Monday, February 8, 2016

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Pregnancy Gas: Wife’s Early Pregnancy Gas Drives Husband Out Of House

by Tarzan · 72 comments

Pregnancy gas is one of those inevitable things a couple has to deal with during pregnancy.  I guess you can say that it’s one of the few things that a expecting parents go through that really stinks! Now I hope that Jane doesn’t mind me sharing some of our pregnancy gas stories with the world today.  

After all, pregnancy gas is natural, it happens to most pregnant women, and fellow soon-to-be fathers will be able to relate to me here.  So here’s the deal…

Almost immediately after Jane became pregnant, her pregnancy gas has been… how do I say this politely… bad enough to be used as a weapon to quickly clear out an entire room.

I’ve heard that gas and pregnancy seem to go hand-in-hand.  When you’re pregnant, you’ll have gas trouble.  And sometimes, a lot of it!  Below are a few stories about how pregnancy gas has effected our lives and what I’ve done in an attempt to stay in the ‘safe breathing zone‘.

Pregnancy And Gas: While Driving In A Car

pregnancy-and-gas-while-drivingJane and I were on her way back from from her parents house one evening.  It was chilly outside, so we of course had our windows up and the heat on.  It was a nice and relaxing drive.  The radio was playing some soft music and Jane was rubbing my arm gently.  I was in heaven.

Suddenly, Jane had a pregnancy gas attack and she released a killer silent but deadly pregnancy gas attack on me.

Within seconds I snapped out of my relaxed state and began to cough and gag.  Jane started to laugh and I quickly rolled down the windows.  We were driving on the highway and a freezing wind rushed throughout the car.  ”Ahhh I’m cold!” Jane said quickly before all of the windows were completely down.

I stuck my head out the window, took a deep breath of fresh air, and then rolled the windows back up.  Jane said, “It’s not that bad, you’re overreacting.”  Like heck I was.  The moment the smell of the pregnancy gas bomb hit my nose my gag reflexes kicked in and I began coughing like I just inhaled  a gallon of gas straight from a gas pump.

I held my breath for as long as I could.  Once I reached the point of dizziness, I couldn’t take it any longer.  I quickly released the air I was holding in and took several deep breaths to get some oxygen flowing back to my brain.

The pregnancy gas lurked in the car like fumes of a think 100 gallon beef stew boiling in a kitchen with no ventilation.

Jane laughed and laughed as I continued to cough and gag until I put my shirt over my mouth and nose.  And it stayed that way for the next 10-15 minutes.

It was at that very moment I knew that I was in deep trouble for the next 8 months.  Pregnant woman must have some built-in immunity to their own pregnancy gas and can somehow withstand the gut-wrenching smell.

The above scenario has repeated itself more times than I can count… and Jane is only 12 weeks pregnant!  We still have a ong way to go!

Pregnancy And Gas: While In Bed

gas-and-pregnancyImagine being sound asleep and you ever so slightly wake up to move onto your side or back.  You are relaxed, comfortable, and gently lift the covers to put your arm under them.  As you life up the covers, the KING of horrible smells unleashes its power into your nose.  You are suddenly jolted away as you gasp for air.

There have been several nights over the last few weeks where Jane has gas while sleeping.  They just slip out while she’s asleep and is never made aware of the danger she just released upon her sleeping husband.

I have had to cover my head with my pillow several times over the past few weeks in an attempt to escape a pregnancy gas attack.  And what makes matters worse, the longer the smell lingers under the covers, the more potent they can get by adding a whole new dimension to the smell which I call.. ‘the stale factor’.

An important update…

Now because you’re supposed to document everything during pregnancy using a pregnancy journal, or even a pregnancy blog like what we have going here…

For the first time ever, I’m going to finally document and name these pregnancy gas sounds so that any mother to be or father to be will be able to quickly identify the types of pregnancy gas.  So today… I bring to you…

The Sounds Of Pregnancy Gas

Not all pregnancy gas attacks are silent but deadly.  Jane has released sounds I’ve never ever heard before in my life.  I’ve documented the sounds of pregnancy gas below and for your convenience… I named them.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 1: “The Barking Rooters”

pregnant-woman-gas-barkThere have been times where I have been upstairs and I hear what I thought was our dog bark.  One time I was working in my office and I heard this “rooooot!” sound.  

I walk out of my office, go to the top of the stairs and ask Jane why our dog barked.  She started cracking up for a good 10 seconds and finally admitted that the sound came from her.  Pregnancy gas had stuck again.

The barking rooter sounds just like a dog trying to bark and growl at the same time.  It’s horrifying.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 2: “The Straight Loud Squeakers” 

early-pregnancy-gasJust two day ago I was in the kitchen working from my laptop at the kitchen table, and Jane was on her computer sitting on a barstool at our island not too far from me.  She was on the phone with her mom having a fairly serious conversation.

Suddenly a sound roars from Jane that made both me and our dog nearly jump 3 feet into the air.  Our dog suddenly sat up, I was startled and looked up from my computer and the sound continued to come from Jane for another 3-4 seconds.

This time, Jane’s pregnancy gas was making a squealing sound.  Imagine a very young kid screaming, “weeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr weeeeeeeeeerrrrr” with the highest pitch you can imagine.

I looked at Jane for a couple of seconds and started to completely crack up.  She bursted into laughter and had to put the phone down so her mom wouldn’t hear us laughing.  I’m telling you, I’ve never heard a sound like that in my life.  I just wonder if this will be common or if it’s just early pregnancy gas?

Pregnancy Gas Sound 3: “The Popping Thudders”

gas-during-pregnancyThe popping thudders are one of the strangest pregnancy gas sounds.  

The best way to imagine the way this one sounds is dropping a medium-sized cardboard box 1/2 fill of books onto a tile floor from three feet up.  

It’s a combination of a ‘pop’ sound and deep ‘thud’ that only lasts about one second.

These are also known to scare the heck out of people around a pregnant woman because the just seem to come from nowhere.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 4: “The Machine Gun Attack”

pregnancy-gas-painsAt times when Jane releases this pregnancy gas I feel like I should run and take cover because we’re under attack.  The Machine Gun sounds like well, a machine gun.  It’s usually long-winded and can last anywhere from a few seconds, even as long as four or five seconds.

When Jane releases these bad boys I swear I can actually see her belly getting smaller as the gas is released.  

These are also very dangerous because they often release a very large toxic cloud of gas that can linger for a very, very long time.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 5: “The Bubbling Wet Spooters”

pregnancy-symptoms-gas1The first emotion I feel when Jane released this pregnancy gas sound is concern.  By the sound of things, a little more than has had just been released.  

The Bubbling Wet Spooter is compared to the sound you’d hear if you took a kazoo and hummed as low as you could into it while the other end where the sound is coming out is stuck into a bowl of cooking oil.

Believe me, it’s a very scary sound.  Thankfully, these are a lot more rare than most of the other pregnancy gas sounds.  And of course, thankfully Jane has not had any accidents with this one.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 6: “The Common Fartograms”

pregnancy-gasAll of us can relate to this one.  Nearly every day we experience the Common Fartograms ourselves first-hand.  

This pregnancy gas by far is the most common and makes the sound we’ve all heard a thousand times before.  

However, never underestimate the sheer power that these monsters have when a woman is pregnant both in sound and smell.  Many have been known to damage a husband’s sense of smell for weeks.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 7: “The Dying Trumpets”

pregnancy-fartingIf a trumpet was dying, I swear this is the sound it would make.  

These start off with a higher pitch and slowly move down into a lower muffled sound.  What’s unique about these pregnancy gas sounds is that they more often than not make people laugh after hearing them.  

It’s just a sound that you don’t hear everyday.  Combine that with the realization that a sound like that is coming from someone’s (or your own) body and you can’t help but laugh!

Pregnancy Sound 8: “The Trailblazing Bubble Popping Squeakers”

gas-pains-during-pregnancyThis is the rarest amongst all pregnancy gas sounds.  Since Jane has been pregnant, I’ve only heard her do it once.  What also makes this one so special is that this one is only released while you are walking.

The sound starts with a slight deep ongoing bubble popping sound that repeats itself several times for three or four seconds.  Then something amazing happens.  With every step Jane takes, her bottom releases a squeaking sound.  These rarely talked about, seldom heard beasts have been known to last for as long as ten seconds!

As gas is released with each step, you hear this “Wheeep!  Wheep!  Wheep!  Wheep!” sound.  It lasts so long that you actually start to wonder if she needs to pour some oil down there to lube up whatever is rubbing together and causing the squeaking.

Thankfully, because this pregnancy gas is only released when one is walking, I have not experienced the displeasure of smelling them.

More being added soon as Jane has more pregnancy gas trouble!

As Jane’s pregnancy continues and because pregnancy and gas go hand-in-hand, I will be coming back to this blog post to keep this list up-to-date as new sounds are heard.

Also, if you have experienced any pregnancy gas sounds that I have yet to experience, you are more than welcome to post a comment below and share the sound with us.  Also, if you found this post helpful and you know anyone who is pregnant, already has children, or could relate to any of the above, feel free to share this page with them.

 Many will find comfort in finally knowing the names of the sounds that come from… the dark side.

Thank you,

You might also want to read:

  1. For an instant hormone flare-up, just add a pinch of pregnancy and a dash of husband.
  2. Pregnancy week 19 brings many happenings from listing our house due to no maternity insurance to the mysterious gallbladder.
  3. Unbelievable! We did it! We’re able to pay all pregnancy and baby doctor bills… and we saved our house!
  4. Pregnancy Week Sweet 16? Jane celebrates by throwing up several times. I celebrate by cleaning up.
  5. 16 weeks pregnant belly: The trash, the dragon, and the lack of steamy I Want To Attack You juices.

Facebook comments:

{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }

1 christine

i couldn’t stop laughing when i read your article because i am 20 weeks right now and boy oh boy have some of my gas emissions been absolutely horrible! my husband told me that he nearly passed out when he got upstairs to go to sleep one night. i was nice and did warn him earlier that i was gassy and to be careful. i could easily clear out a room fast when the SBD’s (silent but deadly) attack!

2 Annie

Smelly farts during pregnancy is bad. My cousin Missy was at Babies R Us and let a silent but deadly one out. She not only sent her husband running but everyone else in the isle too. I introduced her to Subtle Butt, a gas neutralizing carbon fabric. You place the Subtle Butt in your underwear and let it do the work of absorbing and neutralizing the smelly gas. Some people buy it as gag gifts but it really works for smelly people.

3 Tarzan

@Kelly – HA HA HA! Good idea.

We’ve had a few people pee their pants reading some posts here! LOLOL!

4 Kelly

Ha ha, this is not good for near term pregnant women who can’t hold their bladders. I almost peed my pants. Thank goodness for kegals. You need to put a disclaimer May not be suitable for pregnant women due to extreme laughter.

5 InfertileNaomi

That post was so funny (and a little too descriptive). I’m still waiting for my husbands boy to swim!

6 A

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH oh my god i couldn’t stop laughing. This post was REALLYYYYYY FUNNYYYYYYYY =). i even told my friends and boyfriend to read it, if it made me crack up so will they.
You are really good at describing the sounds and smells so well i can just see the picture in my mind hahahah ;) .
Thanks for cracking me up

7 E to the J

Preggo gas in bed is the WORST! You can’t even hug the covers up under your chin! It sneaks up anyway!

Little Story:
My wife filled our bed with the silent deadly one night but I hadn’t come to bed yet – I was going to stay up on my computer for a while. I came in to tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. I leapt right on top of her and the big down comforter and we met eye to eye. Of course, the covers had been flattened by yours truly and sent the mother of all stinks straight up our noses! I was off that bed like a frog from a dynamite pond and shut her in there with it and I stomped off without a goodnight kiss.

8 Stephanie

OMG…I literally was in tears laughing!!!! You are hilarious!!! You have hit it right on! As I was reading your post, I was picturing my husband in the same situations!! Too funny. My husband had to come into the bedroom to see what I was laughing about! Thanks for the good laugh!

9 Tarzan

Whaaaa Haaaaa! There’s nothing funnier than a bunch of woman talking about their farts. Thanks for your comments and for cracking me up as well!

10 Angela

OMG I am 11 weeks pregnant and i just died laughing reading these because they are so true im at work and people are walking past me trying to figure out what is so funny.But i do believe i have had every last one of these sounds and smells come out of me especially this week i have been taking cover my self from some of the smells that i have been smelling. But it was really funny reading this now, knowing im not alone. Thank you for posting

11 The Bubbling Wet Spooter

I swear this post was soo funny, I can’t wait to show this to my fiance! LOL I couldn’t stop laughing. Im only 6 weeks pregnant and I am the Queen of Bubbling Wet Spotter! I swear the moment i found out i was pregnant this just started happening! My poor poor fiance has asked me those same questions, ” You might want to check yourself” LOL and not all pregnant woman can stand the smell, because sometimes I let some loose and I just want to run, but I can’t because it will just follow me! LOL But thanks for posting this, it helps me understand or atleast know that what is happening to me is normal. I just thank god that I work in a cubicle all by my lonesome! Its bad enough that im gassy without being pregnant, but thanks for sharing its a great post!

12 Emily

OH MY GOD! That is hilarious! Seriously you made me pee in my pants while reading your post. . .your wife is very lucky to have such a understanding and humorious husband. I am 5 weeks prego and have the bubbly gut, but would never pass gas infront of my not-so-funny husband! many kudos to you!

13 Ally/Miss-Mae

I have to admit, I’ve never heard that before. Must be one of those things parents omit when telling their kids about what being pregnant with them was like. ;P Thanks for sharing, though, this totally cracked me up. I’ll have to make sure I don’t make any of my pregnant friends mad, though. Sounds like that would be a very unwise idea, lol.

14 bratpack

Lmao! My hubby can clear the house out with one lil wiffer. He’s pretty proud of his stink bombs. Well, when I was prego with baby 4, I had the gasses REALLY BAD. Time for some revenge. I waited till he was full asleep, and let one rip, threw the covers up over his head, and waited. Wasn’t to long before he came up for air, coughing and gasping for air. I laughed quite awhile. Then, he thought he’d get me back by cuttin one in a store and blaming me, yah, the war was on. Well, I have a car with window locks, h he, I let a silent one go, and locked the windows, he was all but crying all the way home, trying to get away from the pregnant farts. War over, I WON!

15 Tarzan

That’ll take # 4 to a whole new level with soldiers reading this post in Iraq! Congrats to you guys – and we appreciate your husband and everyone over there serving our country.

16 Laurie

This was so funny, I had to send it to my husband. He’s in Iraq AGAIN. Things he’ll do just to get out of a little gas. (I’m pregnant again – he was home for a 2 week mid deployment leave and BAM!)

17 Tarzan


You’re lucky you have tears in your eyes from laughing. I had tears in my eyes a few minutes ago from a “Common Fartogram” Jane delivered to me first-class air mail!

18 Laurie

I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard at this. Let me tell you, I rarely am able to laugh out loud, no matter how funny I find things, so you can tell this was 100 on a scale of 1 to 10 funny. THANKS SO MUCH!

19 Tarzan


Yes, that is true. You do not want to mess with a pregnant woman because they have weapons of nostril destruction… the ultimate killer gas bombs! Your poor husband. His sense of smell will be gone for at least a week.

20 10wks prego

ok well this is so true for me and my husband right now.Just the other night he woke me up and asked if he could put a tree air freshner on my but while i sleep. I was so mad at him and i almost cried, but then i just let one and held it inder the covers until he got back in bed. He lifted the covers and whaaaammm!!! He started gaging. Dont make the hormonal pregnant girl mad!! lol

21 Jane

Even though it’s mean, I think doing it in the car or bed would be so funny. That’s like the ultimate torture and a fast way to turn off your husband.

22 Tarzan

Satin Panties – agreed!

I think the woman in the video had borderline “The Bubbling Wet Spooters”.

23 Satin Panties

Talk about being blunt. Oh well, it could have been worse. If you all noticed, at least she took the time to go to the open window and let it out there. It could have been in a car or in bed.

Satin Panties’s last blog post..Panties that Can Make You Look 10 Pounds Thinner Quick

24 Jane

All I have to say is that I’m so glad that we are anonymous. Spilling comments like that is so embarrassing!

25 Tarzan

Playing Daddy – I second that!

Man, I should have recorded a video of Jane reading this post. She was cracking up like crazy. She also admitted that while driving today she had a bubbling wet spooter and was very concerned that something may have happened.

Luckily, the coast was clear.

26 Tarzan

Jennessa – Your husband is one lucky guy never having to deal with the smell of pregnancy gas – I can tell you that! But I do feel sorry for him having to deal with all of the machine gun attacks… those can be brutal.

27 Playing Daddy

I’ll take a dog fart to the face over pregnancy farts any day of the week! LMAO great video.

Playing Daddy’s last blog post..Baby Extraction if He Likes it or Not

28 Jennessa

*Hold on let me stop laughing!*….. Ok now that is out of my system let me tell you my experience. I was VERY gassy during both my pregnancies but very rarely was I ever smelly wich throughly confused my husband BUT what I lacked for smell I made up in noise. I guess you can say my poor husband was under attack constanly because I was on “Machine Gun Attack” . My husband was jealous of the noise came out of me but he still had me beat in smell. There were the few instances that I even made my eyes water and run for cover. Thought for down the road just wait till Jane gets constipated!

29 Tarzan

Ha ha… very good point. The soon-to-be fathers and the dogs of the world get back what they’ve been dishing out.

It all comes back to you in the end… rear end that is ;)

30 antje wilsch

oh my lord… this is so evil, but true. I guess it’s nature’s way of paying all men and dogs back for their years of farts & giggles :)

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