A story of a cranky baby that fights sleep so bad & a mom that almost loses it

Being a mum is the most difficult things you have to go through and as well the most fantastic, I get frustrated and angry only in the eve with my partner ( poor him) but when my little one (12 weeks soon) refuse to settle cause she over tired or else and I've checked everything from nappy to burp , to even hair maybe tangled around her toes , I just walk away . I put her in bed and put the music for her and the mobile and just walk away... I'm feeling really guilty sometimes but it help.
And for the routine when she was 6 weeks i started to feed her around half 10pm, she will take two third , getting sleepy i will prepare a bath and finish the rest of the bottle after. It worked like a charm she does now her night every night. but you shouldn't feel guilty or justify yourself you didn't hurt him !!!! I'm on antidepressant since few days it's helping my big anger crisis but i know that if i get frustrated with my little one she will sponge my mood straight away and will not settle down until i will settle down myself.... so anyway good luck and all the best

Hello, I just finished reading what you wrote and have to say you are NOT a terrible mother. I have a 7 month old daughter who 70% of the day cries. It is not an easy thing to live with, listening to the crying and yelling, and for no reason. She eats, her diaper is changed, she has no fever and sleeps. but the rest of the time she just cries. I do everything to try to make her happy, everything but stand on my head, nothing seems to work.. Sometimes we will have a good day but I would say most of the days are tough, and for the life of me cannot understand why. I get very frustrated and I get mad at her, and I know it's not her fault, she is just a baby, but you can actually lose your mind. I have now started putting her in her crib and letting her cry, with the lights on in the day, 2 toys in there, and I go on the balcony and sit there for about 15-20 mins. I cannot win the battle with her, ever. I just know how you feel when you are at your wits end. I've never shook her or anything to that extreme either, but I have grabbed her out of her crib, and felt awful. It is very hard, but her dr always tells me this one thing that gets me through it, he has told me, it's not you, its her. You are doing a great job, so don't take it personally. I felt like she hated me, and my husband, but he has told me no. He has told me it will pass, and when you feel like you are done, you put her in the crib and walk away. no baby has ever died from crying. You are a fantastic mother, everyone here is a fantastic mother. We are all doing the best we can do, and the rest is really up to the baby, to do their part. I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone...

Well i can empathize.... And relate.. This is just the beginning. Children will test your limits over and over. Dont feel bad. I've walked away from my children many times at my limit, passed my limit..... Don't best yourself up... As long as you love him and care for him the highs will outweigh the lows....

I am a very FIRM believer in the benefits physically and psychologically of using Aromatherapy. Especially if you are having a week like you had! You might want to try aromatherapy pillow liners from Sleep Scentsations. Their relaxing lavender scent really helps with falling asleep and having a better nights sleep. You just slip the soft liners in your sheets or pillow. Its def something you might want to try for little monkey too when he's fighting his need for sleep. It's safe for children and there is no skin contact. You just need to breath in the scents while you sleep! http://www.sleepscentsations.com

I know this is a serious subject and everything, but I sort of giggled when reading all the responses because I bet you're like, "Tarzan look! All these gals say you owe me an apology!" And he's probably like, "Fine! But I don't think I overreacted!" Anyway that's how it would go at my house.
I have a few points:
1. Every mom "loses it" sometimes. Doesn't mean you need meds.
2. I "Lost it" one night when my daughter was 1 month old and kept waking up every half hour. I was pulling the blanket off her (we still swaddled at that age) and I pulled it too hard- her little body scooted an inch or two across her bassinet. That's all, but I was horrified. I didn't mean for my frusteration to reach her- only her blanket, if that makes sense. Right then and there, I said never again will I react physically no matter how frazzled I am, and I haven't.
3. Props to you for admitting that you lost it.
4. I bet you will never react physically again to little Monkey.
5. Tarzan didn't need to bring up the medication, but he and you should be concerned- every parent needs to learn coping methods without getting physical.
6. I think you've both learned what to do when you feel so out of control for next time. It doesn't hurt to leave the baby in his crib for 5 minutes while you calm down!
7. Tarzan should try putting Monkey to bed a few times on his own. Then let him talk about meds! ;)

Single mom here, no dad in the picture. My 11 month old daughter screams every night for at least an hour. She throws her head back and climbs out of my arms. She just hates to go to sleep. So I understand being frustrated. But getting frustrated to the point where you're doing something that makes you feel like a bad mom indicates that you should go back to a counselor and allow them to make a referal. Your husband isn't a doctor.

Please remember that medication is not a moral decision. It's for you to decide what you need and what you don't, whether it's help from your husband, a 5 minute mommy break, counseling, and/or an antidepressant. The big thing I've learned from my latest struggle with depression is that you don't have to feel like that. Depression is treatable. Yeah, everybody has bad days, even really bad days or weeks. But life doesn't have to feel like that all the time. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Drewstoons:

"I have probably the easiest baby anyone could ask for and I still find myself wondering if I could ever handle two. And then I feel really bad like I must be a seriously impatient person, or lazy, or just a crappy mom! You aren’t alone, or a bad mom. It’s an amazing job, but yeah, its not always going to be pretty. Keep up the good work "

I feel the same way since E is such a happy little gal. It makes me feel guilty considering not having anymore but I really truly think if I didn't have to work to make a living I could handle more. But its hard when both parents have to work outside the home 40+ hrs a week and still be patient enough to handle the kids. Then I think about the practical part of it like for instance...Jane I am sure Monkey is out of his infant car seat by now. Little E has just outgrown hers...now the new carseats that go up to 65 and 100lbs are not portable so you have to carry your child inside once you get home...I can't exactly juggle my purse, other crap, the baby and her diaper bag we transport back & forth to my DH's moms place (she stays with recently retired MIL all day). So, I have to bring her in, set her in her crib or a safe place, bring all the other crap in next and thats TWO TRIPS just for that...not to mention if I had groceries or something...then I think if I had another kid how the heck would I be bringing another one inside with a baby on my hip? I do not see how I'd do it. I am by myself some evenings in the week until DH gets home.

I completely second what MVP said. My son did the same thing, we always rocked him to sleep and then progressively around 8 months old he just got extremely wiggly and frustrated after finishing his bottle and I could tell he just wanted to be put DOWN. Now I just give him a kiss and lay him down and he just goo goo ga ga's himself to sleep on his own. It was just time and he needed space to roll around and fall asleep. It might be time for you to help your son to learn how to do this if he seems ready. It can make your life so much easier!!!

As for getting to that point of frustration, I know exactly what you're talking about. Its like a boiling inside of you that builds and builds and whether it's throwing a binky or stomping your feet, however you display that frustration can make you feel guilty afterward. It's never fun to feel like you lost your cool, or that you can't handle what the little guy throws at you. Just know it will pass, get yourself through THAT moment and know it's temporary, and look forward to his next big smile.

I have probably the easiest baby anyone could ask for and I still find myself wondering if I could ever handle two. And then I feel really bad like I must be a seriously impatient person, or lazy, or just a crappy mom! You aren't alone, or a bad mom. It's an amazing job, but yeah, its not always going to be pretty. Keep up the good work :)

You didn't hurt him and you never will. You're a good mom. It is frustrating when routines are broken and you were ready to be done for the day. Having Tarzan react like that only makes it worse. He owes you an apology. Tomorrow is a new day.

Hi Jane,

Our son did not sleep a night (or at all, really) in his crib until he was two months old - and it wasn't by OUR choice. Starting around 5 p.m., and often going until 2 a.m., he just screamed and was hysterically inconsolable. It was horrible. My husband works late two nights a week and on those nights, I was at my wits end when he would come home. One night, both the baby and I were hysterically crying when he came home - I just handed over the baby and went straight to bed. Whoever said earlier in this thread that they could completely understand how people end up hurting their children - we could understand that too. The important thing is that you DID NOT hurt Monkey and have had an opportunity to talk to Tarzan and hopefully you'll have some ideas for what to do when it happens again - because there will be another night when you lose your patience.

I think you and Tarzan should probably talk a little bit more about the realities of having a second child. You often mention the long hours he puts in, and if you've got two young children, he's going to need to reprioritize. It's ok to make a little less money and go without a few things as long as you're a strong family. I hope the best for you and your family, whatever you decide!

Jane you are not alone in any way shape or form,
but I must admit on those nights where i am at the end of my rope have been when hubby is in bed sleeping and I am up trying to get bub to sleep, I find I get frustrated more because I am not getting any help and I am jealous that one of us gets to sleep rather then getting frustrated because the baby is not going to sleep. I suspect this may of played a role in your bad night.

I am right there with you at times, Jane. I think all of us moms are, especially the ones who stay at home with little ones all day long. It isn't easy. And no two days are the same. I have suffered through PPD. I have gone through the conversations with my husband thinking that "maybe the meds would help" again. But, meds shouldn't be used for everyday frustrations, as we are all well-aware. Men just like to think that there is a "quick fix " for everything, and they certainly do not realize how hard it can be to get through a day of mommyhood sometimes.

You are not a bad mom. Trust me, I have had several "ugly" moments that I wish I could take back. The moments that I yell or speak to my 1o.5 month old like she is an adult and should understand what I am saying...those moments make me feel awful! Just today I got frustrated with Finnley. She woke up too early this morning. So, she had a morning nap way too early. And then her afternoon nap was too early. So, she was melting down much earlier than normal. She cried during dinner. She hit the sippy cup every time I tried to give it to her. She threw a fit in her high chair. My husband is out to dinner for work, so it was just me. And, I was starving for my own dinner. So, what did I do? I took her out of her high chair. I took her upstairs to her crib. And? I left her there to cry. And, she did. And, I got to eat my dinner. She cried off and on for at least 15 minutes, but sometimes she calmed down and played. And, when I came back to get her? She was much more settled. The "break" did us both good, apparently. She was manageable the rest of the night.

I agree...if you find yourself getting frustrated, don't be afraid to let your baby cry it out while you walk away. It doesn't hurt them. Sometimes it is just what they need to tire themselves out and fall asleep.

And, don't go thinking you are a horrible mom. Because if you ARE a horrible mom, so are the rest of us. And, that doesn't work for me!

Everybody has said such wonderful words, but I've gotta throw in here that I can understand why Tarzan said what he did. You had just confessed to bouncing Monkey because you were frustrated and at your breaking point. Yes, mommies get frustrated and maybe he doesn't understand the same feelings, but you have to remember that he went through a lot when you were struggling with PPD, too. You addressed the possible "haters" concerns by making it clear that you didn't shake the baby, etc, so you need to understand that your husband may've been scared for the same things. It doesn't mean he thinks you'd actually hurt Monkey, of course, but if what he heard was that you were reacting in a physical manner (although minor), that maybe you weren't quite over the PPD stuff yet. And I highly doubt he meant to offend you with it considering he left immediately (presumably to think things over) and came back after. You said that it bothered you tremendously that it even gotten to that point for you, and sure, it could've been alleviated had Tarzan known you were actually at your breaking point and come to help......but think about the fact that it probably really bothers him, too, that you got to that point. It's scary.

Now go back to reading everybody else's comments because they said the rest of what I would. Let him cry, it's okay to be frustrated and *completely* normal to get to that point of being done, etc, etc, etc.

I feel for you Jane. Being the primary care giver isn't easy at times. It's normal for you to lose your cool now and then as a mom. You did the right thing. Sometimes I'll put my son in his crib for a time out close the door just to ger a break or even put some toys in there so he can play as I need the break. You should read this post http://fortheluvovblog.blogspot.com/search?updated... I wrote, I felt like the worst mom in the world that day.

Hi Jane, I've been reading your blog for awhile but I've never posted. This post made me feel like I really needed to say something to you. My little boy is half the age of Monkey (5.5 months) but I have been in this same situation you have. You are NOT a bad mother and you definitely do NOT need medication. I was never on any anti-depressants after giving birth and I was lucky not to feel any post-partum blues/depression. But, I have gotten to this same point with my little boy when he wouldn't go to sleep. He's a terrible sleeper, so I get to a point where I am at my wits-end and I have actually done the same exact thing you described doing to Monkey above. Not shaking, pretty much just like horsey, but I am actually frustrated. This doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or that you're depressed; you were just an exhausted mom who had reached the end of her rope. Good for you for going and asking for help and for controlling yourself like you did.
You will be able to handle two babies but I'm sure you'll have days where you reach your breaking point, like you did with Monkey. Tarzan needs to understand that you will need help at that point and it's not because you need medication but just because your a mom and sometimes moms get tired and lose their patience.

Jane- Case in point, last night Elizabeth screamed her guts out with my husband after taking her bottle. At first I was convinced she was hurt but then realizing how she'd fussed a little (but not screamed) while we had bathed her and how she was rubbing her tired red eyes...well nothing we could do to console her so we put her in her crib...she rolled over and "talked " to her stuffed bunny and then 20 mins later was fast asleep and never once even cried out to be picked up! Amazing!

There are times she will outright yell when you lay her down even when she is tired but last night was an example of how, had I tried to hold her and listened to her screaming I would have felt like a failure as a mom, made her angrier, she clearly did NOT want to just be held, when in reality all she wanted was her bunny and her bed!

Hi Jane,

I didn't have PPD, but I believe what you had was a really horrible evening with Monkey and I don't think you need to be medicated! Shame on Tarzan for saying that to you. Every parent wakes up in the morning with a full glass of patience. As the day goes on, depending on what happens during the day, your level of patience either stays the same (a sign that you are having a good day) or in the case of a really bad day, (trouble with work, family, etc.) it goes down. It sounds like you ran out of patience that night and ended up super overwhelmed. We've all been there.

When this happens to me with my baby and I am alone, I put the baby in a safe place and walk away. It's amazing how much control you get back after giving yourself some time to cool off and think things through.

If my hubby is at home at the time, I ask him for help. He has never hesitated to come and help me nor has he ever ignored or taken my requests for help lightly. I love him for this. No questions asked, he steps in and it the situation always turns out for the best for everyone involved. Of course, I do the same for him too.

You're bound to encounter more of these days as Monkey gets older and of course when you have another baby in the house. Heck, I had meltdowns long before I had a baby! You can't prevent these days from coming, but you certainly have control over how you deal with them (without depending on medication-unless it's PPD for real).

I hope Tarzan is supportive and understanding when you have days like this. You two will need to work together even more when another baby arrives. Please don't let this incident change your mind about having another baby. You are a wonderful mother. Although, I think it's very responsible of you to think about the pros and cons.

I could have written this myself! We've had 3 very trying nights in a row due to my son being sick with rotavirus. We just did sleep training 2 weeks ago to finally move our 10 month old to the crib and it went great! Then the sickness came and everything went to hell in a hand basket. He has been feeling better these last 2 days..just better enough to fight sleep like he's allergic. He gets to the point where every attempt to calm him makes him that much angrier and he screams at the top of his lungs, bucks and kicks and hits us in the face. Due to me getting no sleep for quite some days now, I lost my patience in a big way and kept telling him to stop (in a not so friendly way) which was only making him angrier. I finally had to step outside and throw things and let my husband take over. He was about as understanding as yours. I told him that when he's spent 2 hours being abused that way by his child on 3 hours of sleep a night for the last several nights, he can come talk to me. And wouldn't you know, the next night when it happened all over again, he was the first to lose his patience. Made him understand where I was coming from a little. Hang in there. Our little ones are old enough to push our buttons now, and they're going to do that on occasion. Sounds like monkey is as strong willed as our son. He wants what he wants when he wants it and that is that! I also feel like a giant a-hole when I lose my patience, but we are human, afterall. Its knowing when to take a moment and get control of yourself that's important.

I know what you are talking about exactly. In fact, I feel like I wrote a lot of your blogs because I feel the exact same way!! You do not need medicine; you are just human. It does make you feel bad though when you get upset with your baby, even though you know you would definitely NEVER harm him. Just to get that upset hurts your feelings. I feel ya!

Honey, I think ever mom out there has felt that way....MEDICATED OR NOT! I have to agree with a few moms though, if you feel like you're going to lose it, put that baby in his bed and leave. Take 5 minutes, compose yourself (usually helps if you don't hear your baby cry), but none-the-less, just take a minute to yourself. Like someone else said, NO baby ever hurt themselves from crying for a few minutes. In fact, you might go back in and that little boy could have been conked out! A little crying to work out excess energy works wonders sometimes.

When my son was about...Oh, 5 or 6 months old I think, he REFUSED to go to sleep. He was tired, but acting hyper and being a pain in the rear. I (god this sounds awful) dropped him into his crib, and left him crying. I felt like the worst mom in the world. Now I didn't THROW him down, but I didn't exactly gently set him down either...We all get upset, we all get frustrated, it's part of being MOM. Don't beat yourself up over it, 'cause you're going to have more of these nights and days. And then they're going to learn to do other little things that push your buttons and all you can do is take a deep breath and pray to god, he's given you the patience to not beat the hide off them. (I mean that jokingly.)

BTW, I am expecting my second baby as well, my kids will be about 18 months apart when this little girl is born! I wonder every day how I'm going to manage two babies, a house, work, and everything...Then after my boy goes to bed, I remind myself that being a mom is the most amazing thing I've ever done, and IT WILL ALL WORK OUT.

I was almost 10 when my little sister was born. She didn't latch properly, and cried all the time because she was never full. At about 4 months old she started spitting up blood. We took her to the pediatrician, who never looked at my mother's nipples to see the sores the bad latch had brought about and diagnosed my sister as being lactose intolerant. It took over a month of formulas she refused to eat before we realized she wasn't lactose intolerant. All the while, she still cried all the time because she was hungry. Of course, by this point, my mother's milk had dried. We spent the next 3 months trying every formula brand possible until we finally found one she liked. By this time she was JUST starting to calm down because we had started her on solids.

I shared a room with her from the moment she was born until I graduated and left my Mom's house. All throughout this time of colic I would come home from school to my mom, who had not showered and looked like she was about to stab somebody, handing me the baby so that she could do one of any number of chores she'd been dreaming about using as an excuse to get some time without a screaming baby. I'd take care of her for an hour or two (at least) every day until my Dad could get home.

This didn't make my Mom a bad mom. She had to do this. If you sit with your crying baby, helpless to stop their crying for whatever reason, you will start to unravel. Loosing patience is only the beginning, and stepping away is the BEST solution.

To this day I thank my experiences with my sister. It's not only helped me to recognize that my son is a WONDERFUL baby, but that when I can't calm him down and nothing I can change is wrong, that it's not a terrible thing to walk away from the situation when I'm at the end of my wits. I might not be a fan of letting my son cry continuously, but I do know that there are some situations where it can't be helped and that is ok.

You aren't alone. Many mothers (past and present) have gotten to this point (and further). Children aren't easy to raise, and there's no one right way to do it. You're doing a great job.

Why can't you just type out the word "and"?

I hear ya. My daughter is almost 7 months old and I definitely have felt this way a few times in those months. I know what you mean about being angry at your husband for not stepping in when you first called for him, too. This is going to sound silly and off-topic, but have you seen Sex and the City 2? I was able to get an evening off from baby duty and go out after work with a few of my coworkers to see this movie. It's not a stellar film but it is entertaining. What really made it worth the $10 (for me) was a scene featuring Miranda and Charlotte discussing the realities of motherhood over some stiff drinks. At the end of their conversation they raised a toast to all the courageous mommies out there who manage to take care of their home and kids without a the benefit of a full-time nanny. Jane, you're one of those courageous mommies. Motherhood is a hard job. Keep up the good work!

"You put him in the crib, shut the door, and let him cry it out for a little bit. Seriously, when children are over tired like Monkey was, the cry it out method works wonders. He might cry for thirty minutes or so, but he will fall asleep. You yourself said there was nothing he actually needed."

****

EX-actly what Gorda said! Tho it might hurt your heart a little its NOT a big deal b/c when Elizabeth gets this way she's just really really tired and unsure of how to get comfortable enough to sleep...she won't even cry for taht long not even 5 full mins and she's screaming and then out like a light!!! Seriously he will go to sleep , just when they get over tired or over stimulated they can get MAD! Its amazing to me how MAD a baby can get. The tell tale signs for us are the eye rubbing and she will get upset IN the tub with me at times. I have to hurry it up lol.

But regarding the 2nd kid issue...I too do NOT know how I would handle a baby plus a toddler/older one. Seriously! It makes me think hard about even having another b/c just imagine him when he's fussy or even just all over the place and playful and then a 2 year old around??? I do not know how single moms do it either.

You are NOT a bad mom!!! Bad days are a part of everyone's life and it is totally normal to feel that way. You will have bad days regardless of # of kids, so don't let it cause you to doubt yourself. Have you considered putting him in a front-carrying sling while you go about the house? It never fails with mine but it's just a suggestion.

Every parent gets those moments (us Dads too). When NHL & JSL were babies, the night-shift was mine. (Still is if they wake up at night.) It's only fair since B takes care of them during the day while I'm at work. There were plenty of nights where I was ready to just scream at them "Just fall asleep already! 2am is *NOT* playtime!!!!"

Nowadays, I still feel like I'm ready to scream but for different reasons. NHL (now 6) will do something he knows is wrong... something I just finished telling him *NOT* to do. As I'm scolding him (and trying to keep my cool), JSL (now 3) will repeat his brother's actions and then give me the evilest little smile that a three year old can give. Then, while I'm scolding JSL, his brother will do something else that I told him not to do. Wash, rinse, repeat. Don't ask me how B puts up with it all day. (I try to take over when I get home, but I cook dinner and it's tough cook and wrangle 2 little ones at once.)

You are not a bad mom. What happened to you last night happens to me with my 10 1/2 month old ALL OF THE TIME. Despite falling all of the the, you kid will sleep if you do this rules, my son still struggles and sometimes I lose it, too. Not in a hurtful way, but just in the way you described. My "Tarzan" has had to learn to help me, but it took some time for us to work as a seamless time. I hope that Monkey gives you a break tonight and gets to sleep quickly!

I get there a lot. And a lot of the time, my husband isn't here to help because he works 12 hour overnights at a prison. So I'm left to sigh, stomp around and throw my own Mommy version of a tantrum trying to get the babe to sleep. When she grins at me or sighs happily in her sleep while I'm holding her, I feel like the biggest asshole ever. Do I feel like I need antidepressants? No. Could I use a break and a beer?

Ayup.

Yes, been there, I think probably almost every mother has if they're being honest.

I'm really anti cry-it-out methods of sleep training, but I think its a totally different thing to put your baby in a safe place (his cot) and walk away for a few minutes to regain your composure.

I'm just surprised he's still letting you rock him to sleep at this age. My son gave that up a couple months ago. He started with the stuff you're experiencing, so I took that as he didn't want to be rocked anymore, and that's when I started just putting him down in his crib, covering him, kissing him and leaving. And now he puts himself to sleep. Makes all our lives easier, honestly. Your son just might be hitting a developmental milestone and not need all the cuddling you're giving him to get settled down. He may be becoming more independent, wanting to settle himself. My son "talks" for about 5-20 minutes before finally knocking off for naps and bed at night.

Amen to the first 2 comments! As a friend told me, "no baby has ever died of crying". I take these words to heart :). Of course you gotta be there for all your baby's needs, but I even read in a parental magazine that soothing himself to sleep is an acquired skill that you, as a parent, should teach him. And not feel guilty about it at all! It's hard, I know... It breaks my heart to see my 7 and a half month old daughter show any sign of dissatisfaction. But like Crysi said, motherhood is tough. Sometimes we gotta let them cry for their own good. And mommy's :).

You are not a bad mom by any means. We have all been there, many times. There are times when mommy needs the time out too. I tell Adia that too. There are times when mommies get frustrated, or lose their patience, or have hit the breaking point & mommy needs time alone to decompress. With 3 kids, I hit that place at least once a day. Usually it's Adia pushing the boundaries & being a typical
3yo & then 2 fussy twins. Motherhood is rough.

You know, I think we ALL have those feelings. I remember when my 1st daughter (Now 3.5) was about 4 months old. She screamed and cried for over an hour. I was at my wits end. I was actually driving at the time, so, I pulled off, got out of the car and shut the door. I called my husband crying saying "I would never hurt her, but I can TOTALLY see how someone could lose their cool". It's horrifying when it happens, but then you realize you walked away. You weren't as bad as that person.

When you reach that point again, if you have no help right there, just walk away. Put Monkey in his crib, make sure he's safe, and WALK AWAY. Step outside for fresh air. I have never heard of a baby getting injured because they cried a little too much because their mom needed a few minutes to compose herself. I have had to do it with my children before. It does not make you a bad mom at all to lose your patience. It happens to us all. Sometimes you just have to step back.

hi dear, i was blog hopping and couldn't help but to give my two cent's worth of your story. something similar did happen to me when my angel is around 1 year plus (i did blogged about it at http://phatmummy.blogspot.com/2010/02/mother-daugh...).

i don't have any so-called advice or guidance to give to you when faced with these kind of situation, but based on my personal experience, when i feel like reaching my limit, i just take a deep breath and let go. just give in and let the frustration and tears embrace me. trust me, this kind of thing happen. you are not alone. and you are most certainly not a bad mother.

i've been there, in the dark place where everything feels sooo...empty. and the next thing i know, i was venting my frustration on everything. it was not a good experience, both for me, my hubby and my little angel. i hope i can give you more positive thing to look forward to, but really, i grow stronger and more patient with time and age (of course) it is true what they say about the older you get, the more mellow you are.

anyways, please do remember that you are an amazing mother (or you wouldn't have blogged about this story) and all the best in your future journey.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU DO NOT NEED MEDICATION. My daughter is almost 5 months and I have been following your blog since I found out I was pregnant. I know we have all felt frustrated and annoyed and then disappointed in the fact that we were frustrated. My daughter has HORRIBLE allergies and some nights she can't breath we can't sleep and she just screams. I feel helpless and out of control. My husband decided about a month ago that he was not ready to be a father and wanted a divorce. I have been doing this alone from the beginning pretty much, but now it is really all just me. I know the feeling of not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel when they just won't cooperate and there is no one to step in. It isn't that you hurt your baby, but that you just feel guilty that you felt sooo ugly about the situation at the time. When nothing is working for my Princess and I am exhausted and out of ideas, I feel the same way. and then when she goes down, I sit in the living room and think...WTF?!?!?! How could I feel soooo frustrated about someone SOOO awesome and wonderful. Don't beat yourself up...have a glass of wine, tell Tarzan you love him, and go to bed. Tomorrow you can simply explain that you were having a moment and you don't think it is time to go to meds again, but that you appreciate him being so aware of the dangers of PPD:-)

You put him in the crib, shut the door, and let him cry it out for a little bit. Seriously, when children are over tired like Monkey was, the cry it out method works wonders. He might cry for thirty minutes or so, but he will fall asleep. You yourself said there was nothing he actually needed.