I have been reading your blog for the past few months now. LOVE IT. It’s an honest perspective (well, actually, it’s two honest perspectives) put into real terms, which is so incredibly helpful for someone like me who is positively clueless about parenthood! I’m late 20s, happily married, thinking about starting a family someday. Nowadays it feels like that someday will come “sooner” rather than “later.” Stories like this post of yours are one of the many MANY reasons why the idea of having a baby kind of freaks me out. My husband is the most wonderful, loving person I have ever met – he is SO good to me, and I truly enjoy every minute of our life right now. He is extremely excited about someday having a child, because he really truly loves babies, and I am excited too but also nervous.

Nervous because: He REALLY likes his sleep, although he swears he will be more than happy to wake up early for the little one. Will he really?

Nervous because: We probably won’t be able to do most of the things we currently enjoy (lazy weekends, dining out, adventurous vacations, hanging out with our friends who are mostly single) for a LOOONNG time. Am I right or crazy?

Nervous because: I have always been an athlete, and when I am not able to exercise, I am honestly a different person (in a bad way). How will I ever find time to take care of myself physically?

Nervous because: CAN I — CAN WE – SERIOUSLY DO THIS?

These are the things I think about. At the same time, if we were to find out that conceiving would be difficult for us for whatever reason, I would be absolutely devastated. Is it normal to be so committed to an idea and so terrified of it at the same time? Will I just snap out of my selfishness and into sleep-deprived action the second I lay eyes on our someday-baby? Will my husband and I still love each other as much as we do now? And how many strollers and crap do we HONESTLY need? We don’t have a ton of space, and I prefer not to have too much stuff, in general.

I don’t expect you to be my personal guru, but your blog has become a very helpful resource for me as I navigate all of these thoughts in preparation for our future journey into parenthood. Any words of wisdom you could impart would fall on very eager (and clueless) ears.

It’s great, but really I am just trying to find some space to relax and get to know my new son. Having someone hovering and asking if I need help at every turn makes me a little nutty.

However, after reading this, it was a lot easier to say ‘wow, thanks it is really great that you are doing xyz. Maybe a little less abc would make it easier for me, too’

So there are all kinds of Dads out there…

I totally understand how you feel. I think it’s fair to say that dads see and do things differently. Don’t get me wrong, they help in their own way, but often times it’s not what we expect.

Here’s an example. When my hubby helps with the diaper he often says “can you get the wipes”, “can you put her clothes back on while I go wash my hands?” It’s like, come on…I might as well do it myself! I don’t know the last time I got all that help when I had to change my baby’s diaper. Now, I just put all the diapering stuff close to the play place so he can grab it without asking me for help.

Example two: Whomever said that bottle feeding will make it easier on moms because now the dads can help out with the feeding process was WRONG! On a good day, my hubby will give one out of four bottles to the baby. I make all the bottles the night before and keep them in the fridge. Now that my baby is eating solids, I am also making purees for her and freezing them. Hubby has yet to feed her any solids. As for the bottle and food prep. I don’t mind doing it since there is a lot of measuring that goes with it and it’s just too hard for me to explain it to him.

Example three: Bath time. Well, this used to be daddy’s job all the time. Now, I’d say he does it half the time. Partly because he’s at work and can’t be home in time to give her a bath. This is one task where I don’t need to help him at all. My hubby loves to give our baby a bath and does a great job! But I’m the one to cut her nails, do the lotion massage and get her dressed after wards.

There’s a heck of a lot more examples, but I’ll spare you the details. I guess what I am trying to say is, sometimes we enable our husbands to act the way they do by not telling them something is wrong and that we need more of their help. Easier said than done though because I’m not one to ask for help. But, how are they supposed to know we need help if we don’t ask for it? Some husbands are really in tune with their wife’s needs, but this isn’t my case at all. I’m learning to be honest by saying, “Hun, it was a horrible day. I need your help.” I’m so lucky to have a husband who doesn’t ignore my pleas for help and pitches in the best he can. We appreciate what we do for each other and for the baby. I think this is most important in our relationship.

It’s no surprise that we do so much on a daily basis because we are at home with our babies most of the time and we love doing it I’m sure SAHDs would say the same thing. So, in the words of a close friend of mine, “don’t sweat the small stuff” and “work smarter, not harder”.

P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sometimes I shy away from doing things, not because I don’t want to help, but because I’ve been told that I do it wrong enough times that I figure it’ll be easier if I don’t even attempt it anymore.

I’ll agree with Brittany and L, it’s a lot easier on us husbands if we’re told just what is expected of us. I’d expand on that advice, though, and add that sometimes it might be a confidence matter. The husband might see you expertly diapering/feeding/cleaning/etc and think that he couldn’t possibly do as good. So not only ask him to do the job, but help him along in the beginning and thank him afterwords. If he does it slightly different than you do it, don’t sweat the details and be gentle in your corrections. (Don’t say: “That’s completely wrong. Here, let me do it.” Say: “That’s good, but if you pull that part over there when you fasten it, the diaper will stay tighter longer.”) His confidence in the task will soar and he’ll take it on more and more often.