We’re only 15 weeks pregnant, so I’m sure this is the first of MANY realities that will be hitting me on the head of how much our life is going to be changing.
You see, my best friend is getting married later this year on a cruise ship of all places. I have no problem with that – Jane and I love going on cruises, but there will be one little problem: we will have living, breathing proof that my boys can swim living with us.
Our baby only be a couple months old by the time the wedding comes.
Jane and I have talked about this several times over the last few weeks, but this morning while I was having breakfast, I made my decision: I’m going to miss my best friend’s wedding. Wow, that really sucks. Even hurts me a little, actually. I’ve known him the longest of anyone in my life besides family.
But I just cannot imagine traveling to an airport with a baby, 500,000 pounds of luggage, flying, then getting n a cruise ship, and then poor, poor Jane… she wouldn’t have much fun I don’t think.
Forget all of the details, once we’re on the ship and we set sail, Jane will be breast-feeding all the time. She also wouldn’t be able to drink. And, no matter where we went, we’d have to bring our newborn baby with us. Dinners, shows, etc. I just don’t see how that is possible for many reasons.
For one, I’d be a nervous wreck! I’d be nervous about my baby, Jane, and wouldn’t want to leave the room and have fun with my friend while Jane is stuck in the room.
Now I don’t know if I’m overreacting here and you can bring a baby with you anywhere you go – or I’m making the wrong decision here.
I just cannot imagine how we’d walk through the airport with all of the luggage and a baby… and all of the baby supplies we’ll need.
Jane is a PACKER. Especially on cruises. No lie (sorry Jane!) she brings an entire suitcase just for the shoes she brings. There’s enough cloths to last her at least a month, so if we ever got stranded on an island for a month, running out of clean cloths wouldn’t be something we’d need to worry about.
I had this vision of me today wheeling 5 suitcases, a stroller, 3 backpacks, 2 baby bags, with 2 bottles of water in my pockets while Jane, baby, and I walk through the airports.
And the crazy part is if you’ve ever been on a cruise, you know that getting off the ship once the cruise is over is a huge ordeal – especially if you have a lot of luggage. You’re on your own and Jane and I have learned that lesson the hard way – having more luggage than we could carry.
Anyway, I just don’t think being on a cruise ship for a week with a newborn would be fun. I don’t think we’d get off the ship and go on any of the fun excursions - I wouldn’t want to bring our baby into some of those towns…
So what do you think? Am I making the right decision here? Am I just being too careful? Am I being an over-protective soon-to-be father? What would you do?
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= a post from Mommy Jane 
= a post from Daddy Tarzan
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Nope, sounds like life to me. We had to make a lot of adjustments when our son came along and part of that was travel. We did it cross country, but only when he was six months old and weaned. It still wasn’t easy, but we’re glad we did it. You probably will be so tired you won’t care that much. I wouldn’t sweat it.
I am not a parent yet (8.5 weeks pg), however since May of last year I have been reading a blog of a man who lost his wife 27 hours after their daughter was born. They did a lot of traveling as a couple and had planed to continute that life with their baby, so he has taken his daugher on I belive around 10 trips all over the US, Canada, & Mexico, all on his own! Here is his blog, he gives advice etc on traveling with his daughter, and asked for and recived a lot of tips back when he first started flying with her: http://www.mattlogelin.com/
If you read from the start, be sure to have a box of tissues close by!
Love your blog by the way … I can realate a lot and love the hummor in in all!
Good for you for being a man and sucking it up! Yes, this decision absolutely sucks and one can only hope that your best friend has some compassion for you. But I can’t imagine international travel with a newborn. The immune system just isn’t built up enough. You may be literally risking your babies life if you went on that trip.
I’m having a similar decision crisis right now. One of my best friends wants to raft the Grand Canyon for his 40th birthday. But I’ll have a 3 year old and a six month old at that point. I can’t just chuck this kids to grandma for 2 weeks to go have some fun. It’s a bummer, but this is a decision that should be easy for a parent. It’s not good for the baby = NO.
It’s way easier to travel the smaller they are. Grab a front back and you’re good to go. I don’t know what kind of cruise you’re going on, but often times they have babysitting services that are terrific. I would go. As for packing, things change when you have a baby. Adia generally has a much larger bag than I do.
I think I would go!
Your best friend’s wedding will only happen once (hopefully!) Very small babies travel quite easily, and you don’t NEED all that paraphenalia. A snugli-type carrier works great. I travelled with my 2 year old and 3 month old as a single mom, so it can be done. Little babies are easy to soothe by nursing and easier to contain (unlike toddlers!)
You won’t mind if you can’t do everything on the cruise, and babies that age will often sleep through shows and dinners (in a baby sling or something like that)
I agree with Jamie above about older babies– that would be harder….but a couple months old? I would go for it myself, but only you and Jane can make the decision.
I have a sister who did NOTHING for the first 5 years of her child’s life. Wouldn’t go to a movie, or out to dinner or anywhere without her child. Let me tell you- the separation anxiety was a serious problem (for both of them)
Anyway, you can only do what you feel comfortable with. Whatever you decide will be right for you!
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Honestly? I might do it. My husband and I took our little girl on a four-hour road trip to a wedding when she was just 3 months old. It took some planning, sure, but it’s much easier to travel with them when they’re small (as opposed to say, NOW when she’s a year old and well… much more work than a 3-month old).
It’s up to you guys to decide what you’re comfortable with, but in our case it was actually pretty fun to flex our parenting muscles that way. Kudos to you both for working toward your baby’s best interest already… this parenting business starts early, doesn’t it?
I am with you. A friend of ours is getting married in Mexico shortly after our baby is due and frankly… I just can’t imagine it at this point. I do want to travel with our child and do all sorts of adventures but… the first 6 months is such an adjustment period.
Have a baby that is a few months old is probably the best time to travel…once they start crawling is when it becomes a nightmare. Seriously…you don’t need much, probably not even a portable crib. Chances are the cruise ship can supply you with one.
So I say go for it. But you had better define “couple of months” because there is a big difference between a 2 month old and a 4 month old. If the baby is only 2 months old, then it will be easy. There are no baby supplies other than diapers and clothes. You won’t need a stroller, just a baby bjorn or something like that. If breastfeeding goes according to plan, then you might need a pump and some bottles. By that age, you should give the occasional bottle anyway, or you will be tied to that baby forever!
If you have to miss the excursions, then so be it…you will enjoy the quiet on the ship and save yourself money!
And if you really want some help, then consider asking the grandparents to come with you in their own cabin. They can look after baby while you have a nice dinner, etc.
Quite simply, if you let that baby start taking over your life…you are done for. Will it be different that what you are used to? Absolutely, but it’s completely do-able. Then again, it depends on the baby. It might be laid-back and very easy, or it might be a colicky child from hell.
It’s a hard choice, but I know you will do what’s right for you.
Wow, so many different comments! Just to clarify, the cruise would happen towards the end of September. If I have the baby on July 23 (really, what are the chances of that?), the baby will be about 2 months old.
Here’s my problem with it all: I see your points about how easy traveling with a baby is, but going on a road trip with a 2 month old and going on a cruise ship are two totally different things.
As much as I love cruises, they are germy places. Is bringing a 2 month old into a ton of new germs really a good idea? What if something seriously happened and the baby got sick? Yes, they have “hospitals” onboard, but what if it was major? We’ve been on a cruise where they had to have a helicopter take a guy off bc they weren’t able to treat him.
And, we are not the type of people to just enjoy sitting in the cabin. If I’m on a cruise, I want to be active. How active could we (me) really be? You can’t go swimming. Can’t go into the casino (too much smoke). Can’t have drinks (breastfeeding). Can’t partake in massages (what to do with baby). This is all the stuff that stresses us out.
I’m sure that a 2 month old would be an easy traveler, but would it really be a fun experience as parents? It seems more like a hassle and a waste of money (besides seeing the 10 minute ceremony) to be on a cruise ship, but not be able to do anything.
That being said, we did think of asking my parents to come with us and help out. That is still a possibility.
We will not let having a baby doom us to staying at home and being terrified to do anything, but with a baby so young, I just wonder how realistic and safe it is to travel on a cruise in international waters… The baby won’t take over our lives. Flying doesn’t bother me because it’s a short amount of time, but a cruise is a week. A week of germs. A week of sitting in the room and ordering room service bc the baby is breastfeeding and I don’t want to do that in public (or so I think right now).
So with all that being said, what do y’all think now?
Mmh. That is a tough one. I am 12 weeks pregnant and I can not imagine how I will feel. But I know that my parents took me to California (from Berlin, Germany!) when I was only a couple months old. They spent the ‘Baby Money’ (1000 Marks from the government for baby stuff) on a great trip to their friends in the US. Maybe that was the 70’s and they were Hippies (kind of), but they had the time of their life and I have great pictures of me as a baby in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.
I think it’s up to you. If you both want to do it, it’s definitely do-able. And a cruise ship seems like it would be a great place to be – either of you could easily go back to the room to feed, change and rest the baby. Then come out for dinner, walks on the deck, a dip in the pool, etc. No, you likely wouldn’t be able to enjoy ALL the amenities, like boozing it up and staying up all night, but personally, I think it would still be a nice getaway.
That said, you guys know yourselves, and if it would be supremely stressful to pack for yourselves and a newborn and schlep all the way to the cruise ship, then worry about the germs, then don’t do it. Also, Tarzan could consider going alone, to support your friend, if Jane wouldn’t mind too much. Might be a good time for her to have a friend or sister or Mom out to visit. GL – it’s a nice problem to have!
PS…why can’t you go swimming or get a massage? Daddy can certainly (and I’m sure he’d be glad to) take the babe for awhile so mama can pamper herself! And about b/f in public, you can get a very pretty wrap or “hooter hider” (yes, that’s what they’re called
and find a quiet corner. But that’s a personal choice.
But yeah, you’ve gotta do what’s best for you. It’s probably a lot of money, which could be spent doing sthg else you’d enjoy more.
If you’re seriously worried about it, check out My Charming Kids. She just took her 3 month old on a 1 week cruise. They had a blast and their only problem was needing a birth certificate to get on the ship.
http://www.mycharmingkids.net/2009/01/everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know.html
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Wow. Thanks for all of the comments everyone. Very much appreciated!
Jane and I have a little bit of time to decide, but the more I think about it and reading all of your replies, I’m still leaning more towards no… but will keep you posted on the decision we make.
@Jill… that blog… that story is incredibly sad. REALLY sad.
I’ll even admit I have some tears in my eyes right now.
I’m going to go downstairs, give Jane a big hug, and tell her I love her right now.
We traveled internationally with 4 kids in tow! I kept the baby in a sling, and we maneuvered just fine through airports here and abroad. The key was the baby sling, though. If you begin wearing your baby in the first weeks of life, both you and the baby will love it! It makes discreet breastfeeding second-nature. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a restaurant eating my meal while my baby ate his, and nobody had a clue. People sometimes asked, “Do you have a baby in there? Can I see?” Since baby was in the midst of a meal and I didn’t really care to expose baby, boob and all, I would respond politely (as I pulled the sling higher), “He’s asleep right now, and I don’t want to disturb him.” As with everything, practice makes perfect…practice using your sling in front of a mirror until you’re really comfortable with it. My favorite baby carriers are Baby K’tan, Peanut Shell and Baby Hawk.
As far as germs go, your body produces antibodies to anything you are exposed to, and you pass those to your baby in your milk. When we went to Costa Rica to live, the only one who didn’t get sick was the one who was still nursing!
I wish you all wisdom as you make this decision. It would be great if grandparents could go along. A great, compact, easy-to-use pump is the Medela Swing. You can actually nurse on one side and pump the other so grandma has a bottle for later.
Although having a baby does bring a lot of changes, you will still be the same fun-loving people you are today. Bring your baby into your lifestyle and love every minute of it!
Jane & Tarzan…..didn’t mean to get all preachy on you. The first rule of parenting is you can’t judge other parents and everyone does what is right for them. So sorry if I sounded preachy. And it is soooo much easier in hindsight
It’s a tough choice to make because you have to pay for everything in advance.
Maybe you can just wait, see how you feel, and then grab a last minute deal if things are going well once baby comes along.
I’m really enjoying your blog and the 2 points of view.
Hi Glenni – thanks for your stories and the product recommendations. I will have to make a note of all the products and practice once I decide on one. I can’t believe that you were able to nurse in a restaurant that discreetly. I must admit, it doesn’t sound too awful and what a learning curve all of this is! I immediately think “My boob will be exposed and that will be the end of breast feeding in public.” I guess I’m being a little dramatic, but it’s so hard to imagine a life and all the changes that I don’t even know about yet. Whew. I really appreciate hearing it from your point of view and thanks for sharing with me!
Hey Stephanie – No worries at all! I never thought you were being too preachy and I welcome any and all points of view here. Like I’ve said a million times, I have no idea what to expect with a baby, so my thoughts might be totally wrong and thats where I depend on y’all to help me out!
I think the best thing to do is to wait a couple of months, see what we learn, think about how it will be, talk to the dr. about it, and then make a better decision. Our thoughts might be clouded at the moment with all that’s going on.
All in all though, I am grateful for your thoughts and your opinions on everything. The thing that I’m most terrified of is losing myself and the lifestyle that we’re used to. It’s nice to hear that we can fit the baby into our lifestyle instead of the other way. Makes it sound a whole lot better!
Again, no worries and thanks so much!
I say do it! Breastfed babies are portable, their ity bity clothes don’t take up much room and all they want at that age is constant cuddle time and milk. You don’t need to take a stroller, use a sling. You can also feed discreetly in a sling and Mom and Bub can have bed rest when ever they want it. plus.. no coking meals or doing dishes for a whole week!
I took my son on a 4 day adventure involving long stretches of train travel when he was 6 weeks and found it to be the perfect time to travel. My husband carried the bags, I carried the baby and had everyone treating me like a princess. I loved it.
Of course, this will work only if Mom and bub are doing well and feel ready for such an adventure. It is probably something you won’t be able to commit until the last minute.
It’s up to you. I found it easier to travel with a small baby and my little one had 12 flights under her belt by 18 months. You don’t need too much for a very small guy and you can put him in a wrap or a sling and he can be very portable, even while breastfeeding (after a little practice). That said a new baby is a huge change so it’s hard to know how you’ll feel about it and when you’ll feel ready to handle anything out of the ordinary. Also, Tarzan, Jane may still be a litle tired and may not mind an afternoon break to nap on some days.
It would be a shame to miss your friend’s wedding but I’m sure he will understand if you can’t go. Just play it by ear and make the decision as last minute as you can.
Well there goes that idea for me… I always wanted to go off on a cruise with my wife, too bad my boys can swim too!!! Glenni all that information sounds great and expensive! Im just a military man we dont make that much ya know… I will however pass the info on to my wife she seems to always have cash flow (hummmmm)…