“Daddy, come play!”  The three simple words that I hear more times than I can count throughout the day.  And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Sure, working from home isn’t always easy.  If I step out of my office to grab a bite to eat, get some water, etc. and I’m seen by Monkey, I more often than not have a Monkey hanging from my leg.

Although I believe he understands that “Daddy has to work”, I know he doesn’t like to hear that because that means I can’t play with him at that very moment.  But overall, we have such an incredible son. We’re lucky and fortunate that he’s slept through the night every single night for more than a year or year and 1/2 now.  He only got up 2 or 3 times, which was when he was sick to throw up in the bed.  Yuck.  So when Jane puts him down to sleep around 6:30 or 7:00 PM, he’s out until 6:00 to 7:00 AM.  Believe me, we know that this is not the norm – and we know that we’re very lucky!

More and more I’m seeing Monkey grow up.  I’m trying to soak in each and every moment that I have with him.  He’s such a sweet little boy.  Yesterday while playing trucks with him, he gave me no less than a dozen hugs and kisses randomly while we’re played and he told me a few times, “I love you, Daddy”.  I was also told, “you’re cute”.  lol

I know that this phase will not last forever.  And I do all that I can to ‘slow down time’ and be fully in the moment when we’re playing together everyday.  And frankly, I wouldn’t want this phase to last forever.  Monkey coming home from high school with his friends kissing me and hugging me and telling me he loves me and that I’m cute would beyond cross the line on many levels!

And you know, we’re like every other parent out there.  We think Monkey is the smartest little guy out there.  From being able to count to 14 (sometimes higher, but often 14 is followed by 14… 14…. 14… lol) to doing a great job with his ABC’s, knowing dozens of animals and the sounds they make, remembering the name of dozens of toys (blows my mind), and countless other signs of an incredible memory and intelligence.  We’ve got one smart kid on our hands.  (He must take after Jane.)  lol

But you know, I never want to be ‘that parent’.  Sure, I’ll puff my chest out on our blog here and brag about out little Monkey, just as any mommy/daddy blogger does.  I think it’s a good thing.  It means we’re proud and love our Monkey more than anything in the world.  But what neither Jane nor I do is be one of those parents who always seems to compare their kid with others or whenever you see them you know the dreaded, “You’re not going to believe what so-and-so is already doing”.  We know a few mom’s and dad’s who feel the need to compare their kids with yours, make sure you know exactly where they are at in their development cycle, and really annoy the hell out of you when you see them.

At Monkey’s school, there are several mom’s like that.  Even though our little Monkey was one of two of about 10 or so kids in his class (puffing my chest out) as one who would be able to handle playing sports with kids older than him (I’m talking kick-ball, soccer, and other 2-3 year old sports here), not one other parent knows about that besides us.  We just don’t feel the need to broadcast.  But I know for a 100% fact that if some of the other kids were chosen, we’d see their mom’s show up with banners and who knows what else to make the world known.

His teachers adore him and have told Jane on multiple occasions how great he’s doing.  I’ve gone to pick him up at school a few times and it was hard to actually leave because the teachers kept talking to him, giving him hugs, eating him up – and he loves every minute of it! lol

We don’t believe Monkey is better than anyone else.  Sure, he may be further along some of the developmental stages than others, but all kids develop at their own pace.  There are some further along than him in areas.  It’s just how it is – and I think some parents forget that.  For the last year or so when we’re around other parents, Monkey will do or say something around other Mom’s and they’d look shocked and say, “Wow, he’s already doing XYZ?  That’s amazing” or whatever.  We shrug it off around other people (sure, it makes us feel good!) but of course we praise him and tell him he’s such a good and smart boy 1,000,000 times at home followed by tons of hugs and kisses.

And of course, we’re just like other parents when it comes to seeing other kids do something. We say the same thing, “Wow, so-and-so is doing that already!?” when we see kids around Monkey’s age doing something that he’s not doing yet, like riding a bike.  Monkey isn’t quite there yet and would rather walk his bike than ride it… but he’ll get there.

Now as far as Monkey listening to us – we’re in a good place.  There was awhile back when he went into timeout a few times a day because he wouldn’t listen to us.  But now all we have to do is warn him that he’ll go into timeout if he doesn’t stop doing whatever he’s doing.  But most of the time it doesn’t go that far.  We just tell him to stop and for the most part, he listens.  It’s been a good 3-4 months or longer since I’ve had to pull out the timeout card and it’s probably been that long with Jane, too.  He listens to us well 95% of the time – except when he doesn’t have a nap and he’s tired and cranky around dinner time.  Then all hell breaks loose and Jane and I are running around the house frazzled, stressed-out, and pulling each others hair out!  And I know that’s just a part of growing up – kids won’t always listen and they’ll always test their boundaries.

Anyway, being a dad just keeps getting better and better each and every day.  He loves his time with Daddy and will often tell Mommy to go in the other room if he and I are playing in his toy room and she comes in to tell me something.  lol  And I love my time with him.  It just keeps getting better and better as he is able to talk and express himself more.  It’s also getting more and more fun as we play with more and more toys.  Playing and racing cars all the time is a blast!  I’m just a big kid at heart.

I never thought being a Dad was like ‘this”.  And ‘this” is not something that I can easily put into words.  It just takes over you.  It’s awesome and amazing.

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2. Postpartum blues, help with breastfeeding, and ramblings from an overtired Daddy. I’ve got a lot to cover and have breastfeeding questions...
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This is just a quick post to say Happy New Year to everyone.  The Holidays got us way off track with family in town, us going out of town, this, that, and everything else.  So sorry we have been a bit quiet lately.

But everything is good.  Jane is good.  Monkey is good.  I’m good.

We hope everything is good for all of you.

So yeah.  Jane and I have totally sucked at writing the frequency of blog posts like we used to.  But for good reason: Time.  It’s AMAZING how much your life changes after your little one is born.  And it’s AMAZING how fast time goes.  A week is nothing.  A month is a speed bump.  And a year?  Was that just 2011 that flew by?  So many things change.  From priorities all the way to drinking habits. (Wine at night makes us feel alright after a tough day with Monkey.)

Anyway, just wanted to say hello to all of you and hope that you and all of your Monkey’s are doing great!

Tarzan

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You don’t know what responsibility is… when you’re 7 years-old and get your first puppy that you promised to take care of.

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My heart smiled tonight.  The kind of smile that warms your whole body and washes away all stress, all worry.  I was upstairs in my office and I heard some commotion, Monkey jabbering away, and things banging around.

I walked downstairs and saw Jane sitting on the couch.  She looked up at me and I asked where Monkey was.  Then I heard him talking his Monkey talk, yelling, and having a good-ole-time throwing balls and trucks around in his room.

Monkey was in his room playing by himself and REALLY enjoying himself.  I peeked in and watched him play – and my heart smiled.  I looked over at Jane and said, “I really love hearing him play”.

It’s such a simple little thing, but for some reason it just hit me tonight.  Our little Monkey just rocks and he is what brings Jane and I so much joy at times where there are only a few glimmers or sparkles of hope.

Today Monkey and I played ball in the backyard for a good 30 minutes.  We played a few games that Monkey likes to call:

Watch Daddy Kick The Ball And I’ll Go Get It

I’ll Run With The Ball While Daddy Chases Me

I’ll Try To Kick The Ball, But Get Tripped Up And Fall Over

Daddy Chases Me, He Put The Wrong Shoes On Me, One Keeps Falling Off, I Keep Tripping, Daddy Puts Shoe Back On Me

Hear Daddy Say No 30 Times When I Tried To Pick A Mushroom Growing On The Side Of The Fence

Watch Daddy Kick The Ball Over The Fence By Mistake.  The Was The End Of The Ball Games

Pick Up What I Thought Was A Rock. Daddy Ran Over And Said Eeeew.  He Carried Me In, Washed My Hands, And Said Something About Not Touching Doggie Doo – Whatever That Is

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This damn economy has really messed things up for many people I know.  Lost jobs.  Divorces.  Lost cars.  Lost houses.  Lost clients.  Lost emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Lost businesses.  Lost careers.  Lost friends.  And besides the list of the lost, the list of failures is twice as long.

And I’m no different from the rest of them.  I’ve lost a lot and have failed many times over the past few years as this economy put our businesses and lives into a tailspin.  Sure, there are the up and downs, but the ups are no where near as high as they used to be.

We didn’t know how good we had it.

Life has become more complicated and difficult.  The care-free lifestyle we once lived is all but a distant memory.  The ideas and plans for the future often feel more like a daydream than a solid plan to go after.  And time itself has become the most precious asset we have – one that no matter what you do to hold onto it, it keeps slipping away.

The more you try and make time, it seems, the more things come up.  Things that seem important at the time, but in the whole scheme of things, probably doesn’t really matter.

You can only fight for so long.  Soon, the focus gives in to distractions.  Distractions lead to questioning oneself.  And questioning oneself can lead to anything from defining moments to poor, regrettable decisions.

My personal battle is no different than others I know.  We’re all struggling out here.  And as men, we are doing whatever we can do to make things happen in our lives and careers to provide a better life for our family.

The days of the husband working the “9 to 5″ to support his family while the wife stays home to raise the children have all but become a story of the past for most.  For some, it’s all but a fantasy world seen on old television shows.

For those who work for themselves, trying to support their family, provide a good live, and attempt to have balance, is living on a teeter-totter that moves and sways easily with the wind.  One day all is well and the next it’s near disaster.

For me, time itself has become the enemy.  It’s not so much how the economy has slowed down business.  It’s not so much that I’ve had more back-to-back-to-back business failures over the past couple of years.  And it’s not so much that often times the month-to-month living tears me up inside, it’s the fact that it’s time that I’m fighting.

I am failing.  I am failing at each and every category of life that matters the most: health, family, faith, relationships, financial, self.  I try to rationalize and accept that I’m not the only one.  That most businessmen who are in my line of work – and in many other lines of work are going through the same struggles.  We’re all battling the same inner daemons when our heads finally hit the pillow for the night.

Life has become a battle; and the world has become my battlefield.  And the biggest battle of them all – the one that causes my eyes to swell up in tears the moment I allow a single thought enter my mind is my family.  I’m failing in a big way; I know it.  Failing as a father.  Failing as a husband.  And the one thing that is causing this failure is time myself.

I’ve found myself jealous of people I once never wanted to trade places with.  Fathers with normal jobs that provide them with the opportunity to leave for work in the morning and come home at a decent hour – and not have to touch work, think about work, or do work at home.  They can spend all of their time with their family.

Now granted, when talking to people, at least the people I’ve talked to, the above has also changed some over the years.  Employers have become more demanding, jobs have become more competitive, and more than ever it seems that when people get home from work, a lot of work will come home with them.  Meaning, they continue to work at home to make sure they get things done and keep their employer happy.

But, I do see some families in our neighborhood where the father is home by 5:30 and I hear or see the dad outside playing with his kids until it gets dark – or even after dark.  I’ve become jealous of those people.  I want that time with my son.  I want that time with my wife.

And believe me, I understand.  For those who do not know the details of our situation, my business, life, etc. it seems the answer is to just “make more time”.  Or, “don’t work as much”.  For those fathers and husbands who are in the same sinking boat I’m in know what I’m talking about when I say, “there is just no more time to carve out”.

Life has become complicated.  Monkey is the best thing that has happened to me.  And my goal in life is to ensure Monkey and Jane are happy.  I’ve really pushed my dreams, goals, and ambitions to the side indefinitely to focus on what needs to be done to provide happiness.  However, in this pursuit of happiness, the complete opposite has been attracted.

I’m failing as a father because I’m far from happy with the amount of time I have to spend with my family.  And I’m very, very well aware of how happy Jane is about this.  I’m reminded often.  And it kills me beyond comprehension.

I’m failing as a husband because all focus has been trying to keep our family afloat, keep Jane at home with Monkey, and trying to figure out how to get by.

The entire livelihood of my family rests on my shoulders; and it’s magnified to levels beyond comprehension when you have a child.

When you teeter towards complete financial ruin one month and the next month you’re doing OK, and this goes on for months, even for over two and a half years straight, it wears on  you.

It is incredibly difficult to be an independent business owner, and a one income family in this economy.  In the 50′s you could live a great life with just the father working and the wife staying at home.  But it takes an incredible effort in order to provide the income to support two car payments, house payments, bills, groceries, and life’s normal expenses.

Forget about saving; it’s all about surviving.

The choices I’m making today is in some respects shaping our tomorrow.  I have been battling for more time than I’d care to admit to get us out of this rut life has thrown at us.  I’m constantly battling thoughts and feelings that are, well, not so good.

But I have had to make incredibly difficult choices over the last couple of years.  I’ve had to choose either more time with my family or work in order to ensure there is a roof over our heads and food on the table.

I rationalize with myself that it’s only a matter of time before things really start taking off for me – and I’m able to dramatically scale back the amount of time that I work – and put it 100% into: family, health, spiritual, and financial.

And I rationalize that now is the time that I have to do it because Monkey is very young, and won’t recall the “tough times” as he was only one or two.  But I miss him so much my heart hurts.  It kills me that I work so hard, so much, for so long, and often have very little to show for it.  It kills me that his father, who once was a very confident man, who had succeeded in many areas in life at an early age, has lost most, if not all confidence in himself.

I want so much for Monkey to look up at me and be proud of his Daddy.  To know that given all of the odds against me, I came out ahead – and it was solely for him and his mommy.  But now, in the limited time that I have with him, I find myself saying, “I’m sorry buddy.  I’m doing everything I can to provide a good life for you and Mommy, but I’m failing.  I’m failing as a husband.  I’m failing as a father to you.  I hope someday you will forgive me and know that I’m doing everything I can for you and your Mommy.  I wish that I could play with you all day.  I wish we could go places.  I wish so much for you; for all of us.  No matter what happens, always know that I’ve given it my all.”

And I am.  I don’t go out.  I’ve become a loner in the respect that I really don’t have any close friends – at all.  I have “friends” that I work with, but those relationships are on a business level.  In order to make friends and keep friendships alive, you have to invest time into them, just like anything else in life.  I’ve made conscious to stay focused on work.  I’ve had multiple opportunities to go out with “the guys”, fathers of Jane’s friends in their circle of moms.  But I always come up with an excuse why I can’t go.

While they are out doing the ‘guy things’ that I miss, I’m at home working away.  And I don’t work in my home office any longer.  I now work out of the only room in the house that provides me with some comfort, Monkey’s room.

In this room, we have his name on the wall and many pictures of our little guy.  When I’m having a really tough day mentally or emotionally, I just look over at the pictures to remind myself why I have to keep pushing forward – no matter what time it is – no matter how I feel.

It’s such a strange feeling, really.

To be doing everything in your power to succeed in family life and business life, and know you are failing miserably, stirs up some very serious emotions.  I’m thankful that I spent some time in my life on self improvement, which has at least given me the skills to block thoughts and emotions that come to the surface, but it’s still some serious stuff.

I can’t imagine a father who is going through what I’m going though, at any level, dealing with the self-talk who does not have the mental capacity or training on how to silence the thoughts that try to break through on a day-to-day basis.  Things like, “you’re worthless”, “you’re a failure”, “they would be better without you”, “you’ll never make it”, “you’re not going to succeed”, “you failed”, “you are failing as a father”, “you are failing as a husband”, “you are failing at life”, “you screwed everything up”, “you’re no good”, “no wonder you don’t have any friends”, “give up”, “stop trying”, “you’re not worth it”, and countless other poisonous self-talk that the mind for some reason tries to get you to believe.

If they call that an “internal battle”, I’ve been in an all-out war the past couple of years.

In the quest to make things happen business-wise with the hopes and dreams of having a satisfying amount of free time for family life, I’ve lost myself.  I’ve watched myself slowly transform to a person who was self-confident to a person full of self-doubt.  From a happy person to a sad and angry person.  From satisfied with life to unfulfilled.

Anger has become a more prevalent emotion. Angry with the situation we’re in.  Angry with the economy.  Angry with past business partners.  Angry with old friends.  But mostly, angry with myself.

Stepping back, I can understand that very, very few people will actually understand what I’m going through.  Very, very few people have worked as hard as I’ve worked over the past few years.  Very few people know what it’s like to completely give up everything – everything in the pursuit of a somewhat normal life.

The pursuit or normalcy or even happiness has thus far provided any real results.  And my own internal and external battles have made their way into our home.

What Jane has been through during this is nothing short of hell on many levels.  I can understand why she gets upset at me easily.  I can understand why she sometimes says the things that she does, not meant to hurt me, but often hurts me to the core.  And I can understand all of that.  And it hurts me so much that I’ve not been able to create the time needed for us and for our family.

Jane is a strong person; she has demonstrated that multiple times over the years.  But everyone has their limits.  I know how much all of this has strained our relationship.  And I know many people who would have called it quits as far as their relationship goes a long time ago if faced with this situation.

So I do have things that I’m grateful for in all of this.  I know through all of the reading and training I went through over the years to focus only on the good when things are bad.  To find the silver lining.  I know that thinking has it’s limits and can only go so far, but I do think of the good that I have in an effort to stay as level-headed as I can during this crazy time in my life.

I’m grateful for the fact that Jane is still here.  Many woman would have walked out the front door a long time ago.  And Jane has stuck by my side through all of this.  Granted, I’m sure she can’t help but have the thoughts to walk out at times.  Anyone faced with what we’ve been going through would in their right mind.  After all, she wants to be happy, too.  So I’m grateful that she’s still here – also holding onto the same dream that I have, to get things going so I can spend more time with her, work on our relationship, and be a “family”.

And I’m grateful that Monkey is the age that he is at.  He is too young to understand what is going on.  He’s too young to realize that I’m upstairs working almost all the time.  He’s too young to understand the limited amounts of time that I do spend with him are the absolute highlights of my life – and many times, the only thing that keeps me going and pushing forward.

God.  When I come downstairs to get some water or food and he sees me and runs over saying, “Dat-eee!” “Dat-eee!”  It nearly tears me apart.

It’s one thing to be a father or a husband who is failing and know he’s failing.  But it’s another thing to be a father or husband who is failing and is clueless about it.

There are a ton of fathers and husbands that go out drinking with their friends too much and don’t spend enough time with their wife.  Guys who sit at home and watch TV all night, rather than sitting down and playing with their kids.  Guys who have jobs that allow them to get home from work at a decent hour and choose to do non-work related things rather than spend time with their family.  Guys that sit there and play video games all day instead of helping their wife clean the house, or going outside to play with their son/daughter.

When you’re failing and you don’t realize or accept the fact that you are failing, that’s a whole different problem all together.

But when you are failing as a father, a husband, or both, and you realize you are failing, it takes things to a whole new level.  When you know the causes of it, what it’s doing to your family, what needs to be done to correct it, and no matter how many attempts you make to correct the course you’re on also fail, that does one hell of a number on your confidence, let me tell you.

I’ve known that I’ve been failing for the last 2 and 1/2 years or so.  And I’ve done everything in my power in an attempt to correct the direction everything is headed in.  It drives me crazy at times.  Here I am, a guy that has a good heart.  I don’t go out drinking.  I don’t watch any TV.  I don’t do anything that doesn’t provide the opportunity for me to move forward and get out of this mess.

Can you imagine spending 2 and 1/2 years working 7 days a week?  And out of those 7 days, you’re working anywhere from 14 to 18 of those hours?  Granted, I have been able to take time off here and there to do some things with Monkey and Jane – but I’m sure it’s about 5% of the time that a “normal” husband or father spends.  But I’m driving myself crazy.

I have such a clear vision of the man I want to be.  I’m very familiar with affirmations, the power of visualization, the laws of attraction, successful thinking, meditation, self-talk, personal development, self-hypnosis, and the list goes on and on.  I get it.  When I have a spare second in the day, I just close my eyes and imagine my ideal life, and what it looks like.

And the man who I want to become compared to the man who I am today is not only in two different worlds, but the vision seems to be getting further and further away.  I understand the mindset needed to become successful in all areas of life.  And I understand what it takes to create the life you want to live.  And I understand that there will be bumps in the road.  I get that.  I’ve been though the drill many times over the years.

But the road that we were traveling on had a huge hole – and I fell in.  I’m looking up and can barely see sunlight.  There’s nothing to grab onto to climb out.  I’ve tried everything – and will continue to keep trying.

I just don’t want my life to be like this.  Jane deserves better.  Monkey deserves better.  I deserve better.  And as much as I cannot bare to think of another month of this craziness, the reality of no end in sight is the toughest pill I’ve ever had to swallow.

Personally, I don’t know many (if any) people that would push this hard for so long.  Most (if not all) people would have given up on their dreams a long time ago.  But I’m cut from a different cloth – and this has driven me crazy before.

Several years ago, before Jane and Monkey were in the picture, I was having some tough times in life.  I was bouncing around job-to-job and felt unfulfilled with life.  I walked out of every job that I had because I just couldn’t stand it any longer.  And it bothered me so much that I wasn’t like any of my friends at the time – people who were happy with the 9 to 5.  People who lived for the weekend.  People who got home from work, watched TV all night, and went to bed.

That’s how my friends lived.  That’s how 99% of the USA lives.  But I was always different.  I’d get home from work and read books and courses on all sorts of different business-related, self-improvement things.  I’d get out of work at say 5:00 and while everyone else would go home, turn on the tube, and chill for the night, I’d be learning about something.  I’d spend 8 hours at work, at a job I hated, feeling no satisfaction, hating the fact that I worked for someone – someone who controlled my destiny.  I’d then come home and spend just as many hours (or more) trying to figure out ways I could get out of the whole “working for someone else world”.

It drove me crazy.  I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t be just like everyone else.  Happy with their job.  Happy where things were at.  Happy with living just like everyone else.  Happy with just making it by.  Happy with living month-to-month.  Happy with the status-quo.  Happy with themselves.  Happy with their career.  Etc.  What was that thing inside of me that kept me awake at night?  What was that thing inside of me that kept pushing me forward?  What was that thing inside of me that none of my friends had?  What was it that drove me to want more out of life?

Well, after many struggles, learning curves, and hard work, it finally paid off.  I did it.  I broke away from being stuck and created one heck of a life for myself.  It was beyond what any of my friends at the time could comprehend.  I became a different person.  I was confident.  I was successful.  I was somewhat “well known” in the business/industry I was in.  I was in magazines.

I would show my friends what I was doing and what I was accomplishing, and they were happy for me, but things got weird.  I broke free from the chains that were holding all of us back – and it scared them.  Over time, those friendships began to fade as the things that kept us together slowly faded as a part of my life.  The whole live for the weekend mentality faded from me.  I no longer had interest in partying on the weekends, working all work, partying on the weekend, and repeat this same process over and over and over.

And as the things we had in common faded away from who I was, my friendships with these people faded as well.  I no longer had interest in doing the things we all once did.  I no longer had interest in talking about the things we always talked about.  I changed.  I became a better person.  And it disconnected me from those people.  Soon, I found like-minded people.  People who wanted more out of life.  People who were really making things happen.  People who were successful.  People who had the ultimate balance in life.  They could do what they wanted, when they wanted, and had the perfect balance between work, family, religion, and financial.

They spent a lot of time with their family.  Provided great lives for their families.  It was a world that I had always known existed, and had finally found my way in.

When Jane and I met, life was different.  For years we lived a life most wouldn’t believe.  We did things that most never get a chance to do.  And I had all the time in the world to spend with her.  And I did.

Then, a few years ago, the economy began to go downhill.  The dominos began to fall – and I did everything in my power to attempt to stop the chain reaction unfolding before me.  Businesses began to fail.  Many of the clients I had went belly-up, or completely changed their business model to adapt to the new economy – which put me out of business.

I did all I could to adapt to the changes, but I was just one step behind the tidal wave that was ravishing my business; and now my life.  Over the last three years, I’ve lost dozens of clients.  Have more than a dozen failed businesses under my belt.  Had multiple friendships go to the waste side due to the pressure they were feeling with the economic climate, they all made bad decisions that ruined our businesses and friendships.  And I have dozens more failures over the past three years on top of all of the above.

Now I don’t care to count, but I’m guessing that I’ve had 30 or more failures over the last 3 years.  Now sure, some things worked for a little while, then stopped working, so I stopped going in that direction.  Now I have new things going on, some hopeful, some my fingers are crossed with, and one that has the potential to get us out of this mess – and that’s the one that I spend 95% of my time on.  It has a shot at turning this situation around on every level and enable me to begin to step into the “father” and “husband” shoes that I’m working so hard to get on.

I guess this post is part venting, part self-exploration one would do in a journal.  I debated on posting this on our blog, since our blog is a pregnancy and baby blog, but has recently drifted to more of a “life as parents” blog at times it seems.  I figured I’d post this because who knows, there may be other fathers faced with the same issues I’m battling.  And it’s nice to know that you’re not alone.

Because going through this is extremely lonely.  I talk to Jane about some of the things going on, but I don’t go into all of the details about my worries, fears, thoughts, etc. because I’d much rather continue carrying this massive weight on my own than have her worry.  I want Jane to be happy and spend as much time as she can with Monkey and I do my best to keep things at bay.  There’s no need for us to both be stressed out over this.

For the long-time readers of this blog, you know that back a couple of years ago I had a ton of strange things going on health-wise.  After so many tests, doctors, machines, and you name it for months, it was determined that everything I was experiencing was stress related.  As soon as they told me that, I began to work on how I internalized things going on in the world around me to keep my internal stress levels down.

Now the stress levels is completely mental and I do my best not to internalize that stress – which then goes to the gut and causes many crazy health issues.  So as crazy as it sounds, I’ve learned to keep the stress upstairs in my mind, and not let it go into my body.  A strange skill to have, I know.

So where I go from here is unknown.  I have a lot of thinking to do.  And at the same time, I have a massive workload of things that I need to do to keep pushing forward.

Now before I end, I know the comments are coming like, “why don’t you just give up on everything you are doing and just get a job like everyone else?”

That one I want to address here because I know some of you are wondering this.  Well, this is something I battle DAILY.  I sometimes look at jobs posted on various sites, thinking about applying for them.  But I have a massive disadvantage.  I do not have a college degree.  I have real-world experience that I paid MANY times over what a college degree when you factor in what I know, what I learned, and the amount of courses and seminars purchased over the years.

So the “job” I’d be able to land would put us in the paycheck-to-paycheck world of living.  We’d move to a small 2-bedroom apartment.  I’d be a 9-5 guy.  I’d give up on all of my dreams.  I’d give up on my vision of the man who I want to become for my son and my wife.  And most importantly, I’d be giving up on myself.

Believe me, I fight this battle internally DAILY.  I’m constantly weighing the pros and cons.  Do I get a job where we’re just barely getting by, have nothing left over to save for our future or Monkey’s future, but have more time to spend with Jane and Monkey?  Or do I keep pushing forward, knowing that the rewards will come – but it’s just a matter of when.  I know mentally, I cannot stay on this path for much longer.  How in the hell I’ve been able to keep this pace up for 3 or so years is beyond me.

Someone once told me, “bad things happen to good people”.  I agree with that.  But it also goes against other things I believe in, such as, “we create our own reality” which is why positive thinking and personal development is so important.  Then I begin to wonder, if I really believe that, why would I create my current reality for myself?  So maybe all of this is a combination of bad luck, the economy, and things that I have been doing wrong somehow, somewhere.

I don’t know.  All I know is that everything – and I mean everything that I’m doing is solely for Jane and Monkey.  This road has made me lose myself.  Who knows, maybe spending some time on myself like I used to do will help.  But the catch 22 is that if I spend time on myself, that’s time away from Jane and Monkey.  Yet another internal battle I’m fighting and trying to figure out.

All I know is that I’m not happy, I know Jane is far from happy with me on many levels, and Monkey I’m sure wants me to spend a lot more time with him.  All three of these hurt me and tear me up inside more than anyone will ever know and more than I’ll ever admit.

My first 18 months as a parent has been the most difficult time period thus far in my life.  But what do I do…  At the end of the day, all I’m looking for is to be happy, have a happy Jane and Monkey, and more time to spend with them without any stress.

What I’m looking for seems so simple – but has become the most complicated puzzle life has ever thrown at me.

Anyway, let me end with this:

Dear Jane,

I know some of what you read above you already know, while other parts may be a bit if a shock.  A lot of this just hurts too much to talk to you about.  And a lot of this I shelter from you on purpose so you don’t have to have even 1% of the worry or pain that I feel.

I want to say that I’m sorry.  I’m sorry for everything.  I’m failing in every aspect of our life and I’m sorry to put you through this.  I’m sorry that I’m not around much to spend time with you and Monkey.  I’m sorry for all of the promises made of times that I’ll be able to take some time off and couldn’t.  I’m sorry that life has thrown us one hell of a curve ball that I’ve not been able to hit – no matter how many swings I take.  And I’m sorry that I’m so angry all the time and not so fun to be around.

I’m not angry at you – not at all.  100% of my anger is at myself.  I’m angry that we’re in this situation.  I’m angry about a lot of things – which you know was not a trait that I ever had before.  Anger was never a part of me, but now it often consumes me because of how much I despise how my and your life is right now.

I’m sorry for failing as a husband.  And I’m sorry for failing as a father.  Above all else in the world, I want to be the best father in the world to Monkey.  As he gets older, I want him to look up to me.  I want him to be proud of me.  I never want to miss a game.  And I want to be that Dad that other Dads look up to as far as how a father should be with their son.  All these things mean everything to me.  Everything.  It hurts more than words can describe because I know I’m letting you down, and even though Monkey is way too young to understand, I feel I’m letting him down.  And of course, I’ve let myself down hundreds of times over.

The father and husband I strive to become is one who has a lot of time to spend with the both of you.  A father that provides for his family.  A father that his son looks up to.  A father who has a successful marriage and a happy wife.  And a father who loves himself and believes in himself.

I feel so far away from the above, but I want you to know that is what I have been pushing for – for so long.  And as time ticks by, every month is getting harder.  Every week is getting harder.  And each and every single day for the both of us is getting harder.  I know.  And although I can blame the economy, the weather, other people, or whatever else, I take 100% of the blame for the way things are.

I have no idea what will happen in the coming weeks or month.  I don’t know how much harder things are going to get.  But I do know this:  At a time where I’m second guessing everything that I do; at a time when the confidence in myself is the lowest it’s ever been; and at a time when everything that I worked so hard for is crashing down on me, I do know that I love you and Monkey more than ever.

You guys are all that I have.  All that keeps me going.  All that I’m working so hard for.  No matter what happens in the coming days, weeks, or months, please know that.

I wish I could tell you that things will be better next week, or next month.  I wish I could tell you something – anything that would make all this go away.

Just know that I’m sorry.  Know that I love you.  Know that I know I’m failing in all areas of our relationship and family.  And know that no matter what, I will continue to fight for you and Monkey.  Always.

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Monkey is still a ways from turning two – but he’s recently kicked it into full gear, showing all the “Terrible Twos” signs, behavior, and tantrums.  Having a son has taught me to be more patient, but there are limits.

Monkey has been doing this thing where we go to pick him up when he doesn’t want to be picked up and quickly jerk himself back.  His head leans back and if we’re not fast enough, he’ll whack the back of his head onto the flood.  Luckily, Jane and I quickly learned to pick him up fast and/or put our hand by his head to catch it before he slams it into the floor.

And then there are those times that we just can’t do anything to make Monkey happy.  He cries, whines, and throws a tantrum – and there really and truly is no reason for it.  As parents, it can get VERY frustrating trying to figure out what our child wants, and trying to guess on why they are so upset or frustrated.

If the Terrible Twos get worse than how it is at times with Monkey, they we better stock up on vodka to help us get through the crazy days!

Seriously though.  Parenting can really test your limits.  For example, Monkey keeps going up to the dishwasher.  If it’s off, he’ll open the door, climb on top of it, and then reach for whatever he can find in the counter.  Or he’ll start taking the clean or dirty dishes out.  We tell him, “no” firmly, get him down, and close the door.

He’ll look right at us and then open the door.  We say, “NO” even firmer this time.  Monkey starts to laugh at us.  Ugh.   And that’s not a one-time-thing.  It seems when we try to discipline Monkey, the more frustrated we get, and the firmer our, “not for baby” or “no”, or “don’t touch”, or whatever we try to do to redirect him ends with him laughing at us!

I can’t tell you how many times the dishes that are currently in the dishwasher have been washed.  When the dishwasher isn’t running, Monkey will go over there when Jane and I aren’t looking.  Instead of opening the door, he’ll lock the door and push all of the buttons.  He’s run the dish washer several times now – which may not be a bad thing when we actually have a moment to get the super clean dishes out and dirty ones in there.

It’s hard.  I’m sure Monkey knows what the word “NO” means.  And I’m sure he’s testing his limits with us.  But when he starts to laugh at us when we are stressed to the max and stopped him from touching the Christmas tree for the tenth time, you feel like you’re going bonkers.  It’s a lose-lose situation.

You can only re-direct a child so many times, you know?  There’s only a certain number of times a day we can say, “where’s your firetruck?”  or… “where’s Elmo?”  or … “where’s your choo-choo train?”  Eventually he catches on.

So I really think Monkey is going through the Terrible Twos early.  The handful of examples above are less than 1% of what Jane deals with on a day-to-day basis.  My hat is off to ALL of you stay-at-home moms out there.  There is no tougher job.  That I can assure you.

And for any of you who are tempted to comment saying things like, “you aint seen nothing yet”, or “the worst is yet to come!” Please keep those comments to your self because if we read those, Jane and I would have a full head of grey hair by the end of the year!

Now minus all of the times Monkey is getting into everything he’s not supposed to get into (which is nearly constant), he’s truly the sweetest little boy.  And a smart little bugger.

Now one thing I’ve avoided talking about is all of Monkey’s milestones and things that he has accomplished.  I’m a little strange in the fact that when Jane and I are at the park talking to another couple and everyone inevitably starts talking about, “my child did this” and “my child did that” and “when my child was X months/years old” he/she was doing this” and blah, blah, enough already.

I swear, some people just sit there at the park and wait for some unsuspecting family they can pounce on so they can share what their son/daughter did the day before that makes them a genius.

I get it, OK?  Your kid is smarter than everyone else’s kid.  They are more advanced.  They walked sooner, started sleeping through the night sooner, started feeding themselves sooner, doesn’t cry, and lives their perfect little life in your perfect little bubble. Bwwaaa.  Now ladies, don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of this.  But from a guys perspective, well at least for me, having to be involved in those conversations over and over is like talking about  what someone in my neighborhood ate for dinner.  Frankly, I really don’t care!

But it’s good for the moms.  It’s their vent time.  It’s their time to share the goods/the bads/ and the uglies.  However, some moms take it just a tad too far and share the goods/greats/ and even betters to paint a picture that their child is a perfect angel all of the time.  Yeah, keep living that fairytale because we know behind closed doors you’re tossing back a few dirty martinis as soon as your son or daughter hits the pillow so you can unwind from the long day of taking care of them.

Crazy.  And speaking of crazy, Monkey has become one heck of a little parrot.  And we have to be VERY careful what we say around him.  If we mention the word ‘outside’ by accident, we know we’re in for it and no matter what time it is, what the weather it is, or what we’re doing, Jane or I have to take Monkey outside.  He’s already at the front or backdoor crying to go outside within seconds of saying the word “outside”.

Now I admit, I haven’t read much into a year and 1/2 olds development, so I’m sure this is a normal expected thing – it just hit me by surprise.  Our little Monkey can say a lot of words and know what a lot of things mean!  I was not around babies or children much at all growing up – so a lot of this is new to me.  It just amazes me how he knows every body part and where it’s located, tons of objects, I *think* some colors (could just be coincidence when I say to hand me a red ball and he does), foods, people, etc.  And his vocabulary, however mainly limited to just one word at a time, is growing rapidly.

Last night I taught him the word, “coco” when I was making a cup of hot chocolate.  He kept repeating “co co” “co co” last night.  Then, all day today I never mentioned it and tonight before bed, he started saying, “co co” while we were playing on the bed while Jane was getting ready.

But you know, even though we REALLY have some tough times and days where we are stressed out to the max with Monkey not listening and just doing his own thing, getting into things, breaking things, whining, crying, oh, and BITING (OUCH! for Jane, she gets bit the most), I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Monkey is an amazing little guy who says ” Hi Dat-Deeee” at least a hundred times a day.  I love it.  And I love my little Monkey more than everything.

So as part of the blog post below… I think part of me and the reason why I sometimes find it difficult to blog about the whole parenting journey is because I’m just not one to get into the whole “my son did this” “can do that” “did this” thing, as explained above.  This was the first time that I opened up a little more into Monkey’s and our world now that he’s such an active little bugger.

And in case you’re wondering if I’m going to go out and get a book on how to make your child listen to, or get through the terrible twos or anything of the sort… the answer is no.  Even though Jane and I have some truly tough times with Monkey, at the end of the day, I’m enjoying the learning process.  I’m enjoying learning how to be a Dad and teach our son.

For me, no book in the world can adequately describe every situation you’ll come across.  That’s impossible.  So you have to develop instincts, follow your heart and gut, and do what you feel is best for your little one.  So I choose to learn by doing, which always includes making mistakes.  But those mistakes teaches me lessons – and those lessons help me become a better father and husband.

Sure, I’m sure I could learn a thing or two by talking to other parents.  But I’ve always taken the hands-on approach to learning and doing things my way.  And that’s a trait that I have a feeling that Monkey got from me.  I think Monkey is going to be a lot like me in that respect.  And if that’s the case, poor Jane doesn’t know what we’re in for!

So we’ll see how this all goes and will post more soon and often.

Thanks.

Tarzan

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OK.  Looks like some commenters are wondering why we stopped posting about the HCG diet – and wondering what our results were.

Well, for me, I lost a total of 28 pounds on the 40-day diet.  Jane lost a total of 26 pounds.  Why didn’t we keep everyone updated on posts?  For me, it was not worth my time.  It took some strong will and motivation at times to avoid eating in the evening when I was up working late.  The last thing I needed was to spend time reading all of the negative comments left by people.

Jane and I are positive people.  There were quite a few down-right rude and obnoxious comments left by people that never made it to the public because we simply deleted them before the comments went live.  It amazes me how many negative people there are and how much extra time people have on their hands.  Moreover, it amazes me how much effort some people put into trying to bring others down – while they obviously need to be focusing on themselves.

I had thought it would be good and fun to keep everyone posted on our progress.  I thought it would motivate people to begin to live a healthy lifestyle.  Whether they chose to do the HCG diet on their own or they chose another route.  It didn’t matter.  As long as we motivated a few people to start eating healthy and start taking care of themselves, then we succeeded in my book.

As I sit here typing this, I’m wearing jeans that I haven’t worn in a good three years.  They are size 36 button-fly Lucky jeans.  I tried these on before we began the HCG diet and I couldn’t get them on high enough to even button the first button.  They now fit very comfortably.  I’m wearing shirts I haven’t worn in years and I feel a hell of a lot better about myself.

Over the next few weeks we’re on a loose 1500 calorie diet.  Basically just watching what we eat, weighing ourselves daily and making sure we don’t gain more than 2 pounds.  If we do, then you do what is called a “steak day”.  In January, we are going to do another round of the HCG diet.  Once we finish that, I’m sure that Jane and I will be right where we want to be.  Whether we post about it or not is undecided.  More than likely not – at least for me.

I’m the type of person that keeps a good distance between myself and negativity.  Misery loves company.  Like attracts like.  And for whatever reason, the HCG diet really attracted some interesting characters to our blog.

I created this blog shortly after we found out Jane was pregnant to have fun and document the journey.  It was the best present that I could have given Jane.  It made us so much closer as a couple.  We learned so much together.  And it was an activity that we could do together.  It was an absolute blast.  If you go back and read posts I wrote while Jane was pregnant, you’ll see a much different tone.  It was fun.

Then after Monkey was born, that’s when everything changed.  Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that this is a blog and we welcome people’s comments.  But there were times that people really crossed the line with comments that were never published.  I’ve quickly learned that there are 100,000 different parenting styles out there – and many believe that the way they choose is the ONLY way.  And if someone chooses a different path – then they are always wrong in their eyes – and have no problem letting us know.

It’s crazy.  Even laughable.  We’ve always had comments from people wondering if this blog was real, wondering if our Twitter account was real, wondering all sorts of things.  I can’t help but laugh.  We’re what, more than two years into this blog now?  I can’t imagine any couple spending 2 years of their lives making up hundreds of blog posts, running contests, reviewing products, etc.  I can assure you, there is VERY little money keeping a blog like this going – even though we have a few thousand unique visitors visiting our blog daily.

So sorry for going on and on here – just wanted to get a lot off of my chest that has been on it for a long time.  My posting frequency went down, down, down as many of you know shortly after Monkey was born.  I just didn’t want to be around all of the craziness sometimes going on with comments.  Now don’t get me wrong, 95% of you are awesome.  We have many VERY loyal readers and I want to say thank you, we appreciate you, we look forward to your comments, and appreciate you spending some time on our blog.  We really appreciate you.

But it’s that 5% that drives me nuts; drives me away.  They take all of the fun out of it, you know? For example, if I post about what happened the other night while Monkey was sleeping in bed with us, we’d get hit by a lot of negative comments on why Monkey should not be sleeping in bed with us.  Some would make it to the blog, while many others would be deleted due to being too rude, obnoxious, include swear words, etc.  Seriously guys, some commenters are NUTS.  So much so that we’ve had to literally block people’s IP addresses so that they cannot ever view our blog again.

So for all of you wondering where Tarzan went – the above explains everything.  It’s not that I’m gone – I’m on this blog each and every single day and spend a good 30 minutes to an hour a day going through everything and making sure things are running smoothly.

Maybe once Monkey is a little older I’ll be more motivated to post again about our daily happenings.  But for now, I feel that Monkey is at an age where too many people have too many opinions on what is right and what is wrong.  At the end of the day, YOU have to do what YOU feel is best and right.  Parenting is a never-ending learning process.  Sure, you can learn a few things from others, but at the end of the day, parenting is learned by being a parent.

There’s not one book or DVD in the world that can prepare you for what it’s really like to become a parent.  There isn’t one person in the world who can truly describe the feeling you get in your stomach when your son falls on the pavement – and gets his first skinned knee with blood running down his leg.

No one can explain the feeling you get in your heart when your little baby is sick and not feeling well.  I literally want to pull my heart out of my chest and do anything and take my little Monkey’s pain away and make him feel better.

There is no way of knowing what it’s like being a Father or Mother until you are one.  It’s one hell of an emotional roller coaster – and I can see how it can get the best of people, changing them into Parenting Monsters.  And for all of those out there, that I’ll now label as “Parenting Monsters”, please, for the sake of yourself and everyone around you… LIGHTEN UP.

So that’s the deal everyone.  And to address some random comments recently… Yes, this blog is real.  Always has been.  Yes, Jane and I did very well on the HCG diet.  Both feel great.  Look good.  Wearing clothes we haven’t worn in years.  And we’ll be doing one last round in January to get to our ideal weight.  Eating habits changing.  Exercising more.  I’ll even tell you guys that Jane ran a marathon recently!  (So proud of her!  I would have joined her, but I tore a muscle in my leg)

As far as ads on our blog, it’s how we are able to keep this blog up and running and cover the hosting costs.  If being able to go to Starbucks a couple of times a month from the profits of this blog makes us rich, then sure, this blog made us rich.

As far as why we don’t post daily – but try to post at least a couple times a week or more, well, read the above.  I don’t want to speak for Jane, but I’m sure she feels the same way I do on a few things I mention above.

I hope that everyone had a great Turkey Day and I hope everyone is excited as we are about the upcoming Holiday that has something to do with big guy in a red suit.  Our little Monkey LOVES christmas lights and looking around the neighborhood with us.  He is full of “oooooh’s” and “aahhhhh’s” when he sees the lights and yard decorations.

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A little off-topic here, but I wanted to let everyone know what’s going on.  In fact, this has been a long time coming.  I’ve talked about wanting to change our pregnancy/baby/parenting/life/etc. blog design around, it just took me longer than expected.

I changed around the design to try to make things look a little cleaner.  The site had a lot of clutter and believe me, with a one year old running around, clutter haunts you.

The design of our blog has been tweaked and there is the addition of being able to post a comment on any of our posts using your FaceBook ID.  In fact, if you’re already logged into Facebook, you’ll see that all you have to do is post a comment below and your name/pict is already there.

And next, our little blog here has had it’s share of controversy in the past.  From breastfeeding to wow, you name it.  There has been some interesting posts and comments that got a few folks all heated.  And that’s OK.  We’re all passionate about being parents!

However, I know that a subject that Jane and I will start to blog about almost daily here will put up a fence.  Some people will be on our side, while others will be on the other and we’ll all get an ear full.  That’s OK.  Everyone has their own opinions and beliefs.

So Jane and I will begin another new chapter within the next day or two.  And no, we’re not having another Monkey.  (At least not that I’m not aware of, but then again, Halloween is coming!)

We’ll just be discussing a topic that many new parents can relate to.  And like what we’ve always done here, we’ll share some pretty personal stuff that we’d never share with friends or family.  Just giving you guys and gals a heads up here.  More coming within the next day or two.

Tarzan

P.S… No worries, of course we will still blog about pregnancy, baby, and parenting.  We’ll just be adding another new section to our blog to cover a topic that has been weighing on our minds a lot lately.  Dare I ask if you have any guesses?  :)

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When you have a child, life is not only different, it’s new.  You get to experience life’s simple joys all over again.  Joys that most of us have long forgotten about due to our often fast-paced and scattered lives that we were living pre-baby.

And for those of us who become aware of this ‘new awakening’, it makes us realize that it’s truly the little things in life that matter the most.

I’m talking about the types of things we never think about as we try to navigate through this very busy and complicated world we live in today.  It’s those little things that help us take a step back from our own lives, puts things in perspective, and creates new meaning.

Things like a child’s soft, innocent smile.  A simple kiss.  The little sounds of joy and happiness your baby makes upon waking up, excited to start a new day.  A laugh.  And the pure love and excitement he or she experiences upon seeing you after you’ve been away; even if it was only for just five minutes.

Above all, at least for me, watching your child explore the world around them and experiencing the countless “firsts” with them is the most pure moments in life one can experience.

Pure Moments

Especially today, in this electronic fast-paced world we live in, we have to do all we can not only savor these moments with our children, but also create them.  These pure moments rarely come around when we’re surrounded by battery operated toys that light up and make noise.  Nor do they appear when the TV is on.

And they are so easy to miss when you’re scrambling around cleaning the house, running errands, checking FaceBook, texting, doing laundry, dishes, and surrounded by the sounds of toys playing music when your child bumps into them.

They appear most when we remove ourselves from ‘the norm‘ that many of us have become accustomed to.  To create these pure moments for you and your child, it really doesn’t take much.  In fact, it doesn’t take anything at all.  That’s the beauty of pure moments.  They are created from nothing.

A few days ago, Jane and I went to the park to spend time with Monkey because it was such a nice day to be outside.  It was one of the first “cool” days we’ve had all summer, where you could be outside for hours and not break a sweat.

We arrived at the park to find that we had the entire place to ourselves.  We walked out to the middle of a large field and sat in the grass.  As we sat in the warm sun, Jane and I talked and watched Monkey explore the world around him.

He sat with us watching the trees blow in the warm breeze.  He felt the grass with his little fingers, often picking up a few pieces of grass and handing them to us with a big smile on his face.

He watched with amazement as he saw a butterfly flutter by us.  He quickly looked at us bewildered when a dragonfly zoomed up to us, stayed there for a moment to check us out and flew away, as if Monkey was saying to us, “what in the heck was that!?”

Whenever a car would go by on the distant road neat the park, he’d turn around, watch it go by, and look back at us and give us a pure, genuine smile that would melt anyones heart.

As the breeze blew Monkey’s soft blonde hair, I watched him intently as he looked around the world around him.  When facing the sun, he’d squint those big blue beautiful eyes of his.  And while looking around if his eyes met Jane’s or mine, they’d open wide and a glowing smile would appear, a smile even brighter than the sun.

These are just a small handful of the many pure moments we had with Monkey.  No toys.  No Television.  No distractions.  Just the three of us, enjoying each other, and soaking in each and every second that ticked by.

Now what’s amazing about these pure moments is that you don’t have to wait for them to appear.  And often times you can make them appear by simply stepping away from our busy lives and letting everything else go.

It can be as simple as laying on the floor with your child and rolling around with them, hugging, kissing, and tickling them.  It can be swinging together on a swing as they hold onto you and you sing to them.  Or it can be as simple as going to a park, finding a quiet place to sit, and simply watch your child explore the world around them.  Find what works best for you and your child.

During these pure moments, everything seems to fade away.  Suddenly the bills we have to pay disappear from our mind.  The dishes in the sink no longer matter to us.  The laundry fades away.  The anger or frustration we have floats away.  And all of our normal day-to-day routines that we’re normally so pre-occupied with simply vanish from our thoughts.

I often wonder, who gets more out of these pure moments, the parent or the child?

Try to take time out of each and every single day to create these pure moments with your child.  Before you know it, they’ll be too old to create them with.

And also, think back to some of your first childhood memories.  Can you remember any of these pure moments with your parents?  I can.  Many, many of them.  And not one of them involved toys, television, games, etc.  Each and every single one was when I was with one or both parents and it was just me and them.  Memories of swinging together, cuddling on the couch, playing in the grass outside, sitting on rocks by the river, sitting on the sand by the water at a lake, etc.

Looking back, those are the moments that made me feel loved.  Those are the moments that ultimately made me the parent that I am today.  My parents chose to create those pure moments for me, and Jane and I choose to create those pure moments for Monkey.

So today, I ask you to make the same choice.  Go out and create those pure moments for you and your child.  The lasting effects and memories truly do last a lifetime and beyond.

– Tarzan

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Jane and I were getting VERY frustrated with our digital camera.  If Monkey made any tiny movement at all, the picture would come out all blurry.  There were a couple of GREAT shots that we missed out on.  And I just couldn’t deal with it any longer.  Besides, every single day I’d hear Jane say, “Arrrgh!  The picture is blurry!” when she was taking pictures of Monkey.

So, I gave Jane an early Christmas present because there was no way that we were going to have a ton of really blurry pictures when we’re taking a ton of pictures of Monkey on Christmas.  It’s been a long time since we’ve had a decent digital camera since Jane’s cousin dropped the one we had a couple of years back and shattered it.  Yeah.  I was not a happy camper as you can imagine.  And with baby, I didn’t want to miss out on any more of those once-in-a-lifetime photo opps.

I got Jane: Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T90 12 MP Digital Camera with 4x Optical Zoom and Super Steady Shot Image Stabilization (Blue)

It’s a really cool camera that has some cool features including a function that will automatically detect a smile from a baby and take the picture for you.  And since I already gave it to her, I figured I’d share it on here if anyone happens to be looking for a good camera.

Yes, I know. I could have picked out the pink one for her.  I’m sure she would have liked that as well.  But hey, if I’m going to be using it too, I’m not a pink camera kind of guy.

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