I remember someone telling me once that there is never a ‘prefect time’ to plan to have a baby. Things always come up; life happens. Sure, there are those couples who actually plan on having a baby and do well sticking to their plan, but there is another group of couples who sometimes let life get in the way.
Jane and I of course talked about having a child. When we got married last year, the ‘plan’ was to start trying around November. November was so far away and we knew we’d have things in order, money saved up, and we’d be ready.
As the months went on, the economy was getting worse. In my field, I began to notice things start to go downhill actually a year ago. I can remember having several conversations with Jane about how we were going to have to put things off for awhile when it came to baby making. Maybe wait another few months…
What I’m about to say I’ve never even told Jane. Huh. This little pregnancy blog serves several purposes I guess! Anyway, in August I really started to wonder if there ever would be a right time. Things continued to get worse, I lost most of my clients, and I knew it was going to be tough for awhile.
By the time September rolled around I was fairly sure that it wouldn’t be until late 2009 or maybe 2010 that we’d start trying. Maternity insurance isn’t cheap for the self-employed. And you obviously have to get that ahead of time before you become pregnant.
October hit and I had made up my mind. There was no way we could do anything for quite awhile. I knew that it hurt Jane. It hurt me too. But with the way the economy and business was going, it would have been crazy to get the insurance and start trying.
Then, like a witch doing wild doughnuts in the air riding on a broomstick, Halloween comes rolling in – and you know what happened that night! So here we are. Jane is 13 weeks pregnant and I’m a bucket full of smelly slimy stress oil with major lower backaches because that’s where I hold my stress. (If you have any tips on how to get rid of stress-induced lower back pain, that would be greatly appreciated!)
Speaking of stress, listen to this. Tonight I plucked my very first white hair. WTH?! I’m too young to have a white hair! It was on my eyebrow of all places. The stress must not only be in my back, but it must be going to my eyebrows, too. Great. Just great.
I had a massage the other day for my back, but now I’m going to need to make another appointment to get my eyebrows massaged to get the stress out of them. Man. I guess I could have found a white hair somewhere else, so it could have been worse. And if I did find one in a more private area where my boys live, I highly doubt Jane would allow me to get that section of my body massaged.
One freaking white hair.
Jane doesn’t know I plucked it out. I don’t even know if she knew I had one. I was too embarrassed to tell her. But now she’ll know and hopefully she’ll massage my eyebrows tonight so another one doesn’t sprout up overnight.
That single white hair (it was actually white, really!) freaked me out tonight. After I plucked it out (which hurt like hell by the way) I just held it up and looked at it. That single white hair made me realize that many years down the road I’ll have those little unwanted dingbats in other places. Oh boy. I just have to find a way to destressitize myself. Destressitize. Is that a real word? I don’t care. It’s fun to say. Destressitize.
Anyway, getting back to father-to-be life… don’t take me wrong here with my freaking and stressing out. Believe me. I am extremely excited about our coming new addition to our family. I know our baby will be the best thing that has ever happened to the both of us. I know that we’ll be happier than we ever have been in our lives the moment we first see our creation with our own eyes. So really, I’m good there.
Now on the flip side, I’m sure I’m going through what many other father-to-be’s are also going through… especially during these times. I think as a guy it’s natural to be thinking about all of the financial aspects of everything, especially when you have a baby on the way. I’ve talked about that in previous blog posts.
Also, I try my best to keep all my stresses away from Jane so she can be pregnant and stress- free, but sometimes I have to talk to her because decisions need to be made – and they’ll of course affect her.
As a side note, I should make a mental note to talk to Jane about any really big stuff before I post it here! We obviously read each others posts, and I’d hate for either one of us to read something that we should have talked about first! Whew! Saved myself a few pregnancy heightened hormone spiked arguments there!
So, here’s where I’m going with all of this. I know, get to the point already Tarzan…
Sometimes there just isn’t a right time. If you wait for the right time to come, before you know it you’re 72 years-old popping Viagra like they are grapes and chasing nurses down the hallway. Or if you’re a women and you wait to long, the batteries in that clock of yours will have long expired, and the only action you get is when you “ooooh and aaaaah” over how good the Bengay feels on your aching feet.
So what are we going to do? We’re just going to deal with it, make the best of it, and know that things may be a little crazy around here for awhile. I say that like it’s easy to do! My constant stress levels prove otherwise, but at least I know in the back of my mind that we’ll get through this one way or another, get back on track, and jump ahead of the 8-ball.
After all, I do have something to feel very proud of and happy about besides a baby on the way…
I know that my boys can swim! For years I thought those little buggers were afraid of the water. Honestly I thought the only swimming they could do was the breaststroke. ha!
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Yeah, I know what you mean. Both my husband and I are self-employed in Texas right now, and maternity insurance just wasn’t do-able. ‘Turns out, it will be cheaper to just pay out of pocket. Cheaper. . . . as in about $20,000 *IF* all that goes wrong is a C-section. Yeah.
We were just very happy that husband’s boys can swim, too.
I just found your blog the other day and I’m slowly making my way through all the old posts to get caught up! I’ve really enjoyed reading all the posts, but this one really hit home for me. We’ve been waiting to be in a little bit better situation financially even though we’d probably be fine if I was to get pregnant now. Maybe we shouldn’t let life get so in the way!
Thanks to you both for being so honest and putting everything out there! I can’t wait until I’m all caught up!
Hi Elsie,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have a feeling that there are a LOT of people in the same boat… and it’s going to get worse for a lot of people out there. Teen pregnancy is up for the first time in 15 years. (http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/07/10/teen.pregnancy/index.html)
So between that and couples like us and the economy, things are going to be a little crazy for all of us for quite some time.
@ Yoga… it’s very interesting that you mention that. I was just talking to Jane over breakfast this morning that life really has gotten in the way of a lot of things for me. I’ve lost touch with myself and how I used to be.
Years ago I used to spend hours in the woods meditating… which was a little strange for someone who was 16-20 or so to be doing. Back then I was reading books on deep meditation, energy, indians and the way they meditated and ‘got in touch’ with nature, etc.
I had a lot of cool things happen to me. And come to think of it, those were some of the toughest periods of my life. While most other kids resorted to drugs and alcohol, I resorted to meditation and getting in touch with myself and nature. (Although I lost touch with and my heavy partying days started shortly thereafter!)
Anyway, there are sides to me that have been dormant for many years. Life got in the way, I became distracted, and was swooped up into the mass-thinking with the masses.
The fact that Jane and I discussed this over breakfast this AM and then seeing you mention a few things above I take as little signs as to the direction I should be going in. It wouldn’t hurt if I just take even 30 minutes a day to drive down the road to a park near the woods and just sit down, relax, clear my mind, and concentrate on removing all of this negative energy inside of me.
I have 30-40 audio CDs for relaxation, meditation, and on and on that have been sitting in a box for years. It may be time to dust those out and put them to use. With the current stress and the potential for some rough times ahead financially, with a cleared mind I’d make much better decisions and be able to deal with all of this much better.
Yes, Tarzan has a whole different side to him.
Never meant to talk about the above on this blog, but in a lot of ways, it’s all related.
Stress is horrible for a woman who is pregnant. I want Jane to have that pregnant glow and be totally stress free. She has never meditated and I’m not sure if she has done any Yoga in the past. I do know she has trouble clearing her mind to the point that you have zero thoughts and have comfort in nothingness.
This may be something that I can teach her which would help her be more relaxed during pregnancy, help her headaches, keep her stress levels down, and at the same time, be helping me do the same.
Thanks Elsie. Your little post turned the little spark I had this morning into a raging fire.
Tarzan!
I hear you brother. Kinda riding the same boat, although we just happen to be a few months ahead
We (my ‘Tarzan’ and I) were going to get MARRIED before we had our monkey, but as you put it, life was in the way, and I believe our little one needed to be born exactly when she was born. I will be 37 in less than a month, and I was already freaking out about NOT being able to have children, so waiting, although it may have seemed optimal, did not go well with my inner time line. We found out I was pregnant last February. At that time I had a full time job, with full benefits, which was awesome!
My little girl was born via ‘emergency’ C-Section on October 2 (you can read all about her birth story recounted by her Daddy here) I took 3 wks ‘off’ from my job. I was allowed to work from home for 2 wks and then, I was laid off. Pretty crazy. My ‘Tarzan’ is an independent contractor, green carpenter/builder and all the projects that he had leads on disappeared. He has been out of ‘work’ until last week, when he got a couple of projects which really helped us out. So, we have a little one, lots of extra expenses and no jobs.
My ‘Tarzan’ I know feels just like you right now. He has also gotten a few white hairs. I’ve watched them grow
. And we both feel the pressure of the economy crushing us at times. What I’m about to say may seem totally kooky (mind you I’m a yoga instructor among other things and my ‘Tarzan’ is a Tai Chi instructor), but we have a lot of love. We believe we are good people who choose to offer goodness and integrity back into the world as much as we can. We live our lives as naturally as we can and we sincerely choose to only add and shift the world around us with as much light as possible. It is in our recognition of the beauty of the everyday, now reflected and embodied in our little girl that we remember that ultimately we will be just fine. We have each other and that is absolutely SACRED 
I say this and believe it, but there are times when my stomach feels like a boulder when the reality of our financial situation hits us (like getting our gas bill $575!!!!) But, I breathe, pause, and remember what truly matters. Somedays it’s easier than other days….but that’s the dance of life!
Re: your lower back. Listen to some of my level 1 yoga classes and possibly even do some. It will relieve so much, I promise! It will add to your Daddy power kit
You can download them from iTunes, just search for Elsie Escobar 
Hey Peta,
To answer your question, yes. We have to pay for everything out of pocket. You name it, I’m slapping down some plastic for it.
*KNOCKING ON WOOD* that there are no complications and Jane does not need to have a c-section, then I think by the time everything is all said and done we’ll be spending somewhere around $14,000 or so. If she needs to have a c-section, I am told that can quickly jump to $50,000 or more. *KNOCKING ON WOOD* again, god forbid our baby needed to spend even a very short period of time in the ICU, like if s/he was born a little early, we’ll be looking at bills into the six-figures.
So… as you can imagine, we are hoping for a very nice, easy, painless (wishful thinking) straight-forward, no issues, plain-old, easy-as-pie, no issues whatsoever, great childbirth for Jane.
You’ve got a good health system there? Jeesh. Sounds like you do! I have a feeling it would cost Jane and I less to move over there now, have our baby, hang out at the beach, do some sightseeing, rent a house, etc. and still have money left over compared to what we’ll be spending here!
If you don’t know anything about the US healthcare system… oh boy. Do I have some things to say… I’ll save that for another topic for another day. Let’s just say that it is twisted, backwards in many, many cases, unfair, and well, not structured in a way to actually work! Man… don’t get me started on this one… LOL
Dear “Josh” and “Stacey”,
How can I be nice about this… Oh, there is one word I can use… SPAMMERS!
Sorry, you’re not going to fool Tarzan. I see that you’ve spammed a few thousand other blogs out there. Well, you’re antics are not going to work here.
Here’s a little hint… if you’re going to spam a ton of blogs to build up your link love out there, at least get a little creative and change up your comments in every blog.
Seriously. I unlinked your sites from your names. I also added you both (although you are the same person) a nice new middle name that suits you both very well. And so do the images…
The nerve of some people, huh?
And I’m probably one of the only people to actually leave the names and posts of comment spammers up – and actually take the time to write to them. I guess I’m just crazy like that.
Besides that, our aim is to make this blog unique, enjoyable, and contains less fat and calories than other blogs.
Hey Tarzan,
I’m not sure how it all works on the US, do you have to pay for everything all your appointments with docs and ultrasounds and the actual birth.
As you know i am in Australia and we are fortunate to have a very good public system here, as I have no health insurance we are relying on the public system.
My only cost will be for my second ultra sound and If i want access to a TV after i give birth while still in the hospital everything else is covered thankfully, maybe you shoudl relocate to Australia hehehe
That said we still have to look after this baby when it arrives and we too are worried about how we will afford to live and eat and pay bills if i stop working, of course I would like to take at least year off I cant see that happening thou.
As for your back pain I have two slip disc’s in my lower back, I use a heat pillow or a hot water bottle on my back, this might help relive some of that tension
I wouldn’t worry about the 1 white hair, I got my first gray hair when i was 8 so it can happen at any time in life.
Hope Jane is feeling better today, i also had a horror day yesterday but today seems to be getting better.
My thoughts are with you both
I found your site on Google and read a few of your other entires. Nice Stuff. I’m looking forward to reading more from you.
I finally decided to write a comment on your blog. I just wanted to say good job. I really enjoy reading your posts.