Obviously, I’m not great at blogging regularly anymore. I feel like I was a champ at it when I was pregnant, but that’s probably because I had way more time on my hands. It’s also easier to post when there is something going on, like a miscarriage and having to have a D&C. Now that that is over, I find myself getting too caught up with everything going on in my life. But I’m going to try to be better because I do enjoy writing.
So, to pick up where I last left off…
My doctor told me that we could start trying to get pregnant after my first period. Well, I had my first period about two weeks ago, but I haven’t let my husband touch me in forever. I don’t know if I am ready to start trying and I’m not sure where that comes from.
The day I came home from the doctor and knew that I wasn’t going to have a baby, I told my husband that I wanted to try right away for another one. Perhaps that was just my hormones talking, I don’t know. I do know that part of the reason is because I’m losing weight right now and I don’t want to be gaining weight until I’m satisfied at where I am.
I think another part is because my son is so easy right now and I’m enjoying him immensely. He’s so fun. I can’t imagine having a newborn right now. It almost feels like it would jeopardize my son in a way. But on the flip side, I, for sure, want more kids. I do want Monkey to have a sibling. And I also know that the longer I wait, the easier Monkey will be and the harder it will be to have a newborn.
Hmm. All these decisions.
And lastly, I feel like I will be a mess whenever I do get pregnant. I don’t feel like I worried too much when I was pregnant with Monkey. I felt like I was pretty laid back and just went with the flow of it. Since having a miscarriage, I think I will be a nervous wreck and question every little thing. Or worry if the heart is still beating. Or worry because I haven’t felt too many kicks that day.
You know, it’ll just be 40 weeks of worry and that doesn’t sound fun. I feel like having a miscarriage tainted me and pregnancy, almost. It put so much more worry into pregnancy. I guess worry always comes with pregnancy, but I feel like I will just be a mess throughout the whole time and I don’t like the way that feels.
Any advice out there?
You might also want to read:
- Pregnancy ups, downs, worries, and giggles (Plus funny pictures that’ll give you the jiggles)
- No worries about additional baby costs during labor and delivery, pills are included!
- Monkey, a bump, a trip to the pediatrician’s office, & lots of worries
- How do you know when a miscarriage happens naturally?
- Update: I’m having the D&C procedure