Thursday, October 23, 2014

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Pregnancy Gas: Wife’s Early Pregnancy Gas Drives Husband Out Of House

by Tarzan · 72 comments

Pregnancy gas is one of those inevitable things a couple has to deal with during pregnancy.  I guess you can say that it’s one of the few things that a expecting parents go through that really stinks! Now I hope that Jane doesn’t mind me sharing some of our pregnancy gas stories with the world today.  

After all, pregnancy gas is natural, it happens to most pregnant women, and fellow soon-to-be fathers will be able to relate to me here.  So here’s the deal…

Almost immediately after Jane became pregnant, her pregnancy gas has been… how do I say this politely… bad enough to be used as a weapon to quickly clear out an entire room.

I’ve heard that gas and pregnancy seem to go hand-in-hand.  When you’re pregnant, you’ll have gas trouble.  And sometimes, a lot of it!  Below are a few stories about how pregnancy gas has effected our lives and what I’ve done in an attempt to stay in the ‘safe breathing zone‘.

Pregnancy And Gas: While Driving In A Car

pregnancy-and-gas-while-drivingJane and I were on her way back from from her parents house one evening.  It was chilly outside, so we of course had our windows up and the heat on.  It was a nice and relaxing drive.  The radio was playing some soft music and Jane was rubbing my arm gently.  I was in heaven.

Suddenly, Jane had a pregnancy gas attack and she released a killer silent but deadly pregnancy gas attack on me.

Within seconds I snapped out of my relaxed state and began to cough and gag.  Jane started to laugh and I quickly rolled down the windows.  We were driving on the highway and a freezing wind rushed throughout the car.  ”Ahhh I’m cold!” Jane said quickly before all of the windows were completely down.

I stuck my head out the window, took a deep breath of fresh air, and then rolled the windows back up.  Jane said, “It’s not that bad, you’re overreacting.”  Like heck I was.  The moment the smell of the pregnancy gas bomb hit my nose my gag reflexes kicked in and I began coughing like I just inhaled  a gallon of gas straight from a gas pump.

I held my breath for as long as I could.  Once I reached the point of dizziness, I couldn’t take it any longer.  I quickly released the air I was holding in and took several deep breaths to get some oxygen flowing back to my brain.

The pregnancy gas lurked in the car like fumes of a think 100 gallon beef stew boiling in a kitchen with no ventilation.

Jane laughed and laughed as I continued to cough and gag until I put my shirt over my mouth and nose.  And it stayed that way for the next 10-15 minutes.

It was at that very moment I knew that I was in deep trouble for the next 8 months.  Pregnant woman must have some built-in immunity to their own pregnancy gas and can somehow withstand the gut-wrenching smell.

The above scenario has repeated itself more times than I can count… and Jane is only 12 weeks pregnant!  We still have a ong way to go!

Pregnancy And Gas: While In Bed

gas-and-pregnancyImagine being sound asleep and you ever so slightly wake up to move onto your side or back.  You are relaxed, comfortable, and gently lift the covers to put your arm under them.  As you life up the covers, the KING of horrible smells unleashes its power into your nose.  You are suddenly jolted away as you gasp for air.

There have been several nights over the last few weeks where Jane has gas while sleeping.  They just slip out while she’s asleep and is never made aware of the danger she just released upon her sleeping husband.

I have had to cover my head with my pillow several times over the past few weeks in an attempt to escape a pregnancy gas attack.  And what makes matters worse, the longer the smell lingers under the covers, the more potent they can get by adding a whole new dimension to the smell which I call.. ‘the stale factor’.

An important update…

Now because you’re supposed to document everything during pregnancy using a pregnancy journal, or even a pregnancy blog like what we have going here…

For the first time ever, I’m going to finally document and name these pregnancy gas sounds so that any mother to be or father to be will be able to quickly identify the types of pregnancy gas.  So today… I bring to you…

The Sounds Of Pregnancy Gas

Not all pregnancy gas attacks are silent but deadly.  Jane has released sounds I’ve never ever heard before in my life.  I’ve documented the sounds of pregnancy gas below and for your convenience… I named them.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 1: “The Barking Rooters”

pregnant-woman-gas-barkThere have been times where I have been upstairs and I hear what I thought was our dog bark.  One time I was working in my office and I heard this “rooooot!” sound.  

I walk out of my office, go to the top of the stairs and ask Jane why our dog barked.  She started cracking up for a good 10 seconds and finally admitted that the sound came from her.  Pregnancy gas had stuck again.

The barking rooter sounds just like a dog trying to bark and growl at the same time.  It’s horrifying.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 2: “The Straight Loud Squeakers” 

early-pregnancy-gasJust two day ago I was in the kitchen working from my laptop at the kitchen table, and Jane was on her computer sitting on a barstool at our island not too far from me.  She was on the phone with her mom having a fairly serious conversation.

Suddenly a sound roars from Jane that made both me and our dog nearly jump 3 feet into the air.  Our dog suddenly sat up, I was startled and looked up from my computer and the sound continued to come from Jane for another 3-4 seconds.

This time, Jane’s pregnancy gas was making a squealing sound.  Imagine a very young kid screaming, “weeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrr weeeeeeeeeerrrrr” with the highest pitch you can imagine.

I looked at Jane for a couple of seconds and started to completely crack up.  She bursted into laughter and had to put the phone down so her mom wouldn’t hear us laughing.  I’m telling you, I’ve never heard a sound like that in my life.  I just wonder if this will be common or if it’s just early pregnancy gas?

Pregnancy Gas Sound 3: “The Popping Thudders”

gas-during-pregnancyThe popping thudders are one of the strangest pregnancy gas sounds.  

The best way to imagine the way this one sounds is dropping a medium-sized cardboard box 1/2 fill of books onto a tile floor from three feet up.  

It’s a combination of a ‘pop’ sound and deep ‘thud’ that only lasts about one second.

These are also known to scare the heck out of people around a pregnant woman because the just seem to come from nowhere.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 4: “The Machine Gun Attack”

pregnancy-gas-painsAt times when Jane releases this pregnancy gas I feel like I should run and take cover because we’re under attack.  The Machine Gun sounds like well, a machine gun.  It’s usually long-winded and can last anywhere from a few seconds, even as long as four or five seconds.

When Jane releases these bad boys I swear I can actually see her belly getting smaller as the gas is released.  

These are also very dangerous because they often release a very large toxic cloud of gas that can linger for a very, very long time.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 5: “The Bubbling Wet Spooters”

pregnancy-symptoms-gas1The first emotion I feel when Jane released this pregnancy gas sound is concern.  By the sound of things, a little more than has had just been released.  

The Bubbling Wet Spooter is compared to the sound you’d hear if you took a kazoo and hummed as low as you could into it while the other end where the sound is coming out is stuck into a bowl of cooking oil.

Believe me, it’s a very scary sound.  Thankfully, these are a lot more rare than most of the other pregnancy gas sounds.  And of course, thankfully Jane has not had any accidents with this one.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 6: “The Common Fartograms”

pregnancy-gasAll of us can relate to this one.  Nearly every day we experience the Common Fartograms ourselves first-hand.  

This pregnancy gas by far is the most common and makes the sound we’ve all heard a thousand times before.  

However, never underestimate the sheer power that these monsters have when a woman is pregnant both in sound and smell.  Many have been known to damage a husband’s sense of smell for weeks.

Pregnancy Gas Sound 7: “The Dying Trumpets”

pregnancy-fartingIf a trumpet was dying, I swear this is the sound it would make.  

These start off with a higher pitch and slowly move down into a lower muffled sound.  What’s unique about these pregnancy gas sounds is that they more often than not make people laugh after hearing them.  

It’s just a sound that you don’t hear everyday.  Combine that with the realization that a sound like that is coming from someone’s (or your own) body and you can’t help but laugh!

Pregnancy Sound 8: “The Trailblazing Bubble Popping Squeakers”

gas-pains-during-pregnancyThis is the rarest amongst all pregnancy gas sounds.  Since Jane has been pregnant, I’ve only heard her do it once.  What also makes this one so special is that this one is only released while you are walking.

The sound starts with a slight deep ongoing bubble popping sound that repeats itself several times for three or four seconds.  Then something amazing happens.  With every step Jane takes, her bottom releases a squeaking sound.  These rarely talked about, seldom heard beasts have been known to last for as long as ten seconds!

As gas is released with each step, you hear this “Wheeep!  Wheep!  Wheep!  Wheep!” sound.  It lasts so long that you actually start to wonder if she needs to pour some oil down there to lube up whatever is rubbing together and causing the squeaking.

Thankfully, because this pregnancy gas is only released when one is walking, I have not experienced the displeasure of smelling them.

More being added soon as Jane has more pregnancy gas trouble!

As Jane’s pregnancy continues and because pregnancy and gas go hand-in-hand, I will be coming back to this blog post to keep this list up-to-date as new sounds are heard.

Also, if you have experienced any pregnancy gas sounds that I have yet to experience, you are more than welcome to post a comment below and share the sound with us.  Also, if you found this post helpful and you know anyone who is pregnant, already has children, or could relate to any of the above, feel free to share this page with them.

 Many will find comfort in finally knowing the names of the sounds that come from… the dark side.

Thank you,
Tarzan

You might also want to read:

  1. For an instant hormone flare-up, just add a pinch of pregnancy and a dash of husband.
  2. Pregnancy week 19 brings many happenings from listing our house due to no maternity insurance to the mysterious gallbladder.
  3. Unbelievable! We did it! We’re able to pay all pregnancy and baby doctor bills… and we saved our house!
  4. Pregnancy Week Sweet 16? Jane celebrates by throwing up several times. I celebrate by cleaning up.
  5. 16 weeks pregnant belly: The trash, the dragon, and the lack of steamy I Want To Attack You juices.

Facebook comments:

{ 68 comments… read them below or add one }

31 ruby

Hi,
I am 4 weeks pregnant and i hv never had gas problem all my life, untill I couple of weeks ago. Yes! When I didnt even knw that i was pregnant. As soon as the problen started I started wondering if I had made any changes in my diet or was I having something that could give me such horrible gas.
Last week I found out that I m pregnant so I started reading about pregnancy and the changes a woman goes through. It was then when I found out that I have to live with this smell for next nine months because its nothing to do with the kinda food I take in!!!!!! Amazing
So let me tell u a little secret of my life after marriage! My husband releases a gas thats worst than the smell of a rotten fish or egg! This use to always irritate me. Eventually we came up with the idea of keeping air freshner on our dinning table, bedside table, kithchen and almost everywhere, where my husband could go. I always asked him to atleast go away and release the bomb as far as he can from me so that, I atleast know that the attack is comming. But there was little improvement as he said that he cannot control it.
Ha Ha Ha today my baby took my revenge (I am saying this because i didnt do this on purpose). In the morning my husband was having his breakfast n I was sittin right next to him on the sofa and…… there came a big noise and the bomb blasted! I really made him run atleast ten steps away in seconds.
All I could say was sorry, because I could realise how he felt! I hope today he realised how I felt all this time!
Ruby

32 smellybutt

My partner is asleep in another room… poor boy!! Must be something I ate. I seriously don’t think its as bad as everyone is saying and why he chooses to leave the room is beyond me, but I had to laugh as quietly as possible so as not to wake him, although I am tempted to go in there and release a ‘Machine gun attack’ pmsl

33 chris

omg how halariouse, i feel better now that i know is normal to b gassy. ths is my 4 th pregnancy and 1rst being gassy

34 jordan

my gas is so annoying, i’m researching it at 3am… i was trying so hard not to laugh [def shaking the whole bed though] and wake my bf
-ive been up trying to manoeuvre wind releasing positions all night until, while stretching on the bathroom floor, my cat fell in the toilet and splashed gross water all over me-maybe a wake up call to go the f to bed-pregnancy gas is awful!! thank you for blogging and for the smiles!

35 luta

OMG am fine, whaaaaaaaaaahahaah its my prego, sometimes wen am at work in our open air office i jst cant take it out and runs back in my stomach and i feel so uncomfortable. Hey trust me, its better let out whenever it come.

36 john

very disgusting

37 Shay

That is too funny! I get extremely gassy even when I’m not pregnant and my husband gags when I fart. I always tell him that its not that bad and he’s exaggerating but he insists they make him gag everytime.lol

38 blessedmommytobe

I was doing a search to get tips on how to deal with the pregnancy gas when I came across this. I never post comments to these things but this was so hilarious. I am so early in my pregnancy that it has not even been deemed viable yet. We are still doing blood levels but my gas is sooooo horrible. I cant even stand the smell of it. I do not like to pass gas in front of my hubby( of 3 months) but I cant help it, it is coming out of both ends and I have no control. In my sleep, when I stand up, bend over, roll over.. I am a farting, belching, vomiting mess right now and my and my husband are the happiest people in the world. Thanks for the laughs : )

39 Maria

I’m 6 weeks pregnant right now and the gas has just begun!
I’m not one to pass gas in front of my husband, but it looks like that’s gonna change! :)
I hope he can forget all about this so he isn’t disgusted by me, lol!

40 Manos

hahahahahahahha!!!!!!! I was in bed suffering a gas attack from my wife who is pregn. on our second baby now. Once i started reading the first paragraph, i starting cracking down with hilarious loughing…so, my wife who lies next to me started reading loud the text…i hope it is unnecessary to tell you that we are still peeing our pants from the hilarious and so colourfull description of Tarzan! Absolutely amazing. As my wife was reading the text, i was saying…”Yes, exactly like me….yes, like me….yes, i had the same thing” hahahahahha. fantastic, by far the most funny description i have come across for years!!!!!!!!!

41 Ashley

I really must say I have never laughed so hard!! I feel relieved for both me and my husband that I am not the only pregnant women in the world to not only have more gas then a frat boy but to also have it come out smelling worse then anything imaginable. Thanks to some of the ones I let lose, my husband is now on full alert at all times to duck and cover. I really enjoyed reading your blog Tarzan and I thank you for putting a smile on my face.

42 HopefullyPreggers

oh my gosh this was the funniest thing I have ever read. I was looking up early signs of pregnancy and gas. This is what I found. My husband and I have been trying to concieve for a little over a month. I am having horrible gas, more then normal, no change in diet…so hopefully that is my gas problem explained. Thanks for the belly ache from this good laugh!

43 leanne

I have never laughed so hard in a long time as i did reading this.
I am 6 weeks pregnant and i have to say everything you have said is soooo true.
I passed wind the other day when relaxing with my 6 year old son, he looked at me horrified (wide eyed and almost shocked lol ) … he ran from the room (also gagging) as i couldn’t help crying and laughing all at the same time (must say not very lady like).
We are given all the pregnancy warning but this is one they don’t list in any book…good luck dads (and other family members)
xxxx

44 Nicole

OMG! My stomach hurts from cracking up! My husband and I are going through this right now. He jokes about it all the time. This is hilarious. Great blog!!

45 Mommi2B

ROTFL =)…omg I woke up this morning and instantly went to google and typed in “12 weeks pregnant and farting every 2 minutes” and what’s FUNNY I run by this blog LOL…the story was great Tarzan, Jane is my hero hahahaha…I too have a problem with the silent deadly ones. When I let them out my fiance’ lOoks at me as if he wants to just kill me LOL…I am so relieved you guys blogged this topic now I don’t feel so much like a gassy weirdo anymore.

PS you should write a book about you guys experience… I forwarded this to my pregnant friends and you guys are famous LOL

46 8weeksalong

OMG, I really needed that laugh and oh so unfortunately this is sooo true. So far it isn’t my hubby who is paying the price on this, but my poor doggies. The other night I was in bed and one of my dogs was sleeping under the covers when a silent one hit….I have never seen my dog move so fast!!! The poor thing came twisting and turning up out of the covers like she was on fire, all the way snorting and hyperventilating, by the time she was out from under the covers she looked over at me shook her hear with this look of disgust, snorted one more good time and went in the other room*which she never does*. I laughed so hard, the poor thing.

47 Lyndall18

I am still wiping my eyes from laughing so hard. I’m 22 weeks pregnant and I can’t help but think that this could have been written by my husband. Thank you for sharing and for letting us know that we’re not the only ones experiencing this, and that it’s okay if my pregnancy gas leaves me feeling both tickled and ashamed. Thanks!

48 Karin

Finally the horror of pregnancy gas gets some relief from your awesome story! Lately my husband received one message from a friend, who wrote: You can judge when men are truly blinded with love for their wives as they think of the farts of them as the smell of roses… Well..In my case, luckily only since 20 weeks pregnancy, I feel I am even putting myself in a coma..

49 Eliza

I am 6 weeks pregnant and releasing the most god awful gassy, smelly farts you could possibly imagine. It is horrible! It doesn’t matter what I eat. My husband either runs for cover or hides his face under his shirt. Your post gave me quite a giggle about something that in reality really stinks!! My husband enjoyed it too.
Thanks!

50 Tracy

Oh my goodness…I just read this article and the one on baby poop. Hilarious!!! your stuff is so funny!! Thanks for the laugh

51 Gina

This is so Hilarious (and disgusting), but so true! My problem has not been so much the flatulence you describe, but rather some pretty consistent belching. For the first time in my life I actually burped out loud in public and barely realized it! That’s how often I burp up gas! I didn’t realize that I was making a noise. I guess the plus side is that although I feel terrible about having gas, no one else has to “enjoy” the essence 8-). This is my fourth pregnancy and has been the worst in this respect, so I’m hoping this will go away!

52 AussieKyls

Oh my god!!!! I have not stopped laughing, and have sent this to many people including my mum, and my best friend who is 7 weeks pregnant with her first. I myself am just on 5 weeks pregnant, and oh my god!!!!! The smells coming from my rear end make me want to gag! Daddy-2-be doesn’t know yet, but once he does, I’m going to show him this post, and I’m sure he’ll get just as big of a chuckle as I did!!!!!!!

53 Julie

I am reading this and unleashing the deadliest smells ever!! Im 19 weeks pregnant today! Who would have thought something so small inside you could cause this awful smell, its RANK! I cant stop laffing i think its soooo funny, the noises are random and my house stinks HAHAHAHAHAHA soooo glad my husband is super understanding (he seems to prefer standing near the back door lately) :@) :@) think i better get more neutrodol in!!

54 Annie

Try Subtle Butt ladies! It is funny but it works!!! Avoid smelly pregnancy gas by putting the carbon fabric in your pants and it will absorb and neutralize the smelly gas.

55 Lori

OMG!!! I was laughing so hard I was crying! I have loud, smelly gas as we speak! I am currently 7 weeks pregnant with my 4th child. There are things that I can count on during pregnancy and the rancid gas is one of them. I can only describe the smell as “sewer @ss”! My husband was cutting down the Christmas tree and he said that my gas was overpowering the pine smell. I am so glad to hear that I’m not the only one!! I have asked other people about this and they think I’m sick! Thanks for this amazingly funny blog! Good luck to you and your wife!

56 Aussie Mum To Be

I have tears running down my face!!! That is the funniest blog ever and so true. Im 13 weeks pregnant and can completely relate. Your blog has been keeping me very entertained!

57 6 week pregnant constant farter

I want to say i do feel sorry for all the husbands of pregnant farting wives, however it is not nice for us either. Husbands only have to put up with the noise and the smell we pregnant women have to put up with the embarressment,,,, I am a teacher and i am in my 6th almost 7th week… have you thought what it is like to be standing in a class of 15 year olds and it happens, the fart escapes and you see the kids look at one another to see who dealt it(silent but violent) and suddenly they look your way.. I have had to leave my class room on many occasions just to release the deadly explosion and its not nice…. So husbands its not so bad… take it like a man… after all ou are 50% responsible…. hehehehe

58 Tarzan

LOL – Glad this post still gets some ‘thunder’. he he he

59 Spirit-flirt

oh my god i havent laughed this hard in so long and boy am i glad to find out im not the only one. even though i have 4 kids already ive never had this gas issue well not the smelly kind anyway. let me tell you as a pregnant women with smelly gas it lingering in your body doesnt feel to good either. So whatever you do dont ask wife to hold it and like the other woman said dont make her feel bad or mad with comments like “can i go sleep in the other room?” because thats just mean!!

60 Fugitive

I know that this is an old post but I couldn’t resist leaving a comment.

As our parents revel in our having children of our own so they can witness the payback for all the torment we caused;
We, the pregnant wives & S.O.s, have been blessed with pregnancy gas in order for you Dads-to-be to bask in those lovely odors that we must endure all the time coming from YOU!

And you have no excuses you’re just feculent!

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