. A dog & a baby’s needs are not the same. I know that he means well, but he does get on my nerves here & there because he’s become even more needy lately. & it’s just hard to try to take care of a baby & be the same “mom” to my dog that I was prior to Monkey.
It’s not hard actually, but near impossible. I do strive to give my dog the attention he needs (& I think I do a pretty good job at it), but Monkey comes first. He’s the real live baby that needs his mom more than anything.
That being said, I do still take our dog on walks, give him lots of belly rubs at night & when Monkey is content playing on his own. I give him treats throughout the day & try to include him in our playtime, though he still isn’t too fond of Monkey.
Looking back, I know that dealing with postpartum depression really clouded my views as a new mom trying to figure out the new baby thing. But boy am I glad that I got past that & realize how important & special my little boy is to me.
You might also want to read:
- Follow-up to previous post about postpartum depression
- Being real with therapy, postpartum depression, family, & friends
- Postpartum depression: Success with being real & worrying about word vomit
- Postpartum blues, help with breastfeeding, and ramblings from an overtired Daddy.
- Postpartum depression therapy appointment: Success!
= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel horrible for my dog. We had to give him to my future father-in-law. He’s a little older and we don’t trust him with the baby coming. I’m due in 8 weeks and we gave him away back in November. It’s been hard on me because he’s my baby, and he’s spoiled. We still go over and visit all the time, but I know it will be harder once our daughter comes along
(. Good luck with the juggling!
I have two cats at home who have taken a backseat for a while, and showed their disproval. Now that my baby is 6 months old things are settling down and they are getting more attention. I love them, but it is not the same way I love or care for my baby. It also gets to me when someone compares taking care of their dog or cat with me taking care of my little one. Babies are much harder to care for especially when the fear of not doing it right is looming overheard. Nice post though, I understand it completely.
I have two cats whom I love dearly. I cuddled them and showered them with affection.. Until my daughter was born 3 weeks ago. I was so completely wrapped up in her (and so overwhelmed trying to figure out how to balance taking care of her and taking care of normal, mundane duties) that I actually forgot to feed them for an entire day.
They are now no longer welcome in our bedroom because it’s where she sleeps. When I’m cuddling with her, I have to push the cat down when he tries to sit on her. Sometimes I feel bad, but I realize that eventually things will become a little more normal, calm down and I’ll be able to pay more attention to them. But for now, they’re going to have to get used to being 2nd and 3rd.
I’m so relieved that we don’t have a dog or cat. Taking care of a baby and a husband is plenty for me! I grew up with cats and dogs and remember well how much care they require and while it’s nice to have a pet, I’m so glad I don’t have that responsibilty now, though when Henry gets older he may want a dog or a cat and we’ll see what happens then.
This is so true. We had UNBELIEVABLE patience with our dear cat before the baby came. I think he sensed I was pregnant and didn’t handle change well and started “marking his territory” all over the house, especially on baby items. We decided after trying everything that we couldn’t handle him anymore. It’s sad, yes, but a baby is more important. I didn’t want to risk anything. I loved him, but as a cat. I think my fiance took it a bit harder though
Omigosh… I am tears reading this. I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to me to read this post because I had the EXACT same experience.
My dog was our baby. He got me through 2 miscarriages and I love him so much it is ridiculous. I remember coming home from the hospital, already under the grip of PPD, and sobbing when I saw him. I felt like I had betrayed him, bringing this other being into our lives, one who would take all my attention away from him. And while I knew I loved my baby, I didn’t KNOW him like I knew my dog; I felt weird about having to give all my time and energy to someone I barely knew when my little furry baby was looking at me with so much love in his eyes, and I was neglecting him…
One wonderful LC I worked with suggested that I use my pumping time as “Dizzy time” (my dog’s name is Dizzy). I would go in the bedroom and pump and Diz would come lay on the bed with me and snuggle. It was my happiest time of day (which was ironic considering what a PITA pumping ended up being) for those first few weeks.
And now… man, things have changed. Now I feel guilt b/c poor Diz has taken second place. But that’s another story. I can’t believe the ridiculous amount of love and obsession I feel for my son. Of course, I still love Diz to pieces… but, well, I don’t need to explain this to you. You obviously get it.
I seriously think you and I are living parallel lives. Our husbands seem a lot alike too, at least from the post he wrote defending you against the BFing zealots, which is one of my favorite blog posts EVER.
Sorry – “I’m tears” should be “I’m in tears”. How I wish these comment fields had spell check…sigh.
Amazing how when the dust clears how awesome it is to be a mum.
I’m right there with you but sub in cat for dog. When the PPD dust clears…
Hi “Jane,”
I am amazed by how much some of your posts here seem to echo my experience with post-partum depression and OCD. The night after my son was born, my mom said to me, “Isn’t this better than having a cat?” I just stared at her for a minute, and as I recall, replied, “I don’t know about that.”
I suffered from hellish PPD/OCD for the next eight months and after that was able to realize that my little boy is the most wonderful gift I could have ever been given, in ways I wasn’t even able to imagine when I was pregnant with him, and ways I could have never dreamed possible when enduring PPD.
Now that I’m pregnant again, your post about wanting 3 more children was a bit familiar as well. There was a long time when, even though I thought I might want more children someday, I couldn’t think about the realities of a possible recurrence of PPD. Then, finally, I said to myself, “It will be okay.” A few days ago, the thought hit me, “What if it’s not okay? What if this was a mistake?” Yet now I have the strength that I earned during my first postpartum and through learning to love my son.
Anyway, this is a wonderful blog. Good for you for having the courage to share your story in such a public manner so soon after your son was born! If you ever want to talk, send me an e-mail, though I’m sure you get many women telling you they share your story. And in case you didn’t know about it.. http://postpartumdepression.yuku.com
It’s a great resource for women who have or have had PPD.
Meghan
Postpartum depression hit me like a thousand tons of bricks. Not fun. But it started to fade at about 4-5 months thank goodness!!! I know how you feel!
Our cats surprisingly love our almost 8 month old daughter. They even allow her to gently grab their fur and scream happily at them. They really love her, I can’t believe it! But, yeah, they are not as spoiled as they used to be but their lives are still good.