Being pregnant definitely has its ups and downs. Sure, the final result of popping out a baby out of your vag. is fantastic and totally worth any hell that you might experience throughout pregnancy, but pregnancy sure has its moments.
I was feeling pretty good today and decided that I just had to have a chicken salad sandwich with tomato basil soup. It was a necessity, I tell you.
Of course I went and picked it up (remember, I don’t cook) and scarfed it down like it was going to be the last time I ate. It was delicious going down at first, but then there was a point where I had to put down the croissant and regroup. My stomach was telling me no more and it was tasting BAD. I threw it all away and came to lay on the couch.
Naturally I feel like sh!t right and I’m screwing around online. I found a site that I’m in love with and I’ve been sending out cards to everyone I know. I’ve never laughed so hard at something online and it totally made me focus on something else other than how pregnancy is not going over well with my stomach.
The “card” I posted above cracks me up. I really always thought that pregnant women had it made.
No period, I mean really, does it get much better than that?
Oh sure you trade in your period and cramps, but only to get crazy hormones that can make you a b!tchy, emotional mess. Or what about morning sickness? Oh man, I would take having my period any day over throwing up and not being able to keep anything down. Or shall we focus on pregnancy acne? That’s my favorite part of pregnancy so far. There’s just nothing like waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, only to find out that you should go back to being age 13 again and playing connect the dots on your face.
Oh yes, pregnancy is lovely.
And don’t even get me started on the infamous pregnancy glow. I really am starting to think it’s a bunch of bullsh!t because WHERE IS IT?
I certainly don’t have it.
On my “congrats you are 15 weeks pregnant” email that came today, the whole topic was about this thing called pregnancy glow. The email told me that my cheeks should be rosy now due to all the increased blood, which creates the pregnancy glow.
LIARS.
If there is such a thing as pregnancy glow, I certainly don’t have it and can’t wait to see if it graces me with rosy cheeks. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you in-the-know.
Hmm, what else is there about pregnancy?
Pregnancy gas is always lovely and smells so nice. Your clothes that you wore pre-pregnancy don’t fit or are getting too snug, which makes you feel like a stuffed sausage, which is pretty fanf*ckingtastic. The pregnancy migraines that make you want to just rip your head off. The vomiting that makes you want to start living in the bathroom, you know, because the toile is right there and I’m all about convenience.
Um, what else…
You start worrying about what pregnancy really is. A baby being born. A new life. A helpless little body for you to take care of and love. Responsibility. Diapers. Toys. College education. Religion. Worrying about one penis (if it’s a boy) or everyone else’s penis (if it’s a girl).
Oh. My. Gosh.
Yes, pregnancy is truly lovely.
I just can’t wait for all the good feelings to start showing up. You know, the sex that you just gotta have all the time (For the record, I’m calling bullsh!t on this one too!). The pregnancy glow. The new energy. The calm period where you reflect on what a fabulous mom you’ll be to this new life. The decorating of the nursery. The nesting. The no more morning sickness. The no more headaches. No more feeling like sh!t.
All you good things that result from pregnancy – Please come over and feel free to stay for the duration of my pregnancy. I welcome you with open arms. Just sayin’.
And as a complete side-note - I sent this card to Tarzan for a quick giggle. How great is it? Yay! His boys definitely were good swimmers. I’m proud of you, T.!
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= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
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LOL!! I agree so much about all of this, though I am still in the hellish first triemster. I never had acne this bad as a teenager and I look young as one so I get all kinds of comments. I got so sick of people saying I looked 6-7 months pregnant that my husband had a t-shirt made for me that says “My baby is the size of a peanut, what you see is gas, still wanna touch my belly?” I wear it all the time and get some great looks but people have been leaving my tummy alone!
As to the moving into the bathroom comment, already done it. I started bleeding pretty bad a few days after my BFP and was put on bedrest for 2 weeks for threatened miscarriage, from 4weeks 3 days till 5 weeks 6 days when the bleeding stopped. As soon as I stopped bleeding I started puking. I have one of those inflatable camping pads, a spare pillow and a big warm blanket on my bathroom floor. I spend about half the night and most of the morning in there. Pretty much the only time I’m not throwing up is when I am in class (full time college student).
I hate the ‘morning sickness’ but am also kinda greatful everytime it pops up since I know baby is still where he/she should be.
Ugh, I know! I don’t know how women do this 5 or 6 times. Especially twins. This is way worse than last time.
Just wait, you’ll feel little kicks and dancing and your whole outlook will change. That’s the redeeming quality of pregnancy.
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HA HA HA! Jane you made me laugh when you said: Worrying about one penis (if it’s a boy) or everyone else’s penis (if it’s a girl).
So true… so true.
As you’ve probably figured out by now, there is a lot of things people/books/doctors will tell you that just doesn’t happen…The “glow” didn’t happen for me either. That rosy red look, looked like a mild case of rosacea. And my energy increased for about 5 weeks, before plummeting back to zero. In that 5 weeks, I felt GREAT, though. Sadly it was short lived. I hope it’s longer for you.
As for the sex drive, I lost mine as soon as I found out I was pregnant. But when I want it, I want it NOW. lol. It just very rare.
I hope it’s ok that your comment made me laugh out loud. I can relate to the rosacea that attacked the side of my nose. Definitely no glow yet
but I still do have hope! So glad to hear about your sex drive too! It’s such an awful thing and it’s still non-existent. 