Today was my first OB appointment complete with an ultrasound.  I was pretty excited to see a little blob on the ultrasound screen and started feeling a little nervous when I just saw an empty sac.  Actually my heart just about sank, if you want to know the truth.

The ultrasound tech asked me if I could be off as to how far along I was and I told her that I could.  (Remember, I know when we had sex, and that date is about 2.5 weeks after my last period.)  Of course when I made my appointment they asked me when my last period was, so the ultrasound should have shown something today.  According to my last period, I would be 8weeks 2days today.

But I’m not.

I’m only 5weeks 5days.

And apparently that is too early to show anything on a transvaginal ultrasound.  So I have another appointment in two weeks for another ultrasound and we should be able to see our little blob then.

The new OB was totally nice & I really liked her and the office.  I will stick with her for this pregnancy because it will be easier for Monkey if he has to be with me during appointments.  She told me not to worry about not seeing a baby; it’s just too soon and it doesn’t mean anything.  She said that it looks like I have a good strong sac, so that was some positive words to hear.

I mean, what girl doesn’t want to hear that she has a good sac?  Ha, ha.

Positive vibes my way would be appreciated, y’all.  I really want to see something on that ultrasound screen in a couple of weeks.

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Not only have I changed my mind about many things while being pregnant, but since I’m completely indecisive about the 3D/4D ultrasound, I need your opinion.

My whole pregnancy I have been against doing the 3D/4D ultrasound because I think that it’s creepy.  I have thought that it would be the biggest waste of money and that I would not enjoy it.

Well now that I’m 34 weeks pregnant it’s a whole other story.  

The 3D/4D ultrasound popped into my head yesterday and now I’m torn about it.  Maybe because I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy and I’m getting anxious to meet him.  Maybe I just want to catch a glimpse of him sucking his thumb or yawning.  I don’t know.

I do know that after he is born I will have no idea what to do with the pictures and the DVD.  I mean, I’ll have him in real life and won’t need to see a window into my stomach anymore.  And remember I have about 30 regular 2D ultrasound pictures that I never look at…

The creepy factor:  Yes, I have always thought that they were scary-looking.  But I’m guessing that I’m not going to think my baby is scary-looking.  I mean, c’mon, it’s my baby.  

It’s like seeing another baby or a kid.  Sorry if this offends you, but there are plenty of children (babies included) that I do not think are cute.  No matter what mine looks like though, I’m pretty sure that I will think he’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  It’s just how it works.

The money factor:  It’s $135 for 15 minutes, complete with a DVD set to music (big deal, right?), 6 black and white 3D pictures, 3 colorized thermal prints of your baby, CD with 20 pictures to email others, and a few other things that I completely do not care about.

To me it seems like a lot of money still, just because I don’t know if he’ll be facing the right way or just cooperating in general.  Plus, I figure it’s a smart idea to not make too many frivolous purchases this soon to the baby coming.  I hear that diapers get expensive.  Ha, ha.

What my husband think:  He’s not really onboard with the 3D/4D pregnancy ultrasound.  He is sticking to his guns about not wanting to see his son looking creepy.  Plus he thinks that we could save that money or at least spend it on something a little more worthwhile.  

That being said, he said that if I really want to do it, we can, which is nice but doesn’t really help to solidify anything.  

What my mom thinks:  She’s not a fan either.  She has seen many of these pictures and thinks they are all alien-like.  She thinks that I will freak out seeing my baby like that.  She said that if the only thing stopping me is the money, then she would pay.  I told her that wasn’t necessary.  

What I think:  I think that if I don’t do it, I would regret it.  If I do it and he doesn’t cooperate, I will be annoyed.  If I do it and he cooperates and I think he’s creepy looking, I will be okay with this (I really can’t see myself thinking that my own child looks creepy though.)

The only thing stopping me is my husband.  I think I would feel bad spending money that he doesn’t want to spend.  It’s like the whole guilt-trip kind of thing:  ”Sure, we can do it if you really want to”, but you know that secretly he is hoping I come to my senses and don’t want to do this.

Where you come in:  I would love to hear your reasons for doing the 3D/4D pregnancy ultrasound or for not doing it.  Anything that can help me make a decision would be absolutely lovely.

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 Dear Non-Pregnant Person,

I hope you find these guidelines helpful in your interactions with pregnant women, as failing to follow them may result in serious physical harm.  If you are thinking, surely she doesn’t mean me – then you should probably read this twice. 

1.  The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is ‘Congratulations!’ with enthusiasm.  Any other response makes you a jerk. 

2.  Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father – not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase ‘my baby’. 

3.  On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in 2, the pregnancy, birth, and raising of the child are not about you.  You do not have input.  No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it… 

4.  The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body.  You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix, or how they plan to use their breasts.  Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman. 

5.  Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight…ever.  A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face.  Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby.  Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended.  The only acceptable comment on appearance is ‘You look fabulous!’. 

6.  By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot.  We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant.  We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.  Nor do we need to know how badly you will feel for us because we will be pregnant during the summer and how glad you are that YOU will not be pregnant this coming summer.

7.  There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster.  Childbirth is actually not a public event.  It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL, or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals.  Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.  You weren’t invited to be there when the baby was created, you probably won’t be invited to be there when it comes out either. 

8.  Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited.  This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital, and the parent’s home.  You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to ‘help out’.  If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it. 

9.  If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way.  Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules, and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping. 

10.  The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents.  Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child.  Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

Sincerely,

All the Pregnant Women in the World

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I posted last week about my OB wanting me to have another ultrasound to check the growth, anatomy, and “esp. cardiac”.  I told you my worries about this and how Tarzan calmed me down.  I really have a wonderful husband!  Even though I was anxious when we got to the hospital, all of those feelings went away as soon as the ultrasound started.

Our ultrasound tech. was really great and explained so much more of what we were seeing than the other tech. did.  We saw a lot more detail this time around too.  We saw all four chambers of the little papaya’s (he’s about that size) heart and his heart beat was a healthy 155 bpm.  The tech. kept telling us that he was being a show-off because he was in the perfect position for her to get the growth measurements and to look at his heart.  

While I was laying there, flat on my back with my head tilted towards the screen, I felt funny all of a sudden.  It was a mixture of feeling lightheaded combined with a little nausea.  I had the feeling of “I need to get up right now” and so I told Tarzan and the tech. and propped myself up on my arms.  

The tech. went to get me some orange juice and I turned over to my left side for a minute.  After doing both of those things I felt so much better.  It’s funny because besides seeing the baby at the ultrasound, I was looking forward to laying on my back during it.  I never realized how much I liked laying on my back since my OB told me to stop a few months ago.

The excitement of that was short-lived and it didn’t feel so good.  I guess there is some truth to the whole laying on your back thing.

After the tech. was done getting all the measurements, the radiologist came in to take a look.  She really had a good time with the ultrasound wand on my stomach and agreed that our baby was the really showing off and that this was a picture-perfect ultrasound.  Aw, we have a shining star already!

All in all it was a great ultrasound.  It calmed any fears that I had and reassured me that the baby is growing and is healthy.  He’s currently 1 lb, 10 oz and everything with my amniotic fluid, cervix, placenta, and baby is just as it should be.  The only thing that wasn’t “perfect”, but really doesn’t matter is that he was currently in the breech position.  But since there’s still time for him to move about, it’s not a worry at all. 

I’m just so thankful that he’s doing great and growing at a healthy rate!  That’s all I could ask for!!

And on a whole other note, I’m so excited to almost be graduating from second trimester and moving to the third trimester!  It’s really going by SO much faster than I ever thought it would be!

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Whew, what a day yesterday was!  

First, if you didn’t see the last blog post or any of the Twitter tweets, and if you didn’t guess from the title of this blog post, I’ll clue you in:  We are having a boy!  

We are so excited and couldn’t be happier, but the day didn’t start off that way.  In fact, it was a bit rough!

I was so excited about the big ultrasound this week that I couldn’t sleep.  I was up at 2 am and wasn’t able to fall back asleep.  I was a hot mess yesterday morning.  I was super cranky and really feel bad for my husband because I yelled at him a few times.

The night before our ultrasound I told Tarzan that we needed to leave our house between 6:45 am and 7 am.  We both aren’t always exactly on time, so I figured this 15 minute window would allow for extra time.  Well, we ended up leaving the house around 7:05 am and it was Tarzan’s fault, not mine.  I was dressed and waiting on him (probably the first time in my life).

Of course this put me in a fine mood.  

When we got out to the garage I got in the car and Tarzan decided it was the perfect time to take out the trash.  Really?!  Still I kept quiet.  As he was driving out of our neighborhood, he made a left turn where we should have gone straight.  Oh yes, he decided to stop at the freakin’ mailbox to mail some bills.  Again, why THAT was important at that particular time I don’t know. 

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore.  I sighed a really heavy and annoyed sigh, you know, to let him know that this was not okay and that I was pissed.  It was now 7:09 am.  Nine minutes past when we were supposed to leave.

(Before you think I sound extremely anal, let me clarify.  If you’ve ever been to Houston, you know that the traffic in the morning is horrid.  I am so thankful that we both work from home because I couldn’t stand driving and sitting in all that traffic two times a day.  Nine minutes is a big deal in Houston.  Nine minutes earlier could have meant that we would have been in front of the accident, instead of stuck in the traffic behind it.  You get the picture, hence my annoyance at the mail and trash delay that took place.  Oy!)

We sat in traffic for a good 1.5 hours before I panicked about being late and not getting in for the ultrasound.  Of course I blamed all of this on Tarzan too.  I felt like I was going to throw up and I couldn’t get comfortable in my seat.  I felt sick.  My heart was racing and Tarzan’s driving was making me go insane.  I kept yelling at him to brake faster, which only made him get more and more upset.  

I reminded him that he just needed to “shut up” (my exact words), “tell me what I want to hear“, and “learn how to deal with me“.  I told him that he needed to drive better, or go back to drivers ed.  Yes, I know that I was rude, but at the time I was pissed.  I must have told him to “shut up” at least 5 times.  (Before yesterday I don’t think I’ve ever said that to him.  I really am a good wife, despite my pregnant hormones that cause me to yell at my husband.)

After our little conversation I decided it would be best to call the hospital and let them know we would be a little late.  Thank God that the lady told me it would be all right to be 15-20 minutes late.  Whew.  This did calm me down a bit.  

Finally we made it to the hospital only 5 minutes after our scheduled time.  Not too bad.  That was the worst drive that Tarzan and I have ever been on.  His poor hands were so tense on the steering wheel with trying to dodge traffic, make an appointment on time, and deal with a psycho-at-times pregnant wife.  Poor guy.

You would think that everything would go smoothly after this, but no… The hospital was being remodeled.  Not that either one of us had been there before, but all the permanent signs on the wall that tell you where to go were wrong.  We followed the signs to “admitting” and were told that we needed to go into the west tower instead of being in the main hospital.  We did our best walk-without-actually-running and finally made it there. 

The receptionist was really nice when we checked in.  Thank God!  She asked me if had drank my 16 oz of water yet and I told her that I was unaware of that little step in this ultrasound process.  No one told me that.  No worries though, I had some time to drink water while waiting.  

I had had 12 oz of water on the way to the hospital and now needed to pee.  Badly.  Since I’ve obviously never done this before, I didn’t know what to do.  

Do I pee or do I hold it?  

Tarzan told me that he would go buy more water and for me to go to the bathroom.  I swear, I breathed a sigh of relief as I was going to the bathroom.  Holding it really starts to get painful after a while!

So for about 45 minutes I drank water, peed, drank water, peed, and repeated this process four times.  

Finally my buzzer went off (it was the kind of buzzer that you get while waiting at a restaurant) and the technician came to get me.  Tarzan and I started to follow her, but she told Tarzan that she would come back for him.  He had to continue waiting in the waiting room, which was awful.

The tv was on CNN and I don’t know about you feel about that, but we aren’t newsy types of people.  We like to call it “Constant Negative News”, just our opinions of course.  In fact the story that was on was about a Muslim TV executive who beheaded his wife and left 2 kiddos behind.  Really, is this what pregnant women (or people who aren’t pregnant) want to hear about?!  Not me, but Tarzan had to stay.  He wasn’t “allowed” to escape just yet.  Again, poor guy!

I was led into the dressing room, where I was informed that I needed to take off everything except my bra and put on this weird 3-armed gown.  Hmm, this was something that I hadn’t planned on.  I thought that the tech. would pull my shirt up, pull my pants down, and do what she does with the stick.  Nope, not the case.  I had to be naked “down there”.

Usually this would be fine.  I’m never too worried about that kind of thing, but yesterday I was a little uneasy.  I hadn’t had time to shower before and the last shower I took was the previous night.  I’m normal and worry about the area “down there” when I have to go panty-less without being aware.  It’s not like I got dirty during the night because you know that I’m not in a very sexual mood at all, so I was keeping my fingers crossed that everything would be “fresh”. 

Anyways…

It was finally time to get down to business and by that, I mean find out whether we were having a little penis or a little vagina.  Or at least that is what I thought.  

Instead the tech. poured a ton of warm gel on my belly and started moving around.  The first glance of baby and I had tears.

Tears!!!   

This is a big step for me.  

As you know from previous blogs, I have gotten quite emotional while being pregnant.  I’ve gotten emotional about ABC’s Extreme Home Makeover, about arguments with Tarzan, at the first Christmas song I heard on the radio, but never about the baby.  It’s not that I’m insensitive or unhappy at all.  The emotional side of having a baby just hadn’t hit me until I saw our baby on the ultrasound.  

The last time I saw the baby in the ultrasound at 7 weeks, it resembled a blob.  No joke.  While I was excited to see the heart beating and to see that there was something in my belly, it didn’t hit me at the time.  It just didn’t feel quite real.  More in my imagination then anything.  Up until yesterday I hadn’t cried about the baby and besides throwing up, getting headaches and pimples, and feeling fat, I hadn’t really felt too pregnant.

That all changed yesterday.  

Something changed the second I saw our baby on the screen.  I cried.  Not just a few tears, but like needing to wipe my tears away so that more could come out while still being able to see the screen.  It was amazing.  Without sounding cheesy, I am now a changed woman about all things baby.  

I just kept saying, “Aw, it’s our baby.”  It was the best morning ever and all of the stress from the drive to the hospital immediately vanished from my memory.  It was the beginning of our little family and I was amazed by everything I saw on the screen.

The tech. was really wonderful and showed us tons of pictures.  We saw the feet, spinal cord, brain, eye socket, elbow, hands, legs, nose, ears, and the penis.  Well, we had to be told that it was a penis and that we were having a boy!  

A BABY BOY!!

(There is a great shot of the baby’s legs and something in the middle.  Of course Tarzan said, “Is that  3rd leg?”  Ha, ha.  That’s my husband and boy do I love him!)

The sweetest moment that stands out to me is looking at the baby on the screen and having Tarzan hold my hand.  It was just amazing and the happiest moment!

The tech. gave her measurements to the radiologist, who came in to meet us and told us everything was measuring as it should.  She gave us the report to bring to our doctor’s office and gave me the go ahead to wipe the gel off my stomach and put on my normal clothes.  After stopping by the restroom an additional two times after I got dressed, we left with a ton of pictures in hand and headed to my doctor’s office.

My doctor’s office is in the building next door, so it’s a very short drive, but I must have cried the whole time.  It was a happy cry.  As in “I’m going to be a mom.  You are going to be a dad.  We are going to have a son.”  It was so real and precious!

Best Moment Ever.

After we got a parking spot at the doctor’s office, Tarzan and I just stood outside the car and had a moment.  We shared a sweet hug and the embrace was just perfect.  A lot of realizations really hit us at that moment and it was great to just take a step back and take it all in.

We went into the dr. office and there was little boys everywhere.  It was a sign.  We saw a newborn baby boy, a 3 week old baby boy, and a 2 year old boy.  It’s funny what you start to see when your life changes.  The 2 year old was a little wild and I told Tarzan that we are going to have our hands full with a little boy, especially if our little boy takes after Tarzan.  

The doctor went over our report and everything looked awesome!  I was measuring 4 days ahead, so 18 weeks and 2 days.  The baby weighs 8 oz (half of a pound).  No abnormalities.  Placenta is good.  There is the right amount of amniotic fluid.  The baby is faced down already, so we hope that he stays that way.  All in all, it was a great report.  We are going to have a healthy baby boy!!  The doctor wrote us an A+ on the report.  Again, no joke.

We left the office with big grins on our faces.  Both of our parent’s wanted to know immediately, but we didn’t feel like talking on the phone.  We just wanted to share the moment between us at the time before rushing into the many phone conversations.  I did feel a little bad, especially since I had so many text messages from friends and family too, but we stuck our guns.

The whole way home we talked about how it would be to have a son.  It was a great time and much better than the car ride to the appointment!  We decided on a restaurant for lunch and when we pulled into the parking lot, my cell phone went off for the 3rd time.  It was my mom, worried, because she knew that our appointment was at 9 am and it was 12:30 pm.  

Completely understandable.  

Tarzan and I decided it would be best to call her to let her know that things were good.  We called my mom, told her the good news, and then grabbed a bite to eat.  Yum, lunch.  I swear I had the whole bread basket, my salad, and my mushroom ravioli.  Even Tarzan noticed that my appetite has increased lately!  

Gotta help the baby grow, right?  

After lunch we called our dads, my brother, and my grandmother.  I ended up texting all of my friends because it was so overwhleming to talk on the phone to every single person that wanted to know.  After the phone calls we stopped at Baby Gap and picked up a couple of really cute little boy onesies.  I have to admit that even though little girls clothes are cuter, I was impressed with the cuteness factor for boys that Baby Gap had.  

We came home and plopped our butts on the couch and hung out.  It was such a busy day, full of so many emotions.  Crying, yelling, being stressed, feeling happy, etc.  Whew!  Even though we got off to a rough start at the beginning of the day, the rest of the day was just perfect.  

It’s funny how this all started…  

Our “journey” into parenthood started with having too much to drink at a bar on Halloween night, which resulted in sex and forgetting about my birth control pills.  

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was a disaster.  We weren’t ready and I was terrified.  We kept it between us for a little while and got used to the idea of being pregnant.  

We had our first appointment and saw the heartbeat inside my stomach.  It became more real.  I started getting really sick and feeling like crap.  It became even more real.  We heard the heartbeat and thought that was amazing.  

But it wasn’t until we saw our baby at 17/18 weeks of being pregnant that it finally hit us both.  I cried my eyes out, and Tarzan had some tears in his.  We talk to our son in my belly now.  We seem to be closer as a couple and have a newfound love for one another.  I’m pregnant and loving it (now).  

I love having our baby inside of me and loving someone that I haven’t even met so much already.  It’s overwhelming, but so fulfilling and I’m so thankful for this little life growing inside of me.  I’m thankful for my husband and what he means to me.  I’m thankful that I’m going to be a mom.  I’m thankful that we are going to be a family of 4 (counting our dog of course).  I just feel so blessed with everything going on.  The things that truly matter are great.  We have a healthy baby.  We are healthy.  We have a lot of love to give and to show as an example to our son.

I know that we may not be the best parents in the world; we’ll make mistakes, but we will love our son like no other and do anything and everything that we can for him.  Shoot, we are already doing things with him in mind.

I love you little baby boy!

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Pregnant Jane ready for the ultrasound!

 It has been a very, very long day for Jane and I!  We both didn’t get much sleep at all because we were so excited about the ultrasound today.  The day has been so long, I barely remember even writing the blog post before this one and had some good laughs at myself!  So that means I’m either going crazy or I’m in need of much needed sleep.

The day started out pretty rough once we left the house.  I’ll let Jane fill you guys in on all of those details because she was not nice to me.  Yes, sadly I got to see the fire-breathing dragon again thanks to those pregnancy hormones kicking in – and there was no way for me to escape.  I was trapped in the car and just kept my mouth shut, which is *sometimes* a way to tame the pregnancy hormones and fire-breathing dragon they create!

Here is Jane getting the BIG ultrasound!

Sometimes I just never know when those hormones are going to kick in.  Sometimes I never know what to say or how to react.  And 9.9 times out of ten, my reaction is the opposite of what I should have done or said… or not done or said.  I’ve learned a few weeks ago that the pregnancy hormone battle is not a battle a father-to-be can win!

Anyway, today was a good day.  Everything went VERY well and the ultrasound went GREAT.  Our baby is in perfect health, everything checked out fine and the doctor even wrote A+ on the report!  Sadly, she needed to keep the report so I wasn’t able to take that with us.  That was our child’s first A+ and we are so proud!  Heck, I don’t think I ever received an A+ in my life!  So I know you guys are all wondering…

Because of the ultrasound today and learning if we’re having a boy or girl, has everything REALLY started to set in for both Jane and I?  The answer is YES.  Everything has become VERY real now!  It’s amazing the difference that just one day makes.  Fatherhood is setting in like crazy.  Lots of thinking I want and need to do this evening.

Here is a picture of our baby when we learned boy or girl!

Other than that, as I mentioned above, Jane will be posting in a little while when she wakes up from her nap.  She only got what, about 3 hours of sleep?  That’s not enough for a pregnant girl at all!  Worst case, if she sleeps the rest of the evening, then she’ll post and fill you in on our REALLY REALLY exciting day!  It’s so incredible to finally know if we’re having a boy or girl and it’s so great to share this with all of you!

You guys have really helped us so much over the past month and a half and we REALLY appreciate you stopping by and commenting on our blog posts.  Reading all of your replies, stories, suggestions, etc. has been amazing.  So thanks again!  And Jane and I are so so so so excited!!!!  Whoooo Hoooooo!

            P.S… The answer to the question, “are we having a boy or girl” is secretly hidden within the above post.  Can you unlock the secret code?  Or will the sex of our baby remain a secret forever!?

Oh… and here’s a picture of my beautiful pregnant Jane in the elevator after the ultrasound:

Too bad you can't see her HUGE smiling face after learning the BIG news!

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3. I think I hurt my mom’s feelings about our big ultrasound tomorrow If you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you...

Poor Jane couldn’t get back to sleep after I went to bed at 1 something this AM.  I couldn’t fall asleep for a couple of hours.  Jane came out here at 2 AM, replied to her blog post that has like 500 comments and watched TV.

Poor girl only got a few hours of sleep.  I only got around 3 or so.

We both had crazy and funny dreams last nigh – both had pregnant people (or animals) and babies.

Oh, and as I write this, I’m eating a bowl of Cheeiors in case you’re wondering how they fit in the picture.

We need to leave here in 30 minutes.  I still need to shower and get dressed.  I’m exhausted.  So is Jane.

Uhhh Ohhh.  Jane is coughing and gagging.  The same noise she makes when nausea and morning sickness hits her.  GOd I hope she doesn’t get sick.  She just came out and said she has a bad feeling she’s going to throw up.  Maybe she needs good in her stomach.  Maybe it’s nerves.  Maybe she’s pregnant.  Pregnant!?

Whoooha!  In a few hours we find out if we’re having a boy or girl!  We’re both excited and nervous like crazy!  I finished off the ice cream last night and watched a couple recordings of Survivor Man and Man Vs. Wild – two great guy shows.  Tried to calm my mind last night – unsuccessful.  Mind racing this am.

I’m going to be a father.  Jane is going to be a mom.

Whoa.  This is the real-deal.  Today is the BIG day.  This is crazy.  Holy cow and holy moly.  The realness of everything is surreal.

I hope Jane doesn’t throw up.  Need to bring some plastic bags with us.  Oh boy.  We’re going to be parents.  Cheerios and a banana are tasting really good right now.  Need to shower.  We need to go.  Running late already.  Today is the big day.  Holy smokes!  We Are Going To Be Parents of a baby!  A real-deal baby!  Whaaaa!

This is crazy.  Wow.  OK.  Need to shower now.  Very frazzled.  

I hope to remember to put pants on.  

Man this cereal is good.

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My mind is buzzing with so many thoughts.  So much going on.  I just put Jane to bed and I sat on the couch for a moment and let all my thoughts come crashing down on me.  

I guess this post will be one of my ‘brain dump’ posts I’ve found myself doing from time to time.

Update: Within this post I share a BIG secret I’ve never talked about before.  You’ll see in a moment.  But first…

The Big Is It A Boy Or Girl Ultrasound Day!

Tomorrow is the BIG day that our baby officially becomes a he or she.  Well, I guess she or he has already been a she or he for awhile now, but we’ll finally be able to know if he is a he or she is a she for sure.  Try saying that sentence 10 times fast.  Whew!

A lot of emotions have been running though me today.  Many of them have been running in my subconscious while I was hard at work for most of the day.  But about all else of of course is about Jane’s ultrasound tomorrow.  I don’t want to bore folks with more ramblings about my father-to-be realizations, as I talked a lot about everything yesterday.

As many of you read on Jane’s recent blog post, she had a tough time today after telling her mom ‘no’ about her coming with us.  We talked about it quite a bit.  My initial reaction when she told me that her mom asked if she could come with us was a little freaked out.  Not so much in a bad way, but I’ve had the vision of just Pregnant Jane and I in the room and having the day to ourselves.

I understand that it is just as exciting for a grandparent to find out if they’ll soon have a granddaughter or a grandson, but in my opinion, some things should be left to the couples.  We need to have our own special memories together.  That’s what further builds the foundation of a relationship.  After all, no one was around when we made our little Tarzan or Jane Junior!  Well, actually, it was after too many jello shots on Halloween… Hmmm… At least I think we were alone anyway!

I’ll admit, if Jane didn’t have a problem with her mom being there, I would have.  I want to share that special lifetime memory with my pregnant wife, Jane.  You don’t get too many moments in life like that, and I want it to be just me and her.  Damn.  The doctor is going to be there too.  Oh well, maybe I’ll kick her out and I’ll do the ultrasound myself and figure out if we’re having a baby boy or girl.  ha!

So yeah, I’m excited about tomorrow on many, many levels.  Now for my next rambling…

Tarzan’s Big Secret

I’m actually the pregnant girl and Jane is my husband!  I didn’t want to tell anyone until I had our baby, but I thought it would be a good idea to let everyone know that.  So yeah, that’s the big secret.  Crazy, huh?  This whole time you thought that Tarzan was the father and Jane was the mother.  Whew!  Crazy, huh?

OK, I am TOTALLY joking about the above!  I am Tarzan and I have a penis.  I’m the dad.  My boys can swim and I knocked Jane up.  So no worries.  I just wanted to pull a fast one on you and see your reaction.  Wow, I wish you could have seen your face!  For that matter, I wish I could have to!  OK, so now for the real-deal secret…

A recent comment on one of our blog posts (I wish I could remember which one it was, sorry!) made me realize something.  In a round-about way, what I’m doing on this blog is exactly what my father did for me after I was born.  Up until today, I never put two-and-two together.

You see, my father wrote in his journal several times a week when I was growing up – from shortly after I was born all the way to when I finished high school.

The day I graduated, he gave me something that not many people in the world have.  What he did for me (which took him MONTHS to do), was he went through all of his journals (TONS of them) and found something (or a few things) special we did, or something big that happened in my life, and wrote out some blurbs about them on a huge 12 months calendar which I of course still have.

Any day of the year I can look at that calendar and see what happened that day years and years ago.  Sometimes it’s just that my dad and I went on a little trip somewhere, sometimes it’s something like him catching me kissing my first girlfriend, the first night I snuck out of the house (and got caught!) my first fist fight, my first car, my first broken arm… just about anything you can think of – along with tons of great memories of us together.

Now you all know where I get this from.   And the funniest thing is that I didn’t even think about this until today.  We Tarzan’s must have journaling, blogging, writing, etc. in our blood!

So son/daughter when you graduate high school, your dad will do something cool for you like what my dad did for me.  And with technology now-a-days, you’ll have pictures, videos, text, and who knows what else, maybe even holograms by that time of your whole life up until then.

So that’s my little secret for what it’s worth.  I just thought that was really cool – and it made me appreciate what my dad did for me even more.  And when I call him tomorrow to let him know if he’s going to have a grandson or granddaughter, I’m also going to thank him for documenting everything and the great calendar he gave me… and that I’ll be doing the same thing.

However, we of course will not mention this blog – heck no!  Some things are best to keep secret.  Like the time when I was a mere tiny freshman in high school and I thought my father was working that day and I brought a senior girl home.  When he came back from the store and opened the door, I… oops.  Sorry Jane.  I best tell you that story before I post that one here! 

Anyway, next up on my ramble here…

The Pregnant House

I think our house is pregnant.  It’s expecting.  It’s expecting us to either stay here, or it’s expecting us to sell.

There is a small chance we can create our own little bail-out here and save ourselves the embarrassment, hassle, work, trouble, frustration, stress, etc. of having to sell and move from our house that we bought a year ago into a tiny house we’d have to rent.

I’ve been working really hard lately.  I’ve been exercising quite a bit which has helped bring my stress levels down.  After two trips to the doctors and some really scary nights, I knew that my stress was getting the best of me. I’ve also been reading some great old books on improving my mindset and trying hard to get it back to where it was before everything began to crash down on me.

Jane has noticed a big chance in me over the last week or so.  I feel about 300 pounds lighter.  I feel a lot better.  In between all the walking and reading, I’ve been working hard to try and make some deals happen for my business.  If I can make two big things happen within the next week to week and 1/2, then we will be able to stay in this house and be able to pay for the doctor bills without freaking out.  (As far as the hospital bills when our baby is born, that’s a different story!)

And if those two big things happen, I’ll finally have the funds I need to start a new business that I’ve been wanting to start for a very long time.  A business that I feel 100% confident in that can support our growing family.  It’s very frustrating to be in this situation at times.

Sometimes I feel we’re so close; yet other times I feel we’re so far.

There have been a few times over the last month and 1/2 that I couldn’t even pay the bills sitting on our kitchen table.  Not because we didn’t have the money in our account to pay them, but because of how much they were stressing me out.  I’ve never ever been that way – even at times in my life where I had zero money to pay bills in my young and dumb years.

Just goes to show the extreme level of stress I was having with everything going on.  Yes, I finally paid them, thankfully none of them were late as I work hard to keep my credit A+… especially now-a-days… especially with being self-employed.

So yes.  We have a tiny chance that we can save our house.  Two completely unrelated nearly miracle deals need to happen… but as I’ve said somewhere before, it’s at times like these when miracles happen the most.

Funny thing is, it’s no so much selling the house… it’s not so much really anything else besides me wanting to keep our house so that Jane and I can paint and decorate a nursery together for our son or daughter.  If we had to sell and move to some rental house, we obviously wouldn’t go all out on a nursery there.

I just have this image in my mind of Jane and I wearing old cloths, painting the nursery, listening to music, laughing, having fun, me recording a lot of it on video, and so on.  I know when Jane reads this, she is going to cry.  I’m sorry beautiful… If I can’t make magic happen in the next week and 1/2, I promise you that I will make magic happen this year and we’ll decorate an even better room and nursery than the room we’d use here.

And the funny thing is, in my little vision of us paining the room, we’re always painting it in GIRL colors!  I’ve gone back and fourth on that many times, but I think I keep settling on boy.  But my little visions of us painting and decorating the nursery are for a girl.  Which one is right?  We’ll see tomorrow!

Anyway, I’m working hard to make that vision a reality for my beautiful 17 week pregnant Jane.  Not just “work work”, but a lot of work upstairs.  Without getting all weird on you, I believe that the more you work on yourself, the more you can improve the things happening in your life.

For MONTHS all I’ve been focusing on is lack.  Lack of money.  Lack of business.  Lack of clients.  Lack of happiness.  Lack of everything.  And as the saying goes, ‘what you focus on expands and becomes your reality’, over the last several months I’ve created my reality though my focus.

I fell into the BIG TRAP that I successfully avoided for years while life and business was flourishing.  During this downward spiral I noticed that I paid attention to the news, the economy, felt like everything was getting worse out there, that I was going to lose most if not all of my clients, and so on.  And what happened?  All of it.

Over the last week I’ve been working hard to change my thinking.  And because of that, I’ve been able to reduce my stress levels 100 fold.  I’ve attracted some great people into my life.  I sold one of my dead businesses a week ago that has given us a couple of months of breathing room for the doctor bills and the mortgage.  Jane and I aren’t at each others throats like we were about a week ago when my bad attitude clashed with her pregnancy hormones – LOOK OUT!

So the last week has been a sort of a re-awakening for me.  It’s amazing how quickly and easily you can get off track.  And it’s even more amazing how hard it is and how long it takes to get back on the track.

Ahhh… so many great life lessons to share with my little Tarzan or Jane as he or she grows up.  And speaking of which, we need to get up and leave VERY early in the AM to head to the doctors for the ultrasound.  I better end my ramblings now so I can get some sleep!

We’ll post the results of the ultrasound as soon as we get back home!  (I was going to take my laptop with me so I can post “It’s a Boy!  or It’s a Girl!” here… who knows, I still might.)  :)

Here we go!!!!!!!

P.S… We now have 30 prizes worth over $1,200 for our big contest!  We will be launching the contest THIS Saturday!  It’s 100% free to enter.  Nothing to buy.  Several ways to enter – so much to win.  And yes, I am thinking about doing a LIVE video broadcast on the day that we pick the winners, so you can watch the drawing on your computer and see if you won a prize!  Jane and I just need to figure out how we can hide ourselves!  lol

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If you’ve been reading this blog for some time, you know that our *big* ultrasound is tomorrow!  We are so excited (I’m not sure how I’ll sleep tonight), but that’s not what I want to talk about right now.  I’ve encountered the first time I think I’ve hurt my mom’s feelings while being pregnant and it has to do with this ultrasound.

Throughout my 17 weeks of being pregnant so far, my mom has never asked to go to any of our appointments.  We call her right after each appointment to fill her in.  After our first ultrasound we gave her a picture of our little “blob”.  

I know that my mom is super excited about being a grandmother, especially since this will be her first grandchild.  I try to make her a part of it as much as I can without actually inviting her to the appointments.  I believe it’s something that should be shared between a husband and a wife. 

And this certainly rings true with how I feel about the *big* ultrasound tomorrow.

Here is the conversation that took place today between me and my mom:

Mom:  ”What time is your ultrasound and where is it?”

Jane: ” 830am and at xyz hospital”

M: “Would you mind if I went?”

J (to myself):  Seriously, what?!  How do I tell her no?  How do I not hurt her feelings?  Why would she ask this?  Awkward.

J (out loud):  ”Well mom, Tarzan and I wanted to share this special time between us two.  I hope that you understand and aren’t mad at me.  I don’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

M: “OK, that’s fine.”

J: “Do you understand?  How about if we meet up for dinner that night and we can show y’all the ultrasound picture and tell you all about it?”

M: “I have yoga.”

The end.

Hmm…  I don’t know what to think.  

A few things enter my mind:

First, I know that she’s just really excited about all of this.  I’m her first-born and she always says, “My baby is having a baby.”  So naturally this makes me feel a little guilty.  Like should I really “rob” her of being part of this special time with her grandchild?

Second, she has done this two other times with her kids.  Now I have no idea if my grandmother was present or not, but I know that ultrasounds were done 28 years ago.  Just sayin’

Third, I wish she wouldn’t have asked.  Now I’m worried that I hurt my mom’s feelings and that’s the last thing I want to do.  We are close and with anything else, I would not care if she was there.  Just not during the big ultrasound where we find out the sex of our baby.  It’s a special time and I only want to share it with my husband.  It’s our time and the beginning of our family.  I think that’s more than okay to feel/want.

Fourth, I’ve called her twice and left one voicemail.  I’ve heard nothing back.  Nothing.  Nada.  No phone call.  No text.  Nothing.  Maybe she is out, but it’s so unlike her to not have her phone with her.  Now I’m just more convinced that I hurt her feelings and she’s avoiding me.

Fifth, I should stop caring so much about this.  Yes, I might have hurt her feelings, but I’m doing what’s important to me and my husband.  Even if my best friend asked to be present during this ultrasound, I would say no.  There’s not one person, besides Tarzan, that I would even consider to be there.  In my mind, it’s just not how I want it or picture it.  I want to share it with my husband and that is that.  

Note to Jane:  Stop second-guessing your decision so much.  You did the right thing and you need to stop trying to make others happy all the time.  It’s not going to work out.  You do what you feel is right and leave it at that. 

I’m just keeping  my fingers crossed that I don’t have to dodge the “Can I be in the room with you when you deliver” question.  If so, I’m just going to give an excuse.  

“Oh I’m sorry, but they only allow spouses/significant others in the room.  There’s a limit.“

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The journey to becoming a father is a strange one at times; I’ll give it that.  All of the realizations, thoughts, feelings, and more that I’ve shared on our pregnancy blog over the last month and a half have all been big… but not as big as what is about to come.

On Wednesday, Pregnant Jane will have an ultrasound and we’ll learn if we’re having a boy or girl.

On Wednesday, our current “baby” will become our son or daughter.

On Wednesday, everything officially becomes REAL for me!  Ahhhhhh!

I think for a pregnant women, their body is going through all sorts of changes on the inside and outside rather quickly, so the realism of “I’m pregnant and I’m going to be a mom” settles in fast for them.

On the other hand, for a father-to-be (at least for me anyway) it’s been more like little baby steps.  A little soon-to-be father realization here, a thought there.

I’ve of course known in my mind and heart that I’m going to be a father.  I’m excited about it.  But the realness of it all hasn’t fully set in yet.  It’s not like I’m walking around with a pregnant belly all day every day to serve as a constant reminder like Pregnant Jane.  Thank God.

I’m reminded that I’m going to be a father by thoughts that flow in and out of my mind.  For example, today I had the thought that once we get back on our feet financially, I wanted to take Jane to Disney World.  She’s never been, and I know she’d LOVE it there.  But then I reminded myself that she’s pregnant, and she wouldn’t be able to go on the roller coasters.  Hmmm.

That’s the way it’s been day in and day our for me.  These little thoughts pop into my head followed by a reminder, “oh yeah, I’m going to be a father soon; that will have to wait.”  So while I know Jane is pregnant and I of course know I’m going to be a father, I have a feeling that Wednesday will be yet another one of those huge steps towards fatherhood.  Knowing if we have a son or daughter on the way will completely flip our thinking.

Up until now, it’s been “the baby”.  Neither pink or blue, neither girl or boy.  No specific thoughts running through our minds.  However, on Wednesday when we find out the sex of our baby, everything is going to change for me – maybe the both of us.

After Wednesday, thoughts will fill my day of either me playing catch with my son, or reaching for my wallet when Pregnant Jane and my daughter go shopping.

Thoughts of playing with toys, flying toy planes, or watching my son pitch a no-hitter… or thoughts of me playing with Barbie dolls, watching my wife and daughter play dress up, or watching my daughter give a stellar performance at her Ballet or balance beam gymnastics show, or whatever you call them.

Thoughts of what we’ll soon need to buy will begin dancing around in my head.  Once we know if we’re having a girl or boy, we’ll know if it’ll be a pink stroller or a blue stroller.  Clothes.  A baby seat.  Toys.  Oh my!  Oh my head…

Seriously, this ultrasound on Wednesday will create a completely new chapter in our lives!

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