Comments on: Update on previous post: No divorce here

By: Saffa Chick

Saffa Chick — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 11:41:40 +0000

Ah excellent… sometimes writing your peeves out is the first step to communicating them to your man. They really can’t read minds or body language or the hints we drop! Geez, our DOGS know we’re upset days before our men pick it up!

My mantra: “I can’t believe he’d say/do [whatever it is] to hurt me. Am I overreacting?” (this is especially good during PMS)

By: Melissa, mom-blogger

Melissa, mom-blogger — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 04:40:53 +0000

I’m reading, “And Baby Makes Three” by Dr. Gottman and it is all about this subject. I’m glad you two are working it out.

By: Bianca

Bianca — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 02:35:42 +0000

Thanks for the update, and you did the right thing! Good for you two. Good communication and understanding are the key to a great marriage. I am so glad you two are going the extra mile and little things like what you both is what makes your marriage stronger over time.

By: Mom of a 8 Month Old

Mom of a 8 Month Old — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 18:05:22 +0000

Amen, having a baby does change a marriage. How it changes it up to the couple. I know hubby and I have “argued” more since having our little one. It’s over the stupid things that you mentioned, but we’ve talked it through and I’ve promised to be nicer and he’s promised to be more proactive around the house. Is it perfect? Nope, but we are trying.

I’m glad you are being open with each other. One thing I would do, is to take time for yourself, not only when you need it, but also when you don’t. I think that will make the stressful times of being a mom a bit easier when you have planned time to yourself. I know it works for me. It’s been easy to say, “Ok, I can get through this, because in a few hours I’m going to go get a manicure or go shopping, etc.” Having those planned nuggets of time is so nice to have.

By: "little" one

"little" one — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 14:39:18 +0000

Hi Jane…. your posts are both about my biggest fear. We didn’t want to have a baby until after the wedding. I’m afraid that he and I will end up not getting married, because of the arguments that I know are on the way. I’m not saying that I don’t want my daughter, I’m just saying her coming is going to be the ULTIMATE test to our relationship.

By: MVP

MVP — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 06:02:44 +0000

That’s so wonderful that you’re willing to be so honest about this. Our relationship has really changed and hit some bumps since baby came along too. I totally agree that a relationship has got to be on really solid ground before baby comes along. I don’t see how having a baby could ever make a relationship stronger. It’s so difficult (but well worth it!!). Kudos to you for taking a step back and communicating your needs with each other.

By: Peta

Peta — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 04:25:07 +0000

Jane good on you for having a talk with T. I find that week days when hubby is at work that it is way less stressful even thou i am on my own and have to do more but i find it hard when their is some one home capable of helping and them not wanting to help. I would find it so hard if hubby was working from home so I think you guys are doing a great job and I kow you guys will iron out the small issues you have had.

By: Ellen

Ellen — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 02:01:41 +0000

lol I knew you weren’t leaning towards divorce or separation or anything like that. I’m glad you have this blog so you can vent to “unbiased” people. Raising a kid is incredibly challenging (as I’m finding out with a 4 week old) and is unbelievably stressful on your relationship with your spouse. It’s so nice to read your blogs and know that we are not the only ones who feel this way!
Just for the record, I also don’t get the “praising your man” thing. It kinda sucks to do, but if that’s what makes them tick… *sigh* I guess that’s just the way it goes

By: Lori @I Can Grow People

Lori @I Can Grow People — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:57:52 +0000

I am so happy that you and T are working it out. Parenthood is just so overwhelming. And a big balancing act: taking care of baby, the house, yourself and each other–not to mention if one or both parents have a “day job, ” ya know? My husband and I are still trying to figure out how to be husband and wife as well as mommy and daddy AND full-time working parents. SO. Overwhelming!

I commend you for being a stay-at-home mom. Most underrated job in the world! I’m not sure I could do it, though I do think about it a lot.

By: Meagan

Meagan — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:41:37 +0000

Good for you guys! Communication, compassion, empathy, and understanding are crucial in a marriage, especially with an infant. My ex husband and I had a great relationship before the baby because we both had freedom and could easily relate to each other. It fell apart all too easy, but in our case it was for the best. No use having our daughter growing up with bitter, angry parents. Now that we are apart, ex hubby has taken more of an interest in baby. I’m proud of you two for making an extra effort towards the good of your relationship!