Being pregnant definitely has its ups and downs. Sure, the final result of popping out a baby out of your vag. is fantastic and totally worth any hell that you might experience throughout pregnancy, but pregnancy sure has its moments.
I was feeling pretty good today and decided that I just had to have a chicken salad sandwich with tomato basil soup. It was a necessity, I tell you.
Of course I went and picked it up (remember, I don’t cook) and scarfed it down like it was going to be the last time I ate. It was delicious going down at first, but then there was a point where I had to put down the croissant and regroup. My stomach was telling me no more and it was tasting BAD. I threw it all away and came to lay on the couch.
Naturally I feel like sh!t right and I’m screwing around online. I found a site that I’m in love with and I’ve been sending out cards to everyone I know. I’ve never laughed so hard at something online and it totally made me focus on something else other than how pregnancy is not going over well with my stomach.
The “card” I posted above cracks me up. I really always thought that pregnant women had it made.
No period, I mean really, does it get much better than that?
Oh sure you trade in your period and cramps, but only to get crazy hormones that can make you a b!tchy, emotional mess. Or what about morning sickness? Oh man, I would take having my period any day over throwing up and not being able to keep anything down. Or shall we focus on pregnancy acne? That’s my favorite part of pregnancy so far. There’s just nothing like waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, only to find out that you should go back to being age 13 again and playing connect the dots on your face.
Oh yes, pregnancy is lovely.
And don’t even get me started on the infamous pregnancy glow. I really am starting to think it’s a bunch of bullsh!t because WHERE IS IT?
I certainly don’t have it.
On my “congrats you are 15 weeks pregnant” email that came today, the whole topic was about this thing called pregnancy glow. The email told me that my cheeks should be rosy now due to all the increased blood, which creates the pregnancy glow.
LIARS.
If there is such a thing as pregnancy glow, I certainly don’t have it and can’t wait to see if it graces me with rosy cheeks. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you in-the-know.
Hmm, what else is there about pregnancy?
Pregnancy gas is always lovely and smells so nice. Your clothes that you wore pre-pregnancy don’t fit or are getting too snug, which makes you feel like a stuffed sausage, which is pretty fanf*ckingtastic. The pregnancy migraines that make you want to just rip your head off. The vomiting that makes you want to start living in the bathroom, you know, because the toile is right there and I’m all about convenience.
Um, what else…
You start worrying about what pregnancy really is. A baby being born. A new life. A helpless little body for you to take care of and love. Responsibility. Diapers. Toys. College education. Religion. Worrying about one penis (if it’s a boy) or everyone else’s penis (if it’s a girl).
Oh. My. Gosh.
Yes, pregnancy is truly lovely.
I just can’t wait for all the good feelings to start showing up. You know, the sex that you just gotta have all the time (For the record, I’m calling bullsh!t on this one too!). The pregnancy glow. The new energy. The calm period where you reflect on what a fabulous mom you’ll be to this new life. The decorating of the nursery. The nesting. The no more morning sickness. The no more headaches. No more feeling like sh!t.
All you good things that result from pregnancy – Please come over and feel free to stay for the duration of my pregnancy. I welcome you with open arms. Just sayin’.
And as a complete side-note - I sent this card to Tarzan for a quick giggle. How great is it? Yay! His boys definitely were good swimmers. I’m proud of you, T.!
You might also want to read:
- Update on pregnancy pimples: Still going strong
- What’s your favorite part of pregnancy?
- The joy of swollen pregnancy hands: Trading real wedding rings for CZ wedding ring
- 26 weeks pregnant: A meltdown about pregnancy, anxiety, and the unknown
- 37 weeks pregnant: Reminiscing about my pregnancy
[...] 14. Pregnancy ups, down, worries, and giggles [...]