Ugh! I’m praying for your guys!!

I appreciate your comments. I agree, picking up and moving to a state where we could qualify for Medicaid is an option, but that would really go against the embedded grains within me.

I’m a fighter. I’ve been knocked down pretty hard several times before and I always get back up. Sometimes it takes some time – sometimes it takes too much time. I’m being knocked down over and over lately, but I keep getting back up. I’m a fighter. Moving to a state in order for us to get Medicaid would make me feel like I’m tossing in the towel and saying to the universe that ‘I give up… you win’.

Normally I’m a super motivated guy who truly believes anything is possible if you set your mind to it. I also believe in the laws of attraction – as crazy as that sounds for those who understand what that means and have been following our blog. And what’s even crazier is that I’ve attracted much of what is going on right now into our lives subconsciously. And I know where I went wrong…

For MANY, MANY months I’ve had my nose to the grindstone working on and in my businesses. I spent ZERO time working on myself, my goals, improving myself, etc. I fell into the trap of listening to the media about the economy. Before I knew it, I was being programmed that “things are getting worse. Things are going to be bad”. What happens if you keep hearing that over and over and not do anything to get those messages out of your head? It becomes all you think about in your subconscious. I’ve had many dreams of us losing our house over the last few months along with other negative dreams.

I went to bed with heavy worries instead of thinking about positive things and about how our I wanted our lives to look like.

There is a whole different side to Tarzan that I have not shown on this blog. Biggest reason is because I’ve been so down and the months of negativity moved me to a mindset that I haven’t had in years.

I’ve been VERY big into self-improvement for many years. I understand how things work. I understand how I got to where I am right now. And believe it or not, I understand how to get out of it. It’s going to take a TON of work.

I will get out of this situation MUCH faster if I work on myself more than I do in my business right now. Soon, once I successfully get my mindset back to where it needs to be, I’ll be attracting clients, money, people, etc. back into my life. Right now I’m sending out vibrations about negativity, lack, struggle, etc. So what do you think is coming into my life? Exactly. I’m attracting negativity, the wrong people, zero clients, zero money, etc.

Starting today, I’m going to be spending 1-2 hours a day on improving myself. I’ll be reading self-improvement books (I have hundreds of them) listen to audio, etc. to get my game back.

I lost myself over the last few months. It’s going to take a few weeks or longer to get my game back, but once I’m there – WATCH OUT. I’ll be making big stuff happen and attracting good into Jane’s and my life. I’ll be journaling daily about my journey back to the top (written in a journal) and sometimes I wonder if I should share that on a blog? I don’t think this blog is the best place to share that journey, since we’re all about pregnancy here, although by accident our personal lives in other areas wound up here as I’ve used this blog as an out to get my feelings into words- which has been a HUGE help.

I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. I talk to Jane about it a little, but I’m very careful not to get her stressed because she’s pregnant…

What do you guys think?

Should I start a new blog to document our journey to get back on our feet financially in a down economy, my self-improvement journey, etc. Or should I see if there is a way I can create a new section for it on this blog – so those posts are only seen there?

Jane and I appreciate ALL of you so much and feel so lucky to have so many readers and commenters on our blog here. Your comments, advice, etc. helps us more than you’ll ever know. We really appreciate you guys. Just wanted to mention that because you all deserve a big “thank you”

@Chysi yeah, the bills are high. I may start a new page here to document how much we’re spending so other soon-to-be parents have an idea of how much things are going to cost – I guess on the higher end since our bills are much higher. The fun of living in a big city

I’m not sure how out of the question this is as well, but if you are both self employed, why not consider moving to a state that you could get medicaid? Or a state that has a lower cost of living? Maybe some fresh air from a fresh state would be a great start to a stress free future!

hamsterkitten’s last blog post..The 7 Stages of Grief

Ugh, that reminds me. I still need to pay Adia’s pediatric GI bill. He wasn’t preferred either so we’re eating 50% of that one. At least her eye doctor is.

Crysi’s last blog post..Adia Burrito