Dads Pregnancy Guide

Enough is enough I say!  This one goes out to all my fellow soon-to-be Dad’s who are also sick of seeing a different fruit each and every single week that our wives keep sending us to show us the size of our baby for that week.  Thanks to the list below, now us guys can finally understand the size of our baby.

So without further ado, please allow me to introduce to you the Official 2009 limited edition of…

“Tarzan’s Ultimate Guide To Baby Sizes
Week-By-Week For Soon-To-Be Fathers”

Note: To download the PDF version of the guide,
click on: Baby Size Guide For Soon-To-Be Fathers
 

Pregnancy Weeks 3-4
If you look very carefully
into the magnifying glass
you’ll see a very, very tiny dot. 

Pregnancy Week 5: 
“You’re going to shoot your
eye out, kid!”  Your baby is
about the size of a BB now. 

Pregnancy Week 6:
There’s nothing to worry
about. Your kid won’t be a
nut, it’s just how big he is. 
 

Pregnancy Week 7: 
Your baby is about the
size of the power button
on your TV remote. 
 

Pregnancy Week 8:
Got some spare change
buddy? Your baby is now
the size of a shiny quarter. 
 

Pregnancy Week 9:
Losing your marbles? I
feel for you buddy.  Your
baby is now the size of one. 

Pregnancy Week 10: 
Think you’re a handyman?
Your baby is about the size
of the head of a hammer. 
 

Pregnancy Week 11: 
Fore! The next time you swing
your golf club, know your baby
is about the size of a golfball.
 

Pregnancy Week 12: 
Sure you’re 10 inches. Your
baby is the size of a small
measuring tape this week.
 

Pregnancy Week 13: 
Need some gas? Your wife has
some. Your baby is now the 
size of the gas cap on your car.
 

Pregnancy Week 14: 
Stressed out? I feel you. Now
your baby is the size of a stress
ball. You may need to buy one.

Pregnancy Week 15: 
You obviously made it to
home, congrats! Your baby
is the size of a baseball. 
 

Pregnancy Week 16: 
Man, you are a STUD!
Your baby is now the size
of a small stud finder. 

Pregnancy Week 17: 
Goooooooooooooal!  This
week, your baby is about
the size of a hockey puck. 
 

Pregnancy Week 18:
Mr. 5 o’clock shadow, your
baby is now about the size
of a small electric shaver. 

Pregnancy Week 19: 
Why do they call it a softball?
It huts like hell when one hits
you. Your baby is the size of one.

Pregnancy Week 20: 
Mmmm… Memories.  This
week your baby is now the
size of one nice-sized boob.
 

Pregnancy Week 21:
Cheers to the father-to-be!  
This week your baby is about
as long as a beer bottle. 
 

Pregnancy Week 21-24: 
You went long and deep and
scored! Your baby is about the
size of an over-inflated football.
 

Pregnancy Week 25-28: 
13 inch boot? You know what
they say… Your baby is about
this long during these weeks.
 

Pregnancy Week 29-32: 
Your baby is now about 16 inches
long, which is the size of the front
wheel on the origional Big Wheel.
 

Pregnancy Week 33-36:
The next time you look into your
17-inch computer screen, know
that your baby is now that long.
 

Pregnancy Week 37 to the big day:
Your baby is the size of the electric motor
in the $110,000 2008 Tesla which can
go from 0 to 60 in 3.9 seconds.  Sweet.
 

That’s right fellow soon-to-be fathers.  By the time your baby is born he or she is the size of the electric motor in the $110,000 2008 Tesla.  Don’t think you could be driving one of these?  You could have had one… maybe even two.

A Warning For Soon To Be Fathers:
A Bouncing Baby Could Create Some
Bouncing Checks If You’re Note Careful! 

If you and your wife earn at least $50,000 a year combined, you’re going to spend roughly $184,320 to raise your child from birth to the age of 17.

If you and your wife earn at least $70,000 a year combined, you’re going to be shelling out a whopping $269,500.

And if that doesn’t make you swallow a little hard, this one will… Those statistics are from a U.S. Department of Agriculture study from 2004.  So you might as well add several tens of thousands of dollars to those numbers above since that data is 5 years old.

My advice: Take a look again at pregnancy week 21.  A few of those makes the above a little easier to swallow… at least for a few hours anyway!

Note: To download the PDF version of the guide,
click on: Baby Size Guide For Soon-To-Be Fathers

Help Me Save Other Dads! Send this to every soon-to-be
father and save him from the fruits of the week!