Pregnancy gas is one of those inevitable things a couple has to deal with during pregnancy. I guess you can say that it’s one of the few things that a expecting parents go through that really stinks! Now I hope that Jane doesn’t mind me sharing some of our pregnancy gas stories with the world today.
After all, pregnancy gas is natural, it happens to most pregnant women, and fellow soon-to-be fathers will be able to relate to me here. So here’s the deal…
Almost immediately after Jane became pregnant, her pregnancy gas has been… how do I say this politely… bad enough to be used as a weapon to quickly clear out an entire room.
I’ve heard that gas and pregnancy seem to go hand-in-hand. When you’re pregnant, you’ll have gas trouble. And sometimes, a lot of it! Below are a few stories about how pregnancy gas has effected our lives and what I’ve done in an attempt to stay in the ‘safe breathing zone‘.
Pregnancy And Gas: While Driving In A Car
Jane and I were on her way back from from her parents house one evening. It was chilly outside, so we of course had our windows up and the heat on. It was a nice and relaxing drive. The radio was playing some soft music and Jane was rubbing my arm gently. I was in heaven.
Suddenly, Jane had a pregnancy gas attack and she released a killer silent but deadly pregnancy gas attack on me.
Within seconds I snapped out of my relaxed state and began to cough and gag. Jane started to laugh and I quickly rolled down the windows. We were driving on the highway and a freezing wind rushed throughout the car. ”Ahhh I’m cold!” Jane said quickly before all of the windows were completely down.
I stuck my head out the window, took a deep breath of fresh air, and then rolled the windows back up. Jane said, “It’s not that bad, you’re overreacting.” Like heck I was. The moment the smell of the pregnancy gas bomb hit my nose my gag reflexes kicked in and I began coughing like I just inhaled a gallon of gas straight from a gas pump.
I held my breath for as long as I could. Once I reached the point of dizziness, I couldn’t take it any longer. I quickly released the air I was holding in and took several deep breaths to get some oxygen flowing back to my brain.
The pregnancy gas lurked in the car like fumes of a think 100 gallon beef stew boiling in a kitchen with no ventilation.
Jane laughed and laughed as I continued to cough and gag until I put my shirt over my mouth and nose. And it stayed that way for the next 10-15 minutes.
It was at that very moment I knew that I was in deep trouble for the next 8 months. Pregnant woman must have some built-in immunity to their own pregnancy gas and can somehow withstand the gut-wrenching smell.
The above scenario has repeated itself more times than I can count… and Jane is only 12 weeks pregnant! We still have a ong way to go!
Pregnancy And Gas: While In Bed
Imagine being sound asleep and you ever so slightly wake up to move onto your side or back. You are relaxed, comfortable, and gently lift the covers to put your arm under them. As you life up the covers, the KING of horrible smells unleashes its power into your nose. You are suddenly jolted away as you gasp for air.
There have been several nights over the last few weeks where Jane has gas while sleeping. They just slip out while she’s asleep and is never made aware of the danger she just released upon her sleeping husband.
I have had to cover my head with my pillow several times over the past few weeks in an attempt to escape a pregnancy gas attack. And what makes matters worse, the longer the smell lingers under the covers, the more potent they can get by adding a whole new dimension to the smell which I call.. ‘the stale factor’.
An important update…
Now because you’re supposed to document everything during pregnancy using a pregnancy journal, or even a pregnancy blog like what we have going here…
For the first time ever, I’m going to finally document and name these pregnancy gas sounds so that any mother to be or father to be will be able to quickly identify the types of pregnancy gas. So today… I bring to you…
The Sounds Of Pregnancy Gas
Not all pregnancy gas attacks are silent but deadly. Jane has released sounds I’ve never ever heard before in my life. I’ve documented the sounds of pregnancy gas below and for your convenience… I named them.
Pregnancy Gas Sound 1: “The Barking Rooters”
There have been times where I have been upstairs and I hear what I thought was our dog bark. One time I was working in my office and I heard this “rooooot!” sound.
I walk out of my office, go to the top of the stairs and ask Jane why our dog barked. She started cracking up for a good 10 seconds and finally admitted that the sound came from her. Pregnancy gas had stuck again.
The barking rooter sounds just like a dog trying to bark and growl at the same time. It’s horrifying.
Pregnancy Gas Sound 2: “The Straight Loud Squeakers”
Just two day ago I was in the kitchen working from my laptop at the kitchen table, and Jane was on her computer sitting on a barstool at our island not too far from me. She was on the phone with her mom having a fairly serious conversation.
Suddenly a sound roars from Jane that made both me and our dog nearly jump 3 feet into the air. Our dog suddenly sat up, I was startled and looked up from my computer and the sound continued to come from Jane for another 3-4 seconds.
This time, Jane’s pregnancy gas was making a squealing sound. Imagine a very young kid screaming, “weeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr weeeeeeeeeerrrrr” with the highest pitch you can imagine.
I looked at Jane for a couple of seconds and started to completely crack up. She bursted into laughter and had to put the phone down so her mom wouldn’t hear us laughing. I’m telling you, I’ve never heard a sound like that in my life. I just wonder if this will be common or if it’s just early pregnancy gas?
Pregnancy Gas Sound 3: “The Popping Thudders”
The popping thudders are one of the strangest pregnancy gas sounds.
The best way to imagine the way this one sounds is dropping a medium-sized cardboard box 1/2 fill of books onto a tile floor from three feet up.
It’s a combination of a ‘pop’ sound and deep ‘thud’ that only lasts about one second.
These are also known to scare the heck out of people around a pregnant woman because the just seem to come from nowhere.
Pregnancy Gas Sound 4: “The Machine Gun Attack”
At times when Jane releases this pregnancy gas I feel like I should run and take cover because we’re under attack. The Machine Gun sounds like well, a machine gun. It’s usually long-winded and can last anywhere from a few seconds, even as long as four or five seconds.
When Jane releases these bad boys I swear I can actually see her belly getting smaller as the gas is released.
These are also very dangerous because they often release a very large toxic cloud of gas that can linger for a very, very long time.
Pregnancy Gas Sound 5: “The Bubbling Wet Spooters”
The first emotion I feel when Jane released this pregnancy gas sound is concern. By the sound of things, a little more than has had just been released.
The Bubbling Wet Spooter is compared to the sound you’d hear if you took a kazoo and hummed as low as you could into it while the other end where the sound is coming out is stuck into a bowl of cooking oil.
Believe me, it’s a very scary sound. Thankfully, these are a lot more rare than most of the other pregnancy gas sounds. And of course, thankfully Jane has not had any accidents with this one.
Pregnancy Gas Sound 6: “The Common Fartograms”
All of us can relate to this one. Nearly every day we experience the Common Fartograms ourselves first-hand.
This pregnancy gas by far is the most common and makes the sound we’ve all heard a thousand times before.
However, never underestimate the sheer power that these monsters have when a woman is pregnant both in sound and smell. Many have been known to damage a husband’s sense of smell for weeks.
Pregnancy Gas Sound 7: “The Dying Trumpets”
If a trumpet was dying, I swear this is the sound it would make.
These start off with a higher pitch and slowly move down into a lower muffled sound. What’s unique about these pregnancy gas sounds is that they more often than not make people laugh after hearing them.
It’s just a sound that you don’t hear everyday. Combine that with the realization that a sound like that is coming from someone’s (or your own) body and you can’t help but laugh!
Pregnancy Sound 8: “The Trailblazing Bubble Popping Squeakers”
This is the rarest amongst all pregnancy gas sounds. Since Jane has been pregnant, I’ve only heard her do it once. What also makes this one so special is that this one is only released while you are walking.
The sound starts with a slight deep ongoing bubble popping sound that repeats itself several times for three or four seconds. Then something amazing happens. With every step Jane takes, her bottom releases a squeaking sound. These rarely talked about, seldom heard beasts have been known to last for as long as ten seconds!
As gas is released with each step, you hear this “Wheeep! Wheep! Wheep! Wheep!” sound. It lasts so long that you actually start to wonder if she needs to pour some oil down there to lube up whatever is rubbing together and causing the squeaking.
Thankfully, because this pregnancy gas is only released when one is walking, I have not experienced the displeasure of smelling them.
More being added soon as Jane has more pregnancy gas trouble!
As Jane’s pregnancy continues and because pregnancy and gas go hand-in-hand, I will be coming back to this blog post to keep this list up-to-date as new sounds are heard.
Also, if you have experienced any pregnancy gas sounds that I have yet to experience, you are more than welcome to post a comment below and share the sound with us. Also, if you found this post helpful and you know anyone who is pregnant, already has children, or could relate to any of the above, feel free to share this page with them.
Many will find comfort in finally knowing the names of the sounds that come from… the dark side.
Thank you,
Tarzan
You might also want to read:
- For an instant hormone flare-up, just add a pinch of pregnancy and a dash of husband.
- Pregnancy week 19 brings many happenings from listing our house due to no maternity insurance to the mysterious gallbladder.
- Unbelievable! We did it! We’re able to pay all pregnancy and baby doctor bills… and we saved our house!
- Pregnancy Week Sweet 16? Jane celebrates by throwing up several times. I celebrate by cleaning up.
- 16 weeks pregnant belly: The trash, the dragon, and the lack of steamy I Want To Attack You juices.
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