Comments on: Something like 60% of married people get divorced after having a child http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child Pregnancy and baby blog, a couple shares their true story into parenthood. Tue, 07 Feb 2012 18:19:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lolo http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-32974 Lolo Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:12:11 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-32974 This post is exactly my life. I did tell my husband our little girl was not a dog. He was getting ready to feed her a bottle and of course once she sees that bottle she starts to get impatient and cry. He was holding it in front of her and telling her if she would calm down she could get it. She's 6 months old, she DOESN'T UNDERSTAND YOU! I said, "Give her the bottle or she will start to choke when she drinks." He said, "I'm waiting for her to be quiet so she learns to not be that way then she will get the bottle." I said, "She's not a dog that you train." He rolled his eyes and didn't get it. Pissed me off. and the whole garbage, no trash bag thing. Yeah, I get the same thing. Why not finish the task. I do when I take the trash out. UUHHHH! Oh well, they just aren't thinking. Mine has lots of opinions about everything from how to feed our baby to what color paint we should paint a room and he never sides with me usually. Gets frustrating. But I love him and we eventually work it all out. He's amazingly loving and caring and is a great Daddy, just does the damndest things sometimes. This post is exactly my life. I did tell my husband our little girl was not a dog. He was getting ready to feed her a bottle and of course once she sees that bottle she starts to get impatient and cry. He was holding it in front of her and telling her if she would calm down she could get it. She’s 6 months old, she DOESN’T UNDERSTAND YOU! I said, “Give her the bottle or she will start to choke when she drinks.” He said, “I’m waiting for her to be quiet so she learns to not be that way then she will get the bottle.” I said, “She’s not a dog that you train.” He rolled his eyes and didn’t get it. Pissed me off. and the whole garbage, no trash bag thing. Yeah, I get the same thing. Why not finish the task. I do when I take the trash out. UUHHHH! Oh well, they just aren’t thinking. Mine has lots of opinions about everything from how to feed our baby to what color paint we should paint a room and he never sides with me usually. Gets frustrating. But I love him and we eventually work it all out. He’s amazingly loving and caring and is a great Daddy, just does the damndest things sometimes.

]]> By: Mo http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31826 Mo Tue, 02 Mar 2010 20:51:13 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31826 Um, wow. I know this has been said many times, but it was like reading my own diary or something. Having read your getaway posts, I know things are improving between you two, which is encouraging for me. I'm a SAHM but I also work full-time from home, plus anything and everything that's considered a house chore. I get really frustrated that I have to ask DH specifically for help. Otherwise, nothing will ever get done. I'm looking to your example as encouragement and hope things improve here too. Thank you so much for sharing!! Um, wow. I know this has been said many times, but it was like reading my own diary or something. Having read your getaway posts, I know things are improving between you two, which is encouraging for me. I’m a SAHM but I also work full-time from home, plus anything and everything that’s considered a house chore. I get really frustrated that I have to ask DH specifically for help. Otherwise, nothing will ever get done. I’m looking to your example as encouragement and hope things improve here too. Thank you so much for sharing!!

]]> By: Shannon http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31774 Shannon Tue, 02 Mar 2010 14:50:40 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31774 I could've written this! Written so well. I know just how you feel. I had two babies 1 year and 1 day apart and hubby doesn't understand why I get frustrated so easily. I could’ve written this! Written so well. I know just how you feel. I had two babies 1 year and 1 day apart and hubby doesn’t understand why I get frustrated so easily.

]]> By: Nicolle B. http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31194 Nicolle B. Fri, 26 Feb 2010 06:56:37 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31194 I hope you feel better and you know - you totally read my mind. I have the same issues with my hubby. I hate nagging and I can't even post this on my blog because he can take down my site. Yep, he's used it against me before! Anywhoo...I everything gets better :) I hope you feel better and you know – you totally read my mind. I have the same issues with my hubby. I hate nagging and I can’t even post this on my blog because he can take down my site. Yep, he’s used it against me before! Anywhoo…I everything gets better :)

]]> By: Louisa May http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31174 Louisa May Fri, 26 Feb 2010 02:53:23 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31174 I've never posted on your blog before but have beenn following for a few months. I think after reading post after post of unhappiness you need to get up and do something with your life Jane. You are too young to be a SAHM obviously...you aren't happy with your life no matter how you try to sell it on yourself. I have a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old and I tried the SAHM thing, it didn't work at all and I ended up driving myself crazy as well as my husband. I am a year older than you. You have to do something for yourself or you will regret it later in life. Don't depend on Tarzan to take it upon himself to help you. Leave him no choice. Take action. Get a part time job to get you out of the house. And if work REALLY isn't your thing, then at least leave Monkey with Tarzan a few nights a week while you go out and do something for yourself. Don't feel guilty. You will end up a loser in this situation if you don't do something soon. Your son is almost 7 months old, and you, whether you'd like to admit it or not, have been struggling with this change of life the whole time. From one mom to another, always remember, if you aren't making yourself happy, you aren't going to be able to make your family happy. *Hugs* I’ve never posted on your blog before but have beenn following for a few months. I think after reading post after post of unhappiness you need to get up and do something with your life Jane. You are too young to be a SAHM obviously…you aren’t happy with your life no matter how you try to sell it on yourself. I have a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old and I tried the SAHM thing, it didn’t work at all and I ended up driving myself crazy as well as my husband. I am a year older than you. You have to do something for yourself or you will regret it later in life. Don’t depend on Tarzan to take it upon himself to help you. Leave him no choice. Take action. Get a part time job to get you out of the house. And if work REALLY isn’t your thing, then at least leave Monkey with Tarzan a few nights a week while you go out and do something for yourself. Don’t feel guilty. You will end up a loser in this situation if you don’t do something soon. Your son is almost 7 months old, and you, whether you’d like to admit it or not, have been struggling with this change of life the whole time. From one mom to another, always remember, if you aren’t making yourself happy, you aren’t going to be able to make your family happy. *Hugs*

]]> By: Ashleigh http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31154 Ashleigh Fri, 26 Feb 2010 00:21:01 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31154 Oh god that scares me. I'm not married but pregnant and happily living with a wonderful man. I've read the stats though and try to stay positive and hope it won't happen to me. Oh god that scares me. I’m not married but pregnant and happily living with a wonderful man. I’ve read the stats though and try to stay positive and hope it won’t happen to me.

]]> By: Saffa Chick http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31003 Saffa Chick Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:00:55 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31003 PS. I once trained an ex to bring his dirty plates and cups to the kitchen by remarking how many more cockroaches I was finding in the living room, "maybe it's the dirty plates WE leave in here". Perhaps the same "observation" near the trash can will get your blokes to take the muck out in a timely fashion? Most men loathe roaches! PS. I once trained an ex to bring his dirty plates and cups to the kitchen by remarking how many more cockroaches I was finding in the living room, “maybe it’s the dirty plates WE leave in here”. Perhaps the same “observation” near the trash can will get your blokes to take the muck out in a timely fashion? Most men loathe roaches!

]]> By: Saffa Chick http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-31002 Saffa Chick Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:56:31 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-31002 I hear you... and by blogging it out for Tarzan to read I hope you feel better. I am ever so lucky with my bloke - he may be the only male on the planet who WIPES COUNTERS when washing dishes, and he replaces the bin bag when he takes the trash out. Of course, since I had our baby and became the stay-at-home-mom he doesn't do either of those things any more! How do I cope with the feelings of irritation? Every now and then I stand back, look at all the housework and baby-wrangling I do and say "this is my job". I could go back to work and pay someone to clean the house and look after the baby... but I want to do these things myself! Obviously this logic only works if you are a SAHM... I went through a very annoyed phase when our baby was about 6 weeks old because I felt my husband wasn't helping enough. I nagged and sniped and through passive aggression he stopped doing even the smallest things for me like making me a cup of coffee when making one for himself! Gee I was cross! So then I flipped it the other way. I praised him for anything he did, thanked him for thinking of me when he made me a coffee, and ...this could be super-controversial... I gave him an unsolicited BJ one morning when the baby had had me up and I got back to bed around 7am! I didn't feel like it, god no! But I knew it would make his day and cancel out all the bad feelings he was having. What a change! Suddenly he couldn't do enough for me - he washed up and took out the trash and cooked for me - for the first time in weeks! I only did that the one time (BJ's are not my favourite thing, if I'm in the mood I want to be receiving some too dammit!) but it sorted out a lot of problems. I know you are tired. I know you are doing just about all the housework and night feeds. I know you feel someone should be looking after YOU for a change. Maybe Tarzan just needs a bit more incentive to want to please you... I hear you… and by blogging it out for Tarzan to read I hope you feel better.

I am ever so lucky with my bloke – he may be the only male on the planet who WIPES COUNTERS when washing dishes, and he replaces the bin bag when he takes the trash out. Of course, since I had our baby and became the stay-at-home-mom he doesn’t do either of those things any more!

How do I cope with the feelings of irritation? Every now and then I stand back, look at all the housework and baby-wrangling I do and say “this is my job”. I could go back to work and pay someone to clean the house and look after the baby… but I want to do these things myself! Obviously this logic only works if you are a SAHM…

I went through a very annoyed phase when our baby was about 6 weeks old because I felt my husband wasn’t helping enough. I nagged and sniped and through passive aggression he stopped doing even the smallest things for me like making me a cup of coffee when making one for himself! Gee I was cross!

So then I flipped it the other way. I praised him for anything he did, thanked him for thinking of me when he made me a coffee, and …this could be super-controversial… I gave him an unsolicited BJ one morning when the baby had had me up and I got back to bed around 7am! I didn’t feel like it, god no! But I knew it would make his day and cancel out all the bad feelings he was having. What a change! Suddenly he couldn’t do enough for me – he washed up and took out the trash and cooked for me – for the first time in weeks!

I only did that the one time (BJ’s are not my favourite thing, if I’m in the mood I want to be receiving some too dammit!) but it sorted out a lot of problems.

I know you are tired. I know you are doing just about all the housework and night feeds. I know you feel someone should be looking after YOU for a change.

Maybe Tarzan just needs a bit more incentive to want to please you…

]]> By: Alohababy http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-30981 Alohababy Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:45:17 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-30981 grrrrrrrrr.....mike grrrrrrrrr…..mike

]]> By: Miracle Pending http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/3490/something-like-60-of-married-people-get-divorced-after-having-a-child/comment-page-2#comment-30967 Miracle Pending Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:07:42 +0000 http://www.hisboyscanswim.com/?p=3490#comment-30967 My fiance and I went through something similar recently. We're not even married so it makes it a little weirder to have problems after a baby. Of course he has a legal responsibility to take care of our child but not me. Anyway, I can give you a suggestion that seemed to work for us. "Talking it out" doesn't really work. Both parties get way too emotional and things get out of hand. After a pretty bad argument in the car, I stormed upstairs to go to bed. I woke up to find a letter from him. It was well written and explained the things he loved about me but some of the things that I did that hurt and frustrated him. I wrote back to him with an answer to why I've done things and what I wanted to do in order to fix the problems we have. I'm sure the trash really bothers you, but he probably doesn't know why or what needs to be done. I think if you explained to him that the whole process is short and would greatly improve your mood he'd make more of an effort. He can't read your mind, but I'm sure his memory isn't so horrible. Maybe you need to tell him that you need a day to yourself every week. He works a lot, but I"m sure he can handle a baby for a couple of hours. Taking care of a baby is hard. I think working is harder though. He has the stress of having to support your entire family on his shoulders. My fiance and I went through something similar recently. We’re not even married so it makes it a little weirder to have problems after a baby. Of course he has a legal responsibility to take care of our child but not me. Anyway, I can give you a suggestion that seemed to work for us. “Talking it out” doesn’t really work. Both parties get way too emotional and things get out of hand. After a pretty bad argument in the car, I stormed upstairs to go to bed. I woke up to find a letter from him. It was well written and explained the things he loved about me but some of the things that I did that hurt and frustrated him.
I wrote back to him with an answer to why I’ve done things and what I wanted to do in order to fix the problems we have. I’m sure the trash really bothers you, but he probably doesn’t know why or what needs to be done. I think if you explained to him that the whole process is short and would greatly improve your mood he’d make more of an effort. He can’t read your mind, but I’m sure his memory isn’t so horrible. Maybe you need to tell him that you need a day to yourself every week. He works a lot, but I”m sure he can handle a baby for a couple of hours.
Taking care of a baby is hard. I think working is harder though. He has the stress of having to support your entire family on his shoulders.

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