Today I added the last few bills that have come in on the cost to have a baby without maternity insurance page.   Believe it or not, we’re still waiting to hear back from Quest Diagnostics on Jane’s February visit.  But as you can imagine, I’m not going to call and remind them, “hey, don’t forget that you still need to send us that bill we talked to you about in February!”

So what’s the final grand total? A whopping $10,529.09.  Urgh.  But you know what?  We have a healthy baby boy who did not have any complications and a Mommy who did a great job delivering Monkey who also didn’t have any complications.  And for that we are truly blessed and thankful beyond words.  So although I can keep beating that horse to death, I’m going to let it go.  What’s done is done and what’s paid is paid – and besides, our Monkey is worth billions of times that to us!

I hope that page has helped others make important decisions when it comes planning on having a baby without maternity insurance.  That number is the LOWEST we could get it.  We saved a LOT not paying full price for anything.  I’d say it would have been more like $25,000.00 or more if we were not able to pay upfront and work out cash discounts with everyone.

So what’s done is done and I’ve moved onto the next battle…

Health Insurance For Baby Monkey

Oh My God.  Now I’m not someone who really watches the news, but I can’t help see the buzz and craziness going on in the healthcare industry.  Now I’m going to leave that subject alone as I’m sure many of you share the same thoughts as I do on this one.

So we have 30 days to add Monkey to our health insurance and I called them up and find out how much it would cost to add Monkey to the policy.

Are you ready for this?

$310.00 PER MONTH

WHAT!?

Granted, Jane and I are self employed and we pay for our own health insurance (hence why we did not have maternity insurance).  So we have to pay out of our pockets for health coverage.

Just for health insurance alone between the three of us, that’s over $1,000 per month.  Now I’m adding Monkey on the policy tomorrow just to buy a little time.  I’m looking at other companies and other plans within the company I’m currently with.  I was told about a plan where his would be $220 per month, but there was a lot to it and I asked them to email me info on it.  So over the next week or so I’ll be figuring out what to do.

Paying $1,000 a month for health insurance when you are a young healthy couple is INSANE.  No wonder why there are millions of people in the US who do not have health insurance – especially if they are self employed.  And to be honest, now that Monkey is here and how crazy the economy is, there is no way we’re going to pay that.  That’s $12,000 per year for a healthy couple and baby.  What in the heck is it going to cost us when we’re 60???

Again, there is no way in heck we’re going to pay that – but I needed to get Monkey on the insurance so he is covered since the 30 day window is coming up fast.  So I’ll begin the search for a new insurance – if anyone knows of something we could join being self employed in Texas that would lower our costs – like being in some group or something, please, please let us know here or via email.

There’s got to be something available out there that I’ve never heard about, right?  I can tell you that there is NOTHING – ZERO if you are self-employed and have no maternity insurance and earn a little over the poverty level.  No one will help you and there are no organizations set up to help people who are self-employed and find themselves with a bun in the oven.  I’m really hoping that we will not face the same battle trying to find affordable health insurance.

If so, then my feelings for entrepreneurism, self-employment, small business etc. in this country will drastically change.  Small business used to fuel this country.  It used to be the way to go.  It used to provide you more freedom.  But between all of the above roadblocks, no help, and getting stuck with more taxes than ever before, I fear a grim future.  I’ll always do my best to reframe from anything to do with politics or putting our Nations systems, plans, etc. down.  That’s not what this blog is for.

However, Jane and I were very fortunate to be able to make it though this – and not end up with tens of thousands of dollars in debt owed to doctors and hospitals.  Sadly, there are hundreds, even thousands of people who aren’t so lucky – and it’s those people who I’m worried about because there’s just nothing available for them.

If you have any ideas or places for me to contact about health insurance for the self employed, please comment below for us and for any of our readers who are in – or find themselves in this crazy situation.

Thanks.

P.S… Because life has become so busy (for obvious reasons) Jane and I very much want to keep up with our readers and be among the first to congratulate you when you have your baby.  We talked about this the other day – that it’s nearly impossible for us to know who’s due when, and who has had their baby.  We want to hear your stories!  We want to give you a BIG congrats as I’m sure many others do as well.  I’ve been trying to think of a way that would work for everyone and I think I have an idea that may work.  If I create a page for you guys to post to let Jane and I and everyone else know when you’ve had your baby and a link to your blog post if you have one and/or a place for you to share your story, would you guys like that, use that, and read it?  UPDATE: I just created the page – linked at the top our our site called, “The Baby Page“.

P.P.S… Please send good vibes/good energy/prayers towards my family member. She had to have an emergency c-section yesterday at 29.5 weeks due to massive and dangerous complications.  Baby is in the NICU and of course hooked up to everything you can think of and doing OK.  Mom is recovering.

Related posts:

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On Twitter the other day I asked people’s opinions about whether or not I should bring my own unopened bottle of Ibuprofen and stool softeners.  (Ibuprofen for any after birth pain and stool softeners to make things come out more easily in case there is tearing involved after labor and delivery.)

Many people told me not to worry about it.  ”That’s what insurance is for”, they said.  Oh, I only wish it were that easy!

After I explained that we are maternity insurance-less (see how much having a baby costs without it here), and the fact that I’ve heard that just one pill can cost between $25-$50, I wanted to make sure that I was prepared.  After all, who wants to spend more money than they have to, right?

I put in a call to the hospital that I will be delivering baby T. at three days ago.  You can imagine how surprised I was when they called me back today; I had totally forgotten about it.

The financial counselor, or whatever her official title is, told me that I needed not to worry because pills, food, room & board, diapers, bulb syringes, and anything else baby-related is covered in the price that we paid.  Whew.  What a relief to hear that!

She said that the only, and I made sure of this, way that we would get a bill for anything extra is if there are complications and the baby has to stay in the NICU.  (Please, please, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers that when the time comes he is healthy and won’t need to stay there.)

So while this whole baby thing has come with surprises, I am pleasantly happy with the fact that something seems to go our way and that pills will be provided at no additional cost to us.

After all, we’ve already paid the $3500 for it!

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Pregnant Jane has been asking me for the last few days to confess on our pregnancy blog about my “packing for the hospital” ordeal.  Now before I dive into the whole “packing for the hospital” bit, Jane wanted me to share what I have prepared in our car for you.

The other day to get the ball rolling, I did something that has become  a target for laughter for Pregnant Jane, and she seems to want to show and share with anyone who goes into our car!

Hidden behind the backseat is a shopping bag filled with three large towels and three large garbage bags.  To me, this seems to make a lot of sense because of Jane’s water breaks in the car, or she is leaking all over the place on the way to the hospital, it only makes sense for me to use the towels and garbage bags on the seat and wrap Jane in them.

I mean imagine it… We’re driving down the road and all in a sudden, “WOOOOOOOSH!” and “SPLASH!”  Jane’s water breaks and water is squirting out from her vagina going everywhere like a uncontrollable water hose squirting all over the place.  The windows would be covered, I’d be covered, and the inside of our car would be a huge mess!

I could quickly pull over, grab the bag of towels and garbage bags and quickly cover the interior of our car and if needed, ourselves from the water squirting all over the place.

Or, if Jane’s water breaks at home, I could rush to the car and quickly make a little nest of garbage bags and towels on the passenger seat for Jane to sit on.  To me, this makes total sense to do.  It protects Jane, me, and our car from getting soaked by the explosion of water comparable to Old Fateful, I’d imagine.

Although Jane and her friends think it’s funny, I can sleep well at night knowing that when our bags are packed and we’re driving to the hospital while Jane is in labor, we’ll have a nice and dry drive.  I’ll be the one with the last laugh and a very, very rare, “I told you so”, which I’ll wait to say when Jane’s hormones are back to normal.

Now as far as what to pack for the hospital when your wife is pregnant – and when to pack for the hospital trip, Jane and I have been having a little issue here.  Well, let me correct that…. Packing for the hospital has been a BIG issue, for me anyway!

I think it was about a week ago that I mentioned here that with Jane being around 9 months pregnant, that we really needed to get on the ball and start packing for the hospital.  And how much do we have packed?

ZERO.

Zilch.

Nothing.

Each and every single day I feel the massive urge for both Pregnant Jane and I to pack our bags and have them ready by the door.  With each “ouch” and “whoa” she says when Baby Tarzan moves I’m freaking out because our bags aren’t packed yet.  My biggest fear is that Jane goes into labor, we have no time to pack, run to the hospital with Jane in her PJ’s and me in my boxers, and we’re stuck wearing that for a few days.

Or worse, I’m stuck wearing one of those hospital gowns with my ass hanging out the whole time we’re at the hospital because we didn’t pack our bags soon enough!

So day after day, I tell Jane, “We need to pack tonight!  We have to!”  Jane is all casual and calm about it.  She’s more relaxed about it than anything I’ve ever seen her be relaxed about.  WTH!?!?  You’re 9 months pregnant!  Your pregnant belly has reached maximum capacity!  Baby Tarzan can come out at any minute.  We’re in the green, meaning he can come any day, any minute, any second!  AHHHHHH!

We need to pack now – we have to!  We’ll have no clothes to wear.  No deodorant.  No toothpaste.  No underwear.  No camera.  No video camera.  No computers.  No nothing!  We’ll just show up to the hospital 1/2 naked (but dry thanks to the towels and garbage bags), nurses and doctors will be looking at us like we’re crazy, and my first photo of me holding Baby Tarzan will be of me in my boxers, 1/2 naked, dirty, smelly, and wishing we had packed the night before!

Pregnant Jane, we need to pack for the trip to the hospital!  Right now!

You will be 38 weeks pregnant tomorrow!  38 weeks!  That’s 38 out of 40.  Meaning Baby Tarzan can arrive ANY day now.  Meaning your husband is officially freaking out.  I’m going to be a father any day now!  WHOA!  A dad?  Me?  Wait, we need to pack our bags!  He’s coming!  38 weeks of pregnancy means he’s just about finished baking and will want to come out soon – maybe even tonight!  Packing for the hospital is an absolute must!

And what has been Pregnant Jane’s response each and every single time I have asked her if we can pack our bags for the hospital stay?  Here it is….

She says something like, “If we pack now, that’s when I’m going to go into labor.”  My reaction is, “WHAT!?” She has gone on to say that she has a feeling that when we’re all packed and everything is ready that Baby Tarzan will decide it’s time to start making his move.  She says it’s the final thing to do, and once that is done, the labor will begin.

WHAT!?  How is that possible!?  She has said this to me over and over again – and what’s crazy about it is that she is so calm and so sure about it.  She is very believable about it.  She almost calmed me down and got me to think that way a few times.  But thankfully I snap out of the pregnancy spell and the urge to pack RIGHT NOW kicks back in.

I’ve warned Jane that if she doesn’t pack soon, then I will for her and I’ll look for the craziest outfit I can find for her to wear for the trip home from the hospital to pack!  Now obviously I wouldn’t do that to my beautiful Jane, but I’m trying to get her motivated to pack now.  The clock is ticking LOUDLY!  I have a feeling that Baby Tarzan is looking at his watch right now and saying, “huh, I guess it’s about time I get out of here.  I have things to do, places to go, and people to meet!”

The good news out of all of this is that Pregnant Jane told me that we will FOR SURE pack tomorrow.  However, she has said this to me many times over the last couple of weeks. I don’t think I can wait much longer!  But, come hell or high water, I’m going to pack tomorrow – even if it’s just me packing my own stuff.  I need to pack.  I have to pack.  I just have to and need to – we must pack now!   It’s almost time!  We must hurry and pack our bags!

So, with all the above said, what does an expecting father pack?  Here’s my list of what I’ll be brining along with Pregnant Jane, to the hospital with me when she goes into labor…  (Remind me to bring Pregnant Jane with me when I rush out the door and jump in the car and drive to the hospital!)

What A Soon-To-Be Father Is Bringing To The Hospital

1. Two pairs of shorts
2. A pair of jeans
3. Three pairs of boxers
4. My toiletry bag with all the goodies like toothpaste, deodorant, a comb, floss, etc.
5. A pen and a notebook in case I want to write or draw a picture
6. Laptop
7. Video camera
8. Digital camera
9. The bag of baby stuff, like Baby Tarzan’s first outfit to come home in
10. A hat
11. Swimming trunks (so I can shower with Jane – and so a nurse doesn’t see my manhood item that got us into this situation)
12. Two or three books to read
13. Gum to chew on
14. My cell phone
15. My iPod
16. A roll of quarters and cash for the vending machine if I get hungry or thirsty
17.  Oh, and I can’t forget the most important…. my pregnant wife in labor!

Number 11 also reminds me of something… I heard that you cannot have sex for six weeks after your wife has your baby.  Six weeks.  Six weeks?  I know that we went for a few of those no sex for six weeks at the beginning of Jane’s pregnancy, but I don’t remember any of it.  It must have affected me so much that I blocked it out of my mind.

No sex for six weeks.  Oh no… Another subject for another day.  Anyway…

So why all these extra items for the trip to the hospital?  Well, a friend who recently went through this was happy he brought his laptop and iPod.  He and his wife were in their room for a good 24 hours before she gave birth.  They just hung out, watched TV, got on their computers, and played a game or two.

So I want to be prepared to make sure I’m not stuck watching the “how to breast feed your baby” show on the Mom-To-Be channel or whatever it’s called for hours on end.

Oh, and I’m also going to bring all of the receipts and statements I have for the $10,000 + that we have paid to the hospital and Jane’s doctor.  (See the cost to have a baby without maternity insurance post.)  I don’t want any costly surprises from anyone and want to prove that everything (I hope!) has been paid for!

Anything else a father-to-be should bring to the hospital?

Anything I’m forgetting?

OK… I need to go…. I seriously think I should start packing…. RIGHT NOW.

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I’ve heard about the Ricki Lake movie “The Business of Being Born” for some time now, but haven’t actually looked into watching it.  The other night as I was scrolling down to see what was on tv I saw that the movie was coming on one of the movie channels so I was happy to get to watch it since I obviously wasn’t being proactive on finding the movie out on my own.

It sort of made me wish that I watched it earlier in my pregnant instead of waiting until I was 37 weeks pregnant.  Oh well, what do you do?

I would recommend anyone watching it just to get a better idea on the whole hospital, midwife, birthing center, intervention options.  And I would recommend watching it early in your pregnancy so that you can actually form your own opinion about how you want to give birth.

I’m still okay with my choice of having my OB deliver my baby in a hospital, but I will admit that next time around I just might go a different route.  I like the idea of a home birth, but I am not sure that I could do that.  I think I would worry too much about the “what ifs” if I was at home.  What I do like about home births is the fact that you move around, could be in a tub, etc, and when you have your baby, it’s all about you and your new baby.

You aren’t hooked up to tons of machines getting tons of medicine and the same goes for your baby.  It seems peaceful and I like how the bonding between mom and baby was present.  Also, the natural high after childbirth seemed really fabulous too.

It’s funny because when we first started blogging about paying out of pocket for my OB and the hospital cost, many of you suggested the whole midwife route.  I will admit that I made a decision to use my OB because it’s just what I was comfortable with, but I will also admit that I probably should have done a little more research on the alternative.  I like the atmosphere in the room and the attention that is given with a midwife.

And, not going to lie, the cost is pretty fantastic too.  (We have paid over $10,000 for baby costs so far.  You can see the breakdown of costs here.  I hear that we could have paid about $4,000 instead.)

What I have known from the beginning of my pregnancy is that I am not a fan of having to be induced.  I do not want to be given synthetic drugs to move along the process; I just want the baby to come out naturally when he is ready.  (Of course I’m talking about him being healthy for all of this to work.)

In fact, I’m more terrified of pitocin than I am if I had to have a c-section.  I don’t like the idea of being super drugged up.  Yes, I am planning to get an epidural, but that’s really only when the pain is not tolerable anymore.  (After watching the movie I did think about what a badass I would be if I went completely natural, but I don’t want to get in over my head there either.  I like having the option of the epidural, should I still go that route.)

Another thing that I learned after watching “The Business of Being Born” is how c-sections have skyrocketed in the past years.  I can’t believe how many people elect to have them without having a medical reason to do so.  I checked my hospitals c-section rate and while it’s 43%, they do deliver over 10,000 babies per year and have an excellent NICU.

I guess it’s all relative, but I just hope that my labor and delivery goes smoothly, without many synthetic drugs.  I hate the idea of having to stay in the hospital for 2 days (hopefully not more).  I hate the idea of being hooked up to machines and having a catheter with an epidural.  I hate the idea of having to labor in a bed solely.

But, while I can list many negatives of the hospital experience, I love my OB and I trust that I’m in excellent hands with her.  She knows what I hope for in my labor and delivery and assuming my little boy is healthy and on the same page too, I know things will be as close to what I want as possible.

And seeing “The Business of Being Born” and knowing what I know now, the next pregnancy I will be a lot more informed about my options and, who knows, I just might try out a birthing center, home birth, or end up in the hospital again.  But I’ll worry about that pregnancy when the time comes.

Right now I’m just focusing on meeting my little man and having a little getaway… in the hospital.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?!

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Before I go into detail about the Jane going into labor scare today, let’s talk about the cost to have a baby with no maternity insurance.  The cost to have a baby officially broke the $10,000 mark the other day - which is the amount we’ve paid thus far out of our pocket.  

We’ve done everything we can to negotiate the lowest amount hospitals, doctors, blood work people, etc. all the way to the cash price for Pregnant Jane’s delivery at the hospital.  I’m sure we’d be near $20,000.00 if we didn’t do what we could to get the lowest cash prices.

See the cost to have a baby without maternity insurance page for a full run-down on costs.

Uhhhhhgggh.  $10,000 is a lot of money.  But I’m not going to focus on that at all.  What’s done is done and what’s paid is paid.  We’re getting too close to the birth of Tarzan Junior to worry about it.  There are more important things to worry about, right!?

Like one thing that I need to work on is how to swaddle a baby.  At the class Jane and I took the other day, I did my best following the instructions on the DVD we were watching, but I had some blanket left over and the only place where it would fit is around the dolls neck.  I think I failed that part of the class.  In fact, I know I did.  I’ll need to practice swaddling – that’s for sure.

Besides working on learning how to swaddle a baby, I also need to somehow strengthen my stomach.  Yes, I have a very weak stomach when it comes to any types of body fluids – especially those that smell.  I can’t get a part of the video out of my head when they removed the diaper of a baby’s first poop and how much of a mess it was!  The stuff was EVERYWHERE!

I have a feeling that after dealing with baby poop 15 times or so a day you get pretty used to it after awhile.  But those first few days or weeks are going to be rough.  I’m thinking of investing in rubber gloves for my hands, clothes pins for my nose, a garbage bag I can put some holes in and make a shirt, a face mask, some goggles, and a snorkel.  I should be well prepared for whatever is squirted my way – literally! ha ha!

Next… I thought Jane was going into labor today!

I was in the kitchen this morning and Pregnant Jane was still in bed sleeping.  I was about to head up to my office when I hear Jane moan and then cry out in pain.  She cried out in pain a few times as I rushed into the bedroom.

Thoughts of seeing her holding her stomach and seeing fluids squirting out all over the room as her water broke flashed through my mind.  I remember panicking a little because the thought that we haven’t packed a bag for her yet raced through my mind.  Who do I call?  Her doctor?  911?  Do I drive her to the hospital? 

Am I going to have to deliver little Tarzan Junior on my own while someone from 911 walks me though it?

So many thoughts raced through my mind within about 7 seconds.  I rushed into the bedroom and Jane is hunched over in pain.  ”What’s wrong!?  What’s going on!?  Are you OK!?  What hurts!?  Where are you hurting!?” I asked with rapid-fire questions.

The blanket was over her so all I could see was that she was hunched over and in a ton of pain making all sorts of “I’m in a hell of a lot of pain” noises.  I quickly took the blanket off of her and saw that she was grabbing her leg.

“I have a really, really bad charlie horse – it hurts so bad!”  Pregnant Jane cried out.

I told her to try and straighten her leg and she couldn’t initially.  After another 15 seconds or so, she could finally straighten her leg out and the pain went away almost right away.

Whhheeeeewwwwwww.

I thought for sure Jane was going into labor when I heard those sounds coming out of our bedroom!

A charlie horse.  Who would have figured!?

Pregnant Jane explained to me that those charlie horses or pregnancy cramps are sometimes common when pregnant – but it was the first time that happened to her, and hopefully the last.  I agree.  If that had happened at 2:00 AM when we were sound asleep, I think I would have hit the ceiling because I would have jumped so fast out of bed!

Wow.  That was quite a way for both of us to wake up this morning!  Although I was already up, I was still waking up.  I skipped out on the coffee today because that adrenaline rush was all I needed!  :)

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OK, so I’ve been running behind and Pregnant Jane has been on my butt to upload all of her pregnant belly pictures week by week.  

And she’s been nagging me to update the REAL cost to have a baby without maternity insurance page.  I finally got all caught up on everything!

It’s been crazy around here as you know by Pregnant Jane’s blog posts documenting her sometimes wild and crazy pregnancy journey.  Oh, and in case you are wondering, yes… that is me holding that GIANT gorilla while we were registering for Jane’s upcoming baby shower.

So we’re VERY close to hitting that $10,000 mark. I can’t believe we’ve spent that much so far – and there are obviously some additional costs coming.  Hopefully – and I really mean hopefully Jane does not have to have a c-section for many, many reasons.  However, if she does, that’ll add another $2,000.

You just have to love the U.S. healthcare system.  They are wonderful, aren’t they?  I’ve blogged about this issue so much over the last few months, I’m not going to keep beating a dead horse.  There are so many solutions that they could easily implement that would help people like us – and make the government money.  I came up with several of them.  I’ve written to Obama and his staff.  I’ve  done all I could.

The one thing that I have not done is drop our income to nearly zero in order to qualify for all the state and government programs that would cover nearly all our costs – just about each and every single penny.  It wouldn’t be difficult to do – cheat the system that is – but that’s not the type of people we are.  We’re sucking it up, paying for all the hospital, doctor, blood work, and all of the other bills out of pocket.

Believe it or not, everything we have paid is VERY discounted by the doctor and hospital because of the “cash discount”.  If we were unable to do that, we would have racked up over $30,000 in hospital bills we’d be paying on every month for a long time.  That is being conservative, believe me.

So enough of all this damn money talk – let’s talk about happy things!

Pregnant Jane and I will officially be parents in a couple of months.  It’s been an amazing ride.  We have both changed as people through this journey to parenthood experience.  We have both fallen in deeper love with each other.  And of course we have both seen “the dark sides” of each other with hormones flaring, me stressed out, and all the other crazy things we’ve gone through – all of which has brought Pregnant Jane and I closer.

We’re excited.  But there’s still a LOT of work to do!  We need to figure out the baby Tarzan room situation, get it painted, get baby stuff to put inside of it, and all that jazz.  Baby T will be here before we know it – and I’m not kidding, time is flying by faster than I can keep up with!  

I can’t wait to meet my new best friend.  Baby T is going to be my little buddy and I can’t wait to do father-son things with him!

Related posts:

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Today I spent over $4,700 without even leaving the house.  Ugh.

I called the hospital to pay for little Tarzan’s birth and all the extras that come along with it.  On one hand, I feel extremely lucky that we were able to pay for everything upfront because that ultimately saves so much money in the end.  

But on the other hand, dammit, it was a lot of effing money to go out.

This is all best case scenario, of course:

Vaginal Delivery: $3,300 (C-Section would cost $5,500)

Anesthesia for the epidural: $1,200 (C-Section would cost $1,500)

To snip our son’s penis: $250

Grand total today: $4,750

Ouch.

Is it wrong that I get super jealous when I hear about people having wealthy relatives that make their life so much easier?  I wish I had one of those that would take pity on me.  

But I will admit that I’m happy that we won’t be stuck with thousands in hospital bills.  We (I) will have mini-T and walk out of the hospital knowing that my baby is paid for and that we’ve done our part instead of letting the hospital bills pile up.

And you can bet your ass I’ll be taking as much “free” stuff from the hospital that I can get my hands on.  After all, I did pay for it.

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Jane and I just got back from her pregnancy week 19, second trimester doctor appointment.  Everything went great and we got to listen to baby Tarzan’s heartbeat again!  He’s doing great and growing up to be a big strong boy.

As we left the doctor’s office, I went to the counter and paid my $528.00 (see updated cost of having a baby page) and asked how much extra would we have to pay if by small chance Jane had to have a C-section.  Her answer was an additional $200 or so.  

OK, not as much as I was expecting – considering we’re shelling out $528 every visit, which is their nice little payment plan, we’re already paying her thousands.  So thank goodness.

Jane had to get more blood work today since she’s 19 weeks pregnant so that wasn’t too bad this time around.  One test cost $37.  I can handle those payments.

But today, I was on a mission.  I’m tired of waiting to hear from the woman who I’ve called 4 times, left 2 messages in the past week.  Well, more than a week I guess.  She’s supposed to be the one to talk to – to find out how much the hospital side of things would cost to have a baby.  So I called the hospital directly and spoke to someone in the admissions department.

Wow.  I actually reached a real, live human.  I nearly chocked on my words as I started to speak while I snapped out of my state of shock that I was actually talking to someone.  I asked her the magical question, “how much is it to have a baby without maternity insurance there?”  I went onto say that my wife is currently 19 weeks pregnant, her doctor is there, and our baby will be born in July.

So, here’s what she told me…

The Cost From The Hospital

The normal cost for a 2-day stay at the hospital for a vaginal delivery is $13,000.  If Jane had to have a C-Section, the cost to have our baby would jump to $20,000.  I then said, OK.  Now what about for someone who does not have maternity insurance who will be paying cash upfront?

The cost drops waaaaaaay down for this.  (Thank God.)  The cost for the 2-day stay for a vaginal delivery drops down to $3,300.  If she needed to have a C-Section, the cost is $5,000.  However, there is one catch.  We would need to register Jane at the hospital or online (whatever that means) AND have $3,300 paid entirely upfront at least one month before our baby is born.

OK.  I asked if there are any other costs.  She said yes, anesthesia, and gave me there number.  I then said, we’re having a boy.  How much to circumcise him?  $250 she said.  OK.  And how about (knock on wood) if by tiny chance our baby needed to be in the NICU for whatever reason, like he was born a day early or something.  She said that costs $2,000 per day for the stay and if needed they’d work out some sort of a payment plan.  I didn’t want to know any more about that as I’m sure Jane and I will have a nice and healthy baby boy.

After asking how much this or that costs, I began to feel like I was ordering strange items from a very, very expensive restaurant to-go.  I had to hang up the phone with her to get rid of the strange mental images that began appearing in my mind.

After a few minutes of talking to Jane, I then called the anesthesia department.  A woman answers, “Yo, whachya up homebooooy?  You be wantin’ some a’ this stuff here?  We be gotten a really good deal on some gooooood stuff.  What you be wanten’?”  Obviously she must have been sampling some of their own products.  I told her…. OK, just kidding!  

She actually answered with a “hi, this is so-and-so, how many I help you?”  I told her the situation and she told me it would be $1,200.  She was nice and pleasant to speak to.  Very helpful, too.

She explained that the $1,200 would need to be paid the day before Jane delivered our little boy.  I then asked her about a C-Section and she said that that would add an additional $150 a day for something I think she called P.O.P?  Not sure.  I asked if there were any other costs and she said no, that’s all.

The Total Hospital Cost To Have Our Baby

Hospital charge for a 2-day stay, vaginal delivery (needs to be paid 1 month before delivery): $3,300.00

Hospital charge (for a C-Section): $5,000

Anesthesia department: $1,200

So if all goes well, which Pregnant Jane and I know it will, the total to be paid to the hospital and anesthesia department one month before delivery is: $4,500.00.

Now add in what we’ve been paying to her doctor and what we still need to pay, PLUS some surprises that I learned about today like another ultrasound that would need to be done at the hospital, more blood tests, etc… I’m going to guesstimate that total (from the baby cost page)… I’m going to try and be a little high here, a total of: $5,000.  I may be going too high, but I’m just going on the safe side here.

So as of this very moment, it looks like everything is going to cost us a total of: $9,500.00

If everything goes great, there are no other tests needed, and all is well, then that SHOULD be the most that everything costs us thanks to no maternity insurance.  We’re not going to even talk about C-Section stuff or anything else because that’s not going to be needed.  (Knock Knock Knock… knocking on wood again.)

Money For The Hospital And For Anesthesia

OK, not counting Jane’s doctor bills, blood work bills, any new ultrasound bills, etc. we need to come up with $4,500.00 that needs to be paid by say no later than June 15th, which would be a little more than a month before Baby Tarzan will be born into this world.

That’s a little more than 4 months from now.  And you can bet your last peanut in your peanut jar that we’ll be paying these at least one month before baby Tarzan is born.  Hell yeah.  If not, the bill would go from $4,500 to over $15,000 between hospital and anesthesia “normal retail prices”.

How are we going to come up with this money?

We have a few choices:

1. See if we can get involved with the anesthesia lady and the blank market hospital drug business.

2. Make some new things happen in our businesses between now and then that creates an influx of cash.

3. Sell our house in less than a month and a half or so, figuring we wouldn’t close 35-40 days after it’s sold and use money we make from the house (fingers crossed!!!) and pay the bills with that money.

4. I sell about 13,862 gallons of my sperm to sperm banks around Texas.  (Adding in extra money to pay for doctor appointments to take care of sprained wrists, carpal tunnel, magazines, and if the rumor is true, blindness.)

5. Emergency plan: Take advantage of one of the offers where I can get a few grand from my credit card using one of those checks they sent me, and not have to pay interest on that money until February, 2010.  If I can’t get all $4,500 from one, do another… and another.. and another… eeks.

6. Plant a money tree in our backyard and toss some Miracle Gro on it.

The best thing to happen out of all of the above would be # 2.  If Jane and I can make some magic things happen with our businesses, then we wouldn’t have to touch the money from the proceeds of our house if we can sell it by then.  

And of course, I want to avoid # 5 like the black plague.  We already have WAY too much credit card debt right now.  That is something that haunts me every night before I go to sleep.  I haven’t had credit card debt in six plus years.  It makes me sick to my stomach that we have a LOT of credit card debt right now, but that’s another story for another day.

However, there is a plus side to this one.  This would allow us to keep the money we have from our business and/or proceeds from our house and allow us to make payments to the credit card company or companies.  Yet, there is a danger there.  If we do not pay back each and EVERY single penny before the *interest free* period is up, all that interest is added that next month.  Believe me, I’ve had that happen to me SEVERAL times.  It’s no fun.  We’d have to do all we can to pay off that baby FAST.

Note to self: Teach young Tarzan about credits cards, the dangers, the plusses, how to use them properly, and what not to do EARLY and keep reminding him about them… especially when he turns 18 so he doesn’t make the same mistakes I did back then.

So what does Tarzan think about all of this?

Well, paying a total of $9,500 our of our pocket (if I’m correct on a few assumptions I made of future bills) is a lot better than what I was expecting to pay.  Although that doesn’t mean we’re any closer to being out of the woods yet.  And that doesn’t mean I have a big smile on my face at this very moment.  Coming up with an *extra* $4,500 out of thin air in just four months isn’t the easiest thing to do.

However, it can be done…  I’ve done it before.  Heck, when business was rocking and rolling, we could do that much, much faster.  This damn economy puts a kink in things and no matter how many times I tried to do that over the past year, all of them failed.  But if you first don’t succeed….

Yes, we’ll keep trying and trying again.  There are several other BIG factors that come to play here.  And I mean BIG factors.  For one, and it’s something that I know many, many other small business owners are freaking out about… TAXES.

I have yet to bring in all of my documents for my 2008 taxes to my accountant.  I’ll owe a big chunk.  Nothing like the last several years, but still  big chunk that will not be able to be paid.  Jane’s taxes won’t be too bad and we’ll find a way to get those taken care of.  But it’s mine that I’m freaking out about.

I’ll of course file an extension, which I usually do anyways.  But usually it’s with a nice big check payable to Uncle Sam with a partial payment, with the rest due by August 15th.  This time around, the extension will be sent with a piece of lint from my pocket… with the rest due by August 15th.

That is of course dancing around in my mind, brings up some worries and stress, but the first priority is to pay for baby Tarzan to be born, get those hospital bills paid early (which would save $9K or $10K or whatever) and then figure out taxes.

Arrrrghhh s#&% what a mess.  But, Jane and I are taking one step at a time, we know what we’re up against, and we have some battle plans.  If our house sells FAST and we close FAST and get moved into a new place FAST, I’m going to take a chance and use the majority to start up a couple of new businesses that I believe can take off quickly, instead of giving it to Uncle Sam right then.  I’ll have a little time to play with, and if I were to gamble on anything right now, I’d be (and we are) putting all our money on me.

Jane and I of course have talked about ALL of the above at great length.  We discuss everything all the time… many times a day and night.  We’re always keeping our noses down and assessing the situation as things change.  I guess you can say we’re totally micromanaging our lives right now, but we have to.

Pregnant Jane and I are preparing for battle.

With our house on the line, the potential to lose all the money we put down on it, credit card debt, taxes, slow/dead businesses that were once rocking and rolling like crazy, investments that went way south, and of course, the biggest of them all, a bouncing baby mini Tarzan on the way… we’ve got our battle gear on and we’re ready to battle this multi-headed monster.  The names of the heads are: foreclosure, credit card debt, stress, bank accounts, taxes, car payments, and Fred.  (Fred’s the nice guy out of the bunch.)

Ahhhh… adulthood.  Oh how I miss the days of riding my bike on a sunny Thursday afternoon during summer vacation without a care in the world.  As a soon-to-be father, realizing the true importance of making the most of our your childhood and savoring those moments is something that I’ll make sure Tarzan Junior does.  

(Yes, I know I’ve called him Mini Tarzan, Baby Tarzan, Tarzan Junior, and who knows what else here.  He has many names right now I guess!)

As a father, I’ll do everything I can to make little Tarzan’s childhood fun and full of incredible memories.  

And when he’s 10 or 11, and we’re having a blast digging for treasure, playing baseball, fishing, camping, or whatever, I may even say to him…

“Do everything you can now to enjoy these days where everything seems perfect; when you don’t have a care in the world.  These are the days that you’ll remember the most when you’re older.  Because, when you’re all grown up and you’re an adult, you’ll have this thing called ‘responsibility’.  And take it from me, sometimes it isn’t always easy.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  And sometimes, you need to pull up memories from your mind of days just like this, where everything is prefect, and you don’t have a care in the world, in order to keep pushing forward to take care of your responsibilities.  And then, as funny as this may sound, once you’re a lot older, you’ll come full circle, seeking days where everything is perfect, and where you don’t have a care in the world.  Some people call that retirement, I guess.  So soak up each and every single last drop of childhood, son.  And believe me, I’ll help make sure you do because I’m having just as much fun as you are on those perfect days.”

Huh.  Although no one ever told me this, I’m guessing that children sometimes can take us, as parents, back to that magical place where everything is prefect in the world.  A place where nothing else matters but having fun, laughing, and playing.  Maybe that’s why parents love to play with their children so much… it’s almost a secret passage back to a time they remember as a child.  A time when ir484rhwnkk0  ejeh….

Whoa.  This is getting deep.   Best to end this now before I get any deeper and drown in my own imagination!  LOL

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I bet you knew this was coming at some point… The more I think about it, the more I realize how unprepared we are – and how much Jane and I have to do when it comes to figuring out what we need to get for Tarzan Junior.

I was just on Amazon.com looking at a book and before I knew it I was scrolling through the pages and pages of baby strollers and reading the reviews.

I just stepped into a world I never once spent one second thinking about…

There are like 40 billion different types of strollers out there.  I don’t know if this is normal dad-to-be thinking, but I want our son to be in something cool.  Something that’ll get the attention of the lady babies, you know?  Maybe something with some nice rims, a system, and maybe some hydraulics.  And while we’re at it, we’ll make sure we’re blasting some old school Snoop Doggy Dogg, ‘Ain’t nothing by a G-thang baby’ while we roll in the stroll…

That’s an interesting visual actually… but seriously.  I want in our son something cool, yet functional.  Tonight is the first time in my life that I actually looked at baby strollers.  I’m floored by how many there are.  I was also floored by the this 66 pound stroller called, “Silver Cross Kensington Pram Stroller“.  Check out the price of that baby.  It’s like the Rolls Royce of strollers I guess.

I then found a brand called Bugaboo.  First time I heard of them… interesting and cool baby strollers I guess, but that is quite out of the price range as well.  Next.

So tell me… what’s the deal with all these strollers that have only three wheels?  I can see the benefit if you are a jogger and want to take your baby, but I don’t know.  I can still see the scars on my knees from all the times I fell off my tricycle when I was younger.  Maybe it’s because of all those times I fell over that I don’t trust anything with three wheels.

Sometime when Jane and I head to Babies R Us or wherever you go to test drive strollers, I want to try some “tipping over tests” to see how sturdy they are.  Who knows, maybe I’ll become a three wheel stroller fan… if we don’t get kicked out of there first because I’m tipping over all of the strollers…

Anyway, I looked at a bunch of other strollers priced everywhere from $100 to $300 or so.  I’m not sure where the sweet spot is for a great stroller that has all the features we want.  I’m guessing around this range.  And as far as what features we want – I don’t know all of them yet.  One thing that I think is very cool, is how some baby strollers are also the baby seat that goes in your car.  So that’ll make everything easier… I think.

Any advice on strollers would be much appreciated.  Jane and I haven’t even mentioned the word stroller to each other yet.  I don’t know how any of this stuff works.  Do we buy one of these?  Do we figure out which one we want and then we register for it?  Is a stroller something that the couple usually buys?  Or is it something that the grandparents usually get?  Or are there no “rules”.

I know Jane will be having a baby shower sometime, so maybe this is one of the things we register for?

Man.  This is crazy.

What else do we need?  A crib.  Whoa.  I’m not even going to go there right now.  All I know is that Jane and I like dark wood, and that’ll work for a baby boy.

Besides a car seat, stroller, and a crib, that’s really all we need, right?

Is there like a shopping list or something?

All of a sudden I feel like a complete air head when it comes to what you need for a baby.

We cannot do anything right now anyway with everything going on.  Jane’s doctor bills are obviously priority number one.  If we don’t pay her, there goes our doctor.  And thinking about it, I don’t think Jane and I have really talked about the baby products we need to get simply because of that fact – there’s nothing we can do right now.

I don’t know if going to Babies R Us would make us excited about everything or it’ll make us more upset and sad about what’s going on right now as far as finances are concerned.  You never know how those things are going to hit you… especially with a wife pump up with pregnancy hormones.

So I think the best move is to wait a few months before we do anything.  A LOT is going to be happening over the next month.  Hopefully and not so hopefully, if that makes any sense at all.

The deal I was hoping would go through for my business doesn’t look like it’ll happen.  I’ve been dragging my feet like crazy with the house – hoping we wouldn’t HAVE to sell in order to cover the baby costs.  But, what are you going to do?

In this real estate economy, it could take months to sell a house – if you can even sell it at all.  So we’ll keep plugging away at work while the house is for sale, and maybe we’ll be able to make some magic happen before a buyer comes, or the absolute worst case, before the money runs out.

But all of that is another subject for another day.  In fact, I wrote about 80% of a blog post going into more detail about the above last night, but I struggle a LOT with those posts.  They are hard to write because they bring everything to the surface – and they’re even hard to publish because then it makes everything public.

However, it’s part of our journey and needs to be documented.  Tarzan Junior will be reading these blog posts someday and I wouldn’t want to leave out the biggest thing happening in our lives right now while he grows in his mommy’s belly.

Just sucks writing those posts sometimes… almost as much as paying bills now-a-days!

Anyways, I like nice things.  Always have.  And I want our boy to also have nice things as well.  And that’ll keep pushing me to work hard and figure out how to make magic happen so we have a nice place to live, and so Tarzan Junior has a sweet ride for a stroller that his mommy and daddy also love.

Much more on all the above coming soon…

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In our continuing saga of the cost to have a baby, we broke the $2,000 mark today.  A couple of weeks ago Jane and I received a bill in the mail from the company that did her original blood work back in December.  We had already paid them $320 and I knew the bill they sent me asking for another $250 had to be a mistake.

I called them and they asked me to fax a copy of the paperwork and the receipt.  Today the woman called me back and explained something oh so wonderful to me.

The $250 in charges where for “extra tests” they needed to do based on the results of the other tests they took.  Oh… if the woman only knew how much I’ve been on a rampage for things like this.

I told her that I approved what Jane’s doctor said she needed for tests and nothing else.  She then said at the bottom of the form in small print it says that the blood work company has the right to do re-testing and run other tests as they see necessary. What the hell.  Seriously.  Freaking B.S.

This is a Fortune 1000 company – who knows, they may be in the Fortune 500 I don’t know.  But they are getting away with that?  No wonder our insurance and healthcare industry is hurting and no wonder why companies like this are booming.

After a fairly heated conversation, I said those tricks may work for insurance companies, but I never authorized any extra work to be done.  I also told her I’m paying for everything out of pocket and should have been called.  Our doctor should have been called. 

This is like dropping your car off for an oil change, going back a few hours later to pick it up and seeing an extra $250 tagged to your bill.  When you ask what it was for, they tell you that you needed a new tire.  How long do you think the car dealership would stay in business?  How long do you think they’d get away with that?

I told her I felt used and taken advantage of.  I even felt abused and mislead by the way they do business.  I went on and on for awhile but it was going nowhere fast.  The call ended with me saying that I’ll get it in the mail to them tomorrow.  However, I’ll be calling again tomorrow to attempt to fight my case with a manager.

If I knew ahead of time what was going on and why they needed to re-test Jane’s blood or whatever excuse the woman gave me, then fine.  Obviously we would have said OK.  But to just run the tests and then send us a surprise bill is complete B.S. and totally takes advantage of people.

Grrr…  This makes me mad.

What would you do?  Just pay it and know that it’s a losing battle to fight them… or keep fighting tooth and nail until they give in our of sheer terror because you go psycho on them?

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