First, I’m not divorcing my husband.
I got SO many emails & tweets about just “hanging in there” & that’s totally been my plan… but thanks to everyone who tried to convince me to stay married. :)
The truth is, divorce is not an option & I knew that we just needed to have a good talk about all that’s going on. After I wrote the previous blog post, I went upstairs, handed Monkey to Tarzan, told him that I needed a break (he said “another break already?”), & went into the guest room & shut the door.
I was crying my eyes out. Call me emotional or just an overwhelmed stay-at-home mom. The point is that I was at my breaking point & was exploding. I was crying hysterically, like someone close to me had just died. It was ridiculous & I knew that it was time to have “the talk”.
At first we were both a little stubborn & didn’t seem to be paying attention to what each other was saying. But when we started to listen, it was amazing.
I told Tarzan that it’s hard. Staying at home with Monkey can drive me nuts at time. I worry about having the house clean, doing the dishes, the laundry, going grocery shopping, etc. Sure, it’s all pretty mundane, but it can get super overwhelming for anyone that is at it 24/7.
Tarzan told me that he tried so many times in the past to help out, but I criticized everything he was doing, making him feel like he wasn’t doing anything right. He said that he just shut off & totally focused on work stuff because that made him feel good.
Strangely enough, men need to be praised & to be told that they are doing a good job, whether it’s changing a diaper or taking out the trash. Of course I don’t understand it – It’s not like I get words of praise when I fold clothes, but I’m not going to worry about that.
After talking for a couple of hours (really), we both promised that we would try harder in the future. Tarzan would try to help out more & give me breaks when he sees that I need it. I promised that I would stop beating him down & thank him for the help that he gives.
While it’s just been a few days since this big talk, we are doing much better. We are both on the same page & even though it’s tough, I’m not keeping score anymore. The other day the trash was getting full & Tarzan was still asleep. Instead of getting annoyed & letting it build up inside of me, I took the trash out. & when Tarzan woke up, I didn’t mention a word about it.
See, I’m trying.
Monkey was extremely difficult yesterday. He screams for fun & I can’t stand the noise. It’s horrid. He was fussy & nothing pleased him. Usually I know what the kid wants, but yesterday was a different story. Nothing seemed to make him happy (teething, perhaps?).
Anyways, Tarzan came downstairs to show me something & when I was finished watching it, he asked why I was crying. He thought the video he created had made me cry, when instead I was just frustrated with Monkey & needed some time away. Without even having to ask, he told me to do whatever I needed to do & that he was going to play with Monkey until bathtime.
It was wonderful & what I needed to recharge.
I see us both going the extra mile with each other & it’s nice. It’s refreshing & just what we both need.
As a total side note: You know those girls who think that having a baby will make their relationship with their husband/boyfriend so much better? Geez, what a letdown that has to be when said baby comes & life as they know it changes completely. A person really needs to be in a good, solid relationship before having kids because even when they are, it still can be a bumpy road at times.
It’s amazing what a little communication will do in a marriage, isn’t it?!
You might also want to read:
- Follow-up to previous post about postpartum depression
- Update below post about uncomfortable feeling in my pregnant belly/pelvic region
- A quick post about our previous pregnancy blogs and baby blogs: Plus Our One Year Anniversary!
- Postpartum weight loss update… if you want to even call it an update
- Update to in-laws being in town for 2 weeks after baby Tarzan is born
Ah excellent... sometimes writing your peeves out is the first step to communicating them to your man. They really can't read minds or body language or the hints we drop! Geez, our DOGS know we're upset days before our men pick it up!
My mantra: "I can't believe he'd say/do [whatever it is] to hurt me. Am I overreacting?" (this is especially good during PMS)
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