Baby registries and other ramblings from a mom-to-be

I once read a joke that a couple spends $300.020 in their 3rd month of pregnancy: 20 dollar for a nice toy for the baby and 300.000 to buy a new house because the mother finds that the one they have is too small.
Sooo true :-)

Hey Jane,

This is from a dad's perspective so take it for what it's worth...

People will buy you so much stuff it's not even funny. You won't have room for it all. You'll end up donating baby clothes that your baby NEVER WORE because he/she will have grown out of them and you had so many. So don't focus on outfits or toys or anything like that. Just get the basics: a crib, bassinet, breast pump, changing table, etc. And people have a tendency to buy outfits, but you'll want TONS of onsies and socks. You can never have too many of those. And if you have really great family and friends, they'll stock up on diapers for you. So many diapers.

When you go to Babies 'R Us to register, do it with a friend who's recently had a kid. That cuts down on all the superfluous stuff you really don't need. And for the record, I've never washed my kid's toys before. With two dogs and two cats that kid's ingested more fur in his short 10 months than I care to admit. But it's all good and part of the process.

Just enjoy it.

Daddy Files’s last blog post..Pass the Geritol Please

@Jennessa - Thanks for the info on Freecycling and the soothie. I'll definitely look into them. Sounds like a great thing to do and a great way for people to help others out.

@E - Wow, such great advice, thanks! Yes, I will have a shower and I imagine I'll get tons of stuff through that. Funny about the practical gifts you give - I would have never thought about that, but I'm sure that those moms do appreciate how much they need those items. What a good idea!

@Mrs Kitty - Count me in for the cleaning lady! I'm so glad to hear that you find it all overwhelming too! I feel like I'll start to think about that stuff after week 25 (of course, I just picked a random week). Hope you are doing good in your pregnancy!

@Katie - Thanks for all the websites and great information! I'll definitely look and see if I can find similar things for the Houston area. I like the lurking/posting idea on the other sites too! It always helps me to know that the things I'm going through or worried about are similar to what other people are going through too. It's reassuring!

@Jackie - So glad that you are loving our blog! As for the tv thing, how cool would that be?! Wow, 4 kids under 5 years old. You must be crazy! Only kidding. :) I bet you have tons of fun with all of them. It certainly would keep your life interesting and and probably a bit spontaneous! Thanks for posting your comment and I'm glad to "meet" you!

Hi Jane,

I follow you on twitter & got to your blog. I LOVE IT!!! The best part I love is your husband replying to your blog post w/ the dishes & you replying back to him about the clothes & underwear - you guys are HILARIOUS! You should be on TV!
Anyway, don't sweat it! I have 4 kiddo's 5years and younger. To say the least I fly by the seat of my pants. I'm not a planner and when you have allot of kids you can't be believe me I've learned the hard way.
Cleaning toys I've NEVER once cleaned a toy - Sad to say but when it was looking gross I would just chuck it and tell them to get a different one! Between Christmas & all the other holidays & B-Days we could fill 3 rooms with just toys so to clean them all would be something I would not do. My kids aren't sick becuase of it. People just get to germ scaried sometimes.
As for the baby items you need it will come don't worry & freat everyone has there time with shopping for baby items. Some like to shop earlier than later. I wish you and Tarzan all the best of luck w/ your new addition to your family. Jackie

Hi Jane,

I totally agree that all baby needs is a warm body and a couple of boobies. Trust me - I am a postpartum doula and I can not tell you how many first time parents I have worked with who have there house covered with baby crap and hardly touch any of it. And honestly what you and Tarzan and baby will need most is stuff that can't be registered for or bought anyway - support, love, help, meals, breastmilk - you get the idea.

I wanted to give you links to a couple of great online groups. The first is for the Arizona Birth Network. Their website is www.azbirthnetwork.com. They also have a very active yahoo group - www.http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/phoenixbirthc...
They have regular meetings where moms, moms to be, doulas, midwives, and other birth professionals meet and talk.

There is also AZ Mamas - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/azmamas/

Both groups are great places to lurk or to post questions about anything.

La Leche Leagues website is www.lllofaz.org. The meetings are awesome and they love pregnant mamas.

Good Luck!

-Katie

I wanted to

Wowzers. I'm 15.5 weeks pregnant and I'm not cruising down Baby's R Us yet. In fact, all the info, all the choices, and all the different equipment I'll need and need to learn is way overwhelming.

We could be the same pregnant lady. Let's pitch in and get a dual cleaning lady for our dishes, k?

Mrs. Kitty’s last blog post..natural childbirth

Everyone is going to tell you something different, information is going to conflict and you are going to be overwhelmed. The best advice I can give you - #1 do what feels right to you, most of the time it IS right. #2 Seek out family/friends with children that you really are impressed and/or like the way the children behave - ask those parents for tips and advice. #3 make sure you talk to family/friends with MULTIPLE age children in one family - this is where you will get the best advice on juggling everything - they have been there done that multiple times and are living with juggling various tasks daily for each age range. TRUST ME you will get the most practical and great advice from them, they don't have time to waste, lol.

Also, if you have a baby shower you will most of the time get lots of baby things. I am one of those weird people who gives practical things as well as the baby things - huge maxi pads, nipple pads, hemorrhoid cream, ibuprofen etc - yeah it is all "unmentionables" but most mom's I have given those to have come back to thank me, lol. No one ever thinks about those they are so caught up in baby land. :P Hopefully you will get someone like me, if not - remember gift cards can be used for purchasing your "post pregnancy survival kit" ;)

GOOD LUCK!

I forgot about the "soothie" yes its a pacifier but it is shaped like a bottle nipple with no hole. I liked them because if baby feel asleep they fall out. The traditional pacifiers have a nook in them they are designed to stay in the babies mouth. Again this is only if you decide to use one.

Ok I am so excited to hopefully introduce to you Freecycle! It is a Group about Recycling items that you may give away or throw away because you dont know what else to do with them. I live in Colorado so my group is based out of the city I live in. I am in it through Yahoo groups. (I found it by typing in Freecycle and my city on google) It works simply like this : other members post items they are giving away and other members respond, or vice-versa. Since I feel like I have to much stuff I keep getting rid of stuff. If you by chance do get something, you may have to go to someones house and pick it up. But again it is usually in your city so you dont have to go very far. Hope this helps!! (I have seen people get a running car just because they asked and someone had one to get rid of)

Oh yeah and about spit up on onsies you can wipe it off with a babywipe and they are good as new!

Hi Julie,

Well I know that I will be able to provide a ton of love, cuddles, boobs, and some clothes, so it looks like I've got it made! Thanks for the short, but honest advice. I really think the whole parenting thing is something that you can never fully prepare for until you step into that role. Then you learn as you go and in the end, things end up just fine. Thanks for your comment!

Wow, such great comments and advice. I really appreciate it! I'm guessing the baby industry is a lot like the wedding industry, where you are absolutely convinced that you need this and that to have a healthy and happy baby. I know that I'm going to have to refer back to these comments once the baby is here, so that I can remember all the good stuff y'all said. You all are such a great help!

@Donielle - We will def. have the baby sleeping in our room, but not in our bed. I didn't know people did this. I guess I'm always learning more and more. Yes, I plan on breast feeding too. Thanks for all your good recommendations on baby slings, bleach, and pacifiers. Oh, and please feel free to continue making a baby list for me. I will take any help that I can get ;)

@Tarzan - True to your word, the dishes are done. Yay! True to my word, the dark clothes have been washed. I'll work on the whites later (which probably means tomorrow), but at least you'll have some clean undies to wear!

@ Courtney- Do you know what the thing you put in the microwave is called? I need to start making a list for the future when I can handle tackling a baby registry. Our friends with the baby change his clothes constantly. I've often wondered (silently, of course) why they don't keep him in his onesie with a little spit-up. I mean, that's not gross, right? They change him with any and every little thing that gets on him. Glad to know that that isn't the norm. That alone stresses me out!

@SarahM- I definitely don't run a day care. Cannot even imagine doing something like that! Props to the ones that do. What is a receiving blanket? I'll definitely make a note to buy in bulk. It sounds like you go through those frequently! Thanks!

@Sarah Valente - Thanks for your words of wisdom. By having 5 kids, you're considered quite the expert in my book ;) Good to know about using vinegar instead of bleach. When I heard that on TV I thought that bleach just seems so harsh, but what do I know? Thanks for having faith in me. I guess I just want to be the best mom I can be and that leads to worrying about things that won't dictate whether or not I'll be a good mom.

@Juliet - Your comment was so sweet and couldn't be more true! It's always good to remember that a love is all a baby needs (well, minus a few other things I guess). Thanks for bringing me back down to earth.

@Sophie - Great attitude to have about cleaning and being a good mom. Also, thanks for putting it out there so bluntly as to what is required - snuggling with the baby sounds really nice!

@Jennessa - Great point about the clothes! I know that I'll end up buying a lot of useless stuff at the beginning just bc it's my first kid and I'll be super excited. I'll try to remember to stick to onesies initially. What's a soothie? Is that like a pacifier? I've never heard of a freecycle class, what is that?

@Reiza - Thanks for coming out of lurkerdom! Great to have you on here and I'm thankful for your helpful comments! I really like the idea of a parenting group. I think a lot of my anxiety about having a baby and being a mom stems from the fact that none of my close friends have kids. It's hard to imagine me stepping into that role when I have no experience doing so. I take care of my dog really, really well, but again, she's just a dog (even though we treat her like a kid and spoil her), a lot different from a baby. You really gave me some good advice and I will definitely refer back to it when I go to buy things. Oh, and I LOVE your comment about punching someone. The best excuse for doing anything is "I'm pregnant"... Ha, ha.

A wise midwife once said to me.. they need lots of cuddles, access to boobs, a few items of clothing and parents who love them. These are the important things to start with. You'll work out what else you need as you go.

I've been following you through your blog and on Twitter, but this is the first time I feel compelled to post. Hope you don't mind me coming out of lurkerdome.

Throw those lists away. They exist just to make more money on random crap (and they seriously frustrated/scare new parents).

What you need: breasts and a bed oh and a carseat. That's the one thing I wouldn't buy used. But you can still find deals.

Also useful to have: clothes (look at thrift stores, children's consignment stores and freecycle), a sling, maybe a stroller. You can often buy slings from work-at-home moms (buy locally and save shipping) and strollers can be found at consignment shops for HUGE discounts. If you're using disposable diapers, you can find great sales. If you're planning on using cloth, you can often find sales, but the best deals are getting them second-hand. Yeah, it may sound gross, but it's not at all. Even if you think you would never want cloth dipes, you may want to have a few on hand. Just using one or two a day can help save money. Swings/bouncy seats can be useful, but they can also be borrowed or found at consignment shops.

Hold off on toys, high chairs, special kids' dishes, etc.

Fancy detergents are completely unnecessary. Go with any of the "Free" brands (All Free worked best for us and was cheaper) and avoid fabric softener (when our kids are small, we used vinegar in place of fabric softener and it worked without bothering their skin).

If you plan on working/going to school, a pump and bottles might be necessary, but I'd wait to get those.

Try going to a parenting group of some sort. La Leche League is good and there are lots of others. You can go while pregnant. Make friends and find support. Another thing you'll find are moms who have been there who can tell you where the great sales are and who often have things to hand down for free. A parenting group is also a great place to ask for personal experience with pumps/bottles if you need them.

As for cleaning, have clorox wipes on hand (or the generic equivalent). Those things are a life-saver when you have a new baby. It takes only seconds to wipe things down. Lysol is useful, but you really don't have to scour all their toys. Most of the plastic ones can be put in the dishwasher if need be. I know our playgroup used to wash any toys that had been mouthed, but we never took it that far. Babies and toddlers put EVERYTHING in their mouths.

It's really not as difficult as these stores would have you believe. Don't let them overwhelm you. If they try to, punch them. :-) You're pregnant. You can get away with it. :-)

Reiza’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen: Labor Playlist

Oh yes the overwhelming feeling of being a parent. I really enjoy reading your blogs, I enjoy looking back on such a hectic time in my life. Ok first I never bleached my baby toys and the only time I do now is if someone is severly sick or the bath toys need a good scrub down. The best clothes for babies is onsies, onsies, onsies, when babies are first born all the cute clothes you will get never fit the baby right away and you will find yourself with clothes that still have tags on them after they are 3 months old. Plus they are always cradled up in blankets for the first few weeks until they wiggle so much its pointless. I personally bottle fed both kids my husband washed bottles before we went to bed and I managed bottles during the day. I had a pacifier for a few months but I used a "Soothie" my daughter had hers for maybe 3 months and I broke my boy of it before 6 months because I was told that after 6 months its just a habit. The best advice I ever got was this.... "Kids are only as expensive as you let them be." I still think of that to this day. You should look into a freecycle group if you havnt allready. The majority of items given away is baby and kids stuff. If you do need more info about freecycle let me know I would love to help you find a group near you!

This made me laugh a lot! My kids are 3 and 4 now and my house is still a tip and I still have a sink full of stagnant water every now and again. I said to mum, who is old school and cringes at the fact I don't mop the floor everyday - "I can be a great housewife or a great mum, and I choose to be a great mum".

As for equipment, all we needed for the first 6 months really were my boobs for milk, a sling, reusable nappies, a cot, some clothes, a car seat and a blanket (I may have missed a few things off the list - the bouncy seat is handy). Oh the beauty of hindsight.

The routine is pretty standard but add lots of long walks, late lie ins (with baby snuggled up) and so forth.

You'll do fine :)

The great thing about a baby is that they love you regardless of the state of the house, whether they are wrapped in a towel as the laundry isn't done, they live you without make-up, with sick on your shoulder and greasy hair. The most important thing to baby is that you are there for them. Ultimately nothing else is important :-)

Enjoy your amazing journey

Juliet, Brighton, UK

Juliet’s last blog post..Fear of Giving Birth - Reframe with Humour

Bleach? Absolutely not. Too much trouble because you'll worry about getting it all off. I have a bottle of vinegar and water and I clean everything with it. But no one cleans the toys that often. It's really not a big deal unless someone is sick (and slobbering on the toys).

You know what? My house was a bigger mess when I was pregnant with my first than it is now that I'm pregnant with my fifth. You'll figure it out. It's kinda a learn as you go job.

You'll decide what works for you, and what doesn't. You may not change your kid's clothes that many times no matter how dirty they get. I don't. I think it's silly to overwork myself so they can sparkle all day long.

But like I said, you'll figure it out. And you'll do great! No go take a deep breath (or better yet, a nap)!

P.S. I follow you on Twitter!;)

I have a 3yo daughter who rarely gets sick (despite being in full-time daycare), and I have never washed - let alone bleached - her toys. Well, except one stuffed animal that she barfed on as a baby, and that I threw in the washing machine with all the other barfed-on stuff.

I won't lie, there's a lot of laundry. I also have a 2 month old, and I've occasionally gone through 5 outfits a day, but more likely it's 1 or 2, plus up to a dozen receiving blankets (seriously - buy in bulk). But I wouldn't worry about cleaning baby toys unless you run a home day care, or have a baby with immune system problems.

LOL kinda wrong! I cant honestly say i never bleached one toy and my kids are happy and healthy. For that matter neither of them has a serious stomach bug til they were 3. You do ave to boil the bottles and binkies but they now make this cool thing you put in the microwave with the bottles and stuff in them and some water and it sterilizes them in like 5 mins. I never changed my baby 5 times a day unless we were out in public or going out in public. Why cause yourself more work if you are just sitting around the house. There is so much crap that people will tell you to buy that you will never use but i think it is all part of the first time mommy experience. If you search bloggy land you can probably find a list somewhere from a real mom not a planner that works for a magazine!

Courtney’s last blog post..I'm A TV Addict

Babe... I mean Jane... I'll help with the dishes. I'll come down in a little while and put a load into the dishwasher if you put a load of laundry in. I'm out of boxers and jeans! :(

As far as what items we need for a new baby, I'm totally clueless on that and hopefully some kind folks will respond to your post and help us out with that... and help you not be so overwhelmed. I agree, there is so much to it! Now I'm starting to freak out again! Ahhhhh!

It is overwhelming when you look at all the websites and store lists. They make you feel like you have to have a ton of stuff for baby. It's really not so. And you don't really need to register right away either. Heck - I changed my mind a million times even after we registered! :-)

Things to think about: are you going to co-sleep or have baby in a separate crib? If you want baby out of your bed (I do!) you can either just use the crib or if you're thinking of having baby in the room with you for a bit go for a pack in play that has a bassinet attachment.

Are you going to nurse? (btw - strongly recommended. Is it easy? no. BUT so much better if you can!) If you are, you need less bottles, but maybe a good pump if you plan on being away from baby, like ever. Also if you are pacifiers shouldn't be used the first few weeks anyways. And just rinse under hot water to wash.

Toys are overrated anyways, they don't play with them for months, so don't worry about those to much. If you have a small house or don't think you'd get large items at a shower, you can totally skip the swings and such. Some moms say they live by them, but I used mine like twice. I do love my bouncy seat though! And a good sling would be a good thing to have. Not the Baby Bjorns that are at Babies R Us, but a good sling like a moby wrap, or ring sling, or pocket sling. (google search it, tons of stuff will come up. Personally I have a Peanut Shell fro goo-ga.com)

Oh - and never use bleach on baby stuff!! To clean toys off (shh...I rarely do! I call it immune boosting!) put some vinegar in a spray bottle and wipe off. For disinfectant, spray w/ vinegar and then spray with hydrogen peroxide.

And if I can ever get my butt in gear, I'd like to finish my series on what you really need for baby - so check back with me, or shoot me an e-mail if you have questions!

Donielle’s last blog post..Hike up them drawers!