I am amazed by how much some of your posts here seem to echo my experience with post-partum depression and OCD. The night after my son was born, my mom said to me, “Isn’t this better than having a cat?” I just stared at her for a minute, and as I recall, replied, “I don’t know about that.”

I suffered from hellish PPD/OCD for the next eight months and after that was able to realize that my little boy is the most wonderful gift I could have ever been given, in ways I wasn’t even able to imagine when I was pregnant with him, and ways I could have never dreamed possible when enduring PPD.

Now that I’m pregnant again, your post about wanting 3 more children was a bit familiar as well. There was a long time when, even though I thought I might want more children someday, I couldn’t think about the realities of a possible recurrence of PPD. Then, finally, I said to myself, “It will be okay.” A few days ago, the thought hit me, “What if it’s not okay? What if this was a mistake?” Yet now I have the strength that I earned during my first postpartum and through learning to love my son.

Anyway, this is a wonderful blog. Good for you for having the courage to share your story in such a public manner so soon after your son was born! If you ever want to talk, send me an e-mail, though I’m sure you get many women telling you they share your story. And in case you didn’t know about it.. http://postpartumdepression.yuku.com

It’s a great resource for women who have or have had PPD.

Meghan

My dog was our baby. He got me through 2 miscarriages and I love him so much it is ridiculous. I remember coming home from the hospital, already under the grip of PPD, and sobbing when I saw him. I felt like I had betrayed him, bringing this other being into our lives, one who would take all my attention away from him. And while I knew I loved my baby, I didn’t KNOW him like I knew my dog; I felt weird about having to give all my time and energy to someone I barely knew when my little furry baby was looking at me with so much love in his eyes, and I was neglecting him…

One wonderful LC I worked with suggested that I use my pumping time as “Dizzy time” (my dog’s name is Dizzy). I would go in the bedroom and pump and Diz would come lay on the bed with me and snuggle. It was my happiest time of day (which was ironic considering what a PITA pumping ended up being) for those first few weeks.

And now… man, things have changed. Now I feel guilt b/c poor Diz has taken second place. But that’s another story. I can’t believe the ridiculous amount of love and obsession I feel for my son. Of course, I still love Diz to pieces… but, well, I don’t need to explain this to you. You obviously get it.

I seriously think you and I are living parallel lives. Our husbands seem a lot alike too, at least from the post he wrote defending you against the BFing zealots, which is one of my favorite blog posts EVER.

They are now no longer welcome in our bedroom because it’s where she sleeps. When I’m cuddling with her, I have to push the cat down when he tries to sit on her. Sometimes I feel bad, but I realize that eventually things will become a little more normal, calm down and I’ll be able to pay more attention to them. But for now, they’re going to have to get used to being 2nd and 3rd.