I called the hospital to pay for little Tarzan’s birth and all the extras that come along with it.  On one hand, I feel extremely lucky that we were able to pay for everything upfront because that ultimately saves so much money in the end.  

But on the other hand, dammit, it was a lot of effing money to go out.

This is all best case scenario, of course:

Vaginal Delivery: $3,300 (C-Section would cost $5,500)

Anesthesia for the epidural: $1,200 (C-Section would cost $1,500)

To snip our son’s penis: $250

Grand total today: $4,750

Ouch.

Is it wrong that I get super jealous when I hear about people having wealthy relatives that make their life so much easier?  I wish I had one of those that would take pity on me.  

But I will admit that I’m happy that we won’t be stuck with thousands in hospital bills.  We (I) will have mini-T and walk out of the hospital knowing that my baby is paid for and that we’ve done our part instead of letting the hospital bills pile up.

And you can bet your ass I’ll be taking as much “free” stuff from the hospital that I can get my hands on.  After all, I did pay for it.

Related posts:

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2. Nearly $10,000 Cash Spent So Far For Baby Tarzan. Gotta Love The U.S. Healthcare System! OK, so I’ve been running behind and Pregnant Jane has...
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I prefer maternity shirts that are fitted, it’s just my style and I like that there is no guessing whether or not I’m pregnant.

I was with my grandmother the other day and I was wearing a fitted maternity shirt (my favorite one) with some low-rise maternity jeans.  She asked me in the most serious way, “You’re going to have to get some other maternity shirts when your stomach gets bigger, won’t you?”  

I told her that I would not because the shirt would grow with me.  She was shocked.  I told her that the shirt is supposed to be fitted, but there’s plenty of material left for a growing bump.  She had the funniest look on her face and just could not believe it. 

My mom explained to her that things are quite different now than they were when my grandmother and even my mom were pregnant.  Both of them wore very loose shirts because that’s just what was available to then.  I’m guessing maternity clothes were pretty awful then… at least that’s how they made it sound.

My grandmother especially freaked out when I showed her that my jeans were low-rise.  She said that there was barely anything holding them up.  LOL!  While I do have a pair of the full-panel maternity jeans, I just don’t like them.  I don’t like for my stomach to be covered up.  

I figure that I didn’t wear pants above my belly button before getting pregnant, so why should I start now?

I have always opted for low-rise jeans, even before getting pregnant.  It’s what I’m used to and I’m going to stick to it until I need more support down there.  I’m aware that towards the end of my pregnancy, my bump might be huge and I will need to wear full-panel maternity jeans and different shirts to accommodate my growing bump, but until then, you won’t find me in those kinds of maternity clothes.

Anyways, it was just really funny to see my grandmother’s reaction to my fitted maternity shirt and my low-rise maternity jeans.  

Oh how times have changed!

Related posts:

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As we left the doctor’s office, I went to the counter and paid my $528.00 (see updated cost of having a baby page) and asked how much extra would we have to pay if by small chance Jane had to have a C-section.  Her answer was an additional $200 or so.  

OK, not as much as I was expecting – considering we’re shelling out $528 every visit, which is their nice little payment plan, we’re already paying her thousands.  So thank goodness.

Jane had to get more blood work today since she’s 19 weeks pregnant so that wasn’t too bad this time around.  One test cost $37.  I can handle those payments.

But today, I was on a mission.  I’m tired of waiting to hear from the woman who I’ve called 4 times, left 2 messages in the past week.  Well, more than a week I guess.  She’s supposed to be the one to talk to – to find out how much the hospital side of things would cost to have a baby.  So I called the hospital directly and spoke to someone in the admissions department.

Wow.  I actually reached a real, live human.  I nearly chocked on my words as I started to speak while I snapped out of my state of shock that I was actually talking to someone.  I asked her the magical question, “how much is it to have a baby without maternity insurance there?”  I went onto say that my wife is currently 19 weeks pregnant, her doctor is there, and our baby will be born in July.

So, here’s what she told me…

The Cost From The Hospital

The normal cost for a 2-day stay at the hospital for a vaginal delivery is $13,000.  If Jane had to have a C-Section, the cost to have our baby would jump to $20,000.  I then said, OK.  Now what about for someone who does not have maternity insurance who will be paying cash upfront?

The cost drops waaaaaaay down for this.  (Thank God.)  The cost for the 2-day stay for a vaginal delivery drops down to $3,300.  If she needed to have a C-Section, the cost is $5,000.  However, there is one catch.  We would need to register Jane at the hospital or online (whatever that means) AND have $3,300 paid entirely upfront at least one month before our baby is born.

OK.  I asked if there are any other costs.  She said yes, anesthesia, and gave me there number.  I then said, we’re having a boy.  How much to circumcise him?  $250 she said.  OK.  And how about (knock on wood) if by tiny chance our baby needed to be in the NICU for whatever reason, like he was born a day early or something.  She said that costs $2,000 per day for the stay and if needed they’d work out some sort of a payment plan.  I didn’t want to know any more about that as I’m sure Jane and I will have a nice and healthy baby boy.

After asking how much this or that costs, I began to feel like I was ordering strange items from a very, very expensive restaurant to-go.  I had to hang up the phone with her to get rid of the strange mental images that began appearing in my mind.

After a few minutes of talking to Jane, I then called the anesthesia department.  A woman answers, “Yo, whachya up homebooooy?  You be wantin’ some a’ this stuff here?  We be gotten a really good deal on some gooooood stuff.  What you be wanten’?”  Obviously she must have been sampling some of their own products.  I told her…. OK, just kidding!  

She actually answered with a “hi, this is so-and-so, how many I help you?”  I told her the situation and she told me it would be $1,200.  She was nice and pleasant to speak to.  Very helpful, too.

She explained that the $1,200 would need to be paid the day before Jane delivered our little boy.  I then asked her about a C-Section and she said that that would add an additional $150 a day for something I think she called P.O.P?  Not sure.  I asked if there were any other costs and she said no, that’s all.

The Total Hospital Cost To Have Our Baby

Hospital charge for a 2-day stay, vaginal delivery (needs to be paid 1 month before delivery): $3,300.00

Hospital charge (for a C-Section): $5,000

Anesthesia department: $1,200

So if all goes well, which Pregnant Jane and I know it will, the total to be paid to the hospital and anesthesia department one month before delivery is: $4,500.00.

Now add in what we’ve been paying to her doctor and what we still need to pay, PLUS some surprises that I learned about today like another ultrasound that would need to be done at the hospital, more blood tests, etc… I’m going to guesstimate that total (from the baby cost page)… I’m going to try and be a little high here, a total of: $5,000.  I may be going too high, but I’m just going on the safe side here.

So as of this very moment, it looks like everything is going to cost us a total of: $9,500.00

If everything goes great, there are no other tests needed, and all is well, then that SHOULD be the most that everything costs us thanks to no maternity insurance.  We’re not going to even talk about C-Section stuff or anything else because that’s not going to be needed.  (Knock Knock Knock… knocking on wood again.)

Money For The Hospital And For Anesthesia

OK, not counting Jane’s doctor bills, blood work bills, any new ultrasound bills, etc. we need to come up with $4,500.00 that needs to be paid by say no later than June 15th, which would be a little more than a month before Baby Tarzan will be born into this world.

That’s a little more than 4 months from now.  And you can bet your last peanut in your peanut jar that we’ll be paying these at least one month before baby Tarzan is born.  Hell yeah.  If not, the bill would go from $4,500 to over $15,000 between hospital and anesthesia “normal retail prices”.

How are we going to come up with this money?

We have a few choices:

1. See if we can get involved with the anesthesia lady and the blank market hospital drug business.

2. Make some new things happen in our businesses between now and then that creates an influx of cash.

3. Sell our house in less than a month and a half or so, figuring we wouldn’t close 35-40 days after it’s sold and use money we make from the house (fingers crossed!!!) and pay the bills with that money.

4. I sell about 13,862 gallons of my sperm to sperm banks around Texas.  (Adding in extra money to pay for doctor appointments to take care of sprained wrists, carpal tunnel, magazines, and if the rumor is true, blindness.)

5. Emergency plan: Take advantage of one of the offers where I can get a few grand from my credit card using one of those checks they sent me, and not have to pay interest on that money until February, 2010.  If I can’t get all $4,500 from one, do another… and another.. and another… eeks.

6. Plant a money tree in our backyard and toss some Miracle Gro on it.

The best thing to happen out of all of the above would be # 2.  If Jane and I can make some magic things happen with our businesses, then we wouldn’t have to touch the money from the proceeds of our house if we can sell it by then.  

And of course, I want to avoid # 5 like the black plague.  We already have WAY too much credit card debt right now.  That is something that haunts me every night before I go to sleep.  I haven’t had credit card debt in six plus years.  It makes me sick to my stomach that we have a LOT of credit card debt right now, but that’s another story for another day.

However, there is a plus side to this one.  This would allow us to keep the money we have from our business and/or proceeds from our house and allow us to make payments to the credit card company or companies.  Yet, there is a danger there.  If we do not pay back each and EVERY single penny before the *interest free* period is up, all that interest is added that next month.  Believe me, I’ve had that happen to me SEVERAL times.  It’s no fun.  We’d have to do all we can to pay off that baby FAST.

Note to self: Teach young Tarzan about credits cards, the dangers, the plusses, how to use them properly, and what not to do EARLY and keep reminding him about them… especially when he turns 18 so he doesn’t make the same mistakes I did back then.

So what does Tarzan think about all of this?

Well, paying a total of $9,500 our of our pocket (if I’m correct on a few assumptions I made of future bills) is a lot better than what I was expecting to pay.  Although that doesn’t mean we’re any closer to being out of the woods yet.  And that doesn’t mean I have a big smile on my face at this very moment.  Coming up with an *extra* $4,500 out of thin air in just four months isn’t the easiest thing to do.

However, it can be done…  I’ve done it before.  Heck, when business was rocking and rolling, we could do that much, much faster.  This damn economy puts a kink in things and no matter how many times I tried to do that over the past year, all of them failed.  But if you first don’t succeed….

Yes, we’ll keep trying and trying again.  There are several other BIG factors that come to play here.  And I mean BIG factors.  For one, and it’s something that I know many, many other small business owners are freaking out about… TAXES.

I have yet to bring in all of my documents for my 2008 taxes to my accountant.  I’ll owe a big chunk.  Nothing like the last several years, but still  big chunk that will not be able to be paid.  Jane’s taxes won’t be too bad and we’ll find a way to get those taken care of.  But it’s mine that I’m freaking out about.

I’ll of course file an extension, which I usually do anyways.  But usually it’s with a nice big check payable to Uncle Sam with a partial payment, with the rest due by August 15th.  This time around, the extension will be sent with a piece of lint from my pocket… with the rest due by August 15th.

That is of course dancing around in my mind, brings up some worries and stress, but the first priority is to pay for baby Tarzan to be born, get those hospital bills paid early (which would save $9K or $10K or whatever) and then figure out taxes.

Arrrrghhh s#&% what a mess.  But, Jane and I are taking one step at a time, we know what we’re up against, and we have some battle plans.  If our house sells FAST and we close FAST and get moved into a new place FAST, I’m going to take a chance and use the majority to start up a couple of new businesses that I believe can take off quickly, instead of giving it to Uncle Sam right then.  I’ll have a little time to play with, and if I were to gamble on anything right now, I’d be (and we are) putting all our money on me.

Jane and I of course have talked about ALL of the above at great length.  We discuss everything all the time… many times a day and night.  We’re always keeping our noses down and assessing the situation as things change.  I guess you can say we’re totally micromanaging our lives right now, but we have to.

Pregnant Jane and I are preparing for battle.

With our house on the line, the potential to lose all the money we put down on it, credit card debt, taxes, slow/dead businesses that were once rocking and rolling like crazy, investments that went way south, and of course, the biggest of them all, a bouncing baby mini Tarzan on the way… we’ve got our battle gear on and we’re ready to battle this multi-headed monster.  The names of the heads are: foreclosure, credit card debt, stress, bank accounts, taxes, car payments, and Fred.  (Fred’s the nice guy out of the bunch.)

Ahhhh… adulthood.  Oh how I miss the days of riding my bike on a sunny Thursday afternoon during summer vacation without a care in the world.  As a soon-to-be father, realizing the true importance of making the most of our your childhood and savoring those moments is something that I’ll make sure Tarzan Junior does.  

(Yes, I know I’ve called him Mini Tarzan, Baby Tarzan, Tarzan Junior, and who knows what else here.  He has many names right now I guess!)

As a father, I’ll do everything I can to make little Tarzan’s childhood fun and full of incredible memories.  

And when he’s 10 or 11, and we’re having a blast digging for treasure, playing baseball, fishing, camping, or whatever, I may even say to him…

“Do everything you can now to enjoy these days where everything seems perfect; when you don’t have a care in the world.  These are the days that you’ll remember the most when you’re older.  Because, when you’re all grown up and you’re an adult, you’ll have this thing called ‘responsibility’.  And take it from me, sometimes it isn’t always easy.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  And sometimes, you need to pull up memories from your mind of days just like this, where everything is prefect, and you don’t have a care in the world, in order to keep pushing forward to take care of your responsibilities.  And then, as funny as this may sound, once you’re a lot older, you’ll come full circle, seeking days where everything is perfect, and where you don’t have a care in the world.  Some people call that retirement, I guess.  So soak up each and every single last drop of childhood, son.  And believe me, I’ll help make sure you do because I’m having just as much fun as you are on those perfect days.”

Huh.  Although no one ever told me this, I’m guessing that children sometimes can take us, as parents, back to that magical place where everything is prefect in the world.  A place where nothing else matters but having fun, laughing, and playing.  Maybe that’s why parents love to play with their children so much… it’s almost a secret passage back to a time they remember as a child.  A time when ir484rhwnkk0  ejeh….

Whoa.  This is getting deep.   Best to end this now before I get any deeper and drown in my own imagination!  LOL

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3. 30 weeks pregnant: A very expensive day indeed, but Little Tarzan has been paid for! Today I spent over $4,700 without even leaving the house....

This is one of the many reasons why I’m not a fan of going to the doctors office.  After shelling out hundreds and hundreds of dollars (at least now I’m under $100 away from meeting my deductible) and after some tests, I’m told my gallbladder is A-OK along with the rest of my insides.

It was strange actually.  The nurse who called me to tell me the results sounded excited and almost blown away about how good my insides are.  I could tell by listening to her talk that she was smiling ear to ear and was amazed.  I do not know this woman and never met her before in my life.  Weird.  Anyway…

So basically what this mysterious gallbladder pain comes down to is this: After several doctor visits due to stomach problems, and then what I thought was gallbladder problems… is that everything was stress related.  Stress.  Hrrgh.  Even though my stress levels are 100 times lower than what they were a month ago, I guess that extreme stress did a number on me, caused pain, caused symptoms of a bad gallbladder or stones, etc.

Stress is some really dangerous stuff.  It causes all sorts of crazy things to happen to your body.  When I was at my limit a month and a half ago or so, I nearly had a panic attack at Barnes and Noble.  Shortness of breath, a bad feeling in my stomach, dizziness, etc.  Thankfully that only happened once.  Never had one of those before – and I never want one.

So I’m doing all I can to keep the father-to-be stress levels down.  However, today the stress kicked back up a few notches because we had a Realtor at our house today.  I’ll be calling another one or two tomorrow and by the end of this week our house will be up for sale.  This is the toughest pill I’ve had to swallow in a long time.  I’ve been in a bad mood all day since the Realtor left and poor Jane has had to put up with an upset, angry, and stressed out Tarzan.

Being self-employed with no maternity insurance is a killer in this economy.  Going from home owner to renter is the ultimate step back that one could make.  It truly is a very large and tough pill to swallow that is only magnified by having a pregnant wife.  Then of course our neighbors will all be surprised to see our house listed for sale.

We’ll be asked why we’re selling and where we’re moving to.  Jane and I need to come up with some story that we can both stick to and make it sound like it’s no big deal.  We’re obviously not going to admit to not having maternity insurance, slow businesses because of the economy, or how we lost a lot of money in investments that went south – although everyone can relate to the last one now-a-days.

Then we have our family and friends.  I guess we’ll be sticking to the same story we tell our neighbors.  Although, I know people will think it’s weird that we’re not sure where we’re moving to yet.  Usually when people move they are moving for a job, to be closer to family, etc. and they know where they are going.  We have no idea.  

Besides all of the above, once we do move into a new place, I’m not going to want any of Pregnant Jane’s family or any of our friends over.  It’ll be just too damn embarrassing for me.  That’s going to create some tough times for us… I’m not looking forward to that.

To go from where we are now into something 1/4 of the size sucks.  80% of our stuff will have to go into storage because we’ll have no room for it.  I doubt I’ll even want to bring one picture that we have on our wall here to wherever we move because that’ll be too much of a reminder of our current house.  So we’ll just live there with the bare essentials with most of our life packed up in storage… waiting for the day we can go get everything and bring it into our new house… a HOME that we plan on being in for a very, very long time.  A home to raise our boy.

A smaller house is going to be tough on so many levels especially since Jane and I both work out of our house we require a lot of space; more than most people would think.  We have good sized offices, a couple of guest rooms, and other places where we can work.  Having choices of where you want to work from eases our A.D.D. minds and makes working from home a heck of a lot easier and a lot more fun.

A smaller house will mean I’ll have a tiny office – which is already driving me nuts merely thinking about it.  A smaller house means when I’m trying to work with Baby Tarzan is crying in the background at times.

So yeah, there are negatives.  A lot of them.  And it’s very easy to sit here and dwell on all of the negatives and about how much things suck right now.  But I’m doing all I can not to focus on the negatives.  Yes, of course I’m aware of them, but I spend most of my time trying to focus on the positives of this situation.

One big positive is that if we have to move into a smaller house, that would mean we obviously sold this house.  And if we sold it, that’ll mean that we accepted someone’s offer, which would then mean I’d have the money I need to start a new business that I want to start.  Actually, a couple of new businesses.

The plan would be to work like crazy – and I mean 18+ hours a day 7 days a week crazy to get those businesses up and running and hopefully making money fairly quickly.  Starting a brand new business takes a ton of work – especially in this economy.  Pregnant Jane and I have been though the start-up phase a few times before, so we know what we’re in for.

And yes, it’s a HUGE risk.  Starting any business is.  We’ll be using most of the proceeds of the house to get the businesses going.  But, where there is great risk, there is great reward.  And that’s why the plan is to rent some small little house to keep bills very low and save up for a nice new house that we can buy at the end of the year.  That’s the plan.

These are very tough times for anyone, and I would think especially hard for a newly married couple like us.  Thankfully, Jane and I have a unique and special relationship that’ll help us get through these tough times.  How many other couples would live and work together 24/7?  Not many.  Most would have killed each other by now if they didn’t divorce first.

We’re best friends – and that alone is what’s helping us get through this.  Sure, we have our arguments and little spats like everyone else.  And sure, they may be a little more frequent because we both on edge with everything going on.  But we know deep down that we’ll get through this and back on top some how some way.

For me, my dream is to get Jane a new beautiful house as fast as possible that has a nice room for baby Tarzan that we can decorate together.  I wish more than anything that is something that we could start doing now.  I wish that for Jane’s sake because I know how important it is to her.

So, we’ll have to make do with whatever we have in the place we’re renting.  Although we won’t be able to make her dream nursery, I’ll do all I can to make it as close to what she wants as possible.  I want her to be happy.  I want my son to be happy.  And I want both of them to be proud of me.  Proud that their husband/father was able to pull them out of this crazy situation we found ourselves in.  Proud that I made big things happen.  Proud that I’m doing everything I can to ensure they are happy and safe.

No doubt I’ll be venting more about this as time goes on.  This little road on the journey after the plus sign is nothing I ever saw coming… but since it’s here, there’s no point in hiding behind it.  Arrrghhh… so frustrating.  But we’re keeping our heads up.  We’re staying focused.  And life is good.   Sure it may not be as good as we want it right now, but at least we have each other.  And as cheesy as that may sound, it’s true.

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2. The real cost of having a baby without maternity insurance: Major news here! Spoke to the hospital today. Jane and I just got back from her pregnancy week...
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Who can participate?  Well, if you’ve recently delivered your bouncing baby girl or boy into this world, or you’re currently pregnant, you will not want to miss this!

Jane and I will be launching the big His Boys Can Swim contest very soon.  It’s 100% free to pre-register and 100% free to participate!

And who doesn’t like free stuff – especially stuff that you could use!?

To register for the upcoming contest, click here.

Also, if you own a website and sell baby, maternity, pregnancy, etc. products, we have a few spots available where you can get in on the action.  Click here for details if you sell products.

We’ll keep everyone who registers here updated as to when the BIG launch day is coming.

Jane and I are really excited – and we know you will be too!

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As explained on the cost of having a baby page, we live in a large city, so the monthly costs for having a baby may be higher for us compared to someone who lives in a small town.  So this will at least give you an idea of what’ll be coming as far as doctor bills, hospital bills, blood work, ultrasounds, and whatever else there is.

Jane is 16 weeks pregnant and a a full-term pregnancy is 36-40 weeks.  So we have a good 21 to 25 weeks of pregnancy to go.

And as of this very moment, we’re under $100 away from breaking the $2,000 mark on out-of-pocket money spent thus far.  However, if you take in consideration for the money I’ve spent on gas (Doctor is 40+ minutes away from us) then we’re over $2,000 mark on money spent so far.

We have another $250+ pending that may need to be paid for blood work that was done at the first pregnancy appointment.  I’ll know what the deal is on that next week.  I’m hoping it is a billing mistake on their end.

In two weeks, we have our ultrasound to check in on our baby, and find out if we’ll be having a boy or girl.  That appointment isn’t at Jane’s Doctor’s office, it’s done at the hospital.  That’s going to be about $900.  OUCH.  The cost of having a baby will soon be jumping by leaps and bounds here.

We’re paying Jane’s doctor $528 every time we go for an appointment.  That money goes towards both the current appointment and Jane’s Doctor’s cost of delivering our baby.

The largest bills will obviously come from the hospital when our baby is born.  Jane will be in the hospital for a couple of days (I guess 2 days is average?) and there will be bills from the hospital, blood work people, drug people, and other people.  (I’m not sure of the proper name of all of the departments that the bills will be coming from, sorry.)

And as per a good recommendation from one of our pregnancy blog readers, I’ll be trying to wheel and deal with the hospital and any other places where we get bills from.  Hopefully I can get them to take at least 50% of the bill if I paid right then and there.

Now I don’t have the cash for those bills now, but even if I did when the time comes, here’s my plan to…

Save Thousands (I hope!) On
The Cost Of Having A Baby

1. Let everywhere we get bills from (or talk to the billing department before hand) know that we’re self-employed, we cannot qualify for Medicaid, and there are no plans in place a for nice, sweet, responsible, hard-working, appreciative (soon-to-be or current) parents like us who had one too many jello shots on Halloween.

2. Tell them all I can do is give them 40% of the bill right now, or else I’m going to have to make small payments that could take years to get the entire bill paid.

3. Negotiate with them.  Try to get 60% off the bill, if that doesn’t work, I’ll settle for 50% off.

4. Take one of those offers I keep getting from my bank where I can get a several thousand dollars interest free for 8-10 months or whatever it is.  Use that money to pay off the hospital, doctor, blood people, drug, people, etc. to drive down the overall and monthly cost of having a baby.

5. I will do my best to pay off this little loan (which basically goes on my credit card, but is interest free – up to a certain point, which I need to find out how much I can get) as fast as I can.  I hope to have this balance paid off before before the interest free period ends – or else they tack on all of the interest, sneaky little #&%’s.

6. If I do not have the balance paid in full, then I will use another one of those offers from another credit card I have where I can do a balance transfer and get 6 or 12 or whatever months interest free.  I’ll then pay off the balance on the other credit card with this new “interest free loan” and do all I can to pay that off during the interest-free time period.  If I’m unable to, then I’ll do it again so I can make sure that I never have to pay interest on this money spent to have our baby.

The above is my plan right now, but we of course have several months of pregnancy and several months of bills to go through.  So the above plan may change a little, or it could change a lot.  But at this very moment, I think it’s a pretty good plan to lower the overall cost of having a baby – which of course is a very, very good thing… especially in this economy.

One possible idea to negotiate with the hospital is letting them know that I have (or will soon have) living breathing proof that my boys can swim.  Maybe I could stop by once a week and work off my debt by providing them a fine specimen of the fruit of my loins, since I obviously have nice, strong, healthy little swimmers.  kidding.

If any of you have any ideas, tips, or suggestions that we can do now to lower our cost of having a baby, or ideas that we can keep in mind once the BIG hospital bills start pouring in, we’re all ears.  Thank you!  :)

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You see, my best friend is getting married later this year on a cruise ship of all places.  I have no problem with that – Jane and I love going on cruises, but there will be one little problem: we will have living, breathing proof that my boys can swim living with us.  

Our baby only be a couple months old by the time the wedding comes.

Jane and I have talked about this several times over the last few weeks, but this morning while I was having breakfast, I made my decision: I’m going to miss my best friend’s wedding.  Wow, that really sucks.  Even hurts me a little, actually.  I’ve known him the longest of anyone in my life besides family.

But I just cannot imagine traveling to an airport with a baby, 500,000 pounds of luggage, flying, then getting n a cruise ship, and then poor, poor Jane… she wouldn’t have much fun I don’t think.

Forget all of the details, once we’re on the ship and we set sail, Jane will be breast-feeding all the time. She also wouldn’t be able to drink.  And, no matter where we went, we’d have to bring our newborn baby with us.  Dinners, shows, etc.  I just don’t see how that is possible for many reasons.

For one, I’d be a nervous wreck!  I’d be nervous about my baby, Jane, and wouldn’t want to leave the room and have fun with my friend while Jane is stuck in the room.

Now I don’t know if I’m overreacting here and you can bring a baby with you anywhere you go – or I’m making the wrong decision here.

I just cannot imagine how we’d walk through the airport with all of the luggage and a baby… and all of the baby supplies we’ll need.

Jane is a PACKER.  Especially on cruises.  No lie (sorry Jane!) she brings an entire suitcase just for the shoes she brings.  There’s enough cloths to last her at least a month, so if we ever got stranded on an island for a month, running out of clean cloths wouldn’t be something we’d need to worry about.

I had this vision of me today wheeling 5 suitcases, a stroller, 3 backpacks, 2 baby bags, with 2 bottles of water in my pockets while Jane, baby, and I walk through the airports.

And the crazy part is if you’ve ever been on a cruise, you know that getting off the ship once the cruise is over is a huge ordeal – especially if you have a lot of luggage.  You’re on your own and Jane and I have learned that lesson the hard way – having more luggage than we could carry.

Anyway, I just don’t think being on a cruise ship for a week with a newborn would be fun.  I don’t think we’d get off the ship and go on any of the fun excursions - I wouldn’t want to bring our baby into some of those towns…

So what do you think?  Am I making the right decision here?  Am I just being too careful?  Am I being an over-protective soon-to-be father?  What would you do?

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I know that we can’t wait to find out what we are having.  Just a couple more weeks of waiting and then we’ll know if we are having a boy or girl, and if any of these pregnancy old wives tales were correct.  Try not to put too much faith in these old wives tales though; they really won’t be accurate and like I said, they are mostly for fun!

Here’s a list of 51 pregnancy old wives tales:

Old Wives Tale #1:  Heartburn

If a pregnant woman experiences heartburn throughout the 9 months of pregnancy, she’ll have a baby born with a full head of hair.  

Old Wives Tale #2: Umbilical Cord

If a pregnant woman lifts her hands above her head or does stretches above her hand, she will choke the baby because the umbilical cord will be wrapped around the baby.    The truth of this pregnancy wives tale is that the umbilical cord can wrap around the baby if the baby moves a lot while in the uterus, but it does not happen if you move a lot or stretch above your head.  The baby gets tangled in the umbilical cord in about 1/3 of all births, so it’s not so uncommon.

Old Wives Tale #3:  Cravings Curse

This old wives tale is fun to hang over Tarzan’s head.  Basically if anyone denies a pregnant woman whatever she is craving, they will get a sty in his/her eye.  Personally, I think all men should read this and always give into whatever us pregnant women want!  For their own benefit, of course.

Old Wives Tale #4:  Heart Rate

If the baby’s heart rate is above 140 bpm, it is said that the baby will be a girl.  If it is under 140 bpm, then it will be a boy.  At our last appointment, the heart rate was 168 bpm, so maybe we’re having a little girl?

Old Wives Tale #5:  Ugly Baby

This wives tale is weird.  If a pregnant woman sees something ugly, she will have an ugly baby.  Um, ok.

Old Wives Tale #6:  Coffee

If a baby is born with light-brown birthmarks, it is said that the mom drank too much coffee or had unfulfilled cravings while she was pregnant.

Old Wives Tale #7:  Sex

This old wives tale is actually not a myth.  Sex is healthy for most pregnant women and is also good in getting the cervix ready for labor.  If you are nearing or have past your due date, your OB might recommend that you start playing around in the bed.

Old Wives Tale #8:  Baths

Anyone who thinks that pregnant women should refrain from taking baths is crazy.  Baths are a-ok and even helpful when it comes to relaxing and easing some back pain.  The only thing that my OB said was to be careful that I didn’t sit in too hot of water.  She said that anything over 100 degrees was too hot and to be careful that my skin didn’t turn red.

This old wives tale began because it was thought that water would seep in to the baby and bring bacteria.  It’s been determined that water does not enter the vag. during a bath.

Old Wives Tale #9:  Wearing a Lei

This Hawaiian superstition relates to the lei causing the umbilical cord to wrap around the baby.  Of course, it’s crazy and makes no sense why you could not wear a lei.  

Old Wives Tale #10:  Boiling Water

Many people use to believe that boiling water was needed to be nearby the pregnant woman during labor.  There is not a real reason as to why boiling water played a role in childbirth.  Some believe the water was just a task to get the dad-to-be away from the labor, while others believed that it was used to sterilize the tools needed to perform the delivery.  No matter what the reason was, this is definitely just an old wives tale with no truth or importance to it.

Old Wives Tale #11:  Full Moon

A full moon was believed to cause a woman to go into labor and give birth.  

Old Wives Tale #12:  Shape of Belly

If you are carrying high with a big, round belly, you are having a girl.  If you are carrying low with a smaller belly that sticks straight out, it’s a boy.  

Old Wives Tale #13:  Ring Test

Using a string, hang your wedding ring over your pregnant belly.  You are having a girl if the ring swings back and forth  and it’s a boy if it swings in a circle.   

Old Wives Tale #14:  Shape of Mom’s Face

When your face gets fuller and rounder when pregnant, it means you’re going to have a girl.  If your face is long and narrow, it’s a boy.  

I think this is b.s. since women all gain weight differently.  However, that being said, my face has gotten rounder, so all signs point to a girl for this one.

Old Wives Tale #15:  Key Test

This test involves a key.  If you pick up a key at the top (the roundest part), you are going to have a boy.  If you pick up the key at the bottom (smallest part), you are going to have a girl.  If you happen to grab the key in the middle, congrats, it’s twins!  

Old Wives Tale #16:  Mayan Tale

The Mayan tale adds the mothers age at conception and the year of conception.  If the result is a even number then mom is having a girl.  If the result is an odd number then a boy is on the way!  According to this, we are having a girl.

Old Wives Tale #17:  Drano Test

The drano test combines a tablespoon of Drano and urine together.  If the mixture turns green, it’s a girl.  If it turns blue, it’s a boy.  

Old Wives Tale #18:  Acne

If you have acne while pregnant, it’s a girl.  It’s thought that acne during pregnancy is caused by the extra hormones.  

Old Wives Tale #19:  Cravings

People believe that if you are craving salty foods while pregnant, you can count on having a boy.  If you crave sweets, fruit, and orange juice, you are having a little girl.  

Old Wives Tale #20:  Smell of Garlic

If a pregnant woman eats a clove of garlic and the smell does not come out of her pores, it’s a girl.  If the smell seeps out of her pores, it’s a boy.   

Old Wives Tale #21:  Ultrasound

I’m not sure that this falls under ‘old wives tales’, but, as with anything, ultrasounds may not be accurate all of the time.  In fact, one of my friends was told that she was having a boy.  A penis on the ultrasound.  Months later, it was determined that her little boy was actually a little girl.  I would have thought little girls could have turned out to be boys, but not the other way.  I guess there’s always room for error though. 

Old Wives Tale #22:  Skin under Left Eye

The eye test is when a “V” or “branches” appear when you pull down the skin under your left eye.  If you see a “V” or “branches” in the white part, you’re having a girl.  I have a “V”, so one more point for a girl.

Old Wives Tale #23:  Previous Kids

This tale only applies if you have had previous kids.  If you have and that child’s first word was momma, you will have a girl.  If your first child’s first word was dadda, you’ll have a boy.  I can’t help you with this one since I have no previous kiddos.

Old Wives Tale #24:  Wooden Spoon, Scissors, and Pink Bows

Apparently if you put a wooden spoon and a pair of scissors under your bed and a pink bow under your pillow, you’ll have yourself a little baby girl.  I think this sounds like one of the craziest myths I’ve ever heard.  Anyone try it?

Old Wives Tale #25:  History of Parent’s Kids

You can find out the sex by going off of your parent’s kids and the order.  If you are the first born, you will have what your mother had but starting with her second child.  If you are the middle child, you will have what she said, but starting with the third child.  If you are the last child, you will have what your mother had in the exact order.  I think this tale only works when the parent’s had three kids.  

Old Wives Tale #26:  Time of Conception

The person that is most aggressive in bed at the time of conception is the opposite of what the baby will be.  In this case, we’ll have a girl.  (I’m not always boring in bed, but I had too much to drink on this night and I know that I was not very aggressive.)

Old Wives Tale #27:  Legs

If your legs get really big, you’re having a boy.  If your legs stay in shape and lean, it’s a girl.  I think it’s too early for me to tell on this one.

Old Wives Tale #28:  Moodiness and a Little Pecker

If you are really moody, you are having a girl since you have another extra girl hormones in you.  Your pregnancy will make you smile and be more happy if you are having a boy because there’s a little penis inside you.  Not sure how true this is, but it sure does make me laugh!

Old Wives Tale #29:  Bread

If you eat the ends of bread, it’s a boy.  If you eat the middle of the load, it’s a girl.  I’ve never liked the ends of bread and always have eaten from the middle… Another point for a little girl.  

Old Wives Tale #30:  Chinese Gender Chart

The Chinese Gender Chart claims to have an accuracy rate of over 90%.  It is based on how old the mother is at conception and the month that she conceived.  This tale tells me that I’ve having a girl.  

Old Wives Tale #31:  Mom’s Beauty

Basically you are having a girl if your beauty disappears during pregnancy.  It is said that the girl “steals” the mother’s beauty.  If you think that pregnancy has never made you look more beautiful, you might just be having a little boy.  

Old Wives Tale #32:  Dream of Sex of Baby

If you have dreams that you are having a boy, you will have a girl.  If you dream about having a girl, it will be a boy.  Dreams show the opposite of what you are having.  I’ve only had a dream that I was having twins, and there’s only one baby in there, so maybe there’s some truth to this…  or maybe it’s just a coincidence!

Old Wives Tale #33:  Clumsy vs. Graceful

If the pregnant woman is graceful throughout her pregnancy, she’s having a girl.  If she becomes clumsy, she’s having a boy.  

Old Wives Tale #34:  Toddlers

If a toddler boy expresses interest in a pregnant woman, she is having a girl.  If he doesn’t show interest, she’s having a boy.  

Old Wives Tale #35:  Side You Most Rest On

If a pregnant woman prefers to lay on her left side, she’s having a boy.  If she prefers resting on her right side, she’s having a girl.  I prefer my right side lately.  Hmm.

Old Wives Tale #36:  Hands

When the pregnant woman is asked to show her hands, it’s a boy if she keeps her palms down and a girl if she shows her palms up.  

Old Wives Tale #37:  Dad’s Weight Gain

If the dad-to-be gains weight while you are pregnant, it’s a girl.  If he doesn’t gain weight, you’re having a boy.  So far Tarzan has lost a couple of pounds (while eating ice cream), so maybe a boy is what we’re having.

Old Wives Tale #38:  Breast Test

If a pregnant woman’s left breast is larger than the right breast, she’s having a girl.  If the right breast is larger, it’s a boy.  I just told Tarzan the other day that my left breast is significantly larger than the right one.  A girl maybe?

Old Wives Tale #39:  Necklace Over Hand

Have someone hold a necklace over your hand.  If the necklace swings back and forth, it’s a boy.  If it moves in a circle, it’s a girl.  Last summer one of my friends did this test to me at a crawfish boil.  It was done three times and the results were:  girl, boy, and girl.  She also did it to other people, some pregnant, some not, and some that already had kids.  This test was right 100% of the time.  Pretty interesting if you ask me.   

Old Wives Tale #40:  What Do You Think?

71% of the time, the mom-to-be knows what she is having.  I might be falling into the old wives tale trap, or maybe I just want a little girl, but I feel like it is a girl.  I guess we’ll find out in 2.5 weeks!  

Old Wives Tale #41:  Morning Sickness

If you had a smooth pregnancy with no morning sickness, it’s a boy.  If you were sick or felt really nauseous during your pregnancy, count on a girl.  As you know, I have only thrown up once, but I’ve been extremely nauseous more often than not.  Girl again perhaps. 

Old Wives Tale #42:  Areolae

If your areolae (the part around your nips) have darkened, it’s a boy.   Considering my areolae only look like they’ve eaten my boobs, all while staying the same color, another sign pointing to a little girl.  

Old Wives Tale #43:  Protein

When a pregnant woman craves meat and cheese, count on a boy.  

Old Wives Tale #44:  Feet

Are your feet colder now that you are pregnant?  If so, you just might be having a boy.  If your feet have stayed the same before pregnancy and during, you’re having a little girl.  

Old Wives Tale #45:  Hair on Legs

If the hair on your legs has been growing at record speeds, you might be having a boy.  

Old Wives Tale #46:  Hands are Dry

If your hands are constantly dry, it’s a boy.    

Old Wives Tale #47:  Urine

What color is your pee?  If it is bright yellow, you will have a little boy.  If your urine is a dull yellow, plan on a girl.  

Old Wives Tale #48:  Nose

Do you feel like your nose is growing and getting wider?  If so, you might be having a boy.    

Old Wives Tale #49:  Headaches

If you are having headaches, you might be carrying a boy.  I’ve definitely had an increase in headaches, so I wonder… 

Old Wives Tale #50:  Drinking Water

Drinking water is really important when pregnant.  An old wives tale was that if the mom-to-be wasn’t drinking enough water daily, the amniotic fluid would be really dirty for the baby.  Drinking tons of water will help you stay hydrated, but has no correlation with how clean or dirty the amniotic sac is.  

Old Wives Tale #51:  Baby Names

It is said that when you can only think of specific names for a boy or a girl, you will have that particularly baby.  We can only agree on girls names, so we’ll see how accurate this one is.

Do You Know Of An Old Wives
Tale Not Listed Above?

Share yours below below!

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Is maternity shopping a gradual thing?  

It seems like, even though I wish for all the extra weight to go right to my stomach, it just might go to my as$, arms, legs, and thighs.  (I’m really keeping my fingers crossed that it’s contained in my belly and you do the same for me too.)

Yesterday my friend and I went to A Pea in the Pod, which is also Motherhood Maternity as well.  I was surprised that there are, in fact, cute maternity clothes for pregnant women.  And some of these clothes are really expensive!  

I want to buy a nice pair of maternity jeans, but with the designer label and fit.  I noticed the tag said they were like $200.  That’s pretty steep for a pair of pants that you might not be able to wear throughout your whole pregnancy.  It’s made me rethink that purchase, at least until I get a better feel for where I’ll be gaining weight.

All of you that are further along than I am, or if you have already been pregnant, when did you start buying maternity clothes?  When did you really start gaining weight?  

My biggest fear about maternity clothes is that I’m going to buy a lot of stuff and then I will have to re-buy in a couple of months because the original stuff won’t fit anymore.  

Have you found this to be true?

If you have, how do you build a worthwhile wardrobe without spending tons of money?  Is it best that I just purchase a few items here and there, or is there nothing wrong with going crazy and buying a lot of stuff?  I really don’t want to outgrow things in a month and have to keep buying more clothes.

It just gets confusing because I haven’t really seen a lot of stores that have maternity clothes.  Does this mean that not only pregnant women don’t have a lot of choices for their pregnancy wardrobe, but all pregnant women will be walking around wearing the same clothes?  Ugh.  

How do you get excited about that?

Please give me some advice about maternity clothes: When to buy, what to expect, and stores that you like that carry maternity clothes.  

Now onto a completely different topic:  Pimples.  

Um, why do I have 2 pimples on my face right now?  

I have never had a problem with pimples or acne.  Not even in jr. high or high school when this is most likely.  Now that I’m pregnant, my body decides to lay two big, ugly, and sometimes itchy pimples ON MY FACE?  Why not somewhere where they couldn’t be seen by others?  Shoot, I would even take my butt instead of my face.  Oye.  

Yes, I might sound vain, but I am completely freaking out about this.  I don’t own cover-up and I certainly don’t know how to expertly cover these bad boys up.  And remember, my friend is in town so it’s not like I can just stay at home.  

Please also spread the advice of what to do when pimples strike when pregnant?  It’s like my hormones are getting me back for having clear and nice skin my whole life.  

Welcome to pregnancy, Jane.

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Since this pregnancy blog is “our secret place” that we’ll never ever tell friends or family about, Jane and I feel very comfortable sharing our thoughts, photos, and happenings with the world.  So with that said, let’s take a journey into the mind of Tarzan, a soon-to-be father.

Warning: To this point most of my pregnancy blog posts have been on the humorous side… this post will be taking a different road…

Pregnant Father Thought 1: Tarzan was a wild kid: Will our baby be a wild child, too?

Jane was a goodie-goodie.  (Although she’ll never admit to that!)  She never really got into too much trouble.  She was the typical girly-girl into ballet, gymnastics, cheerleading, and everything was more or less a ’sugar and spice’ life.

Now take me (Tarzan) on the other hand and I was completely opposite of Jane.  I was suspended from school more than I went to school.  I gave all teachers a very, very hard time.  Authority really bothered me.  There were a few fights I got into, but it was my mouth and/or actions that kept me in trouble all throughout school.  I did somehow graduate high school, at the bottom of my class, with a 1. something GPA.  

Fast forward until now (I’m 30) and I turned out pretty good considering my life and wild party-loving lifestyle I lived in my teen years where encounters with the police were common for me, except the few times I did manage to outrun them.

So that’s a big concern for me. I don’t know how my parents managed to raise me. And I would have no clue how to raise a wild kid like I was. I didn’t listen. I didn’t care. And in many ways, I thought I was invincible.

I clearly remember my parents and grandmother telling me hundreds of times, “just wait until you have kids, then you’ll understand.”  Uh oh. I hope our baby doesn’t have that rebellious bone in his/her body.  If he/she does, Jane has no clue what she is in for.  Maybe I should build a bomb shelter in our backyard to prepare for what may be coming. LOL

Pregnant Father Thought 2: Tarzan and Jane both have ADD: Big Time

One of the main reasons why I was so horrible in school was that I was bored out of my mind.  In the small town I grew up in, they had no clue about ADD in the 90’s.  I was just labeled as someone who had the attention span of an ant.  Heck, when I was in grades 1-5, I spent a lot of time with the ’special kids’ in the back of the room because some thought I had some learning disability.

Little did they know that I actually had a unique learning Ability.

Both Jane and I have ADD badly. We could both could have been the poster children for ADD.  I’ve read about 20+ books on ADD (I was self diagnosed and for the most part, self treated) and I understand two huge facts about ADD.  (We don’t have ADHD, which makes one hyper-active – we just have ADD where we can’t focus on one thing for too long among the 100 other ADD traits.)

Anyway, the first fact I’ve learned is that ADD can easily be used as an ADDvantatage. People who have ADD just use their brains differently. They can think outside of the box, they’re usually very creative with music, art, computers, business, etc.  The second big fact is that ADD is hereditary.  So there is no doubt that our child will have ADD – big time!

The good thing is that there is a lot more known about ADD and how to raise a child who has ADD.  I was at the bookstore a few days ago and saw a whole section on raising an ADD child, how to teach them, and how to help them use their ADD to their advantage.  So I’m not too concerned about this one… as long as our child isn’t ADHD, then I’m up the creek without a paddle!

Pregnant Father Thought 3: A random call from my father while he was at work…

About a week ago my phone rang and saw it was my father.  He was on break and said he just wanted to call and share something he’s been thinking about for awhile.  He told me that he’ll always give me his “Dad Advice” as he calls it.  (These are little tid-bits he’s always given me over the years on his views of life, his thoughts about things I’m doing in life, etc.)  I’ve always valued them.

But then he said that he wanted me to know that once Jane and I have our baby, he will always give us the freedom to raise our child as we see fit.  He’ll never interfere.  And he’ll never give “Dad advice” on how to raise our child unless I come to him to ask for his thoughts on something.  He said it was important to him that I knew that.  I said I really appreciated that, we chatted for a minute, and then got off the phone.

Since that call, what he said to me didn’t really sink in until a few days after.  I’ve heard so many stories and I’ve seen it first-hand where the grandparents can often tell their kids that they should do this, or they should be doing that with their child.  I’ve talked to friends in the past who were going out of their minds because their parents were telling them that they were doing something wrong, or they should raise their child this way or that way.

So for my father to let me know basically that he won’t be one of “those parents” and trusts Jane and my abilities to raise a child, and that he’ll be there if I need advice, but won’t ever get in our way was very cool of him.  I have a lot of respect for my father.  Always have.  And his call to me the other day raised the bar even more.

Pregnant Father Thought 4: Money. I’ll admit it… I’m freaking out here. 

I’m not going to lie.  2008 was my worst year financially I’ve had for a long time.  By the end of the year, I had lost most of my clients for a variety of reasons, but the underlining reasons was due to the economy.  Money has gotten tighter and tighter.  And one of the big reasons why Jane and I wanted to wait a little while to try for a child was because since we are self-employed, we would have to purchase maternity insurance BEFORE Jane got pregnant.

I believe it was around $600 a month or so – I can’t remember how much it was.  But it was a lot.  So we wanted to wait until we had more income coming in and I picked up a few new clients in 2009 before we got the maternity insurance.

Well, as you know, I got Jane pregnant on Halloween night.  To read the whole story, see our about us page. (Opens in a new window.)

So long story short, we are paying the doctor over $500 a month for many months leading up to the birth of our child.  Then we’ll have the many, many hospital bills.  I figure it will be somewhere between $10,000 and $15,000 out of pocket before all is said and done.

HOWEVER, if Jane for some reasons has to have a c-section, the hospital bill could quickly turn into over $50,000. (Which happened to a friend of a friend – their bills were over $50,000.)  And God forbid there are any little complications here or there, the bill could quickly jump to well over $100,000.

We would be responsible for paying all of it our of pocket.  So believe me, I pray everyday that Jane has a very smooth and easy childbirth and everything is A-OK with her, the baby, and everything else.  Now of course I first pray that everything will be OK health-wise and everything first, but I think it’s natural to also have the financial part in the back of my mind, too since any complications would ruin us financially.

Being self-employed has its benefits, but I’m telling you right now, the system is not fair.  We work very hard, we pay all of our taxes, and we don’t expect or want any free rides.  However, I know of many stories where others who have no insurance go to the emergency room when they are about to pop out their baby, they can’t speak a word of english, and end up paying nothing. The hospital swallows the bill.  That happens all the time.

But for us, we’ll of course be stuck with the full bill and will be paying the full bill.  There is no way to get maternity insurance after you’re pregnant.  The system is seriously flawed for self-employed people like Jane and I.

So each and every single day I have the financial side of things weighing on my back.  And the way the economy is going, and where it is headed in 2009 (doesn’t look good!) it’s going to be a fight to get all these bills paid I think.  And as a man, a soon-t0-be father, a husband, etc. my gut instinct is to “provide for the family”.  And that of course includes financially.  I’m concerned.  I’m worried.  I’m freaking out a little at times.  There isn’t a moment that goes by where the financial side of things isn’t on my mind, or at the very least, sits in the back of my mind and  plays a huge roll on all buying decisions.

Pregnant Father Thought 5: I need to get my groove on, Jane!

Sorry everyone. In most of my posts lately I talk about sex (lack there of), Jane’s boobs, and so on.  They say a guy thinks about sex like 50 times or day or something.  That is 100% true normally.  But when your wife is 12 weeks pregnant and in the first trimester, I think about sex about 32,972 times a day now!

Also, with the stress I have (because of some of the things I talk about above), I know it would be nice and healthy for me to release some of all this balled up stress.  And I’ve read that sex is one of the best stress relievers in the world!

Now don’t get me wrong. I totally understand that Jane doesn’t feel too sexy right now.  I also understand that she sometimes gets headaches during the day or night lately, or her belly feels a little funny, or she’s just ‘not in the mood at all’.  I totally and completely understand and respect all of that.  I really do.

But I’ll tell you want, seeing her start to get a belly is very sexy to me.  I’ve talked about that in some of my previous pregnancy blog posts.  And seeing her “porn star boobs” as Jane calls them just adds to my frustrations at times.  So I’ll apologize ahead of time here.  I’ll be talking about sex (lack of) and boobs (oh how I miss them!) often here as a way to get my frustrations out.  And believe it or not, blogging about my sexual frustrations as a soon-to-be father does help a little!

So hopefully one of these days Jane’s hormones will trigger or flip/flop and turn her into a non-stop sex machine that can’t get enough of me!  HA!  OK, I know, wishful thinking… but still a slight possibility… maybe…

Pregnant Father Thought 6: My biggest fear… being a workaholic father who misses out…

This is tied into my thought # 4.  Money.  I know that this year I’ll have to work harder than I ever have before to make things happen, get clients, and make money.  It’s been very tough over the last few months and as more and more people tighten their wallets, it’s getting REALLY hard.  I know that I’ll need to come up with some creative ideas… AND SOON!

But here is my fear… and it’s something that I’ve said since I was around 18 years old.  (I’m now 30 years old)  I never want to be one of those fathers who works all the time and misses out on those little moments in your child’s life that matter most.  His or her first word, the first few steps, the first “I love you”, the first laugh, the first smile, the first anything.  I want to be there and see them all.

My father was and is has always been there.  He captured my first walk on video.  He was there for many of my “firsts” and I want to do the same.  However, I know that we’re in for some rough times ahead and I’m already working more hours than I care to admit here.  I just hope that I can make some big things happen so I can be there with Jane and our baby to witness many of our baby’s first.

I do not want to become one of those fathers you always hear about that is always away on business trips, always stays late at the office working, and is so focused on work that he loses touch with the things that matter most in life.  I hope that because I’m aware of this danger now that I’ll be able to do all I can to ensure I don’t turn into one of those fathers.

And because of my personality… I work very hard, I love what I do, and I enjoy my work, I know that this is a potential danger for me… especially if money becomes a huge struggle with us due to hospital bills, lack of clients, etc.  I’ll have no choice but to dive deeper into work to do all I can to make money to support my family.

The good news is that Jane is only 12 weeks pregnant.  We still have several weeks to go.  Heck, we have several months to go.  I have time to get a lot of new things going and I’m busting my ass to do all I can to make big things happen so we can breathe a little by the time our baby arrives.

Well, sorry for the more down-to-earth, more serious blog post today.  That’s the thing about this pregnancy blog.  You just never know what we’ll be sharing. And as I’ve mentioned, because none of our friends or family know about this blog (and they will never know!) Jane and I can really share some deep dark secrets and thoughts here.

I’m sure that many other soon-to-be moms and dads can relate to a lot of the things we’re going through right now.  And I’m sure that if you can relate, I bet many of these things are not topics that you share with your friends and family.  These are usually things that just the soon-to-be parents secretly talk about in private I would imagine.

In Closing…. Thanks for your comments – we appreciate you!

Jane and I really appreciate all of the comments on our pregnancy blog posts.  

We enjoy reading all of them and appreciate you taking the time to read our blog and posting responses if you have a comment, a thought you wanted to share, you’re just saying hello, or you have some advice for us.

What’s really cool is that some comments posted yesterday were posted by some mom’s who already went through all of this, and they shared some GREAT words of wisdom with us.  

I’m not kidding here, but some of the things that were said by some of you yesterday will be thoughts I keep in my mind for many, many years to come.

For those of you who have already had a child and have some great parenting or pregnancy advise to share with us, we’re all ears!  We’re learning a lot and know there is still so much to learn!

For those of you who are on this pregnancy journey with us (you’re expecting parents as well), we hope you’ll keep us posted on your journey as well by your comments.  You can feel safe knowing that you can post about anything here – you don’t have to let anyone know who you are.  :)  And believe me… it feels GOOD to be able to let all these thoughts and feelings out!

It feels as good as sex!  Uhhh… not even close!  LOL  But it does help clear your mind… minus the lack of sex part if you’re a fellow father-to-be suffering like I am!  :(

Thanks again everyone – Jane and I appreciate you!

- Tarzan

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