I posted a while ago about how I had a little meltdown with Tarzan about being pregnant and my friends being in a whole different place than where I am. Maybe all of this just comes with being pregnant – You start to really think about your life as you know it and how it will drastically change once your baby is born.
Well, who am I kidding, my life has already changed and I’m only about to begin the second trimester. Already I’ve changed my eating habits, my sleeping patterns have changed, I feel more sick with less energy than ever, and the list could go on and on. I’m already a slightly different person with more change to come.
I find myself not sharing every little thing about my body and uterus with my friends right now. Sure they care about me and the baby growing inside, but I feel like they can’t relate and I don’t want to be that person that only talks about car seats and strollers.
I try to picture my group of friends with me not being pregnant and one of them pregnant. I know that we would want to hear updates, but I also know that I wouldn’t understand it all. And I wouldn’t be able to relate really.
“Oh, I’m sorry you have morning sickness. I’m here for you, but I have no idea what it feels like.”
“Your uterus is the size of a grapefruit… Cool. Want to go shopping?”
“You’re almost out of the first trimester? Wow. Uh, what does that really mean?”
I’m actually doing them a favor by not telling them every little thing that is going on. I share the big, important things that are happening like hearing the heartbeat and having the first ultrasound.
I do have good friends though. They call and ask how I’m doing, how I’m feeling, and what’s been going on. It’s nice to also have normal conversations with them about other things that are going on besides talking about my uterus. I like it.
All that being said, I got 3 cards in the mail yesterday from various friends. You know how nice it is to check the mail and get fun cards, magazine, and anything else that doesn’t fall into the bill category. I couldn’t open the cards fast enough. All 3 cards were baby cards and they melted my heart. Even though my friends can’t relate to what I’m going through right now, they try and that is all I could ask for!
Here’s a little bit of a card from my best friend for just me. I’ve told her my worries about everything changing and made her promise that she would still want to hang out with me and the baby. Silly, I know, but it’s scary when your life is going to change so much. Here’s what she said:
” I couldn’t be happier for you. Having a little “mini you” with the man of your dreams! You really will make such a great mom, and even though it’s going to be a new chapter in your life, it’s going to be a great one. I love you and will always be your friend, even IF you decide to be one of those moms that takes about strollers and baby poop all the time. Just remember, we will ALL be there with you soon and you will just happen to be the lucky one to be able to offer up all the great advice!”
Another one for both me and Tarzan:
“Congratulations! I’m so happy for both of you. This is going to be such an exciting time! You guys are going to make wonderful parents. The baby is going to be one lucky little boy or girl!”
And the 3rd card has a picture of a little girl dressed up with wings on and my friend wrote:
“I thought this cute was so cute! If you have a little girl, we are going to dress her up so cute just like the little girl on the card! I’m so excited for your baby! It’s going to be a great year!”
See, my friends do care and I think they are just wonderful!
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As a single professional gal, it’s not easy when a married girlfriend gets pregnant either! I am genuinely excited for my bff and just confused about what to say, what to do and a little bit frightened as to how this will change our long-distance friendship.
I found your blog after googling “dealing with pregnant friends”. There are gonna be times when I don’t say the right thing, but my feedback/encouragement is full of good intentions. And with all due respect to pregnant ladies out there…..no one’s ever said y’all are the most emotional stable with all those extra hormones floating inside your body. Most of the time, I’m just trying to get thru our 20-minute phone call without upsetting her.
Interestingly, I got a lot more google results listing chat rooms/threads with pregnant women venting about their non-pregnant friends, than vice versa. So, please speak up and tell us how you feel.
Jane, thanks so much for posting. Your blog was very insightful and helped me realize that whether or not my bff admits it, she’s probably freaking out about pregnancy as well. So, even though I am frightened about the future I will do my best to celebrate the moment and make every effort to accomodate this life-changing milestone. Instead of thinking of the pregnancy as yet another time constraint in our friendship, I’ll take it as another tie-that-binds our lives together.
I’m on the other side of things kinda…
most of my “friends” dropped out of my life when I got married and had to move to New York with my husband (he’s in the army). Now that I’m pregnant it seems everyone is crawling back and that is really annoying to me. If I’m not good enough to be their friend becasue I got married and they could no longer relate to me, why do they suddenly need to be in my life becasue I’m having a baby? Really you’d think it would make it that much harder for them to relate to me and it really feels like they are just using me to get to the baby (they all love kids but aren’t in that place in life yet).
That’s great that your friends are so caring. I am 22 weeks pregnant and have been going through the same feelings since I started trying to conceive… My friends are just in a different place, and actually got angry with me because I didn’t have enough time for them anymore. Um, hello? It’s only going to get worse from here! And now they don’t even ask me how I’m doing/how I’m feeling anymore. When I show them pictures of ultrasounds, they seem uninterested. They completely try to ignore the fact that I’m pregnant. So… I have found a group of friends who are all moms, and they have been a great support network. I guess you will always have girl friends for different parts of your life! It’s good to know that yours stand the test of time.
Jennessa, that’s a sweet post about your husband. In the end, he is all that you need to go through with being pregnant. After all, as much as I love my friends, they wouldn’t go with me to the doctor or classes.
Thanks for your smart words!
I had a melt down too. I got pregnant in Iowa all my friends and family lived in Cali. I put such a pressure on myself that I didnt have my girlfriends around…. silly me! My husband never missed a Dr appt, Lamaze class and baby shower. Now I look back and realise I never needed any one else except him, because after all I only wanted him in the delivery room and well WE were the only ones in the room when we got pregnant so it only seemed appropiate. Of course everyone is different but my point is that even during all the craziness it comes down to you 2 as a couple. Just keep that in the back of your head.