As parents, your heart sinks when your baby is throwing up.  You feel so helpless.  And you can’t help but get a little scared because they can’t tell you why their throwing up, what hurts, what’s wrong, or what’s going on with them.

Last night I was working up in my office and Jane Skyped me and said that Monkey was making some strange noises.  We had just laid him down to bed about 20 minutes earlier after Jane fed him.

I went downstairs and heard Monkey making noises I’ve never heard him make before.  Jane and I went into his room and I saw that his eyes were wide open and he was making strange moaning sounds.

I picked monkey up, and felt that he was hot.  REALLY hot.  His back and head was sweaty – so much that his sleep sack was wet.  As I started to walk out of his room with him, he let out a very strange noise.  It sounded like a burp, but was a lot louder and bubbly sounding.  Within about 7 seconds, Baby Monkey was throwing up all over me.

I had big chunks of baby throw up all over my shirt and we took Monkey into our bedroom so we could put him on our bed and take off his clothes.

I took one look at the old shirt I was wearing (it’s a very old shirt I sometimes wear at night), took it off, and tossed it into the garbage.  I then went into the bedroom where Jane was with Monkey and turned on the light.  That was when we noticed how pale Monkey was.

And I’m talking PALE.  He was completely white white white.  It scared the hell out of.

Now the strange thing is that Monkey being the good little Monkey that he is was smiling at us like crazy.  He was looking at us and smiling just 5 seconds after he threw up.  And now he was as white as the white comforter on our bed, and he was looking up at us smiling like he hasn’t seen us in days.

Jane and I sat with him for a few minutes and talked about what happened.  We remember that when we were sick and threw up, that we’d get all hot and sweaty, and sometimes get pale white.  I told Jane that we should give him a few minutes to see if his color returns and for us to stay right there and keep a good eye on him.  Jane and I were a little freaked out and scared.

Baby Throwing Up = Scared Parents

All Monkey wanted to do was look at us, smile, and play.  You would have never thought that our baby was throwing up just a few minutes earlier.  So for a few minutes we played with him as he stared into a mirror we had standing up and smiling at himself and us.

Jane began to cry and said, “I just don’t want anything ever to be wrong with him. I just love him more than anything I’ve ever experienced.  I never knew you could love someone this much.” I calmed Jane down, told her Monkey was going to be just fine.  We will keep a very close eye on him and that I was sure it was just some reaction to his shots earlier in the day.

Shortly after his color returned and he was as good as new.

Jane took Monkey into the living room and held him for about 15 minutes to make sure he was OK and to allow him to get tired.  He was yawning like crazy, we put him back into his crib, and he slept all night long without any trouble.

Having a baby throwing up on you is no fun.  Jane and I were still worried about Monkey and wanted to make sure he was OK, so I slept on the couch next to his nursery last night so I could be right there if he needed anything.  He didn’t make a peep all night.

Monkey woke up this AM as usual and I took over to let Jane sleep in since she’s been so good about letting me sleep in every morning because I’m usually up so late working.

I walked into the nursery after hearing Monkey make his ‘good morning’ noises and peaked into his crib.  He turned his head, saw me, and get me the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.  I talked to him for awhile, rubbed his tunny and ask him how he felt.  He kept smiling, let out a couple of giggles, and I picked him up and gave baby Monkey a great big hug.

We went over to the changing table and I changed a very smelly diaper while Monkey kicked his legs all over the place.  Ahhhh. Fatherhood.  I had to do some fast ninja-like moves to keep him from kicking the diaper or getting poop all over his legs.  Finally, he was changed, smelling good, and I went to make his bottle.

While his bottle was warming, I played with him on the couch.  Morning time for Monkey is smile time.  He smiles non-stop at you in the morning, and you can’t help but have your heart melt.  We played a couple of little games I play with him (like grab my ears, peek-a-boo, and I ooo and ahhh at him and sometimes he does it back to me), etc.

I then fed Monkey and put him back in his crib to watch his mobile go around while a blue light twinkles.  He loves to go in there after he eats.  After about 20 minutes, he wanted out.  So I went back in there (note, Jane is still sleeping and it’s around 7 AM or so now) and I brought him out to the living room to play.  We went on the floor, I sang to him, we played with blocks, etc.  But his attention was elsewhere.  He kept looking all around and every once in awhile he’s look at me and puff out his bottom lip and wine a little.

I picked up up, held him, but he kept doing the same thing.

Baby Monkey wanted his Mommy.

We went into the bedroom and Jane woke up when Monkey made a little squeak.  I then put him down beside her and they cuddled for a little while while I made him a small bottle that he drinks before his morning nap.  Jane has mornings down to a T with Monkey – and he’s used to it.  With me, he acts very different because he must know that I don’t know the exact schedule Jane has with Monkey in the early AM.

Anyway, that was our night and morning.

Monkey is doing great and feeling much better.  We think the shots he got yesterday didn’t agree with him.  And for me, having your baby throwing up all over you is a lot scarier than I would have ever imagined.

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Last November 17th, I could be found in my bathroom bawling my eyes out.  I remember it all perfectly:  I had a feeling that I was pregnant, but I was making deals with God to let it not be true.  My husband was out, at Barnes & Noble I think, and I decided that it was time to face my fears.

I went into my bathroom with a pregnancy test.  I was nervous as hell & prayed that the infamous plus sign would not show up.  As soon as I was finished peeing on the stick I saw the plus sign.

I was pregnant.

Oh holy hell, this could not be happening to me, I remember thinking.

I really thought that little plus sign was the end of my life as I knew it.  It did not stir up any excitement for me.  I was not ready to be a mom.  I didn’t know how to be a mom.  I didn’t know how my life would change & I was not convinced that I was ready to find out just how different things would be.

To say that I was scared was an understatement.  A big understatement.

Fast-forward to this morning.  My period was two days late.

What’s two days, right?

Well I didn’t have “that” feeling that I was pregnant like I did before, but I still thought it was odd that I was two days late.  I’m on the pill & it’s pretty much like clockwork: Stop taking the last pill Saturday night & Monday I’m greeted by Aunt Flow.  Easy.

Naturally my mind started to wonder about what if I was pregnant.  That would mean that I would have two kids under 13 months old.  Could I handle it?  Would I feel like I was, in a very slight way, being selfish to Monkey since I would have pregnancy fatigue & morning sickness?

Well I didn’t have to keep pondering about the what if’s of pregnancy because my period & cramps showed up about an hour later.  I was more happy than not, but I’ll admit it… the mere thought of being blessed with another child did put a smile on my face.

See, I’m totally not the same person that I was when I was pregnant with Monkey.  I guess having a baby does that to you.  I am forever changed after meeting the life that I helped to create.  I will never be the same.

Once I feared talking about strollers & diapers & now I don’t mind talking baby.  In fact, I like it.  Like it’s part of me & I’m totally okay with that.  I enjoy it.

I feel like I now have a purpose in life.  I am a mother & I’ve never been so happy in all of my life.  I’ve never known the depth of my heart until having my son.  Nothing else is as important to me.  Nothing in the world.

He makes my world a much brighter place.  His smile melts me & his baby smell is one that I never tire of.  In fact, I take it all in throughout the day – just holding him & smelling him while he is close to me.

Prior to Monkey I thrived on the fact that I didn’t have a routine; every single day was different, including the time that I would wake up in the morning.  I was so far from having a schedule back then & it fit the person I was.

Now, I have a routine, very predictable, & I love it.  I love waiting up in the morning to sing songs to my little boy.  I love bathing him & bonding during that time.  I love feeding him his last bottle & then putting him to bed so that I can have my time.  I just love all of the parts of the day.  I love, love, love playing with him too.

When I first had Monkey & was dealing with postpartum depression, I couldn’t wait to get away from him.

Now I’m the complete opposite.  My mom asked me the other day when she could keep him for a night or a weekend & I told her “not for a while”.  I’m not ready.  I know that I will miss him too much & I don’t want to be away from him for a night yet.  I have no idea when that will change… maybe when he goes through the “terrible two’s”.  LOL.

When I ran errands, I didn’t want to bring him.

Now I hang out at the house until he wakes up from his nap so that he can go run errands with me.  I don’t look at it as a hassle anymore either.  If I’m running errands close to the house, I don’t even bring a diaper bag.  I put a few necessities in the car & that’s it.  Sure, it takes a few minutes longer to get Monkey out of the car seat to go into a store, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  He’s my little buddy & I just love spending time with him.

I never knew the amount of love that a little baby could bring into my world & I’m so very thankful for my son every single day of my life.  He makes me whole & makes me a better person.  I smile all of the time.  I talk to him all of the time.  I do the craziest & silliest things in public just to get him to smile.  I don’t care how stupid I look – I just care about my son smiling at me.

He is my world & my heart belongs to him.

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Now that motherhood has been a part of my life for almost 5 weeks, I feel a little more confident about all things mom and baby related.  Notice I said “a little more confident”… I still have a long ways to go, but looking back to when Monkey was just born, I have come a long way.  There’s still so much for me to learn and room for my confidence to increase tenfold.

Motherhood is so unique that nothing except experience can really prepare you.  You can read books, blogs, or listen to advice from parents, but it will not be the same when you have a child.  It’s just something that you need to figure out on your own according to your needs and your baby’s needs.  I have a feeling that motherhood is a constant learning experience that just makes you into a better mom day after day.

While I have no idea what the future holds or what obstacles will come our way, I do know that there were many things that no one told me about after childbirth, labor and delivery, and coming home with baby and what to expect.  I hope to pass these things onto you so that you won’t be as surprised at some of them like I was.

And in no particular order, here are some things on what to expect after childbirth, labor and delivery, and coming home with baby that no one told me about:

1.  I never expected motherhood to feel so lonely, especially in the beginning.  Talk about being thrown into the unknown world of breastfeeding, poopy diapers, a squirmy newborn, and lack of sleep.  It was a challenge to say the very least.

2.  Unsolicited advice from everyone.  If I had a dime for every time my mom told me that I was started on rice cereal when I was 1 week old because I consumed 32 oz of formula in one night & maybe, just maybe, that would be good for Monkey, I’d be rich.

3.  Feeling possessive over baby, especially with in-laws.  I feel like they are taking time away from me bonding with Monkey and I have no idea why.  I do not feel this way with my mom or my husband.  Perhaps it’s my hormones.

4.  I had no idea that I would do laundry and the dishes at least one time every single day.  (Stock up on dishwashing detergent & Dreft, or whatever detergent you use for your baby’s clothes.)

5.  I never knew that I wouldn’t be able to drive for 6 weeks after giving birth.  And this was a vaginal birth with a minimal tear that required just a couple of stitches.  It made no sense to me really.  The OB on call said that it was in case I was driving and had to brake fast that could be dangerous since I just gave birth.  Despite me not understanding even after this explanation, I still followed and didn’t drive for 6 weeks.

6.  Postpartum bleeding (aka lochia).  Basically bleeding, like a really heavy period, for many days after giving birth.  Once the heavy bleeding stopped, I was greeted with a lighter blood.  This part was a complete surprise to me and one of the things I dreaded the most.  Wearing a pad in your panties constantly really sucks & I felt like I smelled all of the time.  I could do without this postpartum bleeding for sure.  Consider yourself warned.

7.  Feeling like a cow milking all the time.  Not to knock breastfeeding at all, but pumping breastmilk was no fun.  Talk about feeling like a cow being milked.

8.  Hormones being so out of whack and having a hard time emotionally.  Never expected this one at all.  Again not to knock the ladies that suffer from the baby blues and postpartum depression, but I just thought I was strong enough to not suffer from this.  As you and I both know, being strong has nothing to do with it.  And who would have guessed that I would have to be on an anti-depressant for postpartum depression.

9.  The bathroom experience.  This one ties into the postpartum bleeding.  After you go to the bathroom, you have to cleanse yourself and your lady parts with a squirt bottle full of warm water.  Then pat area dry.  Then spray dermoplast on the area.  Then put a pad in your panties.  Then put two witch hazel pads overlapping on the pad that is already in your panties.  Then spray epifoam on the witch hazel pads.  Pull up panties.  Wash hands.  Repeat every single time you have to go to the bathroom.

10.  Being so tired, but not being able to nap during the day.  I think I’ve adjusted for the most part to not sleeping as much as I used to, but in the beginning it was really tough.  I’ve never been a napper before, but I thought that I’d be able to nap after giving birth.  Well, I was wrong.  I would be so freakin’ tired, go lay down in my bed while the baby was napping, even put on a sleep mask to block out the light, and still would not be able to fall asleep.  So frustrating.

11.  Feeling like a supermom to try to get everything done during the day.

12.  Feeling like a guilty mom if I’m not holding little Monkey constantly.

13.  It only took waking up once with leaky boobs & a wet tank for me to remember to wear nursing pads all of the time.

14.  Amazed at the weight loss that seemed to virtually fall off, but feeling so flabby & out of shape & still wearing maternity clothes.

15.  Hearing my baby cry sends shivers down my spine and that crying is only for two seconds until I figure out what it is that he wants.

16.  Getting peed on isn’t nearly as bad or awful as I thought it would be.  I feel proud for shielding the urine from Monkey’s face at my expense.  Getting pooped on is another story though.

17.  If parents or in-laws offer to stay with you and help out after you get home from the hospital, ask questions first.  If they are willing to help out and cook meals, clean up, and let you sleep – say yes!  If they expect you to do that stuff while they hold the baby – think twice about it.  For real.

18.  Think about whether or not you want visitors at the hospital.  I was sure that I did, but then changed my mind once I was in the hospital.  It was too much, with trying to get the hang of breastfeeding, changing diapers, etc.  I had the nurse put a note on the door that said “no visitors please”.  It was necessary to keep my sanity.  (The same goes for when you arrive home too.)

19.  Don’t worry about not returning phone calls immediately.  Tell your husband to call or send out a text letting people know that you are doing just fine, but don’t feel obligated to call anyone back.  At least I didn’t.  Just last week I called my best friend back.  If they are your true friends, even if they haven’t had a baby yet, they will understand.  I promise.

20.  In the hospital, especially when I was breastfeeding, I would feel awful, awful cramps in my stomach.  I was informed that this was my uterus contracting to get back down to its original size and that breastfeeding helps it faster.  The cramping hurt at times and then I would feel & notice a large amount of blood coming out.  The lactation consultant, nursery nurse, and my nurse all told me that it was so normal.

21.  Bowel movements.  I was scared that the first bowel movement would hurt, but it did not at all.  It took about 3 weeks postpartum for me to return back to being, um, regular on a daily basis.  I tried to help things along, even bought & drank prune juice, which is as completely awful as I thought it would be.

22.  Witch hazel pads (or Tucks) feel oh so good down there.

23.  Initially I didn’t want to eat or drink anything after giving birth and for the first weeks after returning home.  I think I was just having a lot of the postpartum blues and that affected my appetite.  Glad to say that it is and has been back to normal for about two weeks.

24.  The first week you come home with baby is the most rough.  Remind yourself that it gets better every day.

25.  It’s ok if you aren’t flowing with joy right away.  I woke up from a nap during the first week & my initial thought was “damn, this is still my life”.

26.  Night sweating.  Talk about going from being 29 years old and in my prime to feeling menopausal overnight.  Night sweating is no fun and still plagues me a few nights a week.  I’m told it’s the blood volume adjusting back to normal and that it should stop soon.  I can only hope.  Tarzan even told me that I soaked his pillow and the sheets the other night.  Gross & that just adds more laundry to wash.

27.  No exercise until my 6 week appointment.  It’s probably a good thing that this is a “rule” because I don’t know how I would have found the time (or energy) to exercise right after Monkey was born.  I’m so completely jealous of those ladies who return to their skinny selves during this period because it just means that they have good genes and I don’t.

28.  When I run errands, I walk around proudly.  Yes, I have a flabby tummy postpartum, but that serves as a reminder that I carried my son for 9 months in a healthy atmosphere and that I have a healthy son waiting for me at home.  There is nothing more empowering than knowing that I survived childbirth and that it was a great experience for me.

29.  I had my tonsils out in 2004 and it hurt so bad.  Someone once told me that having your tonsils out hurt worse than childbirth.  Obviously I couldn’t agree or disagree with them since I hadn’t gone through childbirth then.  Now having gone through childbirth, I can agree that having my tonsils out and the two week recovery period was a lot worse than having my son.  Of course I do owe it all to the epidural.

30.  I have become strangely comfortable with a houseful of clutter & baby items everywhere.

31.  I have also become strangely comfortable with sharing my story of labor and delivery & breastfeeding with people that I hardly know.

32.  Doing laundry & dishes daily has become something I look forward to because it gives my nipples a chance to rest (when I was breastfeeding).

33.  Going out to walk the dog and forgetting to see what I look like before leaving the house happens more often than I would have ever thought.

34.  I thought I was bad about not wanting people to touch my pregnant belly, but lady, don’t you even think about coming close or touching my baby!  Back the eff off.

35.  A lot of the baby stuff I just had to have is still sitting in the unused baby nursery upstairs.

36.  I brought way too much stuff for labor and delivery at the hospital.  I only used maybe a couple of things and the rest was just extra stuff for Tarzan to lug around.

37.  You can never have enough batteries for all of the devices you use to keep your baby quiet, entertained, and asleep.

38.  Two words for future moms that’ll be extremely helpful to you & you’ll thank me for this later: Prune Juice.

39.  Don’t worry about pooping on the delivery table.  I was worried about this and it didn’t happen.  What did happen on my first push though was that I peed.  On the table.  On the nurse.  And on my husband.  My push was so hard that urine literally sprayed out of me.  I had a good laugh about it since I was so worried about the other coming out.  I never even thought of urine flying out and spraying everyone.

40.  Being discharged from the hospital can take an entire day.  Tell your nurse to call your dr. or the dr. on call to get things moving for you.  If hours have passed, annoy her until you get an answer.  And good luck to you if you are being discharged on a weekend.  Seriously.  Plan on waiting for a long time.

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Three weeks postpartum and time to think about what I’ve learned so far.  I really can’t believe that three weeks ago today I had our little Monkey.  When you factor in the sleep deprivation, it seems like forever ago, but it’s only been three weeks and time really does fly by when you have a baby!

When I was pregnant I tried to read up on a few baby books, but honestly, none of them really  held my interest.  I look at motherhood at a trial and error kind of thing and something that you have to experience for yourself in order to know what to do.  All babies are different and all parents are different, so what worked for one family might not have worked for us.  I tried to enjoy being pregnant, but I will admit that I was beyond anxious to get this show on the road and come home with a baby.

Oh, if only I knew just how different life would be…  Just how tired Tarzan and I would be…  I would have savored every moment in my pregnancy.  No joke.

I think it was when Monkey was a 1-week old when I got a couple of emails from acquaintances saying, “Isn’t motherhood awesome?“,  ”Isn’t motherhood heavenly?“, “Motherhood is the best thing I have ever done!“, and on and on and on.

Perhaps it’s just me, but I felt like I couldn’t answer those comments back truthfully because it was a bit premature.  I mean, my baby was only one week old and, quite frankly, at that point I felt like I wanted to run away.  I was an emotional mess (thanks pregnancy hormones) and experiencing the lovely postpartum baby blues.

Even now that I have a 3-week old, I feel like I can answer those questions better than before, but I’m not convinced just yet that it’s heavenly.  It’s an absolute miracle that Tarzan and I created this perfect (yes, he’s perfect!) little baby, but the word that comes to my mind first when I think of motherhood is “hard work”.

Seriously.

I never expected that being a mom to someone would be this hard.  I expected him to spit up on occasion, but not more often than not.  I expected him to fit into our schedule, but I’ve learned that the ball is in his court:  We jump when he is hungry, not vice versa.  I’ve never had to schedule my day as much as I do now.

For example, I have to take our dog to the vet today and usually I would just pick a time in the afternoon to go.  No big deal really.  I paused on the phone with the receptionist for a few minutes when trying to figure out a good time for the appointment.  I had to keep in mind the “schedule” that Monkey appears to be on right now:  When’s he going to want to eat?  When will he be sleeping?  What’s Tarzan’s schedule like today since he’ll be watching Monkey while I’m at the vet?

So much more to think about.  Life is somewhat complicated all of a sudden…

So I’m not quite sure that I would admit it’s the best thing I’ve ever done just yet.  I have a feeling that I will get to that point, but it’s more hard than anything right now.  However, seeing my little angel smile at me (whether it’s gas or not) just melts my heart and no matter how hard it is for me, I fall more and more in love with him daily.  He’s so amazing and I know that one day I will be saying to someone, “Isn’t motherhood just the most amazing thing you’ve ever done?”

Here are some of the things that I’ve learned over these past three weeks post-partum, you know, since I’m basically a pro at this now.  Ha, ha.

1.  The swing is your best friend.

2.  Music calms the baby down instantly.

3.  Smelling like spit-up is like a new fragrance that you wear proudly.  (The same cannot be said for baby poop and baby pee that just happens to explode/shoot your way.)

4.  When you and your husband can sit down together, hold hands, and/or eat dinner, cherish those moments!

5.  Make all things baby related funny so that you don’t lose your mind or yell at your husband.  Laughter is best!

6.  Mom juice (aka wine, beer, or whatever you fancy) will help you keep your sanity at night.  I have a glass of something with dinner on most nights and look forward to it.

7.  Do whatever you have to do to make the baby content.  No need to worry about spoiling him/her this early in the game.  Babies need to be comforted.

8.  Breastfeeding and/or pumping is hard work.  I hear it gets better after these first few weeks, but I’ve not made it there just yet to say whether or not that’s true.

9.  Whether you breastfeed or formula-feed, I do not judge.  You are feeding the baby the best you can and that’s all that matters.

10.  Dishes and laundry need to be done all. of. the. time.

11.  Sleep is a precious thing of the past.  ”Sleep when the baby sleeps” is a bunch of BS so far.  I’ve not yet mastered how to sleep when it is daylight outside.  When the baby sleeps, I pick up the house.  Or blog.  Or twitter.  I most never call people back on the phone though.  I need to work on that.  Really.

12.  Baby stuff is quite expensive.  I was at Target the other day picking up a few items:  Diapers, onesies, bottles, etc and I left spending about $150.  Just like that.

13.  As hard as it might be, don’t forget about your dog in this whole process.  I’ve noticed that our dog has changed and T. and I do our best to try to keep up with his old routine, but it is hard.  And when you are holding a baby it’s nearly impossible to put him on the couch, feed him dinner, give him treats, etc.  (As you can see, I’ve not yet mastered the whole doing things with one hand.)

14.  Having a baby has brought Tarzan and I even closer.  I can’t imagine bringing a baby into this world without a wonderful partner like him.  Thanks little Monkey for making your parents fall more and more in love with each other!

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Although our son Monkey is nearing three weeks old, he’s already shown me that he loves me at least 10 times now.  Now of course babies have their own unique ways of showing their love.  After all, they can’t talk.  And they don’t have much control of their arms and legs to drop you the “I love you” sign with their fingers.

So today, I bring you the 10 ways our son has told me how much he loves me… in his own little baby language.

1. Here I was thinking that a “baby shower” was just for woman who were pregnant.  Boy was I wrong!  Baby Monkey has thrown his own baby shower for me many times all ready!  But this isn’t the typical baby shower.  I’m talking about him peeing all over me more times than I can count over the last two+ weeks!  Half of the laundry we do is Monkey’s and the other half are shirts and pants from Jane and I thanks to Monkey peeing all over us.  Nothing says I love you more than peeing on someone over and over again.

2. Monkey waits until Jane and I sit down for dinner EVERY SINGLE NIGHT to start crying because he’s starving.  Seriously.  Every night no matter what time we make dinner.  Nothing say I love you more than interrupting someone’s dinner every night so they can’t remember what warm food tastes like.

3. The change, pee, change, poop, change, pee marathon.  There’s nothing like changing your son into a nice clean diaper and clean clothes only to have him soil himself again within 30 seconds.  I change his diaper and put new clothes on him that he of course leaks through or his bottom makes some crazy wet noises… and 30-60 seconds later, I’m doing it all over again.  Nothing says I love you more than making someone all of your dirty work for you over and over again.

4. The rare moments that Jane and I have a chance to sit down on the couch together and just cuddle, Monkey says, “that ain’t happen’ in my house!” then cries, and needs to be fed or changed.   Nothing says I love you more than making sure you always get 100% of the attention… all… of… the… time.

5. I just took off a messy diaper and got Monkey all cleaned.  The moment he’s all clean there’s a “pppppprrrtttt!” and mustard-colored baby poop spewing out of you know where.  Of course Monkey waits until he’s all cleaned… and of course I was just three seconds away from putting a new clean diaper on him.  Now I have a mess and yet another changing pad to wash.  Nothing says I love you more than waiting for the perfect moment to let someone know how much you care.

6. Last night I was feeding Monkey some breast milk from a bottle and I could tell he needed to burp.  So I lifted him up and started rubbing his back.  Within a few seconds, burrrrrrrpp  then spppeeeewwwww! Monkey’s first projectile spit-up flew onto my shirt, on my shorts, down my legs, on my hands and arms, and let me tell you, it had some force to it.  Nothing says I love you more than showering someone with warm milk.

7. This morning Monkey was making some wild faces and Jane and I figured he was creating some artwork in his diaper.  I picked him up, put him on the changing table, opened his diaper, and OH MY GOSH.  Monkey covered his diaper and every body part that was covered inside of his diaper.  I went through a good 10 wipes to clean that mess up because under every fold, nook, and cranny, there was poo.  Nothing says I love you more than using a diaper as a canvas for your artwork and seeing the look on your parent’s face when they unwrap your present.

8. I’ve been on the night shift over the last week or so. After changing, feeding, and sometimes changing Monkey again, I lay him back down to sleep.  I finally put my head down on the pillow on the couch and as I’m drifting off for a little sleep, Monkey makes a noise.  I jump up to make sure he’s OK and he’s sound asleep. I go back on the couch, start drifting off to sleep and get startled by a different noise. I jump up again, look in the crib, and Monkey is still sound asleep.  This process is never-ending.  Nothing says I love you more than making sure you keep your parent awake all night long using any and all means possible.

9. When Jane is pumping breast milk, I’m officially on “Daddy Duty” because… well, her hands are full… literally.  Somehow Monkey must know that his Mommy is busy and I’m officially on duty because that’s when he goes into the “I’m crying just because I want to phase“.  I change him, feed him, burp him, hold him, set him in his crib, his swing, rock him, lay him on my chest, you name it.  Nothing I do seems to work.  But when Mommy Jane is finished with pumping breast milk, Monkey is back to being calm again.  Ugh.  Nothing says I love you more than making your Daddy feed you, burp you, change you, hold you, rock you, lay with you, put you in the crib, put you in the swing, hold you again, all within 10 minutes, just because you can.

10. It was around 3:38 this AM and I was holding Monkey in my arms and feeding him.  His eyes were closed and he had one of his hands on mine holding on tight as he slowly sucked on his bottle of warm breast milk.  He looked so sweet, so innocent, so remarkable.  I was so relaxed, so calm, so sleepy.  I kissed him on his forehead and whispered, “I love you buddy” as I savored the moment.  Just as I was pulling away he let out a big bweerrrtttt from his bottom and scared the heck out of both of us!  He jumped, I jumped, and we were than both wide awake again!   Nothing says I love you more than having gas during those precious moments you’ll cherish forever. (And here I was thinking that Jane’s gas during pregnancy and noises she made were bad!)

So if your baby has done ANY of the above to you, that’s a sure-sign that your baby loves you more than anything else in the world!

Related posts:

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Yesterday was a big day for our little Monkey!  It was his official first outing that wasn’t to the pediatrician’s office.  Yesterday also marked two weeks since Monkey has been home.  Wow, it really has gone by so quickly!

We decided that we would go over to my parent’s house to hang out for a bit.  Around noon my mom called to see if we knew about what time we would be there and I told her “no later than 3 pm”.  I figured that three hours would be more than enough time to get all three of us ready.

Well, I was wrong.

When I got off the phone with my mom at noon, I told Tarzan that he should hop in the shower since I was breastfeeding Monkey.  Tarzan told me that he would wait to shower after I did.  (Just for the record: I had a feeling that this would be a reason that we would be late, but I didn’t say anything when T. told me that.)

So I continued to breastfeed until about 1 pm and then it was time for Monkey’s bath.  Good thing that sponge baths don’t take a lot of time because we were running behind already.  After his bath Monkey was hungry again.  I swear that is all that boy does!

I handed him off to Tarzan so that he could feed him while I took a shower.  I took a fast shower (they are getting faster and faster each time we have to go somewhere) and got dressed in record speed.  I peaked my head into the living room to tell T. that he could shower & I would blow dry my hair in the living room.  (Monkey was peacefully in his swing and I didn’t want to have to disrupt him by bringing him into our room.)

When I was finished blow drying my hair, I started to pack the diaper bag.  There were four diapers in the bag already, but I thought it would be smart to load up on some more (good thinking on my part).  I threw in a bunch of other necessities and then started to put on some makeup.  It’s a-mazing what makeup, cute clothes, and some jewels can do for a girl!  Just sayin’.

After I put on makeup T was out of the shower and dressed.  I decided to pump before I started to collect Monkey’s feeding items.  Tarzan dressed Monkey and got his big Monkey to bring with us.  He also went out and brought the car seat inside.  I finished pumping, cleaned the pump accessories with soap and water, and packed up the accessories & pump so I could bring it with me to my parents… you know, just in case.

I also packed up some bottles, the ice pack, and the travel bag for the ice pack.  I also put some Lansinoh in my pump bag, again, just in case.

We took our dog outside and then we were finally ready to go.  Whew.

It was 2:53 pm.  My parent’s live anywhere from 45 minutes to 1 hour away.  There was no way we were going to be there by 3 pm.  Wishful thinking on my part.

This is only the 2nd time that we have left the house with Monkey and boy is it exhausting.  There is so much to it and you would have thought that we were spending the night at my parent’s house.  There was just so much stuff!  Diaper bag, pump bag, Monkey snoogie seat, and car seat with our real Monkey in it.  Way different from just grabbing my purse and walking out the door!

When we got to my parent’s house, I still felt like I was running a marathon.  Monkey slept while we were in the car and at my parent’s for a bit and then he woke up and was hungry.  And needed his diaper changed.  My mom changed his diaper and I fed him.  (My dad and Tarzan ran out to go pick something up, so I didn’t worry about breastfeeding in front of my dad.)

After a little time on the boob, Monkey let out a little explosion and needed his diaper changed again.  In less than 10 minutes probably.  Then my mom said that she would feed him a bottle with the breastmilk that we brought and asked if I would heat up some water on the stove.

Sure.

This was the first time that I’ve ever heated up a bottle, I’ll have you know.  So I put the bottle in the pot on the stove in the water.  No big deal, right?

After a few minutes I decide it is done and hand it to my mom, who tries to test it on my wrist.  Some precious milk falls out of the side, so I take the bottle and think that the top isn’t screwed on correctly.  I unscrew it and then put it back on.  My mom goes to test it on her wrist.

More precious milk falls onto the floor and I’m about to freak out.  I don’t necessarily care what the reason is for it falling, but it’s annoying that my hard-pumped milk is landing on the floor and not in my baby’s mouth.  What the hell is going on here?!

Then my mom turns the side of the bottle and apparently I had burned a hole in the side.

Yes, you read that right.

There was a big hole in the bottle from me trying to warm it up.  Told you it was my first time.  I’m guessing that the water pushed the bottle to the side of the pot causing the heat to burst a hole in the bottle.  Of course I picked the plastic bottle that came with my pump too, so now I’m down to only three of those bottles.  Why couldn’t I have grabbed one of the two glass bottles I brought?

So. Effing. Annoying.

When Tarzan and my dad returned I told them the news of the bottle with a hole in it.  They laughed and then Tarzan said, “How did you burn a hole in it?”  I know that I’m never going to live that one down either.  It’s going to be a joke for a long time.  How wonderful.

After Monkey was fed, we all decided that we were hungry.  Tarzan and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and it was close to 6 pm now.  Funny how having a baby makes your days speed by so quickly that you actually forget to eat.

Since my parent’s just moved into their house, they hadn’t gone to the grocery store yet.  I liked the idea of ordering in, but everyone else wanted to go out to eat.  I’m usually up for going out, but was quite nervous with a 16-day old baby.  Tarzan was too.

It was decided that we would try out this one restaurant and if it was too crowded, we would leave.  Plus, we would keep Monkey in his car seat with a blanket over it for protection.  Perhaps overkill, but it gave me peace of mind.  Give us a break; we’re first-time parents here!  LOL!

We went to a Mexican restaurant and it must be the only restaurant in town that still has a smoking section.  I mean, really?!  I haven’t been to a restaurant that asked “smoking or non” in many, many years.  Of course the first time that we are asked this question is when we have our newborn baby with us.  Of course.

I was irritated by this because I was already nervous about bringing Monkey into public and now there was a smoking section…  Luckily, they had a patio with no one out there and it wasn’t too hot so we sat outside.  I put Monkey’s car seat facing the trees so that no one could see him, if people decided to join us outside.

Thankfully, no one did.

It was a good dinner and Monkey slept the whole time.  He was so good; T and I were impressed!  After dinner we said goodbye so we could head home.  Even though we were gone for only a few hours it felt like an eternity.  All in all though, it was a good time.

I know that my apprehensions towards going out with Monkey will diminish in time, but I think that I definitely want to wait at least two more weeks before going to dinner with him, going to the mall, or anywhere really.  We will stick to walks in the neighborhood just to stay safe.  I worry too much in public and want to feel a little better about taking him out in public.

I’m so thankful that I can run to the grocery store or do other things while Monkey stays at home with Tarzan.  With all of the worries of a first-time mom, I’m glad that I don’t have to worry about running to the grocery store with Monkey in tow just yet.

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It’s 1:05 AM.  All the lights are turned off except for a small lamp in the far corner of the living room.  The hum of the air purifier and the relaxing waves of the Cloud B Sleep Sheep flow softly in the background.  A soft glow of light flows into the hallway from the light on the porch, casting long shadows upon the living room floor.

Books and magazines about babies scatter the coffee table, nearly covering the surface except one corner that sits a nearly empty glass of water.  Four pairs of shoes lay randomly next to the couch.  A rocking chair covered in pillows from the couch, love seat, and chair sits in the corner nearly hidden among the shadows.

A small pile of baby clothes lay on the floor near the crib awaiting to be taken to the washing machine for yet another cleaning.

Stacks of clean baby clothes, blankets, and accessories sit in bins neatly placed, but overflowing from all sides.

More books occupy nearly every hard surface in the living room and kitchen, awaiting their time to be read.

And clutter lurks in every corner, on every table, and on every chair.

I get up to fill my glass with more water and go to the bathroom.  I walk in, close the door so the light doesn’t wake Jane, and look at myself in the mirror as I splash water on my face.

My face…

I look at myself in the mirror.  When was the last time I shaved?

I splash more water on my face.  Why did I come in here in the first place?  I don’t even need to go to the bathroom.

Upon returning to the living room I creep up to Monkey’s crib and peek inside.  His arms are up above his head and he looks so peaceful. So innocent. So incredible.  My son.  He’s sound asleep.

I glance at my computer and realized I didn’t turn it off yet and as I reached for it I noticed the notebook we’ve been keeping track of Monkey’s daily routine.

Shoot.  What time did I feed him?  And what time did I change him? I forgot to write it down.

I looked at the clock and retraced my steps to figure out the exact time I changed and fed baby Monkey.  I then thought… I don’t sleep well on the couch at all.  I know it’s going to be another long night.  This is tough.  But it’s good that Jane is getting a lot of sleep.  She needs it.  So I do though… well, things will get easier… soon…

I reached over for my computer and sat down.  And here I am now.  Half asleep, but an idea for a blog post I wanted to share before I forgot what I wanted to share.  What was it again?

Oh yes.  Baby Monkey’s feeding schedule.  Welcome to our world.  Here’s yesterday’s full feeding and changing schedule of baby Monkey that I thought I’d share because… well… I really don’t know why.  Maybe I’m sleep blogging again.  OK, here it is:

12:15 AM – Diaper change

12:37 AM – Tarzan feeds Monkey 2 ounces of breast milk via bottle

3:25 AM – Diaper change

3:32 AM – Tarzan feeds Monkey 1 and 1/2 ounces of breast milk via bottle

3:55 AM – Tarzan wakes Jane. Tarzan goes to bed. Jane goes into living room

6:05 AM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 30 minutes on left breast

6:35 AM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 20 minutes on right breast

Unknown time – Diaper change (somewhere between 6 and 6:55)

8:18 AM – Diaper change

10:00 AM – Diaper change

10:06 AM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 20 minutes on right breast

10:30 AM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 15 minutes on left breast

12:15 PM – Diaper change

12:19 PM – Tarzan feeds baby Monkey 1 ounce of breast milk in bottle

3:10 PM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 10 minutes on right breast

3:50 PM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 20 minutes on left breast

4:15 PM – Diaper change

6:00 PM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 30 minutes on left breast

6:30 PM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 30 minutes on right breast

7:02 PM – Diaper change

9:08 PM – Jane breastfeeds baby Monkey for 15 minutes on right breast

10:10 PM – Diaper change

11:50 PM – Diaper change

11:59 PM – Tarzan feeds baby Monkey 3 ounces of breast milk in bottle

Note: This was before we had our Pediatrician appointment and Jane learned she should be breastfeeding 40 minutes on each breast.  Also, the above doesn’t show what happened today where Jane spent nearly two straight hours breastfeeding, minus a couple of diaper changes.

Total diaper changes: 10

Total times feeding: 13

Total hours of sleep for Jane and Tarzan: Maybe 4

Total time baby Monkey slept: Nearly every minute he wasn’t being changed or fed

Also, the above doesn’t include the time we take to play with Baby Monkey during the day before and after most feedings and diaper changes.  It also doesn’t include the bath time.  Also, things change day-to-day.  Some days baby Monkey goes on a feeding storm.  The other day I fed him five ounces in just a few ours – after Jane had breastfed him!  Talk about cluster feeding!  Now I know what that term means – first hand.

And now, I must try and get a little sleep.  It’ll be time to change and feed monkey soon… and then I’ll be waking Jane up so she can come out here and get a little more sleep on the couch before the sun comes  up.

We are working on changing this crazy schedule – believe me.  I can’t wait to sleep in the same bed with Jane, too!

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I know many of you knew this post was coming eventually!  Well, it’s here… The untold journey into newborn baby poop!  Join me as I take you down a road filled with surprises like weird baby poop colors, strange and sometimes explosive pooping sounds, crazy poopy diapers, and those stomach-churning baby poop smells.

Let’s start with your baby’s very first poop. Nothing says “I’m born and ready to see the world!” better than…

Meconium

Seriously, nothing welcomes you into parenthood like a smack in the face and a complete shock to your senses than your baby’s diaper filled with meconium.  That black tar-like baby poop that seems to explode into a diaper and gets into every nook, cranny, and fold on your babies skin.

Baby monkey’s first bowel movement was just like what you see in the picture of meconium in the above link to Wikipedia.  Be careful – don’t click on that link if you have a weak stomach or haven’t been exposed to the world of meconium yet!

Thankfully, the meconium quickly comes and goes and is replaced by the seemingly never-ending diaper changes filled with…

Breastfed Newborn Baby Poop

They say that breastfed newborn baby poop doesn’t stink, but I can tell you first-hand that it does have a slight smell to it.  It smells enough that when we’re holding Monkey that we can tell that he pooped and it’s time for a new diaper.

I’ll even go out on a limb and say that it has somewhat of a sweet smell to it, but it’s not a smell that you’d say “Mmmmm” to like fresh chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven.

So we’re safe from the smell of breastfed baby poop, but what I wasn’t safe from, and really freaked me out was the…

Seedy Baby Poop – What the!?

What really amazed me and really confuses me is why is breastfed baby poop seedy?  Where on earth do those baby poop seeds come from?  There’s no way seeds are flowing out of Jane’s breast when she’s breastfeeding so I figured something is going on in Baby Monkey’s belly to make milk somehow transform into a mustard colored poop filled with seeds.  (Think Grey Poupon mustard with some poppy seeds all mixed in it.  Makes me wonder why it’s called Grey PoupOn!  LOL)

So I just had to research this one.  After all, neither Jane and I ever took a class on what breastfed baby poop looks like, so all these sights and smells are new to us!  Come to find out, seeds in baby poop is quite normal in breastfed babies.  From what I can tell it has something to do with the mom’s fat in the breast milk and something happens in your baby’s belly or digestive track to have it form these seeds.  Any other explanations on this are more than welcome so we and our readers can get to the bottom of baby poop seeds.  All I know is those are not any seeds I want to plant in the garden… I bet they’d grow a poop tree!

And that brings me to the next stop on this journey into baby poop… the often interesting sounds of…

Baby Farts & Baby Gas Leaks

Some of you may remember my post about Pregnancy Gas I wrote awhile back where I listed 8 different gas sounds that Jane made throughout her pregnancy.  Well, I’m going to say that Monkey is taking over where Jane left off!  Baby Monkey farts and his wild baby gas sounds can fit into those list of 8 pregnancy gas sounds very easily – and then some!

There are sounds that come out of Monkey’s bottom that I’ve never heard in my life.  For example, last night while Jane was breastfeeding Monkey, we heard this rapid-fire explosion that sounded like it was under water coming from his behind. “Oh my gosh!” I jumped up from the couch over to Jane and she was laughing so hard that her stomach was bouncing like crazy and Monkey detached from her nipple and seemed to be enjoying the bouncing belly ride!

I ran over to her expecting there to be baby poop all over Monkey, Jane, our couch, and who knows what.  It sounded like it had enough power to shoot some projectile poop clearly across the state of Wyoming.  At first I didn’t know what in the heck Jane was doing.  She was making no sounds, I couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying, and I started to wonder if it was Monkey that pooped or if Jane had a massive accident and was crying!

“Are you OK?  What in the heck are you doing!?” I asked Jane.  Finally she could breathe and laughter came out.  “I’m laughing!” She said.

“Do you have baby poop all over you?” I asked Jane as I inspected her surroundings.  “I don’t think so, but would you mind taking him and changing him?  I think he just pooped a TON”, Jane told me still laughing at the exploding wet baby fart Monkey did.

As I picked him up, “Bwwwwwweeerrrtttt Bwwweeerrrtttsssshhh!” OH NO!

I quickly made the few steps over to the changing table expecting the worse baby poop experience of my Daddy life.  I laid Monkey down, unbuttoned the little snaps and unstuck one of the diaper straps.  I moved to the side to get a sneak peak of the awaiting disaster and didn’t see anything.  Huh!?

I then unlatched the other side of his diaper and pulled the diaper down.  I was SHOCKED at what I saw!  His little baby poop was only the size of a silver dollar!  All those baby fart sounds, and baby gas explosions and all that was for this little bit of baby poop!?  Whoa.  I fully expected Monkey’s baby poop to be EVERYWHERE.  But thankfully, we avoided a diaper disaster.  :)

And this brings me to the often laughable subject of…

Baby Pee

Now why is baby pee sometimes laughable?  Well, sometimes all you can do is laugh about the situations your find yourself in when it comes to baby pee.  I can tell you that Jane and I have already experienced the joys of changing a diaper and putting on fresh clean clothes only to pick Monkey up and feel that he is wet.  Yup, his baby pee soaked right though his diaper and right through his clothes, so we get stuck doing a back-to-back diaper and clothing change.

One of the laughable moments is when Jane is changing Monkey and I’m on the side of her helping her out with getting the diaper and clothing ready, she’ll just start to put his new diaper on and he’ll start to pee.  She’ll have to shield Monkey’s face with her hand and although we don’t laugh about it when those things happen, all we can do is laugh about them now.  *Thankfully* that hasn’t happened to me yet thanks to my rapid diaper changes I do, as I mentioned on Twitter today.

And yesterday, I was officially peed on for the first time.  Urrgh.  I had just changed Monkey and was sitting him on my lap playing with him.  He made a weird face, I laughed, and then felt my leg getting warmer and warmer.  Hmmmm… Why is your bottom so warm little buddy?  I lifted him up and saw a big wet spot on my shorts getting larger and larger.

“Ahhhhh!  Monkey is peeing on me!” I yelled to Jane.  I was frozen and didn’t know what to do.  Jane of course started laughing at me and once he was finished, I changed him… and then changed myself.  And thanks to Twitter, we learned to make sure that Monkey’s wee-wee is facing down so he doesn’t leak pee all over his diaper… or parents!

The Baby Poop Journey: Act 1

With Monkey being only a week old, Jane and I know that our baby poop journey is JUST getting started.  We have absolutely NO idea what we’re in for as far as the colors, smells, textures, sounds, and everything else that Baby Monkey throws (or poops out) at us.  All I have to say is that I prey everyday that we never have to experience projectile poop first-hand when Monkey’s diaper is off.

Getting covered by baby poop along with the walls, ceiling, floor, and maybe even the dog is not anything I ever want to go through!

But you want to know something?  I have been grossed out FAR less than what I had expected.  Sure some of Monkey’s little baby poops gross me out.  But I have surprised myself!  I handled Monkey being born like a pro and I didn’t pass out or feel woozy – and (so far anyway) I’ve handles baby poop and baby pee like a pro Daddy!

But something tells me that the baby poop journey Act 2 is going to be another story when the sounds, smells, and colors of breastfed baby poop are taken to whole new levels!

P.S… I wrote the above 1/2 asleep – sorry about any sentences that don’t make sense or ramblings that don’t go anywhere. LOL  Jane is sleeping on the couch right now.  Monkey is sleeping.  Our dog is sleeping.  I have had too much coffee and in this weird zombie-like 1/2 awake 1/2 asleep daze that makes it nearly impossible to fall asleep right now!

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