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Something like 60% of married people get divorced after having a child

by Jane · 52 comments

(or something like that.  Don’t exactly quote me on the above number since I’m only going off of memory of something I previously read.)

divorce rate with babiesNow while I can’t see myself joining the above percentage, I do see how it happens.

Before baby, said married couple has a strong marriage.  A great one full of awesome communication.  The wife does her own thing, the husband does his, & then things are done as a couple.  It’s easy & you think that throwing a baby into the mix will just add diapers to your life.  Ha!

After baby, even the strongest of married couples (myself & Tarzan included) start to unravel a bit.  Communication lacks due to sleepness nights.  I wish my husband could read my mind.  To Tarzan it probably feels like nothing he does is right.

Actually, I know that last statement to be true because I asked him that last night.  I said, “Do you feel like anything you do is not right?” & he said, “Yes”.

Interesting.

It’s just that half the time when he tries to help out, I end up having to do some of it anyways.  So really it’s not helping me out; he’s creating more work for me.  If he changes a diaper, he leaves the wipe box open & leaves the dirty diaper on the changing table.  I guess in his mind he changed the dirty diaper – picking up after himself was not included.

And it’s even more than just things baby-related.  One of my biggest pet peeves is the trash.  My husband would be more than happy to just let the trash pile up in the garbage can, around the garbage can, & anywhere in between.  Once the trash gets full, in my mind, it needs to be taken out.

Since he doesn’t take it out on his own, I remind him.  & lots of times I’m irritated when I remind him because I don’t see how a grown man can’t just do it on his own.  Anyways, he’ll take the trash bag out of the garbage can & set it on the side of the garbage can.  Again, this irritates me as I do not want a freakin’ bag of trash just sitting out in the kitchen.  Gross.

So then I ask him to take it out to the garage & he does that.  When he comes back inside, he continues about his business, complete with not putting in a new trash bag.  So I do the natural thing & just wait it out to see how long it will take him to put a new trash bag in the can.  He doesn’t.  Instead he’ll put a used napkin or paper plate on the counter right by where the garbage can lives.

Then I ask him to put a damn trash bag in the garbage can & I look like the bad guy.  In my mind though, why doesn’t he just complete the whole task instead of doing it half-assed?!

At times it feels like I went from a married woman to a single parents with 2 kids.  And that’s annoying.

Then there was this morning.  Monkey woke up ridiculously early (too bad he didn’t get the memo that it’s cool to sleep in on the weekends) and I waited to see if Tarzan would get out of bed.  I mean, surely he heard the monitor.  It was hard to miss.  But he didn’t move an inch.  Sigh.

I started to get out of bed, like I do every morning, & Tarzan (suddenly awake) says, “I’m sorry”.

Now, I’m sorry, but that’s the last damn thing I want to hear when it’s 5:30am.  So of course, I said something.  I said, “Don’t be sorry, just get up every once and a while.  I do it every single morning.”  Then he chimes in with, “Well I tried to get up with Monkey yesterday morning”.  And then I just started to laugh.  For real.

Yesterday morning Tarzan woke up because our dog was crying.  Yes, if it’s not the baby, it’s the dog.  He got up, closed our bedroom door, and went on about his business.  About 10 minutes later I heard crying.  From the monitor.  Inside our room.  The one that my husband “forgot” to turn off if he truly was going to let me sleep in.

Of course his excuse was, “I’m sorry.  I’m just not used to getting up with him in the morning & forgot about the monitor.”  You may not be used to turning off the monitor, but it’s been there, in the same place, for the past (almost) 7 months.  Talk about annoying.

It’s all these little things, but they begin to add up & cause me to go off like a time bomb at any given moment.  And I hate that I’ve turned into that wife/mom, but there’s a lot on my mind.  Monkey screaming, the dog crying, Monkey crying, the dirty dishes that need to go into the dishwasher, the laundry that needs to be done, the house that needs to be cleaned, the errands that need to be run, and on and on and on.

And where’s my time in all of that?!  Once Monkey goes to be, I’m exhausted & ready for bed too.  It’s a freakin’ endless cycle and I wish that I didn’t get so annoyed at my husband, but he creates more work for me at times.  I wish he helped out more, all while knowing that he has to work, but wishing that he had an “easier” job.

I’ll leave you with this last little gem.  This morning I was trying to eat breakfast.  Monkey has learned this new, um, “trick” with his voice & he makes it quiver likes he’s about to scream, but he’s just playing.  Anyways, it sends chills up my spine.  The dog was whining because she wanted some of my breakfast & Tarzan had escaped upstairs doing whatever he was doing.

I was about to lose it, so I yelled upstairs, “Can you come down & take Monkey & the dog upstairs with you?  I just need like 10 minutes to eat in peace & have to myself.”  Tarzan says, “You don’t have to talk to me like that.”  So I reply with, “It’s not that I’m talking mean to you, I’m just frustrated.  I wish you understood.”  and he says, “I do understand”.  Yeah, right (I didn’t say it out loud though.)

Clearly I had asked him to take the dog & Monkey upstairs & give me time to myself… so what does he do?  He comes into the kitchen & whistles at Monkey (like he’s a dog) & starts making his breakfast.  I feel myself getting so pissed off.  He makes his coffee, gets everything ready for his meal, and Monkey is still making noises.  I’m thisclose to tell Tarzan that Monkey is a baby, not a dog, but I keep my mouth shut.

Instead I say, “I asked you if you would take them upstairs & give me quiet time.  Are you planning on doing that?”  He says, “Give me two more minutes.”  Why, oh why, was it so important that you make your breakfast at the exact damn time that I ask you to help me out???

And this, my friends, is why I get so annoyed so easily all of the time.  I feel like I can’t win.  I know that Tarzan can’t read my mind, but when I come out and ask him for help & tell him specifically what to do, he doesn’t do it.

So I can totally see how this life gets to be just too much for some & they opt for a divorce.  But, while I can see it, I know that that is not in the cards for us… We just need to find a balance between us & FAST.

You might also want to read:

  1. Father/Child Outings: Does it happen often?
  2. Quickie: How many of you let your child sleep with you?
  3. I can think of a million better ways to start my morning than to argue with my husband.
  4. Oh. My. Gosh. – Lunching with a screaming child makes me want to pull my hair out
  5. A note to my child who is currently living in my wife’s pregnant belly.

Facebook comments:

{ 52 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Tracylynne

We have a few days like that too, but in all honesty I can’t complain, but having a baby requires alot of compromise. We are both in our 40′s and we just had our first date night since baby was born 7 1/2 months ago. It was great, it was nice to spend some time alone to reconnect and just talk about us and what we wanted to do in the next few months as far as projects. When it comes to baby, I have that tone of voice when I ask him to do stuff that drives him crazy-even though I don’t mean too… it just comes out that way. There has to be some give and take, you want to go out with your buddies, I want to take a bath and have some Mommy time….its tough I agree, don’t give up.

2 Gilz

Dear Tarzan

Would LOVE you to be a Guest Blogger on my Monday Male series of posts over at A Peek Into Our Lives. Are you interested in writing for something from a man/dad’s perspective? I’ve been following you ever since you Tweeted Jane’s birth on Twitter.

Love the blog.

ADaftScot
aka Gillian
info@redpepa.za.net

3 The Muser

I seriously remember the fights, the irritability…the lack of sleep! It can so take a toll on marriage!

I found you through Postpartum Progress. When I was struggling with ppd and post-partum ptsd I tried to find some sort of online community for people blogging about those things. I couldn’t, and now that I’ve recovered, I’m hoping to create something like that for others who are currently struggling. So I’ve started listing blogs about PMDs and have featured yours. I am hoping to be able to do a weekly “round-up” featuring what bloggers are writing about ,and highlighting those who could use some “commenty” support. I’d love it if you’d stop by, check out the “round up,” and, if you have some time, visit some of the bloggers who could use some support. Thanks so much for your blog!

4 Meagan

My husband always pulled this garbage with me. I left him. And to be honest, it’s better to be a nineteen year old single parent than to feel like an under appreciated doormat.

But I believe you and Tarzan love each other enough to work out a compromise. It takes two…Tarzan needs to commit to change and fast before the permanent resentment sets in.

5 Tori M.

Ah, the lovely game of Baby Monitor Chicken. I play it almost every morning. As soon as I get up and pull my blanket over my space on the bed I hear “do you want me to get him?”… Um, yeah, like before I got up to do it. Thanks.

And it must be some defect on the Y chromosome that prevents a man from replacing a trash bag in the can after trash removal. My husband does that ALL the time! I usually don’t find out he didn’t put the bag in until the next morning (trash gets done at night around here since pickup is at six a.m.), when I go to throw something away, and of course DH is lonnnnnggg gone to work. Go figure!

6 Becca

12 weeks to go and I already knew this would be an issue. My husband and I were HS sweethearts. We went through this when we first moved in (I graduated before he did & moved in with his Mom when I started college), when we got our first apartment, when we moved into a house, and with the addition of each pet we’ve ever owned. On top of the usual “guy” definition of dirty vs. ours, he’s got an issue with smells. At one time I didn’t believe it… until I watched him gag (then puke) his way through cleaning one of the 4 litter boxes our 8 ferrets use. On one hand it was comical, but on the other I totally love my man and don’t want to see him going through that much discomfort.

We’ve found ways to compromise… I let dishes pile up for a few days then nag at him to put them in the dishwasher. I make him start the laundry and get it to the point of folding, then I fold it. The list goes on. It really comes down to me acknowledging that I have OCD issues, and he could care less.

Having a little brother & sister helped me out a lot tho. I’ve learned that I can either let everything get to me, or I can breathe and remember that we’re all different. In fact, my “charming” brother taught me the importance of laughing at life. So, now I just make a joke of it. Rather than getting all sorts of bent out of shape about the trash going out and not having a new trash bag I joke about using something of his as a trash bag until he gets in there and finishes his job. Even the worst comment comes out better if you throw in a smile.

About the baby thing… I’ve come to accept that my husband won’t ever live up to my standards. We’ll get through it though. And if it really comes down to me needing some me-time, I’m not above pumping in advance and handing the kid off and leaving the room/house so I can’t be cajoled into helping with the stuff I’m trying to get away from.

It’s good that you have a place like this to vent, but its time for you to realize that boys will be boys. Give it a few more years and it’ll feel like you’re taking care of two children all the time. Once Monkey gets the hang of being a big boy, he’ll be making a mess and leaving it for Mom all day… and kids tend to pick up on the habits of their parents. He’ll be determined to get away with everything Daddy gets away with.

Chin up though – you’re a strong woman with a loving husband and a wonderful little boy. You’ll get through this just like you’ve gotten through everything else, one day at a time. Keep talking to your husband, and teach your son how to communicate, and you’ll find that a lot of the stress you’re dealing with isn’t that important… it’s just stuff that annoys you.

I know that Tarzan gets guys’ night out… but I haven’t seen anything about you getting girls’ night out. Have you thought about taking time away from Tarzan and Monkey? It’s not easy to seperate yourself, but it might help you de-stress a little so you can get your perspective back. Also, make sure you guys get some time as a couple – and that it’s not around your mutual stress factors. Make sure you have a good time and laugh some so that when you do come back to the house its easier to talk about the serious stuff.

Life isn’t easy… but it can still be enjoyable. Enjoy all the little moments that you can, and learn how to get through the rest. When you’re old and grey you’ll laugh about this stuff giggle about how the kiddies make a big deal out of the small stuff.

~Becca
Las Vegas, NV

7 Julie

I can so relate to feeling like you went from a married woman to a single mom of two kids. I feel like I am constantly nagging my husband to do things that seem totally obvious to me. There is a constant list of to do’s going through my head, and never does he seem to find any urgency with anything to do with the kid or the housework. In fact, it never matters to him if it gets done at all.

He also rarely does the things I ask him to do, unless I ask about ten times or more. It’s very frustrating, and he just doesn’t get why it bugs me.

I can see how marriages fall apart after you have kids, and how wives feel like they never catch a break of any kind, and they start to resent the husband whose life hasn’t really changed all that much in all of it.

I do acknowledge that there are some great things my husband does, but most of the time I have to ask him to do it, and more often than not, more than once. It’s not easy to feel like a nag.

And after my long exhausting day my husband often wonders why I’m never in the mood for sex… maybe if I had a bit more help I’d have the energy, but when 9pm rolls around it’s lights out for this Mama!

8 Amy

A wise friend (with 3 kids) once told me that even in the best of circumstances the woman ends up doing 70% of the work.

I agree with everyone that you have to spell out exactly what you want done which can be frustrating because then you are the nag. Also, I agree about complimenting your husband but that too is annoying. No one compliments me on folding laundry or doing the dishes. It’s just expected that I do these things but you have to fawn all over your husband when he does something that you do every day.

9 tjwriter

I don’t think it was until my oldest was 15 months that I felt like we really had a handle on things. The first year with the first baby can be really hard on the relationship. So long as you two keep trying, I think you’ll find the balance you need. Then, if you have another one, you have to readjust where the middle point is, but it’s not as bad.

I think because the first year is such an involved time with the baby, it’s hard to stay on top of the grown up relationships. We’re going to be having a surprise third baby, so we get to do this again, but the husband has been really sweet lately and helpful with cleanup, etc.

10 Samantha

Jane, it sounds like you have everyone’s full support. I think we all feel this way alot of the time. I’ve only been married for 5 years, but we have 2 kids under 5 and I have a wonderful husband who does alot around the house. Alot of stuff not the way I would do it. Always the things that I think are least important, but I really think that no matter what he did I wouldn’t be totally happy with it. I have just learned to appreciate that he does anything at all. I just hate how I can tell him 1 thing to do, and he’ll do a bunch of other stuff, but not the 1 thing I really needed. Then he doesn’t understand why I was peeved.

I’ll give you a great example. My husband was going out of town for a fun trip with his dad. I asked him to please lower the mattress in my son’s crib before he left because he was so close to climbing out. Guess what he forgot?! And guess who climbed out of his crib and onto his head on the laminate floor the second day he was out of town! Poor Miles. But it all turns out ok in the end.

You could be a jerk and post step by step checklists next to the garbage can, and whatever else chores he does. But really I just think guys are oblivious.

11 Peta

Oh Jane I hear ya, My Man said last night he would get up tnhis morning and change our little girls Nappy, SO when morning come I was looking forward to the first morning ever of not having to get up and enjoy sleeping just a little bit longer.. Well here is what happened She woke at 7am (late for her she had already woken at 4 am for a feed but is normally up again at 6am. ) and I could hear her 15 mins later my man saids ok I am getting up to change her nappy. so he brings her to the bed not the change table, I said it will be easier to change her on the table rather then the bed but he knows better.(the truth was that he did not want to move the toys from her cot back into the cot and off the change table.) SO he completely undresses her and tried to change her nappy no wipes or nappy bags on hand and then keeps asking me questions about what he should be doing I have to hold her while her get the wipes and nappy sacks . her gets back then said she is wriggling too much I can not do it I need help,I get frustrated take over nappy back on her in 2 seconds I go back to bed and leave him to redress her. I get up 15 mins later and find the nappy in the sack on the floor at the bottom of our bed, as she sleeps in our room and change table is in our room so is the nappy bin to steps away but that was too far away to put it there.

Then this evening I am cooking dinner, doing dishes and little one is fussing getting louder and louder till she is screaming and he is in the next room completely unaware of what is happening I just scream out I need help no, Even with her screaming he doesnt get that i can do everthing at once

oh well what can you do I love him I just wish he would help a little more

12 Julia

(((HUGS))) As a mom to 5 kids I have been there. All I can say is make sure you keep communicating in a positive way with your husband about your frustrations and try and remember he is sure to be having troubles too. You need to make sure he understands what you need. I would write it out and then sit down with my DH outlining what I needed from him. I also made sure to be open to what he needed from me.

Make time for you both as a couple and not just parents. Get out at least once a week for an hour or two to recoup and recharge. Being a parent is the toughest job but the most rewarding. It is also so much easier if you and your DH can get on the same page and work together. Give it time. Those first 2 years, I would say, are the hardest but as your child starts to become more independant and happy about being with a sitter you can reconnect more and more.

13 Melissa

This post sounds so familiar and I am not due for another 12 weeks. Hubby has only two chores; take out the trash and clean out the litter boxes. The litter boxes only got added since my pregnancy since I am not supposed to do them. We currently have 3 bags of trash sitting around the full trash can along with a huge pile of other trash around it. The litter boxes haven’t been cleaned out in weeks. This is after I have asked him to do both multiple times. We both work full time, but I am still responsible for all of the dishes, laundry, and any other cleaning that doesn’t get done. He apparently doesn’t care what the house looks like, but I am getting really tired of it and I can’t do it by myself. I am just getting really fed up with it. It doesn’t matter if I clean the kitchen because you can’t tell with the huge pile of trash in the middle of the room. I have asked him every weekend since new years to get the boxes for the Christmas stuff out of the attic so that I can take down the Christmas decorations and he still hasn’t done it. So the tree is still up. My sisters are coming to help me paint the nursery and furniture because he won’t/can’t do it and it is not worth the nagging. However, I am hoping that he will replace the fan/light fixture in there.

Ok, this is a rambling rant. But I am getting fed up with the way the house looks and with getting no response when I ask for things. I will say in his defense that he has done very well with helping make dinner on the nights that I am just too tired.

14 Julian's Mommy

We’re going through a similar phase right now too…so I understand the frustration. My husband does help out in many areas, for which I am eternally grateful…but there are times that I feel he acts selfishly. I don’t have one minute to myself all day, and he doesn’t understand what that feels like. He is still mostly able to function as a free adult and do the things he needs to do when he needs to do them. I think the discrepancy in our roles creates a lot of friction in our household. Just try to remember that this is all new to Tarzan, as it is to you…and keep in mind that most of his nasty habits were there all along – and are only exacerbated now that there’s a child in the house and you have less time and patience to deal with them.

15 Erin

Well, you’ve just described my marriage. I always used to wonder why people would get divorced after having a child….why would you want to do it alone ? Probably because it would be easier ! It’s rough and it really feels like a lot of work to keep a marriage together after having children because of the stress.
I do have to say though that once our first son started sleeping and we all got some more rest, things got better..not perfect but better.

16 Dayna

Your post just frustrated me with the very thought. But I will say this, if Tarzan isn’t taking out the garbage in a timely fashion now, I’m certain he wasn’t before the baby. Did you notice? Or does the baby make you notice more of the neglectful things the man does than before? I’m 4o weeks and 1 day and “the man” is a busy body around the house. He is always taking out the garbage, cleaning the kitchen and gardening and cooking, but I suspect he’s going to fall short in the sharing of “care for the baby” category. Though I think I’ll be able to cope as long as he continues to help with the household chores.

17 Monica

My baby is 19 months. I promise this will get better. When sleep comes, that will help. And all these crappy, over emotional, stupid arguements actually help you two figure out who does what. I think its a necessary part of marriage post-baby. Couples who don’t argue after baby . . . well, lets just say one member of the partnership isn’t around to argue with because they’re screwing the babysitter. Keep up the good work and tough it out! The fact that you aren’t 100% getting along means he still gives a damn! xoxo!

18 Michelle

You’re right: You do need to find a balance. I’ve read posts by both you and your husband on your blog and it seems like the two of you truly love and care about each other, so don’t give up. It was never going to be an easy time- we just don’t know that until we experience it. I’ve been where you are and I understand completely.

Find that middle ground because although household duties are easier with just yourself and a baby (and they are, trust me), life doesn’t seem quite right when you do it alone. My girl does new things nearly every day and I’m the only one to experience that joy. Let me just say, sometimes it really sucks.

Take a deep breath (or have a stiff drink). You’ll get through it.

19 Judy from Toronto, Ontario Canada

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t go through this after having a baby. It’s a huge adjustment and like you said, lack of sleep and energy leads to words being said out of anger and frustration. Been there and done that too. It’s okay to let Tarzan know how he can help you, but try not to sound angry (even if you are ). Men aren’t mind readers, but they can be wonderful helpers and fathers if you communicate with them. My hubby and I have these moments from time to time, but I can see how hard he is trying and I would hate to discourage any help he is offering. Sometimes the vacuuming doesn’t get done for weeks, but I leave it for him to do and it gets done. He likes to leave the dishes in the sink, which I hate…But if I leave them in there, he goes in to clean them up. I leave the trash and recycling by the door and he takes it out. Hang in there.

20 Megan

I’m currently trying to ask things more nicely…I’ve been told that how I ask makes a difference but I can’t always see the difference. Sometimes things are urgent so to me it does not make sense to say, “If you wouldn’t mind, will you please grab her PJ’s and diaper?” or, “If you have a sec, can you warm up a bottle?” It’s more like a hospital environment: “I need a bottle, STAT!” or “She’s about to roll off the couch, please grab her!” When it flies out of your mouth because it’s not just urgent but important, it’s hard to be sweet and demure! And if it were me, I’d jump up and grab her/the PJ’s/diaper/bottle STAT because I know what it feels like.

21 Megan

It’s like YOU read my mind. I’ve been there too. Just when you need help and they say they’ll help you, they start doing something else that all of a sudden seems really urgent (like making breakfast). I don’t get it. Sometimes we have clear communication and things run very smoothly, other times, it’s like nothing either of us do is right. It can really drive a woman wild.

22 thebluemoongirl

I totally could have written this post! Especially the part about the trash! I’ve waited to see what he’ll do too and the trash gets piled up next to the can. It’s so annoying!

I was talking to a friend about this we both agreed that the problem with guys is that they only think to do the part of the task you ask them to do. For example, we would realize that when doing the dishes, we also clean up the sink, wipe off the counters, etc. He only does the dishes because that’s what you asked him to do. Or in the case of trash, they only think to take the trash out. I don’t get it.

I feel all super nag when I list out every little thing I need him to do, but I don’t know how else to get anything done.

This morning I got up at 6:45 am with Darling Girl, gave her breakfast, fed the dogs, fed the cats, ate my breakfast, and put the dishes in the dishwasher. It’s now 9:30am and I’m still the only one up with Darling Girl. Sigh is right…

23 Cathy

Hang in there….I can tell that even after 17 years of being married my husband will still “place” things on top of the overflowing trash can and then only takes it out once I ask and he, too never replaces the bag. Also, it is pretty much a daily thing that we use our dishwasher. Where does he put dirty dishes? ON the counter or in the sink because apparently I am the ONLY one who knows how to load things into the dishwasher. I will say this, they have to really get “it.” It is really because for the most part they aren’t programmed like we are, but that is NO excuse! My husband asked for something “visual” on the wall, like a list of what he could do to be helpful…..this might be something yours could agree with, too. Might help. Good luck!

24 barbetti

If I’ve learned anything since becoming a mom nine months ago, its this: my husband can’t read my mind.

He and I struggled a lot in the beginning, and moving from Vermont to Idaho when my son was 4 weeks old really tested our marriage. I had the same gripes as you, until I realized that whatever he neglects (trash piling up, little box being smelly, etc), he won’t understand unless I explicitly ask him. And he needs encouragement, too. When I came home from work and saw that he had folded several loads of clothes, I made sure to tell him how happy that made me. Now? My husband gets up with our son half the time and does things without complaint when I ask nicely.

Trust me, I understand how hard it can be. But as funny as it sounds, men seem to need you to tell them what makes you happy and they need to hear when they’re doing something right.

25 Chris (Tessasdad)

The change that takes place in the relationship after baby arrives is the one thing no one really tells you about. You go to the birthing classes but nothing was mentioned about it. It was the biggest issue for us and we’re just beginning to settle in as we approach the 11th month. Our biggest fights ever have been since our daughter, Tessa’s birth. I hope things get better for you guys. It’s not comforting to know other couples go through this but I hope writing about it helps.

26 Trisha

Oh, Jane. I could write this post, even now, and my monkeys are 8, 8 and 7! I have resigned myself to the fact that some men are just totally clueless, no matter how much and how long you try to train them. I’ve been trying for 10 years. I hope you do find the balance, though! Good luck!

27 Ellen

Ohhh, I hear ya, honey…

28 Alison

Oh, I forgot to mention. My saving grace is that my husband is very willing to take the baby out to run errands on the weekend. So I give him a shopping list and he gives me an hour or two of peace! It’s wonderful.

Of course, when he comes back home, he rings the doorbell and tells me he needs my help with the baby so he can bring in the groceries. Oh well…you can’t have everything. :)

29 Alison

Jane – Oh. My. God. I could have written this myself! My son is the same age as Monkey and my husband and I both work, full-time, outside the home. Yet, while my husband is a wonderful father and tries to help out, I feel like I have three full-time jobs: employee, parent and housekeeper!

Just one example: my son doesn’t sleep through the night (not even close). On the rare occasion when my husband gets out of bed to tend to him him — even though most of the time he “doesn’t hear” the crying — he leaves the half-finished bottle out instead of putting it back in the fridge, leaves the baby wipes open and leaves the dirty diaper on the changing table. And it’s not even worth it then because if he gets up in the middle of the night, he wants to sleep in an extra hour.

Also, when he does the dishes (we don’t have a dishwasher), he gets water all over the counter and floor and doesn’t clean it up. It’s always just easier to do things myself.

I think it’s just how men are. Honestly. They’re not programmed like we are and they literally need to be told every single detail of what to do. I feel like I can spend my life arguing with him and fighting with him about it, or I can just do things myself and keep our marriage peaceful. I know that’s probably not the “right” thing to do, but that’s what I’ve decided I’m going to do.

30 Jackie S

thank you so much for this post. we’re battling the same things right now and it’s driving me up the wall. its nice knowing other couples out there are dealing with the same stuff.

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