Going on vacation is always fun, but stepping away from reality & coming right back into it is very hard for me. Like others, I almost need a vacation from my vacation.
Tarzan & I were in Vegas without Monkey. It was a great time, complete with no schedules, routines, or other people to worry about. The biggest decisions were what kind of drinks to order, what shows to see, & what table to gamble on. It was such a change from my current reality & it was a very nice & well-needed break.
But then real life came crashing down once our plane touched down in Houston. We had to meet my mom to pick up Monkey & found ourselves immediately rushing around. Nothing in Vegas was rushed, so being thrusted back into it pretty much sucked, for lack of better words.
We were so incredibly excited to see Monkey so it didn’t matter. We’d only been away from him one other time & this time was different. In Vegas I found myself looking around at the other babies & missing Monkey terribly. It didn’t help that every time he heard my voice on the phone he freaked out. I was sad & missed my little boy a lot.
So when my mom offered for him to stay with her one more night, there was no way that I could do that. We were really eager to see him.
But Oh. My. Gosh.
After being up late the night before, being stuck in the Vegas airport for a few hours, & flying, I just wanted to crash on the couch… but I couldn’t because there was a little person that needed to be taken care of. Oh right, that’s the way that I wanted it, I remembered.
Luckily it was around Monkey’s bedtime, so we just gave him a bath & put him to bed. I thought that I was all ready to just resume my routine the next day, but I found myself dragging & not doing anything. And the same rang true until today. Today I’m getting us back to our usual activities because I need it. & Monkey is probably bored.
I started weaning off my anti-depressant in April. By May 1st, I was completely off of it. I was exercising daily & doing many activities with other moms & babies. I felt great & would often tell Tarzan, “I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.” & it was all true.
But this past week happened & I’ve felt overwhelmed. I’ve been thisclose to losing my patience with Monkey. I’ve yelled at Tarzan. I’ve been lazy with taking medicine (stupid, I know). I bought SlimQuick (diet pill) on a whim because I was feeling fat. Monkey & I haven’t hung out with other moms & babies either. Last night I realized that while I’m not depressed, I’m not in a healthy place at the moment.
& that scares me.
Last night I was telling Tarzan that it’s like a ripple effect: When I exercise in the morning, the rest of my day is good. I make better choices when it comes to food. I have more patience all around. It’s just a lot better. & when I don’t exercise, the ripple isn’t good. I find myself beating myself up about my weight. I pick on myself any chance I get. I fight with my husband over the dumbest things. It’s just not good.
& believe it or not, for me, it’s all about making the initial choice to exercise in the morning. Who knew?!
So today Monkey & I are exercising & we are going to go back to our normal activities. I know that it suits me so much better & takes me to a happy place. A true place of joy. I am a better mom & wife. My house does not look like a tornado has come through it. I have more patience with my husband & am just a nicer person. Plus, I feel so much better about myself & that’s worth its weight in gold to me.
It’s probably all about balance in life. It’s the same with being a wife & a mother. I think it’s just something that I have to learn & figure out. But I’ll tell you this right now, & I never thought that I would say it, having a routine seems to suit me & my baby in a very healthy way.
You might also want to read:
- Postpartum Exercise + Flabby Baby Weight = A LONG Way To Go!
- Stroller Fit Adventures: Run, Lunge, Squat, Repeat
- 15 weeks pregnant: Exercise and ice cream
- Normal feelings towards motherhood or something more serious like postpartum depression?
- Late period & reflections of being pregnant the first time around
Lenna - I admit it, I am a bit of a brand snob & do like the more expensive things in life as well ;) What can I say, that's just who I am. & I'm very stubborn, but like you said, I am able to admit when I'm wrong. I appreciate the nice words too!
Alissa & Alicia - I miss y'all too. I've not been good at blogging lately & I'm going to try to post more regularly.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Like