Father-to-be woken up at 5 AM with severe chest pain… Pregnancy stress?

hey Jane. ima soo-to-be mom, and dnt have that much xperience in all dis, my fiance en i have been trying for the past 2yrs nw we here en i dnt knw wat to do? please help me get over dis fear dat i myt nt hold my baby in my arms. im scared, pls help

Man, aside from the chest pain, sounds like I could have been the author of this post too. C-section tomorrow, no idea what's next. I don't want to stress my wife about it, none of the family's business if they can't help anyway, just swollowing my tears when I'm alone. And we already have a little one, I need to provide for her, too.

I am also pregnant with my first, and have no insurance :( It's been a struggle and I'm only at 6 weeks. I'm trying for medicade but last time I checked I made too much money.

I'm so behind and I'm sorry... what happened with the house?! Ugh! I need to catch up! This post really made me teary though. Thanks for being so honest about your emotions. I can tell my husband feels the same way about things sometimes, but he doesn't always speak it.

Ugh! I'm praying for your guys!!

Actually for the pregnant women program in TX the max for 2 person family is $2247. The rules for pregnant women are different and allow more assets. It wouldn't hurt to go to www.yourtexasbenefits.com and click on complete screening in the upper left side and fill it out just to see. Also, keep in mind that even if you don't qualify now, you might before Jane goes into labor. Just having the hospital covered can help. Good Luck

@hamsterkitten thanks for your post! Jane is Twittering right now and told me you had talked to her on there and said you just posted here. First, welcome to our blog and journey! :)

I appreciate your comments. I agree, picking up and moving to a state where we could qualify for Medicaid is an option, but that would really go against the embedded grains within me.

I'm a fighter. I've been knocked down pretty hard several times before and I always get back up. Sometimes it takes some time - sometimes it takes too much time. I'm being knocked down over and over lately, but I keep getting back up. I'm a fighter. Moving to a state in order for us to get Medicaid would make me feel like I'm tossing in the towel and saying to the universe that 'I give up... you win'.

Normally I'm a super motivated guy who truly believes anything is possible if you set your mind to it. I also believe in the laws of attraction - as crazy as that sounds for those who understand what that means and have been following our blog. And what's even crazier is that I've attracted much of what is going on right now into our lives subconsciously. And I know where I went wrong...

For MANY, MANY months I've had my nose to the grindstone working on and in my businesses. I spent ZERO time working on myself, my goals, improving myself, etc. I fell into the trap of listening to the media about the economy. Before I knew it, I was being programmed that "things are getting worse. Things are going to be bad". What happens if you keep hearing that over and over and not do anything to get those messages out of your head? It becomes all you think about in your subconscious. I've had many dreams of us losing our house over the last few months along with other negative dreams.

I went to bed with heavy worries instead of thinking about positive things and about how our I wanted our lives to look like.

There is a whole different side to Tarzan that I have not shown on this blog. Biggest reason is because I've been so down and the months of negativity moved me to a mindset that I haven't had in years.

I've been VERY big into self-improvement for many years. I understand how things work. I understand how I got to where I am right now. And believe it or not, I understand how to get out of it. It's going to take a TON of work.

I will get out of this situation MUCH faster if I work on myself more than I do in my business right now. Soon, once I successfully get my mindset back to where it needs to be, I'll be attracting clients, money, people, etc. back into my life. Right now I'm sending out vibrations about negativity, lack, struggle, etc. So what do you think is coming into my life? Exactly. I'm attracting negativity, the wrong people, zero clients, zero money, etc.

Starting today, I'm going to be spending 1-2 hours a day on improving myself. I'll be reading self-improvement books (I have hundreds of them) listen to audio, etc. to get my game back.

I lost myself over the last few months. It's going to take a few weeks or longer to get my game back, but once I'm there - WATCH OUT. I'll be making big stuff happen and attracting good into Jane's and my life. I'll be journaling daily about my journey back to the top (written in a journal) and sometimes I wonder if I should share that on a blog? I don't think this blog is the best place to share that journey, since we're all about pregnancy here, although by accident our personal lives in other areas wound up here as I've used this blog as an out to get my feelings into words- which has been a HUGE help.

I don't have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. I talk to Jane about it a little, but I'm very careful not to get her stressed because she's pregnant...

What do you guys think?

Should I start a new blog to document our journey to get back on our feet financially in a down economy, my self-improvement journey, etc. Or should I see if there is a way I can create a new section for it on this blog - so those posts are only seen there?

Jane and I appreciate ALL of you so much and feel so lucky to have so many readers and commenters on our blog here. Your comments, advice, etc. helps us more than you'll ever know. We really appreciate you guys. :) Just wanted to mention that because you all deserve a big "thank you" :)

@designtwit thanks for the tips! Back many years ago in my teens I stacked up a TON of credit card debt. Because of a car accident, I got a small settlement and called all of the credit card companies and offered 50% of the money I owed them to clear everything off. Most agreed. Didn't think about doing that with hospitals - but makes sense to do so. They want and need the money now. I'll def. be using that technique :) Thanks again.

@Chysi yeah, the bills are high. I may start a new page here to document how much we're spending so other soon-to-be parents have an idea of how much things are going to cost - I guess on the higher end since our bills are much higher. The fun of living in a big city :(

I wish I had some physical stress reliever ideas for you, but when all is said and done, it boils down to the stress being a conscious thing that you have to consciously push out of your mind. We often find ourselves in a financial bind and I am the bill payer, so month after month I was getting more and more depressed. Then, one day I just decided that I was no longer going to let it get me down. Life's too short and as long as I have a roof over my family's head and they have food, I can make lemonade from the lemons I'm being handed.

I'm not sure how out of the question this is as well, but if you are both self employed, why not consider moving to a state that you could get medicaid? Or a state that has a lower cost of living? Maybe some fresh air from a fresh state would be a great start to a stress free future!

hamsterkitten’s last blog post..The 7 Stages of Grief

Eeks! Those are some high doctor bills too. I thought $350 a pop was bad and $400/ultrasound were bad. My level 2 ultrasound will probably be around $600 or so. I can't remember what it was with Adia, but it won't be covered as much by our insurance because the high risk doctor isn't a preferred provider. Last time they never billed us though so maybe we'll get lucky.

Ugh, that reminds me. I still need to pay Adia's pediatric GI bill. He wasn't preferred either so we're eating 50% of that one. At least her eye doctor is.

Crysi’s last blog post..Adia Burrito

Tarzan, my husband and were in a similar situation. With my first kid I was layed off while on pregnancy leave during the dot.com crash. It was that lay -off that caused me to take up the self-employed shield and conquer online retail. This plan works great until you come up pregnant again! So, with only catastrophic coverage for both me and my self-employed husband we did the same thing: payment plan with OB. And if you keep good records and plan (start putting money in a jar NOW), be ready to reduce the bottom line you see on bills as much as 50%. SAVE every scrap of paper! Document everything! So when it comes time to pay anesthesia and all the add-on's at that time you negotiate the price down. If doctors can get money now (cash or charge it) rather than having to wait on payment they will reduce the bill as much as 50%. "I will pay the bill now if you can reduce this bill in half." Also, your credit can never be affected as long as you are making regular payments. They cannot send a collection agency after you if you pay anything on a medical bill. They may want you to pay $50 or $100 but if you only pay $20 then you are showing good faith to re-pay and they cannot do anything. Rule of thumb: all things are negotiable. Do not accept the bottom line.
Good luck. It will be worth every penny!

Hey Stacey, Yes, the TX Medicaid program does suck; they need to create a program for self-employed folks like ourselves - for sure. I hope your husband's coverage continues - try not to let those "what if's" get to you guys. Much easier said than done - I know that for sure!

As far as house - today Jane and I took a different way home to see what is going on in other neighborhoods. There is a neighborhood next to ours where just about every other house is for sale on the street - and there was a Realtor putting a sign in the yard at a house as we drove by. I've never ever seen anything like that before.

To sell our house, I'm going to have to come up with something very creative. Going through a Realtor would be pointless. It'll just sit on the MLS with all of the others in this area collecting dust for months. We shall see. And yes, it's 100% for sure that we need to sell sadly... especially being hit with another Dr. bill today and finding out that the ultrasound in 2 weeks is $900. Paid $528 today to the doctor - and paying her $528 every month as I have been the last couple of months. Plus figure in the blood test stuff which was over $350... then of course we'll have the BIG hospital bills in July - which will be in the thousands. Couple all this with little to no business and a few other things and yeah... must sell fast. :(

So if you're visiting our blog and you don't have maternity insurance like us and you earn more than the cap for Medicaid, the above gives you an idea of what your in for.

IF the Government had a program like I described above, I could be spending that money on marketing and building my business, and/or creating a new business that would bring me income. All of which would be putting money back into the economy. Even if just 1 million self-employed business owners like us opted into the Government program idea, I figure that would create around $10 Billion dollars ($10K per business in a year) of new money flowing through the economy. More jobs would be created, etc. I know for a 100% fact that I'd be creating a few jobs - or at least be employing a couple of people in a few months if I had the money above in my pocket. I've got a KILLER business idea that I've been sitting on for a few years because I was too busy with other things. And now that I have the time to put into it, the fund are going to doctors and hospitals.

Oh well. You guys see me heading towards a bottom now, but I'll be getting my footing back soon and will make a mad dash this year to get back on top.

Now THAT is a journey that I'm excited about sharing. Although... I don't think that I'll be posting about that here - may have to start another blog for that journey! :)

Wow, the Texas Medicaid program seriously sucks! I checked Georgia just out of curiosity and your income has to fall below $2862 to qualify for a family of 3 (Jane counts as 2 while she's pregnant). I'm self employed as well so I feel your pain with taxes, etc. There's definite upsides to being self employed but the government certainly doesn't make it easy. My husband is temporarily medically retired from the military right now and comes up for reevaluation in May - we'll find out then whether our coverage continues or not. There's no reason it shouldn't since his condition hasn't changed but its no fun dealing with the "what ifs" in the meantime.

I hope your house sells quickly if that is what it comes down to.

Hey Crysi,

You know, with so much going on I have not called our insurance to find out what they cover for a baby. Thanks for reminding me about that - I'll be calling them to find out what their deal is. Hopefully I get a break somewhere here :)

Ugh, I'm sorry. That seriously sucks. Course, my sister just went back to work and her 3 daughters lost their health insurance because of it, along with their food stamps. Her husband is a logger and only works periodically. It definitely doesn't seem fair at all.

We wouldn't qualify in Texas either. Once the twins are here, we'll qualify for food stamps and WIC. I don't think we'll apply for it unless breastfeeding doesn't work out. $200/month on formula is just too much though.

Does your insurance cover well baby exams? I certainly hope so. Those can be a fortune in themselves. Once again, we got lucky. Ours covers all well baby and vaccines, including flu shots. I still remember seeing the insurance bill after Adia had her first round of shots, over $400! Then there's always the "if I have a boy, and we circumsize, does my insurance cover that?"

Crysi’s last blog post..Sunny Days

Hey Crysi,

Jane and I are packing our bags and moving to Oregon!

Must be nice to have Medicaid where any woman will qualify if she is pregnant with no income restrictions.

Jane just made MANY, MANY phone calls - there is nothing available to us.

There is no choice - we have to pay 100% of each and every bill that comes in.

The system is VERY flawed. We'll see how the Obama Administration is about checking their emails. I modified the above (a LOT) and submitted it to the Government website set up to submit your ideas to. Wonder if those ever get read?

With an economy like this, I hope each and every single idea is read - even if a 6 year-old submitted it.

Man... being self-employed has a lot of great benefits, but you are totally shafted and left to suffer when your business goes down with the economy.

@Donna, thanks for your comment and prayers. You make a very good point saying that instead of dwelling on how bad the economy is, you and your husband are focusing on how you can do little things to help others. I completely believe in "give and you shall receive" and I've been working so much that I haven't had the opportunity to give back. Helping others who need it gives you a great feeling of accomplishment, worth, etc. and takes a lot of the stress away. This is something I need to talk to Jane about - even if we take just one day out of the week to volunteer, I think that would really help our spirits. Awhile back we had enrolled into a volunteer program at a local hospital.

@Stacey thanks. Although income has taken several major hits, we're still FAR, FAR above the income cap for Medicaid. The healthcare system in the US is TOTALLY messed up and I can't believe people still allow this to happen. Look at this info:

• Texas Medicaid income cap for poor parents has not been increased by our Legislature for 20 years. 

• Working poor parents in Texas can get Medicaid now ONLY if they earn less than the legislatively-imposed income cap of $188 per month for a family of 3 ($308 if one parent is working). 

• This fixed dollar amount cap, does not increase from year to year with inflation.  In 2006 this income cap denies Medicaid to parents with incomes above 13.6% of the federal poverty income. 

• Forces poor parents with high medical needs to choose between work and health care; 15 hours of work per week at minimum wage ($5.15 per hour) makes them “too well off” to get Medicaid.

So, Jane and I both earn much more than $188 per month, so Medicaid is totally out of the question.

However, if both Jane and I decided to stop working completely and cut everything off so our income is zero, we could then live off the government, have all our bills paid, not have to pay one penny to have a baby, not have to pay for food, housing, etc. etc. and sit there and watch TV all day.

What the hell is wrong with this picture?

We're two hard-working self-employed people who pay a ton in taxes which in turn go to those who do not work. Now don't get me wrong here. I 100% believe in Medicaid and what it can do for someone who truly needs it. I had a very, very close family member on it and without Medicaid, I don't know what would have happened... so please understand I do believe it is good and needed.. IF people don't take advantage of the system.

However, the way that it is set up nearly forces some people to choose either health care or work, as mentioned in the bullet points above. For those who have medical needs, they obviously have to choose the health care. And who would blame them? That's the way the system is set up - no wonder why many people are saying that a healthcare meltdown is right around the corner.

I'm not one to take something for nothing - ever. What should be in place is a plan for people like Jane and I who are hard working people who pay our taxes and are having a tough time right now is a type of government sponsored health care loan for self-employed folks (and variations thereof for non-self-employed people)

My idea would work something like this...

We will out an application, they approve it, and all of the hospital bills are sent to and paid by this... I'll call it "the self-employed bailout". On the application we sign that we will pay 100% of it back - PLUS interest, maybe around 5%. They make it a 5 to 10 year loan that can be paid off early with no penalties.

The Government would make and save lot of money this way - plus they'd be helping those who really need it and those who will get back on their feet financially. Being self-employed often means some bumps in the road, but also the potential for some home runs over time. So a little help now would go a long way. We'd be able to get back on our feet faster, work harder, make more money, which in turn means more tax dollars for the Government.

Forget bailing out all of these large companies with trillions of dollars that will take 18-24 months for the general public to see any real benefits from. Bail out the small business owners and those who got laid off who are trying to find work. That will end up having the largest payback in the long run and would play a big roll in getting the economy going again.

I'm far from an economist, but I don't understand why they make things so hard for people who are more than willing to work and are able to work. There are several things they have backwards here. PLUS my little bailout plan above would help the healthcare industry big time. Instead of allowing people to pay what they can every month, they get the money in full from the Government - and the Government gets the money back plus interest. They could easily secure the loans by putting a lien on your home. I would have no problem with that.

Sorry for my rant - but the way this system is set up REALLY irks me - especially when I can think of several solutions that would make sense for everyone. Drives me crazy, you know? Small business makes up most of the economy. We're the people taking the biggest hit right now. We're the people who would be more than willing to pay every dollar back. We're the people who wouldn't use bailout money to give ourselves $10,000,000 bonuses because we think we deserve it. We're the people that don't want something for nothing.

OK, I'll get off of my soapbox now.

I'd seriously look into medicaid. In Oregon, any pregnant woman qualifies if she doesn't have maternity insurance. They pretty much cover everything. Some times I wish we didn't have maternity coverage because the 10-15% we have to pay for every dr visit, ultrasound and lab test is brutal. Don't even get me started on the hospital and possible aftercare for twins. It's going to be bad for us.

I feel ya on the living situation too. We're in a 2 bedroom apartment that's already overflowing with Adia's stuff. How in the world are we supposed to fit 2 more babies in here? Not to mention needed to buy a new car because we can't fit 3 car seats across the back of our Subaru, which is paid off by the way. So car payments, doctor bills, moving expenses, diapers x 2, possible formula x2 if it's a repeat of breastfeeding Adia and only one income. Stress stress stress.

This made me sad to read this. I'm glad to hear you are ok and it was only gas and not something far more serious. You've probably already checked into this but I figured I would mention it on the off chance that you haven't....have you looked into Medicaid? If you fall below the income levels, it will cover Jane during the pregnancy and for six weeks postpartum. The baby can also continued to be covered. I don't know all of the details but its worth a shot, especially if your income took a big hit in 2008.

I don't know if you are a praying man or not but I will be praying for you and reading your blog as you continue on your journey to fatherhood. I am a mother of three and when we had our first my husband had just been laid off and started selling cars. Talk about scary. We had no insurance and well when I married him I was planning on marrying a car sells man. The funny thing is he is still in the car business after thirteen years and I couldn't imagine life any other way (although the econmy is a bit scary) but we don't dwell on that, instead we are focusing on how we can do little things in our days to help others. Life is difficult and the roads we take often does not end up the way we want but I do know that even in this time of uncertianty and extreme stress you are not alone.